Fan Fiction ❯ Trials and Tribulations ❯ T&T (12) ( Chapter 12 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: MercuryGoddess 
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.17.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 351 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.17.2004 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 351 | Status: Completed
Author Notes: Well, I got some mixed reviews. Most were happy, but some were disappointed in the boys. This chapter will be the explanation chapter, and hopefully it will clear up some questions or comments you lovely folks might have.
Clarification for Princess of Mirrors: Sora said Taiyou wasn't doing his job because Riku is still filled with so much pain and anguish, yet Taiyou was suppose to be the one to Riku could go to help. The chapter below should answer some more of your questions regarding their motives for their 'friendship.'
Special Thanks To: Ariana, Psykre, Junsui-san, Crimson-cruel, Uzumaki-sama, Rimiko, Twinstar1, Lightdemondarkangel, KaoruFan, Heather Christi, tries-to-be-special, Kieshar, Rinoki Rio, kawaiidark, Princess of Mirrors, diamond_princess06, camigirl4k3, myredraincoat, Dreamer, Snowshoe koneko, YaisaKitty, Kate-chan, Sora Otaku, and my Mediaminer reviewers kady, DragonDame57, and inumoon3!
Thanks To Crystalline Tears And Lightdemondarkangel For Their Excellent Beta Work!
Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I would be filthy rich right now!! So, get off my back!!
Warnings: This is a yaoi, or to plainly put it male x male relationships! If you don't like it, don't read it!! I don't want to see flames on this subject because I plainly put my warning here!
Rating: I have boosted the rating on this story for future chapters...
Reminder:
"..............." Means talking
(...............) Means author notes
*..............* Means an action
~..............~ Means thinking
'...............' Means past sayings
>.............< Means a place
Trials and Tribulations
Chapter Twelve
Of all the scenarios Riku could have thought of, going into Sora's house angry, then coming out after receiving a hot goodbye kiss would not be one of them. Truth be told, he was preparing himself to be angry at Sora for long period of time, and of course him revealing what happened to his mother wasn't in the script either. For whatever the reason he felt he needed to explain his feelings regarding the situation with Taiyou to Sora, even though it really wasn't required. His relationship with Sora could have run perfectly fine without the knowledge that Riku's mother had been killed on her way to Riku's championship baseball game.
Then why did he tell him? Why did he open up the memory like an old wound and allow himself to feel the sting of guilt and anguish? He could have easily said that Taiyou was his boyfriend, and he had every right to feel the way he did about him because Taiyou had that quality. He could have avoided the pain of the past, the unwanted resurfacing of memories he worked so hard to keep in the back recesses of his mind. So...why did he allow it to come out?
And why was he feeling like a huge burden had been lifted off of him?
Riku climbed into the small window and landed softly in the room; his eyes automatically falling on the bundle curled up in his bed. Taiyou was asleep; only the occasional light breeze coming through the window would illicit a small shiver. Walking over and taking a thin blanket from the foot of the bed with him, Riku sat down and tucked the blanket under Taiyou's chin, watching the older boy sleep. He looked serene for the first time today, but Riku couldn't help picturing Sora sleeping in his bed rather than his boyfriend.
It was wrong, and he knew it was wrong, but somehow he couldn't stop.
He couldn't stop thinking of Sora's rosy cheeks, slightly parted lips, messy spikes covering closed eyes...he couldn't stop. What made it even more wrong was how he liked thinking about Sora that way and didn't want to stop. The image of tranquil perfection was something he wanted to think and dream about all day long. He let out a bitter laugh. There was a time when he thought about Taiyou that way:
Freshman year.
Riku transferred from City Isle Junior High just a year before yet he still had no friends at all. He had acquaintances; people you say hi to occasionally, then go on with your daily lives, not worrying about what they're doing or who they're with. Riku was used to the complete solitude - his brother moved out the house, and his father locked himself in his room. At the tender age of thirteen, he was thrown into a world of adult responsibilities such as bill paying and laundry. He never did mind doing the work because of the effect his mother's death had on his father. So he did it without question, and at first he was filled with loneliness and silent suffering. But as the days turned into weeks went by, he felt himself just not caring anymore. His ability to express emotion became 'invalid', so to speak.
Suddenly, Taiyou appeared out of nowhere and completely turned his world upside down.
The older boy made it his personal mission to extract some 'human characteristics' from Riku. He never did find out why; he was just going to ignore it and move on. But something about Taiyou's persistence and determination made him feel more alive then he had ever felt in a long while. Staying cold and indifferent around Taiyou was practically impossible. His very presence could evoke strong emotions in anyone, and it was that quality that drew him to Taiyou in the first place. However, he made the ultimate mistake as he continued to allow Taiyou to delve deeper and deeper into his life.
He fell in love.
