~*Yuna*~'s Final Fantasy Talk Show Chapter 3

By YunaAngelOfHell

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the SquareSoft characters because I'm not rich and famous. ::cries::

~*Yuna*~: ::sits down in a chair:: hello again!! Welcome to my final fantasy talk show!!!!

Audience: ::applauds::

~*Yuna*~: today we're gonna talk about weird stuff!!

Audience: ::applauds again::

Someone in the audience: my hands hurt from applauding too much!

~*Yuna*~: ::to someone in the audience:: then you shouldn't have come!!

Someone in the audience: then I'm leaving!!

~*Yuna*~: oh, no you don't! ::presses a button and a locked cage appears around the audience::

Someone in the audience: AAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~*Yuna*~: ::clears throat::…moving on…

Audience: ::applauds::

~*Yuna*~: back to the weird stuff…our first guest is eiko!!

Audience: ::applauds as eiko comes onstage and sits down in the chair closest to ~*Yuna*~::

~*Yuna*~: hi, eiko. How are you?

Eiko: I'm fine, thank you. You?

~*Yuna*~: I'm doing just great. ::glares at the audience::

~*Yuna*~: so…what is the weird thing you wanted us to talk about?

Eiko: well, the weird thing in my life is that I was pregnant with vivi's kids at the age of 6

Audience: ::gasps::

~*Yuna*~: wow…that's gotta be a record

:: an huge screen popped out of nowhere behind eiko that said in flashing letters: PREGNANT AT 6

YEARS OLD!!!!:: (Courtesy of our beloved Backstage workers. ^_^)

~*Yuna*~: how did it happen??

Eiko: well, I don't really know…

~*Yuna*~: well, that's just great, 'cause we have vivi backstage and ready to come out to tell us the weird

story!!!!!!!! ::in walkie talkie:: send vivi in, please

Backstage Workers: ok! ::sends vivi onstage::

Audience: ::boos and applauds as vivi walks onstage::

Vivi: ::sits down next to eiko:: hello!

~*Yuna*~: hello. Do you know why you're here?

Vivi: uhh…no?

~*Yuna*~: ok…you are here because we need for you to explain how you got eiko pregnant

Vivi: ::thinking:: uh-oh…

Vivi: uh…you see…it all happened the day after zidane supposedly died…eiko was really sad and…we got

drunk…

~*Yuna*~: I didn't know 6 and 9-year-olds could drink alcohol…

Eiko: funny…I don't remember any of that…

Vivi: that was because we were drunk on sake

Eiko: but I don't drink sake!

~*Yuna*~: well, it seems like you did, cause I have it aaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllll on videotape

Eiko & Vivi: really?!

~*Yuna*~: well…yeah, of course. This is a talk show, isn't it? But we'll watch the video after this

commercial break!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~

Cloud: ::in a corny voice:: hello, and welcome to the commercial for the miracle liquid called The Miracle

Liquid!!!!!!!

Tifa: what does this liquid do???

Cloud: well, tifa, I sure am glad you asked!! The Miracle Liquid can revive anyone with only ONE

GALLON!!!

Tifa: what are the procedures???????

Cloud: well, basically, you just have to pour the liquid on the dead person

Tifa: how do I know that this'll work?

Cloud: well, we'll demonstrate this on Aeris, who is officially dead!!! ::whispers to Tifa:: she is dead in the game, right?

Tifa: ::whispers back:: yes, she is. If not, then it was a mistake to put her in the lake…

Some Workers: ::carry in aeris on a stretcher::

Cloud: ok, now I shall pour the liquid on Aeris!! ::pours the liquid on Aeris::

Aeris: ::wakes up from the dead:: wow!! I'm alive again!!!

Tifa & Cloud: ::gasps and puts their hands on their faces:: it works!

Cloud: now you have proof that the liquid really works!!!! To buy The Miracle Liquid, please call 398-432-

3244-6546-6545-9723 with your credit card ready or send you check or money to The Miracle Liquid, 39448923rd Street,

P.O. Box 09384, Midgar, Final Fantasy World 03984. This liquid ONLY costs 9384 payments of FIFTY CENTS!!! That's a great bargain, 'cause it costs FIVE DOLLARS in stores!!

