Fan Fiction ❯ Simple and Clean ❯ Draco, related to a brunette? ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I own NADA. He he, sorry, I'm on vacation right now at South Cal (sorry to everyone whose been missing me, I kinda forgot to tell you guys. Woops my bad.) and we're going down to Mexico, so my Spanish mode has kicked in. who would have thought that 3 years of spanish classes could be so unhelpful.

Author's Note: One thing. Air Bud; Golden Receiver is the weirdest movie I've ever seen in my life. Ok maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, cus Hey Arnold was pretty weird, but it's still a close match. Oops, babbling again. Anyway, thank you to my reviewers for reviewing, I love you guys. Even if I kinda forced Nikki to review. Te he he he. Ok, that's enough of my babbling, time for me to start chapter 2 of Simple and Clean. Oh yeah, and yes this fic does contain Slash, not so much in the beginning but it will definitely pick up in later chapters.

::bla bla bla:: thoughts

:::bla bla bla::: song lyrics

##bla bla bla## japanese

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:::When we are older you'll understand:::

:::What I meant when I said,

:::No,:::

:::I don't think life is quite that simple:::

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The minute that he stepped off the Hogwarts Express Harry knew that this year was going to be different. ::Of course it is you idiot. Draco Malfoy is being civil to you! It's the end of the world as we know it! They're having a blizzard in hell! You got contact lenses! Well, actually, that's possible. Bad analogy! Um...Hermione's hair is really a hedgehog in disguise! Wait, that's possible too. Argh, I give up. It's just gonna be different.::

Speaking, or rather thinking, of the girl, Hermione nudged him sharply in his side at that moment. "Harry! Wake up, the Sorting Ceremony just ended. You could at least pretend you're paying attention, you know." ::Owwww that hurt! Man that girl has a hard elbow.::

"Hey, hey, hey. I resent that. I've been clapping," retorted Harry, rather feebly. ::Just like I resent the fact that Draco has gotten freaking hot over the summer. It makes hating him a lot harder. Ok, where the hell did that come from?!::

"Yes, like you're the newest member of the living dead," replied Hermione while shaking head disapprovingly. "Where do you think the new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher is?" she whispered to her friends as Dumbledore began his speech. ::Oh yeah, change the subject once you've decided that insulting me has lost its touch, do you? Fine by me, I'll get to save my witty comebacks for Draco. Gotta work on my pick ups too. Tehehe I'm so cool. Wait, I'm not supposed to use pick ups on Draco! We're enemies! Ok, I'll just practice on him. Tehehe, still cool.::

Ron and Harry shrugged. "Who knows? They always leave after a year anyway," stated Ron while zoning out. ::Ladies and gentleman, the human space boy, Ron Weasley!::

Just then came the dramatic banging open of the Great Hall doors and the equally dramatic entrance of the mysterious duo. ::Woah, where did they come from? That's like something out of a movie. Hey, they aren't half bad looking. Besides, that girl's smirk kinda looks like Draco's. Ok remind me again why my brain is rebelling against me and thinking about Draco? Bad brain! Behave! NOW!::

Harry was able to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to hear Dumbledore announce to Hogwarts that the strange Asian man and teenage girl were the new DADA teachers. ::Um, ok then. Why is one of the teachers my age? That's just plain weird. Now, I wouldn't mind getting tutoring from Draco on more things than Potions, but that's Draco. Ok brain, what did I say about behaving?!::

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in their usual fashion at the gaping expressions on his students' faces. "I think that Professor Kanno would like to say a few introductory words before our feast commences. Am I correct, Professor Kanno?" ::Weird name, Kanno. Hmm...lets see. What rhymes with Kanno? Banno, canno, danno, fanno, lanno, sanno, vanno. Are these even words? What kind of a name is Kanno? Why am I asking all these questions?! Damn my brain is messed up. I wonder if thinking about Draco will help. On second thought, it won't.::

The Asian man now known as Kanno nodded slightly, then whispered rapidly to Dumbledore in a different language. Dumbledore's look of amusement had increased as he turned back to the still-gapping students. "As Professor Kanno is not under a Translation spell at the moment and his English is not entirely understandable at the moment, Ms. Talers will be translating for him." ::Oooooh a linguist! I wonder if Draco's a linguist. Oh that would be so hot, he could scream dirty words in multiple languages! I did NOT just think that. Ok maybe I did. God damn it!::

The girl's smirk widened as she stepped forward next to Kanno as he whispered into her ear in his rapid foreign language. "Professor Kanno would like to say that he is incredible honored to be teaching you this school year, and that he hopes everyone will be able to learn about the Dark Arts to the best of their abilities. Also, I would like to personally thank each and every one of you for the gold fish impressions, they are quite amusing and will serve me a good laugh in a few years," stated Topaz in a silky smooth, if not slightly arrogant, voice. ::Hey, Linguist Lady has a sense of humor! Maybe life won't be quite so boring in Defense Against the Dark Arts. Yay! Now I'll have something to do when we don't have class with the Slytherins. In English, staring at Draco's sexy body and face. Brain, I have two words for you. CAN IT!::