Taiyou was his first love before the amber-eyed boy even asked him out. That was how much time the two were spending with each other. Taiyou had taken it slow, getting to know every single piece of the puzzle named Riku. He didn't pressure him, 'forcefully encourage,' or anything. He blabbered all about himself and then asked Riku about his past. Riku was so wrapped up in Taiyou that he took his guard down and revealed the pain and suffering he was feeling ever since his mother died. To his relief, Taiyou didn't run away or say 'everything will be fine, Riku, just you see!' He actually told him like it was; yes, your mother is dead, no, you may never get over that, but yes, there is a way to overcome it. Riku had been entirely grateful and showed his gratitude by a kiss. Thus, the beginning of Riku and Taiyou's relationship.
They were very much into each other until the end of freshman year when Taiyou had to make a choice. His father had told him that they were going to move to City Isle to promote the company. Knowing fully well that his son was gay, his father included that he either go with him to City Isle and find a nice girl to marry and carry on the company with or...stay here, live with your aunt and continue the so called relationship he was having with Riku. Taiyou made the decision to abandon what they had and followed his father.
He broke up with Riku in a small cave on the far side of the island - their special place - then left a couple of days later.
It was at that very moment that he lost the sparkly feeling he had towards Taiyou. No longer did he see the older boy as some kind of sacred artifact that only he had to take care of. No longer did he get that tingling feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought of Taiyou. He felt rage, betrayal, self-pity, and self-loathing...
Although Riku didn't revert back to his heartless bastard attitude, he certainly did transform from his I'm-in-love-the-world-is-beautiful persona. He was cynical, sarcastic, and overall pessimistic. His outlook on life was simple: Life's a bitch; we all die alone anyway. He was pretty much that way until Sora came waltzing in homeroom a few minutes late and engaging in a staring contest with Mr. Shin.
Riku laughed genuinely this time before leaning up against the backboard of the bed, his eyes still trained on Taiyou. The laugh died on his lips, however, when Taiyou let out a sigh as he shifted onto his back, left arm splayed above his head. There was a time when he would tremble with giddiness at the simple position switch. The only thing he felt now was the light breeze that continued its steady stream throughout the room and it made him feel a tremor of guilt. He was feeling those forbidden feelings for Sora, not Taiyou.
Was that why he made up that speech about there not being a rule on the boundaries of friendship? Because he wanted to disguise the real reason why he wanted to kiss, touch, and hold Sora?
Riku stood up while raking a hand through his silver locks. Without so much as a second glance, Riku walked out the room and down the stairs, only to see his father sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of scotch in his hand. Tired and emotionally strung, Riku glared at his father with distain. "When will you ever solve problems on your own instead of going to a fucking bottle of scotch?"
His father only looked at him with disinterest before taking another swig of scotch. The sloshing sound of the almost empty bottle caused Riku to snap completely. He strode forward, snatched the glass bottle from his father's hands and chucked it at the nearest wall. The bottle shattered on contact; the bronze liquid seeping down the wall forming a steady puddle on the floor. "CUT IT OUT!" Riku screamed as he inched menacingly towards his inebriated father. "JUST CUT IT OUT!"
Eyes narrowed into crazed slits, Yuki stood up and staggered towards Riku. "I spe't the las' of mah allowance on tha' bottle."
"Oh, the world is going to end now," Riku stated sarcastically. "Yuki spent the last of his money on a bottle of scotch."
Yuki picked up his pace, only to have a sharp dagger of pain shoot through his head. He leaned against the table, breathing irregularly, and shot Riku a weak glare. Riku looked at him in disgust. "I have a hell of a lot more problems than you do, but you don't see me getting wasted, now do you? For fuck's sake, clean yourself up and don't go to my room. Leave. Taiyou. Alone."
With that, Riku walked out and headed to his car. At times like this when his father was drunk, or the mental pain just became too much, he drove to the one place that can make him feel much better.
Leon's place.
>Leon's Apartment<
Riku parked the car in the small parking lot just outside Leon's apartment. It was late, but he was sure the senior and his boyfriend were home considering the fact that they barely left the apartment in the evenings. Leon and Cloud were the ones who picked up the pieces when Taiyou left, so he had always been dependent on them when he was feeling like an emotional wreck. It could be said that they were his get-out-of-jail free cards, except it could be used more than once.
He took advantage of that fact every time he could.
Making his way up the steep stairs, Riku looked for apartment number 4644. He greeted the neighbors as they passed by - they saw him as a fellow neighbor since he came by so much - and quickly made it to the fourth floor. He knocked twice, waiting for the door to open as he looked around. The door opened a few minutes later to reveal Cloud in his boxers, eyes heavily lidded, hair messier than usual and lips swollen. Riku looked at him with amusement. Seems like he interrupted a heavy make-out session...
"Oh, hi Riku! Come in," Cloud invited huskily.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Riku said politely.
"You are. Get out."
