Fan Fiction ❯ My Immortal ❯ Final Distance ( Chapter 3 )

Final Distance (A Sora- POV songfic by Rei)

Author's Notes: Ok, this is a songfic to the lyrics of the song 'Final Distance' by Utada Hikaru. Thanks goes to Emiko for the suggestion *bow*. I'm doing the fic to the rough english translation of the song, but so as not to confuse anyone.. I put the original Japanese lyrics at the bottom of the fic. I got the translation off a site, so I don't know how good it is.If anyone sees any obvious mistakes in the song lyrics or the fic, point them out, I don't bite. Thank you Emiko!

(*blah* Is kind of emphasis, but it's more like typing in all caps.. like screaming. It's used when Sora gets all emotional.. but I don't like typing in all caps so that's when he's yelling .. in his head. O.o)

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~So much on my mind but can't let that out~

Riku's sitting in front of me, the flames from the fire reflected in his brilliant green eyes. He's been avoiding my eyes all night long, I wonder what he's thinking about? I think he's depressed about something. I wish he would tell me. He used to tell me everything..

~'Cause you are falling silent now..~

He's been acting like this ever since we returned to Destiny Islands. I told him that everything was ok, that I don't hate him for it. And it's true. I don't. I don't know about Kairi, though.. she's been hostile whenever he's around. Why can't everything just go back to the way it was? I miss him..

~Suffering from the pain by swiming so long in the dark sea..~

Sometimes he acts more immature than I do, I think. Why can't he just get over it? So what if Kairi's holding a grudge.. it's not like those two ever got along great, anyway. There's always been this rivalry between them, to get to an unknown goal first. Or maybe it's just unkown to me.

~Wanna see you but can't..~

I suppose I should say something, the silence is getting awkward. I slowly start talking about a fight I had with Tidus yesterday, not really thinking about what I'm saying. I'm too busy watching for any sign of a reaction from you.

Come on, Riku.. what happened to us? We used to be best friends.. I miss that gorgeous smile of yours, that playful smirk, the constant competition between us. Or maybe that's too much to ask now..? Am I being selfish by wanting my best friend back? Maybe I'm not as understanding as I should be..

~Pushed back by the waves..~

And everytime I try to get close to you again, you push me away. And everytime we finally do get somewhere, Kairi barges in. Don't get me wrong, I love Kairi. I do, I really do. But as much as I love her, Riku will always come first. Riku was .. always first. Even if he doesn't realize it. I love him as much as I love Kairi, I suppose. Maybe more?

~And again.. I'm a little farther now, but..~

I know we're set farther apart now, but, Riku, I don't want to lose you.

I'm still talking, and I'm still not sure what I'm going on about, but it's obviously not as interesting as what you're thinking, because you're just staring into the fire, barely acknowledging my presence. I inaudibly sigh, and stop talking midsentence. And you don't even notice.

~Don't break it up now, and keep it going, baby..~

Riku, you were always there for me. Why aren't you now? Am I too grown up to be taken care of anymore? Riku, I want you to take care of me.. I want you to be there for me.. Like the big brother I never had..

But maybe you're incapable of taking care of me anymore. Is it my turn to take care of you? Are you too broken now to look after me? Am.. I the one that broke you?

~Tell me if you don't feel the same, please..~

Tears well up in my eyes at that thought and I turn my head, staring at the ground and letting the silence envelope us both. He doesn't even notice, just continues staring into the burning flames, unblinking. I blink back the tears, if I have to be strong for Riku now, then I will. I'll be strong for him like he always was for me. I want him to love me, I want him to love me like I love him. I want to hold him in my arms, and make him feel safe, like he used to do to me.

~Don't wanna force anything..~

Wiping away the tears from the corners of my eyes, I look up at him and smile. He doesn't smile back like he usually does, just stares at me. I let the smile dissappear and frown, instead.

Why, Riku? Why don't you come back to me? Why not?!

"Riku..?" I continue to stare at you, looking angrier by each passing second. I don't mean to.. but you just.. you're ignoring me like a used toy. Do you hate me, Riku?

