The Legend of Zelda: Twisted Futurity

Now I Find Myself In Question

Four

Main Objectives: obtain Epona

Side Quests: none

Extras: none

Nobody deals with pressure well. At some moment, a person is forced to snap. Now whether you notice or not is the real question.

Sexual pressure, of course, is a totally different subject. Link had never been under sexual pressure before. He'd always just taken what he wanted without question. Of course, he wasn't a rapist, leaving behind the obvious: if he took it, of course they wanted it. But he'd never had anyone confuse him so greatly before. In Sheik's eyes he wanted it, but in his actions he kept refusing it. Last night was the worst: six long, agonizing, hard, painful hours of cuddling. That made him realize exactly why he didn't like cuddling in the first place-no man should. Cuddling was nothing but teasing. He hated teasing.

"Sheik," Link stated before the little Sheikah could get out the rest of his statement. "What are you doing in my room? What are you doing in my bed?"

Sheik drew in his breath, pushing his hair out of his face. In the moonlight, the older elf could see his nervousness, and a great deal of his anxiousness as well. Shifting brought them closer together, before Sheik responded "I feel safer with you."

Link rolled his eyes, trudging through the soft soil of the Lost Forest. Safer. Bah, humbug. Why did he give into that obvious act? There was no way Sheik was that innocent; he knew exactly what all of that cuddling and shifting was doing to him. It got worse when he finally fell asleep, because then the little Sheikah got clingy, and noisy. Link could only wish those noises were because of him; all of those soft moans and light whispers, in Hylian no less. Link was rather surprised at his clearly stretched self-control, because every thought in his head for the next 6 hours was purely sexual, no matter how they started out. Then, when he began to wonder why he was even torturing himself, the sun started creeping up the horizon. Link somehow untangled himself from the younger boy without waking him up and put on his clothes, being very surprised that his pants fit. Then he made his way into the Lost Woods at an agonizing pace to find somewhere private to do his business.

He had to pee.

He thought about a lot of things during his infinite journey through the Woods. If he urinated, would his erection settle down some? It was strained horribly, unnaturally swollen for being held for such a long period of time. He thought about making it go away himself but somehow that didn't really help. He would still be in agonizing torture, settled next to the object of his affection for the next 5 hours and 59 minutes, so what difference would that have made? He'd still have the hunger for the younger boy inside of him, and his scent would still taunt him. Temporary relief would be so temporary it would be just as if he hadn't done anything at all. He wondered if he would ever have an erection again after this one. That'd be something. A broken dick, and he hadn't even used it on its murderer.

He'd kill someone.

Trekking over the hill, his relief came into sight: a tree at least a hundred feet tall, its trunk thicker than six people standing side by side. Its leaves were bigger than his head, and its branches were high up enough to shade him from that awful scarlet sunrise coming up in the east. He wondered exactly how far into the Lost Woods he was. It occurred to him that it didn't really matter, because you can't ever really get lost in the Lost Woods. If you took a wrong turn it only took you right back to the entrance. Sighing, he walked over to his savior, dropped his pants, and did his business.

And yes, it hurt.

It hurt a lot.

But the good thing was since he was already at attention, he had nothing to hold. Hands free peeing-however much it hurt-meant that he could get some rest. Sighing, he rested his head on the trunk of the tree, and let his body go limp. He needed some sleep. He closed his eyes. He'd wake up whenever he felt like it was necessary. Hopefully he'd have a really, really wet dream, one that relieved him twice over, and at the same time, didn't mess up his clothes or his shoes. That'd be the perfect sleep.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

To sleep, perchance to dream. Or hurt thyself. Saria snickered, watching Pointy drool in his sleep. He was going to be pissed off when he woke up, but far be it from her to not enjoy this moment. It was very rare to see your friend stuck between a rock and a hard place and rarer still to be there to enjoy it. Personally Saria thought it was rather cruel to leave him standing there like that in his wet dreams of Sheik and the forest floor but she'd become something of a bitch over the 7 years Link was absent. He could be a little cold, but she could be so arctic.

