Fan Fiction ❯ Teen Titans: Arachnophobia ❯ T.V. Rots Your Brains! ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

A/N: It has come to my attention that largely italicized sections of the story get kinda clumpy on mm.org… and there's quite a bit of italics in this chapter so I apologize and hopefully it's readable. Have fun my peoples!

( - The Marvel Universe: New York City - )

There is a specific moment in a renowned person's life that tells them when they've truly hit the `big time'. Actually if you yourself would want to live a stereotypical superstar lifestyle, this would be the primary goal of your very existence my friend. The very point of reaching this certain aspiration decides whether you're flaming hot! Or pitifully not! It's a moment that one could call the pinnacle of the strenuous climb to world-wide notoriety.

Well everyone, this is troublesome to say, but someone we all know and love was about to reach this pinnacle of stardom at this very (scary) moment. To think that in only a mere two days this child `prodigy' has already gained enough respect and renown to have this blessing placed upon his big ol' head. Yes friends! It is now freakin' official!

Larry the Legend has been born!

From zero to hero! Three cheers for our Larry! Hip hip! Hurray! Hip hip! Hurray! Hip hip! Hur… Oh wait… you all must be wondering what this `oh so' prestigious honor is eh? Well kiddies I'll tell you. Wait… can we get a drum roll please?

(Drum roll)

Alright… do you really want to know?

Seriously do you? Oh you do? Fine.

Well then… it is the tremendous honor, and an extreme privilege to be the star of your very own…

“Got Milk?” Magazine Ad!

Yep! Our Larry was going to join the ranks of many talented faces such as Sarah Michelle Gellar, the Olsen Twins, and Yoda. Fear it people! Fear the craze! For Larry-mania was running wild all over New York City! And of course Larry was totally basking in its alien yet extremely comforting attention. This obsessive fan-boy was finally getting an accurate taste of what being like his favorite hero felt like after all, although probably in a more forceful sense that's for sure. Good for him or bad for him? Heh, why don't you decide?

“Wait! Hold it! Stop the flashes!”

The photography crew stood silent as the lead photographer threw her face into her hands in frustration. Larry, who was adorned in that usual Robin-stuff, gave her a skewed look as he stood in pose. So innocent his face was, but apparently `innocent' wasn't what this lady `does'.

“Larry I've told you a hundred times now! You're not supposed to drink the whole glass.”

“I'm not?”

“Yes! We need some milk in the glass for the picture.”

“Oops, Larry is sorry.”

The director sighed. “Yes, yes you are.” She turned to her assistants, “Okay, now let's do this for the what? The squillionth time?”

The camera crew groaned as they made preparations once again. In a few, every detail was set and ready to go and damn was Larry pumped!

“Alright! Larry is ready!”

“Whoopee,” The director muttered as she stared at the child. This kid is driving me insane. She shook her head. There is no way in hell this kid got rid of Spider-Man, Venom, and Carnage. She took another harsh glance as Larry was running around with arms spread like an airplane. There's just no way…

Oh yes there was director lady. There was definitely a way. We all know that.

Larry took a glass of milk from an assistant and drank it until it was half-full (Or empty for you pessimists), letting the spillage drizzle down his chin and all over his Robin costume. Honestly this created more of a milk beard rather than a mustache and this only brought about more sighs. The director and her helpers stood in a weak manner, whimpering as they grabbed their faces in frustration.

“Oh what the hell let's just go with it.” The director moped. “They are so not paying me enough for this.”

So with that, the photo session began and relatively smoothly at that. Larry wasn't going to disappoint either as he was striking all sorts of poses (Robin inspired of course) while letting his as usual much inspired yells of `Yay!' echo in the room. Yup, all was going well for our favorite little doppelganger here. Oh yeah, that was until the sound of glass shattering made everyone in the room jump with semi-heart attacks. Nothing too bad though.

The pair responsible for the crash landed in the room in a slight crouch and slowly took a glance at their surroundings. A pin drop could be heard as the area was entirely silenced by the duo that had just crashed the party. These weren't your normal civilians by the way. You could easily tell by their attire… that is unless you're blind, which ironically one of them was. Funny how that works eh?

The two were adorned in tight skin suits - the male in dark-red, the female in black and white. While the male's devil-like costume did grab some attention, being that mostly `guys' were in the room the female's skin-tight `hubba hubba' attire was a sight that was clearly a bit more cherished.

“Sorry everyone, but show's over.” The one in red smirked. The female nodded in agreement as she slowly stood.

“Whoa I can't believe it… you're… you're…”

“Not in a good mood.” She scowled while forcing the assistance's mouth shut with her `paw'. She then turned her head swiftly, letting that long snow white hair flutter back in that `oh so posh' sorta way, bringing about more sighs. The male of the pair walked over to the assistant who was still slobbering with his closed jaw in a light chuckle. “Heh better luck next time kid,”

Larry laughed a bit nervously as these two threatening figures let their shadows cast over him.

“Um, hello.” Larry muttered as the two slowly stalked him in a prowler's approach. He gave them both a skewed look behind his eye mask as the pair finally stood before him with arms crossed and eyes glaring down upon him with intensity.

“Um… nice to meet-aaah!” The female of the pair suddenly grabbed Larry by his tunic and lifted him up so they were face to face.

