Fan Fiction ❯ Twisted Futurity ❯ They Point the Finger At Me Again ( Chapter 5 )

Special Thanks to: Zaheera for helping me with the names, info and being my beta reader up until this point; Kat, Juni and Griff for being my guinea pigs; Advent Goddess for dedicating a graphics site to Twisted Futurity, and all of my reviewers, supporters and fans who continue to read this fic.

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Authoress's Notes:

The Legend of Zelda: Twisted Futurity

(They Point the Finger At Me Again)

Five

Main Objective: Goron City

Side Quest: adult wallet

Extra: none

"Who is she Link."

It was kind of funny for Malon to be so demanding all of a sudden, especially 5 minutes before he was getting ready to leave. It was even funnier that she thought there was someone on his mind. There was, but he wasn't a female. The only thing on his mind was getting to the Goron Kingdom, to see what was up. Saria may have been a bitch, but she was a helpful one.

"Link."

He waved her off casually while rubbing Epona's face reassuringly. "Not now Red."

She glared, a gesture that made him want to laugh. Was that supposed to be a threat or something? She didn't even look mad-she looked like a wet, lost puppy. It was simply pathetic. "I think I have a right to know."

This time he did laugh.

"What the hell makes you think I'm supposed to tell you what's on my mind 24-7?" he wanted to know. "You're a good fuck, but you're not my sister. What's on my mind is none of your business."

"So that's all I am to you?" she swallowed, her voice etched with pain. "A good fuck?"

They'd had this argument. Why did they keep having this argument? They had it every time he got ready to leave-she always made some unreasonable demand that made him put her back in her place. She was just a fuck. A source of comfort if and when he ever needed it. That was all. And he'd swear she was blonde, because she couldn't seem to get that through her thick skull.

"After all I've done for you, I deserve to know who she is!" she hissed at him. "And don't tell me it's no one-I smell her all over you!"

He laughed again. Elves had an acute sense of smell-he should've known that she would've smelled Sheik all over him. It completely slipped his mind, somewhere between sulking, kicking the crap out of her perverted uncle Ingo, and cheesecake. Mmmm, cheesecake. "Well since you're just dying to know…The `her' you're referring to is actually a `he'."

"You really must think I'm stupid," she accused.

He couldn't help but grin that coy little way he always did when someone had just inadvertently said what he was thinking. "Well, since you're bringing it up…"

"Whoever she is I hope she's worth losing me over," she snapped, turning her back to him.

Link chuckled, shaking his head. "Don't make me listen to this stupid broken record again," he tsked, still rubbing Epona's snout affectionately. "Red, you're a trip. I can't believe you're jealous."

She glanced back at him, her glare getting harder. "Don't I have a right to be?"

"Uh…no."

"I had you first Link."

"Actually Saria did, but that's not…" She growled, so he pretended to take the conversation in another direction. "Look Red, you know nobody can ever replace you. I mean…your chocolate marble cheesecake is so great-the best I ever had. And I don't even eat cheesecake."

Wow, what a compliment. "You're not serious!" she shrieked, pulling her hair in frustration. "That is the only thing you can come up with??"

Link thought for a moment. "…Well, that and I love the way you milk a cow."

"You are such a fucking pervert."

"Aw, see?" he grinned, his gaze clearly teasing her. "It's just stupid to argue with me. You never win." And he left it at that.

She however, wasn't quite finished. "Do you really think I'm that stupid? Link, I don't care how fucking much you love sex, you will never be gay."

"And who said I was gay?" he questioned nonchalantly, mounting Epona with the greatest of ease.

"You just said it was a guy," she reported with a bit of a snort. "And I know for a fact you're lying."

Link pushed a strand of hair out of his face, trying to remain calm. He was beginning to get a bit agitated-why couldn't she just leave it alone? She's never won an argument with him and she wasn't about to start now. Why did she have to pick at everything?

"You are so full of shit," she continued. "Don't you think I know the difference between male hormones and female hormones? How long have I been around? I've developed my sense of smell Link and you might not think so, but I can smell her all over you. There were two actually-one was Saria, and the other one-despite what you think-was a female elf."

