Fan Fiction ❯ Trancending Death ❯ Second Thoughts ( Chapter 45 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Soulless Wanderer 
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Fantasy / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.20.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 125 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Adventure / Fantasy / Angst | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.20.2006 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.7K | Visits: 125 | Status: Completed
Alex stood on top of a hill on the outskirts of town. He could see a few scattered villages spread out in front of him. He leaned against a tree and turned his attention up to the stars. His mind knew what he had to do, his body was eagerly awaiting what he had to do, all that was stopping him was an aching desire in his heart that told him not to.
Alex sighed as he gazed up at the stars. He silently wished he knew where Brittany was. He knew that if he could see her for only a second, she would be able to ease this pain that his heart felt. Try as he might, he wasn’t able to overcome the indescribable heartache that seemed to scream at him to stop what he was about to do. He tried to turn a deaf ear to the cries of his heart. Cries, that he believed, were just a sign of his own weakness to do what needed to be done.
Why do I feel this pain? How could I go from feeling nothing, to having my heart feel as if it is being torn in two? There is that possibility...no...I must not think like that. Baou and Rire were just trying to stop me, that’s all there was to it. The darkness that they said was consuming was all just a ploy to stop me, it had to be. I can’t start second guessing my actions. I can’t, otherwise I’ll lose the chance of ever getting Brittany back. I can’t think about the consequences, I just need to plow through and do what I must!
Alex slid to the ground, resting his back and his head against the tree. He looked up at the sky and shook his head. “But, what if....”
Alex then looked back toward the city which was laid out before him. He could hear the villagers, even from where he was. Their happy laughter and chattering as they sat inside their homes eating, only brought sadness to his heart. The more he thought about it, the more he subconsciously doubting do this.
He could feel a slight breeze move all around him. He instinctively reached to remove the mask which had adorned to conceal his identity. It wouldn’t hurt to take it off for a few seconds. Just long enough to let the breeze cool my face. This mask has felt as if it was getting tighter and tighter by every second. Surely, I must be imagining it. Still, it would feel nice just to have the wind caress my face once more. No harm could come from it. The villagers are too absorbed in their own lives, not too mention they are too far away, to even notice me.
With that thought, Alex started to unravel the mask that bound his face. The moment the wrap began to loosen, an image flashed in Alex’s mind. Alex sighed and closed his eyes. He slumped against the tree and without another word, began to put his wrap back in its proper place. Fixing it, so that it wouldn’t come loose.
“Brittany,” Alex whispered softly. The sound of her name brought tears to his eyes, but those tears did not remain there for long. He quickly blinked the tears out of his eyes so that he could concentrate on the village. Yet, even tough he tried to put all his concentration on the village, his mind wandered aimlessly about.
I’m so close to my goal, yet, the closer I get, the farther away I seem, from obtaining it. Every time I think of you, I know that I must do this. I will bring you back, Brittany. I will bring you back and I will bring our child back as well. Every time I think of you, I realize just how much I miss you. When I think of the sadness and the longing in your eyes, it breaks my heart. I had once made a vow, that I would never let tears of sadness caress your cheeks ever again. Yet, once again I have failed. Not only have we both lost our child, but we’ve lost ourselves as well. I can tell, even though I won’t admit it, I can tell. I’m no longer the person I once was, that is obvious to me. I’ve given into insanity and let my thoughts be controlled by my emotions. I’ve fought with my friends, and even went so far as to kill them, just because they tried to keep me from you. In my heart, I wonder if you would still love me, if you truly knew what all I have done. If you knew of what all I am going to do. Yet, despite all the changes I’ve gone through, I am not the only one that has changed. Your death has affected me the most, that I cannot deny, but it has also had its effects on the others as well. Shadow, Aurora, even Kiba, have been acting differently after your death. Even you, now that I think about it, have changed. After dying, and losing those most precious to you, I can’t blame you. The despair you feel, must be ten times that of which I feel. Never before, have I ever seen you look as sad and as lost as you did when I spoke with you. It was almost as if you were a different person, but I can’t say anything about that. No one, not even Kiba would be able to recognize me now. As I told Baou and Rire, I am neither Razriel nor Alex. The being before you, is a monster. The only question is, when I bring you back, whom shall you see? Will you see the man you once loved, the Devil you once feared, or the monster I see reflected in the water?
“You okay, mister?” A small voice asked, coming from Alex’s right.
Alex instantly tensed up at the sound of the voice. Shit, I was too careless. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t even realize someone got this close to me. Dammit, I need to be more careful!
