Fan Fiction ❯ The Troublesome Quest For Sanity ❯ fun with the family ( Chapter 30 )

Disclaimer: Once upon a time I didn't own Zelda or any related characters. And well, it's still true.

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[Ganondorf's castle, a little bit later]

Ganondorf: [reading his mail] Bill, bill, bill, bill, bill, bill, warning, warning, bill, bill, Christmas card, bill, Christmas bill, warning, a letter from my pen pal, more bills . . .

Queenie: You've got a pen pall??

Ganondorf: Uh huh. His name is Skull Kid. Terrible lack of evilness but otherwise he's quite okay. And he always sends me stamps for my collection.

Queenie: Stamps . . . . for . . . . . your . . . . . collection?

Ravi: You mean . . . . . for your . . . . . STAMP collection?

Ganondorf: Uh, yeah. Why?

All: BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! GANONDORF'S A PHILATELIST!! GANONDORF'S A PHILATELIST!!! NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAAAAAH NYAH!! [they point and laugh]

Ganondorf: -_-*

Queenie: *grin* Sorry. It's just that-

Ravi: STAMPS!!! MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!!!!!

Queenie: ^_^*

Ganondorf: Yeah. Right. At least I don't use my lawn mower to-

Queenie: JESUS CHRIST CUT IT!!!

Ganondorf: As I wanted to say, at least I don't use my lawn mower to-

Queenie: SHUT THE HELL UP OR I'LL CUT OFF YOUR-

Ganondorf: Okay, okay!!! I'm sorry. Let's . . . . just not talk a word about stamps or lawn mowers for the rest of our lives.

Queenie: Now that's a good idea.

Ganondorf: Yeah.

Queenie: Yeah.

- silence -

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Actually I was wondering about that too.

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Now that you mention it. Yes, it's strange.

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Indeed, I should go there.

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Absolutely. Thanks a lot!

Ravi: Erm . . . . 1.) O_O and 2.) WHAT THE HELL??????

Ganondorf: The pitchf . . . .er, my sister just reminded me, that there are supposed to be more Gerudos in this area! So I guess I should go and look for them and-

Queenie: They're at the Desert Colossus.

Ganondorf: The Desert Colossus??? Why should half of my tribe be at the Desert Colossus??

Nabooru: [appears] PARTY!!!

Talon: Gasp!! Nabooru!!!

Ganondorf: That was MY line!!

Link: See how coffin this feels!!! *sob*

Ganondorf: Erm, right. Nabooru!!!

Nabooru: I'm surprised to see that you were able to remember my name, dumbass!

Ganondorf: Charming as ever.

Nabooru: Ugly as before.

Ganondorf: Grrrrrrrr!

Nabooru: Grrrrrrrrr!

Link: MOMMY!! A COFFING FIGHT!!! GNAYH!! [jumps out of the window]

Talon: Doikeeeee!!! [jumps after him]

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: What are you doing here?

Nabooru: What are YOU doing here?

Ganondorf: This is my castle!!! I am allowed to come and go as I wish!!

Nabooru: But I don't intend to go yet! Which means that I know everything about this stupid Sacred Waiting Room!! And I know that you came to lock me in there!! And I know that I prefer to be free and party all day long!! SO I WON'T LET THIS HAPPEN!!! [jumps at Ganondorf, grabs his whistle and jumps away]

Ganondorf: STOP HER!!! ACK!!! SHE TOOK THE WHISLTE OF INSANITY!!! [DEEDLE DEEDLE DUNNN!!!!]

Queenie: Thief!!! Thief!!! Thief!!!

Ravi: G-e-r-u-d-o V-a-l-l-e-y

Queenie: Oh. Hehe, right.

Ganondorf: Damn. She took my whistle!! What am I supposed to do now?

Queenie: Follow her, duh!!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Good idea! [jumps out of the window]

Ravi: Wait!! Don't leave me here with the insane author and the pitchfork!! [flies after him]

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Queenie: Nah, where's the fun in telling him that I've got an emergency whistle in my pocket?

Pitchfork: ^^

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[in the desert]

Ganondorf: HALT!! STOP!! COME BACK!!

Nabooru: Never! No way! Mwehehehehehehehehehehe!! [takes a carpet out of her pocket and flies away]

Ganondorf: O__O

Ravi: What . . . was . . . THAT????

Talon: DOIKEE!

Ganondorf+Ravi: AH!!