"Malon, just let it the fuck go!" he warned, glaring at her. Epona stirred at the rise in his voice, her ears flickering. She didn't like Link upset-that made her upset, and it was hard to calm down an upset horse. Link was trying to remain calm, but Malon was really pushing his buttons-on purpose.

"She was about 5'5," she went on, "blonde, age 15-17, and she was a virgin."

Link rolled his eyes. That sounded like Sheik alright-except for the "she" part. "Listen Red, just give it up," he suggested, guiding Epona to the left with her reigns. "You're not really proving anything-except that you've got way too much time on your hands. A lot of people have touched me, and I've touched a lot of things-you didn't bother noticing the smell of blood or Navi on my skin, or tree on my dick." He refrained from shuddering at this last statement-he thought he'd blocked that colorful event out.

"What's your point?" she demanded, folding her arms across her ample chest.

"My point? You're jealous-you think he's competition. And he's not. In fact, if I ever see him again I'm gonna punch him dead in his pretty little face. That way he won't be more attractive than you anymore. Let's go baby," which was Epona's cue to take off.

"You can fool yourself all you want to Link!" she screamed after him, watching his horse gallop out of Lon Lon Ranch. "But she is a girl!" He didn't respond, so she rolled her eyes, grumbling horrible Hyrulian curses to herself. She wouldn't have thought she had competition if she didn't suspect that Link was attracted to this girl too, whoever she was. It was part of her female intuition-women can just tell.

Not that it wasn't just about fucking obvious in the first place. He'd been sulking. Link never sulked. He was never moody either, and yet, during the past 24 hours he'd had the worst case of PMS she'd ever seen. If she didn't know any better, she'd think that Link was the girl. That would've made perfect sense though, because in 17 years the only person that elf had ever loved was himself.

:::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Link rode Epona at full gallop, enjoying the race of the wind over his sensitive ears. He hadn't had this kind of excitement since he'd been a dumbass and pulled the Master Sword out of its resting place in the Temple of Time. He'd actually gotten laid by someone he knew, he'd lost Navi, and he got his horse back. If there was anything better he wanted to know where it was so he could add that into the mix.

Now that he had his rest, he had the energy to focus on his duties as Hero of Time. Being a Hero sucked major ass, but it did get him lots of girls, and he did get to collect cool items and kill a lot of stuff. But what was it all for? When it was all said and done, after he saved Hyrule, then what? He'd been primed, groomed for only one thing: to defeat evil. When evil was gone, then what was he going to do? That was a depressing thought-if he couldn't kill things then what was he going to do? The thought of settling down was worse than an image of Ganondorf in a school girl skirt.

"HEY, WATCH IT!!"

"The nerve of that heathen, bringing that animal into town!"

He snapped away from his thoughts, glancing around just in time to realize he was in Kakariko-and then leaving Kakariko. He shrugged, and let her move on to the steep slope that lead up to the notorious Death Mountain, and turned her right back around just in time to avoid a huge bolder rolling down his only path. He watched, slightly alarmed as it slammed into the mountain wall with such force that the ground shook. He'd never submit his horse to that. Eve.r

He dismounted, rubbing her face once again for reassurance. "Listen baby, daddy's gotta go on foot now," he cooed, watching her ears flicker as she nudged him gratefully. "I know precious-daddy's sorry he scared you. I won't ever ask you to come up this nasty mountain again." Anyone else would've thought he had a problem, but Link was perfectly sane. In his mind, Epona not only understood what he was saying, but she spoke right back to him, clear as day. That was the beauty of their relationship-even though she couldn't talk, they could still communicate.

"Alright baby, you know the routine. Don't wander back to Lon Lon Ranch; I don't want to see Red right now. I have to save a kingdom. So you can do what you want, but when you hear me, you come, you understand?"

She shook her head, snorting, and nudged him again, this time as if to say "Get going you dumbass." He gave her a trademark smirk before following her direction, and started his way up Death Mountain.

As a child, this place scared him completely shitless. As a grown man, it did the exact same thing. Falling rocks, bolders in his path, fire breathing dragons, rock people-it was like something out of a fairy tale. Dodging bolders was easy enough, especially with the two bigger, stationary ones in his path-he would just duck into their shadows when he saw or heard one coming. He didn't want to be an elf pancake-he rather liked his figure. It took forever to get his ass this tight and he wanted it to stay that way for as long as possible.

