Fan Fiction ❯ Twisted Futurity ❯ This Constant Apprehension Steady Giving Me Away ( Chapter 2 )

AN: Some of you people need to calm the fuck down. Look, Link is NOT GAY. How many times do I have to fucking tell you SHEIK IS A FUCKING GIRL?! Link only THINKS he's a guy. He is not gay. He's not even bi-curious; he's just horny, and if you stick around long enough, in a few chapters you'll find out why, if it's not obvious to you already. Now shut the fuck up about it; the next reviewer that asks me a question or leaves me a statement pertaining to "Is Link gay/bi?" in any way, shape, form or fashion is going to get a thorough, written beat-down, and it will be posted for all to see, point and laugh at. Next time read the fucking fine print. I clearly stated in the summery that this deals with the mating patterns of elves/Hyrulians, as well as in the forward and the author's notes for the first chapter, PLUS they also explained that this is a HET ONLY FIC! God gave you common sense. Please use it.

Now, onto other things.

This chapter is written mostly from memory with the help of various guidebooks, so if I get some of the rooms wrong, don't jump down my throat like everyone did when they thought Link was gay. It is just a fanfic people. Calm down.

I should probably warn you that this chapter is a bit creepy and weirder than normal. Oh look. I just did.

The Legend of Zelda: Twisted Futurity

This Constant Apprehension Steady Giving Me Away

Two

Main Objectives: Complete the Forest Temple

Side Quests: none

Extras: none

He moved like a cat.

Link had to admit he was having a hard time keeping up with Sheik; the younger boy was so limber and flexible. Not that Link wasn't, but with the latter it was almost scary. The way he moved was unreal; he covered distances as swiftly as a rabbit, but he was not even half as noisy, his footsteps so silent that even the elf was having a hard time hearing them. He was stealthy, quick, and instinctively resourceful. It made Link think that not only had Sheik known the land well, but he'd traveled it hundreds of times over; he knew just where to step, just where to land, just how to land. It was almost like watching a shadow, and for Link, it was doubly exciting.

Reaching the Kokiri forest, Link immediately noticed something was wrong. The entire atmosphere was completely off. He stopped in his tracks, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Something was so DEFINATELY wrong. The forest didn't even look the same anymore; the lighting was completely off. It was cloudy, yet it was still as if the light to the sun was trying to force itself through the gloom somehow. The soil had become hard, a disgusting contrast to the rich lushness of seven years before. Then it was black, soft like carpet, rich with minerals and life. Now it was the same neglected brown as the soil in front of the Temple of Time, cracked severely from lack of moisture and care. Even the trees had lost their luster- even though the leaves were still green and the bark was still brown, they didn't have the same magical shine or appeal they used to. Everything was grim. No one was even outside. It was almost dead quiet.

That is, until Sheik screamed.

It shattered the silence in an almost forbidden nature. There was something terribly off about that scream, but Link didn't register that until later. Instinctively he drew his sword, turning in his companion's direction, watching as he just barely dodged the attack of a Deku Baba. Those nasty little weeds would eat anything, but they really craved live flesh. Fortunately it shouldn't take much to kill them, now that he and his equipment was bigger.

Link snickered. Bigger equipment.

Shaking out of the trance of his personal joke, Link came back to reality just in time to see Sheik throw something down the plant's throat, spraying blood everywhere. It screeched horribly before withering into nothingness. Both boys waited for a moment before the youngest one moved forward to retrieve the item he'd thrown-a a mid-sized throwing star (shuriken). Muscles were rippling underneath the younger boy's clothes, muscles Link didn't know had existed until now. He smirked, watching Sheik glance around for anymore enemies that might decide to have him for lunch. He was built almost as beautifully as the Hero himself.

Almost. Link was still a god; no one could surpass his beauty. But his new masked friend could give him a run for his money; he was definitely something to be admired.

"Those must only pop out when you work up a sweat," Link noted, eyes traveling over Sheik's body slow enough to make the other boy visibly uncomfortable. "So if we fuck, what else is gonna surprise me?"

"You're so full of it," Sheik responded, narrowing glistening ruby red eyes.

"And I'm saving it all for you," he assured him, giving him a half-grin.

Sheik rolled his eyes, wanting desperately for Link to stop drooling over him like his next meal. He wished he could cover more of himself, but even that wouldn't stop the Hero of Time from gawking at him. And he was shameless about it too; he might as well have just started humping his leg like a dog in heat. The Sheikah raised his fingers up to his mask, something he only did when he was nervous, relieved that it was still in place and no harm had come to it. Then he turned, and without his charge's consent, made his way up to the entrance to the Lost Forest.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Link never understood why they called it the Lost Forest. It was nearly impossible to get lost in. And how the hell did Sheik know where he was going? Or was he just running away from the Hero's advances like the little sissy he was.

Damn he wanted to fuck him.

The sea of raging hormones demanded that he take what he wanted-that's how he'd been taught after all. Kokiri Forest was one huge orgy-people trading off partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, doing it whenever and with whatever/whoever they wanted to. Some people would call that disgusting, but Link called it Heaven. That's the way he had been taught-act on your instincts, your urges. And right now with Sheik's scent trailing in the wind and driving him completely mad, Link's instincts and urges were telling him the grab the other boy, slam him into the wall, tear off his clothes and fuck the hell out of him. Even the thought was making him hard. Just his luck that Sheik would stop in mid-leap, forcing Link to slam into him. Sheik yelped; in turn Link groaned at the yelp, wondering if he'd sound like that once he entered him, then regained his composure and glared. "What the fucking hell…?!"