You look away, your silver choppy bangs covering your eyes.

Of course I won't make you love me. Kairi loves me. I can't have you, but I *can* have Kairi. And I do.

~But for you.. I would do anything..~

Frusterated, I stand up, fists clenching and unclenching at my sides.

Riku.. do you really hate me that much? That you can't even stand to look at me?

I let my emotions show on my face, upset and disconcerted.

"Riku.. why're you ignoring me?" My tone is softer than I intended, but it still got his attention.

He smiles up at me and I can't help but feel a little relieved. "Sorry, Sora. What is it?" He's grinning his normal flippant grin at me. I smile back at him, and take a seat next to him on the dried out log. I don't really know what to say, but I open my mouth to speak anyway. But here comes Kairi, trotting over from a small clot of trees. I wonder if she was watching us before she decided to join. She slips an arm around my waist and smiles at me.

~I wanna be with you now, closing up the distance between us.~

I sometimes wonder if Kairi is just with me to spite Riku. Some of the glares I've caught her aiming at him behind my back make me consider. Though I can't understand why she'd want to anger him. Besides the Ansem thing. But didn't he try to help her..? I can never tell what's going on in her head.

I don't mind being with Kairi, her holding me and holding her. But.. it's never quite as satisfying as when Riku held me. I feel like nothing can touch me. With Riku, it's like a motherly embrace.. more than motherly.. it's like a lover's touch. And Kairi.. it's like a friend hugging a friend. An encouragement hug?

~If we begin now, we will still make it, we can start over. We won't be a single piece, but..~

There's a rustle of cloth as you stand. Where are you going? Don't leave me now.. I look up at you, frowning. Don't leave..

"It's late. I should get some sleep.." He gazes down at us, and I see something like sadness, maybe jealousy, flash accross his eyes.

Are you jealous of us, Riku? Is that why you're running away?

"But.. Riku.." I hold out a hand to him, I don't want him to go. I don't want him to run away from me. Please.. Riku? I feel tears gathering in my eyes again as he shifts uncomfortably.

"Already, Riku? Well, ok. Goodnight." Why is she so anxious to get rid of him? I'm tempted to push her away from me. The anger towards her and Riku boils in me and have to shut my eyes to stop from crying. I'm so confused.

Riku turns and walks off into the woods, disapearing in the darkness.

~I wanna be with you, now..~

Riku.. stop running away from me..! Come back..

~Someday the distance will be shorter, ~

I'll be better.. I promise..

~and we will hold it and hug together.~

I promise!!

~We can start sooner, ~

Riku..

~Afterall, I wanna be with you..~

I shake my head and move away from Kairi, sliding off the end of the log.

"Wait here. I'll be back."

The look she gives me is so disapproving. Why do you have to be like that, Kairi? Why can't you just take him back?

~Oh, just one word, just a little thing, can hurt you so much..~

What did I ever do to make Riku run away from me like this.. Whatever it is.. I'm sorry.. I'm *sorry* Riku!

~That shows me how loneliness can be..~

I turn and run off into the woods, the familiar trail awaits me. The woods at night look so dark and .. lonely.

~But when you can't protece it, keep on trying, baby..~

I stop and lean against a tree, dried leaves crunching under my feet. Sighing, I look down at my hands. They're so small and fragile. Who would have thought I'd banished evil with these? Frowning, I shove them into the pockets of my jacket and continue forward, slowly.

~Even if it ain't like I promised, but please..~

There's a small clearing ahead of me, where Riku's form is crouched over, his head in his hands. I'm pretty sure he knows I'm here, he's always known when I try to sneak up on him. But just in case, I slow my pace and make sure not to step on any leaves. Although, that's difficult, seeing as my shoes are almost five times the size of my actual feet.

He stiffens as I near, and turns his head away.

Are you crying, Riku? Is it my fault?

~Trust me and go on..~

"Riku? Why are you crying?" He turns to me with a scowl. Riku.. why do you distance yourself from me like this.. "Riku? Are you okay??"

