Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Insanity ❯ Voices ( Chapter 7 )

This is a SeiferxZell yaoi and if you don't like it don't read it.

Disclaimer: Not mine now, tomorrow or ever.

"…"talking

~…~thoughts

{…}memories

Italics Zell's self-preservation

Sun slips through the drapes, into a silent room. Tidy and well-kept, it seems like an adult's home; yet a punching bag in the corner and several posters prove otherwise. A clock on a nightstand blinks 11:37am, next to it there's a small pill case that's empty. On the bed lays what at first sight seems like a young teenager. Gripping a pillow tightly against his chest, he sleeps dreamlessly. The light finally reaches his face and slowly his eyes open.

~About time you woke up~ "What time is it?" Rubbing his eyes and stretching to get the kinks out of his back, Zell sits on the edge of the bed. ~Nearly midday~

"Lemme sleep." Flopping back into the bed, he curls up into a ball. "I left Dr. K's office only a couple of hours ago." ~That was yesterday~

"What!?!? You mean I slept for over a day." Sitting up again, he resists the urge to crawl beneath the covers. ~Sleeping pills knock you out like that….How do you know that a day passed?...... I was conscious enough to feel time pass….. I made you up. How can you…. It doesn't matter. Just get out of bed and eat something before your meeting at one….Yeah, right. I forgot.~

Standing up, his feet wobbled at first. The only thing he had on was the shorts from two nights before.

{While a moist towel hung around his damp body, the fighter cried into his palms. "I…I…don't know…what to do…I'm scared all the time."

The chair he was sitting in was cushioned for comfort, but still time-worn. Like many things in the office, it brought a feeling of warmth and safety. A bookcase in a corner with several medical encyclopedias, a painting of Balamb harbor, stacks of files on the desk; nothing seemed harmful.

"It's perfectly natural for you to feel this way, Mr. Dincht. After what you've told me about what happened earlier in the Training Center and your reaction to Mr. Nida's unsuspected touch, I can see that the trauma you've faced during Time Compression has deeply affected you." Dr. Kadowaki sat on a sofa opposite Zell's. Normally it was the other way around, but she knew that his choice had to do with personal space. He wanted to be closed off, to coil himself into an impenetrable ball. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"I want to…I even tried to tell Quistis…but I couldn't…I can't." Looking at anything besides the woman next to him, he wiped his eyes furiously.

"Then, why can't you tell me, Zell?"

"Because…because…"~Just fucking tell her a half-truth….How?.... Tell her everything, except the rape….Why?....Listen, you put yourself into this shit-pile when you ignored me about Squall, so now I have to get you out…But why not the rape?... Men don't get raped, only women…. That's not… Just do what I tell you. That guy nearly died and he would have if it wasn't for me… Nida…Yes, Nida. So do exactly what I tell you, so it won't happen again.~

"Zell, are you with me? Zell, come back." }

Turning on the lights, he squint his eyes until they grew accustomed to the brightness. The living room and kitchen were even more impeccable than the bedroom. To the side was a small bathroom with only a toilet and a sink. Every SeeD was supposed to have an apartment like this one, but cutbacks and a reconstruction in some parts of the Garden forced many to share with roommates. Luckily for him, he had special privileges.

In the spotless kitchen there was a lack of any food with nutritional value. "Chips and hotdogs." His stomach rumbled, but he just stood in front of the food. ~What are you waiting for?~ "I'm not that hungry, I'll eat the chips." ~You haven't eaten for nearly two days, remember? You didn't have dinner with Quistis and you've been sleeping the rest.… So?.... Eat the fucking hotdogs….they remind me of…..stop whining~

Dumping several wieners into some boiling water, he returns to his room to find something to wear. A simple white T-shirt and a pair of black slacks seem like the best choice. ~I don't want to draw attention….I'm sure that tattoo on your face, your spiky blond hair or your world famous stature will be hidden by clothes….Shut up~

The alarm clock blinked 12:16pm. At the table next to a glass of milk and some chips was a plate of steaming hotdogs. Plump, red, juicy hotdogs; Zell's favorite. Holding a fork and knife in each hand he sat there, silently still. Inside was another matter. ~Eat it now…..I don't want to….You think I'm going to let you starve….I can't eat them…..There's nothing else here….. Then I'll go to the Cafeteria….At lunch hour! You only have half an hour before the meeting…..Either I won't eat or I won't go…..Stop being a baby…..Stop ordering me around~

A blinking 12:43pm could be seen in the shadows of the room. In the kitchen sat a young man with a disgusted face. He was staring at a plate of cold, greasy hotdogs. Next to it was an empty glass and a bag filled with potato crumbs. The knife and fork were settled on the table, as clean as they were an hour ago.