"You're not going anywhere!" a tiny, grating voice answered his unvoiced question from in front of the shorter boy. Link resisted the urge to wrap his arms around Sheik's waist and sniff his hair; his sickeningly sweet scent was everywhere, and it was making blood rush to all the right places.

"Move it short stuff," Link responded, glaring at the small child standing in front of them. Damn, he was ugly. It almost ruined his high. There was only one person ugly like that in the entire Forest…besides the Skull Kids. No, he was even uglier than the Skull Kids, and damn, those were some ugly kids. "Mido, goddamnit, move out of the way before I ruin that pretty face of yours." He resisted the urge to shudder, and even Sheik looked back at him as if to say 'Pretty? Do you need your eyes fixed lover?'

Ahaha. Lover.

"How do you know my name??" Mido demanded, glaring up at the clearly taller elf.

"My middle finger remembers you clearly from the last time we had this interaction," Link responded matter-of-factly. "Let's see if you can spot it in a line up." Here he wrapped his arms around Sheik's waist just barely, startling the younger boy greatly. Link smirked, pulling him back towards him, in order to get a thrill from that scent of his, before holding up both his middle fingers for Mido to see. "Ok, which one is the culprit?" he questioned, his tone mild. "Take your time, and think really, really hard."

"Fuck you," Mido spat, causing Link to drop his hand signals.

"Sorry," he apologized, resting teasing fingers on his new pet's waist as he bent down to kiss his neck. "I'm spoken for. And isn't he beautiful? I love his ass," he commented shamelessly.

Sheik growled loudly in response, causing Link to laugh. Mido's already ugly face turned green, making him even less attractive than before. "That's so disgusting."

"Now, now," Link tsked, shaking his head. "I seem to remember not to long ago you tried to rape a cute little boy just about your height just because he had no faerie."

"I was drunk!" Mido nearly screamed, eyes crossed in anger. Then his eyes widened to the size of stars as he exclaimed "How did you know that??"

"That's my little secret," Link confirmed, winking at him. "Now move it or lose it. And when I say it, I mean it."

Mido stood his ground firmly, trying to suppress the urge to puke from the sight of two guys cuddling in front of him. That was just creepy. "Saria told me not to let anyone past."

"Well, there's your problem," Link sighed, reaching behind him to grip his Master Sword. "See, I'm not just anyone. I'm someone. With a really huge sword." Here he pulled out his weapon, his third prized possession on this quest, the second being his other sword, and the first being his face, of course. "And really big swords harm really little people very quickly, and very effortlessly. Chances are before you even notice you're bleeding it'll be at your feet, and I'll be miles inside of the Lost Forest."

Mido gulped, eyes fixed on the Master Sword in fear. "…Saria's gonna kill me…" But he wasn't gonna die when either way this freak was going to get into the Lost Forest. He calmly moved aside.

"See?" Link grinned, putting his sword away with the same ease he unsheathed it. "That wasn't so hard was it?" That wasn't, but he was, and he knew Sheik could feel it. He was so tense in his arms; he needed to learn to lighten up. Like he'd never had an erection before.

He wouldn't put it past him.

The second he let his little captive go, the younger boy was off like a shot, with Link following closely. All this exertion was getting him worked up, chasing after something they both knew he already had. Still, he never minded a good game of hard to get, especially when being hard led to him getting laid.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Once they reached the maze Sheik lost his little suitor for a moment, jumping up onto the maze wall and following it all the way to the entrance of the Forest Temple. He had one advantage over Link: speed and agility. Ok, that was two. But he was very grateful for those two. Being that close to him was making him sweat; he needed some time to cool off. Damn Link for being so damn provocative. Damn him for being so sexy, so witty, so hard. Yes, he felt that. That was disturbing, not the action itself but the fact that someone was attracted to him like that. He reached up to grope his mask, satisfied that it was still on his face. It relieved some of the pressure on him, but not all. He knew just where to go, though, to straighten out his thoughts. Maybe he just needed a little time out from the Hero for a while.

He jumped the next wall, landing perfectly in the center of the hole he was trying to reach, which transported him to a small faerie fountain. Faeries always made Sheik feel better, albeit their chatter was sometimes a bit stupid and aimless. It was the cool, calming atmosphere of the fountain that soothed his frayed nerves, the pure scent of fountain water surrounded in familiar magic that made him dream of home.

"Boo."

He nearly jumped out of his skin.

Before he could even look startled though, he found himself pinned to the wall of the fountain, crushed between something hard and something harder. He cried out, trying to push against what was in front of him but that only made it worse. He tried to reach behind him but his wrists were immobile, pinned to the wall by rough but knowing fingers. He looked up to see-who else?-Link.

"What'd you think I couldn't keep up with you?" the Hero grinned, tossing wild, perfect blonde hair from his face. "I've got a few tricks of my own."

"Get off of me," Sheik muttered, trying to struggle but finding it fruitless. Link was so much stronger than him, so much stronger, so much taller, and so much prettier. That's what made the younger boy angry-he was undoubtedly attracted to him, no matter how much he tried to not admit it.

