Fan Fiction ❯ Night out ❯ The Show Starts... ( Chapter 2 )

**The bus pulls up to the studio and Snake and Otacon meet Raiden and proceed to enter into the studio**

Snake: *Notices pink fluffy chairs* are you sure you got the right tickets Raiden?

Raiden: Yeah, Haha the guy who sold them to me had the stupidest hair...

Snake: *Ominously* You didn't say anything about it did you?

Raiden: Haha, I burnt him good, haha

Otacon: *sighs* Oh you big idiot...

Raiden: Huh?

Otacon: I don't think we have the tickets you thought *looks round and points to a well-muscled guy wearing an army uniform, but without a top*

Raiden: Yeah... He's in an army uniform..

Otacon: HE'S CAMP!!!

Raiden: *looks confused* hmmm... *thinks to himself "I don't get it..."*

Otacon: *points to a massive sign saying "So Graham Norton"*

Snake: NO WAY, Nuh uh, BYEeeeeeeeee, We're outta here, I hate that show...

*Notices scantily clad women walking though the door*

Snake: Or do I... Hel-looo *follows dumbstruck into the studio, drooling, muttering oh yeah baby, shake it good...*

* Our bemused hero's find their seats and the familiar theme tune comes on*

Graham Norton: HELLllooooo my lovely audience

Raiden: I am rather lovely aren't I. *Turns round and checks out his butt* Tell me morreee about myself...

Graham Norton: Hmm.. yes you are... *thinks, "Freak..."*

*Snake looks disturbed*

Graham: *does funny little laugh* Who's your mullet haired friend then? Anyone tell him the 80's are over?

Snake: *gets out his pistol shoots at Graham who shields himself with a pink fluffy clipboard* You wanna say that again..?

Graham: Okayyy moving on... Everyone stand up please, now, sit down if you have had a problem relationship... I'm talking reaallllllly strange.

*Various people talk to Graham about pee, egg whisks and bondage (it's that type of show...)

*Then Graham notices Otacon...*

Graham: You don't look the type... But it's always the quiet ones...

Otacon: I had this thing with a suicidal maniac...

*Audience goes silent*

Otacon: - Who had an unhealthy relationship with wolves...

*Audience is still silent for a moment but then Snake sniggers and the crowd starts laughing*

Otacon: I think she loved the wolves more than me, it was always rover this, rover that, rover's got a car, look at the necklace rover brought me... *He sobs but no-one comforts him- they just back away.*

Graham: (Mockingly) Rover sounds soooooooo rude!

Otacon: Oh he is, or was... *thinks back to when he threw Rover's favourite toy into the M25, hears beeeeeppppp beeeeeppppp a skidding sound then.... squish, splat, * *He starts to laugh evilly...* Mwahhh haaa haaa haa...

Graham: *Gives Otacon a funny look, then notices Fatman* Ah I think we found the answer to who ate all the pies...

Fatman: Grow fat and laugh...

Graham: Yessss... *thinks the audience is realllly weird tonight, now when I say someone's weird that's really bad.....*

Fatman: Ok ok, I have a problem relationship.

Graham: That's what we're talking about...

Fatman: With food... *breaks down crying...* I haven't seen my dick in 2 years, I got more chins than a Chinese phone book, I eat because I'm unhappy...and I'm unhappy because I eat, it's a viscous circle... And my skates have broke from the enormous weight!! *Wails* I loved those skates, they made me a hit with the chicks...Nothing's sexier than a fat man on roller skates... *starts singing "sexy man sexy man skating like only a sexy man can*

Graham: I agreeee on that... ... YOU'RE A FREAK!!!!

Fatman: "Oh, I'm a hard case" he thinks! (louder) Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby! Yeah, Baby: the other OTHER white meat! Baby: it's what's for lunch! And guess what's for dinner - Bombs!!

Graham: Now I'm going to organise some nice people to come and help you ...

*Sirens are heard and men carry out Fatman, it takes 20 in all, they put him in a straight-jacket but the fat bulges out and burst's it, he eats two of the men and runs out laughing manically.*

Graham: Now this is getting weird, ooh fun... Now just time for one more... *Sees Psycho Mantis in his usual gear sitting next to a sheep in leather* I'm not going to even go there...

Raiden: *Leans over to sheep* Hey baby... Nice perm...

*Otacon pulls him back and slaps him.*

Raiden: Hey what was that for?

Otacon: Just because...