“Uh… Larry likes your costume,” He grinned with heart eyes. “You are very pretty.” He then turned to her apparent partner, “Don't you agree mister?”

“Sorry kiddo,” The red-eyed man shrugged. “I wouldn't know.”

Larry's grasper gave him a harsh stare as she spoke with gritted teeth. “Are you the one who got rid of my Spider?”

“Uuuh I…”

“Answer me you little runt!”

“Uuuuh.”

“A little advice here,” The one in red began to inform. “First I'd tell her everything you know. Black Cat isn't one of those girls you should take lightly son. Second I'd tell the truth and nothing but the truth, because I can see a lie from a mile away… literally.”

Yes people, you probably already guessed it correctly. Our little duo of `party crashers' here apparently consisted of Spidey's two closest heroic neighbors and friends. It was the always voluptuous vigilante known as Black Cat and the forever intimidating blind crime fighter known as Daredevil.

Larry gulped at our two heroes. “Do not worry… Larry does not lie!”

“Then spill it!” Black Cat demanded.

“It… it was an accident.”

Black Cat paused at the troublesome reply. “Accident?” She suddenly snapped as she shook him wildly. “What did you do to him?”

Larry tried to reply but could only manage half words as he was literally having the life shaken out of him.

“If you hurt him in anyway you'll be-”

Daredevil shook his head. “Calm down Cat. He won't be useful to us totally knocked out.”

Black Cat gave one last growl as she finally calmed herself. In a ball of frustration she tossed Larry, plopping him down on his bottom. She stared at the grimacing child and suddenly walked away with her back turned as she was desperately restraining herself from doing something she would regret. Apparently somebody here really cares about our dimension warped arachnoid.

“That was not fun at all.” Larry muttered as he rubbed his `hurt'.

“Okay kid unless you want another taste of that. Tell us what you did to Spider-Man.” Daredevil grew serious. “Is he… dead?”

Larry shook his head wildly. “No! Larry does not kill!”

Daredevil stood silent attempting to lock in on this frightened boy's heartbeat. He smirked. “Okay, you're clean so far. Continue.”

“Well Larry did not mean to do it! I made a boo boo! It all started when I wanted to go meet the Titans and see Robin! My favorite super hero of all time! I was watching them kicking bad guy butt on the T.V. you see? And then I asked myself…”

(Five Minutes Later)

“YAAAAH!” Larry yelled as he was once again being shaken with relentless aggression.

Black Cat growled like the dominating feline she was. “You teleport my Spider back here this instant you pip squeak!”

“Laaaarry caaaaaaannot!” Larry replied as best as he could, while being plainly made into a milkshake. “Myyy maaaaagic fiiiinger iiiiis nooooot heaaaled.”

Black Cat stopped as Larry's eyes were literally swirling. Daredevil gave a loud exhale of breath. “When can we expect this finger of yours to heal?”

Larry began looking at his bummed magical extremity. “Um, I am not sure mister! It all depends! It could be anytime! Magic is hard to predict.”

“Well so am I if you don't get him back right now!” Black Cat looked as if she was going to strangle him but Daredevil intervened again.

“Stop, we have bigger things to worry about.” Daredevil shook his head. “Besides the fact that I need to go to psychiatrist of course, I still can't believe this kid's story is actually the truth.”

Black Cat, still holding onto Larry, turned towards her current partner in crime. “You're right. Without Spider it's like the crime rate has shot through the roof. I can't handle all this alone.”

“You're telling me. Kingpin has been sending his goons out non-stop since yesterday. I can't help in Manhattan. I got my hands full as it is.”

Black Cat bit her lip. “Can't we ask the Fantastic Four to help?”

“No, they're busy helping the Avengers back on the west coast.”

Pause.

“How about the X-men? They have like what? Fifty members? Can't they send a few over?”

“Sad to say but no, Professor X said they're dealing with some potential intergalactic war that could cause a cataclysmic disintegration to all life.”

Black Cat sighed. “So pretty much the usual for them?” Daredevil nodded. “Yep. Besides, I don't think letting Wolverine patrolling these streets by himself would be a good idea anyway.”

“Right,”

The two sat and pondered. Larry scratched his chin being, like always, the odd boy out. Black Cat suddenly grinned as she looked at Larry's innocent display. The light bulb just went on.

“You know, I got an idea.” She smirked. Larry caught her mutual eye masked glare with his own and `uuuh'd'.

“I think you being such a big `hero' and all, should take Spider's place until you can bring him back.”

“Huh?” Daredevil and Larry asked simultaneously. The devil masked man slapped his head in disbelief. “Okay, I know I have super human hearing but please tell me I heard you wrong.”

“No, you heard me right.” Black Cat smiled at Larry in her natural seductive way. “Well `Larry the Legend' you're now officially my new partner.”

Daredevil threw a hand in his face in pure skepticism. “Oh no,”

Larry laughed nervously and it slowly dissipated into a gulp. “I think Larry does not want to be the hero anymore.”

( - Jump City: Almost A Week Later - )

“Dude you guys!” Beast Boy yelled. “It's almost on!”