"Stop fucking around!" Sheik hissed, glaring at his captor sternly. "We have to get to the Temple!"

"Mmm, you said fuck," Link moaned, pressing into him even more. Sheik's voice wasn't his own anymore; he swallowed a whimper, opened up his mouth to scream and instead wound up groaning loudly in undeniable pleasure. "Funny, you read my mind."

"….Please," he mumbled, almost pleading. "We…we have to…"

"You smell so good," Link whispered against his neck, his breath making the little acrobat's hair stand on end. "What is that? It's driving me mad."

What smell? He barely heard a word he was saying; his knees were turning into jelly and he was trying so hard to keep standing on two feet and at the same time, fight off his captivator, who, at the moment, was nipping promisingly at his neck. He fought back a whimper, trying to keep his focus only on his legs, trying desperately to stop them from caving in up under him. "Please…oh gods…" Oh dear gods, did he just say that?? What the hell was wrong with him?! Temple, Sheik! Get back to the Temple! Yes, back to the Temple, which would still be standing when this was over. No, go to the Temple now. Now as in after this is over. This was getting too confusing for emotions. Hell, when something gets confusing, drop it.

Unless that something is reaching for your mask.

Delicate fingers were trailing around the back of his head, trying to find a way to get it off. Sheik became alarmed out of instinct, wondering how he was going to get out of this without hurting himself; Link had him pressed so firmly against the wall. If only one of his hands were free…

His prayer was answered shortly before Link found the secret to taking off his mask. Slowly he released the other of Sheik's wrists to bring the younger boy closer to his body. Since his other wrist was already free, Sheik pushed away from Link rather gently and used the newfound space between them to slip away. Before Link could even register what happened, Sheik was gone again, frantically heading towards the Forest Temple. He thought he could lose Link in his moment of awe in the trick he just pulled, but with each step he heard Link behind him, getting closer and closer. Sheik's instincts and actions weren't fast enough to lose the Hero this time. It seemed like nothing was.

There was a monster near the steps that led up to the Forest Temple with a huge club. Whenever he pounded the ground with it debris would fly towards you, hitting you with such force that no matter how close or far away you were, you always flew right back to the steps leading up to the temple. Sheik was experienced enough to handle this monster with little difficulty; as soon as he swung his club, the athlete jumped over the debris, planting his feet on the wall. He continued running horizontally, and just as he was parallel with the monster, hurled three stars at his head, not even pausing to watch where they landed. He trusted his aim just that much, and satisfied with the dead thud of the monster's body, kept moving towards the entrance of the Temple.

The same thing happened with the Wolfos; they tried to attack, but Sheik's aim was too deadly, and his reflexes were too quick. He was up in the tree and inside of the Temple before their bodies even landed. There, in the center of the hallway, he paused for a break, hoping that since he didn't hear Link anymore that meant he'd lost him.

Wrong move.

A shadow hung solemnly over him, alerting him of appending danger, but not nearly quick enough; it was upon him in less than a second, clawing and biting desperately at his face. Sheik stumbled backward, feeling a foreign substance cover his body, sticky beyond belief. For a few seconds Sheik's only concern was getting away, but he couldn't seem to until strong hands pulled him out of his attacker's grasp, holding fast as Sheik tried to regain his composure. Once he did, he opened his eyes, finding himself not only shaking, but once again up against the wall, and covered in spider web silk. He looked back, finding a giant Skulltula hanging from the ceiling, hissing at him warningly. A spider. Sheik shivered violently, backing away almost instinctively. He hated spiders.

"Easy beautiful," a calm voice addressed him. The boy began desperately trying to pull the web off; the very presence of it was making his skin crawl. Anything with more than 6 legs-no, 4-was just unholy and needed to burn forever in the fiery pits of Death Mountain.

"Easy Sheik," it said again, causing him to sigh in frustration. It was everywhere, in his hair, all over his body, on his face. He tore the remainder of it off the latter, feeling it sting as it pulled away small pieces of his flesh, the cool air stinging the small wound. Fuck, of all the places to get injured, why did one of them have to be his face?

"Let me see," Link prodded, reaching to take off his mask. Sheik whimpered, trying to draw away, but the web on his body was making him stick to the wall. He tried to protest verbally; however, the mask was off before he even got that far. Sheik stared in morbid fear at the taller boy standing in front of him, watching as Link leaned in closely, peering at either him, the wounds on his face, or both. His breath hitched in his throat, and for the longest time, he did absolutely nothing.

"You'll be fine," Link announced at length, running his fingers over the injury carefully. "It's just a flesh wound. …You can breathe now," he added, a hint of amusement in his voice. Sheik exhaled slowly, still wondering why they were so close. "What, did you think I was going to bite you or something?" the Hero laughed. "That comes later." The rest of Sheik's breath came out in a burst of relief. "For now…I'm just going to kiss you," he continued softly, eyes glazing over lustfully.

He froze.

Link licked his lips hungrily, and, cupping Sheik's chin delicately in one hand, leaned in and kissed him. At first it was just a short press, which Sheik thought he could deal with. But the second kiss involved a flick of the tongue, which made him not only weak in the knees, but also, at the same time, extremely uncomfortable. Link purred low in his throat, his vibrations racking the smaller boy's body, telling him to relax. How he got that out of a purr he'd never know, and how Link actually managed a purr he'd really never know, but he did as instructed, relaxing underneath his advances.

