Fan Fiction ❯ Llama Mamas ❯ WHERE THE FREAK ARE MY SLIPPERS? ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: Most of you know, there are probably MANY fics that involve animals attacking somebody or something like that. This IS one of those stories, but this is not like the rest of them. Oh no! This is probably the most STUPID and ODDEST story you can find that involves intelligent animals. Remember, as stupid as it gets, it's supposed to be corny.

 

Chapter 1: WHERE THE FREAK ARE MY SLIPPERS?!?!?!

 

 

It was an all too normal day at Hyrule Castle. The King's advisors, or what was left of them, were still walking around, mumbling about the death of their King. The soldiers were on duty, and Zelda was taking a lovely walk in the castle courtyard.

 

It was very quiet. “It's so quiet out,” said Zelda, talking to herself. “So quiet, you can hear a pin drop.” Then, because 1) Zelda's a scholar and 2) she's a blonde, she thought the following question: Would it be easier to hear the pin drop on the brick walkway, or would it be easier to hear it drop on the grass? Zelda had never been so confused before.

 

The grass . . . yes . . . grass is soft. Very soft. But the brick was hard. Or was it that, deep down inside, the brick felt bad about himself and that the grass felt good about himself. That made the grass stronger. BUT she could hear footsteps on the brick, but she all she could hear on the grass was a soft “SQUISH” noise. Is this because the grass is green and the brick is gray?

 

Then, that led to another question: Why is the grass green? Certainly, there had to be SOMETHING in there that made it green. Perhaps it was a complex chemical compound . . . or maybe not. Maybe the grass dyed its hair green. But then, if the grass was the hair . . . did that mean that the grass was the hair of the ground?

 

OF COURSE! How could she be so stupid? The grass was green because the ground wanted its hair to be green! She smiled to herself as she figured out the complex question. This “scholar” stuff was just way too easy.

 

Turning around to walk back inside and escape the intense heat, she wandered into another question: Why is the sun hot? Was it because there were burning gasses that powered it, made it bright, and brought heat all the way to the Earth? Or was it because the sun was very cold in space, and it was using a complex heating system to warm himself up? Indeed, another complex question solved.

 

As she walked inside, she heard a loud tumble from up above. While about to ask herself what the tumble was, she noticed a tall animal standing absent mindedly in the hallway. Its body looked like a horse, but it had a very long neck and nose, very big ears and was holding a slipper in its mouth. Also, it was covered with fur.

 

Why was it covered with fur? Was it because it was cold and that was it's natural coat, or was it the new fashion statement that she never heard about? Thinking to herself, she didn't notice the animal zip past her at incredible speed. It traveled so fast, Zelda span around in circles because of the force. About to fall on her rump, she felt strong yet caring arm grab her to keep her from falling down. Impa had saved Zelda's fragile butt!

 

“Are you all right, Princess?” the kind Sheikah woman asked.

 

“Yes Impa. I am,” said Zelda, brushing herself off. Of all the nerve for that creature to run by and not even say a word of apology!

 

“Can I ask a question, Impa?”

 

“I don't know if you can, but you MAY,” said her nanny.

 

“Excuse me. MAY I ask a question, Impa?”

 

“Of course, Princess. What is it you want to know?”

 

“That animal that was in here . . . what was it?”

 

Impa snapped her fingers. “Drat it all! I almost forgot about that thing! Excuse me, Princess.” She lightly pushed Zelda out of the way and gave chase to the rude beast.

 

“WAIT IMPA!” Zelda yelled down the hall. “I'M HUNGRY!” Zelda frowned as she realized that her yells were to no avail. She decided that maybe she could make her own lunch!

 

The castle was big, but the layout was not that complex. There was a kitchen on the same floor as Zelda's bedroom, which was closer than the other kitchen on the first floor. Once reaching the floor, Zelda felt a strong pain near her waist.

 

“Good thing I'm hear. I have to take a leak,” she said, as she entered her bedroom.