He leans back and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

My heart aches to reach out and pull him into a hug, to hold him and never let him hurt again.

~But I won't force anything. Because for you, I would try anything..~

"Where's Kairi?" His tone is hostile, and I take a step back. What does it matter? Do you care about her more than me?

~I wanna be with you now..~

"Riku.. she's back on the beach." I step forward, and reach out a hand. I can't resist touching him, he looks so fragile. Like a broken doll.

~Let's .. watch the distance together..~

But he pulls out of my reach, and I retract my hand. Why? Why won't you let me touch you, Riku? Do you want me to care? Do you care if I care?

He falls back, losing his balance and landing sprawled on the mossy floor. I hurry towards him, concerned and still hurt from his cold behavior.

~We can still make it if we go now..~

I place a hand on his chest, trying to hold him down, so he doesn't push me away. But he's stronger, and pushes me away anyway. He pushes himself up and turns around, the moonlight seeping in between the leaves and shining down on his face and hair.

"Don't touch me."

~.. we can.. start over..~

I nearly cry at that statement, my face contorting to express all my emotions; confusion, anger, and pain.

Why, Riku?! Why can't I touch you? *Why won't you let me care!?*

~I wanna say it with my voice..~

"Riku?" I whisper, not allowing my voice to waver, but still thick with passion. Tears continue to well up in my eyes, some escaping and trickling down my cheeks. I hastily wipe them away, I don't want him to think I'm weak.. after all I've been through.

~I wanna be with you now..~

"I'm sorry Sora. It's nothing. I'm good." He smiles at me, although I'm sure he's just trying to reassure me.

I know you're lying to me, Riku! Stop it! *I'm not a child anymore!!*

My fists ball at my sides but I force a wide smile, choking back the sob that rises in my throat.

I won't push you. If you don't want me to care, I won't.

~Someday, the distance will be shorter..~

I stand and continue smiling, and run off before I start crying in front of you again.

Someday, Riku.. the distance between us won't be so great.

~and we will hold it and hug together.~

And then, then I'll keep you safe. I'll hold you in my arms and love you forever.

~We should stay together;~

I stop before I exit the forest, staring up through the gap in the trees at the shining silver moon.

~Afterall, I wanna be with you..~

I smile to myself. "Riku.." The small whisper is carried by the wind, as my smile brightens and I turn to walk back to Kairi.

Someday, Riku. Someday you'll love me like I love you.

~I need to be with you.~
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Author's Ending Notes: So.. uh.. mushy goodness? It's still angsty, but I figured I'd make poor Riku have someone that loves him, even if it's only inwardly.. I wasn't gonna make Sora love him at first.. but yeah. We needed some mush. Plus this song doesn't really go along too well if someone doesn't love someone..

Here's the lyrics I promised:

Original Japanese Lyrics..

Ki ni naru noni kikenai

Oyogitsukarete kimi made mukuchi ni naru
Aitai noni mienai nami ni osarete

Mata sukoshi tooku naru
Togirenai you ni Keep it going baby

Onaji kimochi ja nai nara tell me

Muri wa shinai shugi demo

Sukoshi nara shite mitemo ii yo
I wanna be with you now

Futari de distance chijimete

Ima nara maniau kara

We can start over

Hitotsu ni wa narenai
I wanna be with you now

Itsu no hi ka distance mo

Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo

We can start sooner

Yappari I wanna be with you
Hitokoto de konna ni mo kizutsuku kimi wa

Kodoku wo oshiete kureru
Mamorenai toki keep on trying, baby

Yakusoku toori ja nai kedo trust me

Muri wa shinai shugi demo

Kimi to narashite mitemo ii yo
I wanna be with you now

Futari de distance mitsumete

Ima nara maniau kara

We can start over

Kotoba de tsutaetai
I wanna be with you now

Sono uchi ni distance mo

Dakishimerareru you ni nareru yo

We should stay together

Yappari I need to be with you