Fan Fiction ❯ Life is Cruel ❯ Part 3 ( Chapter 3 )

"Zeshin, wake up." I heard. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I was in my room, and it was my brother waking me up.

"What do you want?" I asked. It would have sounded cold, if I hadn't just got up.

"We're going to get you some clothes." He said. Then he pulled my blanket off of my and pulled me to my feet. I almost screamed, I had to cover my mouth to silence it.

"What's wrong?" Yuichi asked.

"What do you think?" I hissed.

"I see. Well get up anyway. We'll get you some painkillers."

Yuichi practically lifted me out of bed and dragged me into the kitchen. He got the painkillers and I started to make myself some breakfast. Pancakes, eggs and toast. I heard an amazed gasp from the kitchen doorway when my mother walked in.

"How did you learn to cook like that?" She asked. I casually flipped all the pancakes and tended to the eggs.

"Self taught." I mumbled. "Do you want anything?"

"No thank you. I don't like breakfast." My mother replied.

My brother was just sitting at the table drinking coffee and waiting till my breakfast was ready so he could give me the painkiller.

"What's that for, Yuichi?" My mother asked, gesturing to the painkiller.

"Zeshin's not feeling well."

"And you're eating all of that?"

"Yes, mother. I am." Then I ignored her and put the pancakes, eggs and toast on a plate. I was about to sit down, when I caught my brother's look. It was a helpful warning. I understood and decided to stand instead.

"Here, Zeshin." Yuichi handed me the pill and I swallowed it with a glass of juice that he poured for me. Then I quickly finished my food.

"Are you two going somewhere?" My mother asked.

"I'm taking him to get some new clothes. In case you hadn't noticed, his are in terrible shape." He pointed to the holes and tears in my clothes then he walked me to the front door.

"We're getting you some shoes too." He stated as I put on my worn running shoes.

"Whatever." I said flatly.

I didn't care what my brother was doing anymore. I no longer felt any emotion for him, not even gratitude.

When I had my shoes on, he unexpectedly lifted my and carried me to his car.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Carrying you. I don't think you want to walk yet."

"Like it matters." I muttered.

Yuichi sat me in the passenger's seat and shut the door. Then he walked over to the driver's side and got in. I just stared out of my window, ignoring his presence.

"It does matter." He said when he had started the car and was driving down the road to the mall.

"Whatever."

My spirit was gone. I noticed when we got to the clothing store. I was being sarcastic and uncaring. I think I might have set the record for how many times I said 'whatever' in the space of one day.

But on the upside, if there had to be one, I got a lot of new clothes. They were all black, since I didn't really care and Yuichi said it was 'my colour'.

While we were eating lunch at some pizza joint, my brother was attempting at making 'conversation'. It was almost like he was talking to a brick wall.

"Zeshin." He said sternly. I immediately turned my gaze from the fountain, to him. It was the same tone he'd used the night before, the one that showed he meant business.

"Why aren't you talking to me?"

"I am." I said.

"'Whatever' and 'I don't care' hardly qualifies as conversation." He pointed out.

"So? It's my honest opinion."

"Yeah, I'm sure it is. Do you need anything else?"

"A better brother."

When I said that, Yuichi stood and reached across the table, grabbing my collar and pulling me towards him. I suppose I would have looked frightened. If I cared.

"Don't fuck with me, Zeshin. You're in no position. I'm going out of my way to do this for you and if you're lucky, I'll get you some stuff that you want too, not just stuff you need."

"Sure. Whatever." My brother let me go and sat back in his chair and finished his lunch.

"Are there any CDs you want?" My brother asked, after a few minutes of silence. To be honest, I never really thought about what I wanted.

"I don't know what I want." I said.

I know I was being honest, but I didn't want him getting too angry with me.

"Really? That's too bad. I'll take you to the music store anyway and let you look."

"Why?" I asked.

"Why what?"

My brother looked genuinely confused. I guess I was being a little too vague. But I surprised myself, when I spoke next, my tone was quiet and withdrawn. I hadn't even sounded like that earlier.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because you deserve it after all these years."

"Then you should have started before you killed Kit. Maybe then I would have appreciated all of this a little more. Kit was the best sister I could hope for. And now she's gone. I hate you."

My tone had remained the same, but my words still hurt him. He knew I was being honest. His face held a look of sincere hurt. I almost felt sorry for him.

"I told you, I didn't kill her." He whispered.

"Well if you didn't, tell me who did!" I yelled.

My spirit returned, but I was pissed. One of the things I hate most is when people lie to me.