There at the bedroom entrance was an equally tousled Leon. He was leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms, lips forming a tight line. Cloud smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, we've been getting visitors all day today, and Leon is a little...frustrated."
A grunt was the only response to that statement, causing Cloud and Riku to laugh softly. Cloud turned to Riku. "So what's up, Riku? I know you didn't drive 20 minutes out here to say hi."
"Just...problems at home and in the head," Riku replied, laughing bitterly. Cloud turned around and waved his hand at Leon. Riku smiled weakly. They had this down to a science: Riku would come in and say he had problems at home and in the head, Cloud would wave to Leon, and Leon would make three hot chocolates with whip cream. Then, they would sit down at the dining room and talk. Riku loved every minute of it.
The three hot chocolates were prepared with ease and set on the dining room table where they all sat at their respectable places.
Now, they were ready to talk.
"So what happened, Riku?" Cloud asked cautiously while sipping the hot liquid in front of him.
"Well, here the gist of it: Taiyou's been acting cold to Sora all week. It got out of hand today at lunch and at the hospital. I told them that they were going to meet at my house to talk. Sora said hurtful things to Taiyou, Taiyou cried for the first time in ages, I went over Sora's house to yell at him and ended up telling him about my mother and kissing him goodbye, I went back to my house to find my father drunk and snapped, throwing the bottle against the wall, and now I'm here."
Silence. "...You kissed Sora?"
"I'm an idiot. I made this whole little speech about how society doesn't decide the boundaries of a friendship."
"...You...KISSED...Sora?!"
Letting out a deep sigh, Riku slumped in the chair, burying his face in his hands. "I know. I know."
He picked up the black coffee mug and took a large gulp of the hot chocolate. Cloud looked at Leon before shifting his gaze back to Riku. He opened his mouth to say something, but Riku began to speak first. "Sora makes me feel even better than I felt back in freshman year, and I don't really know why. I feel guilty though because I have these thoughts like 'What if I did this with Sora?' or 'What would Sora say about that?' instead of thinking about what Taiyou would want or say about something. It's driving me nuts, guys, and that feeling I have when I'm around Sora is...well, addictive to say the least. I want to always be the one to protect him, always be the one to comfort him when he needs it, and always be the one who he comes to talk to. Am I absolutely out of my mind for feeling this way? I mean, Taiyou should be making me feel this way, not Sora, but when I'm with Taiyou, I feel something, yet I don't know what it is anymore. I thought it was love, or at least like, but now...
I don't know. I just don't know.
"The only thing I know is that if I suppress these feelings I have for Sora, it'll get worse. I know that if I go for these feelings and leave Taiyou because of them, he'll get hurt. Besides, Sora is with Kairi at the moment. Damn it, this is a lose-lose situation! Someone will get hurt!"
"Someone always gets hurt, Riku," Leon said softly, "and you can't change that. The only thing you have control over is who gets hurt, and that is a decision you will have to make on your own."
"Leon's right," Cloud interjected. "None of us can make that decision for you. It's something you will have to think about. Don't try to rush it either. Take you time and think about it thoroughly."
"I know that's what it boils down to, but I'm so confused..."
Cloud leaned over and brought Riku into snug embrace, patting his back softly. "This is quite a mess you're in, Riku, but rest assured this will be straightened out in time. Why don't you take a quick nap before you hit the road again? You look awfully tired."
Riku nodded, drank the last of his hot chocolate, and headed over to the couch. He plopped down unceremoniously and fell into the cushions, snuggling up and falling asleep. Leon looked at the body of his couch, then back at Cloud. He grabbed the blonde-haired man's hand lead him back to the bedroom. "He sleeps like a rock. He won't hear us."
Smiling, Cloud let himself be lead onto the king-sized bed.
^*^
Sora sat down heavily on the wooden dock, wiping the sweat off his brow. For the last twenty minutes, Sora had been running non-stop, and now he was getting ready for a swim. It was something he did when the thoughts and confines of his house became unbearable. And the thoughts were certainly overwhelming:
Taiyou.
Riku.
Riku's mother.
His own parents.
Riku's kiss.
Riku.
Kairi.
Riku. Riku. Riku.
He mentally kicked himself. What they had was simply a weird friendship and nothing more. Besides, he has a girlfriend and Riku has a boyfriend. Nothing more could happen between them, right?
Pulling his shirt over his head and his shoes off of his feet, Sora threw both of them over his shoulder and dived in the water. The cool water relaxed him almost immediately as he floated on the surface, looking up into the night sky. The moon was full and illuminated the small area intensely.
It reminded him of Riku.
Silver locks the length of his shoulder blade, iridescent sea-green eyes, and pale, milky skin...he couldn't seem to get the older boy out of his head. In reality, he didn't want to, but he knew that thoughts like these will land him right back where he started. He worked entirely too hard to let these sickening emotions get to him, and he'll be damned if they do...
But...