Talon: It's-a me, Mario!!

Mario: [appears] Okay-a, if-a you-a want-a to-a immitate-a people-a, that's-a okay-a. BUT-A STICK-A TO-A YOUR-A OWN-A GAME-A!!! [disappears]

Link: Sacry coffin man scares Link!

Ganondorf: Awesome. Nabooru's gone and I'm surrounded by a couple of idiots.

Queenie: [appears, she's flying on the pitchfork] Howdy!!

Ganondorf: Talking about idiots . . . .

Queenie: Get on ma fork, babe!

Ganondorf: o_o*

Queenie: Yar' freaki' out cowboy, eh? Alrite, take this!

[she whistles once and suddenly Ganondorf's sitting on flying lawn mower]

Ganondorf: O_O

Queenie: Waddaya waitin for, babe? Get after dat bitch! YEEEEEHAW!!! [she flies away]

Ganondorf: That's just plain scary.

Ravi: Sooner or later you learn to go with the flow. YEEEEEEEHAW! [flies after Queenie]

Ganondorf: *shrug* YEEEEEEEEEHAW!!! [flies after them]

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Link: Daddy? Daddy?? DAAAAAAAAAAAADDY!!!!!

Talon: (singing) Tiiiiiiime toooooooo saaaaayyyy gooooood byeeeeee . . . . .

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[somewhere else in the desert, later]

Narrator: And as Nabooru, Queenie, Ravi and Ganondorf were flying by on their carpets, pitchforks, wings and lawn mowers, the sound effects went

Sound Effects: WOOSH!!! WOOSH!!! WOOSH!!! WOOSH!!

Narrator: . . . . and left confused travellers in confusion.

Lickmaflaminlamabitch: OH MY GOD! THAT WAS GANONDORF ON A FLYING LAWN MOWER!!

Epona: This guy's certainly ruining the wee bit of sanity you had left.

Lickmaflaminlamabitch: It was him! I swear!!!

Epona: Yeah, right. And I'm a talking horse.

Lickmaflaminlamabitch: You ARE a talking horse.

Epona: D'oh!

Lickmaflaminlamabitch: -_-*

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[Desert Colossus, outside, later . . er]

Nabooru: [jumps off her carpet and runs inside] THE WHISTLE WILL BE MINE!! PARTY ALL DAY LONG!!

Ganondorf: [jumps off his lawn mower] STOP RIGHT THERE AND GIVE IT BACK OR I WILL PUNISH YOU WITH THE POWER OF ULTIMATE EVIL!!! [runs after her]

Queenie: [jumps off the pitchfork] I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO SHOUT SO I'LL JUST FOLLOW THEM!!! [runs after them]

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . .

Queenie: [comes back] C'mon, lassie! [grabs the pitchfork and runs back in]

Ravi: Morons. [stays outside and reads the newspaper]

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[meanwhile, somewhere in the desert]

Link: Hello? Where did you coffin go? HELLOOOHOOO????!!!

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[same time, Desert Colossus - inside]

Queenie: Where did she go??

Ganondorf: I think she ran upstairs.

Queenie: So what are you waiting for???

Evoice: Maybe he's waiting for his guts to show up!!

Queenie: o_O

Ganondorf: YOU??? AGAIN??? TWICE IN ONE CHAPTER???

Evoice: So true and so wrong at the same time!

Queenie: Come again.

Evoice: The reason why chapter 29 was so short is, that you decided to separate from what you are writing right now. Which means, that it's me again, BUT this is already chapter 30!!

Queenie: I still don't get it, but at least it's

All: CHAPTER THIRTY!!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~

Narrator: We interrupt our regular quest for a random musical number!

[music starts to play, the suddenly appearing choir appears]

Queenie: (talking fast) Yo, yo everybody! This is the pointless, completely random and utterly unimportant ode to chapter thirtyyyyyyy!!

SAC: Chapter thirtyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Queenie: Chap, chap, listen up!

Ganondorf: (singing) It started with a phone call,

SAC: (high-pitched) An ordinary phone call!

Ganondorf: (singing) I didn't want it at all.

SAC: (high-pitched) He didn't want it at all!

Ganondorf: (singing) But then my life was messed,

SAC: (high-pitched) Messed! Messed! Messed!

Ganondorf: (singing) I went on to a quest.

SAC: (high-pitched) Pointless, stupid quest!

Queenie: Now guys, sing it with me!