The only reason she journeyed into the Forest was Sheik's incessant worrying. If she didn't know any better she'd swear there was more to his feelings for the Hero of Time than a little boyish crush. So she offered to lead the Sheikah through the Lost Forest in search of the one hope to save Hyrule. Sheik had wandered off a while ago, calling for Link. At first he sounded sincere but after a while, his voice got quite agitated. It was cute to watch him wander around aimlessly, screaming and threatening Link. Of course, Saria already knew where Link was. Years of experience told her Link only got up from his sleep when he was jarred, suspicious or when he had to pee. That was it. He didn't even get up to have sex. Now that was lazy.

Swallowing a laugh, she listened to Sheik's continuous calls. He was beginning to sound fretful, and he was getting closer. As much as she was enjoying watching Link slumber blissfully, it'd be equally hilarious to see him awake at such an awkward period in time. Maybe even more so. She tapped his shoulder lightly, watching him shift. "Wakey wakey lover elf."

Nothing. Not even a snort.

Saria's eyes darted to the forest floor, watching shadows approach her. Sheik sighed, hugging himself insecurely, his arms wrapped around his abdomen tightly. He was a cutie; she could see why Link was going nuts over him. The way the slivers of sunlight slipped through the trees to play over his ruby red eyes was capturing. He looked even more innocent standing there worried out of his mind than he did piss drunk. But this little cat and mouse game was getting old.

"I can't find him," the young boy sighed, running his petite fingers through his hair.

"Something you should know about your lover dear," Saria giggled passively, her eyes diverting back to Link. "He only gets up out of his sleep for three reasons: a) he's jarred, b) he's suspicious, or c) he has to pee. In this case it was the latter-our little Romeo had to pee. And now he's stuck between a rock and a hard place."

Sheik turned his gaze to Link, who was idly asleep, his forehead resting against the trunk of the tree, his arms limp at his side. Turned, and just stared.

Out of all the ridiculous things he'd ever seen in his life, he'd never seen anything like this. Link's pants was at his feet, covering his boots, his drool leading a trail down to a hole in the trunk of the tree. The hole was just big enough for what was unfortunate enough to be stuck in it. In this case, it was Link's penis that was the victim. He blinked, shaking his head. He could not believe this.

"Link."

Nothing. Not even a snort.

Saria burst out laughing.

Sheik blocked out the shriek, immediately beginning to try to work out a solution to this atrocity. He didn't want to jar him-he didn't want him hurt in any possible way. He tapped him lightly, but still got nothing. Referring back to the last time he woke up the elf, he remembered how frantic Link was. If he pulled back suddenly after being jarred out of his sleep, he could break something. A broken penis just wasn't on his "things to nurse back to health" list. Sighing, Sheik positioned himself behind the elf, his hands resting firmly on his hips. Leaning forward, he whispered lightly in his ear. "Link."

Not even a stir.

Sheik inhaled, raising his voice just a little louder.

"Link."

Nothing.

"Link."

He could be unconscious.

"Link!"

He could be dead.

"LINK!"

"GYAH!"

Nope, he was alive.

He tried to jerk back but Sheik held him firm. He rolled his eyes, wondering how someone could get into such a ridiculous situation. "Relax," he breathed in his ear soothingly. For one, how do you fall asleep while peeing? That was just beyond lazy. It was pee. He wasn't even going to try to understand that one.

"What the fuck??"

"Relax, I said," Sheik growled, steadying himself against the other boy's jerking.

"What the fuck are you doing??" Link hissed, trying to look back at him.

"I'm not trying to rape you if that's what you're thinking," Sheik muttered, gripping Link's hips tightly. "In case you haven't noticed, you're stuck."