Alex quickly turned and glared at the person who dared sneak up on him. The moment he laid eyes on the person, however, his anger quickly subsided. He relaxed his muscles and eased back down into a sitting position. Still, he couldn’t take his eyes off of the person who stood before him.
“Sorry if I startled you, mister,” a little girl told him. She had shoulder length brown hair, and big brown eyes. Alex could tell that she was one of the poorer families, due to the fact that her dress looked more like a brown potato sack, than anything else. In her hands, she held a wooden bucket full of water.
“Didn’t your mother ever tell you, not to talk to strangers?” Alex asked softly. He wanted to get the girl to leave as quickly as possible, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel fascinated by the sheer innocence of this girl.
She looks to be about five, but then again in a world such as ours, it is hard to determine a person’s age. You could live for eons and still look like a teenager. Yet, this aura of innocence around her, she could not be that old to have such an innocent form of naivety. To think, that in times such as this, and times back when the Four Lords lived, there is a girl that still retrains that blissful ignorance that so many lost. This is a miracle all in itself.
The girl shook her head quickly. “My mommy’s dead.”
Alex was immediately grateful for his mask. For if that girl had seen the look on his face as she said that, she would know that she just broke his heart. Alex had to clear his throat several times before he finally managed to regain the ability to speak. “I-I’m sorry to hear that. Surely, though, your father must’ve told you to be weary of strangers.”
Once again the girl shook her head. “My daddy’s gone too. They both died while serving our Lord.”
Alex felt another lump forming in his throat. He closed his eyes and dug his hands into the soft ground beside him. He didn’t want to know the answer, but then again, the image of this girl made him want to know the truth. “Under which Lord, did your parents perish under?”
“Why, the only Lord we have. They served the great Lord. They were his most important people. They died on an important mission for him. Now, I live with my uncle and his family. It’s not as nice as when I used to live by the castle, but my uncle treats me nicely.”
“Do you know the Lord’s name?”
The girl paused for a second and thought about it. Had it been under different circumstances, Alex would’ve laughed at how hard she seemed to concentrate on the question. But given the circumstances, Alex nearly cried. That was how much he wanted to know, how much he needed to know who was responsible for taking this dear child’s parents away from her. When the girl finally gave her answer, Alex’s heart shattered like fragile glass.
“Raz...Rav...Rariel. It was something like that. I’m not sure I’m supposed to even say his name. I just call him my Lord. Yet, now he’s no longer our real Lord. Now, he’s gone to start a family.”
Author's Note: I really liked writing this girl's personality. There's just something so innocent about it that just makes you want to hug her to death...ouch...bad pun when you read later chapters...oh well. She's still one of my favorite characters. I hope to use her more from now on.
Alex sighed as he gazed up at the stars. He silently wished he knew where Brittany was. He knew that if he could see her for only a second, she would be able to ease this pain that his heart felt. Try as he might, he wasn’t able to overcome the indescribable heartache that seemed to scream at him to stop what he was about to do. He tried to turn a deaf ear to the cries of his heart. Cries, that he believed, were just a sign of his own weakness to do what needed to be done.
Why do I feel this pain? How could I go from feeling nothing, to having my heart feel as if it is being torn in two? There is that possibility...no...I must not think like that. Baou and Rire were just trying to stop me, that’s all there was to it. The darkness that they said was consuming was all just a ploy to stop me, it had to be. I can’t start second guessing my actions. I can’t, otherwise I’ll lose the chance of ever getting Brittany back. I can’t think about the consequences, I just need to plow through and do what I must!
Alex slid to the ground, resting his back and his head against the tree. He looked up at the sky and shook his head. “But, what if....”
Alex then looked back toward the city which was laid out before him. He could hear the villagers, even from where he was. Their happy laughter and chattering as they sat inside their homes eating, only brought sadness to his heart. The more he thought about it, the more he subconsciously doubting do this.
He could feel a slight breeze move all around him. He instinctively reached to remove the mask which had adorned to conceal his identity. It wouldn’t hurt to take it off for a few seconds. Just long enough to let the breeze cool my face. This mask has felt as if it was getting tighter and tighter by every second. Surely, I must be imagining it. Still, it would feel nice just to have the wind caress my face once more. No harm could come from it. The villagers are too absorbed in their own lives, not too mention they are too far away, to even notice me.
With that thought, Alex started to unravel the mask that bound his face. The moment the wrap began to loosen, an image flashed in Alex’s mind. Alex sighed and closed his eyes. He slumped against the tree and without another word, began to put his wrap back in its proper place. Fixing it, so that it wouldn’t come loose.
“Brittany,” Alex whispered softly. The sound of her name brought tears to his eyes, but those tears did not remain there for long. He quickly blinked the tears out of his eyes so that he could concentrate on the village. Yet, even tough he tried to put all his concentration on the village, his mind wandered aimlessly about.