-

All: (singing) This is the chapter with the number thirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) Not twenty-nine, not thirty-one, but thirty!

All: (singing) We're having fun, we're making jokes - so dirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) Not twenty-nine, not thirty-one, but thirty!

All: (singing) But thirty! But thirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) But chapter, chapter thirtyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

-

Ravi: (singing) It started with a party,

SAC: (high-pitched) An ordinary party!

Ravi: (singing) I wasn't such a smarty.

SAC: (high-pitched) Of course you're not a smarty!

Ravi: (singing) And then I got involved,

SAC: Dun da dun da dun!

Ravi: (singing) It's far from being solved.

SAC: (high-pitched) Curse those drugs!

Queenie: And the whole thing once again!

-

All: (singing) This is the chapter with the number thirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) Not twenty-nine, not thirty-one, but thirty!

All: (singing) We're having fun, we're making jokes - so dirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) Not twenty-nine, not thirty-one, but thirty!

All: (singing) But thirty! But thirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) But chapter, chapter thirtyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

-

Link: (singing) It started with a theft,

SAC: (high-pitched) An ordinary theft!

Link: (singing) But I stopped being deft.

SAC: (high-pitched) But he stopped being deft!

Link: (singing) My pride will surely yelp,

SAC: (high-pitched) Yelp! Ouch! Ack!

Link: (singing) Ganon came to my help.

SAC: (high-pitched) A hero who needs help?

Queenie: Now one last time!

-

All: (singing) This is the chapter with the number thirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) Not twenty-nine, not thirty-one, but thirty!

All: (singing) We're having fun, we're making jokes - so dirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) Not twenty-nine, not thirty-one, but thirty!

-

All: And when this quest is over, and we are back at home, then there will be just one thing, that stays there all along . . . . .

SAC: All alooooooooooooooooooooooooong!!

-

All: (singing) It is the chapter with the number thirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) Not one before not one ahead, but thirty!

All: (singing) We made our jokes, we must admit - it's dirty!

SAC: (high-pitched) We tell you once, just once again - it's thirty!!

All: (singing) Thirtyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

SAC: (high-pitched) Thirtyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

All+SAC: (singing) It's chapter, chapter THIRTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

-

Queenie: Or was it 30,5 already?

[music stops]

Narrator: Thanks for your attention, we will now continue our regular quest.

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Evoice: That was random.

Queenie: Of course it was random. That's why they call it a "random musical number".

Evoice: No, really?

Queenie: Yes, but-

Evoice: SARCASM!

Queenie: Oh.

Evoice: Anyway, if I remember correctly then I was just trying to tell you more about my latest evil deed!

Ganondorf: Go ahead, missy.

Evoice: YOU DARE TO MISSY ME??? I'M GOING TO-

Queenie: Guys, please. Get the plotline moving!!

Evoice: Ahem . . . . I wanted to kill you anyway, so . . . . . WHAT I WAS TRYING TO SAY; Your mother is on my side now!!

Ganondorf: GASP!!! NO!!! NOT MOMMY!!!

Evoice: The same. And she's going to kill you, no matter what you do. AND THERE'S NO ESCAPE THIS TIME!! MWEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!! [disappears]

Ganondorf: That's not true!! It can't be true!! Never!! No way!! I don't believe it!!

Voice: But you should!!

Queenie: Who's th-

Ganondorf: Mommy?

Twinrova: Exactly!

Narrator: Twinrova's appearance caused a big gasp . . . . .

All: GASP!!!

Narrator: . . . . . just like this.

Twinrova: Ganny-boy!

Ganondorf: Mommy! I knew that you weren't-

Twinrova: Stupid, spoiled brat!!

Ganondorf: O.O

Twinrova: Oh how did I curse the day of your birth! Oh how did I want you to become a lawyer! Or a doctor! Or a deranged windmill guy! Just anything but an evil king of evil!! But noooooooooooo, you had to be like your father!!!

Ganondorf: Mom, I . . . .

Twinrova: I should have killed you even before you were born!!! Well, at least the Voice gave me a chance to make that up now . . . . [forms an energy ball]

Ganondorf: . . . . . . .

Queenie: Erm, hello? You know, I'm not exactly a pro at this, but . . . . you could like . . . . TRY TO ESCAPE????

Ganondorf: My . . . . . mommy . . . . . doesn't . . . . love me . . . . anymore . . . . .

Queenie: Jeez, she's not even your real mother. And besides that . . . . what's the deal about it?