 

Once she opened the door to her room, she gasped in horror of what she saw. She was so horrified, she forgot all about her need to use the John and went right there in her skirt. She realized what she did, but was too stupefied to care.

 

Her room was a mess! Drawers were toppled over, the bed sheets were chewed up, and her closets were open, each having some kind of dress or undies lying helplessly on the floor next to them.

 

Zelda frantically began to search her room, looking to see if any of her valuable possessions were stolen. Her diamonds were there . . . that was good. Pictures of her family and friends were there . . . another good thing. OH NO! WHERE WAS HER PRIZED VEGETABLE COLLECTION?!?!?!

 

After a frantic moment of searching, she found her vegetable collection under her bed. The carrots, turnips, onions, potatoes and broccoli were lying there, still in perfect condition. Zelda let out a relieved sigh and began to straighten out her room.

 

Thinking to herself, she decided that she REALLY needed to find a place for her veggie collection. You see, Zelda had been collecting vegetables ever since she was a little girl of 5. For 12 years now she'd been stealing potatoes, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and even cabbage from her father's private gardens. Now she felt kind of ashamed, since that was where her father was buried when he died. But she couldn't help watching the little sprouts pop up and say “Look at me! I'm a sprout!” It was much better to pick them and hide them than to have some unworthy slob eat them for dinner.

 

Five hours later, Zelda decided it was time to go to bed. She had had a hard day. First, she took a walk and figured out some of the most challenging questions her mind ever thought of. Then, some fur-covered animal with a slipper knocked her down, and then she had to clean up her room. What a day of hard work!

 

She climbed into bed, and then after lying for about a half-hour, her stomach said it was hungry. Zelda sat up and pulled her feet over so they could dangle of the edge of her king sized bed, stood up, and kicked her foot forward so it would enter her slipper.

 

But her foot continued to move after it flew over the floor . . .

 

Noticing that something was out of place, Zelda looked down at her feet. Her slippers! Where were her slippers?

 

Zelda ran over to her once messy closet and looked at her slipper rack. There were no slippers there! Her pink bunny slippers, the red fur slippers, all gone! Even her diamond-studded slippers that her father had given her were missing!

 

Wait . . . HER DIAMOND-STUDDED SLIPPERS WERE MISSING!

 

Toppling over everything she had spent so much time on to get back into place, she began to search frantically for her most valuable possession alongside her vegetable collection. Knocking over her priceless porcelain vase, she cut her bare foot on one of the shards and screamed in pain.

 

“AAIIIEEEE!” was the powerful word that echoed through the castle walls.

 

Within seconds, Impa came rushing to the princess's bedroom.

 

“Princess Zelda! Whatever is the matter?”

 

“IMPA!” Zelda screamed at her nanny. “WHERE THE FREAK ARE MY SLIPPERS?!?!?!”

 

“Zelda!” said Impa. “Do not raise your voice at me! Nor do you use language like that in this castle!”

 

“I'm sorry, Impa,” said Zelda, lowering her head in shame.

 

“Let me see your foot. It looks deeply cut.”

 

“How can you tell? My foot is on the ground!”

 

“I can tell, Princess, because of the massive puddle of blood beneath your feet.”

 

Sure enough, a large amount of blood was on Zelda's marble and recently waxed floor.

 

“Eeew . . .” said the princess, lifter her bleeding foot from the puddle and staring down at it disgustingly.

 

“Come and sit on your bed, Princess, and I shall bandage it for you,” said Impa, walking to the bathroom to get some bandages.

 

Zelda hobbled over to her bed, trying to not get any more blood on her recently waxed floor. Surely, the blood would seep into the grout . . . If only she had put Teflon on her floor like the maid suggested!

 

While Zelda began to sit on her plush bed, Impa came in with the first-aid kit. Pulling out a large yet comforting gauze, the nanny began to wrap the large cut.

 

“So . . . Impa . . . have any questions that you want me to try to figure out?” asked Zelda, proudly remember her trials with the grass and brick.

 

“Not tonight, Princess. But I think I might have an answer to your slipper question.”

 

Ah yes. The slippers. How could she have forgotten so quickly?