The green changeling made a mad dash for that very famous Titan semi-circular couch and leapt into it headfirst like a kamikaze pilot. The automatic slide doors to the living room shot open as the rest of the Titans filed in. Starfire came rocketing into the quarters like a concentration of pure positive energy as usual, clapping in anticipation.

“I truly cannot believe they are dedicating some of the T.V. time just for our newest friend! This is glorious!”

Raven hovered in quite a bit slower after her orange skinned friend, of course with a book in hand. “Starfire, this is pointless.”

Cyborg wasn't too far behind and came barreling in from the other side of the room with his signature assorted array of snack foods. “Yo make way on the landing pad because the ooey gooey goodness plane is here ya'll!”

The box consisting of the unhealthiest foods known to mankind was scattered onto the table like marbles hitting the floor. Beast Boy and Cyborg were plainly hypnotized by the beauty of the mound of marshmallows and chocolate bars that lay before them. The slide doors of the living room opened again and all eyes turned to the two red clad heroes.

“I still don't get it. How could they never find out who were the ones responsible for that jail break?” Robin scowled. Spider-Man sighed. “Ya know after spending four days with you I'm starting to notice that you don't let things go very easily do you?”

“Hah, that's the understatement of the year.” Raven replied with her eyes glued on her book. Robin tightened his masked eyes. “We have to find out who did it.”

Cyborg grumbled with his mouth full of sweets. “Man they already told us Rob, they said it was two psychotic teenage wannabe police officers.”

Beast Boy spoke with an equal amount of sugar in his pie hole. “Yea and seriously that could be anyone.”

“Yea besides,” Spider-Man chuckled. “I think we cleaned up the mess pretty well.”

“Man, are you kidding?” Cyborg bellowed. “We've never had it this easy. Since you showed up this town has been pretty dang quiet ya know that?”

“Yea dude I haven't had this much free time since… well… ever!” Beast Boy grinned with glee as he gorged himself with another Crunch bar.

“Glad I could help.” Spider-Man nodded. “Now thank me with one of those candy bars before you both eat `em all.”

Cyborg held up a Twix and with a shot n' pull of that webbing the candy was in Spidey's hands. Starfire began to jump with joy as she watched another commercial end on the T.V. “This is most exciting! We are all going to be on the television!”

“Dudes! Why don't we do this more often?” Beast Boy growled. “Ya know what? We should even get our own T.V. show! Yea that's it!”

Spider-Man nodded. “Oh yea and I should get my own theatrical trilogy.”

Raven finally peeled her eyes off the book. “Sorry, but who in their right mind would want to watch a T.V. show let alone a movie about us?”

(Cue suave looks and winks to the reader.)

Spider-Man and Beast Boy glared at one another with a shrug.

Cyborg pointed as he began to pump up the volume on the T.V. set. “Ok shut up ya'll it's starting!”

(That overly epic music of the 6 o'clock News filled with violins and cheesy synth effects blasted through the speakers as its accompanying montage played. The scene faded to `the desk' where two handsome looking gentlemen nodded at the camera.)

Walter Strife: “Good Evening Jump City, I'm Walter Strife!”

John Beezwhacks: “And I'm John Beezwhacks!”

Walter: “And like always it is a pleasure for us to bring you the hottest news from this here side on the west coast!”

John: “Agreed Walter, say how was your weekend ol' buddy?”

Walter: “Awesome, I did a little fishing with my friends, we had a few laughs, drank a few-”

John: (cough) “Wow interesting. Let's move on.”

(Walter scowled.)

John: “Folks as you know we here at Jump City have been blessed with having one of the most successful super groups of all time.”

Walter: “Yes people, they are the pride and joy of our fair city. Of course I am speaking of our much beloved Teen Titans.”

John: “And as if we weren't already blessed enough, we at Jump City have been clearly given another jolt in our defenses.”

Walter: “That's right. It is a jolt in the form of a mysterious teen dressed in red and blue that battles evil to give them their `do'. He is the newest made Teen Titan, and forever he will keep on fightin'.”

John: “Wow Walter, you rhymed… twice even.”

Walter: “I know. Anyway people, who exactly is this mystery teen? What has brought him here? Why does he protect this city? How does he get into that costume anyway?”

John: “Well Walter, all these questions still irk us today but thanks to our tenacious staff we have gotten the exclusive on this newest masked crusader.”

Walter: “Yes folks! We got the low-down on our newest local super hero and April Summers has more on this story, of a heroic arachnid with a more or less interesting taste in outerwear.”

(The scene fades to an overly dramatic close up shot of Titans Tower as the sun was setting. The camera slowly pulled out and showed our favorite news reporter standing with mic in hand.)

April: “Just one week ago Ashrum Meta-Penitentiary suffered the largest jail break in its entire history. Of course something of that magnitude should have spelled disaster for our city. But little did we know that because of a certain new hero, the mess that was made was just as swiftly cleaned. A good-willed spider had officially made his home in Jump City.”

“`Good-willed'?” Raven groaned. “Something tells me these reporters love to lay it on real thick.”

Beast Boy scoffed. “Aw come on Raven, just look at that innocent looking face!”

Spider-Man tilted his head in a playful manner letting his pseudo eyes enlarge. Raven only scowled and turned to the T.V. again.

“I believe our friend is well deserving of these accolades!” Starfire grinned. “Am I correct Robin?”