He'd seen this done before, but was hesitant as to whether or not he should do it, since it seemed so gross at the time.. Link was desperately trying to get him to open his mouth to him, running his tongue teasingly over his lips, putting just the right amount of pressure against his mouth. Finally Sheik gave in, parting his lips just wide enough to let his tongue slide through. Then he nearly died.

Taking into consideration Sheik had never done this before, it was quite enjoyable, and not as gross at it looked with he saw it done before. It was warm, and wet, and slightly ticklish, what with Link playing with his tongue and all. He fought back a giggle, moaning instead, wondering how long it'd take him to get the hang of it before he could kiss Link back in the same manner.

As it turned out, not long at all.

With Sheik now participating it became twice as fun. Link's purring got louder, racking the smaller boy's body, begging him for something more than just a kiss. He pressed against him, wanting him to feel exactly what this contact was doing to him, wanting to take it further, but Sheik wasn't ready for that. He pulled away. Kissing was fine and all, but sex…sex was something entirely different that he wasn't about to get into, especially in the middle of the Forest Temple. For one, it was unsanitary, and for two…well it was just wrong. Still he felt heat rise to his face at the thought of Link actually wanting to do that with him. Yes a lot of men had been attracted to him, but this was the first time that he shared the attraction with them.

Link traced virgin lips with soft, heated fingers, licking the taste of Sheik off of his own. "…I think I've figured you out," he announced softly, drawing back a bit to give Sheik breathing space.

"…Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're a virgin."

Sheik felt himself turning even redder, but accepted his mask back with a mountain of relief as the Hero handed it to him. Thank gods that's all he figured out.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

At first Link couldn't stand the dungeons that he had to do to get through his quest. The Dodongo's Cavern was wretched-little exploding monsters running at a 7 year old kid would leave a bad impression on anyone. Lord Jabu Jabu's mouth should've been padlocked shut, because if those were the things that went on in his body, then nobody should be exposed to that. Being electrocuted by curious jellyfish just wasn't fun. And the Deku Tree was traumatizing-for the longest while, he thought he'd killed it, even though it was so obvious to him (now that he was older) that he didn't. But after the last one, he kind of got used to hacking and slicing up things in pure self-defense. Not knowing where you were going could be fun; the hard part was endurance. You had to be patient. It was very likely for you to run yourself in circles numerous times, even if you had the map and compass, so you had to remember where you've been in order to remember where to go. It was like being inside of a giant puzzle. The worst thing about it was in the dungeons, time stood still. You could stay in there for all eternity and when you come out it'd be just like you were never in there in the first place. Not only that, but your body stopped aging. You never got tired. After a while you lost your sense of time-the only thing on your mind is to get out.

The first room they came into had three more doors positioned individually on each wall; in the center was an elevator lit by four torches positioned in four corners of an invisible square. Link took a step towards it, but right away four ugly Poe beasts appeared out of nowhere, using their magic to put out the torches. The elevator sank into the ground below, along with the laughing Poes. Link growled, closing his great, dramatic eyes, which in the shadows cast slivers of gray over his pure skin. They'd have to relight those torches obviously, but how?

"…I fucking hate puzzles," he muttered, glancing at three out of his four options.

Sheik stared. When and how the hell did three different doors start qualifying as a puzzle?

"Stay here," the elf commanded, pulling out his sword. "I'll be back in a little while."

Sheik blinked. He couldn't possibly be serious. It was dark in here, and cold, and shady. There was a spider in the hallway, one big enough to swallow his entire body and still have room for one more person. There were probably bats flying around too and other things that crept into your dreams, turning them into nightmares. Sheik's eyes widened as he started towards the door straight ahead. "You can't just leave me here!" he gasped, darting to catch up with the hero. "I'm supposed to be helping you!"

"You're helping me by staying here," Link frowned, glancing back at his companion. "I don't need anyone freaking out at the sight of anything that crawls, or running off like a girl when I need them most, and I certainly don't need anyone else to worry about."

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself," the younger boy snapped, forcing his stride to match Link's in order to keep up with him. "And I'm more than a valuable asset to you; I have skills you as the Hero of time will never possess."

"You know, you're right," Link agreed, stopping short of the first door. "I've never met anyone who cowered at the sight of a spider."

Sheik growled loudly in response. "Like you're not scared of anything!"

"The only thing I'm scared of is a chick in guys' clothing. There's something so, so wrong with that."

Sheik suddenly looked very uncomfortable in front of the other blonde. Link sighed heavily. "Look, you can come," he promised, reaching for the doorknob. "But if you flake out on me one time I'm going to have to kill you."

Sheik's eyes returned to normal, glaring icily at the Hyrulian. "At the end of this Temple you're going to…"

"Flake out on me and die," Link responded, cutting him off as he opened the door. "It's as simple as that."

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

The main objective of all dungeons was to find the treasure. Link could care less about the map, the compass and the Big Key. Unfortunately, they were all linked to the treasure. Without the compass he wouldn't know where anything was. Without the map he had a good chance of being lost, and without the Big Key, he couldn't get his Heart Container. He didn't exactly know why but he loved those things. They made him feel stronger; whenever he touched them, he became filled with their magic. It was like eating 3 pounds of sugar-so filled with life, so energetic. Plus they were really cute. Too bad they disappeared when he touched them; he'd love to just hug one. Maybe even lick it.