"Stuck?" Link repeated, rolling his eyes. Well that one was new. Usually he heard "You're tense, lie down" or "I'm cold". Then again, his love interests were usually girls. "How the fuck am I stuck??" Here was where he pulled back, and it was here that he wished he hadn't. Sheik winced against Link's shriek. He could only imagine how painful that really was. "What. The fuck?!"

Saria burst into fresh laughter. "I can't believe this!" she exclaimed gleefully. "This is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen!"

Link turned his icy glare to his best friend, who was practically rolling around in ecstatic glee. "You think this is funny??"

"I think it's fucking hilarious!" she screeched. "You're obviously not looking at this through my eyes; I mean…you're stuck! No, it's not that you're stuck, it's why you're stuck! Oh my gods! I'm going to explode!"

Sheik closed his eyes against Link's swearing. He'd love to laugh, if it weren't for the fact that this was very embarrassing. Link was obviously too busy arguing with Saria to even consider being embarrassed, so Sheik chose to be embarrassed for him. He rested his head against Link's shoulder, sighing. This was the kind of thing that gave people headaches.

"I wouldn't be hard if Juliet back here wasn't fidgeting all night!" Link was screaming at Saria.

"Wait, so let me get this straight," Saria gasped between laughs. "You were hard for 6 hours."

"Yes!"

"And you didn't jack off??" She was laughing so hard she was crying. It was a logical solution.

"This is why I hate cuddling," Link muttered, rolling his eyes. He blocked Saria out for the moment and tried to concentrate on the real issue: getting his dick out of the hole. He never thought he'd want his dick out of anyone's hole, but then again, he never thought that the hole would be in a tree. If he stayed too long he'd get splinters.

Naturally the first thing he tried was pulling. He winced against the pain, but it wouldn't budge-it was stuck pretty good. Sighing, he examined it carefully. It was like the hole was a custom ring for his penis that was just one size too small. There was no possible way it was going to budge. People said size mattered, but they never stopped to tell you that it could be a curse as well as a blessing.

Now what?

"Oh gods!" Saria screeched, shattering his thoughts. "Oh…Don't tell me you don't know how to get that out of there," she chuckled, wiping tears from her red face.

Link glared. "Enlighten me lawn gnome," he offered sarcastically.

"Come on," she laughed, her voice rather hoarse. "You know what you have to do."

"I am not jacking off," he snapped at her. That was not his job-there was too much free pussy in the land for that. He'd do the Cucco Lady again before he resorted to that.

"You're not really in the position to," she cackled. "Don't tell me you really don't know how to get that out of there."

Link could feel his vein throbbing in his head. His brain hurt-both of them. "As much as you're enjoying this Saria, I'd really like to get out of here. And I know you know how. So just wave your magic wand and get me out of here so I can go back to being miserable. I don't want a broken dick."

Saria straightened up suddenly, her posture and her voice becoming quite serious. "No."

"…what?"

"No," she said again. "You got yourself into this mess, now you get yourself out. And hurry up Casanova, cause Hyrule don't have all day." Then she disappeared, allowing the oncoming breeze to swallow her whole.

Oh no she didn't.

Link growled, raking his nails against the tree trunk angrily. "Great," he muttered. "This is exactly why I hate cuddling."

"…I'm sorry," Sheik muttered quietly in apology.

"Yeah, you'd better be," the elf snapped back at him. "This is all your fucking fault!" Sheik winced, but let him air. He couldn't even begin to imagine how painful that really was, and since it was the Hero's favorite body part, he had a right to be angry. "Who the fuck do you think you are anyway? Do you get some kind of sick thrill out of teasing me??"

Sheik felt his fingers dig into the soft flesh of the taller boy, threatening to draw blood. Teasing? "I wasn't teasing!" he exclaimed angrily before he could stop himself. "I don't fuck around when it comes to my feelings!"

"Then tell me Sheik, what do you feel?" Link wanted to know. "You know, besides holier than thou?"