Ganondorf: My . . . . . mommy . . . . wants to . . . . . kill me . . . . .

Queenie: And that's the point. You gotta E-S-C-A-P-E!!!

Ganondorf: Mommy . . . . . . *sob*

Queenie: Awesome. An evil king with an Oedipus complex. HECK JUST KILL HER!!!

Ganondorf: Kill . . . . . my . . . . . mommy?

Queenie: Oh *come on*!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[long time before Queenie was a Ganondorf-obsessed author, in her kitchen]

Queenie: [reading a magazine] Pierce . . . . . *drool*

Queenie's Mom: [walks into the kitchen] Queenie!!! Aren't you supposed to do your homework???

Queenie: Uhm . . . . I . . . .

Queenie's Mom: And what's THIS?? [grabs the magazine]

Queenie: Mom!!! That's . . . .

Queenie's Mom: [looking at the magazine] Jeez, that Bronson guy again . . . .

Queenie: Brosnan!!

Queenie's Mom: Yeah, whatever. You know . . . . when I was young I used to like Sean Connery a lot. I mean . . . he's a better actor than this Briznan guy . . . .

Queenie: Brosnan!!

Queenie's Mom: Yeah, whatever. And he's also more beautiful. I mean . . . look at that Brooman guy . . . . ugly like a piece of . . . . . swear words are evil but he's still disgusting. Anyway, what . . . . Queenie? Queenie what are you doing with the knife? Queenie put that down!! Queenie, I told you not to . . . not to . . . . Queenie!! No!!! NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Queenie: And she didn't even die. Curse those surgeons!

Ganondorf: Slowly but surely you're starting to frighten me. And I mean REALLY frighten me.

Twinrova: I don't want to interrupt your conversation, but - DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! [throws the energy ball at Ganondorf]

Lickmaflaminlamabitch: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [jumps in front of Ganondorf]

All: O_O

Narrator: And so the energy ball hit her instead of Ganondorf.

Lamabitch: ACK! I'm hit!!

Narrator: Well, that's what I just said.

Lamabitch: [irony] Why I'm sorry oh almighty narrator! [/irony]

Narrator: Bitch!

Lamabitch: `Xactly!

Narrator: Bah . . . . [disappears]

Lamabitch: Where was I? Oh, right . . . . I'M HIT!! I'm dying . . . . ack! . . . . ouch! . . . . duh!

All: Gasp!!

Ganondorf: But . . . but . . . why??

Lamabitch: Because . . . . *gasp* . . . . . I . . . . *breathe* . . . . . love you! [dies]

Narrator: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

All: o_O

Narrator: Well, SOMEONE had to say it . . . . [disappears]

Ganondorf: Erm . . . . 1.) you never loved me, 2.) you're immortal, 3.) WHAT THE HELL???

Lamabitch: [alive] Okay, okay. I hate you. Still. But I . . . uhm . . . . can't let you die because then I'll never be able to kill you!

Queenie: Makes sense . . . . in a pretty senseless way.

Ganondorf: o_o*

Lamabitch: Fine. And now I'm off. GALABAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! [disappears]

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: Some people would do just anything to get attention . . . .

Britney Spears: [runs past them . . . . . naked . . . . . . with an octopus on her head] SHAMAI! SHAMEE!! SHAMEEDLE!!!!

All: O___O**************

Ganondorf: Did you know that you're actually pretty normal?

Queenie: Erm . . . thanks.

Twinrova: Ganny-boy!! You look like someone has just tried to kill you with an energy ball!!!

Ganondorf: Huh?

Queenie: Eh?

Evoice: I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!! SHE'S ON YOUR SIDE AGAIN!!! JUST BECAUSE BRITNEY SPEARS RAN PAST HER NAKED WITH AN OCTOPUS ON HER HEAD . . . . HOW DID YOU KNOW????

Ganondorf: Erm . . . guessing?

Evoice: CURSE YOU!!!! CURSE YOU!!!!! CUUUUUUUUUUURSE YOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!! [disappears]

Queenie: Wooohooo!! Randomness will reign once again!!

Twinrova: Ganny-boy, who's that weird girl?

Queenie: I'm not-

Ganondorf: She's just an insane author.

Queenie: I'm not-

Twinrova: Ganny-boy, I told you not to hang around with people like her. They are a bad influence for you!

