Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Liontaming ❯ Part 10 ( Chapter 10 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Liontaming - Part 10

by paxnirvana Rating: NC-17 Fandom: Final Fantasy VIII Characters: Irvine/Selphie/Squall Archive: Please ask first.

Author's Note: Irvine and Selphie. They just fit. Now Squall, he's tougher. But I felt like the sullen bastard at least deserved a little TLC… or maybe just sex… and a truckload of angst… and some more emotional torture… and mucho sex… and a bunch of plot-twisting [yes, I change some facts. Like Irvine's eye color. Deal.] … *grin* 8/10/02

And ya know, the middle-to-end of Disk 3 has a lot of *talk* in it… dang, but Laguna can drone on and on and on… kind of like this chapter… I don't know why but I'm having a harder time finding good break points.

Disclaimer: Squaresoft owns; paxnirvana does not. Get it?

Squall stood in the rear of the cockpit of the dragon-like spaceship named Ragnarok and thought rather grimly that the name was fitting. He held firmly onto a handhold on the wall nearby, grateful for its solid presence as the ship dipped wildly through the air again before settling down to a semblance of a steady course. It certainly was starting to feel like the End of the World was imminent the way Selphie was flying. The autopilot was far smoother than she was. But then, the autopilot could only follow a homing signal blindly, and there were no convenient homing signals being generated by their current destination.

Even if they actually were going 'home'.

"Woo-hoo! We're flying!"

"We certainly are, sunshine," Irvine said from his place behind the pilot's seat. "You're amazing!" He was hanging over the back of her seat, amber eyes bright and eager as he watched Selphie's every move. Zell had appropriated the co-pilot seat to her left and was busy reading labels and displays and hopefully not touching anything. One kook at the wheel was enough. But Squall didn't say anything. Gave no orders. He just watched them all feeling even more alone than usual. But emotions boiled beneath his cool surface. Emotions he didn't want to face.

Quistis had taken over the main sensor station behind the pilot's seat near him at the back of the cockpit. She was sorting efficiently through the navigation database and sending appropriate data to Selphie's console. Not that the bouncy nunchaku expert was checking the displays. Selphie was too busy looking out the window and exclaiming over every little feature of land she recognized outside. She seemed to have recovered from the oddly silent funk she'd fallen into earlier during their impromptu meeting in the lounge below. Even if he hadn't quite yet.

He wanted to hold her again. But the memory of her struggling to get out of his arms still burned at him. Even though she'd done it to prevent embarrassing questions from Quistis, it felt like a premonition to him. A foreshadowing of the future. Of a lifetime spent avoiding embarrassing situations and hiding from the disapproval of others.

But why the hell should he care, really? He was already a killer and a mercenary. He might as well be a pervert too. Who would care outside SeeD? And inside SeeD he was the Commander. Who there would dare question him about his private life?

Yet Rinoa had already run from him for his coldness, his lack of humanity. The very distance that made him so good at what he did. Which was something he didn't know quite how to undo. Or even if he should. The world was still in danger. But eventually, no doubt even Selphie would realize how little humanity there was to him. And Irvine… had the sharpshooter really gone down on him just like that? Squall suppressed a groan of remembered ecstasy and fought a tell-tale flush. Where had his famous icy distance gone now?

Irvine he wasn't even going to try to pretend to understand any more. The Galbadian sharpshooter's angry question still echoed in his head. "You think that's all we're doin'? Fuckin' you?" What had he meant? Wasn't sex and duty all there was between the three of them? Wasn't it all there could be between the three of them? No matter what delusions his own screwed-up mind conjured.

Events were moving too fast now to try and figure it out. Even if he was prone to brooding on his problems - this couldn't be solved in his own head alone. And for now there was no time to talk it over with the two of them. No time to spend with them to see what, if anything, they could make of this strange arrangement.

"Oh, hey! Geez, did you see that, Zell?" Selphie gasped, taking one hand off the control stick to point out the front window at some spot far below. The ship shuddered slightly, dipped a bit, then steadied as Irvine quietly prompted her to put both hands on the controls again. She complied readily enough, shooting him a quick grin even as she babbled on. "Is that a really big cactaur down there on that island? Oh wow! It must be incredibly massively gigantic if we can see it from way up here! Let's go check it out!"

"No," Squall said sharply, and instantly felt guilty for stifling her enthusiasm, even a little. "We need to see Matron."

Zell had lunged out of his seat and pressed his face to the glass of the windscreen between splayed hands. He was staring down at the island below them, his mouth open.

"Oh, man," the martial artist said, tone tinged with awe. "That's one mother-huge cactaur all right. Whoa. We've gotta go back there and check it out later…"

"Really? You saw it too? Cool!" Selphie said, leaning way out around Irvine to grin broadly at the two of them in the back of the cockpit. Her eyes twinkled with mischief - apparently she didn't feel stifled at all. "Squall, we've just gotta stop by there later. It might be some kinda GF or something!"