I’m so close to my goal, yet, the closer I get, the farther away I seem, from obtaining it. Every time I think of you, I know that I must do this. I will bring you back, Brittany. I will bring you back and I will bring our child back as well. Every time I think of you, I realize just how much I miss you. When I think of the sadness and the longing in your eyes, it breaks my heart. I had once made a vow, that I would never let tears of sadness caress your cheeks ever again. Yet, once again I have failed. Not only have we both lost our child, but we’ve lost ourselves as well. I can tell, even though I won’t admit it, I can tell. I’m no longer the person I once was, that is obvious to me. I’ve given into insanity and let my thoughts be controlled by my emotions. I’ve fought with my friends, and even went so far as to kill them, just because they tried to keep me from you. In my heart, I wonder if you would still love me, if you truly knew what all I have done. If you knew of what all I am going to do. Yet, despite all the changes I’ve gone through, I am not the only one that has changed. Your death has affected me the most, that I cannot deny, but it has also had its effects on the others as well. Shadow, Aurora, even Kiba, have been acting differently after your death. Even you, now that I think about it, have changed. After dying, and losing those most precious to you, I can’t blame you. The despair you feel, must be ten times that of which I feel. Never before, have I ever seen you look as sad and as lost as you did when I spoke with you. It was almost as if you were a different person, but I can’t say anything about that. No one, not even Kiba would be able to recognize me now. As I told Baou and Rire, I am neither Razriel nor Alex. The being before you, is a monster. The only question is, when I bring you back, whom shall you see? Will you see the man you once loved, the Devil you once feared, or the monster I see reflected in the water?
“You okay, mister?” A small voice asked, coming from Alex’s right.
Alex instantly tensed up at the sound of the voice. Shit, I was too careless. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t even realize someone got this close to me. Dammit, I need to be more careful!
Alex quickly turned and glared at the person who dared sneak up on him. The moment he laid eyes on the person, however, his anger quickly subsided. He relaxed his muscles and eased back down into a sitting position. Still, he couldn’t take his eyes off of the person who stood before him.
“Sorry if I startled you, mister,” a little girl told him. She had shoulder length brown hair, and big brown eyes. Alex could tell that she was one of the poorer families, due to the fact that her dress looked more like a brown potato sack, than anything else. In her hands, she held a wooden bucket full of water.
“Didn’t your mother ever tell you, not to talk to strangers?” Alex asked softly. He wanted to get the girl to leave as quickly as possible, but at the same time, he couldn’t help but feel fascinated by the sheer innocence of this girl.
She looks to be about five, but then again in a world such as ours, it is hard to determine a person’s age. You could live for eons and still look like a teenager. Yet, this aura of innocence around her, she could not be that old to have such an innocent form of naivety. To think, that in times such as this, and times back when the Four Lords lived, there is a girl that still retrains that blissful ignorance that so many lost. This is a miracle all in itself.
The girl shook her head quickly. “My mommy’s dead.”
Alex was immediately grateful for his mask. For if that girl had seen the look on his face as she said that, she would know that she just broke his heart. Alex had to clear his throat several times before he finally managed to regain the ability to speak. “I-I’m sorry to hear that. Surely, though, your father must’ve told you to be weary of strangers.”
Once again the girl shook her head. “My daddy’s gone too. They both died while serving our Lord.”
Alex felt another lump forming in his throat. He closed his eyes and dug his hands into the soft ground beside him. He didn’t want to know the answer, but then again, the image of this girl made him want to know the truth. “Under which Lord, did your parents perish under?”
“Why, the only Lord we have. They served the great Lord. They were his most important people. They died on an important mission for him. Now, I live with my uncle and his family. It’s not as nice as when I used to live by the castle, but my uncle treats me nicely.”
“Do you know the Lord’s name?”
The girl paused for a second and thought about it. Had it been under different circumstances, Alex would’ve laughed at how hard she seemed to concentrate on the question. But given the circumstances, Alex nearly cried. That was how much he wanted to know, how much he needed to know who was responsible for taking this dear child’s parents away from her. When the girl finally gave her answer, Alex’s heart shattered like fragile glass.
“Raz...Rav...Rariel. It was something like that. I’m not sure I’m supposed to even say his name. I just call him my Lord. Yet, now he’s no longer our real Lord. Now, he’s gone to start a family.”
Author's Note: I really liked writing this girl's personality. There's just something so innocent about it that just makes you want to hug her to death...ouch...bad pun when you read later chapters...oh well. She's still one of my favorite characters. I hope to use her more from now on.