Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ FFVIII Journals ❯ Irvine's Entry ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer - I don't own FFVIII or the characters in the game. I have no money and anything I own is not worth having. This story is fiction.

Warning - male + female, male + male thoughts, mild angst

Rating - R, it will heat up later on

This will be yaoi folks but for now it is shounen-ai, boys liking boys (one sided) confused Irvine + Seifer

Dedication - To Shaeric Draconis, I luv you very much! Thanks for your support Shae/Shea-chan and for helping me with this Entry.

A word to The Drow Elf Drizzt - I'm not going to say too much because it would give it away before I'm ready to, but at the moment Seifer sees Zell as a friend and is not ready to say if he is attracted to Zell's ass or not, heh. It will unfold, but at my pace.

^__~

IrvineKinneas Journal

[Monday 25th May XXXX Balamb Garden 2300 hours]

[Journal entry # 1]

Well Journal partner, this is my first entry, and I know for a fact that many of us have started one tonight. Maybe for different reasons but if Quistis has anything ta do with it, with a lil word or two from Dr Kadowaki it is for therapy, especially after time compression.

We have all changed and maybe our thoughts are not what they used to be.

I am the cowboy, gun slinging playboy who is always hitting on the ladies. I had always loved the way their slender forms fit so snugly against my own lean frame, the way they used ta melt into my skin as I sunk deep inside of their hot flesh, their wet heat surrounding my cock and dragging me even deeper into their own skins. The orgasmic sensation mind blowing as I shot my hot seed into the condom thinly veiling my shaft, protecting me from any commitment I wasn't ready to give, heh, I like ta keep all my bases covered if you know wha' I mean.

Then I met Selphie and the gang and my thought patterns began to change. I really thought she was the one but lately I have been noticing someone else who has such a bad boy image that I can't help but keep watching him.

He has no idea that I watch him; no he is too busy watching my lil fiery friend, Zell. But I can deal with that, lil Zell is attractive but so damn innocent, a lil like Selphie. If I didn't know who they were, I would swear they were brother and sister, only Zell is not as insane as purdy lil Sephie.

But yeah I digress, I watch him, the tall blond God, but if he was ta ever find out he would chop me up into lil biddy pieces with his gunblade Hyperion and feed me to a Ruby Dragon ta make sure I was truly gone.

I try to keep my optimism but it is getting hard ta do the more I have to because I am so confused with what I'm feeling, I have always loved the ladies but to suddenly find myself looking at another male……I'm not sure I'm ready for a change like this……God help me!

What really frightens me is that I hav' ta tell Sephie that I don't care for her like I should, that I only see her as a lil sister. When we kiss I think of the bad boy with emeralds for eyes and that cruel hard mouth instead of her soft petals that cling to my own chapped lips, and hating myself for betraying her and myself. Why has my life that was so great turned to crap all of a sudden….?

Yeah I have it bad and to compensate I keep flirting with anything female that moves, heh, I know I am hurting Selphie but self preservation is kicking in and I am not ready to face this male liking male, not for myself anyway and I need to prove to myself that I am still the ladies man…..

We are all on a mission tonight, and I was relieved to learn that I wouldn' be in the same team as Selphie but…

I will be in his team and I have to bloody lead. Squall doesn't trust Seifer and Quistis can't stand him…why me?

To make matters worse Rinoa is also in my team, don't get me wrong, I have a lot of time for the lil princess but I don't think Seifer does so there could be a lil friction there if ya know wha' I mean.

Something happened between them and it was not good, she is usually forgiving but since the break up with Commander she has changed, I can't say I blame her but if there is no feeling there……heh, I'm one ta talk, I can't even tell my lil lady…..

I better go before I get too depressed…….I just hope I can deal with these new feelings before I drown in them because there is no one that I can see to turn too….unless….

Wish me luck partner……I really think I'm going ta need it…….

[IrvineKinneas signing out at 2330 hours]