Fan Fiction ❯ Shatters of a Heart ❯ Part 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Shatters of a Heart ~By Lovely-chan~

Destiny scoff at my life…
A heart in a cage with no escapes…
For two lonely hearts that found each other,
Are forced to go separate ways.

Two boys lay on the grass with their eyes gazing at the stars. The black haired older boy had his worshiped best friend to the side. He took the small boy's hand and they giggled right away sharing a loving smile, then both looked up again while the grass tickled their hands. "Kouin…what is your greatest dream?" The green eyed older boy asked.
"My biggest dream..." He got lost on his thoughts for a moment. "To have a real family…find real love. Someone who loves me for real, for me…you know?" The young boy replied shyly. "What is yours Yutaka?"
"My dream is for your true happiness…only then I can have mine." The caring friend replied smiling.
"Yuyu…thank you…for loving me." The young boy pressed his best friend's hand and both stayed still, gazing at the Moon and the stars.
Was it fate that brought us together or was it a debt I must pay?

The Yutaka Story...

I still recall the moment we first met like it was yesterday, a heavenly sight capturing my heart and my senses. His eyes, a sea of confusion and fear, and his breath a sweet caress of the wind. But whom was this lovely child now smiling at me? He was the one who could make my heart bleed.
Since the first moment I loved him, but an innocent love, from a child to another. I guess it was friendship, nothing more, for a child of my age could not love any other way.
Was it fate for two lonely souls tormented by fear and loneliness to meet each other? How destiny plays with our lives to end up leaving us empty.
From the beginning Kouin and I connected, a strong bond was born between us just with the first smile we shared; we knew each other's secrets, dreams, and fears. Kouin was gentle and innocent, while I was more restless and bold. I always took care of him; after all, he was younger than I was. He was a lonely child, alone in a huge mansion shared with a ghost that called himself a father. How can a seven year old survive by himself without someone to guide him through the journey of life? I was only one year older, but was beside him all the way, day and night till he meet one girl...the girl that stole his heart.

In our younger years I lived with it, the three of us became friends, but as the years passed my heart begin to ache, so I stepped further away so I wouldn't be in the middle. Kouin was my happiness, my sorrow, and my all. The feelings in my heart torture me day by day, but I deny it to myself. How could I love a guy if I was a guy myself?

Kouin grew taller than I and much stronger, his dark brow hair falling to his eyes and a small cascade of trends circling the back of his neck. Six-foot, blue-green eyes, and the whitest smile I've ever seen. A beautiful angel before my eyes was my dear friend, with firm muscles developing his delightful slender body.

The awakening desires he provoked me were something unbearable for me to take, but even when I wanted to tell him about my feelings I didn't. I knew if I did I would only push him away, and I couldn't resist that, so I promised to myself to keep it a secret never to be told; it should be more than enough to be his friend, therefore I loved him in silence for many years.

Time after time his heart broke, for love, for a desired family and an unknown childhood he couldn't remember. I was there, always there when he needed me, good and bad times side by side to comfort him; he did the same. He trusted and believed in me with his eyes closed, even when we didn't share the same amount of time together.
But the time for our hearts to crumble wasn't far when the truth from his past hit him like a cold stab through the heart; my Kouin was a real angel. How ironic for me to know the angel in my heart was indeed so. An angel sent from heaven as a gift from God was he, but how could God have mercy with a simple human in love with one of his heavenly creatures? Don't angels live in heaven and had wings of their own? Didn't angels have dwellings different from us? I was right to believe so, 'cause my angel must go.

I felt terrible to know I have sinful desires for a celestial being, and to think of all the times I didn't miss the chance to touch him and be near him just to feel his warmth against my skin. I asked to myself if I deserved forgiveness or even the right to exist, but even with the remorse in my heart, I couldn't stop loving him.
I tried to calm myself through my music, so I dedicated myself on songwriting and music composition, all dedicated to my love. Kouin wasn't aware of my feelings, he didn't notice, and the truth was he didn't even know I was in love at all. One afternoon I confessed my love for him through a song I wrote for my dearest one, but we weren't alone, so he was now aware I was hopelessly in love but didn't know he was the object of my affection.