He traveled past the Goron Cave, and rounded the steep path into the hollow of the Mountain where its people lived. It was oddly quiet-there were no Gorons on the path, or even on the first level of the city. There was no one there-his breathing was echoing in his sensitive ears. The only other thing he heard was a Skulltula, but that didn't concern him at the moment. The Gorons were his only concern.

His footsteps started to echo, even on rock. He made his way through the city, pausing every once in a while to peer in a doorway, but always found nothing. Their disappearance was baffling-the Goron were a simple people, especially in the head. Darunia was the only one who had enough brains to hold a decent conversation. So where could they have gone? They didn't migrate south for the winter did they? Or maybe someone didn't have enough materials for a castle so came in and slaughtered them all. No, that wasn't right. If that was the case, there would be blood everywhere. His only other option was nearly as absurd: they were kidnapped. But who would kidnap a bunch of rocks? The only person he could think of was an angry construction worker without a union rep.

The giant vase wasn't spinning like he remembered, so the ground floor was absolutely safe. He journeyed to the bottom, pausing every once in a while to peek into rooms or crevices, but never found anything worth his attention. Slightly disappointed, he reached the ground floor and decided to investigate the shop, but it was completely empty. He sighed, making up in his mind that the last room to look into was Darunia's bedroom. Heading back towards the dull light of the city, he was going to do just that. However, he was forced to stand still in his path at the insistence of the object barring his way out.

Sheik was standing in the doorway of the shop, staring him down.

Attached to his arm was a little Goron boy no older than 7, with a pot belly and no dick, just like the rest of his relatives. It always completely disturbed Link how creatures this small could have absolutely no privates whatsoever-and they wore thongs. They walked around butt naked with no penises in thongs. What was the point of the thongs if they weren't holding anything? This child wasn't wearing anything-he was simply naked, fleshy rock. Link tore his eyes away from the abnormality to return Sheik's glare full force.

And then hit him in hid darling face, just like he said he would.

Blood burst forth like an unhinged dam, and the red sprayed in no particular direction at all, but somehow managed to stain the Hero's tunic and a bit of his face. He paid no attention to Sheik's whimpering, only watched as his body crumpled to the floor, and stepped over him on his way into Darunia's bedroom.

But there was nothing there either.

Link went back into the opening, sighing as the little Goron boy crouched to his mentor's side, trying to help him stop the bleeding. In Link's mind-and in any man's-they were even. They'd interchangeably hurt each other, so there were no hard feelings. This was a clean slate, a fresh start. He locked his arms behind his head and declared "So are you going to tell me what happened or are you going to lay there moaning in agony all day."

"You bastard!" the little boy hissed at him. Link grinned knowingly, rolling his beautiful eyes. "How dare you hit an unarmed warrior! Are you really such a coward?! Can't you fight a real man??!"

Link's just snorted, waving off the little boy like a fly around his soup. "Whatever."

Now that they were even, Link could get down to business. He knew Sheik would ask him to save the Gorons, and since he and Darunia were sworn brothers, he had an obligation. Not that he would mind-Darunia was cool. For saving the Gorons from the dreaded dinosaur who ate their food supply (or whatever the hell was going on in that cave), he gave Link their most precious treasure, and promised him his daughter's hand in marriage when he got old enough. Not that he wanted to be married-commitment was a three syllable word no man wanted thrown at them-but he would like to see if she were worth the trouble. Of course, for all he knew she could've been made out of rock. That'd be a hard thing to fuck, but he'd try anything once. It wasn't the outside-it was the inside that counted.

"What are you doing here?" Sheik finally took the time to glare at Link and speak, as if the older elf were supposed to be intimidated by such obvious rudeness.

Link sank down to his level, his face only inches away from the Sheikah. "This might shock the bleeding hell out of you, but I actually care about what happens to a bunch of rock monsters."

"We're not monsters!" the little Goron exclaimed, glaring at Link. Link smirked. He'd love to take a hammer and just give him what for; he hadn't known the kid five minutes and he was already a brat.