Oooh, there was a treasure box on the ceiling. Now how did that get there?

"LINK!"

Link was thrown to the floor suddenly; it took almost every instinct in him to avoid hitting his face. He rolled over onto his side, glaring up at Sheik just in time to watch him toss five shuriken up at the ceiling. Before the puzzled bystander could ask the reason for wasting five perfectly good, pointy, sharp objects, a shadow fell over Link. On instinct he rolled out of the way, just in time for a giant hand to land right in the middle of where he was. He scampered up, pulling out his sword. Dismembered body parts functioning fully without the aide of a brain was scary. Evil dismembered body parts functioning fully without the aide of a brain was just wrong. His blade was happy to put the creature out of its misery, and he was happy to drive it in.

Blood spurted out of the monster, onto the floor. Link drove the sword deeper into its charred, black flesh, taking a moment to watch it squirm painfully while impaled on his weapon. Its nails raked across the floor in pure agony; Link twisted the sword, watching it spasm, a sick gleam of pleasure lighting up in his shadow-haunted eyes before it went still.

The sword was coated in blood. Link pulled it out of his victim slowly, taking a moment to examine the red, to admire the way it stained the hard stone floor. Sheik watched with disgusted awe; Link's matter of slaughter was sadistic. Not only did he kill instinctively, but he caused pain before he put his victim out of his misery. He liked to see them squirm, to see the life fade out of them. He was quick about it if the situation called for it, but he could tell the other blonde preferred to enjoy his killings. He sheathed his sword, then turned to Sheik purposefully. "We're not getting done fast enough," he announced flatly. "We need to split up; we'll cover more ground."

"We don't even have the compass," Sheik disagreed. "Or the Big Key, or the treasure."

"Splitting up will cover more ground," Link said again, quite patiently.

"You can't walk through a dungeon ill-equipped!" Sheik's voice level was starting to rise. "That's completely ludicrous!"

The elf narrowed his eyes. "What'd you just call me?"

Sheik sighed, rephrasing his words carefully. "It's out of the question. We'll get more done if we stay together!" In truth, Sheik had never been through a real dungeon before-at least not all the way through one. He felt a level of security with the other boy that he'd never felt with anyone else. He wasn't prepared for all the twists and turns this dungeon offered-he wasn't anywhere near as adaptable as his companion, and being close to Link made him feel like they had a good chance of making it out of there in tact. Besides, they worked good together. And Link was kind of cute. …Did he say cute or boot? Link was kind of boot? That didn't make any sense. Sheik blinked suddenly, shaking himself out of his trance. The Hero of Time's lips were moving but he wasn't saying anything. "…What'd you just say?"

"Weren't you listening?!" Link snapped, glaring down at the smaller boy.

"Why would I ask what you said if I heard what you said already?!" Sheik snapped back.

Link started towards the ladder that led up to a platform which in turn led to the exit. "I don't have time to baby-sit," he said quite frankly in response. "I've got better things to do." Like kill things. Or finally find a way to hug his Heart Container without it disappearing on him. Or kill things while hugging a Heart Container-now that sounded fun.

Before he realized what he was doing, Sheik reached out and grabbed the other boy's wrist, gripping tightly. It wasn't an angry gesture, or a demanding one; his grip was tight, but fearful somehow. Fearful, yet needing. Link paused, turning to face the smaller boy. His gaze darted to the floor, embarrassment shining in his young, inexperienced eyes for a moment before looking back up at his prisoner. "Don't leave."

Curiosity made Link resist the urge to pull away from him. "…Why? What're you, scared?? Haven't you ever been in a dungeon before?!" He certainly fought like he had.

Sheik shook his head. "Yes. I mean no! …I just don't want you to get killed," he doctored quickly, glaring half-heartedly at the young boy. "You're very careless; if that hand would've fallen on you he'd've drained your strength to the bare minimum and taken you back to the beginning of the dungeon. Then you'd have to start all over again, which would set us both back, because I'd have to wander through this place trying to find you." Nice recovery.

Link smirked. "And it'd make you feel better to watch over me," he finished knowingly.

Sheik's glare got stronger, annoyance creeping into his voice. "It's my job isn't it??"

"Fine," Link sighed, twisting out of the other boy's grasp. "We'll stay together."

The Sheikah sighed with relief, unbeknownst to him and to the amusement of Link. "Thank you."

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Once Link found the bow and arrow, it was all over.

He'd gotten rather shot-happy then; it nearly replaced his sword. The bow gave him the advantage of defeating his enemies from far away, and was just as cruel of a weapon as the sword. He often used it to pin his enemies to the wall, watching them bleed helplessly to near-death before cutting off their heads during their last breaths. Both of their clothes were stained in blood and vile bodily fluids, but the Hero didn't seem to mind-in fact, he made it seem natural. So Sheik just followed suit, ignoring the rank smell the remains were leaving on him. The minute they got out of here, he was taking a bath.