Robin didn't answer as he stared at the T.V. seemingly in deep thought. “I still can't believe we haven't gotten those perpetrators that freed those prisoners.”

The rest of the Titans sighed as Robin stewed in his anger. Cyborg just rolled his one human eye towards Spider-Man.

“Sooo Spidey, remember the first baddie you took out as a full-time member of the team?”

“Oh yeah I do. That was pretty sweet…”

Cue Blurry Flashback Effects…

Jump City was the scene for a run down for the ages. It was Pay Per View stuff people! It was the Rancid cycle vs. the T-car. BOOYAH!

Cyborg grinned devilishly as he was giving relentless chase, fully concentrating on bringing his target to justice. Although judging by this target's prolonged evasion he was a slick one that was for sure. From the grease on his head and shirt to his skills on a bike, yes he was a slippery one. Decked in biker wear and controlling one of the fastest hogs in town, Johnny Rancid was going to be one tough catch but like always Cyborg was totally ready… or so he thought.

The T-Car bobbed and weaved between the flowing traffic, following the biker and not letting up one bit. “Haha come on Tinman. What's the matter? Your hunk of junk too slow?” Rancid yelled as he bunny hopped over another car, scrapping the top as he rode over it. The traffic caused Cyborg to spin out and abruptly stop his pursuit.

The half-droid scowled has he slammed his fist into his palm. “Damn!”

“Don't worry Cy, I got this.””

From behind the T-Car came Robin who zipped right after Rancid on the R-Cycle. The Boy Wonder scowled behind his visor as he was closing in on our villain. Robin used a nearby tow truck as a ramp and launched himself into the air and came barreling down beside Johnny Rancid.

“Alright Johnny end of the line!” Robin yelled as he reached for a bird-a-rang.

Johnny Rancid smiled. “For you bird boy.”

Suddenly Rancid slammed on the breaks and stopped. Robin was taken by surprise from this move and suddenly looked up to see that he was heading straight into a hot dog cart.

CRAAAAAASH!

Rancid began to laugh but was caught mid cackle as green bolts from above started to rain down upon him. He looked up and there was Starfire, soaring straight towards him with eyes glowing bright emerald. Not too far behind her was Beast Boy in pterodactyl form and it was their turn to give chase. Rancid turned his bike and started to accelerate. Starbolts continued to rain but Johnny managed to evade most of them. Beast Boy came in for a grasping swoop but again that was countered by some fancy riding tricks.

After a few more moments of bombardment Johnny Rancid finally found the cover he was looking for by riding through a tunnel. He blasted through and looked back as Starfire and Beast Boy were forced to hesitate and stop chase. He started to laugh as he was exploding towards the opening on the other side. “Stupid kids, they should know that they can never mess with-AAAAAAAAH!”

Suddenly Rancid was clipped off by some sort of grayish rope that de-biked him. The ruffian was sent spinning uncontrollably in the air from his momentum and screamed for his dear life. After that moment of pure terror Rancid finally opened his eyes expecting to be in great pain but somehow he wasn't. In shock he tried to move but apparently something was holding him down… or in this case up.

Rancid looked towards the ground and noticed he was being suspended by a lamppost upside down and wrapped in some sort of webbing. He turned his head upwards again and was met with a figure that sat perched on the lamp post.

“So,” His capturer laughed. “How's it hangin'?”

“Uuugh…” Rancid groaned as he accepted defeat. Spider-Man nodded in victory. A small crowd of people surrounded him and began to cheer. The Titans didn't take too long and joined singing their praises.

“Booyah baby!” Cyborg nodded. “Look at you, chillin' like a villain.”

“Nice work.” Robin agreed. Starfire smiled as well. “Your techniques are truly admirable!”

“Uh… thanks guys.” It truly was amazing. Spider-Man was actually appreciated here.

Spidey snickered as he looked over towards his new teammates. He glanced over at Beast Boy who was sticking out his tongue while struggling with something.

“Dude, how the heck do you do that thingy with your hand when you shoot your web?” Beast Boy asked as he struggled to form that signature hand shape we all know and love. His version looked more like the `I'm so Metal' type. Raven only groaned at her friend's idiocy.

“No compliments Raven?” Spidey asked.

Raven shrugged. “Should I have any?”

“Oh come on, even you have to say I totally rocked it.”

Raven simply sweat dropped.

Spider-Man smiled breaking out of his dreaming gaze. “Boy that was fun.” He paused, “But I am wondering something though…”

“What?” Cyborg asked.

“Did we ever let that Rancid guy down?”

Cyborg and Robin quickly enlarged their eyes as they suddenly realized they didn't. “Oh no,”

“Will you two pipe it? Some of us are trying to watch!” Beast Boy complained.

Cyborg, Robin, and Spider-Man looked at one another and ultimately dropped the issue.

April: “He has given the city's defenses a large boost and has taken not only this city but has taken this world by storm. Who is this mysterious teen? And what does the world think of this `Spider-Man'?”

(The scene switched to a park in the Chicago area with a large furry beast with horns and a teenager literally on fire on camera.)

April: “So what do you think of the Teen Titans newest member Spider-Man?”

Wildebeest: (crosses his arms) “Grrr.”

Hot Spot: (Shrugs) “Uh, what he said.”