"I don't just kiss everybody," Sheik hissed, closing his eyes. "I don't throw my affections around for the first person to see to grasp at; I'm not a whore."

"Right, and Ganon is a good guy," Link snorted, rolling his eyes.

…That hurt. "…You don't respect me," Sheik announced quietly, his voice barely audible.

"No, I don't trust you!" Link corrected sharply. "How am I supposed to trust you when you don't even trust yourself?! You're not sure about anything, especially your feelings towards me! I mean what the fucking hell Sheik!? One minute you're hot, next minute you're cold. One minute you're screaming at me, the next minute you're all over me. What are you, some kind of fucking faucet??"

"You have no idea what I've been through," Sheik growled in return.

"And I'm sure I'm not interested. I mean, it's not helping me get my dick out of this tree now is it?"

"How can you be so cruel?" Sheik demanded, lifting his head off of Link's shoulder. "How can you be so cold and demanding without thought, without conscious?"

"The same way you can stand here and talk like I'm listening to you, like I actually care what you're saying."

"All you think about is sex!" Sheik growled. "There is nothing else that goes through your head, unless you think it's going to help you and your cock get some action!"

"And what's wrong with that??" Link tried to turn to see Sheik, but he forgot he was stuck. He immediately wished that he didn't, hissing against the pain it caused.

"There are other things in life besides sex!"

"Not from where I'm standing."

Sheik shook his head, his fingers uncurling from around Link's hips. He backed away slowly, his footsteps barely heard, even to Link's sensitive ears. "You will never save Hyrule if you don't learn."

"Please don't pester me with your disgusting speeches of how the Hero of Time is supposed to be the most purest source in Hyrule. My dick is already stuck in a tree; I don't want to puke on it."

"Most purest??" Sheik repeated, clearly appalled. "That's a double negative you anemic virus."

Link was sure that would've hurt if he understood either words.

"I'm not asking you to be anything or anyone but what I know you can be!" Sheik nearly shouted. "Somewhere under that vile exterior is that sweet little boy that I fell in love with 8 years ago! You were nowhere near the pillar of filth that's standing here with his favorite branch stuck in the only object that could possibly encompass his ego! You are a beautiful boy Link! You're very charming. And you are clever, and you are resourceful. You are focused, and you're courageous. You are the best warrior I've ever seen. You're thorough-you always finish what you start. You have so much potential, and you're wasting it all instead of using it to do some good, to help other people! No one said you had to be the Hero of Time, but destiny chose you for a reason! You need to stop and try to figure why."

Link blinked. "…did you just say you were in love with me?"

Sheik wanted to shriek. He wanted to drop to his knees, pull out his hair and cry. He wanted to bang his head repeatedly against the tree, until his skull burst and his brains bled through whatever crack was left. Instead, he kept his dignity. His voice was calm, clear and cool. It didn't crack, it didn't waver. He was actually surprised, considering how much emotional pain he was in. "Yes. And I'm sorry for it." He turned to leave.

"Where the fuck are you going?!" Link wanted to know, listening to his retreating footsteps. "I'm still stuck!"

"You don't need me anymore do you?" Sheik responded evenly. "You're just fine all on your own, in your little world of sex and violence. You obviously have room for nothing else." Then they faded away, his voice and his footsteps, leaving the elf all alone, still stuck between a rock and a hard place.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Link hated soap operas. They were worse than being given head with teeth. For the next hour he was desperately trying to figure out how to get out of the tree, but he couldn't concentrate. Sheik's words kept ringing in his ears. "Somewhere under that vile exterior is that sweet little boy that I feel in love with 8 years ago!" Yeah, that was really helping him.

He figured out exactly what Saria meant by how to get out of the tree. He had to cum. Doing a chicken/little boy obsessed lady for an egg was one thing, but doing a tree was another. He didn't want to go through the horrors of how exactly he got himself to cum, but once it happened, he blocked it out forever.

