Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Guardian ❯ Relinquishment ( Chapter 13 )

Guardian, Chapter 13
Relinquishment

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And just let her cry
If the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing
If it eases all her pain
Let her go
Let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be...

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At first, there was nothing unusual in the darkness...just the hazy, unrelieved black oblivion of a sleeping mind, where time has little meaning and awareness is mostly absent. Sentience flooded back to me in a flash when a pillar of fire blazed to life before me, forcing the night to give ground, retreating reluctantly into deep pools of liquid shadow that hid among formations of rock that seemed eerily familiar. The flames danced down into the more subdued flickering of a well-behaved campfire, and I finally saw Jecht sprawled elegantly in front of it, directly opposite me.

His look was disconcertingly frank, too cognizant for a mere imagined shade. "Am I dreaming?" I blurted out eloquently.

"It's easier this way, jackass," he said, as though that explained anything. "How is she?" he asked.

Courteous as ever. I've missed you, Jecht. My fervent longing to see him again was tempered only by the dread of what I must say. I crossed over and sat heavily to his right, that I might look at him without being blinded by the fire. "She is well," I settled on, finally.

"Good," was all he said, his expression unreadable. "The boy?" he asked expectantly.

I don't know why telling him was so difficult; I guess it was just agonizing that he should have to ask me how his own family was. "Nothing keeps him down for long. And though I never saw you play, I think he might well surpass you. Some have called him a prodigy."

He nodded, an unmistakable gleam of pride creeping into his gaze at my words. The conversation flagged a little then -- no point in asking the other: And how are you?

Dead. You?

Not quite yet, though I rather wish I were--

With some effort I banished the morbid thoughts, but something in the suddenly sardonic tilt of Jecht's smirk hinted that he had been thinking along the same lines. My mouth twisted slightly to return the not-smile in kind, but only briefly. There was one other thing left to tell him.

"She doesn't know, Jecht." I bit the words out with difficulty. "I couldn't tell her."

He feigned surprise. "Is a warrior-monk of Yevon even capable of lying?" he asked, in a voice laced with sarcasm.

"Don't call me that," I growled angrily.

He did not look chastised, but only sighed. "I rather thought that you might not."

I told him the truth. "It would have killed her. She nearly died of missing you as it was..."

Emotion finally showed plainly on his face, a strange mix of pain, love and gladness. He closed his eyes.

"She still misses you, Jecht," I said, lower. "As do I."

Jecht was a shrewd man, with an astonishing eye for detail, as Braska and I had realized when he stopped drinking. I was therefore not surprised by what he said next.

"You like her, don't you, asshole." The words lacked the entire amount of vitriol that they might have had, by rights, but were recriminating nonetheless.

I said nothing. My lack of denial was enough.

He kicked a rock savagely into the fire, scattering sparks everywhere and sending flaming scraps of wood skipping across stone until the glowing embers died and melded slowly into ash and shade. I realized finally where we were, and why it was so hauntingly familiar. It was the last campsite we'd stayed in before entering Zanarkand, that sleepless, melancholy night when we two lay silently awake dreading the imminent loss of Braska. How vastly we had underestimated our capabilities for sorrow...

"Does she love you?" he asked finally, in a voice that sounded almost dead.

My head sank into my hands. "I don't know, Jecht. For her sake, I hope not," I groaned, in desperate misery. Heatedly, I cried, "Release me from that vow, Jecht! Unbind me and I swear I will leave her life forever."

He gave a hoarse, humorless laugh. "Auron, it's a wonder you haven't yet managed to kill yourself a second time, you miserable bastard, as much as you beat yourself over the head with guilt that isn't yours." His voice said that he was not only talking about Serra, and the present. He looked suddenly very tired, but resigned. "If you left, it would only eventually be someone else."

I couldn't stand to hear him say it. I wanted to weep for the look on his face, so tightly controlled that I knew it concealed the encroaching insanity he only mostly held at bay. Sin was already beginning to drive him mad. How could I bear to increase his torment? I wanted her, but not at such cost! "She deserves better than a dead man, Jecht!"

His expression was still stone. "At least I know that, dead or not, you will protect her. And even a blind man could not miss that you love her." He looked away, speaking very softly. "Just...take care of her. Make her happy. For me."

The useless words were out before I could stop them. "It should have been me. I wish--"

The stone shattered. "Shut up, Auron!" he raged. "It was my choice, and nothing can change it now. Don't make it worse." He opened his hands and looked at them as though they felt suddenly unfamiliar...foreign. "I won't be able to do this again, Auron," he said strangely. "I don't think there is quite enough of me left." He stood up, turning away.

"Jecht!" I cried, running over to catch his arm. "Wait--"

"You're about to wake up, Auron..." He gave me that crooked half-smile, and tears finally sprang to my eyes as I saw in his gaze compassion for me, when he was the one living in hell. Comparatively, my undead existence was paradise.

I stood frozen in time while precious seconds ticked away. Alive, neither of us had ever been the type to--

But there would be no further chance; I cast the inhibition away, and

I would have this--

grabbed him fiercely in a hold as tight as my arms allowed, embracing him as I should have while we both were living men. After a second I felt his arms close forcefully around me in return, and the wetness of his unshaven cheek against mine just before he started to fade. I tried frantically to hold on, but my arms sank uselessly through his increasingly transparent form.

"I'll see you again!" I shouted desperately. "I will free you!"

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End Chapter 13

The next chapter (or chapters, depending on how long it gets) should be fun; I wrote parts of it long ago, when I first started this story, and have been waiting to get there ever since.

~Sango

Song by Hootie and the Blowfish.