 

“Yes, Impa. Where are my slippers?”

 

“Well, Princess Zelda, do you remember the furry animal that knocked you down this afternoon?”

 

Again, how could she have forgotten the animal that was so rude, it didn't even apologize? Zelda nodded, tempting her nanny to continue.

 

“I went up to my room at about 2 o'clock this afternoon, and I noticed the creature peering into my closet. It must have heard me enter, for it jerked its head out and quickly grabbed a paper bag full of some kind of item and ran down the hall, at speeds I had never thought possible. I gave chase, and before too long I leapt upon the creature's back with the help of my ninja skills.”

 

“OOO . . .” said Zelda, clearly fascinated with the tale.

 

“The creature opened its mouth in shock and let out some kind of honking noise. It dropped the paper bag, and before too long, we were wrestling for it. I stunned the animal with mace and grabbed the bag. Inside were a bunch of pairs of slippers! MY slippers!”

 

Zelda gasped, horrified by the outcome of the story.

 

“The animal regained his senses and noticed a single purple slipper, which belonged to my favorite pair, in fact. He picked it up with his mouth and continued to run down the hall. That was about the time he knocked you down, Princess.”

 

“So, if my observations are correct,” Zelda began, putting a hand to her chin. “Then that beast, or another one like it, came in here and stole my slippers!”

 

“Very good, Princess!” said Impa, proud of the princess's fine work.

 

“But why would that creature come in here and take all of the slippers?”

 

“I don't know. But what I do know is that some animals take interest in the smallest things. Do you think those animals may have an interest in slippers?”

 

“I'm not sure . . .” Zelda said, now tapping a finger on her chin. “This is a hard one.”

 

“Indeed,” said Impa, nodding her approval. “There must be someway to find out what that creature is . . .”

 

Zelda snapped her fingers. “The library!”

 

“Once again, Princess, your wisdom has triumphed over our troubling situations,” Impa said, laughing a little bit. “After you, Princess.”

 

Zelda and Impa began the long and dangerous trek to the library . . .

 

Once there, the search began. It took hours to find a book that had the strange creature! Taking down a book, carefully studying the pictures, and to no avail; the creature wasn't in that one! So they picked another book, looked, and came with nothing.

 

After about 4 hours of searching, Impa shouted with triumph.

 

“Ha!” said the Sheikah woman, finding something.

 

“What is it, Impa? Did you find it?”

 

“Yes, I did! Here, Princess, read what it says.”

 

Picking up the book and studying it hard, she found the paragraph about the creature.

 

“La . . . La . . . La-lama!” said Zelda, pronouncing the weird word. “A creature that has been known for it's f . . . f . . . fuuunkyyyyy . . . funky! A creature that has been known for it's funky looks, soft fur, and as an animal of burden.” Zelda said, closing the book with a proud smirk on her face.

 

“Well, we know that the la-lama is indeed an animal of burden, so slippers are defiantly not a personal interest.”

 

“But why would the la-lamas want OUR slippers? Surely there are other slippers out in the world that they could have taken.”

 

“Again, another hard question. Perhaps it would be better to sleep on it. Until then, do you know anyone that might know more about la-lamas?”

 

“Hmm . . .” Zelda said, thinking outloud. “Dad's advisors might know something.”

 

“Yes, but your father's advisors are still grieving his death. I don't think they would talk to the person that is now taking his place, even if you are his daughter.”

 

“True,” Zelda said. Then, she snapped her fingers. “I know! Link's fairy, Navi, might know something about it!”

 

Impa smacked her forehead. “Of course! Navi! How could we forget her? Zelda, once again your wisdom has led us out of trouble!”

 

Impa and Zelda laughed with happiness, glad that they found something out. They started to head back to their bedrooms, but unbeknownst to them, a long necked animal had been looking through the window . . .

 

 

 

 

UH-OH! Have Zelda and Impa been watched by on of the la-lamas? Isn't it that obvious? What will Zelda do about this slipper predicament? Find out in the next chapter!

 

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