He found a lake nearby to rest in and wash out his clothes. Navi found him then, chattering his ear off, asking a million questions. Where was Sheik? Why did Link go missing all morning? Was Sheik with Link? Did Link finally have sex with Sheik? Link wanted to smack her but unfortunately she was too tiny. Instead he told her to fuck off.

"You're moody," Navi pouted audibly. "PMS?"

"No one said you had to be the Hero of Time, but destiny chose you for a reason! You need to stop and try to figure why."

"I just need to…" You were nowhere near the pillar of filth that's standing here with his favorite branch stuck in the only object that could possibly encompass his ego! Link stopped his statement, his pretty face marred by a scorn in regards to his unwanted thought. Funny how your conscious decided to prick you just when you didn't want it to.

Navi blinked innocently, waiting for her charge to finish his statement. "…Link?"

You are a beautiful boy Link!

"…Navi do you think I'm pretty?" he asked suddenly.

Navi somehow managed not to burst out laughing, to maintain her quiet-if sometimes annoying-fairy dignity. "If you promise not to put me in a jar anymore when I try to help you I'll tell you," she offered.

Link smirked in response. "Forget it. I'll just assume that you do, like every other girl I've ever run across."

The fairy snorted, rolling her flawless blue eyes. "You're full of it buddy," she muttered back.

"So I'm not attractive," Link accused without even thinking. "Is that what you're saying?"

Navi fluttered her wings, stifling a sarcastic comment that would earn her another eternity in a magical jar. "Do you think I'm attractive?" she countered.

"What? What the fuck does that have to do with anything??"

"You answer my question first and I will tell you the honest-to-gods truth about exactly how I feel about you," she offered sweetly.

That sounded fair. "Alright. I think you're gorgeous, but it doesn't count because you're annoying. Like a mosquito bite on your balls on a first date-you know, the itch you just can't scratch, because you know that if you do it'll cost you relatively 10-60 minutes of free nookie." Then he laughed at his own sick humor, because even when he was semi-depressed, he still managed to feel good about himself.

Navi sighed. "Fair's fair Link," she recited. "And what goes around comes around."

"…What the hell do I care for?" he snorted. "Just answer the question: do you or don't you think I'm pretty?"

That was her cue.

"Link, I think you're the most gorgeous think I've ever seen," she began as sweetly as she could. "But you are a grade A fucktard, absorbed in the hole in his dick. You breathe your own ego instead of oxygen. You don't want to do anything for anyone unless it directly benefits you. You are so caught up in the cyclone of your own awesomeness you don't even stop to realize the people around you who care more about you than you ever will for yourself. Because of this, one day you're going to wake up old, ugly and all alone. And you will have no one to blame but yourself."

He blinked. It took him a few moments to piece all of her words together into simple language he could understand, but when he finally did, he was appalled. "Ugly?" he snorted, rolling his eyes. "What you say may be true, but I will never be ugly."

"There is more to you than outside beauty Link," Navi explained patiently.

How can you be so cruel? How can you be so cold and demanding without thought, without conscious? "No there isn't," he pouted audibly.

Navi blinked. She could've been wrong but Link sounded…hurt. "Are you ok Link?" she questioned seriously.

Most purest?? That's a double negative you anemic virus. He would just assume that was an insult. "…He thinks I'm stupid," he muttered, more to himself than his fairy.

"Who thinks you're stupid honey?"

"Sheik," Link answered quietly, his eyes zoning out for a moment. All you think about is sex! There is nothing else that goes through your head, unless you think it's going to help you and your cock get some action! "…And selfish."

Navi giggled. "Honey, you are."

"Yeah but…"

Navi leaned forward, her ears eager to hear what was next. "But what dear?"

He hesitated slightly. "But…it…actually hurt," he finished quietly.

Navi tried to resist a "nyah nyah, I told you so!" moment. "You mean when he said it?"

"No, when he beamed the thoughts into my head genius," Link responded sarcastically. "Yes, it hurt when he said it."