He also knew that part of him wanted these feelings to come. He wanted to be able to feel that bubbling sensation when he was around someone; he even wanted someone to trust although his trust had been shattered multiple times before. For once, he wanted to be able to not put his guard up or surround himself with walls of indifference when talking about something personal. He wanted to be able to act the way Riku did when he talked about his mother.
Completely open and honest - exposed.
At some point in time he was completely open and honest about his feelings, but junior high changed all of that. Junior high changed Kairi and made her cold and callous towards him because of her popularity status, which in turn made him desperate for that trustworthiness that he cherished so much...
This in turn led him to Irvine, Seifer, and the others.
Even when feeling a little more cautious, he still fell under the trap of his 'friends.' The joke from Rinoa, Yuna, Seifer, Quistis, and Irvine - named The Biggest and Funniest Prank Since Forever by his fellow classmates - made him even more guarded than before, but...
It wasn't enough to save him from falling for Irvine.
Irvine was his first love, and he came to realize that after a festival that took place a few years ago. It had been perfect; Irvine and Sora broke off from the rest of the group and sat near a small lake nearby the festival grounds and talked like there was no tomorrow. Sora already knew he 'sorta liked' Irvine for a while, but he found his crush getting stronger and stronger as the night went on. Irvine had opened up to him - he was a completely different person behind closed doors. And he decided to share that with Sora, of all people. So, Sora returned the favor.
A few days later, the joke ensued, and Sora hated him with his entire being for the rest of seventh grade. The emotions he felt were simple: pain, abandonment, rejection, and betrayal. It got to the point that he just felt numb. He trusted Irvine and once again, within a two-year period, he was betrayed. He was naive to think that he couldn't be hurt that much within a short amount of time, but his naivety soon turned to stupidity. When he entered the eight grade, Irvine - the only one out of the group - was determined to receive forgiveness for what he did the previous year. Stupidity reigned over his common sense once again, and he forgave the older boy and started to befriend him for real.
It caused Sora to fall in love with him over again.
The only difference was that this time, it wasn't unrequited. They confessed their feelings for each other in the exact same spot they were in the night of the festival, and for once, life was not some horrible monster trying to rain on his parade. He was happier than he had ever felt before, but life just wouldn't allow him to be happier. Seifer liked Irvine, and always getting what he wanted, he sought out Irvine.
The end result: Irvine liked Seifer as well and chose him over Sora.
Once again he felt the familiar rush of negative emotions and closed himself off to others. The memory of seeing Seifer smile smugly while wrapping an arm around Irvine's waist was etched in his mind, forever tormenting him and showing him that he could never, ever be happy - that life was nothing more than his torturer. Yet he found himself crawling out of the shell he put himself in for Riku. He felt protective, possessive, and jealous at the thought of anyone beside himself kissing him, holding him, talking to him about deep personal matters...How did the older boy make him feel this way? Why couldn't he just be content with the relationship he already has with Kairi? Why was he in a relationship in the first place?
Sora sighed and pushed himself slowly in the water. He didn't know how long he had been there, but all he had was questions with no answers so he decided to wade back to the dock. Pulling himself out the water, he shook his head fiercely and grabbed the crumpled, sand-covered shirt, while squeezing into his shoes, jogging back to his house. He spotted a familiar black convertible in his driveway and froze mid-jog.
Riku was over his house.
Suddenly, feeling self-conscious, Sora thought about running in the opposite direction, but decided to face Riku. He squared off his shoulders and walked over to the tree. He scaled it easily and jumped in the open window, spotting Riku on the bed.
Riku looked up as soon as he heard the rustling of the leaves. There he was, the object of his thoughts, dripping wet with a determined expression on his face. He sighed. He had to do what he had to do.
Standing up, Riku walked slowly over to Sora. He stopped when he was a few inches away. "I need to see something," he murmured softly.
Sora cocked his head to the side, but nevertheless stayed quiet. Riku leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss. He felt the older boy wrap his arms around his waist immediately, and only then did he start to respond. The kiss continued to grow; from tender to passionate to downright urgent. Sora felt himself clinging to the other, wishing, hoping, PRAYING that this wouldn't end.
~How does he make me feel this way?~
Sora began walking towards the bed - Riku still in his desperate embrace - when the kiss was stopped abruptly. Slightly caught off guard, Sora locked eyes with Riku and began to ask what was wrong, but what he saw in Riku's eyes stunned him into silence. His eyes were widened in realization, and the once sea green eyes darkened with fear. The fear took Sora by surprise, but it was the type of fear that shocked him the most.
Riku looked terrified.
From that simple look, Sora felt the familiar sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
^*^
Finished! This chapter was basically Riku & Sora-centric to show you all how they really feel about what happened. I hope this answers some, if not many, questions you guys might have. The next chapter will also be an explanation chapter except it's Taiyou & Kairi-centric, then the angst will die down slightly and romance will spring up. Seeing as this is a romance/angst story, the angst will be back.
