Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ Re: deads (or: wink wink nudge nudge) ( Chapter 26 )

Disclaimer Scene:

Queenie: Oh Dr. Shneek, isn't it a beautiful day?

Shneek: Indeed Queenie, it is!

Queenie: Wouldn't it be a beautiful day to own Zelda and related characters?

Shneek: Gasp!! Queenie!! Owning Zelda and related characters is wrong!! Even on such a beautiful day!

Queenie: *sigh* You are right. Thank you, Dr. Shneek. I will never try to own Zelda or any related characters again. No matter how beautiful the day might be . . . .

Shneek: So remember kids;

Queenie+Shneek: Don't own Zelda or any related characters!

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[Lon Lon Ranch, in the morning]

Narrator: While Ganondorf was still asleep, Link was having a pretty weird dream . . . .

Link: These toys . . . . *snore* . . . . are too much for you! *yawn* I command you . . . *snore* . . . to Italy give them to me! *grunt*

Ravi: -_^

Cucco: COCKADOODLEDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Link: [wakes up, skyrockets] AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Ganondorf: [wakes up] WHAT? WHERE?? WHO??

Ravi: -_-**

Ganondorf: I mean - morning!

Ravi: -_-**

Ganondorf: TEA TIME!!!

[a waitress appears and hands Ganondorf a cup of tea and the newspaper]

Ganondorf: Thank you, dear.

[the waitress bows and disappears]

Ravi: How did you do that???

Ganondorf: Uhm . . . black morning magic?

Ravi: o_^

Ganondorf: [reads the newspaper] OH MY GODDESSES!!!

Ravi: What happened???

Ganondorf: My horoscope . . . . it . . . . it . . . . says terrible things!!

Ravi: *facefault*

Ganondorf: What??? Why are you looking at me like that?? Read it!!

Ravi: *sigh* Your sign?

Ganondorf: 4.12 am - Evil Overlord (A.N.: Hylian Astrology ^^)

Ravi: [reads] Today you are probably going to die. It might as well get worse. You surely are doomed. It's a good day to water the flowers though . . . . . . gee, that's just stupid!! And absolutely - GANONDORF???

Ganondorf: [is watering the flowers] Huh?

Ravi: o___o******

Luigi: [appears] Good-a morning-a!!!

Ravi: The return of the freaks!!! AH!!

Link: Sweet clothes, Italy dude!

Luigi: Did-a you-a know-a that-a it's-a easy-a to-a let-a Queenie-a appear-a when-a you-a combine-a the-a Lost-a Link-a Song-a with-a Queenie's-a Quartet-a??

Ganondorf: What was that?

Luigi: Just-a do-a it-a like-a this-a!! [whistles a melody] By-a the-a way-a this-a is-a called-a the-a Song-a of-a Appearance-a!

Ravi: What did he say?

Ganondorf: What did he whistle?

Luigi: Perfect-a!! See-a you-a!! [disappears]

Ravi: Erm . . . .

Ganondorf: Erm . . .

Link: Erm . . . . Italy . . . .

Ravi: Try to whistle that melody!

Ganondorf: No! It might kill me!!!

Ravi: -_-*

Ganondorf: Just about everything might kill me!! AAAAHHH!!! [hides under the bed]

Ravi: A case for the psydoc I'd say . . . .

Dr.Frank: YOUR DOOM IS NEAR, STUPID HUMAN!!!

Ravi: O_O

Dr.Frank: Erm . . . . I mean . . . . good morning, dearest friends! How may I help you?

Ravi: [points at Ganondorf]

Dr.Frank: Ooooh, I know!! AHEM!! I am going to read my HOROSCOPE now! [pretends to read something] 9 pm, Crazy Shrink; You are going to destroy the world today. Unless a green-skinned fellow plays a song he's just heard from a strange green guy and stops you. Plus it's a good day to kill your neighbours.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: That's not really true, is it?

Dr.Frank: Yes, it is.

Ganondorf: Let me read it!

Dr.Frank: NO!! Er . . . . . . . I still need to brush my cucco! SoIgottagosorrybye!! [disappears]

. . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Ahem . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . .

Ravi: Ahem . . . . ahem . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . .

Link: Ahitalyem . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Eh, I guess I might as well play the song. [whistles the Song of Appearance]

Queenie: [doesn't notice that she appears, has apparently just taken a bath, is wrapped in a towel and sings a song whilst holding a hairdryer in her hand] SUCKER LOVE IS HEAVEN SENT, YOU PUCKER UP OUR PASSION'S SPENT. MY HEART'S A TA- AH!!!!

Ganondorf: AH!!!

Queenie: AAH!!!

Ganondorf: AAH!!!