"Shut up!" Yuichi yelled back. Then he continued in a quieter tone. "This is not the place to be discussing it. I'll tell you when we go home."

Then he didn't say anything. He waited till I finished my lunch, then he took me somewhere to look at CDs. I picked a few of the Japanese CDs that had songs I knew. The North American stuff never appealed to me, and I surprised me that it appealed to anyone. At least as far as pop music went. I didn't mind the alternative much.

Yuichi happily bought the CDs, then the two of us headed back to the parking lot. The painkillers helped a lot. I didn't feel any pain until we reached the car.

"Zeshin? You alright?" Yuichi was actually concerned.

"The painkillers wore off. That's all. I'll just get some when we go home." Then we got in the car after putting the bags in the trunk, and drove home.

When we got home, I went to my room to look at the clothes he bought me. I couldn't really remember what they looked like. Luckily, my brother wasn't that terrible. He had gotten me plain black clothes. Jeans, t-shirts, sweaters for fall, sleeveless shirts and a pair of running shoes.

He really was a good person sometimes. I actually liked what he bought me. I guess it made up for all the birthdays he missed. Right now, I actually felt better than I had earlier, aside from the pain in my ass. I purposely didn't take a painkiller. I didn't like the way they made me feel. They made me dizzy and numb. Not a good combination.

I sat on my bed and pulled out my disc-man and put one of my new CDs in it. It had a song that I really liked. Of course, if I like the song, that means I'll sing to it. Unfortunately, my brother likes my voice. So it attracts him. It's a good thing my parents were home.

My brother came into my room and sat at the end of my bed. Not doing anything, just listening.

When the song ended, I took off my headphones and stopped the CD.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"I came to talk to you. About Kit." Yuichi said.

"Then talk." I said simply. I didn't feel like saying anything else.

"It's true that I raped, Kit. I won't deny that. But I didn't kill her. What happened was, someone came into the house that night, and apparently knew me. He said he was going to kill one of you. He made me choose. He didn't say why he was, all he really said was that it was payback for something I did to him. He told me to choose. You or Kit. If I couldn't choose, then he would kill both of you. I tried to offer myself instead, but he said that I should live with the grief. I chose Kit in the end."

There was silence after. I was angry with him. Angry because he lied and angry because if he didn't, then he practically signed my little sister's death warrant.

"Zeshin?"

"You..." I muttered. "You bastard!" I yelled.

I leapt at him and punched him in the face, knocking him off the bed. Surprise was on my side and I had him pinned on the ground before he knew what was going on. I was sitting on his chest, with my hands around his neck.

When he realized what was happening, I saw his eyes go hard with anger and he threw me off of him and against the wall.

"You little brat." He hissed. He approached me and lifted me off the ground by my collar. "After all I've been doing for you!"

I struggled and tried to break free, but my brother had a firm grip on my shirt. Then he kissed me again. It was brief but fierce. He couldn't do much more because my parents were still home.

"You better watch your mouth, kid. I'm not always nice and sympathetic."

Then he dropped me to the floor and stalked out of my bedroom. He also slammed my door. Yes door. I just noticed that. Someone must have installed it while Yuichi and I were out. If I ever got a chance to go out on m own, I would buy a lock to keep my brother out. Then he'd probably break the door down.

I sighed and crawled onto my bed. I began to think. My brother was acting really strange. I remember the changes in mood and personality. He was nice and caring, then he was rough and cruel. I didn't know what had happened to him and it was making me worry.

Anyways, as the days and weeks went on, my parents still refused to let Yuichi leave the house, and he continued to use me for his own sick pleasure whenever my parents left. Luckily, they didn't leave that often.

It was August, which meant one month until school. My brother said something about helping me with that. But I didn't want him to.

My school life was the only one I cared nothing about. None of the subjects were interesting with the exception of the more art like ones, such as music. The students there were snobby because all of their parents were rich and they avoided me as much as possible.

Although the people were snobby, it was a public school, not a private, so there were people that weren't rich going there too. Those were the unfortunate ones that had two hour bus rides each way.

Seeing as how it was a public school, there was no dress code, so I just wore normal clothes. Unfortunately, I hadn't been able to get enough jobs so I could earn money to buy new clothes. Therefore, my wardrobe made me look like I was a rebel and snobby kids don't like that.

The newer students often tried to befriend me, but it only lasted a day or two. Then the others convinced them to stay away from me using some unknown method or rumor.

I spent my days sitting in the back of class listening to what the teachers were saying but not volunteering any answers to their questions or asking any of my own. When lunch came around, I went outside and sat under a tree, observing. Trying to see what made everyone so different from me. I was always left wondering.