~If I could hit you on the back of the head, I would….I'm not eating that…..You have to leave in less than ten minutes to make it on time…..Good, I don't have time to eat this crap….Bullshit, you've eaten twice this much in less time…..I'll eat later.~

12:54pm blinked away in the dark. The kitchen sparkled and next to the sink were a clean plate and a glittering glass next to some utensils. In the trash, several dirty, oily and pale red sausages lay next to a crumpled bag of chips. Next to the door, a starving SeeD marked the code as his stomach grumbled loudly. ~You're going to regret this….A couple of hours isn't long…..Sure it isn't.~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

"Zell isn't here yet." Rinoa wrung her hands compulsively while staring at the clock on the wall. "It's already five minutes after one. Where is he?"

"Don't worry" Bent forward, Squall held his forehead in his hand. Even though he was worried about his comrade, all he could think about was yesterday. ~Goddamn, short-tempered, arrogant asshole. Everybody's defending that jerk. When Zell gets here, I'll find out what that bastard really did to deserve a broken arm. He better hope I don't catch him around.~

"Mr. Dincht should be around shortly. Have you and Ms. Trepe thought about what you're going to say?" The older woman stood next to the door. She disliked the room for its plainness. The bright lights and bare walls were disquieting. It felt empty and wasn't the best place to treat people's problems, yet her office was too small and any other place wasn't private enough.

"We have, doctor. I'll tell him my experience in Time Compression…I wanted to get it off my chest anyway." A few loose strands of her blond hair lay in front of her eyes, but it didn't bother her. She didn't care about it anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

~Damn it I'm late….Hmm. I wonder why? ....Shut up~ After nearly crashing into several cadets, he still ran as fast as he could.

~I thought you didn't want attention….Shut up already. If you say one…~ "Shit! Look out!" Skidding on the polished floor, he knocks down an unsuspecting bystander and countless files and papers fly into the air.

"Man, I'm sorry. Are you alright?" Rubbing the back of his head, Zell could feel a bump. "Ow"

"I'm okay. What about you?" The victim of the collision was picking up the papers next to him and looked quite embarrassed by the stares of a small crowd near the entrance of the Quad. "You had a nasty fall."

"I'll survive…hey, you're Nida." The small blond began picking up files quickly and ended up making a bigger mess. "Oh man, I'm sorry for this…and for the other night."

"No, don't be. It wasn't your fault." They both stood up and gave each other nervous glances. "I'm fine, don't worry."

Looking at the ceiling, at the couple of students walking by, at his loose shoelaces, Zell felt desperate to say something. He rubbed the back of his neck and bobbed on his heels. ~WhatdoIsaywhatdoIsaywhatdoIsay….Anything, just don't stand there like an idiot…..I nearly killed him and he isn't angry….So he's a good guy…..I have to give him something.~

"Do you want to have lunch with me tomorrow?.....You know, tell jokes and childhood stories, well the little bit I remember anyway." Anxiously blurting it out, he closed his eyes shut.

"R-really, s-s-sure." The lonely pilot's ears perked up and he almost dropped all of his documents.

"I mean if you don't want to, I completely understand. I just wanna get to know you better, maybe be friends….did you just say sure?" Slowly opening his eyes he saw the happiest smile he could ever imagine.

"Y-yeah, sure. How about tomorrow at uh…twelve?" ~He remembers my name and he wants to get to know me better. Maybe my luck's turning around.~

"Twelve's good. I have to go. I'm already late to meet my friends." Feeling better than he had for days, Zell patted Nida on the shoulder and continued to run down the hallway. "See you later, bye."

"Bye." Precariously balancing his files, he waves joyfully.

"So you got a date with Hyper-boy tomorrow." Leaning against the rail, a tall, light-brunette man scowled at him. "I thought you said you weren't gay."

Surprised to hear his roommate's voice, the Asian man drops a couple of documents, but remains calm. "It isn't a date. However, better him than you."

"Tch" Gary crossed his arms and glared in Zell's general direction. ~Nida's mine. Only mine. He just hasn't realized it yet. I'll show him that I'm the only person that acknowledges his existence. I'm the only one that sees him.~ "I'm going to the library."

