Fan Fiction ❯ Mocking Mary ❯ It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's SUPERSUE!! ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: This is getting old. I own nothing. Get it? Got it? Good.

Today's Installment: Back to our Clumsy Sue with some help from Black Sheep Alone! With a nod to Quickbeam26's suggestion in Mary's first lines.

Ohmygosh, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot to post this earlier.

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Mary Sue sat up and pulled the arrow out of her chest. Something like that would've killed most people, but she was Mary Sue. Nothing could kill her permanently (short of noble self-sacrifice of course, after which she would be mourned by all of Middle Earth). She looked around for the Fellowship, without success. "Hey! I'm not quite dead! I'm feeling much better! It's only a flesh wound!" No one responded to the Monty Python She wandered through the woods following the Fellowship; they must have shot at her accidentally. After all, who would want to kill someone as perfect as she? After awhile she heard something crashing through the underbrush and, thinking it must be the Fellowship (not thinking that an Elf, Ranger, and even the Hobbits would have more respect for nature), called out to them. "Oh Legolas, my love! Is that you? Come back!"

She got a nasty surprise when, rather than a handsome Elf, several ugly Orcs stumbled out of the forest, breaking trees as they went. They saw her and grinned, raising their swords. Then they charged her. Mary squeezed her eyes shut and raised a hand in front of her. To her surprise her hand grew warm and she felt odd, like her energy was being drained. She opened her eyes in time to see a beam of light shoot from her palm, striking the Orcs and killing them instantly. She stared for a moment before regaining her perfect composure. She had magic! The Fellowship would surely value her now!

She walked for hours before finally coming to the Fellowship's camp. For some reason they did not look happy to see her. She ignored the death glares that she was receiving, and settled in. The next day they were walking, and Mary suddenly felt a strong, evil presence near them. It did not strike her as odd that she could suddenly sense evil when she never could before. However, Gandalf and Legolas, as the two most likely to sense an evil presence nearby (not that she knew this, but still), did not say anything so she did not mention it.

Later that afternoon, a strong earthquake shook the ground, throwing the entire company except Mary Sue-with her perfect balance-to the ground. She looked around, and a great dark cloud gathered in front of her, taking on a man-like form. After a moment a face was visible and Legolas cried out. "Ai! It is Morgoth! We are doomed!"

Gandalf stood before the mighty Vala and attacked, but his attack just bounced off. Morgoth swung his mighty hammer Grond and knocked Gandalf to the ground. Mary ran up and held up her arm like she had with the Orcs. She felt the warm feeling again, and the beam of light shot out, striking Morgoth in the chest. He howled in pain and vanished, dissipating into mist. The Fellowship got to their knees and stared at her. She grinned at them and started walking. The wrong way. She grinned at them over her shoulder and shouted, "Onward to Mount...Whatever It's Called!"

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Ok...LotR Geekness showing. FYI-Morgoth is an evil Vala (Middle Earth angel/god-type people) and Grond is the giant mace/hammer with which he fought Fingon...right, shutting up now... Anyway! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You get a cyber cookie! Extra thanks to everyone who left a suggestion! Keep them coming!

A Note: The Clumsy Sue got her name from the way she tends to fall into Middle Earth.

Next time: More Sue bashing courtesy of ChaosTheory89!

Sue Bashing EXTRA! Brought to you direct from Sinalco77. WARNING: Slash ahead!

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Legolas: I am gay!

Rabid fangirl: No!

* Fangirl lights herself on fire and hurls herself of Minias Tirith, much like Denethor*

Gandalf: Thus ends the reign of Mary-Sue, daughter of a bitch!

* Gimli appears*

Gimli: What's going on, Legolas?

Legolas: Nothing, sunshine!, Say want to go back to our bed in Rivendell and get it on?

Gimli: Oh, Legolas, you always know how to get me horny!

* cut to a shot of Tolkein in his grave*

Tolkein: Damn, all this spinning is making my head hurt!

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*snerk* I take no credit whatsoever, this is direct from Sinalco77's review. Thank you much!