But my angel's mission on Earth had to be conquered, a child he must conceived with another angel that lives on Earth. My dear one will be forced to leave the Earth soon, leaving me all alone in this planet. Kouin must return to the place he belongs-so I couldn't wait any more and confessed my feelings, but even when I knew what he would reply, it hurt like a knife through my heart.
"I love you Yutaka but not the same way you do. You are my brother, my family…please understand, I love Kai Ling."
His words crumbled me to the ground. I knew it. I always knew it-yet it broke me in two. His words sounded so cruel to my ears even when he said it in the kindest way. "I know…I never intent for you to love me, but I…fell in love with your heart. I feel desire for you in a way I never did before. To touch you, to kiss you…your closeness was something I needed more than air." I looked up into his sea eyes so he could see through my heart and believe every word I said. " Kouin, I love you. I have loved you since I can remember, I think I even loved you before we met…for the moment I saw you I knew you were the one I would love till my last breath of life." I was so ashamed for my feelings I looked down wanting to be swallowed by the ground on my feet. I couldn't hold on my tears, his silence was breaking me even more than harsh words, but the feeling of his hand on my shoulder gave me comfort.
"You don't have to be ashamed to love, it is a beautiful thing, but you must find another person to love. You are wonderful and anyone would be more than happy to be loved by you. Just open your heart a little, you'll see." His words somehow ceased my pain even when he was leading me away from him. I lifted my head to meet his eyes; emeralds meet the sea in a long quiet stare. "You want me to kiss you?" I opened my eyes in disbelief; was my angel asking to kiss me? I said nothing but no words were needed 'cause sometimes there are no words to express a feeling.

His hands held my cheeks heating them up instantly, and a long and doubtful gaze from his eyes followed before our lips met. His breathe brushed softly to my face as he approached me provoking some sort of dizziness with the fresh smell of mint I could sense. I slightly open my lips and so did he, a second later, we were lip to lip.

A wet warm tongue intruded inside my damped cave engulfing deeper and deeper. My chest constricted leaving me breathless as we continued our lasting kiss. He lowered his hands caressing my neck, my shoulders, my arms till he get to my hands and squeezed them with his own. The touch of his hands made me shiver and his eager tongue deep in my throat made me hard. An electric shock wave followed traveling down my spine and released a soft sob from my crying lips. A volcanic heat was burning through my veins, so I wrapped my arms around his waist pressing him close to my chest. I was melting out of the passion swirling inside me and I slid my hands up his wide back hungrily. I could feel one hand brushing my hair and another one down my neck so I whimpered and twitched longing for more, but a splash of cold water struck against myself when he extinguished my fire turning around.
"Please leave." Was all he said. I doubted at first then walked away to the door; I was about to leave when a hoarse voice made me stop just to be hurt even more. "Don't tell anyone."

I tottered at first, then tried to be strong and not cry in front of him. "I promise…please forgive me." I closed the door and ran away with a river of tears down my face; my angel, my love was a sure loss. The way I cried made my sick mother stand from her bed to console me, giving me the love and support I needed, but not even her love wasn't able to heal my broken heart for the loss of the one I cherished the most.

After that day I didn't see him for weeks; I didn't know if he was still on Earth, all I knew was that he wasn't there anymore. I felt so lonely, my two loves I was about to lose forever; my mother agonizing from a fierce illness that was stealing her life bit by bit, and my angel who abandon me in a cold and unexpected way.

I was a lot thinner than before; my slim body had become merely bones. The sadness and hard work were degenerating my young body and since there wasn't enough money to pay my mother's medicines, I couldn't go wasting it on food, so I took maybe only one meal a day if I was lucky enough. I was also forced to quit my last year in school, I needed to work full time to support the house and my brother was no help, all he had was for himself, so I was stuck with the bills.

But not everything was hell for me after all. It was the night for me to become the leading man of my band, I was very excited-for months I had played only the guitar and now I was left to sing as well. I was shaking when I looked down at the crowd below the stage of the club, many nights I've seen them, but only now I felt fear. The good thing was that after a few minutes of singing I felt confidence and rocked the house.

When the show was over I ran to take a bath since I was in a hurry, and heard the door slam while I was getting dressed. I turned to yell at the intruder and ask him to go away-I didn't want anyone to see how skinny I was, but when I meet the sea eyes across the room my anger turned to a smile. "…Kouin!" My gift from God smiled back at me then took a long stare at my tenuous body.

"You've lost some weight! Yutaka…are you eating well? You should stop by for dinner or something. I know! You miss my cooking, is that so?" I only smiled even when I hated the fact he saw me like that.
"I sure have…there's nothing like you're cooking!" I keep dressing while he seated himself on a speaker staring at me finishing my job. "So what brings you here?" I didn't know what to say after so long and most of all after our last encounter.
"What do you mean? I came to support you as always! Not every day my best friend gets on the spotlight. Congratulations, you were spectacular; I really mean it."
"Thanks…for coming." I looked down a little nervous with his presence, I couldn't look at his beautiful crystal eyes without reviving the taste of his lips, his warmth, his smell, and his soft touch.
"I said I'll always be there, and I keep my promises. I wouldn't miss this for anything…I'm your biggest fan!" He started giggling. "Maybe I should get your autograph now before you become rich and famous." I looked up to him and he winked me an eye while he gave me a mocking smile.
"Don't exaggerate, you fool!" He jumped from his seat and messed my hair while he laughed. "Let's go! I have to stay with my mother, she is sick at the hospital."
"I know…I'm sorry I wasn't there…I thought…you didn't want to see me and needed some time alone." I couldn't believe he thought that, when all I wanted was he near my side, but a question keeps repeating on my head, why did he kiss me? Why? For the more I asked myself, I never concluded with any reasonable answer, but how could I understand the mind of a kind soul like his, when he probably did it for kindness or out of pity? The one thing making me feel good was that he knew more about my life that I knew about his from this time we were apart.