However, something good did come of it all. In the room where the ceiling fell down on them repeatedly., their only refuse were small holes in the ceiling that they could stand under so as not to be crushed. Unknowingly to either of them, most of those holes were guarded by Big Skulltulas-a.k.a. giant spiders of man-eating doom and Sheik's worst fear. Sheik was attacked by two, and nearly got crushed by the ceiling because of panicking; Link had to snatch him out of harm's way at least three times in that room. The little warrior was jelly by the time they got to the exit-petrified, shaking and on the verge of tears. He didn't just have a fear of spiders-he had a mortal terror of them. The only good thing that came out of that room was at the exit. Link's comforting arms wrapped around him tightly, soothing his fears with reassuring purrs and strokes. The older boy smelled so good, a strong, sweet smell, like forest pine, dew, dirt and wet leaves all rolled into one, with a teasing hint of the mouthwatering smell of a fresh apple orchard in late summer or early autumn. Sheik was jelly by the time they got to the exit, but in Link's arms he forgot all about his terrifying experience, and practically melted.

There was something confusing about that though. How was it that on the one hand Link could be so cruel, so cynical about any and everything, but on the other hand be so gentle with someone he never knew? Maybe he was really a girl with a strange hormonal problem about to come on the rag. Or maybe he realized that Sheik was no good to him terrified. Or maybe he thought Sheik really was a handicap; maybe he felt sorry for him. Or maybe he wanted to get into his pants. Sheik was going to go with the last one, but that didn't stop him from going through other options. For the rest of their time in the dungeon, Sheik stayed close and minded his P's and Q's, wanting to prove that he was quite useful to the Hero. He didn't want to be abandoned again.

He didn't want to hear Link's mouth either.

Now they were in the first room just outside of the entrance, standing on the spot where the elevator had lowered. This was their last stop before the Boss; they only had to light one more torch before they could get to the elevator. Sheik backed up against his companion, watching the Poes surround them both, laughing wickedly. They had to figure out which one was the real one, and the only way to do that was to kill them all. Sheik could feel Link's heartbeat racing through both their backs; his breath tightened in his throat as he aimed for the two Poes directly in front of him. They'd hit her four times already-one more should do the trick. Link was deadly with his aim, and Sheik's aim was equal, if not greater. Yes, he decided, this was the last time. Sheik focused as best he could before tossing his stars; Link fired, watching the arrow go straight through the Poe sister's eye. The three of them disappeared. The last one was the real Poe.

Like the other Poes, this one started backing away, waving her arms frantically as if to tell them she meant them no harm. Link took careful aim for the sister, closing his right eye. He let go, releasing his arrow, but the Poe sister dodged it, taking it in her left arm. She screeched, charging for them, waving her torch around madly. Why she wouldn't die, Sheik had no idea, but he didn't have time to wonder. He jumped out of the way of the Poe's attack, snatching the arrow out of her arm quickly, and planting it in the back of her head just as easily. She shrieked, falling to the floor, and was mercilessly impaled to the carpet by the one and only Master Sword. She twitched under the blade helplessly, her breath coming out in gurgled spurts. Black began to bleed into the carpet. Link watched, amused as usual, before grabbing Sheik by the wrist and pulling him back. The Sheikah looked up, and was met with one command: "Run."

He made sure he was on the other side of the room when it happened.

Something exploded, shaking the floor. Little bits of Poe and splatters of black Poe blood rained everywhere. Bits of bones were all over, falling from the ceiling like old plaster. Sheik coughed from the smell of death mixed with the dust of the remains and looked back, only to see a very amused Link on the verge of laughing hysterically. Sheik journeyed back over to the Hero slowly, wondering what he was trying not to laugh at. A Poe just exploded. How was that funny?

"I've always wanted to do that," Link revealed, grinning wickedly.

Of course it was funny when you're a sick, twisted bastard who's been cooped up for seven years in a column of light.

"You blew up a Poe?!" Sheik wasn't sure if he was shocked or angry. "That was a waste of a perfectly good bomb!"

"But it was fun!" Link laughed hysterically.

"You are so fucking immature!" Sheik scoffed in disgust.

"Come on, you know it was funny," Link grinned slyly, his perfect lips curled into a vicious half-smirk.

No it wasn't. "How is death funny?!"

Link blinked. "How is it not?"

"The loss of life is never funny," Sheik grimaced, overwhelmed suddenly by the dark behavior of the elf. "Even if it's an enemy."

"I disagree," Link replied as the elevator rose up. "If it's an enemy it's even funnier."

The smaller boy's eyes reflected his obvious anger and frustration with the situation. "I don't get you," he brooded, following his companion onto the elevator.

Link grinned promisingly at the other boy, tracing his fingers delicately over his covered lips. "Don't worry, precious. You will soon enough."

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Last stop before the end.

Sheik followed Link up some stairs into a room surrounded by ugly, tasteless paintings, all of the same scene: a forest road with ample vegetation around it. Red rope and stone wall barred their way every way except at the stairs. It was dead quiet. Sheik wondered if something was about to happen; Link suddenly looked very tense, staring at each of the paintings cautiously as if they held some vile evil, or his mother-in-law. But for an eternity, nothing happened.

Finally, Link gestured towards the stairs. "Wait downstairs," he ordered.

Sheik was all too happy this time around; he didn't like the feeling emanating from this room. It was the kind of feeling you got when eating with your husband's in-laws, only the pain and creepiness was much more excruciating. He turned to leave, and as he did, a tall gate erupted in front of the stairs, disrupting the silence of the room. Sheik backed into Link instinctively, knowing that they were nearly out of options. They were trapped.