He stood up, pushing his bangs out of his face, and offered Sheik his hand. For a moment the injured boy didn't accept, only glared. But Link kept his hand extended. Finally Sheik accepted, allowing Link to help him up off the floor. The little Goron boy still sat there though, staring with the utmost childish intrigue, and perhaps a little bit of anger. "You wanna tell me what happened here gorgeous? Or do I have to beat it out of you."

Sheik held his bleeding face, snatching away from Link hastily. Sometimes he wondered what the hell he saw in such an obvious bastard. "I think I need to stop bleeding first," he retorted, his eyes daring Link to say something behind it.

The Hero smirked. "You'd think you were on the rag for everything coming out of you. Alright Sunshine-we'll find you a napkin for your nose. But after that, you'll tell me everything, or I'll make you scream it." And he meant it.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Link had never traveled so far into the city before. He'd always stuck to the path with the stairs-he'd never deviated from it. At the time the rock people were scary enough, but a city full of rock people was intimidating. And he was just a kid. It wasn't the fact that they were made out of rocks-it was the fact that they were naked. Naked rocks. Naked fat rocks. With very little brain. It was enough to scar any child.

Now it was relatively quiet as he followed Sheik and his little boy down a hidden path he hadn't known existed. The air was tense and still, forcing him to heighten his senses-but he heard nothing, and the only thing he smelled was earth. That annoyed him. The Goron people didn't have a particular scent like humans, elves, or Zora. They all smelled like rich, volcanic dirt. It was frustrating not to be able to tell who exactly he was talking to, since not only did they all smell alike, but they all looked alike as well. They all had flat, pie faces, wide, thin mouths and unfocused, awestruck eyes, as if everything were a marvel to them. He'd bet instead of brains they had pebbles in their head. That's how dumb they were.

As the path got narrower, Link made it a point to stay close to Sheik. They were now in a part of the city he'd never seen before-bigger and more intricate than the part he was used to. The center was still hollowed out, like the main city, but this center was like a Market Place. It was empty, of course. He wondered why they had two cities in one, and so he asked.

"Is this a whole other city?"

"No. This is the city," the little boy responded. "The other side is for officials and very important people. This is where all of the commoners live."

"And you're not a commoner?" he couldn't help questioning.

"I'm a Prince," he answered back defensively. "I'm the son of Darunia; my name is Link."

What the fuck??

"Well, Darunia's got great taste in names," Link grinned, more to himself than anyone else.

"He said you are blood brothers, and that you helped out our people in a time of great need," the Prince revealed. "He said it's an honorable name, and you're an honorable man-filled with courage. I'm starting to think he lied."

"I will push you over this ledge kid," he warned. "I do kill small children."

"Puh. You're not a man. You're only a shadow."

"Oh yeah? And you'll be a pile of rubble if you say one more word."

He finally shut his mouth.

The path widened, and Link got comfortable for a moment, relaxing his stride and locking his hands behind his head. He took a moment to examine the city. They appeared to be on the main path. There were doorways carved into the rock, round doorways with no doors-only curtains to keep each house private. Some of the doors had signs over them-he assumed that these were shops of some kind. He couldn't really read Goron. The city seemed to extend the entire stretch of the mountain, width and height. Maybe they weren't as stupid as they seemed-the architecture was simple, but amazing.

Sheik finally ducked into one of the doorways, moving its curtain aside just a bit. Link followed him into a smaller room with two chairs, a table and a desk. There was another door behind the desk. Sheik instructed the little boy to wait outside and ducked into the second door; since Link had received no confirmation or instructions, he followed him.

The room they were in had a rock slab up against the left wall, and cabinets mounting the north one. There was a small countertop underneath the cabinets, and torches surrounded the room on all four walls, keeping it well lit. There was another door on the right, and from it emerged a short, extremely portly Goron wearing a white smock and nothing else. Link refrained from shuddering and wondered what the hell was going on.

"Ah, little Sheikah, you came back," he chortled in an unusually soft voice. "And what's this?! You are injured! Tsk tsk tsk. We can't have that. No injuries on the royal family-Darunia's orders. On the table," he directed. Sheik hoisted himself up on the stone slab, and waited patiently.