"Go to wherever you want." Several papers had been stepped on already as Lunch hour ended and the hallways were filling up with cadets rushing to their classes. ~Damn it, I have to reprint these. Fucking Gary's fault, if I could change him for anybody else as a roommie, I would have, but Headmaster Cid always said: "Learn to deal with your comrades' differences in battle and in life." I'm sure he wouldn't last a day with that arrogant asshole. I would love to punch….~ "Ahhh, shit"

"Hey, loser. Get out of the way." A group of preteens started to laugh and snicker as all the documents were spilled onto the floor once again. "I almost tripped on your sorry ass."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~

"Here it is; the Infirmary and only ten minutes late." Standing next to the door, Zell just stood there. ~You go into the room now…..what am I going to say?......Depends on their questions……I don't think I can do this……Yes you can. Just say what I tell you to say and everything will be alright.~

"Ok, here goes nothing." Upon entering the room he sees everyone's faces. Rinoa looks jittery, Squall seems to be angry and Quistis felt indifferent. ~Shitshitshitshitshitshit…..Calm the fuck down, NOW……They're mad…..No, they're not. Sit in the fucking chair, stop whining and control yourself.~

"How do you feel today, Mr. Dincht?" Standing next to him Kadowaki offered a kind smile.

"Oh…uh…fine…didn't see you there…I'll sit down now." Avoiding everyone eyes he sat down between Quistis and Rinoa, and stared at his balled-up fists on his lap. ~One step at a time.~

"Hi, Zell"

"Hi, Rinoa"

"Hello, Zell"

"Hello, Quistis."

"Zell"

"Squall"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I see that everyone here is uncomfortable at the moment. The situation you have been put in has strained your relationship with each other, but I know that all of you care for the well-being of your friends." The oldest in the room sat down next to Squall and clamped her hands together. "You don't have to say something you don't feel like saying. However the best way to help each other is to speak about your experience and show that nobody here is alone in their suffering."

"I-I'll start." Raising her hand timidly, the small brunette spoke in a quiet voice. "I've been thinking about it all night."

"Very well, Ms. Heartilly; you may commence." Everyone in the room looked up at her, the first to break the ice.

"When we were fighting against Ultimecia, Quistis was taken away by this little angel. I got…scared…but Squall said that we'll get her back once we defeated the sorceress….Soon after I was knocked out." Rinoa stared at the white wall, so she could focus on something other than the people listening attentively to her. "When I woke up I was in Galbadia city, it was sunny and ….."

{Walking along the busy streets, Rinoa stood next to store windows admiring all the clothes and merchandize to be found inside.

"That dress is sooooo pretty." A younger looking and more innocent Asian girl stared back at her in the reflected glass. "Can I get it?"

Trailing behind was a lanky teenager, only a couple of years older than her. He was carrying several boxes and could barely see above them all. "Come on. You already bought six. I wanna go to the comic store."

"If I buy this one, I'll have a dress for each day of the week. Besides Zone, the only thing you look at is Naughty magazines." Placing her hands on her hips and pouting angrily, she reprimanded him. "Those things will rot your mind."

"Give him a break, Princess." Another teen stood next to the over-baggage mule. "He'll never see any of that in real life."

"Thanks a lot, Watts." He grumbled while gritting his teeth. "How 'bout giving me a hand with these, huh?"}

"It was exactly like a couple of summers before…I met Squall." Pulling a handkerchief out of her pocket she sniffed lightly. "That was the summer I met Seifer, but…then…everything changed."

{Joyfully skipping along, the young Princess enjoyed the sun in her face. Her hair flowed in the wind and she couldn't help humming her mother's song. Behind her though, two loyal servants carried her majesty's packages hoping not to trip into anything.

"Riiiinoaaaaa, you can carry something!" Watts whined while he felt his knees buckle at every step.

"I'll get someone to help." She crossed her arms and scanned the crowds until her eyes fell on a tall, green eyed, blonde beauty. "I bet you he can carry everything by himself."

"Just get him here then if he's so strong." Sore arms and a even sorer back was enough reason for Zone to find a replacement.

"I'm going, I'm going." She approached the stranger who was looking into the Weapons shop. Inside was a costly sword, with a handle like a gun. "Excuse handsome, but my two friends over there need help carrying a couple of boxes."

"Really?" The stranger towered over her. He placed his gloved hand on the glass; behind he could read the weapon's name.

"I'm sure a big, strong guy like you can carry all of them, soooo will you please help them? Pretty please with sugar on top." Giving him the best Puppy-eyes she could muster, she continued to pester the green-eyed giant. "Or are you just a big meany?"

The glass next to her shattered and the Hyperion was taken out of its velvet casing. "I think I'm a big meany."

"What are you doing? You shouldn't be stealing that." Rinoa grabbed his arm and pouted again. "Return it at once and pay the owner for the window."

A pair of arms grabbed her from behind and pulled her away from the menacing figure. "Damn it Rinoa! This guy's a psycho. Run away!" Watts pulled her up and started to run.