Ganondorf+Queenie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Queenie: HOW DARE YOU TO DISTURB MY MORNING ROUTINE????

Ganondorf: HOW DARE YOU TO DISTURB MY EYES LIKE THAT????

Ravi: Breathe in . . . . and out . . . and in . . . . and . . . .

Queenie+Ganondorf: SHUT UP!!!!

Ganondorf: What do you want?

Queenie: What do YOU want??

Ganondorf: I didn't call you!!!

Queenie: And I certainly didn't show up on purpose!!!

Ravi: I think the song did that.

Queenie: Song? Which song?

Ganondorf: [whistles the song again]

Queenie: The Song of Appearance???? WHO TOUGHT YOU THAT???

Ganondorf: Erm . . . . a weird guy who was dressed in green . . . .

Queenie: Link??

Ganondorf: No, another weird guy who was dressed in green.

Ravi: He always talked-a like-a this-a.

Queenie: Luigi!!!

Ganondorf+Ravi: Who?

Link: Italy?

Queenie: LUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!

Luigi: [appears] What's-a up-a??

Queenie: Grrrrrrrrr!!!

Luigi: Uh-a oh-a!

Queenie: HOW-A DARE-A YOU-A TO-A TEACH-A THEM-A THAT-A AWFUL-A SONG-A WITHOUT-A ASKING-A ME-A FOR-A PERMISSION-A????

Luigi: Uuuuuuuhm-a . . . . .

Queenie: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAA!!!!! [beats him with her hairdryer]

- later -

Luigi: X__X

Queenie: Done! ^_^

Ganondorf: Erm, Queenie . . . . [points at her cause she's still wrapped in a towel]

Queenie: Whoops, right! [claps hands and is fully dressed] Tadaaaaa!!!

Link: Italy wow!

Ravi: Impressive.

Queenie: I know! ^^ Now let's go and save . . . . erm . . . . [takes out a notebook] . . . . THE DENTIST AT 4 PM!!!

All: o_O

Queenie: No . . . uh . . . wait . . . . *browse* . . . . MILK, EGGS, SUGAR AND FOOD FOR THE CAT!!!

All: -_-***

Queenie: Ahem, sorry . . . . . . what I wanted to say was . . . . let's save . . . . . *browse* . . . . . . 66-77889-02-3, CALL ME! LOVE, MELVIN!!

All: O_O*

Queenie: Erm, wrong again . . . . I'm sorry . . . . *browse* . . . . yeah, there it is. Link!! Let's save Link!!!

Link: WOOOHOOO!!!

Ganondorf: Queenie . . . . . [looks down at himself, is still in his pajamas]

Queenie: What?

Ganondorf: -_-*

Queenie: Oh. I see. [claps hands, a phone box appears] Tadaaaa again!

Ganondorf: -_^

Queenie: What are you waiting for??

Ganondorf: *shrugs* [walks in . . . . comes out fully dressed . . . . . as Superman???]

Queenie: Neeeeeeeeat!! ^^

Ganondorf: Wha . . .AH!!! [jumps back into the phone box, comes out dressed as a Musketeer]

Ravi: BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ganondorf: -__-*** [yadda, yadda . . . . in, out, dressed as Zelda]

Link: MY ITALY LOVE!!!

Ganondorf: Uh oh! [hides behind the phone box . . . . re-appears in his normal clothes except that he's wearing a black shirt that says Sexiest Male Gerudo Alive]

Ravi: [looks at him] Well, that's not difficult at all.

Johnny: HEY!!!!!

Ravi: Uh . . . that doesn't include plotholes.

Johnny: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! [runs away]

Ganondorf: AHEM!!

Queenie: Well sorry, that's the last outfit I had.

Ganondorf: Where are my regular clothes anyway??

Link: [is seen eating a shoe that looks suspiciously like the one Ganondorf's always wearing] Mmmmh, spicy!

All: O_______________O

Ganondorf: Talking about food . . . . I STILL HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING FOR 7 YEARS!!!!

Queenie: Uh . . . want a sandwich? [hands him a sandwich]

Ganondorf: Sure!!! [grabs it and takes a bite] Wait!! What's wrong with it???

Queenie: Wrong?? What should be wrong with it? Don't you trust your trusty author Queenie???

- silence -

Queenie: Besides that . . . . there's nothing wrong about a little bit of heroin . . . . .

Ganondorf: WHAT??? [spits out the sandwich, right into Queenies face]

Queenie: HOLY SHIT HOW DARE YOU TO SPIT AT ME YOU STUPID PILE OF UGLY GERUDO WASTE????

All: O___O

Queenie: Ahem . . . . ahem . . . I mean . . . . MY MASTER HAS SPIT ON ME!!! PRAISE THIS MOMENT!!!

