Fan Fiction ❯ Merry Marriage Murderers ❯ weddings: 3 | funerals: 1 ( Chapter 8 )

[Last time on MMM;]

Eh, who cares?

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[ somewhere near Kakariko Village]

Link: (running) Help! Help! Help anyone who is male or married! AH!!

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[Kakariko Village]

Cucco: [sitting on a roof] Bwaaaak! Bwaaaak!

Ganondorf: Please come down!

Cucco: BWAAK!

Ganondorf: No matter what you do, I will always wait for you!

Cucco: -_-*

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[Temple of Time]

King of Hyrule: RAURU!!! WHERE ARE YOU??

Guard: Your majesty!! Help me!! Please!! Hide me!! [hides behind the king]

KoH: What the-

Impa: STAND STILL YOU BASTARD!!

KoH: IMPA!

Impa: Your majesty!! I . . . I . . . I'm sorry, I can explain!

KoH: It's self-explaining, my dear. You wanted to find a husband, because . . . . .

Impa: Exactly, your majesty.

KoH: And then you tried to kidnap Link but he ran away and now you want to marry the guard who's standing behind me and . . . .

Impa: Indeed, but how did you . . . .

KoH: I know everything, my dearest Impa. But say . . . .

Impa: He's in the living room with his . . . . .

KoH: Wife Malon, sure. When will he . . . . .

Impa: Any minute now, your . . . .

Saria: WHY THE HELL DO YOU ALWAYS INTERRUPT EACH OTHERS SENTENCE???

Impa: Who's . . .

KoH: That's Saria, the new Queen of . . . .

Rauru: Hyrule. Very well, we shall have a double-wedding . . . .

Guard: Now.

Rauru: Exa-

Impa: ctly.

Saria: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP

KoH: IT!

Saria: -__-*****

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[Hyrule Field]

Ruto: Your fault!!

Zelda: Your fault!!

Ruto: Your fault!!

Zelda: Your fault!!

Ruto: Your fault!!

Zelda: Your fault!!

Voice: [disappears] My wrath shall come to you in one hour!! Farewell!! [disappears]

Ruto+Zelda: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ruto: Oh my! Oh my! Oh my! We'll never find a husband AND a legal priest in one hour!!

Zelda: Legal priest?

Ruto: Didn't you know? The Voice will only accept a marriage if it involves a real priest.

Zelda: That's hardly a problem . . . FOR ME. I mean, I am a priestess after all.

Ruto: REALLY??

Zelda: Uh huh. But that's not going to be any help for YOU!

Ruto: For you neither. Or do you really think that you'll find a husband in sixty minutes? I mean, not even Ganondorf wanted to marry you!

Zelda: I . . . . maybe . . . . well . . . . you're right!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! *sob*

Ruto: Whoa, stop it!!

Zelda: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????? *sob*

Ruto: Because I've got a freaky, creepy, halloween-y idea which's going to safe our lives!!

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[Kakariko Village]

Link: Help! Help! They're after me! Marriage Mania! AGH!!

Navi: LINK!

Link: NAVI!

Navi: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Link: Navi?

Navi: [shoots an arrow at Link] MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Link: OUCH!!!! NAVI!!!!

Ganondorf: SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO SING A SONG FOR MY CUCCO!!!

Link: Ganondorf!

Navi: NO!! NO!! NONONONONONONONONONO!!! BIG NO!!!!!

Link: Ganondorf!! I can't describe how happy I am to see you! [kneels down in front of Ganondorf] Ganondorf . . . . I . . . . .

Navi: Ugh . . . .

Link: Ganondorf . . . . you . . . . . I wanted to tell you earlier, but I . . . . . .

Navi: X_X

Link: Please give me my contacts back!!! I know they were a birthday present but since I gave them to you I wasn't able to see a thing!! Please!!! I need them!!!

Navi: O______O

Ganondorf: Yeah, fine. [hands Link two contacts] And now leave me alone, I've got business to do.

Link: THANK YOU!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

Cucco: Bwaaak?

Ganondorf: I am sorry honey, I will never neglect you like that again!!

Link: [puts contacts in] I . . . I can see again!!! I see the world!! The sky!! The roofs!! The cuccos!!! The . . . . beautiful . . . . charming . . . . sexy . . . . .

Navi: NOT AGAIN!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOO!!!!! [dies]

Voice: [appears] My wrath shall come to . . . no, wait. That was a heart attack. Not my fault, guys. Anyway, find a spouse!!! Farewell!!! [disappears]

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[Temple of Time]

Impa: My beloved husband!! [hugs the guard]

Guard: X_X

KoH: My beloved wife!! [hugs Saria]

Saria: Erm . . . .

Rauru: My beloved waitress!! [throws an empty bottle at Malon] More beer!!

Malon: -_-***

Ruto: [appears] Tadaaaa!!!!

All: RUTO!! What are you doing here???

Ruto: I came to present you my new husband . . . .

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[somewhere . . . . DUN DUN DUUUUUN DUN]

Female Voice: Do you actually realize that we don't have a function in this fiction at all?

Male Voice: Yeah, I was thinking something like that. I mean, we're still sitting **somewhere**, doing nothing and talking about pointless things.

FV: I've got an idea!!

MV: Yeah?

FV: We could reveal our true identity in the next chapter!!

MV: Sounds good!!

FV: And then we could sing a pointless song and die for no apparent reason!!

MV: Sounds awesome!!

FV: Deal?

MV: Deal!!

FV+MV: YAY!!!

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Wasn't that a totally neat and cliff-hanger-y chapter? ^_^

I thought that I should at least write one new chapter for Halloween, since I couldn't do a whole story or something for TTWFS.

Hope you like it anyway. So . . . Happy Halloween!!

And remember . . . . . I'm somewhere out there!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!