"Ease up, sunshine," Irvine murmured as the ship dipped wildly, an indulgent smile on his face. But he still dropped a hand firmly on top of her head and turned her around to face front again. She let him do it with a delighted little giggle. Gods. Every little thing she found joy in. Squall groaned silently to himself, fighting the urge to move up beside her and just try to absorb some of her sheer ability to live.

"I've marked the location in the charts, Selphie," Quistis said calmly, brushing a loose lock of hair back from her face. "We'll be able to find that place again. Now would you please just concentrate on flying… since you've apparently designated yourself pilot."

"Oh, it's easy! This ship practically flies itself!" Selphie chirped with a flip of her head. Looking so ingenious and adorable that Squall felt the unfamiliar urge to laugh. "You'll have to give it a try too, Quisty!"

The blonde woman rolled her eyes at Squall in a dramatic and futile plea for patience, and he felt his lips curve ever so slightly into an answering grin. Yet the effect on Quistis was electric. She blinked at him in clear astonishment, her mouth falling open. The beginnings of a smile vanished as Squall frowned down at her.

"What?"

"Y-you… you almost… smiled!" she breathed. Softly enough that the others didn't hear. "I haven't seen you do that in… well, in years."

"Whatever…" Squall glared at her for a moment, stiffening slightly in startled offense, then he looked away out the windows. To watch the pale desert and then the gleaming sea speed by under the ship in a blinding blur.

What was the big deal? Selphie amused him. She was cute and bright and so annoyingly enthusiastic sometimes - and they all had to put up with her obsessions about the Garden Festival and Sir Laguna - but would the world come to screeching halt if she made him smile once in a while? Apparently, for Quistis, it would. He wondered briefly if it had anything to do with that old crush of hers. But he thought she'd gotten over that when they re-discovered their memories.

He was aware of Quistis' puzzled scrutiny, off and on, for several more minutes, but she wasn't quite daring enough to bring it up again. Then a flurry of questions from Zell on where they were now and how far away was that dang lighthouse anyway distracted her from watching him.

Squall sobered further, his heart aching. Emotions confused him. His own even more than those of others. He stared at the back of Irvine's head dully, saw the auburn tail of hair drifting down toward the darker perky flip of the girl as the tall gunman leaned casually over Selphie's seat, and he felt an odd panic seize him.

He might not fully understand the odd dynamics of this relationship, but he thought his world just might end if he didn't make it back into bed with Selphie at least one more time. And not just her alone. With both of them. He sucked in a soft breath as he remembered Irvine's amber eyes glowing with odd satisfaction up at him from below - despite the fact he hadn't got off himself. Those eyes haunted him… filled with mysterious and wicked knowledge. He wanted more of that… of them… and if that made him both greedy and a pervert, so be it.

But they were perfect together as they were. The two of them. Irvine and Selphie. Able to find joy, share joy even in the middle of this mess. While he could only stand to the side and watch. Not knowing how to join in. They certainly didn't need to burden themselves with a sullen bastard like him who shocked people when he smiled.

But, oh, how he wanted them to.

Centra was a lonely place. According to ancient records it had once been a thriving, lush continent filled with exotic peoples and even stranger animals. But it had been blasted and shattered by a cataclysmic Lunar Cry centuries ago. The desolate islands that were all that remained were unclaimed by any nation and had given temporary shelter to some of the more daring refugees from the last Sorceress War.

Almost twenty years ago, tiny villages had sprung up on the coast. Since then the people in them had existed on a marginal living from the sea. No one dared to explore too far inland, for fear of being lost in the maze of craggy islands that made up the interior of the old continent. Strange resonance points in those inner waters made inside navigation tricky, as they had discovered to Nida's intense disgust in Balamb Garden while searching for the White SeeD ship. The islands themselves were filled with magic-using monsters; Belhemel and Jellyeye and Blood Soul. Things that were fairly easy for SeeD to handle, but quite deadly to the average person. So only the most stubborn or independent had stayed on Centra after the War ended. But all that was on the northern side.

Far to the south, at the Cape of Good Hope, a lighthouse loomed over the dark seas. Maintained by engineers from Fisherman's Horizon, it was fully automated and had been for dozens of years, the old support complex long abandoned. So there was no one to care if the walls of the other buildings fell over and monsters nested nearby - as long as the lighthouse worked, nothing else mattered.

Cid and Edea Kramer had no doubt obtained the location cheaply for that very reason. They had installed their orphanage in the old support buildings. The remoteness of the location had insured at least a measure of peace in the turbulent times after the war ended. And their presence aided the lighthouse even as they worked hard to make the lonely place a home for children overlooked during the chaos. But something had changed that. Had caused the Kramers to close down the orphanage and scatter the occupants across the world.

Maybe it was time to find out why.