Ganondorf: Her behavior is getting more and more confusing these days . . . . .

Ravi: Uh huh.

Queenie: Heh heh, well . . . . I'm off then. GALABAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! [disappears]

Ganondorf: Just disturbing . . . .

Lady Storm: [appears] HARR HARR!!! DIE STUPID PILE OF UGLY GERUDO WASTE!!!!

Ganondorf: -_-*

Lady Storm: Liberté! Egalité! Fraternité! ATTAQUÉ!!!!

Ganondorf : O_O

Lickmaflaminlamabitch: [appears] WAIT!!!

Lady Storm: Huh?

Lamabitch: You mustn't kill him!

Ganondorf: Whew.

Lamabitch: . . . alone.

Ganondorf: o_o

Lamabitch. I will assist you!!

Ganondorf: O_O

Lamabitch+Lady Storm: MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Ganondorf: Uh . . . . erm . . . . My name is Ganondorf!!

Lady Storm: -_^

Lamabitch: I know that your name is Ganondo . . . . uh oh. WHY DID I ALMOST SAY THAT!!!!! GYAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! [jumps out of the window]

Ganondorf: ^^

Lady Storm: AHEM!!

Ganondorf: Eep!

Lady Storm: Now . . . . where was I . . . . oh, right! DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Ganondorf: Erm . . . . erm . . . . . . Ravi!

Ravi: [is eating something that looks pretty much like Ganondorf's other shoe] Huh? What?

Ganondorf: O_O********

Puni-chan: [appears with an ice cream blaster in her hands] DON'T FEAR!!! THE I.C.B.U. IS HERE!!!! Well . . . . . a part of it at least . . . . .

Narrator: Once more our regular program will be rudely interrupted by a commercial!

- Commercial -

Puni+Queenie: I.C.B.U. FOR LIFE!!

All: What???

Puni: Don't know a thing about I.C.B.U.?

Queenie: Read Puni-Chan's stories, they're telling you!

Puni+Queenie: YAY!!

- End Commercial -

Narrator: yadda, yadda - REGULAR PROGRAM!

Ganondorf: Oh great.

Puni: HEY!!! I'm trying to save you!!! Be a bit more optimistic!!

Ganondorf: Yeah. Right. Yahoo.

Puni: -____-****

Lady Storm: I feel ignored!!!

Link: IIIIIIIII feeeeeeeeel saaaaaaaafe, IIIIIIIIIIIII feeeeeeeeel scaaaaaaaared, IIIIIIIIII feeeeeel ready and yet unprepared - the world is not enough, no nowhere near enough . . . . dun dun dun duuuuuuuun dun doo doo . . . .

All: o_Ô

Link: ITALY WHAT???

All: *blink* *blink*

Link: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! [jumps out of the window]

Ravi: *sigh*

Ganondorf: Hey, wanna come with me and kill random perverts in a cruel and merciless way?

Lady Storm: Yay!

Ganondorf: Then let's go! [jumps out of the window]

Lady Storm: YAHOOOOO!! [jumps after him]

Ravi: [bangs her head against the wall] Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Puni: Weeeeeeell . . . .

Ravi: SHUT UP!!!!!

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[only a few minutes later Ganondorf, Link, Puni, Lady Storm, Lord Laceration and Ravi are walking around somewhere near the HUMP-house. Well, Ravi is flying - of course. And Lord Laceration . . . . isn't moving at all since he still is a dagger. But on with it!]

Ganondorf: It's silent . . . . .

Link: Italy silent . . . . .

Ravi: Too silent . . . . .

Malon: LADIES AND LADS!!! OUR VICTIMS ARE BACK!!!

Puni: Not silent enough . . . .

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Narrator: Little did they know about . . . . . erm . . . . now I've lost the plot. Anyway, the perverts ran up to them. Surprisingly . . . . well, actually it wasn't that surprising because I already knew it . . . . on the other hand I read the script . . . . . so what I mean is . . . . ah, screw it!!

Ganondorf: QUEENIE!!!

Queenie: Uh, er . . . . I can explain!

Puni: HOW COULD YOU???

Malon: Puni! Nice to see you around here again!!

Queenie: Again???

Puni: Ahem . . . . I . . . .

Queenie: How could YOU????????

Ravi: Do they actually sicken you as much as they sicken me?

Ganondorf: [doesn't answer because he's throwing up somewhere besides the scene]

Ravi: Enough said . . . .

TheOminousWriterofDoom: Ladies, please! You shouldn't fight or be angry at each other. Let's go and have some ice cream! Girls!!