She giggled again, more quietly this time. "Well well, here's a sight I thought I'd never see," she tsked lightly. "The Hero of Time has finally met his match."

"Rub it in why don't you," Link groaned, covering his face in embarrassment.

"What is it about this boy that has you going absolutely nuts?" Navi couldn't help asking. "I mean, you're blushing for gods' sakes. Are you embarrassed?"

"Yes!" he hissed almost immediately.

"Why? Because you actually like someone enough to value their opinion? Honey, that's normal. Couldn't have happened to a more deserving elf either,," she added as an afterthought.

"…Was that an insult?"

"You're not very bright are you?" she couldn't help noticing. "I'm just gonna take a wild guess and say you opened your big mouth and said something really Link-like and that made Sheik skip back to wherever it was he came from."

Link cursed inaudibly, glaring at his reflection in the water. "Who cares?" he finally snapped. "If he ran off because I told the truth then he wasn't really a friend to begin with."

"…You can really tell you're a loner," Navi couldn't help stating as the elf stood up.

"You wanna know why I never bothered to have friends Navi?" he questioned the fairy directly. "People are flakes. They'll disown you the minute you tell them the truth. They'll stab you in the back and leave you hanging in a moon minute. I don't know what all this bullshit is about me being selfish and lazy. The entire world is like me. They just aren't as honest. Everyone is using everyone else, masquerading it as 'manners' and 'friendship'. I'm the only one who sees the way people really are. I'm fine all by myself anyway. I always have been, and I always will be."

"What about Saria?" she countered. "She's your friend. She's always been your friend. She's always cared about you…"

"WRONG!" Link growled, glaring hard at his little companion. "Saria is a two-faced bitch. The instant I needed her she was gone-she used me. Just like everyone else in my life. She's only around when it's convenient for her."

She couldn't believe he'd say that about his best friend. "Link, that's not true! Saria loves you!"

"What the hell do you know?! You were assigned to me by a tree, with cancer! You didn't even know I existed until he told you I did! You don't know anything about me and Saria, about the shit she used to do to me just to save face. You think I like being like this?? You think I get a kick out of being alone all the time? I don't have anyone I can count on but my fucking horse, and I'm about to go pick her up as soon as I get dressed! But since Saria is such a damned saint, why don't you find her and fucking ask her how much she loves me! Let her recite all that psychological bullshit to you about my "condition", when all it really amounts to is she's a backstabbing whore who made me see there's no real reason to trust anyone ever!"

Ok, now he was just rambling. "What the hell are you talking about??" How did this go from him being pretty to "get the fuck away from me"?

"Let me clarify things for you: unless you're Epona or a rupee, I don't want to be bothered with another person as long as I live."

"But that isn't fair!" Navi protested. "I haven't done anything! I've been nothing but faithful to you-you can't pre-judge me on someone else's actions!"

"Faithful," he snorted, nodding in mock-agreement. "Like mothers? Or best friends? Or people who're supposed to help you with your quest to save the world but are too busy being righteous faucets??"

…What the hell.

"Everyone is saying I'm wrong!" Link continued as he got dressed. "And maybe I am! But for once, I want everyone to stand in my shoes, then come running back telling me what I can and can't be." And as soon as he put on his boots, he was gone.

Navi could've questioned him further. She could've ran after him and screamed at him for once again being such an insensitive jerk. Instead she decided to take him up on his offer, and ask Saria for the entire story. After all, the only other person who knew you better than your best friend was your mother.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Usually when people were confronted with things, they tended to deny them until proper evidence was given to support the accusation. But Saria didn't even try to deny it. She announced flat out that she wasn't one to be trifled with.

"I'm a bitch Navi," she stated frankly, crossing her legs. "That's why they made me the Sage of Forest. They didn't want a tree-hugging wuss. They wanted someone who could do the job."