They left the dragon spaceship grounded several kilometers away, choosing to walk the short distance across the grassy plain toward their old home. Choosing wasn't quite the right term. Selphie had flatly refused to land the ship in the lush flower fields that surrounded the crumbling walls. She didn't want to spoil the fields. Squall had no compelling reason to override her and a lingering urge to indulge her, and so everyone had grudgingly prepared for a hike.

They had been here once before, after the battle with Galbadia Garden, and so the shock of memory was less. But it was still jarring to see the crumbling ruin that had once been their home and to see all the places they had once played as children buried under rubble. After a brief hesitation at the gate, Squall asked everyone else to wait outside the broken walls.

Strangely, for once, no one had protested. He was their leader. They trusted him. A strange ache inside him just grew stronger.

Squall approached the ruined building alone and it was fitting, somehow. He had spotted the slim form of Matron standing on the front porch, her hands folded gracefully before her, her head bowed as she waited for them. For him.

She was still dressed as the sorceress. Once a conduit of power, the risk always remained. He knew enough about higher magic to understand that. Until Ultimecia was destroyed, Edea could still be used against them. Just like Rinoa.

"Matron," he said when he came to a stop on the grass-choked stone path below her. The sultry dress, the elaborate hair and head-dress, the glittering makeup were all so out of place here amid the dusty ruins as to be laughable. But he felt no urge to laugh.

"Squall, you were always looking for Ellone with tears in your eyes," she said by way of acknowledgement, her dark eyes filled with infinite sadness, but no tears. She examined his face for a long while, brow furrowing in concern. Then she waved him up. He climbed the steps slowly, finally stopping at her side. He was vaguely astonished to realize that he was taller than she was. As the terrible Sorceress Edea possessed by Ultimecia she had seemed to loom over them all. The reality of Edea Kramer was far different.

"Something has changed," she said quietly. "Will you tell me?" He nodded but didn't say anything. Not certain where or even how to start. She frowned and looked away after a moment as the silence dragged. Squall could see Cid hovering in the darkness of the ruined hallway behind her, out of easy hearing range, but watching over his wife protectively.

For the first time, Squall felt he truly understood Cid's dilemma. How do you stop loving? Should you even try? Cid hadn't. And now he had his wife back again. At least for a little while. But what good did it do him to love Irvine and Selphie? They were already complete. Firmly, Squall drew his troubled thoughts back to the job at hand. As Irvine had pointed out, they needed information about sorceresses rather badly. And Edea Kramer was the only source they could even partially trust.

"Yes, well, I have something to tell you, Squall, and it is long past time I did. It is about my powers," Matron closed her eyes for a moment, as if lost in pained memory. "Thirteen years ago… yes, that's the real start. Right here. You know I first became a sorceress as a little girl, yes?" He nodded once, a stiff movement of his head. She continued. "But I also became a sorceress once again… thirteen years ago. That day… right here."

She looked down at the path he had just walked, a pained look on her face. As if the broken stone and tufted grass itself held infinite misery. She folded her hands together again, lacing the fingers tightly as she spoke.

"Here, I encountered a sorceress on the verge of death. She was terrible and frightening, a figure of great fear for my children… for all of you. I could not let her get to any of you, could not let her burden any of you as I had been burdened. And so I accepted her powers - but they were far more than what I had experienced before. Her powers… changed me. Just in little ways at first, but her influence slowly grew until I knew I would have to take steps to protect the world from me. From what I was becoming…"

"SeeD," Squall said sharply, meeting her dark gaze. Guilt and anguish lurked there, as well as a fierce pride and a weary determination.

"Yes, SeeD. I worked hard to create that which could destroy me. That which would have to destroy me if the memories and visions I suffered bore any truth."

"Why us?" he asked, his voice hollow, his hands fisted at his sides. It was the question that had always nagged at him. The question NORG had mocked him for. Why had she turned her children into killers? She closed her eyes briefly, as if in pain.

"The dying sorceress was not the only visitor I had that day," she said, looking out over the broken columns and crumbled stone to the old gate. Her eyes unfocused as she recalled the past.

The silence dragged again. He watched her for those charged moments, aware of Cid shifting uneasily in the background, aware of his own uncertainty, aware of the buzz of insects in the still air. She gave a tiny shake of her head and finally spoke again, her voice soft but clear.

"It was a strange, ominous day; the air was filled with raw energy both magical and natural. I will remember that frightening aura in the air until I die. Thunderstorm after thunderstorm raced toward us across the sea. I would not let you children outside to play for fear of lightning and you were all restless and unhappy."

Squall shifted on his feet and folded his arms over his chest. He had the sudden sensation that he didn't really want to hear what she would say next.

"Irvine, the dear, was pleading with me to let you all go outside," she smiled faintly, looking down at her side as if seeing the shade of the little boy who had once stood there, pleading with her. "We were alone here on the porch when a lightning bolt struck a column in the garden. Marble exploded everywhere. I shielded Irvine with my powers as best I could - he was so brave, he didn't cry at all… When we looked up, there was a strange man standing inside the gate. A man who wore black leather and a silver charm around his neck and carried a gunblade in his hand… With a bloody wound on his forehead, between his brows."

