Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Final Fantasy VII Whose Line is it Anyway? ❯ Third Show w/ Girlfriends ( Chapter 3 )

Disclaimer: Other than Sonux, we do not own any characters so please don't sue. If we did own them, pigs would be flying and I have yet to see one with wings.

 

AkaiKamiRyu: But BBQ wings are so tasty.

 

ChaosDynasty: They are made from chicken, not pork.

 

AkaiKamiRyu: Oh… I did not know that.

 

Episode 3

 

Sonux: Hey hey! We're now back for our third, yes third, episode. Cause he IS a blonde, Cloud Strife. She's not itsy bitsy, or teeny weeny, Tifa Lockheart. She blinded me with science, Shera. He's been Blown Sky high quite a few times, Cid Highwind. I'm Sonux. For any one who has been stuck in the fabric of time, this is how were gonna do this. Our contestants here will be doing Improv. At the end of these skit I will distribute points, and I'm still not sure why. The points are about as good as cheat codes to a legit gamer.

 

(Cid rolls his eyes)

 

Sonux: Now for the first game: News Casters. This is for all four of you. Cid, you're the host of a news show and Shera's gonna be your co-anchor. She's your over protective mother, constantly nagging you. Tifa, you got Sports. You're a six year old who just found the mother load of candy.

 

Cloud: (whines) Why does she get candy?

 

Sonux: (ignores Cloud, again) Cloud, you're doing the weather and you are an explorer looking for the lost treasure. So whenever you hear the music, begin.

 

(News intro music starts up and the camera sweeps in on Cid and Shera sitting on stools in the center of the stage.)

 

Cid: Hello, and welcome to the evening news. I'm your host I. Efing Doncare. Our top story: Hundreds suddenly hospiltized in Costa del Soul. Apparently you CAN'T drink the water. Details later. Now to my co-anchor, Henny Pecks.

 

Shera: (glares at Cid) How many times have I told you to call me “Mom” in public? And who said you could be the host? Don't you know how many news hosts are hurt every year?

 

Cid: Uh… two?

 

Shera: That's two too many for my little Ciddy-Widdy.

 

Cid: (un-nerved) Um… All right, let's see what's going on in the world of sports, with our sports reporter: Sugary Sweets. Sugar!

 

Tifa: (she is on her knees and talks in a high voice) Hewooo dare evweboady. Today I had the bestest best day eva. Wanna know why? Cause I found all of the candy my mommy hid from me. The pile is THIS big. (Stretches arms over her head.) And I'm gonna eat it alllllllll up! (Starts eating the “candy”) Mmmm… sugarsugarsugarsugarsugar. (Starts running in circles around the “pile”) Yahooooooooooo!!!

 

(The camera switches back to Cid and Shera)

 

Cid: Thanks for that over the top report.

 

Shera: (looking upset with Cid) Why aren't you wearing your sweater?

 

Cid: I-I am wearing one… Mom…

 

Shera: Not the one I made for you. Do you know how long it took me to knit those bunnies on it? And we know how much you love bunnies.

 

Cid: Whatever…

 

Shera: Don't you sass me, mister.

 

Cid: (Un-nerved) Ummm…… Anyway let's see what the weather is going to be like, with our weatherman, Dimm Lightbulb. Dimm!

 

Cloud: (His back is to the camera and he looks around intently until he sees the camera.) Oh! I'm on? Well, there's going to be lots of sun this weekend. Perfect for a great treasure hunter, like myself. Now, according to this map, I go five paces North… (Walks towards the camera) Three paces to my right… (Stands next to Cid) and seven past the angry married couple. (Walks over to Tifa) Crikey!! I've found it! The lost candy stash of Chief Tooth D. Kay.

 

(Tifa stands in front of the “candy”)

 

Tifa: UH-Uh It my candy! Finders keepers, losers weepers. (Sticks tongue out at Cloud)

 

Cloud: (starts crying) But-but I been looking for this my whole life. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

 

Tifa: (pats his head) Alwite, I share.

 

Cloud: Yeah!!!

 

Cid: Well that's all for tonight. See you tomorrow if I feel like it.

 

Shera: I thought I told you to keep your comments to yourself.

 

(End theme music plays as they go back to their seats.)

 

Sonux: That was good. 2,000 points to Shera for her realistic performance.