4 HUMP-girls: We love you!!

TheOminousWriterofDoom: I know, really. I still do! ^^ [disappears with the girls]

Puni+Queenie: I.C.B.U. UNITED! GALABAZOOOOOOOOOO!!! [they disappear]

Link: ITALIABAZOOOOOO!!!! [wants to disappear but instead runs into a tree and passes out]

Ravi: -_____-**********

Ganondorf: Can we please get this over?

Lady Storm: WOOOHOOO!! FINALLY!!! C'mon darling!!

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . .

Narrator: Little did they blah . . . . . Lord Laceration . . . . blood . . . . . Lady Storm . . . . kill kill kill . . . . . . stab . . . . dun dun . . . . yadda yadda . . . . and so on and so on . . . . . I NEED A VACATION!!! WAAAAAAA!!!! [runs away]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Malon: You . . . . you . . . . . you killed all my perverts!!! HOW COULD YOU???

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Malon: That's not funny!!!!

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Malon: WHAT?????

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Malon: NO, I'M NOT!!!!

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Malon: WHY YOU LITTLE-

Ravi: The song!

Ganondorf: Huh?

Ravi: The Song of Seals!!

Ganondorf: Uhm . . . .why?

Ravi: Because she's arguing with a dagger!!! Don't you think that this is a bit . . . INSANE???

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Sorry, I forgot my watch at home.

Ravi: What??

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Exactly!! How did you know??

Ravi: O_O*****

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: No, not at all. But seven years ago-

Ravi: STOP TALKING TO THE DAGGER AND PLAY THAT GODDAMN SONG!!!

Ganondorf: Okay, okay!! [whistles the Song of Seals]

Big white warp hole: [appears]

Malon: What the-

Big white warp hole: [sucks Malon, Lady Storm and Lord Laceration in]

Malon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady Storm: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Big white warp hole: [closes and disappears]

Ravi: Yayness!!

Ganondorf: Woohooo!!

Link: Italymooseapplechairandsoon!!!

Ganondorf: THREE!!! THREE AT ONCE!!

Ravi: Do daggers count as insane persons?

Lady Storm's Voice: (sounding far away) HE'S NOT A DAGGER!!!!!

Ganondorf: Erm . . . . .

Ravi: Aaaaaanyway.

Ganondorf: Only . . . . . . 9 people left!

Ravi: And your next target?

Ganondorf: The one whose power I desire!

Ravi: Barney?

Ganondorf: Exac- NO!!

Ravi: Uhm . . . . Pamela Anderson?

Ganondorf: NO!!

Ravi: Jay Leno?

Ganondorf: Gee . . . . did you ever see his chin???

Ravi: [looks at Ganondorf's nose] Uhm . . . . .

Ganondorf: ZELDA!!!! I'm talking about Zelda!!!

Ravi: Oh. Right.

Ganondorf: -_-*

Link: Can I Italy watch Barney now?

Ganondorf+Ravi: NO!!!!

Link: Aaaaaaawwwww!! That's gross national product mean!!

Ganondorf: Gross . . . . national . . . . . product???

Ravi: COULDN'T YOU THINK OF A SHORTER WORD FOR YOUR QUIRK????

Link: Uuuuuuuuhm . . . . . . . . no. ^_^

Ganondorf+Ravi: -___-******

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[Hyrule Market, later]

ReDead1: And then I was like "Hey Joey, how are ya?" and he was like "UGHNAAARRHHSSSSFFFFF!!!!" and I was like "WHAT??" and his sister was totally like "MWEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!" and . . . .

ReDead2: . . . omigosh! Did you see Tom's girlfriend yesterday? She was wearing that . . . . you know . . . and she was all like "WOOOHOOO!! KAZOOM!!!" and then I . . . .

ReDead3: SSSSSH!!!! People!!!

Ravi: I'm serious! You shouldn't-

ReDeads: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Ganondorf: Damn! I wish I had sometime participated in a dangerous and pointless survivor show to find out how to deal with ReDeads!!

Ravi: Bad luck you never did.

Knowing Readers: MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

All: o_O

ReDead1: Jeez, I think I just totally lost the plot!

ReDead2: We were all like "Rargh", you know . . . .

ReDead1: Ooooooh, okay.

ReDead3: On three! One, two and-

ReDeads: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Ganondorf: To run or not to run. That is the question I-

Ravi: MOVE!!!!!

Ganondorf: *shrug*

Ganondorf,Ravi+Link: AAAAAYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! [they run away]

Narrator: *twitch* I'm fine! *twitch* MWAAHAHHAHA! Ahem . . . . *cough* After a short sprint our heroes got rid of the ReDeads and arrived at the Castle of Hyrule just to see . . . .

All: GASP!!!!!!!!

Ganondorf: It wasn't me, I swear!!!

SFX: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN DUN!!!!!!!

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Chapter 26 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Astrology Now and

Queenie û