She reached up to his face then, brushed a finger across his scar, her touch softer than a feather. Squall flinched back, eyes wide with shock, a denial on his lips.

"No."

"It had to be you, Squall. Because you have already done it, once."

"No," he said, glaring at her. "I don't remember… and I already have the scar." His breath caught painfully in his throat. He fought words out around the lump. "I don't believe in fate."

"This isn't fate," she said sadly. "This involves ultimate time magic, and so nothing is set until the spell ends. You could still fail. All I know is that there is hope of an end… and that you might return here with blood on your face, but more than that, I cannot tell. I do not know if you were the only one to survive or the only one lost, but I know you fought her, defeated her. And somehow, you followed her here as she was dying."

"So this… is all this my fault?" he asked, heart pounding sickly in his chest. Matron's eyes widened in dismay and she took a step toward him, reaching up to cup his face with her hands. The gesture was familiar, shocking through him as memory flashed onto her doing exactly the same to him as a small boy. Kneeling before him, her beautiful face smiling and warm, she would cup his tear-streaked face and try to reassure him. But none of her reassurances had brought Elle back to him…

"No! Never, Squall," she said now. "The fault lies with the sorceress from the future. But if you were the one to defeat her once… then only in your lifetime may she be defeated again or the spell of Time Compression will complete and she will win regardless. But if guilt must be assigned, it should be to me. I was a weak sorceress. I let my powers languish and that left me open and vulnerable. She simply exploited that weakness." She let her hands fall away from his face. "For that, I am sorry. But I would take on her powers again, live every horrifying moment over again if it would keep you children free of her curse."

Her words dispelled some of the sick fear that he had somehow caused this nightmare to begin. Squall raised his head, straightening his shoulders and looked straight into Cid's homely, worried face. The former Headmaster had come up behind his wife and laid his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. Matron lifted a hand to cover Cid's, the gesture natural and easy. They were bonded. They loved. Even in the face of the terrible burden she had carried for so long - the knowledge that she would turn evil one day, that she would try to destroy all they had built together - they still loved.

Squall bowed his head to them both.

"Then it's worse than I thought," he said quietly. "Your powers - her powers - they went to Rinoa."

Cid sucked in a shocked breath, hand tightening on his wife's shoulder. She glanced at him, and they exchanged speaking looks, the kind that only people who knew each other well and trusted each other could exchange. Cid shook his head once, frowning.

"It was the lesser of two fears, but only by a little," Matron said, face paling, but she lifted her chin, turning back to Squall and watching him closely. "Where is she now?"

"The Esthar have her," Squall said shortly. "They're planning to seal her."

She searched his expression for a long, charged moment, looking for something in his eyes, his manner.

"Do you have feelings for her?"

Squall folded his arms over his chest and glared down at the pitted marble under his boots. He didn't want to answer, but Matron deserved that much honesty from him. He shrugged, fighting the tension that had built inside.

"Disgust is a feeling, I guess."

"Dis… Squall? What happened?" Cid cut in finally, blinking at him in astonished surprise. "Last time I was at Garden Rinoa was cheerfully dragging you around everywhere… you seemed almost happy to be with her."

He glared out at his old Headmaster from under his hair, eyes narrowed. Cid blanched slightly in response. Matron just frowned.

"She used us - used me," Squall spat, feeling his anger surge anew. But it was cold anger. All his heat had been spent on Irvine. "She just wanted to get close to Seifer. She's in love with him, so she let Ultimecia take her over in order to help him escape…"

"Ah!" Matron interrupted, holding up her free hand to stall his clipped words. "I understand now. She is seeking her Knight. Squall, you must not judge her too harshly. Rinoa may have abused your trust, but I believe her motives are like mine… she seeks to protect the one she loves. And that is Seifer… Ah, Seifer…"

Her voice trailed off and she shuddered. Cid slid his arm around her slender shoulders, pulling her close to him. The move was tender and loving, and yet protective all at the same time. Like Irvine with Selphie…

And suddenly part of what she said impacted him. Hard.

"What exactly does it mean to be a Sorceress' Knight?" Squall asked, voice hollow. He discounted all Seifer's crazy ramblings about romantic dreams and ancient tales. There had to be more to it than that.

"A sorceress without a knight has no anchor," Matron said quietly. "He is her protection, her check, her grasp on reality. A good knight will give a sorceress peace of mind. He will protect her spirit. Nearly all the evil sorceresses of history were without knights, or had knights of evil intent. In ancient times, honorable knights were found for sorceresses as soon as the powers were passed, in order to keep them from becoming evil. Adel had no knight. And I know the sorceress from the future does not have one."

"Wait… isn't Seifer her Knight?" Squall asked, stunned.