(The scene dissolved to a mall in Dakota City where two costumed heroes pondered on the question as well.)

Gear: “Spider-Man? From what I've seen? Totally cool. Shooting those webs and sticking on walls. Awesome!”

Static: “Yea always cool to have new heroes pop up. By the way (Grabs the camera and shoves his face in it) What's up Robin and the gang! You still owe us a visit.”

Gear: “Yea and bring that Spider-guy along, he has one wic-”

(Static accidentally sent a jolt of electricity through the camera killing the feed.)

(Scene cuts to a park in Jump City where fans are gathering with Spider-Man masks adorned.)

Fans: “Spider-Man totally rules!”

Young Female: (Runs in front of camera with a large sign) “Here's my number! CALL ME! PLEASE!”

(Scene changes to Steel City where two heroes, one dressed similar to Robin and the other in deep blue, were scratching their heads.)

Speedy: “Uh what the heck is a `Spider Man'?”

Aqualad: “Beats me, got a lot of those bug people running around lately.”

Speedy: “Seriously, is there such a thing as originality anymore?”

Aqualad: (Gives Speedy a skewed look)

Speedy: “What?”

“So I guess you're Mr. Popularity now.” Cyborg mused.

“Of course man, my arachnid charms can sweep anyone off their feet.” Spidey bragged with a joking tone.

“Oh so the Spider has all the confidence in the world now huh?” Cyborg smirked.

“Didn't I always?”

“You weren't that confident a couple of days ago at the park signing autographs.”

“Oh right.” Spider-Man huffed. “Hehehe… heh… heh… heh.”

Cue Even Blurrier Flashback Effects…

The smell of BBQ filled the air as the Titans were having a kickback at the local park. They did the usual - throwing footballs, chowing down, and relaxing, just your normal teenage hanging out stuff, only with super human teenagers performing the acts of course. While it was a relatively peaceful time, a group of locals mustered up enough courageousness and surrounded the Titans as they gawked at these six heroes with admiration.

Handling the hoards of fans came with the territory of being super heroes. Robin handled this type of thing with the calmness and swagger all great leaders show. Starfire handled it with her as usual over the top kindliness. Beast Boy and Cyborg weren't too far off from Starfire, as they literally absorbed the glory like sponges do water. Raven of course handled it the way she does everything, with total semi-pseudo indifference.

While the five original Titans had different methods in dealing with the constant barrage of avid fans, the newest one didn't have that luxury. Spider-Man plainly didn't know how to handle it.

“Cool! You're the `New Guy' right?” A young child smiled. “Yea you're Spider-Man!”

Spidey nodded. “It seems that way.”

“Alright! You're my favorite Titan! I want to be just like you!” The child gave the cutest puppy eyes one could ever see.

Spider-Man gave the boy a stutter. “Wait… you,” he pointed. “Wanna be just… like,” He paused. “Me?”

The young boy nodded very quickly in agreement. The rest of the Titans gave slight laughs as they watched the `rookie' try to get used to receiving kudos. Spider-Man scratched his head.

“Um, thanks.” Spidey lowered himself into a kneeling position so that he was face to face with the youngster. “Just eat your veggies and drink your milk.”

“Then I can be just like you!”

“Yea, just like me.” Spider-Man nodded as he just pulled a `Captain America'-like speech.

“YEA!” The child grinned as he reached into his back pocket in excitement. “Can you please give me an autograph?”

“Uh… sure.” This was definitely uncharted territory. Spider-Man was handed a pen as the child was searching through his backpack for something. Our crimson hero looked over towards the Titans who were only nodding in approval.

“Here we go! Sign this!”

Spidey turned all smiles… that was, until he saw what he had to sign. His mask eyes bulged. “Whoa wait a sec! How'd you get this?”

“My sister took the picture.” He smiled. “She said you looked so `cute' in pink.”

Spider-Man groaned at the realization that pictures of him in Starfire's makeover attire existed. Cyborg and Beast Boy pointed and laughed as they watched Spidey deflate. The arachnoid then turned to Robin and Raven who only smirked lightly as they slowly rolled their eyes at Starfire. Our favorite alien began to laugh nervously.

“So not cool…”

“Hahaha! You should've seen your face.” Beast Boy chuckled. Spider-Man groaned at the memory but suddenly looked up. “Wait, how the heck could you have seen my face?”

All eyes were on Beast Boy.

He squirmed. “Um… whoa look that's us on T.V.!”

(The scene changed to a shot of Robin sitting in a chair while he stared at his interviewer off screen.)

April: “So tell us Robin, as the leader of the Titans how has it been working with this new team member?”

Robin: “Uh… it's been great actually. The guy knows his stuff. I mean we could talk about adhesive binding trackers all day. You see the first problem we came about discussing was…”

(Robin's voice was suddenly cut-off)

April: (Voice Over) “Shortening this answer basically Robin thinks Spider-Man is a great asset to the team.”

“They cut me off!” Robin growled. The rest of the Titans laughed.

“Whoa you really captivated her Boy Blunder.” Raven smirked.

“…”

“Take it easy boss, some people just can't understand the beauty of adhesive tracking systems.” Spider-Man replied.

Raven nodded. “'Some' people? Why don't you try `most' people?”

Robin sighed.