Queenie: I'm not-

Ganondorf: Don't worry, mommy. She's not evil or anything. Maybe slightly deranged, but-

Queenie: I'm not-

Twinrova: Don't interrupt my son when he's talking!! That's rude and impolite!!

Queenie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGS!!!!!!!! *twitch*

Ganondorf: I'm sorry, mom. But you know . . . . artists . . . . they tend to be too sensitive sometimes . . . .

Queenie: [lies on the ground twitching]

Twinrova: I see . . . .

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . . . . .

Twinrova: Who's that??

Ganondorf: That's my sis- I mean, a pitchfork.

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ganondorf: I'm sorry, I completely forgot about you!!

Twinrova: Oh dear God, my son's talking to a pitchfork!

Ravi: [flies in] GANONDORF!!!

Twinrova: More weirdos??

Ganondorf: That's . . . . erm . . . . my fairy.

Twinrova: YOUR WHAT???

Ganondorf: I . . . uhm . . . . .

Twinrova: Oh my, oh my! My son . . . . my own flesh and blood . . . . Only gay and wimpy heroes have fairies!!!

Ganondorf: Well . . . .

Twinrova: And what's next??? You're really gay and you're married to a fat and insane farmer??

Talon: [runs in] Honey! Darling! My love!!

Twinrova: O_O* [faints]

Ganondorf: MOM!!!

Talon: I ran all the way just to kiss you once again!! [runs up to Ganondorf and hugs the pitchfork]

Ganondorf: See . . . . . *twitch* . . . . . he was talking . . . . . *twitch* . . . . . to the pitchfork!

Ravi: Hehe . . . that's funny. Anyway, I came to tell you that I just remembered . . . . Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: [lies on the ground twitching]

Ravi: [looks at Ganondorf and Queenie] What a NICE couple they are.

Ganondorf: *twitch* . . . . fork . . . . *twitch* . . . .

Queenie: *twitch* . . . . . interrupt . . . . . . . *twitch* . . . . .

Ravi: SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY!!!

Ganondorf+Queenie: AH!! WHAT???

Ravi: -_-**

Ganondorf: What is it, noodle?

Ravi: I just remembered, that there are already nine people in the Sacred Waiting Room.

Ganondorf: Nine? Why nine?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[meanwhile in the Sacred Waiting Room]

Ruto: [running] HELP ME!!! PLEASE!!! HELP ME!!!

Saria: [running after her] MWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!! Fishy must burn!!

Darunia: SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO BE DEPRESSED!!!

Malon: You're looking really sexy when you're dressed in black!

Dark Link: o_O

Rauru: Hungry . . . . . want food!!

Impa: Males . . . they only want, want, want and want!! But they never want to give!!

Rauru: Food?

Impa: GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Rauru: Eep!

Lord Laceration: . . . . . . . .

Lady Storm : That's right. WE MUST KILL THEM ALL!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[back at the Desert Colossus]

Ganondorf: Lady Storm and Lord Laceration - of course!! Plus Link makes ten. Means that there are only three lunatics left!!

Queenie: Uhm, Ganondorf? [points at Twinrova who's unconscious] And . . . . [points at Talon who's hugging the pitchfork]

Ganondorf: Talon, okay. But I can't seal away my mommy!!

Queenie: Come on, you'll see her again. It won't be long! Just a therapy to be sure that she . . . uhm . . . . stays sane.

Ganondorf: But she never was insane!!

Queenie: She has a split personality disorder!

Ganondorf: That's not a split personality! That's transformation!!

Queenie: Really?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[Link's battle with Twinrova]

Twinrova: HAHA!! WE SHALL DEFEAT YOU FOR WE ARE KOUME AND KOTAKE!! TAKE THIS!! NO, THIS!! SHUT UP, I'LL KILL HIM!! YOU CAN'T, STUPID FOOL! I WILL KILL HIM!!! NO, I WANT TO!! I WANT TO!! I WANT TO!!

Link: Erm . . . . . maybe you should . . . . split first?

Twinrova: [still only one person] SEE!!! He's already laughing at us! No, he's laughing at you!! At you!! At YOU!!! Shut up!! No, you shut up!!

Link: o_o***

~*~*~*~*~*~*~ END FLASHBACK ~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ganondorf: Okay, okay. I admit, she has issues sometimes.

Queenie: AHEM!!

Ganondorf: Good. Okay. FINE!! She's insane!! HAPPY NOW??