"No," Matron said, shaking her head, a terrible sadness in her eyes. "She controls him utterly, but through dark magic - blood magic. That one would not make herself vulnerable to a true Knight." She looked over her shoulder and smiled fondly at Cid. "How do you think I was able to resist her control for so long? A Knight has a link with his sorceress' mind, and he can influence her thoughts, her very being…"

"...the hell," Squall said tightly, fighting a sharp sinking in his gut. Remembering what had happened in space. He turned away and abruptly slammed his clenched fist against the broken pillar beside him, shaking little pieces of stone free. They clattered loudly on the marble below in the shocked silence.

Matron was the first to speak. "Squall, what is it?"

"I… I think I'm Rinoa's Knight."

He felt Matron's hand brush his shoulder, could feel the worried tension filling her. But he didn't turn.

"Tell me," she said, her tone urgent.

And so, slowly and using the bare minimum of words, he told Matron about Ellone, and about finding Rinoa in space through Ellone's strange power to experience another's memory. He skimmed over the content of Rinoa's memories - ignoring completely the shame and anger and sharp sense of betrayal he'd felt when he realized she had fooled him so completely. Telling her about the strange link he felt - even now - between his mind and Rinoa's. Like a junction.

He had turned to face her by the end of his explanation, and so he saw her nod gravely at that comparison. "That's essentially what the Knight's Bond is. Can you tell what she's feeling right now?" Matron asked him softly. Cid stood beyond her, looking uneasy and unhappy once more.

Squall just stared at Matron, even more reluctant to touch the link that lurked at the back of his mind now that he knew what it meant. Him and Rinoa. Bound through magic. Thought to thought. Knight to Sorceress. She'd once teased him about not being able to read his mind. Now she probably could, if she only tried…

"Squall, unless someone strong is linked to her, Ultimecia will overwhelm her again. And each time Rinoa's will falters, the easier it will become for Ultimecia to control her…"

"If it's like a junction, can it be removed?" he asked, frowning.

"I said it is essentially a junction, but not wholly. And yes, in the early stages it can be transferred," she said with a sigh. "But to whom? Zell? Irvine? I'm afraid it can't be to one of the girls - a female mind is too similar. It is the male/female oppositional dynamic that makes the bond most effective. And from what I've heard of Rinoa from Cid, she is headstrong and would easily overpower most any other SeeD-trained male you paired her with."

Squall flinched but stayed silent. He'd come to that conclusion himself already. Girls still intimidated Zell and there was no way in hell he was inflicting Rinoa on Irvine - for many reasons. No, dealing with Rinoa was still his obligation.

"I'm sorry, but you must remain her Knight," Matron said earnestly. Aware of his turmoil. "And you cannot allow the Esthar to seal her. They can no longer do it effectively enough to keep Ultimecia away and isolating the poor girl now would only let the future sorceress get a stronger hold on her mind."

"Cid was your Knight… and your husband," Squall offered after a long moment of brooding silence, glancing at her warily from the corners of his eyes.

Matron sighed deeply and nodded. "I won't lie to you, Squall. If you had strong, caring feelings for Rinoa - and she for you - this would make everything much easier."

Seifer's name hung unsaid in the air between them. He knew Rinoa didn't love him, but that didn't concern Squall as much. He knew his own will was strong. He could ignore her feelings, if need be. He was good at ignoring other people's feelings… but…

"What if I…" Squall broke off abruptly. Not able to expose his own feelings even as a supposition.

But Matron was perceptive and wise. She smiled at him gently. "What if you are in love with someone else?" Squall didn't even dare nod, he just kept his stare level on her. "I don't know, Squall. That is beyond my experience. But you must rescue her from the Esthar - before they doom us all."

When he came down from the ruined building he found his slow steps taking him to the terrace above the flower field rather than out the gate to where his friends waited. He needed a moment alone to absorb everything Matron had told him.

Squall stopped at the edge of the old terrace and leaned against one of the broken pillars that, if his tattered memory was correct, had once supported a kind of stone lattice. The lattice had been covered by twisting, broad-leafed grape vines during his childhood. A verdant cavern, cool in the summer, burgeoning with fruit in the fall. The vines were long gone, the stonework shattered and broken, but he vaguely remembered how they had all endlessly played hide and seek out here. Even him, until Sis left and his descent inward began.

He heard a series of barks in the distance and looked up. Angelo was bounding through the fields beyond, following behind a twirling Selphie. The dog was leaping around her happily, tail wagging. The yellow-clad girl's arms were filled with flowers and her head was tilted back in abandon as she laughed up at the sky. Petals drifted around her like multi-colored snow; pale pink, white, yellow, blue. Bright and cheerful and hopeful, like the girl who had plucked them. Her reddish-brown hair gleamed in the sun and her laughter floated up with the petals on the warm breeze.

