Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction / Other Fan Fiction ❯ Protecting the Lion ❯ Trouble Sleeping ( Chapter 39 )

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Trouble Sleeping

 

The unsettled instructor did not stop splashing her face with cold water until the sound of her glasses clattering into the sink reached her ears.

 

Turning the tap off, she reached a hand out to retrieve the wire-framed lenses. Setting them on the dark marble counter top that molded to the matching basin, Quistis sighed heavily.

 

Still in a state of shock, she patted her face dry with a hand towel folded nearby.

 

The image kept playing before her eyes. Not horrified, but definitely in shock. After constantly being around a distant and aloof Squall, especially after the war, she'd come to believe that it truly was the brunet's true self. A part of her had always believed that there was some underlying reason, a reason for the ice.

 

As a concerned instructor, spurred on subconsciously by their past together, she'd tried to break through. Squall seemed to have so much promise and potential, a life that could lead him to great things and happiness. There was just something about the young man that made her feel that way, the very moment she'd first seen that bright eyed gaze.

 

But, to see him so isolated and cut off from the world was frustrating. She was trained to help cadets develop both fighting skills and the ability to mature, to interact with the world beyond Garden walls. And for all her training, she'd failed as an instructor, never reaching Squall.

 

Then, the war had begun, a sorceress war the likes of which none had seen before. Standing out among all others, Squall shone brightly as some beacon of strength and hope. His personality didn't seem to hinder him in the least, in fact, people seemed to respond to it for some reason. Always staring off pensively, those gray-blue eyes holding a wisdom that even she had to bow down to, the Commander never let them down.

 

It was surprising to learn that Squall hadn't wanted any of it, to know how much the brunet detested the spotlight, even when he seemed born for it.

 

She'd thought that it was just that wall, the separating barrier that kept them from getting too close. If they could bring the real Squall out, then being the leader would become something the Commander would enjoy.

 

The small changes she'd seen in Squall after Rinoa showed up made her believe that Squall was returning to his old self. Though, she couldn't exactly remember Squall never being as he was now. Memories were not the most reliable sources. They could be distorted and taken away, or even imagined. So, while she believed that Squall had been a happy little boy at one point, she honestly couldn't recall hearing any laughter or seeing any smiles.

 

When the dust had settled, it became apparent that Squall was either too stubborn to change or simply couldn't.

 

She hadn't been certain that it wasn't some defensive act until Rinoa had left. While guilt had presented itself within herself, Squall didn't seem to even care that she'd been trying to push for him to change who he was.

 

And suddenly, Rinoa was back, but Squall was dating Seifer…

 

When did such drastic changes take place? Hadn't Squall told her that nothing had been going prior to the knight's return? That would mean, less than a week ago.

 

Seifer Almasy and Squall Leonhart?

 

Her two most promising students. Garden's most promising students. Both gunblade specialists, both following the same academic path, both containing character flaws that she'd perceived as weaknesses that needed to be fixed, and both archrivals. There had hardly been a single day when the two weren't at each other's throats.

 

Now the rivals were more than students to her, they were her childhood friends. The professional barrier had been thrown away once she'd stepped down as an instructor. She no longer felt any age gap to anyone else, and was simply a member of their group. But Squall was their leader, and Seifer was the one who had betrayed them and left.

 

Bearing no grudge, Quistis had relied on the ex-knight's services. It was the same character flaw of over arrogance within the blond that would serve as a tool. No one else had been able to invoke such drastic reactions from the Commander as Seifer had. Even if it was anger, it was more than any of them could manage, even Rinoa.

 

Musing to herself, Quistis wondered if Squall and Seifer's ludicrous relationship actually made sense. They had always fought, but if anything happened to one of them, the other was their to help. Kadowaki was the only other person who knew just how often the pair of them had wound up in the infirmary, and they were usually together, even if only one of them was injured.

 

Squall was introverted, only ever coming out of his shell on rare occasions. Yet, those occasions were never rare around Seifer.

 

There had never been any indications of suppressed feelings in either of the boys, not even when she searched for it specifically.

 

She couldn't begin to fathom why or how it began, but the attraction seemed to have been more than mutual. She'd never seen Squall so….

 

Before the Head Instructor could finish that thought she shook her head. It wasn't her business, not unless Squall's was being hurt in some way.

 

With a small smile, Quistis realized that Squall had actually told her about the relationship directly. It was nice to know that her friendship meant something, or at least be reminded that Squall did view her as someone close enough to be informed.

 

Knowing as a certainty that she'd never make it through dinner without blushing furiously at least once, she decided to stop stalling.