The Goron began pulling small jars out of his cabinet. One was a fairy, one was a jar of small white balls and one was filled with some clear liquid. He removed a small ball from one jar and dipped it into the clear liquid carefully, as if it would burst into flames at any second. "Now, what manner of injury is this?"

"An accident," Sheik retorted, his voice monotone. "I should've been more careful."

He nodded as if he understood, and removed the cotton ball carefully. "I see." Link watched him waddle over to Sheik and hand him the cotton ball, removing the boy's hand from his injured nose. Slowly he began to wipe up the blood, pausing when the boy winced or whimpered in any way. Finally it was all cleaned up, and he began examining his nose.

"It appears to be fine," he noted carefully, pressing his rock fingers against the bridge of Sheik's nose. "However, I would recommend something for swelling. I'm going to see if I can make something for this sensitive skin of yours, hmm? I will be right back." He then waddled into the room on the right, leaving Sheik and Link alone.

Of course, this lead to an extremely awkward silence.

Link sighed, running his fingers through his bangs. He hated awkward silences-they reminded him of when he lost his virginity. He never wanted to relive that again, so his only other option was to speak to the other boy. He was sure he could find something constructive to say that wouldn't piss him off completely.

"…Royal family?"

Oooh, good one.

Sheik stared at him, his perfect blond hair falling over his eye nonchalantly. He was so cute, almost in an I-want-to-smash-your-spleen kind of way. He even bruised beautifully-the purple and blue around his nose made him even more attractive. "I'm Darunia's child," he responded evenly.

"But you're an elf," he couldn't help noting. "Or a Sheik, a human-something." He certainly wasn't rock.

"Darunia is my father," he said again, his voice patient. "He raised me. I'm his first born and his heir."

"…I thought you had a sister," Link couldn't help bringing up.

At this Sheik tensed.

Link eyed the boy's body language carefully. Realizing that he must have touched on a sensitive subject, he went on. "Darunia said he had a daughter. He promised me I could have her when I got old enough."

"…My father does a lot of foolish things," he answered gravely. Link got a feeling that was all he was going to get out of him on that subject, so moved to another one.

"What happened Sheik."

The younger boy ran his fingers through his hair, sighing heavily, as if he were holding a weight on his soul that needed to be lifted. "Ganondorf came. He knew you were coming to free the Sage of Fire, and he was determined to stop you. He and Father got into a battle, one he forced me to stay out of. Father lost…Ganondorf took him and all of the royal officials and put them in the Temple of Fire as bait. If you don't show up to save them, Volvagia, the Fire Dragon, will eat them alive."

Why was there always bait?

"Ganondorf was going to use me. He knew you'd come for me. But father didn't want me hurt…so he traded himself for my safety."

Link zoned out for a moment. Forget that Ganondorf was undoubtedly evil-he'd been watching him. How else would he have known he'd have gone after Sheik? In a moon minute too-he might not like the boy but he'd never leave an innocent to die without justified reason. "…Ganny boy's been watching me?" he blinked. "…EW!"

"Link, be serious," Sheik breathed, staring at the elf with focused red eyes. "We have to get into the Temple of Fire. I know the way, but you'll need a special weapon before you can enter. There are creatures inside who will swallow you whole if you come within 3 feet of them. The only thing that can stop them is arrows and a Goron Knife."

Great. More weapons. If a woman couldn't have too many shoes, a guy couldn't have too many weapons.

"I was wondering if you'd even show up," Sheik revealed softly.

"You never came to get me," Link retorted, his eyes hardening.

Sheik turned away. "My pride wouldn't let me."

"So you were going to sacrifice your nation's leaders and the life of your father because of your pride." Wow, that sounded like him. "Sunshine, you're a guy after my own heart."

"You didn't have to hit me in the nose though," Sheik accused, returning his glare to the Hero.

"And you didn't have to lie for me. But I did, you did, and now we're here so let's kick the ballistics and fuck so I can at least concentrate before we go on this mission."

Sheik scoffed, tensing as Link approached him. He was dead serious. "No."