(It was now Beast Boy's turn.)

April: “So what do you think about your new partner?”

Beast Boy: “Totally awesome dudes. Not many people understand my complex thinking like he does.”

April: “Uh… complex thinking?”

BB: “Yea! We have really deep discussions.”

April: “Like…”

BB: “Um like how much water to put in a balloon to make the `perfect water balloon'! You know! That kinda stuff.”

April: “Right…”

(The scene cuts to Starfire, who was as usual smiling brilliantly.)

Starfire: “I believe Spider-Man is a wonderful friend and has the personality of a true bongorf! It is very fun to do the `hanging out' with him.”

April: “Starfire, um don't you say that about everyone?”

Starfire: (thinks) “I assume so… is that not good?”

April: “Yea...”

(Cyborg was now on screen staring at the camera with thumbs up.)

Cyborg: “Man, what can I say? The dude is a damn genius. Pure genius, I mean I even let him tune up my `baby' that guy is so smart. And let me tell ya the T-car has never run better. NEVER!”

Here Come Those Blurry Effects Again…

“Come on you can't be serious.” Beast Boy grumbled as he turned his head towards Spider-Man.

“How come I can't be serious?” The arachnoid replied while stirring something in a test tube. The mixture of red became a dark blue. “Cy, I think I got it.”

Beast Boy shook his head. “Look there's just no way Optimus Prime can beat Voltron in a fair fight.”

“Sure he can.” Spider-Man nodded as he continued to work on the solvent. Cyborg who was under the T-car's belly groaned. “That's a pointless argument fellas,”

Cyborg chuckled. “Because I am a better fighting machine than both of them put together.”

Beast Boy and Spider-Man sweat dropped as they watched Cyborg slide out from under his `baby' with that signature super-sized grin.

“Alright, now where's that stuff you said would give the T-car some kick?”

Spider-Man took the test tube and held it up. “This stuff will do the trick. Helps with the combustion process,” Spidey grinned as he stared at the deep blue solvent. “And thank you Doc Conners.”

Cyborg shot his hand out like a grappling hook and gently took the solvent. In a quick retract he examined it. “So I pour this into the fuel tank and it'll take care of itself?”

“Yea,” Spider-Man nodded. “In theory anyway,”

“In theory?” Cyborg gasped. “Man if anything happens to my car I'll-”

“Don't worry nothing will happen to your `baby'. Just give it a shot.”

Cyborg gave him a questioning glare but his curiosity over came him. So down went the solvent and now came time for the test of all tests. The T-Car was brought outdoors, right in front of the Cy's gigantic garage.

“I'm driving!” Beast Boy yelled as he made a dive for the wheel. Cyborg quickly shoved him across to the passenger's seat and scowled.

“No, you got shotgun.”

“Dude, I never get to do anything cool.” BB crossed his arms. Spider-Man only grinned as he hopped in the back seat. “Start it up chrome dome.”

The engine roared to life as Cyborg started the initiation sequence. BB and Spidey shook as the T-Car growled like a tiger. Cyborg nodded in approval. “Oh yeah now that's what I'm talkin' about!”

“Um, I think I wanna get out now.” Beast Boy muttered only to no avail. Spider-Man and Cyborg looked at one another and gave each other the thumbs up.

“Alright baby, we're going to put the pedal to the metal!”

“Wait hold up Cy, I don't thi-”

Cyborg didn't listen. The gas was driven to the max and the three were sent on the ride of their lives. After ten seconds of eyeballs being sucked into their skulls, mouths being forced wide open, and stomachs being left a couple of blocks back, Cyborg stopped the madness. The breaks brought the car to a long screech halt and spun 360 degrees. And then there was only silence.

“Whooooa.” Beast Boy gasped as his eyes were rolled to the back of his head. Spider-Man stuttered a similar comment as he turned to Cyborg who was a bit shocked as well. The three Titans looked at one another and sighed.

It was officially explosion time!

“BOOYAH!”

“OH MAN THAT WAS SO AWESOME!”

“DUDE LET'S DO IT AGAIN!”

“WOOHOO!”

After an exchange of mischievous grins it came to pass. T-car madness had officially begun.

“Man, that was crazy.” Cyborg smiled. Spider-Man nodded. “I knew that stuff would do the trick.”

“Shhh friends! Raven is speaking!” Starfire pouted.

“Oh dude I gotta hear this.” Beast Boy smirked. Raven only rolled her eyes in annoyance to much of her friend's distinct pleasure.

(The segment cuts to Raven who as always had that dead pan look on her face. She sat in a completely indifferent manner waiting for this drivel to be over with.)

April: “So how would you sum up your feelings of your new teammate?”

Raven: (looked to the ground as if she was thinking.) Um, I guess I could say, it's been `interesting'.”

(Raven sighed)

Raven: “But a little too interesting if you ask me.”

Can't Get Enough Of That Blur Apparently…

The Titans stood victorious over Atlas who was slouched over and drained of power. They apparently found something amusing as the majority of the team was laughing.

“No seriously guys!” Spider-Man pouted. “He does look like one of those robots from Mega Man right?”

“What is this Mega Man? Is he anything like the `Superman' with the pretty red cape?”

“No, Star. Mega Man is just… I dunno, Mega Man!” Beast Boy replied.