 

As she stepped out, she found Seifer setting down a second plate of food on the coffee table before the couch. The chicken stir-fry looked delicious, and the prospect of vanilla pudding was all that kept her from smacking Seifer upside the head for his previous antagonizing.

 

Seifer straightened up, giving grin to the blonde haired instructor. He could sense more than see the glare Squall was giving him. “Sorry `bout that Trepe, didn't mean to embarrass you,” he apologized.

 

“I'm sure,” Quistis replied coolly. She suddenly felt rather sympathetic for Squall, having to put up with the cocky knight.

 

Upon moving closer, the young woman noticed some reddened bruising around Seifer's right eye. Unable to contain her amusement at the idea that Squall had punished the blond for bad behavior, she started to laugh.

 

Green eyes narrowed as Seifer realized what the woman was laughing at. Gesturing to his eye he said, “This is nothing. Squall's not gonna let me fuck him tonight.” With his own internal laughter, Seifer watched as Trepe abruptly fell silent and blushed.

 

“Stop being an ass!” Squall half cried out from the kitchen, where his own blushing cheeks could not be seen. He was only now beginning to realize what he'd gotten himself into. Dealing with Seifer's behavior was going to drive him insane.

 

“Shit, I bet it's two nights now,” the blond whispered barely loud enough for the instructor to hear.

 

“Dammit Seifer,” Squall cursed. If the sex had been any less gratifying then he would end it all right then.

 

Mouth slightly agape, Seifer turned to look towards the open doorway to the kitchen. “How'd he hear me?” he thought aloud.

 

Crystal blue eyes blinked a few times before registering where the renewed feeling of amusement was coming from. They were acting like an old married couple. Suppressing her laughter, Quistis cleared her throat. As Squall joined them with a plate of his own, the portions noticeably smaller than either her own or Seifer's, she stated bluntly, “I'm definitely going to need some time to absorb this.”

 

Squall gave a small nod of understanding.

 

Seifer looked from one SeeD to the other. Judging from the way in which Trepe was acting, he'd say she was probably a closer friend than he'd initially thought. Having had his fun, he would try to earn some brownie points and do the rest of the explaining. “You can imagine that we were a bit thrown by it too,” he said while taking a seat on the far end of the dark blue couch.

 

With a smile of understanding, Quistis looked at it from their perspective. No doubt, that if they hadn't started anything until the knight's recent return, then they had surely been thrown for more than a small surprise. “I can imagine,” she commented with underlying mirth. Having nurtured the two as students, she'd been given a better idea than most, of just how much the duo had clashed heads.

 

She would definitely need time to think about it all and absorb it. With a heavy sigh, she sat down to the hot meal. Not quite the end to her day that she'd been hoping for, she knew that it could have been worse.

 

**

 

Curled up on his side, Squall lay on the snow covered ground. His head was cradled within the Shiva's lap.

 

Again in the clearing in the woods, the Commander remained silent as his Guardian Force gently stroked his hair. It was an odd comfort that he'd become accustomed to. Shiva had picked up on this and begun to pet the choppy strands the moment he'd allowed her to direct his head into her lap.

 

“Are there other attacks aside from Diamond Dust?” Squall asked, his voice resounded through the silent area. With no snowfall or blowing wind, they were placed in the dead of night.

 

“That is not what truly concerns you my lion,” the ageless Guardian's voice responded.

 

Scowling at the white expanse before his gray-blue eyes, Squall was resigned to Shiva's all knowing senses. “You know then?” he questioned, still too stubborn to give in so easily.

 

“I know, but not from prying,” her ethereal voice assured. Unable to read minds as the lion before her sometimes perceived, she simply knew from experience.

 

With a sigh, Squall sought her advice. “I don't know what to do. How do I know? How can I tell?”

 

Smiling lightly, Shiva looked down on the troubled lion. “Tell what?” she asked smoothly.

 

Sounding a groan of annoyance, Squall was resigned to complying with the woman's way. “I don't know what love is,” he stated firmly. “No,” he corrected, uncertainty marring the usually confident voice, “I know what it is, but I don't know how to… identify it.”

 

Amused laughter filled the clearing.

 

Squall frowned in annoyance, shifting to sit up. Glaring at his Guardian, he waited for her laughing to subside.

 

With a sympathetic glance, which only served to deepen the brunet's frown, Shiva commented, “That's absurd.”

 

“Absurd?” Squall questioned incredulously. He would have been better off seeking Seifer's help after all.

 

“Of course you can love.” Watching the young man's eyes carefully, she explained, “You cannot break it down into a technical meaning. There are no books that can help you, and there is no number of hours that will help with practicing it. You will know when you feel it, but not unless you let yourself go first.”

 

Puzzled, Squall asked, “Haven't I already done that? I'm with Seifer now, how much further can I let myself go?”