Tifa: so call now to revive your loved ones!!

Cloud: ::thinking the camera's turned off:: whew! I never thought this day would end!!

Tifa: ::thinking the camera's off too:: yeah, and it was a good thing that aeris was dead in the game, or they

never would've believed us if it was someone else!!

Aeris: ::knows that the camera's are still on and whispers that to tifa and cloud::

Tifa & Cloud: ::eyes grow wide::

Tifa: uh-oh…

Cloud: oh, well! ::shrugs:: let's have a threesome!!

Tifa & Aeris: ok!!

End of Commercial

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~

~*Yuna*~: welcome back! We are now ready for the video!!! ::in walkie talkie:: play the videotape on THE BIG SCREEN

BW: roger!! ::plays the video on THE BIG SCREEN::

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~******************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Video

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~******************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

A/N: There are incomprehensible words because people talk like that we they're drunk. (I think.)

At a bar…

Eiko: ::drinks some sake out of a bottle and sighs:: man, I vish zidan would com bak sho me!!

Vivi: uhh…I think you've have a little too much sake, eiko ::tries to take the bottle away from eiko::

Eiko: NO!!! ::holds the bottle out of vivi's reach::

Vivi: wow…I never knew 6-year-olds drunk sake

Freya: no, it's not 6-year-olds, it's all the white mages!! ::points to garnet, who's had twice as much sake as eiko did::

Garnet: hey, vivi! Vat's up?!? Ya wanna feel like you're in heven??

Vivi: uhh…no

Garnet: all vite ::falls down unconscious::

Freya: I'll take her to the hospital ::drags garnet away::

Eiko: hey, vivi! ::tries to poke vivi but ends up giving him a black eye::

Vivi: owww…what??

Eiko: want some sake????

Vivi: uh…sure…

::The video fast-forwards and vivi and eiko could be seen drinking many bottles of sake; then it plays

again::

Vivi & Eiko could be seen talking to each other.

Eiko: man, am I shad!

Vivi: ::stumbling around:: vy yoo shad????????

Eiko: me shad cos shidan gone

Vivi: don't be shad, iko

Eiko: I'll be shad ven I vant to be shad!! ::slaps vivi::

Vivi: shtop hitting me!! ::slaps eiko::

Eiko: how dar yoo!!! ::slaps vivi back::

And so they begin a slap war and soon, the little mages start to…::cough cough:: you know the rest. ^_^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~******************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

End of The Video

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~******************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~

(When the video stops, the big flashing PREGNANT AT SIX YEARS OLD!! came back on THE BIG

SCEEN.)

~*Yuna*~: ewww…I think they filmed a little too much

Eiko: yeah, I know!! I never knew I could do that stuff!!

Vivi: I didn't even know that they were filming it! How dare they!

~*Yuna*~: gee…I would've thought you guys would expect that. I mean, this is a talk show

A/N: I have nothing against talk shows, FYI.

~*Yuna*~: well, now you know how Eiko got pregnant, peeps

Eiko: hey, are we done now? I wanna get some sake

Vivi: me too!!!

~*Yuna*~: uhh…I think you guys need a babysitter

Selphie: I'll volunteer!!

~*Yuna*~: ok, you'll get 2000 Gils an hour ::thinking:: if you survive, heh heh

Selphie: yay! I'll be rich!!

Eiko & Vivi: come Selphie dear, we'll have fun. ::foam could be barely seen in their mouths::

Selphie: uhh…heh, heh…is this safe?

Selphie: ::screams bloody murder as vivi and eiko drag her away::

~*Yuna*~: hee hee hee…oh, hi ::notices the caged audience:: that's the end of our "Weird Stuff!!"

episode! Join us next time on ~*Yuna*~'s Final Fantasy Talk Show for the next episode: "Secret

Revealed"!!!

Audience: ::claps wildly as ~*Yuna*~ walks off the stage::

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

5 Hours Later…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Someone in the Audience: uhh…~*Yuna*~?! You there!? I think we might want to get out now! ::starts to

bang on the cage:: ~*YUNA*~!?! ANYONE!?!?

Hehe, I added that little scene at the end. Isn't the revised version better? REVIEW!!

Love and Peace of Cake,

YunaAngelOfHell