So that was why I didn't want to go back to school. I would, but as usual, I wouldn't enjoy it. But for some reason my brother was trying to fix things so that I would enjoy it. I had no clue what he was doing, and I didn't really care.

One day, when I was sitting in my room, looking out my window into our backyard that was overgrown with many different plants and trees, my brother came in.

"Zeshin, mother wants to speak to you." Then he left, expecting me to follow him to my mother.

I walked into the living room, and sat on the couch across from my mother.

"You wanted to speak with me?" I asked quietly. For some reason, I couldn't read the expression on her face. It worried me.

"Zeshin, I've been lying to you."

"What do you mean?" My brother sat beside me and relaxed, but was still alert. A look into his eyes told me, he didn't know what was going on either.

"What I mean is, your father and I didn't forget about you accidentally." She paused, waiting for a reaction. I was hurt a little, but I didn't show it and waited for her to continue.

"We forgot about you because, we really only wanted one son, that's why I was pregnant so soon after you were born. Your father and I have discussed this and decided that we should tell you before you deluded yourself completely."

Her tone was becoming venomous. It was like she hated me for no reason. What am I saying 'like' for? She did hate me for no reason.

"And to top it all off," She continued. "You're a mixture of both of us. We wanted a child to be just like one of us. Like Yuichi. To make a long story short, we hate you and you're leaving our house tomorrow. We don't care where you go, just as long as you're gone." Her tone was as cold as ice. Her eyes were just as bad.

But that wasn't the worst part. The worst part, was that I just sat there. The same expression on my face and I was silent. Inside, I was pissed. Instead of showing how she hurt me, I slowly stood and walked to my room.

Before I had exited the room, I had seen the look of pure shock and anger on my brother's face as he tried hard not to kill my mother. No wait. His mother, I no longer have any connections to this family.

As I entered my room, I slammed the door and collapsed face first onto my bed. I began to cry. It was loud so I knew that Yuichi would hear and most likely come in, but I didn't really care.

As expected, my brother came in five minutes later. He didn't say anything, he simply rubbed my back soothingly.

"This is your fault. If you hadn't told them about me, I would still have a home!" I said into the bed. My voice was slightly muffled, but I know he heard me.

"Then you can live with me."

"No!" I yelled. I did not want to live with him. No way in hell was I living with him.

"But Zesh-"

"Get out! Get out, get out, get out!" I yelled. I yelled it repeatedly until I felt my brother get off the bed and heard him leave the room. Then I just cried into my pillow.

I didn't notice when the day past and night turned into morning. Seeing as how my brother had decided to stay away from me, and my parents ignored me no matter what, days past without me knowing. I had no home, even though I was still here. A place isn't home unless you're welcome or it's your own. I realized just how easily a home can turn into house

It was a week before I decided I should pack and get the Hell out of the 'house' I was in. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I guessed that any place would be better than where I was. Almost any place.

While I was packing, my brother came to my room and watched me from the doorway. He was silent. It gave me the creeps just to have him stare at me while I was packing, so I decided to speak.

"What do you want?" My voice was hoarse from crying and a week without use.

"You're coming with me. You're going to live with me."

"What makes you so sure?" I asked angrily. I continued packing, deciding to ignore my stupid brother.

"Do you really want to try and stop me from taking you home with me?"

That made me pause. I didn't want to go with him, but just the thought of trying to stop him made me afraid. There was no telling what he would do, and I would have no one to stop him. My parents hated me, they'd made that more than painfully clear so there wasn't going to be any help from them.

I had no choice, my brother it would have to be. Although...I didn't even know where he lived.

"Do you even have a place to stay?"

I asked, resuming my packing. I only had a few things left and it wouldn't take much longer. To put it simply, I put all my possessions into one suitcase.

"Yes I do. Hurry up, we're going now. I've already let mother and father know that I was leaving."

I noticed that he didn't say 'we' were leaving. Whether it was on purpose or not, I was grateful he didn't say that I was going with him. I was supposed to be out of the house already.

They might also try to convince him not to take me with him. Although that would work in my favor, I didn't really want to be on my own. I almost welcomed the idea of living with my brother. At least I wouldn't starve or be cold. Those were the only reasons why I accepted living with my brother.

That's also what made it harder to leave, later.

"I'm done packing." I said. I grabbed my suitcase and walked to my doorway where he was standing.

"Let's go then. I hope you made sure you didn't leave anything."

"I didn't."

Yuichi nodded, then took my suitcase from me and lead me to the door where I grabbed my coat and put on my shoes. Then we were gone. And that was the last time I saw my 'so called' parents.