Sheik glanced around cautiously, wondering what this temple had in store for the both of them. Between Wallmasters, mad, cackling, cross-dressing Poes, giant, man-eating spiders, collapsing ceilings, skeleton warriors, twisting corridors, flying skulls, hungry plants and Link's twisted thirst for blood, Sheik couldn't possibly understand how this situation could get any worse.

Shadows peeled themselves off the walls, gathering together in the center of the room to form a shape that was unfamiliar at first. Link watched, his eyes focused intently on the solidifying of the shadows. Sheik turned around for a better view, making sure to keep very close to Link. Fingers formed first, flesh forming over the shadows, crawling up the shadowed shape smoothly. Features became more defined as the seconds went on-chest, thighs, legs, feet; mouth, nose, eyes…

"It's Ganonshit," Link hissed, drawing his sword.

Sheik shot Link a glare in passing, before staring up at their foe. That wasn't Ganondorf; he would know.

"What the fuck…" Link snapped, listening to him laugh triumphantly. "What're you laughing at, gruesome?"

"For seven years, I've waited to see if the holder of the third piece of Triforce would surface," Ganon announced, glaring down at Link. "And now here he is, ready to give it up to me."

"Ugh, you're sick!!" Link exclaimed in pure disgust. "My asshole is an exit, pal, not an entrance!"

Ganon laughed that annoying laugh of evil triumph again. "You were just as amusing then as you are now. I meant the Triforce, you incompetent twit. Once I shred the flesh from your bones, I'll finally possess the power that lies dormant inside you."

"You wish," Link snorted, smirking. "My dick stays in my pants."

Sheik groaned internally. Link was so blonde.

He turned his attention to Ganondorf, who was hovering a good fifteen feet in the air. Sheik had been in Ganondorf's presence before; he knew exactly how overwhelming his power was. This was not him. Of course with Gannon's power it would be easy to make clones of yourself, or…Sheik's eyes traveled over his form curiously, ending fifteen feet below, on the floor. That's when he realized what was wrong: Ganondorf had no shadow. That meant he wasn't real, just like he thought; meaning he was a clone, or if it was at all possible, a shadow. A phantom.

"Link," Sheik whispered, tickling the elf's ear. "He has no shadow."

Link's ear twitched, sensitive to his companion's breath. He heard what he said, but it wasn't making any sense. "You can whisper sweet nothings in my ear later, precious," he responded, half smirking, not taking his eyes off the shadow of Ganondorf.

"No!" Sheik hissed in agitation. "Link, he's not real!" He was so full of shit sometimes.

Link blinked. That wasn't really helping him right now.

"We'll see how you make out against the powers of the shadows!" Phantom Ganon laughed maniacally.

"What IS it with you and sex?!" Link scoffed, bracing himself for the worse.

Sheik had to pause then, to roll his eyes. Pot, kettle, black.

A horse cantered out of one of the paintings, half-eaten away with the corrosion of death and decay. Phantom Ganon mounted him easily, grinning down at his victims before riding off into another painting. For a while there was silence.

Link swore, glancing from painting to painting almost frantically. He didn't like being ambushed. He liked to be in control, especially in battle. He had to have some kind of advantage over his enemy in order to feel secure. No advantage equaled frustrated Link. Frustrated Link equaled angry Link. And angry Link equaled…well…you get the picture.

They heard Ganon's laugh just before he trampled over them, the horse's hooves pounding into their heads mercilessly, knocking them to the floor. Link groaned, feeling blood drip down his flawless face. It took him a minute to recover; a blow to the head wasn't an easy injury to get over. He sat up, or at least tried, before being knocked to the door by the horse once again. This time his nose was the victim, blood spurting forth like a fountain, staining his tunic. If he didn't thing of something soon he was going to die from head trauma, or worse, he'd die with a ruined face.

Gannondyke had to go.

Link didn't sit up; he pretended to be unconscious. He heard the sounds of Ganon and Sheik doing battle, but he didn't want to give away his position. Right now unconsciousness was his only advantage over the situation. It gave him time to think and come up with a decent plan.

Yes, he could think.

He reflected back on what Sheik said earlier when his breathing tickled his ultra-sensitive ears. Ganondorf wasn't real. But that was impossible, because that would mean his horse wasn't real either, and from the injuries he'd received, it was very safe to say that they were very real. It was impossible for you to bleed if something was "all in your head." Maybe Sheik meant it in a different way though. Maybe he meant it wasn't the real Ganondorf; after all, he had no shadow. But none of this was helping.

The Phantom rode in and out of paintings. The roads must've led somewhere, but where? Link groaned internally. That didn't matter really. The only thing that mattered was trying not to ruin his face anymore than he already had. Ganon was going too fast for him to fight him, and Sheik wasn't having the best of luck. Link forced himself to focus only on his plan. What's the easiest way to defeat an enemy?

Take away his weapon.

In this case, Ganon had two: his horse and the paintings. Well, the paintings were more of an escape route than a weapon, but...

The paintings.

Link opened his eyes just in time to watch Sheik slide across the floor, his face etched with pain. Phantom Ganon was riding into one of the paintings again. Link waited until he was on the road before pulling out a bomb and hurling it at the painting. The bomb dropped to the floor, just underneath his target. Link scampered over to Sheik just in time to shield him from the coming explosion. The walls rattled a bit but nothing major happened. Link looked back to survey his handiwork, grinning almost wickedly as the painting went up like paper in the flames of the explosion. One down, five more to go.