"It'll only hurt the first time," Link promised, tracing a finger over the other boy's face. "After that you'll love me. …Well, even more," he smirked knowingly.

"You are Hyrule's biggest fuck mook," Sheik retorted, but he didn't pull away. In fact, he looked rather eager.

Link leaned in further, licking his lips quite temptingly. "Is that a yes?" he wanted to know.

"If you can wait until after we save my people, then it's a yes," he promised.

Score.

"You love leaving me hanging don't you Sunshine," he couldn't help grinning. "I'll accept that, for now. But no more teasing."

"And no more come-ons," he responded. "I want you absolutely focused, or the deal is completely off. Not one sex joke-not even a dirty look."

"Hyrule Scouts honor," he swore, tracing his fingers over his heart. "But only after you kiss me."

Sheik growled in response. "Link…"

Link wasn't the kind to beg. When he wanted something he took it, hands down. In Sheik's case, he couldn't take until after the agreement, but the agreement would start after a kiss. He was only asking for one, and since it was impossible to rape someone's mouth-well, nearly impossible-he just leaned in and kissed him.

Sheik whimpered against the soft touch of his lips against his own, remembering the first time. Link pulled him closer, knowing that he couldn't resist. He was simply irresistible anyway, but Sheik's attraction to Link stemmed from stronger feelings than just "Oh gods you're so hot". He was in love. Link was playing on that; he wouldn't return his feelings but he could make him feel loved just the same.

Sheik melted into his touch, his mouth opening to the gentle prodding of the older boy. His body was heating up, his stomach doing dances as Link's tongue explored his mouth, exciting unknown nerves there. He moved closer, picking up on their rhythm easily-it wasn't as hard as he thought. In fact, from the way Link was gripping his body, he would say he was getting quite good at it. He arched an eyebrow, feeling Link push him further back before climbing on top of him, pressing him against the wall. He broke away, glaring at Sheik as if he had done something wrong, as he tried to catch his breath. The smaller boy didn't know whether to apologize or what-he didn't even really know what was going on; just that his head was spinning and he was currently without knowledge of their present surroundings. So he just sat there, waiting to see what would happen next.

Link seemed purely frustrated, his eyes shifting between want and need. Somehow, Sheik couldn't help feel that he was confused about something, but to ask would completely ruin the mood, and since Link was the first person he ever made out with, he sure as hell didn't want to do that. But the older elf was being driven insane by something inside of him-a nagging hunger that could only be satisfied by this boy. He'd never been so worked up before. He felt at any moment he'd lose control. It was dangerous, and yet exciting. The curiosity for the cause of this situation was nearly as overwhelming as the emotions themselves.

But to hell with that.

He threw Sheik down on the slab, hard enough to let him know what he was about to do but gently enough not to hurt his head. The younger boy didn't seem to surprised as Link repositioned himself over him, his eyes glinting with eroding sanity. Sheik was literally driving him up the wall-his smell, his lips, the very feel of him. Desperately he groped over the boy, searching for a way to get into his clothes-buttons, zippers, a hole or something. Sheik flinched at the roughness, grasping one of Link's wrists firmly. Link glared, daring him to try to stop him, but he didn't. Instead he guided his hand down to his waist, curling his fingers over his own, causing both of them to grip the bottom of his shirt. Link looked so relieved he could've tapped danced. He pushed his shirt up to his ribs, marveling at how firm his body really was-he wasn't as sculpted as his clothes would have him seem. His skin was smooth, soft, and he had odd curves-like he had an actual waist. Sheik's fingers loosened over Link's hand, but they didn't leave; just slipped between his own. He stared back at the boy, running his fingers over his sensitive skin, guiding both of their touches over uncharted territory. He watched him arch purposefully under their combined touch, biting his lip to stop anything audible from coming out. They traced his slight stomach muscles coyly, promising nothing but the purest pleasure. He felt Sheik shiver, and furthered his advances, letting their fingers trail down to his lower abdomen-just above the waist of his pants. Sheik tightened his grip then, pushing Link's fingers under the cloth, encouraging him. He wasn't teasing-he was dead serious. Mentally he celebrated, relieved that his hunger would finally be satisfied.