“Sure he did look like one, but did you see his face when you told him that?” Cyborg laughed. Robin nodded along. “Yea, any focus he had was gone. Nice tactic.”

Spider-Man raised a brow. “Tactic?” He slapped his head. “Oh right, tactic. Yea…”

Cyborg shook his head. “Too funny.”

The half-droid's eyes suddenly caught Raven who was as always the only one with the `cool' front. He groaned. “Oh come on Rae, even you gotta admit that was funny! COME ON! Mega Man!”

Raven sighed. “It wasn't that funny.”

Spider-Man walked over to Raven with his arms crossed. “Yea guys! Totally not funny!”

This only brought out more laughs as the Titans watched Raven's reaction. Spidey received a scowl that brought chills down his spine and he backed off. “Come on Raven is it too much to ask for you just to laugh?”

Beast Boy smirked. “Dude, you don't even know.”

Spidey chuckled as he glared at Raven. “Hmm, I bet if I tried I can make you laugh out loud.”

The Titans looked at one another in a snicker. Raven just gave that as usual annoyed look.

Beast Boy huffed. “Hah, there's no way, I've been trying forever. It's impossible.”

“Nothing's impossible.”

“Maybe, but this is as close as it gets.” BB said. Spider-Man nodded. “Alright then, let's make this a bet.”

Beast Boy's eyes lit up. “Let's hear it.”

“If I can make Raven laugh with one joke, you have to do the dishes on my turn this week. If I lose? Vice versa.”

“Dude one joke? Hah, you're so on.” They shook hands.

“Spidey, I think you're totally out of your league on this one.” Cyborg muttered.

“Oh I got this.” Spider-Man muttered as he scratched his chin, analyzing Raven's annoyed facial expression. “Hmmm,” he began to stroll around Raven striking a barrage of over exaggerated thinking positions. “I could go with a knock knock joke, but that won't be enough will it?”

Raven groaned. “Let's just say Beast Boy wins and go home. This is so-”

“Heh! I think I got it.” Spider-Man nodded. “I'll do an impression.”

“. . .”

Spider-Man quickly took a peak at his surroundings in attempt to find something. His pseudo eyes lit up as he apparently accomplished his goal. With a blast and retract of a web line that `something' was in his grasp. It was a trash can lid.

The Titans looked on with obliviousness.

Spidey cleared his throat. “See if you guys can't guess who this is.”

He quickly grabbed the tin can lid and put it over his head. He looked around and grinned as he suddenly exploded with one word that would bring the house down…

“BOOYAH!”

There was a pause as the Titans looked at one another with enlarged eyes. They all looked at Cyborg and then turned to Spider-Man, small cracks of smiles began to form. Tears then fell in relentless amounts, tears of only laughter of course.

“BWAHAHAHA!” Beast Boy grabbed his stomach. “Oh man, a Cyborg impression.”

Cyborg shook his head while laughing. “You're lucky that was pretty funny. Because if it wasn't? You'd be so knocked out right now!”

Robin slowed down his chuckles. “Stop please, my sides hurt.”

Starfire clapped in approval. “Friend Raven did you not think that was `a funny'?”

All eyes turned expecting to see Raven, but they were met with nothing. The Titans scratched their heads. “Gah, she didn't even stay for the joke!” Spider-Man groaned.

Beast Boy raised a brow. “Sorry but, I think I won dude.”

Spider-Man looked over towards Beast Boy and sighed. “Damnation.”

From across the city Raven reappeared in front of a small group of kids. It was silent as she knelt with her hood covering her face. The children stopped their game of baseball as an alien sound began to creep from within Raven's mouth. She began to chuckle attempting desperately to hold it all in. But in the end she failed miserably and the children were `freaked out' to say the least.

Apparently Spider-Man won the bet. But obviously, no one was ever going to know. That's Spidey for ya, luckiest man in the world.

Spider-Man scowled bringing himself back to the present. “Admit it Raven you thought that joke was funny!”

Eyes roll.

“Dude, get over it you lost. Raven doesn't do `funny'.” Beast Boy nodded. Raven nodded.

“So, not everything that goes through your head is dropped like a bad habit after all.”

Spider-Man chuckled as Beast Boy griped. “Hah, well that was `funny'.”

April: “So we've heard from heroes around the world, we've heard from his fans, we've heard from his very own teammates. But after all this we finally had the chance to speak with the `man' himself.”

(The segment was cut to Spidey who sat cross legged and totally relaxed in front of the camera.)

April: “So tell us Spider-Man, how is it being a new member of the Teen Titans and seemingly fitting in so well?”

Spider-Man: (chin scratch) “It's been fun. I mean hanging out with these cool cats is awesome. Two thumbs up!”

April: “So no complaints?”

Spider-Man: “Um, besides that little initiation thing with the rubber duck? Nope, not really.”

April: “Rubber duck?”

Spider-Man: “Yea, you see…”

April: “Never mind, I don't think we want to know.”

Spider-Man: “I agree.”

April: “So how did you come about being a super hero anyway?”

Spider-Man: “Well… I could just say I was bitten by a genetically enhanced spider but that would be boring wouldn't it? So I think I'm going to say that I am part of an alien race born from within the sun, and I've come to exterminate all those pesky ants in your world preventing the end of your species.”

