Fan Fiction ❯ Merry Marriage Murderers ❯ weddings: 1 | funerals: 2 ( Chapter 9 )

[Last time on MMM;]

Ruto: I came to present you my new husband

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

[Temple of Time]

Ruto: . . . . Sheik.

All: SHEIK???

Sheik: [steps forward] Indeed. Well, we figured-

Ruto: I alone figured!

Sheik: *rolls eyes* She figured that I have to marry someone of royal blood. And since there's no nobleman left I had to go for a noblewoman.

Ruto: No problem for a crossdresser like her.

Sheik: I'M NOT-

King of Hyrule: Jesus, Jesus. My daughter's married to the daughter of a gigantic fish.

Ruto: HE'S NOT-

Sheik: I guess it's son now, dad.

KoH: Er, right. It can't get worse now, can it?

Narrator: Oh how wrong our dear king was. Because just then the door flew open and two people entered the temple. And as they step into the light one can clearly see that they're none other than

Darunia: Hellooo!

Nabooru: Helloooo!

Darunia+Nabooru: Hellooooooooo!

All: O_O

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[Kakariko Village, in the meantime]

Ganondorf: She does not love you!!

Link: Even if she didn't love me she certainly wouldn't fall for a guy like you!!

Ganondorf: I'm a king!! You can't give her what I'll give her!!

Link: I can give her love!!!

Audience: Aaaaaaawwwwww!!

Cucco: Bwaak. -_-;;;

Link: I demand you to leave us alone!!

Ganondorf: And I demand you to [dramatic pause] die!!

Link: [draws Master Sword] We'll see about that!!

Cucco: Bwaaaak?

Ganondorf: Very well. [draws his sword] Be it that way. [charges at Link] HUZZAH!!!

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[back at the Temple of Time]

Narrator: In the meantime the sweet tunes of a `Something Stupid' remix had filled the holy temple.

Nabooru+Darunia: [singing] We know that it's been long but we've been watching over crime and evil as you must see. A random place we had, looking at your daily threat, deadly as it can be. But we couldn't figure out how to avoid the deadly cloud that's been lurking over you.

Darunia: And then I said let's screw it all, with one thing we could do at all

Nabooru+Darunia: Let's marry!

Nabooru: It's okay, oh well it's nice and it is keeping us alive so we just went to court.

Darunia: And then we said a word or two, not more to do, but we escaped our certain death.

Nabooru+Darunia: First we cracked up and then we cried and then we thought about it every night. But we didn't hesitate, we figure it was just our fate to be husband and wife.

Darunia: A wedding is not dreadful, no and can be useful, come on give it a go!

Nabooru: I guess that's what you all should do, go marry someone make it true

Nabooru+Darunia: And save you!

Suddenly Appearing Choir: And save you!

All: And . . . . saaaaaaveeeee . . . . . YOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

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[Kakariko Village, again]

Ganondorf: She is mine!!

Link: Oh no, nein!!

Ganondorf: You can't have her!!

Link: You're not clever.

Ganondorf: But I'm stronger!

Link: I'll love longer!

Ganondorf: You're untrue!

Link: So are you!

Ganondorf: Give up!

Link: Never!

Ganondorf: Shut up!

Link: Ever?

Cucco: ZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ganondorf+Link: DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!! [they charge at each other]

Cucco: [wakes up] Bwaaak? Bwaak, bwaaaaaak. [flies away]

Ganondorf: Look!

Link: Ha! Do you really think I'm falling for that one???

Ganondorf: Our lady!!! [points at the cucco]

Link: OH NO!!!

Ganondorf: She goes!!

Link: Oh woes!!

Ganondorf: And us she left.

Link: Without a geft!

Ganondorf: Huh??

Link: Er, never mind.

Ganondorf+Link: ALAS! AND END!

Ganondorf: Last words we spend

Link: to say good bye

Ganondorf: good bye to you

Link: so perfect, too good to be true

Ganondorf: so left alone, not to deny

Link: that love now with us has to die!

[they both raise their swords into the air]

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[same time, Temple of Time]

Voices from far away: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRGS!!!!!

Impa: What was

KoH: that???

Saria: It sounded like two mad poets who just killed themselves, because their true love, that probably was a cucco, left them. Or something like that I mean, what do I know?

- silence -

Ruto: And now?

Voice: My wrath has come to those who were not willing to find a spouse! The others are married, the rest is dead - I'm happy and scantily clad. My work is done, I can go home, the story ends, leave me alone!!! And now: Good Bye!!! [disappears]

Malon: Does this mean that

Darunia: we got rid of him?

Rauru: Well, obviously.

- silence -

All: PARTY!!!!!!!!

Queenie: And that's how our insane and pointless story ended. With lots of weddings and even more funerals. Nice, wasn't it?

Narrator: Certainly not and now shut up and prepare my dinner!!!

Queenie: [mutters] I hate being married . . . .

~*~*~*~*~*~ THE END ~*~*~*~*~*~

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Yes, it's the end. I didn't expect it to be that soon either, but . . . oh well. So . . . have a nice day and a nice life with . . . your spouses! MWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

~~ Queenie says thanks to her readers & reviewers and wishes you a nice day! ~~