Such joy…

He didn't even have to turn his head to spot the tall figure shrouded by tan leather that always stood near the laughing girl. Irvine. He was watching Selphie too, his black hat pushed back on his head, an indulgent, proprietary grin on his face. Beyond, Zell was shadow-boxing and doing flips through the rippling field, keeping himself primed for battle or just burning off excess energy. Either explanation would do; it was nearly impossible to keep Zell still. While to the side, Quistis was seated gracefully on the broken stub of a gate column, a thoughtful frown on her face as she stared out over the flowers to the sea in the distance. Brooding, too, most likely.

They were his battle companions, his fellow SeeD. And his friends. Practically the only family he had ever known. And two of them were now his lovers… He stared at Selphie and Irvine and frowned, feeling the now-familiar ache around his heart in their presence.

Lovers. They were lovers. They were his lovers.

So what was this ache? Was it really love?

A month ago, he would have scoffed at the idea that the emotion was even possible for him. During the last few weeks, he had only barely adjusted to the whole concept of friendship and that others already considered him as a friend. He'd been so inwardly-focused for so much of his life - not daring to admit to lasting connections, even to the point of convincing himself they weren't necessary. It all had come from the fear of being abandoned again, though he hadn't even remembered why until Trabia. His life before had been concentrated solely on graduating from Garden, on making the ranks of SeeD. Because it had seemed to be the only thing he was suited for.

Until Ultimecia had come and changed their lives forever. Again. His mind still reeled at the concept. Because Ultimecia had already had a hand in making him what he was... and what he would become… Cold and remote. Squall Leonhart. Orphan. Loner. Gunblade expert. Forged by relentless SeeD training into a perfect weapon. A perfect killer.

A weapon to kill the sorceress. Without hesitation or remorse. And he would. Now more than ever.

Yet he'd felt an essential change complete in space - the change begun in Irvine's room back at Balamb Garden. When, in a moment of unusual weakness, he'd first allowed himself to be touched. And allowed himself to submit to human emotion, to human need. And the longing that surrender had created had scraped away all pretense. He wasn't just a killing machine - he was as human as the rest of them. He needed love. Wanted love. And, for whatever reason, Irvine and Selphie had reached out and drawn him into their circle. First as friend, then as lover.

They had shown him everything he had missed; warmth, affection, trust, caring. And now that he had finally tasted them, he found he needed those things. Craved them. Just as Irvine had taunted him. He wanted to feel those things with them again; he cursed the self-consciousness and fear that had kept him from it before. He wanted the two of them to take him back to that water-dappled room in Esthar and hold his trembling body between theirs until the fear faded and the longing was satisfied. He wanted to go back and build castles in the shower out of soap. He wanted to go back and let Irvine come inside him completely, surrender everything into his knowing hands. He wanted to go back and devour the earthy essence of Selphie and make her scream his name with joy.

It was selfish, but he needed them. He wanted them to take care of him even as he struggled with the nearly overwhelming desire to hide them away, to protect them, to conceal them in a place that was safe and kind. Like this field of flowers. He wanted to see them forever like this, happy and carefree and never again see them stained with their own blood in battle. His hands fisted at his sides in sudden helpless anger.

They shouldn't ever have to fight again, to kill again. And he'd do whatever he could to make a future like that come true for them…

[That's what love is, Squall.]

The sudden intrusion of a voice inside his head made him tense. The floating petals dancing in the sunlit sky faded away around him as he looked deep into his own mind. Looked finally at the place he'd been trying to ignore since returning from space. And it was there he found her waiting for him.

[Maybe you do understand…]

(Rinoa?)

[I can feel it, Squall... calling. Your love. She must be very special, your girlfriend. I was wrong, you know - what I said about you being a robot. I just wanted to hurt you. I was cruel because I could feel this in you and I knew it wasn't for me. Can you forgive me?]

(Rinoa, where are you?)

[I can't remember if Seifer and I were like this. I hope we were. Because what you feel is so strong… so beautiful…] There was a wistful sense of melancholy about her voice, making it seem pale and wan in the depths of his mind. Reminding him of the broken columns around him, once strong but now… [My memories are so… confused… since I let her into my head - but memory is all I have of Seifer. He's been gone from me for so long, all I can do is hope… Hope that somehow love will bring him back to me…]

Her mental voice trailed off into spark-like sobs. Despite her pain, her regret, he was relieved that she couldn't see the full truth in his head. His will was too strong for that, at least. Maybe he could be strong enough for the both of them and grant her heart's desire and free Seifer. Matron's words had made him see that Seifer was as much a victim of Ultimecia as any of them… perhaps more. Seifer's willful pride had been his undoing, but Squall just didn't have the energy to resent his old rival any longer. Because he thought he could understand some of Seifer's frustrations better now. Why he'd been so crazy-wild to risk himself for Rinoa in Timber… It had been for love.

(Keep fighting for him, Rinoa. He'd want you to.)

[Is this really you, Squall?] He felt her disbelief over his sudden compassion pierce like a sharp blade into his mind. [I thought you hated me now. I thought you couldn't understand…]

He gathered his thoughts, his will. Reached out and touched her mind, strengthening the link between them. But not for her sake. (Love isn't wrong, Rinoa. Fight for Seifer. He's under a spell. He should be your Knight instead of me, but you'll have to break him free of Ultimecia's control.)