They were in the clearing with the Deku Sprout. Saria wanted to make sure that the tree was getting the proper nurturing and nourishment that a magical tree should get. It was her job as the Forest Sage to help it grow into the new Guardian of the Kokiri kids. That's where Navi found her, showing the children how to take care of the soil around it. She looked so gentle with those children, directing them as a mother duck would with her children in the water. Imagine her surprise when Navi told Saria of Link's accusations, she didn't get denial. She got confirmation.

"I did," she admitted. "I made fun of him, and I called him names. I even threw rocks at him a few times." She shrugged it off like it was no big deal, pausing to delicately correct one of the children in their actions.

"…But why?" Navi wanted to know. "Why would you do that? Don't you know how much that hurt him?"

"Why?" Saria snorted. "Because he was a freak."

"But his mother…"

"Yes, I know," she admitted. "I found her body, and I felt sorry for him. But he had to grow up as one of us, and that meant standing up on your own two feet. As soon as he was able to we left him to fend for himself. That's the way it goes in these Woods. If you can't raise yourself then you're a nobody."

Navi was beyond pissed. She felt the heat rising to her wings, but she refrained from unleashing a can of unholy fairy whoop-ass just now. "Then why even befriend him?" she demanded. "Why pretend to care for someone you knew you were going to hurt in the end?"

Saria dismissed the children, watching them run off. Once they had their privacy she planted herself on one of the giant roots of the dead Deku tree, sighing heavily. "One day," she began solemnly, "I was in heat. I mean really bad. I was having flashes, and you know how nuts women get when they're in heat. On top of that a couple of kids thought it'd be funny to switch my tea cream with Lon Lon milk. So that just made it worse. Link was the only thing I could find, so I just grabbed him and…" She paused, shrugging again. "We fucked. It wasn't bad, for his first time. He got all clingy though, and I didn't have the heart to turn down someone so well endowed so I stuck around. He kind of grew on me."

"You used him?!" Navi nearly screeched.

"I don't know," she laughed. "I guess I did. Like at first. Then he kind of grew on me. I mean a lot. In fact I fell in love with him. That didn't stop me from taunting him with the other kids though, but I was there to help him lick his wounds." She stared at her nails, smiling to herself in secret thought. "He has a very gifted orifice in the middle of his face," she stated lightly. "His mouth…oh gods. He'll make you scream in every fucking language you know. Pretty good at bondage too…"

"I can't believe you!" Navi stammered. "I cannot believe that you would use him like that! You really, genuinely hurt him! He doesn't trust anyone because of you!"

Saria laughed. "Good," she grinned. "He's better that way. I mean if he was rattling off friendship speeches every fucking three seconds I'd claw his eyes out and feed them to Gannondorf. Besides, I already got my kick in the ass. Not only am I in love with that fuck, but I lost a bet because of him. If he just would've fucked Sheik none of this would've happened."

"What the hell are you talking about??"

"Oh, I made this bet with Rauru," she rattled off casually. "That I could get Sheik and Link to fuck. So I got Sheik drunk off of Lon Lon milk, thinking that Link would come and take advantage of such a feeble state. But nope. Link decides to go all noble on me and respect Sheik's condition. He says he doesn't want to be a rapist or some shit. Thanks to him I'm cleaning the Temple of Sages for an entire week, and giving Rauru massages. Full body. Ugh."

"…Let me get this straight," Navi started out calmly. "You tortured him as a child, you used him, you're continuing to use him, you're not sorry for anything you've done to damage him and you think I'm supposed to just let you get away with this?"

"No, I know you are," she laughed. "I'm the Forest Sage. You're a Forest Fairy. I will kick your ass and you know it. Besides, Link is naïve. For all that wolfing he does he still thinks I love him. I mean, I'm his first crush. He wouldn't believe you even if you told him."

Navi shook her head. Link was right. With friends like Saria, he didn't need enemies.

