Fan Fiction ❯ My Immortal ❯ My Immortal ( Chapter 1 )

My Immortal (a songfic)

Rei

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, it's characters, or anything associated, nor do I own the lyrics for the song 'My Immortal' by Evanescence.

---------

~My immortal~

You smile at me. That smile used to brighten my day, now it makes my heart plunge.

~I'm so tired of being here, surpressed by all of my childish fears~

I don't even bother trying to smile back, I've completely given up. Once I tried to chase you, but now I've fallen so far behind I can't even recognize your footprints anymore.

~And if you have to leave

I wish you would just leave..~

I wonder when I lost you. Was it when Kairi came? Or was it later? I wonder, too, if you ever cared? Did I ever even have you?

~Because your presence still lingers here,

and it won't leave me alone.~

And, I wonder.. if you could ever care for me like I do you. Actually, caring would be an understatement. I loved you. Well, I still do..

~These wounds won't seem to heal.~

Your smile turns to a frown as you stare at me with your imploring eyes.

~This pain is just too real.~

"Riku..?" You continue to question me with your unfaltering gaze. I have to look away then, I can't stand it. I can't stand your deep oceanic eyes, the way you stare straight through me, I hate the way you look so innocent, yet you break my heart and crush my hopes with ease. I hate *you*.

~There's just too much that time cannot erase. ~

But most of all, I hate myself. Because I don't hate you at all.

~When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, and I've held your hand through all of these years, but you still have all of me.~

I remember when we were younger, and your father died. I was there to hush you and hold you head in my lap, telling you it'd be okay. I'd brush strands of chestnut hair away from your tearsoaked face, and held you close to me, rocking you back and forth. And when you looked up at me with those beautiful eyes, you looked so crushed, I couldn't help but want to cry, myself. But I couldn't cry, I wouldn't cry. You looked up to me, I was strong.

And I remember when you'd yelp and cling to my arm when we walked home in the dark, and the bushes rustled. I'd tell you it's okay, and that it's just the wind, but you being you, wouldn't take that for an answer. You'd tug on my sleeve and ask if I'd check the bushes just to make sure. I'd always say of course, and smile. And you'd beam at me and tell me how brave and strong I am.

Who's strong now, Sora? Who had to have their hand held to find their way out of the darkness? You've grown so much, and I've not changed at all..

~You used to captivate me, by your resonating light, but now I'm bound by the life you left behind..~

You used to be so innocent and helpless. Why'd you change? Was it because of 'her'? Or maybe your other friends..?

Now you're standing in front of me, looking confused and hurt.

"Riku, why are you ignoring me?" Your voice is the same as it was a year ago..

"Sorry, Sora. What is it?" I blink up at him, plastering a fake grin on my face, trying to look as nonchalant as possible. He seems contented and sits next to me. When he opens his mouth to speak, though, Kairi skips in out of nowhere and sits next to him on the log, smiling that bittersweet smile and wrapping her small arm around his waist.

~Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams, your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me..~

I stand up and smile down at the happy.. couple. They stare up at me and I wave my hand. "It's late. I should get some sleep."

Sora looks up at me with irritatingly joyful blue eyes and frowns. "But.. Riku.."

Kairi just smiles at me. "Already, Riku? Well, ok. Goodnight."

~These wounds won't seem to heal.~

There was one point in time that Kairi, Sora and I were an inseperable trio. But soon Kairi saw my feelings towards Sora, and I hers. She's not as dense as most people would think. After that, She and I grew apart, I'd tease Sora about liking her, in hopes that maybe he'd get discouraged if I liked her. Maybe he'd even come back to me, seeking me as his source of comfort instead of her.

~This pain is just too real.~

I turn to walk away, avoiding Sora's 'abused puppy' look. I follow the trail that's lead me to and from my house numerous times, the house that stands nextdoor to Sora's.

I don't *want* to leave Sora, but seeing them together hurts even more than being alone with him. Knowing he's so close, but still out of reach. I think my heart deflated when those two walked up to me hand-in-hand, smiling, and told me. That was after I had been back for a week, out of Kingdom Hearts. The only reason I even bothered fighting my way out was Sora.

~There's just too much that time cannot erase.~

Sora.. and of course, he welcomed me back with open arms. Open, but not vacant. Because Kairi had placed herself in his arms. She stole him from me. But then, I suppose if he's happy, then I should be as well, right?

I stop walking, and look around. An unnoticed tear slips down my cheek and I cringe. I angrily wipe it away, but soon find myself kneeling in the dirt. I drop to both my knees and sit back, holding my head in my hands and allowing the tears to come freely. Afterall, I don't need to be strong for anyone anymore, right?

~When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears, and I've held your hand through all these years, but you still have all of me.~

He approaches me from behind, and I abruptly turn my head.

"Riku? Why are you crying?" He asks softly. He's concerned. What a joke. "Riku? Are you okay??"

Do I look like I'm okay? I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand and sit back on my heels.

"Where's Kairi?" He looks taken-aback by the venomous tone of my voice. I didn't mean to sound so hateful..

"Riku, she's back on the beach. What's going on with you?" He cautiously steps forward and reaches out a hand.

I pull out of his reach and stumble backwards. I lose my balance and land on my back, sprawled out in the dirt.

Sora rushes to my side, kneeling down and placing a hand on my chest. I look up at him with pained eyes and violently push his hand away.

"Don't touch me."

~I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone, and though you're still with me...~

I stand up and turn away from him.

"Riku?" His voice carries so much emotion. I feel tears gather in my eyes again.

"I'm.. sorry, Sora. It's nothing. I'm good." I blink back the tears and turn to him, smiling.

He stands and smiles widely at me. Then he nods and runs off back towards the beach where his beloved Kairi awaits him.

A single shimmering tear travels down my cheek and hits the ground, splashing onto the rocks and dirt as I watch him go.

~.. I've been alone all along.~