[My Knight? Are you my Knight, Squall? Is that what this is?]

(Yes. Matron explained it to me. It's like a junction.)

[Poor Squall, now you have me in your head. It must make your girlfriend so jealous…] Her mental voice wavered slightly, fading into a wash of vanilla tinged, blue-white light. Colors and sounds and scents mixed oddly in his mind as she spoke, confusing him like the touch of distant magic.

(Rinoa? Are you alright?)

[They gave me a shot… I'm very sleepy. They've done a lot of tests, but I think they're going to seal me soon. I don't like this room, Squall. It's cold here… so very cold… like space…]

Acid worry touched her sense with a pained rumble of green-yellow fear.

(Rinoa! Fight! Don't let them seal you! It's dangerous… oh hell, I'm coming. I'm coming to get you out. Hang on.)

[Squall… Hurry…] Her voice faded into indigo darkness, into musky gloom. He plunged after it, searching for her frantically amid the junctions in his mind, making Shiva and Cerberus stir uneasily.

(Rinoa! Damn it! Rinoa!)

She was gone.

He shocked back to physical awareness to find his head pillowed in Selphie's lap and her hand stroking his cheek. He knew it was Selphie even with his eyes closed. Her scent, her feel were burned into his senses and he reacted instinctively by reaching up and cupping her hand with his, pressing it closer. Reassuring himself with the feel of her - there were no odd sensory shadows lingering to confuse him.

He heard a startled gasp from somewhere beside him and knew vaguely that that should concern him, but Selphie's touch was too comforting. After a moment, he slowly pried his eyes open and looked around. Irvine was crouched beside Selphie, his golden eyes narrowed in concern. A worried Zell hovered beyond while Quistis knelt on his far side, her blue eyes wide. Angelo sat near his feet, dark doggy eyes locked on him beseechingly. As if he could somehow sense the peril his mistress was in.

"Squall, are you okay? We spotted you standing over here and then you just kinda collapsed," Zell said gruffly, crouching down beside him too. He was now ringed by worried faces. And strangely, it didn't annoy him. Too much. Old habits did die hard.

"Irvine saw you fall," Quistis said, a subdued note to her voice. But he had no time for her sensibilities now.

"They drugged Rinoa," he said, frowning as he pulled himself reluctantly out of Selphie's lap and sat up. The scent of flowers was strong and stray petals still clung to her yellow jumper. He wanted to linger there, cradled in her arms, but duty called. Obligation was sharp, but guilt was sharper. "They've been doing tests on her. We have to get back before they seal her."

"How do you know this?" Quistis demanded, brows drawn together in a dubious frown.

"She's in my head. I'm her Knight," Squall said shortly, knowing he couldn't get them moving now without a little more explanation. Selphie's breath hissed in and Irvine stifled a curse. He carefully didn't look at either of them.

"Her… Knight?" Quistis repeated. Squall reached out and patted Angelo once, looking into the dog's dark eyes. Angelo. Loyal and loving to the last. He deserved to be reunited with his mistress. And she deserved a chance to save her love, if love was to mean anything at all.

"Matron told me real Knights have a kind of junction link with their Sorceress," Squall said, pressing his hand to his forehead to keep from reaching for Selphie, so close beside him. The urge to pull her against him was shockingly strong. "That link keeps Sorceresses from going crazy from all the power, probably. Cid is Matron's Knight and he was able to help her keep Ultimecia out of her head for all those years until they could build SeeD."

"All those years?" This from Irvine, behind him. Quick and smart. He had to admire that about him. One of many things…

"Apparently, Ultimecia's already died once. Thirteen years ago. And she passed her powers to Matron."

"What?" The single yelped word was a simultaneous outpouring of disbelief from all of them. He stifled a wry smile over it. No sense giving them something else to be shocked about.

"Shit!" Irvine added almost instantly. "Then that's what I saw!"

"Yes," Squall said, looking over his shoulder thoughtfully at the taller man. "She said you were there when it happened."

Irvine went pale and his eyes grew haunted. "That's not all I saw…" he breathed, staring intently at Squall who met his gaze steadily. Feeling Irvine's pained confusion like his own. And it hurt. Feelings hurt. Loving hurt. Squall gathered up the remnants of his old icy indifference and pulled them around him protectively. Keeping up the charade with effort.

Because he wanted to wrap the other man in his arms and reassure him that everything would be okay. Convince him that he would make it be okay. He was the Commander. It was his duty. And he had been the one to pursue Ultimecia to this place… Matron had said she didn't know if he was the only one lost - or the only one to survive. Yet if those were truly the only choices, and if, in the final battle, it came down to his survival or theirs… He already knew what his choice would be.

It wouldn't even be a choice.

"What does all that mean? What are you guys talking about?" Selphie gasped, looking frantically between the two of them. Worried by their curious stillness, the locked gazes, the sharp intensity in the air.