 

Shera: Wow! This is a lot more fun than I thought.

 

Cid: … (mumbles under his breath)

 

Cloud: Did you say something, Cid?

 

Cid: Nope

 

Sonux: Anyway let's start the next game.

 

Tifa: Do I get to torture someone this time?

 

Sonux: Depends on your point of view. Now this game is a favorite here: Party Quirks. Shera, you will be hosting this party. Though, the only people you can get to come are these three (Points to Cloud and others. Cloud blinks, Tifa shudders, and Cid just laughs out loud). Cloud, Tifa and Cid, you will be given identities to act out and Shera, you have to guess who or what they are. So………BEGIN! Oh and Tifa, Good luck.

 

(Shera walks around cleaning various areas)

 

Shera: I knew I should've cleaned up from the party last week.

 

Ding Dong

 

Shera: Dammit! They're here already.

 

Sonux: Been around Cid much?

 

Shera: Hey Cloud.

 

(Text: Finalist in a belching contest)

 

Cloud: (belches) Hello.

 

Shera: (waves hand in front of her face) Uh… come on in.

 

Cloud: Sorry. I had an onion and garlic smoothie.

 

(The others shudder)

 

Cloud: Where's the drinks? I need to stock up.

 

Shera: (blinks) On the table, just don't burp in my face.

 

(Cloud starts “chugging” the punch bowl)

 

Ding Dong

 

Shera: Save some for the rest of the guests. (Opens the door for Tifa.) Hey, girl! Wazzup?

 

(Text: Nudist trying to convert the other party members.)

 

Tifa: Hey, hey! Aren't those clothes a little constricting?

 

Shera: I thought that this sleeveless dress was very flattering on my slim figure.

 

(Cid raises an eyebrow)

 

Tifa: You should goooooooo…. (Pretends to rip shirt) all natural!!!!! (Starts shaking) Yeah!!!

 

(All males now sport nose-bleeds, excluding Sonux and Cid who is the recipient of Shera's glare.)

 

Cloud: (belch talks) You're… cute.

 

Tifa: Same to you big boy. Why don't we get you out of those tight clothes, and have you feel the breeze between your knees?

 

(Now all Females sport nose-bleeds, except Tifa and Shera.)

 

Ding Dong

 

Shera: (Confused) I'll get it. (Opens the door) Oh! Cid you didn't have to ring the bell.

 

(Text: Drunken Chocobo)

 

Cid: WARK!!!

 

(Shera falls over from the unexpected reply)

 

(Cid then “chicken-walks” into the room.)

 

Shera: (Very confused) Cid?

 

Cid: WARK!! (Starts pecking at the food, then sticks out his tongue) WAAAAARK! (Walks away with a slight swaying in his step)

 

Shera: Cid? Do you have some sort of speech impairment?

 

Cid: WARK!

 

Shera: Was that a yes or a no?

 

Cloud: Oooh, Beer!!

 

(Cid runs over, as expected, and drinks the “beer,” also as expected.)

 

Cid: WAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaAAAAARK…….. (falls over)

 

Cloud: (pouts) now how am I going to win?

 

Shera: Sorry, but the belching competition is next door.

 

(Sonux buzzes with a large belch.)

 

Sonux: (with large grin) I win.

 

Cloud: (still pouting) I never win.

 

(Cid gets up a starts swaggering around.)

 

Cid: Wark….

 

(Tifa walks over to Cid.)

 

Tifa: You could fit in as well. We'll just have to have you wear a full body suit to cover any… “unsightly” parts.

 

Cid: WARK!!!!

 

(Tifa now falls over from the blunt reply.)

 

Shera: Sorry, but I don't think I want to be a nudist right now.

 

Bzzzzzzzz

 

(Cid looks at Shera strangely)

 

Cid: Wark?

 

Shera: Come on you big bird, we'll get you back to the ranch.

 

Bzzzzz Bzzzzzz

 

Sonux: Close enough!

 

(Shera and Cid walk back to their seats as Sonux try to fix his desk. He accidentally broke it while laughing so hard.)

 

Sonux: Hey C.D. (short for ChaosDynasty) can I have my powers back for this short time?

 

ChaosDynasty: I know Akai isn't going to like this much but we have to fix it somehow, the last thing I need is another pay cut!

 

AkaiKamiRyu:……………FINE!!!