"I thought you wanted help, Princess." Grinning madly he strode calmly. "You always want help, don't you?"

Looking around her, she still didn't understand what was going on. Everything turned grey and the crowds of people were now motionless shadows. The only sounds were her beating heart and Watts' and Zone's footsteps. She was paralyzed with fear and couldn't run on her own. Suddenly a low laugh filled the alleyways and the streets.

"You're never could defend yourself. Always needed others, huh, Rinoa?"

"Back off man! She never did anything to you." Zone stood unsurely in the middle of the street. The voice was coming from all directions.

"Your princess is a sorceress and you're her Knights. Doesn't that bother you?" The disembodied voice seemed louder than before. Rinoa clung onto Watts' vest tightly; tears streaming from her face.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Rinoa can't be a sorceress; she's too good for that." Feeling his stomach clench impulsively, he stood there afraid. His heart racing, he waited for a response, until he noticed a shadow looming over him.

"ZONE!!!…Behind you!" Rinoa lifted her eyes when Watts screamed, only to see the ominous warrior raise his blade and strike down on the paralyzed teen.

"I'll free you from servitude, too. You won't have to follow her orders any longer." Walking slowly in their direction, he dragged the blood-coated tip on the ground.

"Rinoa…stand up and RUN!!!" Forcing her to follow him, Watts ran down alleyways between buildings, trying to lose his pursuer. "I never should have left Dollet."

"H-he k-k-killed Zone, he k-kill-ed Zone." Her hair was sticking to her face and she could barely see. "W-why?"

"I don't know." Her savior stopped in a dark alley and looked around. "I think we lost him."

"Look, o-over there." Amongst the silhouettes was a small girl jumping rope. Her hair was black like a raven's feather and flowed down and up each time she jumped.

"Hey, kid…kid! Get out of the street." Whispering and hissing as loudly as he could Watts fought the urge to run out and grab the child. "I don't think she can hear me."

As though those were the secret words, the young girl turned stopped playing. She turned her head and smiled sweetly. Her golden-brown eyes were mystifying. Feeling allured to walk towards the eight year old, Watts let go of Rinoa. But the sound of boots broke him out of his stupor. "Run away kid…he's a bad guy."

The Hyperion placed casually on his shoulder glinted in the gray fog. The raven-haired child barely reached his stomach. "One two, Who are you?"

"S-shut up, you little bitch." The young girl only laughed at this. "S-stop i-it."

"Three four, I'm on the floor." She started to giggle and sat on the ground. "Five six, Time will never fix."

"Stop it!!....I don't want to…AAHhhhhhhhhh." The older teen clutched his head with one hand and his gunblade with the other.

"Seven eight, He's filled with hate." The girl stood up again and hugged his midsection, tightly.

"No…" He lifted the blade and pointed it at the child's neck.

"Nine ten, always…ugh." Her neck pierced by the tip of the blade, she stopped singing. She let him go and walked a few steps backwards, while blood flowed from her wound and stained her white dress. "You kan't kill me, you kan't kill me, you kan't kill me…."

"Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!!!." He cut her down and started to stab the corpse, except the corpse spoke. "You kan't kill me, you kan't kill me…."

"You monster, she was just a kid." Watts stormed out of his hiding place and was about to punch the blond killer, when two small hands begged him to run.

"He'll k-kill you. Le-ts go."}

"I never understood what happened in that part, why the little girl wasn't afraid of Seifer or why he looked so scared?" The handkerchief was soaked through as she cried during her entire retelling, but she still wasn't finished.

{After running for what seemed like hours, Rinoa and Watts reached the Caraway mansion. Their pursuer was covered in the child's blood and continued behind them.

"He's catching up. Quick, get inside." Just as they closed the door, a heavy pounding nearly forced it open. "Find your father's gun; I'll hold him off here."

"What's going on here?" The general's booming voice was heard at the top of the stairs.

"Daddy! He killed Zone and a little girl and now he's after us. Make him stop, please." She ran up the stairs and into her father's arms. "I'm sorry for being difficult, but please make him go away."

"I need a little help here, the door's 'bout to…" The blade of the Hyperion easily cut through the door and thus through the body holding it shut.

"WATTS." Freeing herself from her father, she tried to reach her friend.

"No…run." The weapon impaling him to the door slowly slid out. The doormat was soaked in his blood as he fell to his knees. "…run…"

"Rinoa! Come with me." Caraway grabbed his daughter's forearm and pulled her into his study. "Go behind the desk."

As she ran towards the desk, she passed next to a full length mirror. For only a moment she caught a glimpse of herself. Tangled hair, dirty dress and a pale face looked back. A few hours before she looked young, beautiful and innocent; now she knew appeared naïve and superficial. Plummeting behind the wooden furniture, she curled up underneath it. A small box started to yap at her.

