Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Country Life ❯ Talk dirty to me ( Chapter 3 )

*waddles back from the Amazon* Damn… Didn't think it'd take me that long to… ehh… Never mind! Gomen for not posting in so long! I had completely forgotten I had a MediaMiner account *nervous laugh* Yeah, that's it. Hopefully there won't be any errors posting this chapter. I've been getting trouble tonight (I tried to revise my other story, and found all sorts of neat crap wrong with it). Like, insanely large text where it looks normal (in Microsoft word anyways x.x), left out quotation marks, italics and bold-ness just up and leaving me, the list goes on. How's a review for me? *grin*

~*~

"What'cha into, Tidus?" Wakka happily asked, as he playfully patted the other on the head.

"Nuttin' much! Just playing with the boxes. Why can't I work?"

"You're a hazard…" Auron cut in.

"Eh?" Tidus mewled. "I wanna work!"

Auron rolled his good eye, turning his neck to gaze at the blonde bishonen. "And, dear nephew, if I allow you to work, what good could possibly come of it?"

"I can work! I'm not stupid! Us blondes ain't dumb!" Tidus shot back, angered by his uncle and how little he thought of him.

Wakka gulped. "Now, Tidus. Auron. Let's not get angry. Here, Tidus, you can sit in my chair… just watch the pop-tarts to see if any look weird. If they do, just throw them away. Tidus?"

The blonde had given up on just staring at the breakfast treats, and now he was climbing to the top of another, much more intimidating machine. "I'll show you, Uncle Auron!"

"Eek! TIDUS!" Wakka yelled, running to stand beneath Tidus's ascending form. "Gah! Don't fall, yah!!!"

Tidus merely scowled, well, his did something that looked like a scowl… no one could really tell from their viewpoint on the ground. He climbed higher and higher, stopping every now and then to pull his daisy-dukes down to cover his behind.

Wakka nervously paced on the safe floor below. What would he do if his love ever fell to certain death?! "Auron! We've gotta stop him! The moron!"

"Let the boy hit the ground a few times… he'll learn," Auron said with a wave of his hand.

"AURON!"

"Alright, alright… God."

Auron stood, ignoring the sounds of struggling above him, and walked out of the pop-tart checking-room… Moments later he returned, with no other than Seymour by his side.

"Dear Nephew Seymour… see what your cousin is trying to do for you? Just let us go home before he kills himself," Auron said, as he pointed up to the top of the pop-tart machine, indicating a fuzzy-looking Tidus.

Seymour crossed his arms over his chest, glaring upwards at his cousin. "The big stupid idiot. There's no way we're of blood relation. And no. I don't want you working at my cookie factory… get out of here. But I'll be expecting my new car sometime before the end of the week. Get it or be homeless."

With a shrug, Auron turned to leave, his cape flowing behind him like the awesome guy he is. "Wakka, fetch Tidus. We may need him and his looks later on."

~*~

Well, Wakka had finally gotten Tidus down off of that darn contraption…

~Wakka flashback…~

"Tidus! Gah!!!! TIDUS! PUT YOUR FOOT BACK ON THE RAIL! DON'T JUMP! NO GOD NO!!!!"

~End Wakka flashback…~

Tidus clutched an icepack to the side of his head, and whimpered softly. Ow, he'd hurt himself in the process of getting down… Wakka sat next to him, secretly wanting to cuddle but not having the balls to make a move. Both sat in silence for a decent amount of time. Then finally, Uncle Auron slouched into the living room and flopped into his favorite LazyBoyâ"¢.

"Ah," Auron sighed, "let's see… ways to make money. Ways to make money. Wakka, have any ideas? We need to make a small fortune in four days."

Wakka shrugged, feeling his heart flutter like a scared bird in a cage when the warm skin of his arm brushed with Tidus's.

"I know, Uncle Auron," muttered Tidus quietly, startling the older men even if he wasn't being that loud.

"Tidus?" Auron asked, raising an eyebrow and lighting up a cigar.

"I can have one of those hotlines… where the nice men and women call to talk if they're lonely."

Wakka blinked. Tidus thought of this?

Auron took a drawl off of his cigar, blowing the smoke into the air. "Of course! Everyone wants a piece of you, you stupid boy! We'll make millions! Tidus! Do you know how to talk dirty?!"

"Talk… dirty?"

"Yes! Wakka! Sell one of your kidneys! I'll put in an extra phone line tomorrow! Tidus! I want you to go over to Braska's and learn to talk dirty!!!"

