Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Aftertaste of Ashes ❯ Part 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Warm lips traveled down his throat and a lock of hair tickled his skin. He was very ticklish and tried to squirm away from it at the same time he arched into the roaming mouth. A needy groan rumbled in his chest and earned him a pleased chuckle.

"You're still so sensitive."

Cloud opened his eyes to find a violet pair gazing down fondly at him.

"Zack..." he breathed.

"Hello, Spike."

Cloud threw his arms around Zack's neck, pulling him down. He trembled and heard gasping cries coming from himself. Zack was solid under his hands. He could even smell the scent of Zack's skin and, and...oh gods, it had been so *long*, so badly missed, the feeling of warmth and safety and love he always associated with Zack. Cloud couldn't help but cling and a whimper of protest escaped his throat when Zack pulled away to look at him.

"This is just a dream, you know," Zack said, but even in a dream his eyes glowed with love and tenderness. He cupped Cloud's cheek in a large palm. "I shouldn't be doing this, but I needed to talk to you."

"Zack, I miss you so much," Cloud's voice shook with strain. "Zack, I'm...I'm so *sorry*."

Zack shook his head and put a finger over Cloud's lips to still the pained apology. Cloud felt himself drowning in the love, the strength, the admiration he could see in Zack's face.

"The only thing you need to apologize for is the needless recrimination you put yourself through. This guilt is unnecessary, Cloud. I made a choice, and I would do it over and over again to keep you safe. I wanted you to live, Spike. I wanted you to be happy. You deserved the chance. You still do."

"You should have been the one to survive," Cloud whispered, his lips brushing Zack's fingers with each word.

"No," Zack shook his head and leaned forward to kiss Cloud's temple. "Events happened the way they were supposed to."

Cloud leaned into the touch, his eyes closing as he let himself just bask in the gentle touch. When he opened them Zack had moved away and was watching him with a fond and rueful look on his face. Cloud lifted a hand to bring him back.

"Zack?"

"Not my place to do that anymore, kiddo. You have someone waiting for you, someone else who loves you, and he should be the one you turn to, not me."

"Reno," Cloud said, and an image of tangles of red hair and laughing, teasing eyes swam across his vision. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

"Don't," Zack interrupted. "I never expected you to be alone forever. I wouldn't ever want that."

"But."

"No. He loves you. You can love him back if you let yourself."

"Loves me?" Cloud shook his head. "He wants me. I know that, but..."

"Loves you, Spike. He may not have said it, yet, but he's in love with you, and you're worrying him." Zack sighed and shook his head in exasperation. "Still so unsure of your own worth, aren't you?"

"I'm not...I'm just...He's..." Cloud faltered. Recent memories of gentle hands soothing him after a particularly bad nightmare, kisses meant for comfort instead of passion, unguarded delight illuminating green eyes whenever a soft smile was teased from him. "He's..."

"In love with you, wants to protect you, and wants to make you happy," Zack finished the sentence with absolute conviction. "All the things you *do* deserve, Cloud, whether you believe it or not."

"I miss you so much, Zack," Cloud said miserably.

Zack's face softened. "I know you do, but, as much as I wish I could, I can't be with you anymore. I'm breaking a few rules as it is just to talk to you like this."

Cloud couldn't help the small burst of laughter. "You were always breaking rules. I suspect you're no different now, and Aeris is having a lively time keeping you in line."

"You wound me, Spike." Zack feigned a hurt, innocent look and dramatically placed a hand over his heart. "As if I would give that lovely lady any trouble." Zack sobered. "He's worrying, and the love and worry he feels is affecting him. There's coming a time when that distraction is going to place everything in jeopardy."

Guilt and an icy spike of fear seized Cloud's chest. "If it's that bad maybe I should just break it off."

Zack reached over and cuffed the back of his head. "Wrong answer. Gods, you're so stubborn! Love is not a weakness, Spike. The two of you are stronger together. Let go of the damned guilt and you'll see that I'm right." Zack's form was starting to look less sharp and clear. "Time's almost up."

"What do you mean? Zack?" Cloud asked fearfully and stretched his hand towards Zack. A renewed ache of loss streaked through him when it passed right through Zack like a wisp of smoke. "Don't leave me again!"

Cloud felt a whisper of touch against his cheek. "Time to wake up and go home. Give your heart and your trust to Reno, Cloud. You've already started to. If it's my blessing you need, well, you have it, but you don't need anyone's permission to be happy. Cherish it. Fight for it. Don't let anyone take it away from you." Zack was just a faded outline of color now. "Cloud, a madman as egotistical as Hojo wouldn't stop with just cloning his favorite experiment."

"Don't leave me again! Zack! Please, please don't leave me alone again," Cloud begged, throwing any scrap of pride to the wind. He was starting to shake with cold now that Zack's warmth was nearly gone.

"You're not alone, Cloud. Go home. Home is where your lover is waiting for you. You'll see me again, if only to kick your ass for being so stubborn about being afraid to love him."

"Zack!"

"I love you, Cloud. Go home and allow yourself to love and be happy. It's what I want for you."

"Zack!"

"Remember what I told you. Wake up now, Cloud."

Cloud lurched awake with tears wetting his face. His heart pounded and his throat ached as he swallowed a scream of denial. It had felt so *real*. He raised his hands to cover his face and could faintly smell Zack's scent on them.

He was in a hotel far on the outskirts of Kalm. His delivery had been made and he had been just wasting time in an impersonal room decorated with what looked to be three shades of mud. Cloud huddled under the covers, cold and shivering. He grabbed a pillow to bury his face in, trying to replicate the warmth that he had started to count on for comfort and distraction. The trembling worsened and he breathed the name of the person he wanted to be there to hold him and make him feel safe and warm, wanted the assurance that he was wanted and *deserving* of the attention.

"Reno," Cloud surprised himself by saying. He had called for Reno and not...Zack.

Cloud flung off the covers and pulled on his clothes with nearly frantic jerks. He needed to get back, needed to get home. It surprised him again that he thought of home as Reno's apartment now and not his room at Seventh Heaven that was rarely used anymore. He wanted to let himself in and find Reno waiting to yell at him for being an inconsiderate ass. He wouldn't stay mad for long. Cloud knew he wouldn't. The redhead never did. He always forgave and took Cloud into his arms to make him feel *alive* again.

Cloud remembered what Zack had told him about Hojo. What had he known? What was he trying to warn Cloud about? Cloud shook off the questions. First he had to get home. He was over two days away, but if he pushed it he could make it back quicker. He left the keycard on the dresser and carried his bag and sword out to Fenrir.