"Don't worry. It's only a puppy, honey." Caraway was loading up his revolver. "I was going to give it to you this evening."

"Stop running, Princess." The thunderous voice was coming up the stairs. "Not even daddy can protect you."

The door slammed open, several shots fired, sparks flew into the air. "Uh, uh, uh." The attacker stood behind his weapon like a shield, smirking triumphantly. "That's no way to greet a guest."

He strode menacingly passing in front of the mirror. From a small space underneath the desk, Rinoa could see him approaching slowly. Clutching the small puppy against her chest, she could see the reflection. Instead of a muscular Aryan was a slender brunette with an identical scar between his eyes. Instead of threatening green eyes, there were stormy grey ones. Both had gunblades but were holding them differently. The unexpressive face caused recognition. "Sq-qu-all?"

Images of a gala; in the corner a silent and cold warrior. Standing behind Sorceress Edea as she left her to be attacked by Iguions and then saved by a cowboy and the same cold boy. A flash of light and the feeling of weightlessness as she drifted into space until the same warrior came to her rescue. All of these memories exploded into her consciousness. "Sei-fe-fer…you're Seifer."

"Get out of my way, old man." Thrusting his Hyperion sideways, he tore the top of the desk off and also gutted the galbadian general.

"Dad, NO!!" Crawling towards a corner, she couldn't believe what she saw. "No Seifer, don't kill him. Please DON'T."}

"After killing…my…f-father…I-I started sc-creaming out for you." The grieving girl had clamped her hand on Squall's. "I want-ted to be s-saf-fe."

"Rinoa, I…" ~That's what she went through? No wonder she feels helpless.~ Loss for words, her guardian stretched out his arms and pulled her into an embrace.

"I-I'm s-sorry…I c-can ne-v-ver defend myself." She dug her head into the hollow of his shoulder, so her voice became muffled and could barely be heard.

He closed the distance between even further and whispered lovingly. "You saved me as well. When I was lost in that wasteland, it was you that pulled me out."

Crying even louder, she felt relief, happiness and comfort in his arms. He rocked her back and forth whispering how important she was to him, until wailing stopped.

Sitting next to the couple, sat three people that felt that they were intruding on a very personal scene. At last, they disentangled themselves and the session continued.

"That was very brave of you, Ms. Heartilly." The doctor patted her on the shoulder. "We'll take a little break, so you can rest."

Sitting precariously on the edge of his chair, Zell cracked his knuckles and tapped his feet. ~Did you hear about that kid?…..Yes, I know. The rhyme….Seifer was scared of her…..That didn't stop him from stabbing her several times……He was scared……Don't tell me you feel pity for that bastard…..I wanna know more, just in case…..Just in case what?......I tell them everything…..How many times do we have to go through with this? You only tell them what I tell you to say…..I know, I know, but still….~ A loud rumbling sound emanated from the small blonde.

"Zell, when was the last time you ate?" Quistis, who was sitting next to him, lifted her head. While Rinoa spoke she had lowered it in concentration. "And please, don't lie."

"I had some chips for lunch." He crossed his arms, but another roar came out. "and nothing else in the past few days."

"You're going to eat something now." The taller blonde stood up and grabbed his forearm.

"No. I'll eat later. I want to know what happened with you." Trying to free his arm, Zell felt like a little kid being scolded.

"Dr. Kadowaki, I'm taking Zell to the Cafeteria. Can we continue tomorrow?" Already pulling the struggling fighter halfway across the room, Quistis awaits her answer.

"Yes, I believe that's a very good idea, Ms. Trepe. Besides, Ms. Heartilly and Mr. Leonheart need some time alone." She smiled appreciatively at the bespectacled woman. "I'm sure Mr. Dincht is in good hands."

"Thank you, doctor. Same time, tomorrow?" Standing as if she was addressing a commanding officer, it didn't seem as though a Martial artist tried desperately to pry her hand off.

~When did her grip get so strong?….. Be glad she cares enough to force you to eat something……Eating can wait, I want to know what happened…..I told you so…..What is that supposed to mean?.....I said you were going to regret it…..Shut up~

TBC

A/N

There's pun in the line (Everyone in the room looked up at her, the first to break the ice)

I'm not entirely sure whether or not Zone's and Watts' character matches the game's canon, but it isn't that important.

I'm not crazy about the SquallxRinoa relationship, but it works for this fic.

The next update will probably be in a week. I'm busy writing a lemony fic called "Hands on experience" at the moment.

Thank you for reading and reviewing. ^_^