April: “You can't be serious.”

Spider-Man: “Truthfully? I don't even know anymore.”

April: “Alrighty then… uh how was your child hood?”

Spider-Man: “Well as a wee lad my mother, a tarantula by the way, used to baby me like a total momma's boy. My father, a black widow, used to-”

April: (Scowl) “Are you going to take this interview seriously?”

Spider-Man: “Wait, I thought I was.”

April: (Sighs) “Ooookay, let's just go to final thoughts. Anything you would like to say to the viewers?”

Spider-Man: (turns to camera) “Uuuh, let's see. Always shower, don't get in cars with strangers, and take your vitamins and minerals. Oh yeah and when there's trouble you know who to call.”

April: “Teen Titans?”

Spider-Man: “Well I was thinking Ghost Busters but that'll do.”

(There was a loud groan.)

April: “I… I can't take this anymore.”

(April grabbed her face in annoyance and walked off the set. Spidey looked away and turned back to the camera in a shrug.)

Spider-Man: “Uuuuh… am I done?”

(Spidey whistled as it was uncomfortably silent. He began to bounce his head as if techno music was playing in the background. The show fades back to our two favorite anchormen with them being totally silent.)

John: “Uh… was it supposed to end like that?”

Walter: “I guess so… well anyway! We'll be right back after this commercial break.”

John: (Low volume) “Someone is so getting fired…”

( - H.I.V.E. Headquarters - )

The T.V. was on and cranked up all the way. Apparently everyone was watching this particular segment on Spider-Man and the Titans. Yes, even the bad guys. And the one who was closest to the monitor was surely a `bad guy' in the most extreme sense. A really really really `bad guy' folks.

“Have fun with your new friends while you can Petey old pal,” Venom grinned with his serrated fangs fully exposed. “Because your time is almost up!”

With that the black symbiote suddenly slammed his clawed hand into the T.V. monitor destroying it in a brilliant flash of light. Glass shattered and sparks sprayed, slowly dissipating as they hit the tiled floor. Venom stood with his pseudo eyes glaring upon the destructive results of his temper tantrum and it became completely silent. But as well all know, these never last very long.

“Venom, jeez you seriously have problems.” Carnage grumbled with a set of playing cards in front of him.

“Yea, and that was my tube you just wrecked!” Mammoth growled. “You better be ready to pay me back!”

Venom turned to his seated H.I.V.E. mates with that sick smile these symbiotes were so infamous for and let out a warped screech as his tongue lashed out. After that threatening display Mammoth just scratched his head while laughing nervously.

“Alright an `I.O.U.' will do just fine.” The large metahuman back pedaled.

Jinx smiled at Venom who returned the glare with a shrug. “Aw come on Venny poo, cheer up and join the fun.”

The black symbiote cringed at the name as his male `friends' began to point and laugh at him.

“Yea `Venny Poo', why don't you go take a seat next to Jinx?” Carnage sniggered as Gizmo and Mammoth replied with suggestive chuckling. Venom scowled just ignoring the `madness' and stood cross armed in deep thought.

Carnage, who was also wearing his as usual ugly grin, scoffed. “Okay enough of this crapola. GAME ON!”

Gizmo nodded. “Yea you pit sniffers, I'd actually like to get this game over with in this century.”

“Heh well if it isn't, at least you might have some hair by the time we're done.” Jinx giggled.

The H.I.V.E. members laughed at Gizmo who only muttered angrily under his breath. The newly formed evil super group, excluding Venom, sat at a round table that was just perfect for card games. And being the intelligent little teens they were, that was exactly what they were using this table for - one blisteringly exciting card game of `Go Fish'!

“Alright… I know you gotta have… a FIVE!” Mammoth screamed towards Carnage who held his cards tightly against his face. The red symbiote snickered. “GO FISH BITCH! HAH!”

“Dammit!” Mammoth grumbled as he pulled another card out. Jinx and Gizmo only groaned as Carnage was on the verge of winning yet again. Apparently they hadn't noticed the peaking red tendrils that this psychopath had been using to his advantage.

Venom only scoffed at the sight while he glared. He apparently was the most anxious to free himself from this little charade of hiding. With these three new allies that the symbiotes have reluctantly formed a bond with, they were more than prepared to defeat the Titans, including Spider-Man.

Yes people, a group of `Five Fearsome' teens have been formed, molded by Blood himself to take out Jump City's finest. And in the minds of these H.I.V.E. students, the era of the Teen Titans was coming closer to an end with each passing second.

Tick… tock… tick… tock… tick… tock… BOOM!

Suddenly a red dart slammed into the coo coo clock above and sighs of relief came from all about the room.

“Dude, nice freakin' call.” Mammoth replied.

“Yea, that thing was driving me insane.” Gizmo scowled.

Carnage nodded. “No problem, now let's finish this game! My mandatory hours of innocent death and destruction starts at 7:00…”

KhaosJester: Aww I personally loved `Chaos DAMN IT!' just has some ring to it hehe. Cool new handle though. Any particular reason you changed it? And hopefully the generic wishes have been addressed : ). You crazy guy. Crazy rules!

Bookwormloverjen: Yaaay you like. I appreciate the holler! Hope to hear from ya again. Happy writing andreading!