And then the doctor walked in.

Link wanted to scream, wanted to tear his hair out, wanted to jump off the table and gut the doctor and dance in his blood. Why did this always happen?? Every time he tried to tap Sheik's ass, the same fucking thing happened-something interrupted them. He glared all the hate and promises of murder he could muster, hissing at the doctor like a cornered cat. Sheik sat up, pulling away from him as he tried to pull down his clothes. He still looked innocent. Link wanted to ruin that so bad he could say to hell with whoever was in the room and fuck Sheik until he bled.

Damn his self-restraint.

The doctor shook his head. "Tsk tsk tsk. Sheikah, what would your father say?"

Sheik rolled his eyes. "He'd be too excited by the fact that I'm actually attracted to someone to even care."

The Goron laughed in his throat. "This is true. Now." Here he paused to show Sheik the glass bottle with the medicine that he had created for him: a thick purplish goo that looked more like slime than medicine. "This will help with swelling," he instructed. "It also helps with sore muscles and bruising. But it's just topical. It doesn't stop bleeding either-it's just for aches, slight pains and bruises. And as usual it's…"

"Fun to play with, not to eat," Sheik finished for him. "I know, I know. You've been telling me that since I was nine."

"And I'll continue to tell you that because it's my job," he responded, his thin lips becoming even thinner as they spread across his face in a wholesome smile. Link wanted to gag. "Now. The Fairy on the cabinet is for you. I trust you know what it's for. Please return my bottle to me when you're finished. Also, I spoke to Medigoron. He's promised to give you the Goron Knife for 200 rupees."

Sheik flinched visibly, as if being dealt a physical blow. "That's going to be a problem."

"Why is that?"

"Because Link can't carry 200 rupees. He can only carry 99."

"Which blows," Link put in.

"Blows?" the Goron repeated. He seemed thoroughly confused.

"Yeah, blows," the elf confirmed. "Like a fat lady that broke wind while sitting down too fast."

"Ah, I see." Here he stroked his chin, as if contemplating a way to solve the problem. Sheik took a moment to glance up at Link, who was clearly lost in his own thoughts-whatever they were. He sighed, looking back at his doctor. He had a feeling he was opening up a can of worms that was going to eat away at him for years to come.

"There is a way for you to carry more money," the doctor finally announced, drawing the Hero's attention.

Link grinned brightly, his smile almost childish; yet his eyes still possessed the same charming, coy deviousness that was always present. "Great!" he exclaimed. "I love money!"

"Not as much as you love sex," Sheik muttered under his breath.

"No, but it's close," he agreed. "It's in my top 3 on my list of things I love most: me, sex, and money."

"I'd hate to see what comes after money," Sheik couldn't help retorting.

"Actually nothing," he blinked.

"I should've known…"

"Children, children," the doctor smiled, laughter shaking his voice. "If you please. The solution to your problem is to just get a bigger wallet."

Link frowned. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because you're blonde," Sheik retaliated almost instantly. "And it shows. Severely. With every breath you take."

The Goron clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth in disapproval. "Sheikah. Your father raised you with better manners than that. You must always be polite, even with lovers, It's the nature of royalty."

"I'm sorry Igor," he muttered apologetically. "It won't happen again."

"Very good," Igor approved. Now, there's a House of Skulltula in the village just below Death Mountain. They have an adult wallet but only if you kill ten Golden Skulltulas and break the curse on one of the brothers you see."

Link scoffed in his trademark arrogance. "Ten? I stepped on more than ten when I was a kid."

"Very good then. Go down to the House of Skulltula and retrieve the wallet. Then visit Medigoron-he will give you the Giant's Knife. Then it's off to the Fire Temple with you. We will patiently await the return of our Princess and King of Gorons."

"So you do have a sister?" Link blinked, staring down at Sheik.

"Sister?" Igor laughed. "Oh my, my, no. Sheik is…" Sheik glared at him menacingly, his red eyes deepening severely. "…Sheik knows what I mean," he corrected, coughing slightly. "Here are your gifts," he announced, handing both bottles to the younger boy. "Your brother has clothes for you both that will protect you from the scorching heat of Death Mountain."