One more thing: We have just scratched the surface of Riku and Sora's past.
Please review. Constructive criticism welcome.
~MercuryGoddess~
Clarification for Princess of Mirrors: Sora said Taiyou wasn't doing his job because Riku is still filled with so much pain and anguish, yet Taiyou was suppose to be the one to Riku could go to help. The chapter below should answer some more of your questions regarding their motives for their 'friendship.'
Special Thanks To: Ariana, Psykre, Junsui-san, Crimson-cruel, Uzumaki-sama, Rimiko, Twinstar1, Lightdemondarkangel, KaoruFan, Heather Christi, tries-to-be-special, Kieshar, Rinoki Rio, kawaiidark, Princess of Mirrors, diamond_princess06, camigirl4k3, myredraincoat, Dreamer, Snowshoe koneko, YaisaKitty, Kate-chan, Sora Otaku, and my Mediaminer reviewers kady, DragonDame57, and inumoon3!
Thanks To Crystalline Tears And Lightdemondarkangel For Their Excellent Beta Work!
Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I would be filthy rich right now!! So, get off my back!!
Warnings: This is a yaoi, or to plainly put it male x male relationships! If you don't like it, don't read it!! I don't want to see flames on this subject because I plainly put my warning here!
Rating: I have boosted the rating on this story for future chapters...
Reminder:
"..............." Means talking
(...............) Means author notes
*..............* Means an action
~..............~ Means thinking
'...............' Means past sayings
>.............< Means a place
Trials and Tribulations
Chapter Twelve
Of all the scenarios Riku could have thought of, going into Sora's house angry, then coming out after receiving a hot goodbye kiss would not be one of them. Truth be told, he was preparing himself to be angry at Sora for long period of time, and of course him revealing what happened to his mother wasn't in the script either. For whatever the reason he felt he needed to explain his feelings regarding the situation with Taiyou to Sora, even though it really wasn't required. His relationship with Sora could have run perfectly fine without the knowledge that Riku's mother had been killed on her way to Riku's championship baseball game.
Then why did he tell him? Why did he open up the memory like an old wound and allow himself to feel the sting of guilt and anguish? He could have easily said that Taiyou was his boyfriend, and he had every right to feel the way he did about him because Taiyou had that quality. He could have avoided the pain of the past, the unwanted resurfacing of memories he worked so hard to keep in the back recesses of his mind. So...why did he allow it to come out?
And why was he feeling like a huge burden had been lifted off of him?
Riku climbed into the small window and landed softly in the room; his eyes automatically falling on the bundle curled up in his bed. Taiyou was asleep; only the occasional light breeze coming through the window would illicit a small shiver. Walking over and taking a thin blanket from the foot of the bed with him, Riku sat down and tucked the blanket under Taiyou's chin, watching the older boy sleep. He looked serene for the first time today, but Riku couldn't help picturing Sora sleeping in his bed rather than his boyfriend.
It was wrong, and he knew it was wrong, but somehow he couldn't stop.
He couldn't stop thinking of Sora's rosy cheeks, slightly parted lips, messy spikes covering closed eyes...he couldn't stop. What made it even more wrong was how he liked thinking about Sora that way and didn't want to stop. The image of tranquil perfection was something he wanted to think and dream about all day long. He let out a bitter laugh. There was a time when he thought about Taiyou that way:
Freshman year.
Riku transferred from City Isle Junior High just a year before yet he still had no friends at all. He had acquaintances; people you say hi to occasionally, then go on with your daily lives, not worrying about what they're doing or who they're with. Riku was used to the complete solitude - his brother moved out the house, and his father locked himself in his room. At the tender age of thirteen, he was thrown into a world of adult responsibilities such as bill paying and laundry. He never did mind doing the work because of the effect his mother's death had on his father. So he did it without question, and at first he was filled with loneliness and silent suffering. But as the days turned into weeks went by, he felt himself just not caring anymore. His ability to express emotion became 'invalid', so to speak.
Suddenly, Taiyou appeared out of nowhere and completely turned his world upside down.
The older boy made it his personal mission to extract some 'human characteristics' from Riku. He never did find out why; he was just going to ignore it and move on. But something about Taiyou's persistence and determination made him feel more alive then he had ever felt in a long while. Staying cold and indifferent around Taiyou was practically impossible. His very presence could evoke strong emotions in anyone, and it was that quality that drew him to Taiyou in the first place. However, he made the ultimate mistake as he continued to allow Taiyou to delve deeper and deeper into his life.
He fell in love.