We spent time together; my mother was happy to see me smile and was sure the reason was right beside me. After she fell asleep, he stayed a little more till he asked me what was troubling me. "Are you ok Yutaka? Are we still friends?" It was torturing him. I could see his worried frown intensified as he waited for an answer. "'Cause I don't want to lose you…you are my best friend in the world." His voice sounded hoarse and shaky, and the melancholy surrounding it almost make me cry.
"Don't worry Kou…we're cool." He tried to smile but his lips only twitched, minutes later he left with tearful eyes.

Next thing I know was his sudden departure, my angel was forced to leave Earth immediately. His secret was discovered and now was hunted to turn him into a lab rat. A teenager from another planet was living as a terrestrial, but they didn't know he was actually an angel. Kouin was able to escape thanks to the hidden powers he possessed; he headed to the lake where his transport was hidden. He called me on the phone to say goodbye. I ended up sneaking out my job and ran to the lake-I needed to see him one last time, so I pushed myself to the limit to reach him before he left. A glorious figure standing beside the lake made my heart scream. "Kouin! Kouin, don't go!" I made it. I was catching my breath and he placed his hand on my shoulder trying to calm me down.
"Relax, I'm still here." I felt both his hands squeezing my shoulders tightly letting me know he was really in front of me and it was not an illusion.
"I-I wanted to say goodbye." I couldn't stop looking at his beautiful sea blue eyes and his angelic face.
"Yutaka, I'm glad you came." I sensed melancholy on his voice and his eyes. "I have something for you." He took a small bag out of his pocket and placed it in my hands. "I won't need this anymore, use it to pay the hospital." I couldn't believe he though of that when he was running away from that group of savages after him. "Be good Yutaka, and search for new dreams. Never stop dreaming or you'll lost faith in life." How could I have any faith when I was losing the light of my existence? When I was sure from that day forward I would die. "I'll always remember you, always." I was melting with his words and with the view of his tearful eyes so I jumped to his arms to hold him one last time. My heart was filled with sorrow and I couldn't help but to cry for the lost of my all. He caressed my hair softly and tenderly as he held me near his heart, after a few moments I let go; I knew he had to leave. "Take care Yutaka, eat well." A sparkle of hope stirred up inside.
"I'll see you in two years." I was right, my intuition didn't fail me, he would return, but I was sure it was because of her. To assure my suspicion, he gave me a letter and asked me to deliver it to her and I agreed.
I took out of my pocket a letter and a tape I had for this occasion. I knew he would leave soon, but didn't expect so soon. "This is for you, I hope you like them." I said with strangled voice.
"I sure will." He tried to smile but he couldn't, he was holding back his tears.
When he was about to leave my heart hilt inside knowing he was very depressed because she let him go without following him home, so I could only yell how my soul felt even when it wouldn't be comforting for his aching heart.
"I love you…I love you Kouin. If I was her, I would go with you." He squeezed me and I cryed on his chest. "I'll never forget you. I'll wait for you always, always. Even if you go I'm with you…my heart will part your way; he will follow you wherever you go always…always."
"Yutaka…" I felt his tears falling down my face; my angel was crying hopeless in my arms, a second later he was gone, leaving me holding nothing more than a memory. I fell down on my knees while my world crumbled down with his goodbye. I cried endless tears for even endless hours; I felt completely broken, demolished by the pain his departure left, but still had a hope to see him again…

Kouin:

Now that you are gone my life has no meaning, but I promise to be waiting for you to return. Deep down I know you'll be back one day, but even if you don't, in my heart, in my life there is a special place for you. You were the world to me so I left your way…my body is here, my mind as well, but my heart is with you. My love is stronger than any distance; it will follow you everywhere waiting for you to return it back to me.
I ask God for forgiveness for my darkest sin; my sin is to love you more than myself 'cause I would give up my life just to see you smile. Please promise to be safe and most of all, be happy-whatever happens. Be yourself, and your world would blossom again. I believe in you always. With all my love,
Yutaka.