"We'll pick those up later." Sheik slid out from underneath Link, pulling down his shirt as he got to his feet. Link couldn't help but notice a small symbol of the Triforce tattooed on his lower back. The top triangle was black, the right was red and the left was golden. He thought it was an odd thing for someone to have tattooed anywhere, but dismissed it; he really wasn't interested in hearing the story behind that. "Let's hurry up back Link."

That was a good idea. He really wanted to fuck before the end of the night.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Sheik shivered under the cold wind that surrounded him as he journeyed down the path leading out of Death Mountain. A cold wind was a sign of calamity for his people; because Death Mountain was a volcano nothing ever got cold. Therefore this was cause for alarm. He hoped that after today his people would be safe from Gannondorf-at least for a time.

A queer sight met the young elf as he reached the base of Death Mountain: a horse was standing there patiently, as if waiting for someone. Upon Link's approach its ears flickered happily, and it trotted up to meet him, nuzzling him affectionately. "There's my baby," Link crooned, hugging the horse's face affectionately. "That's my girl. Daddy's so sorry he kept you waiting."

…Daddy?

"I promise I'm going to get you some carrots and sugar when this is over," he went on, rubbing her face softly. "You're such a good girl Epona."

"…Is there something about you and the horse I should know about?" Sheik couldn't help asking.

"Ignore him-he's jealous," Link told Epona, who only nickered in response. "Ok, let's go back into the village so you can shit on everyone's lawn."

Sheik just shook his head.

Link mounted her, then grabbed Sheik by the wrist and pulled him up into an awkward sitting position, earning a glare from the younger boy. "The ride's not going to be that long," Link promised. "Just hold onto my waist and you'll be fine." Sheik obeyed, and Epona took off at a racing gallop, forcing the boy to close his eyes and grip the Hero tightly for dear life.

Horses were dangerous. That's why he didn't use them. He didn't like them. They were awkward, moody and picky. They were just bigger versions of cats, and he hated cats. But before he knew it, it was all over, just like Link promised. When he opened his eyes again, he was standing in front of a very run down house in the middle of town. He remembered it almost instantly-the vibe it gave off screamed "I'm cursed!" He avoided it as much as possible. Now as Link traveled up the creaking stairs, he realized he had even more reason to fear it: a giant Golden Skulltula was secured to the door. He stopped dead in his tracks. He wasn't about to go in there. He and spiders did not get along.

Link glanced back at him, frowning. "You're not coming in?"

Hell no. "I hate spiders."

"I noticed." He turned towards him then, declaring "You have to face your fears sooner or later."

Sheik glared. "Have you ever been scared of anything Link?" he hissed accusingly at him. "Maybe if you did you wouldn't be so eager to push me into the jaws of death."

"These are cursed kids, not giant spider people. They can't help it. And yes I have been scared of plenty of things. Death Mountain gives me the willies."

His glare softened, his eyes going from menacing to slightly confused. "Why?"

"Ever since I was a kid, and I met my first Goron," he answered. "I mean…they're creepy, ok? They're stupid and fat and made out of rock and they've got no dicks. And they give out these hugs that's liable to crush your spine. Then the Dodongos, and the falling rocks of doom, and boulders chasing me down the path, Tekkites…it's just not a very nice place to be."

He would ignore the comment about his people, for novelty's sake. "But if it scares you so much, then why do you go up there?"

"I go up there because they need me to," he answered matter-of-factly. "What they need is more important than what I need. Yes, I think about other people too. Darunia is my friend, and I'm his people's champion. He named his son after me. So I can't let him down."

"…And I don't factor in there anywhere?" the smaller elf couldn't help asking.

"Do I factor in when you see a spider?" Link wanted to know. To this Sheik remained silent.

"Listen, you don't have to go inside. It's a mess anyway. I'll be right out. Just stay here with Epona." Then he went inside and shut the door.

Sheik sat on the steps, letting Link's words roll around in his mind. Sometimes, just sometimes, he showed glimpses of the little boy he remembered falling in love with. And maybe it was a good thing that he didn't show it more often. Then it wouldn't be nearly half as interesting as it was right now.