Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Final Fantasy VII Whose Line is it Anyway? ❯ Second Show ( Chapter 2 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Disclaimer: The fallowing characters do not belong to us: Cloud, Cid, Vincent, Aeris, or Barret. (Basically any character other than Sonux) Please don't sue all you'll get is used underwear.

ChaosDynasty: Where in the &%$#& $#&* did that come from?!

AkaiKamiRyu: (Smirks) Do you REALLY want to know?

ChaosDynasty: SHUTTINGUPNOW!!!

Second Show

Sonux: Due to popular demand, we're back for a second show!!! He isn't a genius and he IS that stupid: Cloud Strife. Silent but deadly: Vincent Valentine. Big, Bad, and Balding: Barret Wallace. Fowl mind and fowl mouthed: Ciddy Highwind……… Who put that there?

AkaiKamiRyu: I did. So shut up and do the show, or you will lose you Cid torturing privileges for a week.

Sonux: FINE!! (Mumbles): Jackass… Anyway I'm Sonux, now let's have some more fun today, shall we?

Cid: What where you talking about?

Sonux: (looking “innocent”) nuttin'

Cid: …… Whatever.

Sonux: Now for all those who don't know how we do things here, I'll explain. What we're gonna do here is have these fine “young” gentlemen do comedy skits of improv. Which means that they will be doing all of this from the top of their heads, and over their heads as well. Their improvs will be inspired by these cards (is messing with cards), and by the audience and readers. At the end of each round I will distribute points, not sure why, cause they don't mean jack.

Cloud: Who's Jack?

(Sonux blatantly ignores Cloud and continues.)

Sonux: That's right the points don't matter. Just like the story in a hentai manga…………RYU!!!

AkaiKamiRyu: (looking “INNOCENT”) I didn't do anything. Remember what I said about the contract?

Sonux:………stupid friggin' contracts. (Clears throat) Now for the first game. It's party quirks. This time Barret is hosting.

Barret: I'm doin' what now?

Sonux: Basically we give Cloud, Cid, and Vincent a strange quirk or identity that they must act out as they arrive to your “party”. At the end you must guess each of their identities correctly.

(Cloud tilts head in confusion. Cid just grimaces, and Vincent is well…Vincent)

Sonux: Whenever you're ready Barret, START THE PARTY!!!

Barret: (walks around with imaginary phone) Look I told the Strippers to be here at 6, it's now 7.

*Dingdong*

Barret: I'll call you back (Hangs up and answers door) Hey Cloud.

Text below screen: The emergency Broadcast system

Cloud: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

Barret: Are you a mosquito?

(Cloud shakes head while still “eeeeee”ing.)

Barret: (sweat drops) well come in an' get something to drink, I think you're going to need it.

*Dingdong*

Barret: Oh hey Vince.

Text: Drop out actor thinking he is doing Shakespearian musical on Broadway.

Vincent: (Reaches up and caresses Barret's face while singing off key) Oh what light through yonder face breaks? It is the north and you are the moon.

(Barret backs away from Vincent and into a still “eeeee”ing Cloud.)

Barret: (looks at Cloud) Do you have any idea what gotten into him?

Cloud: (Shakes head “no”) eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-

Barret: Are you sure you're not a buggy?

Sonux: I don't think he is an all terrain vehicle.

Barret: What?

*Dingdong dingdong*

(As Barret walks to the “door”, Vincent is now on one knee in front of Cloud)

Vincent: At last, door-rick, I…..LINE! Oh Right. I knew him……..LINE! Hiroshima.

Barret: You're a sad excuse for an actor.

Bzzzzzzzzz

Sonux: Wow! First try. Nice!

Barret: …right. (Opens door) come on in Cid.

Text: Yuffie Kisaragi

Cid: (overly excited) HIYA BARRET!!!!

(Barret backs away very nervous, and into a blue-faced still “eeee”ing Cloud.)

Cid: Where is that hot stud, Cid Highwind? I want to “get” something from him.

(Sonux pulls massive facefault)

Sonux: (from behind desk) I can't believe you just said that dude!

Barret: What are you talkin' `bout Cid?

Cid: What? Cid? Where? I'm the great thieving ninja!!

Barret: You're YUFFIE?!

Bzzzzzzzzz

Cid: Unfortunately yes. Though I think I'm going to regret it later!!

Cloud: EEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee……….(passes out)

Barret: OKAY CLOUD! What's the emergency?

Bzzzzzzzz

Sonux: Nice work! Two thousand points for you. Took ya only three quarters of the time that it took Cid. (Tosses Phoenix Down on Cloud) Get up, we gotta show to finish.

Cid: HEY!!!

Sonux: …. Is for horses! (grins) Now for the next game: Who's Line?... There's a game named after the show? Whatever. This game is for Barret and Cid. Now what you're gonna do is act out a scene, and in this scene you're gonna have to say these lines.

(Sonux hands two slips of paper to Barret and Cid)

Sonux: Now for the scene you're gonna act out. (Blinks before evil smirk) “Barret and Cid are a newlywed couple on their wedding night. When things don't go as planed.”

Cid: What am I now?

Sonux: A girl married to Barret. Now begin.

(Barret carries Cid bridal style, and kicks imaginary door)

Barret: Honey, we're home.

Cid: You can put me down now dear!!

Cloud: DEER WHERE?!

Sonux: Shut up, sit down and drink your Goddamn water!!

Barret: Oh Honey you look so beautiful tonight.

Cid: Oh you flatterer.

Barret: Now I must tell you something. Something that my father told me to tell my wife on our wedding night.

Cid: And what was that?