Taiyou was his first love before the amber-eyed boy even asked him out. That was how much time the two were spending with each other. Taiyou had taken it slow, getting to know every single piece of the puzzle named Riku. He didn't pressure him, 'forcefully encourage,' or anything. He blabbered all about himself and then asked Riku about his past. Riku was so wrapped up in Taiyou that he took his guard down and revealed the pain and suffering he was feeling ever since his mother died. To his relief, Taiyou didn't run away or say 'everything will be fine, Riku, just you see!' He actually told him like it was; yes, your mother is dead, no, you may never get over that, but yes, there is a way to overcome it. Riku had been entirely grateful and showed his gratitude by a kiss. Thus, the beginning of Riku and Taiyou's relationship.
They were very much into each other until the end of freshman year when Taiyou had to make a choice. His father had told him that they were going to move to City Isle to promote the company. Knowing fully well that his son was gay, his father included that he either go with him to City Isle and find a nice girl to marry and carry on the company with or...stay here, live with your aunt and continue the so called relationship he was having with Riku. Taiyou made the decision to abandon what they had and followed his father.
He broke up with Riku in a small cave on the far side of the island - their special place - then left a couple of days later.
It was at that very moment that he lost the sparkly feeling he had towards Taiyou. No longer did he see the older boy as some kind of sacred artifact that only he had to take care of. No longer did he get that tingling feeling in the pit of his stomach when he thought of Taiyou. He felt rage, betrayal, self-pity, and self-loathing...
Although Riku didn't revert back to his heartless bastard attitude, he certainly did transform from his I'm-in-love-the-world-is-beautiful persona. He was cynical, sarcastic, and overall pessimistic. His outlook on life was simple: Life's a bitch; we all die alone anyway. He was pretty much that way until Sora came waltzing in homeroom a few minutes late and engaging in a staring contest with Mr. Shin.
Riku laughed genuinely this time before leaning up against the backboard of the bed, his eyes still trained on Taiyou. The laugh died on his lips, however, when Taiyou let out a sigh as he shifted onto his back, left arm splayed above his head. There was a time when he would tremble with giddiness at the simple position switch. The only thing he felt now was the light breeze that continued its steady stream throughout the room and it made him feel a tremor of guilt. He was feeling those forbidden feelings for Sora, not Taiyou.
Was that why he made up that speech about there not being a rule on the boundaries of friendship? Because he wanted to disguise the real reason why he wanted to kiss, touch, and hold Sora?
Riku stood up while raking a hand through his silver locks. Without so much as a second glance, Riku walked out the room and down the stairs, only to see his father sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of scotch in his hand. Tired and emotionally strung, Riku glared at his father with distain. "When will you ever solve problems on your own instead of going to a fucking bottle of scotch?"
His father only looked at him with disinterest before taking another swig of scotch. The sloshing sound of the almost empty bottle caused Riku to snap completely. He strode forward, snatched the glass bottle from his father's hands and chucked it at the nearest wall. The bottle shattered on contact; the bronze liquid seeping down the wall forming a steady puddle on the floor. "CUT IT OUT!" Riku screamed as he inched menacingly towards his inebriated father. "JUST CUT IT OUT!"
Eyes narrowed into crazed slits, Yuki stood up and staggered towards Riku. "I spe't the las' of mah allowance on tha' bottle."
"Oh, the world is going to end now," Riku stated sarcastically. "Yuki spent the last of his money on a bottle of scotch."
Yuki picked up his pace, only to have a sharp dagger of pain shoot through his head. He leaned against the table, breathing irregularly, and shot Riku a weak glare. Riku looked at him in disgust. "I have a hell of a lot more problems than you do, but you don't see me getting wasted, now do you? For fuck's sake, clean yourself up and don't go to my room. Leave. Taiyou. Alone."
With that, Riku walked out and headed to his car. At times like this when his father was drunk, or the mental pain just became too much, he drove to the one place that can make him feel much better.
Leon's place.
>Leon's Apartment<
Riku parked the car in the small parking lot just outside Leon's apartment. It was late, but he was sure the senior and his boyfriend were home considering the fact that they barely left the apartment in the evenings. Leon and Cloud were the ones who picked up the pieces when Taiyou left, so he had always been dependent on them when he was feeling like an emotional wreck. It could be said that they were his get-out-of-jail free cards, except it could be used more than once.
He took advantage of that fact every time he could.
Making his way up the steep stairs, Riku looked for apartment number 4644. He greeted the neighbors as they passed by - they saw him as a fellow neighbor since he came by so much - and quickly made it to the fourth floor. He knocked twice, waiting for the door to open as he looked around. The door opened a few minutes later to reveal Cloud in his boxers, eyes heavily lidded, hair messier than usual and lips swollen. Riku looked at him with amusement. Seems like he interrupted a heavy make-out session...
"Oh, hi Riku! Come in," Cloud invited huskily.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," Riku said politely.
"You are. Get out."
There at the bedroom entrance was an equally tousled Leon. He was leaning against the doorframe and crossing his arms, lips forming a tight line. Cloud smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, we've been getting visitors all day today, and Leon is a little...frustrated."