"Braska-sama…? He knows how? When did he learn?" Tidus rambled on, suddenly amazed by the fact that one of his elders knew something of this sort. Why, just thinking about it made Tidus blush!

And blush he did. Tidus quickly slapped Wakka over the back of his head, and smiled widely, then sent his palms up to rest on his cheeks. "Oh, Uncle Auron! I can't do that!!!" he giggled giddily.

Wakka rubbed the back of his head. "Ugh. Of course you can! I'll be happy to tutor you, Tidus!! Go talk to Braska and learn the basics, then come home and uh… show me what you can do!"

Tidus blushed again, smacking Wakka across the face, while continuing to giggle. "Alrighty!"

~To Braska's House!!!~

Tidus made his way across the vast front lawn, avoiding all wild dogs and armed security men. Finally, he tiredly climbed his way up the front steps and crawled over to the door. He knocked loudly, letting himself fall into a tiny Tidus-puddle after he'd given up the last of his strength.

What seemed like hours later, a very attractive man answered the door, a cackling child on his arm.

"Who the hell is it?" he asked hastily, looking from side to side. Tidus groaned from his spot on the cement porch, causing the man to look down, the sun bouncing off of his wondrous locks of hair and making them shimmer.

"What do you want?" the man asked.

"Braska-sama! Please *wheeze* help me to learn to *another wheeze* talk dirty…" Tidus said as he gasped for breath.

"Tidus? Dear Lord, I didn't recognize you without your maid uniform… Come in, come in. The den needs cleaning."

"No! Braska! Please, you have to help me learn to talk dirty!"

Braska glared. The child in his arms wiggled around, playfully tugging on its… mother's hair. Of course, the boy was the spitting image of his father, minus the veins on his forehead. "Talk dirty?" Braska asked, hauling the child up higher on his hip, to relieve some of the stress on his back.

"Yes yes! You have to teach me to talk dirty!"

Braska sighed, the wind picking up speed and blowing onto the front porch, pushing back glorious blue-ish folds of hair. "Oh," Braska said dramatically, "I used to talk dirty to Seymour… he loved it so."

Tidus had no time for this! "Yes, I'm sure he did love it. But please. Uncle has to hurry and earn some money to buy a car for Seymour-san. If we don't get that car, we'll be homeless…"

"Seymour… he. He's fallen for another. He never comes home anymore. Boy, come inside."

Shrugging, Tidus followed Braska inside, pulling down his daisy-dukes as he walked. He'd been inside this lovely palace before, of course! He was their maid after all!!! Braska finally walked into the den area, and it was in fact a total mess. Bottles of fine wines and different assortments of sweets littered the floors and furniture. Braska dropped his child onto a nearby loveseat, and walked over to stand in front of the fireplace. He pulled a bottle of hard liquor from out of nowhere and took a deep drink.

"Seymour," he spat. "That bastard! He thinks he has the right to make love to me whenever he wants?! I bear his child, I listen to his boring lectures! And for what?!"

The boy on the couch looked up at the mention of his father's name. He smiled wickedly. Oh, how he resembled his father in so many ways…

Tidus walked up to join Braska by the fire. "Well… I'm sensing a problem in the marriage. Anything I can do?" he asked, half hoping Braska would keep it to himself.

But, that he did not. Braska turned, facing Tidus. He threw the liquor bottle into the fire, making it explode. "Yes! There is something you can do!" he yelled with a shiny glint in his eye…

Tidus gulped, folding his hands behind his back and giving Braska his best smile. "What would that be Bras--"

Tidus was cut short by Braska's lips on his. Minutes later, Braska's hands were everywhere but where they should have been: in his pockets, of course. They were pressing into Tidus's cheeks, warming his already hot flesh. Tidus tried to shake away from Braska, knowing darn well if Seymour caught them, they'd both be either on the streets or dead, but the older bishonen gripped him tightly.

Finally hearing a door loudly clang shut, Braska pulled away, his face flushed and his eyes shining brightly. He licked his lips, his eyes meeting with Tidus's. Neither looked away, even as Seymour entered the den, giving a smile to his son and throwing a glare to Tidus.

"Lovely…" Seymour said as he walked up behind Braska and twined his arms around his waist. "You've already had a staring contest with Tidus. Dinner's been started; let's go eat."

Seymour rested his chin on Braska's shoulder and smirked at Tidus. "Would you like to stay for dinner Tidus?"

~*~

Hm… I have no idea where I went with this one… *looks at her road map* Gah, I'm lost… I think we've left Wakka at the last gas station. But, R&R! I'm sure I'll get some new ideas soon hopefully…

Ignore any errors, since I typed this one in about an hour, heh…