Queenie: Yup. ^_^

Ganondorf: -_-*

Queenie: And now whistle our favorite song!!

Ganondorf: Helloho?? Nabooru . . . . whistle . . . . gone . . . . . remember??

Queenie: Aren't you able to whistle without a whistle?

Ganondorf: Of course, but I need a holy instrument or otherwise the song is ineffective.

Queenie: [pulls something out of her pocket] Surprise! Surprise!!

Ganondorf: What's that??

Queenie: The Lipstick of Insanity [DEEDLE DEEDLE DUNNN!!!]! Wear it, and your lips will be a holy instrument!!

Ganondorf: Lipstick?? Again?? NO WAY!!

- 5 minutes later -

Queenie: You're looking gorgeous!!

Ganondorf: I hate you.

Queenie: ^_^

Ravi: Now whistle!! I wanna get outta here!!

Ganondorf: -_-. [whistles the Song of Seals]

Big White Warp Hole: [appears] Uuuuh nice lipstick, lover boy!

Ganondorf: --____--**********

Big White Warp Hole: [sucks Twinrova, Talon and the pitchfork in]

Twinrova: X_X

Talon: DOIKEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Pitchfork: . . . . . . . . .

Big White Warp Hole: [disappears]

Queenie: NOOOOO!!!! NOT THE PITCHFORK!!! SHE WAS MY FRIEND!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA!!!!!! [runs away crying]

All: -_-***

Ravi: Ganondorf?

Ganondorf: Huh?

Ravi: OUR QUEST IS COMPLETED!!

Ganondorf: Wha-

Ravi: TWO LUNATICS PLUS THE PITCHFORK!! PLUS LINK MAKES 13!!!

Ganondorf: I wish you were right, but the pitchfork is sane.

Ravi: O_O

Ganondorf: She's actually quite intelligent . . . .

Ravi: O_O*

Ganondorf: And rather witty for . . . . . a pitchfork.

Ravi: O_O***

Ganondorf: Anyway, it was just an accident that I locked her. It doesn't count. Unfortunately.

Ravi: So there's still one more lunatic left . . . . . .

Narrator: There was a thrilling silence before Ganondorf and Ravi eventually managed to say;

Ganondorf+Ravi: Nabooru.

Nabooru: Did I hear anybody call my name?

- THUNDER! LIGHTNING! SCREAM! -

Ganondorf+Ravi: Nabooru!!

Nabooru: I think we got it by now.

Narrator: Let me interrupt this moment to show you one of my beautiful commercial breaks!

- * - * - * - * -

[we see the narrator jumping around in a meadow, doing several back flips]

Narrator: Be young!

[he tears of his clothes and runs around naked]

Narrator: Be free!

[he picks up an octopus that was lying on the ground and puts it onto his head whilst shouting "Shamai, Shamee, Shameedle!"]

Narrator: Be insane!

[picture fades out]

Narrator: Insanity Number 6 - the new fragrance.

- * - * - * - * -

Narrator: Wasn't that an enrichment? Anyway, on with the quest!

Nabooru: STUPID MORTALS!! YOU CAN'T DEFEAT ME! I WILL NEVER STOP TO PARTY!!! PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG!!! WOOOOHOOOO!

- BANG!!! -

Nabooru: I see the disco lights . . . . [passes out]

Link: [stands behind Nabooru, holding a frying pan] Evil woman wanted to take away coffin beautiful whistle!

Ravi: Link! You . . . you . . . did something useful!!

All: Gasp!!!

Link: ^_^

Narrator: And once again the day was saved by . . . .

Link: Yay! Yahoo!! Yipadee!! Dundeee!! Yayness!! Woohoo!!

Narrator: . . . erm . . . . . somebody.

Link: -____-,

Ganondorf: Whew, I don't believe that I went through so much trouble for a simple whistle.

Queenie: [appears] Even though I had another one in my pocket.

Ganondorf: You had WHAT????

Queenie: Funny, isn't it?

Ganondorf: [twitches]

Queenie: It's not?

Ganondorf: [foams]

Queenie: Er, anyway, I should be off then. So . . . uhm . . . see y-

Ganondorf: DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Queenie: EEP!! [runs away]

Ganondorf: [runs after her]

Ravi: *sigh* Morons. [goes back to reading her newspaper]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Chapter 30 of The Troublesome Quest For Sanity was brought to you by

Fran's Fancy Flying Carpets and

Queenie û