A grunt was the only response to that statement, causing Cloud and Riku to laugh softly. Cloud turned to Riku. "So what's up, Riku? I know you didn't drive 20 minutes out here to say hi."
"Just...problems at home and in the head," Riku replied, laughing bitterly. Cloud turned around and waved his hand at Leon. Riku smiled weakly. They had this down to a science: Riku would come in and say he had problems at home and in the head, Cloud would wave to Leon, and Leon would make three hot chocolates with whip cream. Then, they would sit down at the dining room and talk. Riku loved every minute of it.
The three hot chocolates were prepared with ease and set on the dining room table where they all sat at their respectable places.
Now, they were ready to talk.
"So what happened, Riku?" Cloud asked cautiously while sipping the hot liquid in front of him.
"Well, here the gist of it: Taiyou's been acting cold to Sora all week. It got out of hand today at lunch and at the hospital. I told them that they were going to meet at my house to talk. Sora said hurtful things to Taiyou, Taiyou cried for the first time in ages, I went over Sora's house to yell at him and ended up telling him about my mother and kissing him goodbye, I went back to my house to find my father drunk and snapped, throwing the bottle against the wall, and now I'm here."
Silence. "...You kissed Sora?"
"I'm an idiot. I made this whole little speech about how society doesn't decide the boundaries of a friendship."
"...You...KISSED...Sora?!"
Letting out a deep sigh, Riku slumped in the chair, burying his face in his hands. "I know. I know."
He picked up the black coffee mug and took a large gulp of the hot chocolate. Cloud looked at Leon before shifting his gaze back to Riku. He opened his mouth to say something, but Riku began to speak first. "Sora makes me feel even better than I felt back in freshman year, and I don't really know why. I feel guilty though because I have these thoughts like 'What if I did this with Sora?' or 'What would Sora say about that?' instead of thinking about what Taiyou would want or say about something. It's driving me nuts, guys, and that feeling I have when I'm around Sora is...well, addictive to say the least. I want to always be the one to protect him, always be the one to comfort him when he needs it, and always be the one who he comes to talk to. Am I absolutely out of my mind for feeling this way? I mean, Taiyou should be making me feel this way, not Sora, but when I'm with Taiyou, I feel something, yet I don't know what it is anymore. I thought it was love, or at least like, but now...
I don't know. I just don't know.
"The only thing I know is that if I suppress these feelings I have for Sora, it'll get worse. I know that if I go for these feelings and leave Taiyou because of them, he'll get hurt. Besides, Sora is with Kairi at the moment. Damn it, this is a lose-lose situation! Someone will get hurt!"
"Someone always gets hurt, Riku," Leon said softly, "and you can't change that. The only thing you have control over is who gets hurt, and that is a decision you will have to make on your own."
"Leon's right," Cloud interjected. "None of us can make that decision for you. It's something you will have to think about. Don't try to rush it either. Take you time and think about it thoroughly."
"I know that's what it boils down to, but I'm so confused..."
Cloud leaned over and brought Riku into snug embrace, patting his back softly. "This is quite a mess you're in, Riku, but rest assured this will be straightened out in time. Why don't you take a quick nap before you hit the road again? You look awfully tired."
Riku nodded, drank the last of his hot chocolate, and headed over to the couch. He plopped down unceremoniously and fell into the cushions, snuggling up and falling asleep. Leon looked at the body of his couch, then back at Cloud. He grabbed the blonde-haired man's hand lead him back to the bedroom. "He sleeps like a rock. He won't hear us."
Smiling, Cloud let himself be lead onto the king-sized bed.
^*^
Sora sat down heavily on the wooden dock, wiping the sweat off his brow. For the last twenty minutes, Sora had been running non-stop, and now he was getting ready for a swim. It was something he did when the thoughts and confines of his house became unbearable. And the thoughts were certainly overwhelming:
Taiyou.
Riku.
Riku's mother.
His own parents.
Riku's kiss.
Riku.
Kairi.
Riku. Riku. Riku.
He mentally kicked himself. What they had was simply a weird friendship and nothing more. Besides, he has a girlfriend and Riku has a boyfriend. Nothing more could happen between them, right?
Pulling his shirt over his head and his shoes off of his feet, Sora threw both of them over his shoulder and dived in the water. The cool water relaxed him almost immediately as he floated on the surface, looking up into the night sky. The moon was full and illuminated the small area intensely.
It reminded him of Riku.
Silver locks the length of his shoulder blade, iridescent sea-green eyes, and pale, milky skin...he couldn't seem to get the older boy out of his head. In reality, he didn't want to, but he knew that thoughts like these will land him right back where he started. He worked entirely too hard to let these sickening emotions get to him, and he'll be damned if they do...
But...
He also knew that part of him wanted these feelings to come. He wanted to be able to feel that bubbling sensation when he was around someone; he even wanted someone to trust although his trust had been shattered multiple times before. For once, he wanted to be able to not put his guard up or surround himself with walls of indifference when talking about something personal. He wanted to be able to act the way Riku did when he talked about his mother.