Barret: He said to tell you, (pulls out slip 1) “You've just been Sarged!”

(Text at bottom of screen: I don't think you want to know what's goin' on in Cid's head right now. - Sonux)

Cid: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

Barret: Well my dad was a Sergeant, and he said it to my mom all the time.

Cid: (Storms off) Oh! I cannot believe you just said that. (Looks to Barret) You are being very rude tonight.

Barret: How was I rude, you said that you loved me and I made you the happiest women on earth. What did I do wrong?

Cid: Remember? You got drunk, jumped up on a table, took off your shirt and yelled, (pulls out paper) “It's not pink, it's lightish red!” People didn't care to know the color of you boxers.

(Vincent falls off chair in background and Cloud looks over at Vincent curiously. Sonux is nowhere to be seen.)

Barret: But it wasn't my fault! The punch was spiked! Is there any way I can make it up to you?

Cid: I don't know….. Maybe if you say those words I always love to hear.

Barret: Oh you mean the words that I said when I first met you! (pulls out slip) “Kiss me, I love Bunny slippers.”

Cid: That's not what you said to me! You must have said that to some other woman. So I'm not the first one that you loved!

Barret: YES, I mean NO, I mean, Oh I don't know anymore!

Cid: So you you've had so many women that you can't tell me from the others, THAT'S IT WE'RE THROUGH!!!

Barret: (whines) NOOO, don't go! If you leave, what will I do? You are my life!

(Cid just now notices Vincent on the floor and snickers)

Cid: I'm sorry you feel that way, but I must go. The two of us can never be happy together. Now before I leave there is something I must tell you. Something that I hope you can remember me by. (pulls out last paper) “That's right, I'm a gay robot”

Barret: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

(Screen pans over to desk, where you see the buzzer suddenly disappears behind it)

bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz bzz

Cloud: (looks over at desk then looks at Cid) Wheredidhego Cid, Wheredidhego?

Cid: Wha?

Sonux: (hoarsely) Enough! Enough, I say!! Take your points and go!

(Sonux then climbs up desk and his face is entirely red from laughing so hard)

Sonux: (slightly recovered) Okay, that whole skit was so wrong on so many levels!

(Sonux takes a big gulp and finishes off 24 oz. Jolt)

Sonux: Ahh that's better. Now the next game is called: Questions Only!! This is for all four off you. Vincent and Barret start out, and you can only act it out with questions. If you can't come up with a question, I buzz you out and either Cloud or Cid will take your place. The one who last the longest wins. (Turns to audience) Now I need a place where lots of fun occurs.

(Audience gives various answers)

Sonux: Alright, it looks like the scene is an amusement park. Ready. Set. Go Go Go.

Barret: Are you new here?

Vincent: ….Why do you ask?

Barret: You look new.

Bzzzzz

Barret: Damn.

Vincent: … Are you here for the ride?

Cid: You mean the new ride?

Vincent: … Which one?

Cid: Isn't there only one new roller coaster?

Vincent: … So you like those rides?

Cid: Why, don't you?

(Vincent just turns and walks away)

Bzzzzzzz

Cid: What's with your hair?

Cloud: Can't you tell I just got off the Screaming Death?

Cid: That's a ride?

Cloud: Can't you tell?

Cid: No……*^#@&*^

Bzzzzzzzz

Sonux: That's not a question either.

Cid: Shut up!

Cloud: Are you the manager?

Barret: Do I look like him?

Cloud: Can't you see my girlfriend just got sick on your rides?

Barret: Before or after she rode?

Cloud: Why don't you ask her?

Barret: Why don't you just tell me?

Cloud: Isn't your job to make the rides safe?

Barret: Are you sure about that?

Cloud: What if I'm the Safety Inspector?

Barret: Aren't you a little late?

Cloud: What do you mean?

Barret: Didn't you know you were suppose to be here last week?

Cloud: Uhh…..

Bzzzzzzzzz Bzzzzzzzzz

Sonux: I think that's enough for now. We'll take a break and find out who our winner is when we get back. Don't leave your seat!

(Commercial Break advertising Honey Bee Inn's new low rates. And a beat up Corneo deal.)

Sonux: Welcome back! Our winner tonight: Barret.

(Cloud grumbles about not winning again while Cid wonders what they have to do.)

Sonux: This means the rest of us are going to have to do a HOEDOWN!!!! With Aeris on the piano. Now I need an idea for something you do in your spare time.

(Several ideas are yelled from the audience.)

Sonux: Okay, we're gonna do the `Video Game' Hoedown. Take it away whenever you're ready girl.

(Piano starts up and the audience starts clapping along.)

Cloud: I play video games; I play them all the time.

I do not know why, these lines have to rhyme.

There is one thing to be said, of that I'm sure.

I don't think I'll ever learn cure.

Sonux: I like DDR, Dancing all around.

Bouncin' to the bass, crankin' up the sound.

I get lots of combos, moving at fast speed

I think that next time I'm gonna Invite SeeD.

Vincent: I think video games are really really fun.

I keep playing; I'm never ever done.

I like the army games and I always get my man.

But I regret that I'll never have a tan.

Cid: I play Mario, going for high scores.

Mario number 2 has these really weird doors.

The levels are so simple, yet I still get lost.

Am I ever gonna get to the final boss.

All: To the final boooooooooooooooooosss!

Sonux: That's all for us tonight! See ya next time for more insanity.

A/N: Any suggestions for future scenes are welcomed. Also any reviewer who can guess the original lines that Vincent botched and/or the one line that DIDN'T come from Red vs. Blue will get a cookie.