Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Coffee ❯ The backpack and the rock ( Chapter 7 )

AN- Hey peoples! Oh man! I'm sooooo sorry! The last chapter was short and not very good. Plus, it's been a while since I last updated.

Ren: Meow meow meow.

(You got that right.)

Me: Ren! Quit it, will ya?

Ren: …

I would like to thank Aseku, Azdio, and Solaris again for letting me put them in this story and for Aseku and Azdio for giving me ideas.

Ch. 7- The backpack and the rock

Recap: Okay this'll be quick. Last time, on Coffee, Tidus and Rikku drank all of Aseku's Surge. Now, thanks to Aseku and Ren-Okye, they're dead. Solaris and the girls talked about a tournament of old people. Okay, recap is done.

Ren-Okye: (holds out unzipped backpack) Put them in here.

Auron: They won't fit.

Ren-Okye: Yes they will!

Auron: No they won't.

Aseku: Yes they will!

Lulu: No they won't.

Azdio: Yes they will!

Lulu + Auron: No they won't!

Solaris: Yes they will!

Kimahri: How?

Solaris: Allow me to show you! (takes out staff from back pocket and starts waving it around) I call upon the powers of my staff! (flash of lightning and sound effects) Make the bodies of Rikku and Tidus shrink! (points staff at Tidus and Rikku. Magic comes out of the staff and engulfs Tidus and Rikku and makes them smaller. There are more sound effects.) Done!

Wakka: (holding Tidus in one hand and Rikku in the other) Wow! How did you do that?

Solaris: Magic, stupid!

Wakka: Oh.

Ren-Okye: Just put them in here! (still holding out open backpack) They'll be safe in here!

Wakka: You sure? I mean, you don't have any explosives in there, do you?

Aseku: Uh, no. If we did, we wouldn't be telling you to put the bodies in it! Duh!

Azdio: (cutting in) Excuse me, but when are we going to look for my weapons? I want them now!

Wakka: Okay! Sheesh! (puts the bodies in the backpack) If anything happens to them, you guys are gonna get it!

Solaris: As if you can hurt us.

Wakka: I can if I want to!

Solaris: No you can't.

Azdio: (yelling) Hello! Is anybody listening to me?! Let's go find my weapons now, or you'll all be sorry!

Kimahri: Kimahri think we should go find weapons now. Loud obnoxious girl giving Kimahri a headache.

Auron: I agree with Kimahri. She's worse than Rikku at the Thunder Plains!

Wakka: No kidding, brudda! Let's go!

Azdio: Thank you! Now search!

*10 minutes later*

Wakka: (to Solaris, Aseku, and Ren-Okye) I feel sorry for you guys.

Solaris: Why?

Wakka: You have to put up with Azdio all the time, ya?

Ren-Okye: Well, we always try to avoid loosing her weapons and anything else that displeases her, so that she won't be filling our ears with her voice.

Aseku: And painting the walls with our insides.

Kimahri: Kimahri found a dagger.

Azdio: (runs up to Kimahri and grabs dagger) Thanks for finding one of my daggers! (shoves dagger in her shoe)

Lulu: Out of how many?

Azdio: (counts on fingers) Oh, about one, two, three… 57 daggers, not to mention my bull whip, my swords, my Dragon Beam, my clawed gauntlets, my dragon pendant, about 17 sticks of dynamite, some nitro glycerin… you know, the basics. I like to travel light.

Wakka: (eyes as big as plates and jaw in the ground) You call that light?!

Azdio: Yeah. Under normal circumstances I would have my mace with me, but not today. Now search!

Auron: I found one!

Yuna: Here's one!

Auron: I found two more!

*Later*

All but the four girls: (carrying piles of weapons) Can we rest for a while? Our feet are killing us!

Azdio: Sure, we can rest for a while. (looks out into the distance and starts pointing to something) Look! My rock! My precious rock! My long lost rock! I found my lost rock!

All but Azdio: (stares at Azdio)

Ren-Okye: Azdio, you never lost a boulder! Why do you want that thing?

Azdio: I like to sit on it.

Lulu: How are we going to carry it?

Azdio: We're not. (points to Auron) But Auron is!

Auron: What?! Why should I?

Azdio: Because you're the strongest! So, you have to carry it!

Wakka: But it's too heavy for him to carry it alone! Someone needs to help him!

Azdio: (looks at Wakka) Thanks for volunteering, Wakka!

Wakka: What?! Why me?

Azdio: Because you're stupid and I don't like you, and you're stupid enough to volunteer yourself!

Wakka: Why should I do it?!

Azdio: Because I'll pick up the rock and throw it at you myself if you don't!

Yuna: If you can do that, then why don't you carry it yourself?

Azdio: Because it is my sitting rock, not my carrying rock.

Wakka: Then why do you want us to carry it?

Azdio: Because it's my sitting rock! Meaning that I SIT, YOU CARRY! Now move!

Auron: Why should we?

Azdio: I'll give you a present!

Auron + Wakka: (thinking) Hmmm…

Ren-Okye: (whispering to them) If you don't, she'll start yelling again!

Auron + Wakka: Okay. (goes over to the boulder and picks it up) Happy now?

Azdio: Hold on. (jumps on the rock and sits on it) Now I am! Let's go!

Wakka: (to himself) Stupid slave driver! Oh Yevon! Please help me!

Ren-Okye, Solaris, + Aseku: (snickers)

*20 minutes later*

Azdio: (jumps on rock while pointing to something) Look! My berserk blade! It's over there!

Aseku: I see it! (points to a sword spontaneously attacking fiends on its own)

Azdio jumps off of the rock, which causes it to fall on Auron and Wakka. Auron moves out of the way, but Wakka doesn't. The boulder lands on his foot.

Wakka: (screams out in pain) OUCH!!!!! Your stupid boulder broke my foot, brudda!!!!

Azdio: (not listening, running over to the sword and grabs it from the air) Hello my precious! You didn't kill many strangers while I was gone, now did you? (goes back to the group) I got my sword back!

Yuna: (points to sword) That thing was in the air! Attacking all by itself! How is that possible?!

Azdio: It contains an evil spirit that only obeys me! (starts to pet the sword) My precious. My precious. My precious. My precious…

Okay! That took a while, sort of.

Ren: (Not bad! It's actually longer than the last chapter!)

Tidus: Yeah! It is!

Me: Tidus, since when were you able to understand what Ren says, and you guys don't need to be rude about the length of my chapters?!

Tidus: Ryoko came by and taught me the cabbit language.

Me: Right, like Ryoko would come here and…

Suddenly, Ryoko comes flying through the window, while it was still closed.

Me: Ryoko?!

Ryoko: What? I just came by to give Tidus some more lessons! He's kinda cute! *I know that that is out of character, but I'm doing the best I can*

Me: (sweatdrop) Oookaaayy… Oh, by the way, Ryoko. You have to fix that window before my parents get home! This is my mom's work room, and she isn't gonna be very happy to find the window broken!

Ryoko: Whatever. I'll fix it later.

Me: That's Ryoko code for 'I won't fix it'. Now would be a good time to fix it! Besides, I hear that Tenchi goes for the hard-working type.

Ryoko: Really? Okay! I'll get right to it! (starts fixing the window)

Well, I gotta go. I hope that you guys enjoyed the chappie! I'll update as soon as I can. Bye!