Completely open and honest - exposed.
At some point in time he was completely open and honest about his feelings, but junior high changed all of that. Junior high changed Kairi and made her cold and callous towards him because of her popularity status, which in turn made him desperate for that trustworthiness that he cherished so much...
This in turn led him to Irvine, Seifer, and the others.
Even when feeling a little more cautious, he still fell under the trap of his 'friends.' The joke from Rinoa, Yuna, Seifer, Quistis, and Irvine - named The Biggest and Funniest Prank Since Forever by his fellow classmates - made him even more guarded than before, but...
It wasn't enough to save him from falling for Irvine.
Irvine was his first love, and he came to realize that after a festival that took place a few years ago. It had been perfect; Irvine and Sora broke off from the rest of the group and sat near a small lake nearby the festival grounds and talked like there was no tomorrow. Sora already knew he 'sorta liked' Irvine for a while, but he found his crush getting stronger and stronger as the night went on. Irvine had opened up to him - he was a completely different person behind closed doors. And he decided to share that with Sora, of all people. So, Sora returned the favor.
A few days later, the joke ensued, and Sora hated him with his entire being for the rest of seventh grade. The emotions he felt were simple: pain, abandonment, rejection, and betrayal. It got to the point that he just felt numb. He trusted Irvine and once again, within a two-year period, he was betrayed. He was naive to think that he couldn't be hurt that much within a short amount of time, but his naivety soon turned to stupidity. When he entered the eight grade, Irvine - the only one out of the group - was determined to receive forgiveness for what he did the previous year. Stupidity reigned over his common sense once again, and he forgave the older boy and started to befriend him for real.
It caused Sora to fall in love with him over again.
The only difference was that this time, it wasn't unrequited. They confessed their feelings for each other in the exact same spot they were in the night of the festival, and for once, life was not some horrible monster trying to rain on his parade. He was happier than he had ever felt before, but life just wouldn't allow him to be happier. Seifer liked Irvine, and always getting what he wanted, he sought out Irvine.
The end result: Irvine liked Seifer as well and chose him over Sora.
Once again he felt the familiar rush of negative emotions and closed himself off to others. The memory of seeing Seifer smile smugly while wrapping an arm around Irvine's waist was etched in his mind, forever tormenting him and showing him that he could never, ever be happy - that life was nothing more than his torturer. Yet he found himself crawling out of the shell he put himself in for Riku. He felt protective, possessive, and jealous at the thought of anyone beside himself kissing him, holding him, talking to him about deep personal matters...How did the older boy make him feel this way? Why couldn't he just be content with the relationship he already has with Kairi? Why was he in a relationship in the first place?
Sora sighed and pushed himself slowly in the water. He didn't know how long he had been there, but all he had was questions with no answers so he decided to wade back to the dock. Pulling himself out the water, he shook his head fiercely and grabbed the crumpled, sand-covered shirt, while squeezing into his shoes, jogging back to his house. He spotted a familiar black convertible in his driveway and froze mid-jog.
Riku was over his house.
Suddenly, feeling self-conscious, Sora thought about running in the opposite direction, but decided to face Riku. He squared off his shoulders and walked over to the tree. He scaled it easily and jumped in the open window, spotting Riku on the bed.
Riku looked up as soon as he heard the rustling of the leaves. There he was, the object of his thoughts, dripping wet with a determined expression on his face. He sighed. He had to do what he had to do.
Standing up, Riku walked slowly over to Sora. He stopped when he was a few inches away. "I need to see something," he murmured softly.
Sora cocked his head to the side, but nevertheless stayed quiet. Riku leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss. He felt the older boy wrap his arms around his waist immediately, and only then did he start to respond. The kiss continued to grow; from tender to passionate to downright urgent. Sora felt himself clinging to the other, wishing, hoping, PRAYING that this wouldn't end.
~How does he make me feel this way?~
Sora began walking towards the bed - Riku still in his desperate embrace - when the kiss was stopped abruptly. Slightly caught off guard, Sora locked eyes with Riku and began to ask what was wrong, but what he saw in Riku's eyes stunned him into silence. His eyes were widened in realization, and the once sea green eyes darkened with fear. The fear took Sora by surprise, but it was the type of fear that shocked him the most.
Riku looked terrified.
From that simple look, Sora felt the familiar sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
^*^
Finished! This chapter was basically Riku & Sora-centric to show you all how they really feel about what happened. I hope this answers some, if not many, questions you guys might have. The next chapter will also be an explanation chapter except it's Taiyou & Kairi-centric, then the angst will die down slightly and romance will spring up. Seeing as this is a romance/angst story, the angst will be back.
One more thing: We have just scratched the surface of Riku and Sora's past.
Please review. Constructive criticism welcome.
~MercuryGoddess~