Harry suppressed a laugh at this last comment, especially when Kanno slapped his head at the girl's statement. ::At least he can understand English. You know, I was right about that girl Topaz. She's like Draco's twin sister. Sweeetttt, now I know what Draco would look like if he was a girl. Except, with brown hair and blue eyes...ok so Draco probably wouldn't look like Topaz. He'd be a lot hotter. URGH! Stop it brain!!!!::

A deep chuckle from Dumbledore interrupted the still gapping students, though some were now drooling. "Well, I think that that's a good enough introductory speech for me, how about everyone else?" ::Ewwwwwwwww...drool is so nasty. Make them stop! Make them stop!::

His question was greeted by open mouths and some drool dripping loudly onto the floor. ::Oh yeah, THAT worked. Thanks for ruining my appetite Dumbledore.::

"Well, what are you all waiting for? Dig in!" ::I don't think I can...ugghhh. Hey at least Draco isn't drooling. But if he did, I bet it would be hella sexy. Didn't think that, didn't think that. La la la la la.::

At that cue the once-empty plates filled with different types of foods. From large turkeys dripping with golden gravy, to emerald green peas drizzled with creamy butter, there wasn't anything that anyone didn't want to eat. ::Mmmmmm yummy!! Chicken! I wonder if Draco tastes as good as chicken? I did NOT just think that. Ok maybe I did. But do I have to acknowledge that? Nope. Denial seems very good right now.::

Harry was too busy in devouring his chicken and singing about denial in his head to notice that the female version of Draco's personality was sauntering over to the blond himself. In fact, he wasn't aware of anything at all, besides the tiny voice in his head and the plate full of chicken that was directly in front of him. That is, until the human hedgehog, also known as Hermione, nudged him with her elbow. Again. ::Owww...her elbows are going to be the death of me!! Nooooo I'm too young to die!! I haven't even gotten to lick Draco's neck yet!!! Denial, denial. Man, I love rivers in Egypt.::

"Ow! Jeez, what was that for?! I'll have you know I was having a nice, healthy argument with my brain, and you just interrupted it. Now how am I supposed to know who won?" Harry said while pouting. ::Wwwhhhaaaa life is so unfair!! Ok brain, we'll duke it out tonight after the feast. One on one, best thumb wrestler wins.::

"Um...mate? You feeling okay? You don't happen to be a St. Mungo's escapee, right? Or worse, Malfoy in disguise on one of his PMS days?" Ron asked nervously. ::WHAT?! Draco's a GIRL?! Wait, it is true that only girls have pms right?::

"I'll have you know, Weasel, that I'm not Harry in disguise, as I would die wearing his clothes, and I do NOT have PMS days," came an irritated voice from behind them. ::That voice seems very familiar. Hm...time to turn around and break up the suspense! Cue dramatic Jaws music. Duh duh. Duh duh. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh...::

Harry's eyes widened as he turned around to find himself face to face with none other than the said blonde. ::Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod.::

Hermione and Draco raised an eyebrow at him as Topaz clutched her sides laughing. Ron had already fainted from the shock of Draco appearing out of nowhere behind them. "Harry? Why are you saying `Oh my god' over and over again?" ::Gah! I said that out loud?!::

"Gah! I said that out loud?!" ::Ok, must remember to stop saying things that I think out loud. That's the second time today!::

"Yes, and you sound like a bloody girl," Draco droned in an uninterested manner. He seemed too busy scrutinizing Harry's upper body instead of his face. The boy in turn raised his eyebrows. "Well, I may have sounded like a girl, but I can assure you I'm not, so stop trying to see if I have female reproductive parts above my stomach." ::Though he does look very hot when he's checking me out...denial is a lovely thing. Denial, denial, I love you, denial.::

Draco blushed lightly, sputtering. "I'll have you know Harry, I was NOT looking at you like that, I was just looking at that disgusting stain on the front of your shirt." ::GAH!!! THIS IS MY FAVORITE SHIRT!!!! Wait a minute, there's nothing here. Ok, now I'm confused.::

Topaz, who had just recovered from her laughing fit, smirked at the blond. "Yeah, that invisible one right smack dab in the middle of his chest, right?" ::Ooooohh I get it now. It was a cover up! Very tricky Blonde, very tricky. But I'm catching on.::

The blonde's eyes narrowed. "Shut up Topaz, or I'll personally make sure you never see any form of luxury again." ::Ok so I had a little help from girl-Draco. Is that a crime?::

Topaz put the back of her hand to her forehead, mock-fainting. "Oh, how could you be so cruel, Draco. After all, we ARE second cousins. I thought you would be happy to see me, but I suppose I was wrong. Oh, woe is me, my own cousin treats me as though I were a lowly serving girl." ::I still take credit for catching on though. Muhahaha...WHAT?!