He didn't have time to move Sheik out of the way like he wanted to; Ganon was coming back through one of the paintings. Link worked quickly, planting a bomb under that painting first, and when it had been destroyed, he then circled the room planting bombs. The last painting was the one Sheik was under; he had to move him out of the way while at the same time tossing a bomb and making sure that Ganon wouldn't come through his last entrance into the real world. He heard his enemy's screams of hatred and curses as he promised to kill the Hero and all that other cliché madness. But he was trapped in a world that had no roads leading in or out of it, so he really couldn't make good on those promises. Link chalked one up to the win column for him.

Now came his favorite part.

Abandoning Sheik, he walked past the column of blue light protruding out of the floor that led out of the dungeon. He only wanted one thing at the moment: his heart container.

They were so cute and red and adorable. He wanted to hug one, but every time he touched one, it disappeared. What fun was a temporary high if you couldn't keep reliving it? But maybe this time would be different. Link poised himself, waiting for the precise moment to grab his prize. And waited. And stalked around it for a few moments, sizing up its position. And waited some more. And waited. And waited. And waited. And…

"Link," a soft voice giggled as the blue light in the middle of the room got brighter. "You still love those things, don't you?"

Saria?

He turned around, her pretty smile greeting him warmly like it always did. He grinned back, rolling his eyes. "They're so cute," he couldn't help exclaiming.

"You've always liked them," she nodded. "Ever since you were little. Remember the heart container plushie you slept with?"

"Crimsy Lubbish?" he blinked. "Whatever happened to it?" He couldn't go to sleep without cuddling it.

"It's here," she announced, pulling it out from behind her. "I kept it as a reminder of you. I needed something to keep me strong. You disappeared. Ganon took over. I thought that I'd never-"

"CRIMSY!" Link squealed, snatching his plushie from his best friend. "OH HOW I MISSED YOU! Lookit you! Oh you're so cute and fluffy!" He pressed it to his face, sniffing it happily. "And you still smell like strawberries and cream!"

Saria giggled, amused.

"Who's the cutest plushie in the whole wide world?!" Link went on, hugging his plushie tightly. "That's right Crimsy! You are! Oh yes you are! Oh yes you are!!"

Saria raised an eyebrow. He was squealing. How disturbing.

She cleared her throat, a green light descending from the ceiling. "I still love you Link," she announced, the light forming a dark green medallion in front of her. "I always have, and I always will. Because of this, I will use my powers as the Sage of Forest to help you defeat Ganonfart."

Link laughed, snuggling his plushie happily. "That's cute, Saria."

"Yes, well, a bit of you rubbed off on me," she admitted, smiling sheepishly. "And that part of you will stay with me forever."

"…It's not a missing part of Crimsy is it?" he questioned suspiciously, looking over his plushie carefully. "Because if you harmed him, I swear I'll…"

"No harm," she promised, laughing.

"There'd better not be," he warned, glaring at her for emphasis. "I don't care what Sage you are; I'll stomp your ass, shorty."

"No harm," she said again, still laughing. "Oh Link. I wish I could help you more. But you have a great companion in Sheik. Consider this a token of my love. It's all I can do to help you."

The medallion disappeared in a spray of dark green magic, appearing on the handle of his Master Sword, right above the Light Medallion. Link felt the magic fill his body, surrounding him with new strength. He smirked. "Actually, if you really wanna help, you can suck me off," he offered shamelessly. "I haven't had sex in seven years; I'm kind of in a draught right now."

"No."

"Come on!" he practically whined. "You're tall enough."

"No."

"Saria…!"

"Sorry," she smirked, bowing. "I'll due back at the Temple of Sages. But if you ever wanna talk to me, just page me. Good-bye Link." And in the same flash of light, she was gone.

"Fine!" he pouted, hugging his plushie tightly to his chest. "We'll see how I react next time you're feeling hot in the middle of the night! We don't need her, do we Crimsy?" he pouted, burying his face in his plushie to relive the sweet scent of his childhood. "Mmmm…I lubbish my Crimsy Lubbish…"

"…You wanna be alone with your plushie?" Sheik asked, drawing the elf's attention.

Link turned around, sticking out his tongue at Sheik in a gesture of immaturity. "You're just jealous because I've got a plushie. Crimsy," he cooed, rubbing his nose against the plushie affectionately.

"…Seek help," Sheik advised, gripping his wounded arm tightly. "Immediately."

After about 10 more minutes of borderline-makeout with his plushie, Link finally calmed down enough to examine his companion. He was hurt badly. Blood poured from various wounds on his body, the worst one being his arm; the cloth had been shredded, the flesh torn off nearly to the bone in various places. He looked so pitiful, but still retained his calm dignity, like he had through most of the temple. Link put his plushie away and crossed his arms, tapping his foot impatiently. "Well?"

Sheik fixed his glare on the Hero intently. "Well, what?"

"Are you gonna just stand there or are you going to get the heart container so we can leave."

Sheik stumbled over to the shining heart, still dignified. A part of Link was irked by the fact that he had to give away his high, but if it wasn't for Sheik distracting Phantom Ganon, Link would probably be getting ass-raped right now. Or worse, his face would be ruined. Or even worse, he'd be dead with a ruined face. No, this time it was OK to give away the heart container. Sheik had earned it.

Besides, he had Crimsy. What more could he ask for? Well…sex. But other than that, what more could he ask for?