 

More laughter filled the clearing. “You are truly a wonder,” she commented through her mirth.

 

Furrowing his brows, Squall stood up. “Why do I get the feeling that you're not going to offer me any more words of advice?”

 

“I will, when you've heeded my first suggestion,” the guardian replied, standing up to an even height. Her graceful stature was much like Squall's own. Except, her delicate features were hardly ever caught in a scowl or frown.

 

Looking up, into the starry night sky, Shiva gave a soft sigh. “You have a visitor,” she whispered before connecting eyes with the brunet.

 

Squall mumbled something too low to be heard, and gave a small nod of understanding.

 

**

 

Having slowly drifted back to consciousness, a process that didn't always happen with the flip of a switch, Squall lazily opened his eyes.

 

The darkness of his bedroom was permeated by moonlit shadows. He immediately began to look for Seifer, but a single glance to the door showed that no one had entered.

 

Frowning, Squall continued to look around even after he was certain the blond was not there. The fact that he felt disappointed was what stopped him from continuing his search.

 

Why should he feel disappointed that Seifer wasn't there? After all, hadn't he been the one to strictly tell Seifer to sleep in his own room that night?

 

The sudden pricking of sharp claws jolted him back to reality. Shiva had said there was a visitor, and she had been right.

 

Propping himself up on his arms, he stared down sardonically at the dark eyed cat. Yellow irises rimmed the wide pupils, he imagined his own eyes were as dilated in the dark room.

 

Gabriel sat on his right side, two paws digging into his thigh. Upon glaring down, the animal seemed to realize that claws were no longer needed to wake the sleeping man. Extracting them, which was just as painful as piercing the skin in the first place, the black cat stood on all four limbs and swished its tail.

 

With a sigh, Squall ran a hand over his sleep hazy face, gruffly rubbing to wake himself up completely. He noticed that the blanket was strewn to the foot of the bed, one side spilling over onto the floor. Judging from a similar state of the sheets beneath himself, he'd say he'd been tossing about quite a bit.

 

Yawning, he regarded the cat again. “What do you want?” he questioned, knowing Gabriel usually didn't wake him up.

 

Unable to vocalize an intelligible answer, the small creature turned and padded its way across the bed. Hopping down to the furnished wooden floor, its dark form moved to the door and sat expectantly.

 

Groaning, Squall swung his legs over the edge of the bed. “If you didn't want to be cooped up then you shouldn't have hidden in my room in the first place,” he chastised while standing up.

 

Holding open the door for Gabriel, Squall yawned again, waiting for the cat to leave. It took him a moment to realize that Gabriel wasn't moving. “Spoiled,” Squall cursed at the feline.

 

Conceding to the cat's demanding ways, the brunet simply left his bedroom door cracked open. If Gabriel wanted to come and go as he pleased, then far be it from him to stand in the spoiled creature's way.

 

Flopping back down on to the bed, Squall felt as though he hadn't gotten any sleep. He knew that he couldn't go anywhere until at least seven o'clock, since Seifer would throw a fit. A glance at the glowing green of the digital clock on his dresser's top told him it was three in the morning.

 

Sitting up, he reached down to grasp the blanket he'd tossed off at some point during the night. Pulling it impatiently, it billowed up before settling over his curled up form. If he'd been asleep the whole time, then he shouldn't feel so tired.

 

Stubbornly, he forced himself to lay still and await the claim of slumber. It had taken him a solid hour the first time. If he didn't fall asleep soon, then there would be no point. Lying on his back, he tried to empty his head and hurry the process along.

 

“Oomph,” the small knocking of air from his chest came with the unexpected weight placed on it. The small form of Gabriel stared at him, sitting on his chest after jumping and landing gracefully.

 

“You're getting fat,” Squall insulted, rolling over so that the black creature would be forced to move or fall.

 

Gabriel seemed amused, and simply balanced while walking along the brunet's shifting body. Sitting again, on the curving slop of the Commander's hip, the cat stared down expectantly.

 

Chuckling lightly, Squall reached a hand out and patted the soft fur of Gabriel's head. “Lead the way,” he conceded, knowing how the stubborn creature could be relentless.

 

Again, Gabriel moved away, not stopping until beside the door.

 

This time, Squall took the hint for what it really was and left his bedroom. With the small creature in tow, he slowed down until Gabriel passed by.

 

“You're lucky I couldn't sleep,” he commented dryly, following the black cat into the kitchen.

 

“You're hungry?” he questioned. Hadn't the animal spent the whole day in the cafeteria? Having seen for himself just how much food every student slipped under the table, he couldn't believe that anyone, person or otherwise, could consume so much in one day.