Hermione and Harry gaped at this as Draco just slapped his head in frustration. "You guys are RELATED?!" ::I KNEW they acted alike! Hey I figured something out myself! Yay!! Happy dance time!::

"Yes, that was my reaction too. I mean, how can I be related to a brunette?" ::What's so wrong with us brunettes? Whhhaaaaaaa.::

Harry almost fell out of his seat at that statement, while Topaz leaned over the Gryffindor Table and hit her head repeatedly on it's surface. Hermione actually did fall out of her chair. Draco looked at them in confusion. "What? What's wrong with that reaction? I personally think that it's a perfectly plausible reaction." ::Whaaaaaaaa no it's not!!! You hate me because of my hair color!!!! My life is over!!!::

"Coming from you, it is. Now stop being such a moron and tell them about me. They probably don't want to have further proof of you living up to the stereotypical blond right now. And please stop sniffing Harry, it's disturbing," said Topaz once she managed to pull herself up from the table. ::the towers here are pretty high, right? That'd be a good place to commit suicide. You'll never make me stop sniffing! Neeeeevvvvveeeerrrrr.::

It was then that she took notice to the leery glances she was getting from every male present in that vicinity, as well as more than one girl. "What? Haven't you ever seen an American girl before?" she snapped at them while glaring menacingly. ::I'll do it tonight, and rid Draco of my presence as a brunette. He deserves a good blond or red head in his life, like Seamus or Ron. Ok, not Ron. That's a disturbing image.::

"Tell me something Topaz, and please answer truthfully," spoke up Ron from below them, who was still on his back from his faint. ::Stop talking Ron, every time you do I think of you and Draco getting it on. That didn't make sense, but that's ok!::

The girl looked down at him. "What is it?" ::Don't encourage him to talk! Don't do it!::

"Do all Americans wear black thongs, or are you just special?" ::See! It's bad for him to talk! He is crude and obnoxious!::

A moment later Draco and Harry looked down at the red head with equal expressions of curiosity while Hermione watched, too shocked for words. "Wow...I never knew an arm could bend that way," commented Draco. ::Maybe he could be a sideshow circus freak. "The Amazing Arm Bending Boy!" Hey, I'm talking to Draco again! YAY!!!!::

"Who cares about the arm, I thought that only banshees could squeak like that," said Harry in awe. ::Tehehe not only can he be the Amazing Arm Bending Boy, he can be the Amazing Shrieking Arm Bending Boy. Do I sound breathless? That's cus Draco's face is about three inches away from mine! Wwwweeeeeeee I'm in heaven!::

Standing up, Topaz brushed her hands over her black skirt and white blouse. "Well, I think it's safe to say that he's not going to be able to move for a few days. And by the way, you two do know that your heads are almost touching, right?" ::Thank you Ms. Obvious. Ok, time to act shocked about this realization.::

Turning to look at one another quickly, Harry and Draco managed to smash their foreheads together in a very ungraceful manner while Topaz fell victim to another laughing attack. Fortunately for her, the two boys were too busy rubbing their sore foreheads to make any comments. ::Oof, overdid it there. I really should have taken up acting, I would have been famous! Just like my hero, Daniel Radcliffe. Ah, but no one is sexier than Blonde over here next to me. Though he does have a pretty hard skull. I bet I'll have a lump in the morning. Well, some people give love bites or hickeys, while others give love lumps.::

Back at the head table, Dumbledore grinned widely at this display of pure comedy as Kanno shook his head at his assistant. ##That girl will never learn,## he said with remorse.

##Yes, but that will make spending eternity with her all the more interesting, wouldn't you agree?## replied Dumbledore.

##I suppose. But I have to wonder if her condition will get in the way of her transformation.##

##I highly doubt it. If anything it will make her all the more powerful## Dumbledore looked over at the group again, and was unable to suppress a laugh of his own as Draco began yelling at his second cousin while Harry just looked on, a dazed expression filling his face. ##However, I can't help but wonder what young Mr. Malfoy's reaction will be once he finds out about his cousin's true nature, and discovers that life is not quite as simple as he has been led to believe since he was born.##

Kanno looked at the elderly man in confusion. ##Why is that?##

##The Malfoy's are very absorbed with the fact that they are one of the few remaining pureblood wizarding families in existence. Finding out that a member of their family isn't, even if she is not directly blood related to them at this time, will no doubt be a shock. ##

##Ah, I understand. Well, now, you have me very curious as to the nature of these seventh year students. And may I ask who it is that Topaz and Mr. Malfoy are talking to now?##

##That would be young Mr. Potter, Mr. Malfoy's future spouse, or so say my seer sources.##

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Author's Note: Muhahahahaha yay! I actually accomplished something this vacation! It's only the second day and I've already finished one chapter! Don't know when I'll be able to post it, as there is no internet, but at least I've finished it! And I might even get to writing chapter 3! Oh, and yes, Kami Kanno is Japanese, and his character is based on a very popular celebrity from there. I admit it, I'm obsessed with Japan, and I'm proud of it!! Muha! I win. Oh, and by the way I couldn't help the Daniel Radcliffe part, it was too funny. At least I didn't use Tom Felton. Even though I personally think that he's a lot hotter than Daniel Radcliffe.