::-:: ::-:: ::-::

Fiery red hair swept across sun-colored skin. Blue eyes stared at credible handiwork, as skilled hands wiped themselves on a stained apron. That was much better; now the barn didn't smell so much like shit. She stared at her pets, smiling as Epona nudged her gently in affection. "Yeah, yeah," she grinned. "You're welcome."

Malon made it her business to work hard at whatever it was she put her mind to. Now that Talon was gone, Ingo ran the ranch, but the work was left up to her. And she worked. She loved it too-she worked hard for years. It sculpted her body, made her more like an Amazon than the dainty little female elf that she had been seven years ago. Time was good to Malon. She was nowhere near the cute, giggly thing that Link knew when he was a little boy. In fact, walking in on her, he barely recognized her.

"…Red?"

Only one person called her that. Malon turned around, her eyes lighting up as they rested on his familiar face. Boy, was he a sight for sore eyes. She started to smile, but then stopped. Link wasn't exactly happy to see her. He looked more like distressed or possibly sad. He looked hurt. It was in his eyes, although he desperately tried to hide it. Link never did like anyone to know he was in pain. He wore a brave face even when he was falling apart inside. Like now. "Link…"

He shook his head. "I just want my horse," he announced. "I have things to do."

"But you can stay for a little while, right?"

"No," he said firmly. "Malon I have things to do. I can't stay."

"What's the rush?" she wanted to know. "You've stayed for days before."

"Tight schedule," he answered, walking up to Epona. "I have to save Hyrule, even though I have no real reason to."

"You're going to fight Ganondorf?" she interpreted. "By yourself??"

He started to saddle up his horse impatiently. "Yes."

"Link, you can't…"

"Red, please!" he pleaded. "I don't want to hear it! I'd like to go the next few minutes without getting lectured!" He'd like to go the rest of his life if at all possible.

"Can I give you a reason to let me speak?" she asked timidly, the unmistakable sound of cloth dropping catching his sensitive Elvin hearing. He turned towards her, his eyes immediately fixed on the sight in front of him.

Time had been good to Malon, very good to her. She had filled out considerably. She had breasts a nursing mother would be jealous of, firm beautiful things about the size of cantaloupes. Her arms were quite toned, as her were calves. And the rest of her…well, he really didn't get to see the rest of her, or at least to examine it thoroughly, because the next thing he knew, she had him pinned against the floor, and was trying frantically to get him out of his clothes.

When they were younger, it was different. She was inexperienced, so there was a lot of fumbling, but he was patient with her. He promised to teach her. She must've been practicing when he was away because now her movements were more fluid. She was less shaky, more confident. He was surprised at how tender she was-they'd never had sex like this, not even on their wildest nights.

Of course, after the tree incident, he was surprised he could even get it up, but if the body was willing, who was he to deny it? The last thing he had to come close to a girl was the Cucco Lady. That was something he just wanted to block out of his mind forever.

"You're being distant," she whispered softly in his ear, bringing him back down to Earth.

He did feel out of it. He apologized with a kiss and continued, but it wasn't really an improvement. She was being so attentive and he was being so vague, as if he were scared of something. She was trying to keep him interested but every time she showed an inkling of emotion he withdrew further and further into himself. He was distracted. It was emotionless, cold. He put no thought, no feeling into it. He was just going through the motions just to keep her happy. That was disappointing.

At the end of it all he knew he hadn't done his best. He apologized but even that was half-hearted.

"If your heart wasn't in it Link, then why didn't you tell me so?" she wanted to know. Like every other woman, she didn't like leftovers in bed. But at least she was being gentle about it. If she had screamed at him he probably would've just thrown himself into Lake Hyrule right then and there to drown.

"I'm sorry," he said again, his voice void of any type of feeling whatsoever. And he left it at that.

She wouldn't argue. She wouldn't press him. He obviously wanted to be left alone, so she grabbed her dress and pulled it back over her head. "I love you," she announced faithfully as she stood up.

Link sighed. "No. You don't."