 

Rolling his gray-blue eyes, Squall stood in front of the fridge. The descending moon shone through the open blinds brightly, lighting the kitchen quite well. The pale rays gleamed off the shiny surface of the refrigerator. Reaching out to open the door, deciding to grab the first thing that he saw and set it down for Gabriel to pig-out on, Squall stopped abruptly.

 

There was a small hook beside the fridge, one that he'd always stored his apron on. While it should have been vacant, protruding discretely on its own, it was not. Forgetting about the feeding Gabriel, Squall instead reached for the dark garment that hung there now.

 

Furrowing his brows, he held it aloft, seeing it in a better lighting. With a single loop at the top to secure about his neck and thin straps to wrap around his waist, Squall stared at the navy blue material. It was longer than his other one, falling just below his knees. His brows furrowed deeper when his eyes settled on a silver emblem embroidered into the fabric. Placed on the upper right side, left if he were to wear it just above his heart, was an exact replica of Griever's charm hanging off his gunblade hilt.

 

For a moment of speechless silence, Squall just stared and wondered why Seifer hadn't mentioned it.

 

“That moron,” he finally hissed out, breaking the silence.

 

Gently hanging the cooking accessory back, Squall stepped back. Staring another few moments at it, he frowned. Looking down at his chest, he placed a hand over his heart. It was beating faster and there was this swelling feeling of excitement or joy within him.

 

Clutching at his shirt he wondered at his reaction. Was he really so elated at something so ridiculous. Hadn't Seifer ruined his perfectly good one in the first place? Why did it matter? It was a silly piece of cloth used to keep from getting food on his clothes.

 

Still frowning at the unwanted feelings welling inside, Squall gazed at the closed door of Seifer's bedroom.

 

`Stupid knight,' he shouted mentally to the sleeping blond.

 

Wrenching open the fridge, he grabbed a bowl of the left over chicken stir-fry. Setting it down for Gabriel, he walked back towards his bedroom.

 

Before he could enter, his eyes were drawn to the closed door only a few feet away. Tearing his focus away, he looked into the darker setting of his own bedroom. The mussed sheets were only one indication that he hadn't slept well. The still exhausted feeling he had was another.

 

Sighing in defeat, he gave in to whatever ridiculous longing his body had. Stepping back, he changed his direction and silently padded towards Seifer's room. Slowly opening the door just enough to admit his lithe frame, Squall stepped inside.

 

He half expected the arrogant knight to be sitting up wide awake, a knowing smirk across that handsome face. However, Seifer was sleeping, and he wasn't sure if he should be grateful for that.

 

Quietly stealing closer, Squall was afraid to wake the blond, lest he cause the instinctive defensive reaction that was ingrained into all soldiers.

 

In a moment of indecision, Squall stood before Seifer's bed, debating whether or not to leave. If he'd been able to fall asleep before, then he could do it again. It wasn't like he needed Seifer to be there, holding him. Although, he couldn't deny the pronounced feeling of loss within himself upon lying down without a warm body wrapped around him.

 

Groaning inwardly at his own weakness, Squall bit his lip and moved forward. The moment his weight shifted the mattress, green eyes snapped open. Seifer stared at him for a moment, the stiff structure beneath the blanket evidence that the knight had been about to react. However, the blond's form relaxed the moment their eyes locked.

 

There was no smarmy grin, no goading comments, and no self-righteous gleam to those dark green eyes. In a smooth movement, Seifer raise an arm and threw the covers back. The invitation was blatant.

 

Brows furrowed, Squall wondered why he continued to hesitate, after already deciding this was what he wanted.

 

Seifer never spoke, only waited patiently.

 

Searching the blond's eyes, Squall didn't move. It was always surprising when he misjudged Seifer's reactions. He had expected the older boy to gloat over the fact that he was restless without a strong touch. He had expected Seifer to rub it in, to make some comment about how Seifer Almasy could make anybody want him.

 

But, there was none of that, and this threw Squall. It was then that understanding sunk in. Those avid eyes, that had been shut in sleep only moments ago, mirrored his own longing. Seifer had been just as restless, just as uneasy without him nearby.

 

Suppressing a small grin at the realization that he wasn't the only one suffering, Squall promptly crawled forward. Before he could lie down, strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him closely into place.

 

With his back arched, the brunet conformed against the knight's body. With the covering of a blanket, Squall closed his eyes and rested his head beneath the blond's jaw, half nuzzling the warm neck upon smelling that comforting spicy scent.

 

As the soft stroking of his hair began, he nearly protested his body's reaction. He was warm and comfortable, and with the feel of Seifer's arms around him, he felt sleep curling like ensnaring tendrils.