"He saw me when he was a kid," Squall said, holding on to his forced calm firmly. The idea of some kind of fate influencing his life still grated. And now that Irvine had confirmed Matron's outrageous story, it only grated more. "Like I am now. Or that's what Matron claimed."

"I did see you, Squall. It must have been you… that coat… your face… the blood…" Irvine trailed off, uncertain, losing himself in memory. He stood up abruptly and turned away. Selphie seemed torn, her gaze flickering from Irvine to Squall as she wondered which man to comfort first, who needed her more. Squall caught her gaze from the corner of his eye and nodded almost imperceptibly in Irvine's direction. After only a tiny hesitation, Selphie leaped up and followed the tall sharpshooter. He didn't go far. Selphie caught up to him and wrapped her arms around Irvine's waist from behind, laying her head against his arm, offering him silent comfort. Squall wanted very badly to join them.

"Wait a sec!" Zell blurted, giving him a welcome distraction. "Are you trying to tell me we already beat Ultimecia?"

"Maybe. In one possible time." Squall climbed wearily to his own feet. Feeling curiously hollow and raw inside as he shot surreptitious looks at his two lovers. He was tired of pretending he didn't care about them both. But he didn't know how to go about showing it without making a complete fool out of himself. That left him feeling irritable and angry. "But Matron said there aren't any guarantees with time magic." He shook his head. "That doesn't matter right now. Right now we have to get to Esthar and rescue Rinoa. We can talk it over later."

Selphie and Irvine both turned at his words. Irvine looked strangely shaken. And Squall briefly wondered what else the sharpshooter remembered seeing...

"Let's get back to the ship."

By the time they made it back to the ship, Irvine was nearly his normal self again. But he didn't seem to want to talk about the surprising revelations Squall had made. Selphie frowned and brushed a few lingering petals off the hem of her jumper. It was tricky to be worried about them both and not give anything away, especially when Squall was by far the most worrying of the two. Irvine she could at least count on opening up to her eventually. Squall would just brood and keep everything to himself, the stubborn jerk.

Like, how the hell had he ended up becoming Rinoa's Knight anyway? And just what did that mean? To him. And to them.

By Diablos, she was going to get that boy alone for a little while if it killed him… her… whoever… and find out. She smiled involuntarily at her own jumbled thoughts, then shot a look at the dark-haired man beside her. He was leaning against the back wall of the cockpit again, arms folded across his chest, gray eyes blank as he brooded.

Ooh! What did she just think about that? He was so going to get it.

She had even cleverly maneuvered it so that Zell was piloting and Quistis co-piloting for this return trip. She had given her sweetie a significant look and so he settled against the back of the pilot's seat again with a rueful smile, distracting the other two with comments about the best flight path back to Esthar. So quick on the uptake, her sweet Irvine. She'd owe him big later. The thought made her practically shiver with anticipation.

Since all of that left her and Squall essentially alone at the back of the bridge, damned if she was going to waste it.

"Can I ask you something, Squall?" she said, keeping her voice low. But he didn't move or even acknowledge her words. He just continued to stare and brood.

She wanted to leap into his arms again and give him a hug, the silly dufus, but didn't quite dare. The others were chattering away behind them, their voices cheerful and excited. And distracting. They were talking about things they could see outside the windows as the ship took off and made it's wobbly way north; strange ruins and glowing blue rocks and Chocobo forests. She shook her head impatiently. This was no time to have her attention split.

"All right, I guess this is a really bad place to talk. But we're talking, leader-man," Selphie said with a determined grin, inwardly concerned, even a little frightened by his continued grim silence. She caught at one of the crossed belts at his hip, tugged hard on it, pulling him off-balance slightly. His head snapped around and he glared at her. She had his attention, finally. Determinedly undaunted, she tugged harder, pulling him toward the elevator. He followed, stumbling a bit, but following her and not resisting. It cheered her. At least he wasn't ignoring her any more.

"You know, we've all missed breakfast and lunch today, guys," she called brightly to the rest of the bridge. "Squall and I are going to check around for supplies! See ya!" Irvine gave her a wicked grin over his shoulder, eyes bright as he took in her tight grasp on Squall's belt. It was her turn, after all. She briefly matched his wicked grin, feeling such a rush of affection for her tall, golden lover that it almost made her run back and drag him off too. But the others... and there was Squall to deal with first, so maybe later… no, definitely later…

She still had a tight hold on Squall's belt as they moved to the back of the elevator pad. She looked up at him as he shifted beside her. The hooded gray gaze was centered on her now, intent and grim. She shivered faintly but smiled at him with dogged cheeriness.

The way he was watching her… she felt a familiar heat start to rise inside. She tore her gaze away from him reluctantly, glancing toward the front of the ship to see if anyone other than Irvine was paying attention to them. They weren't. Even Irvine had turned forward, pointing to something on the control panel near Quistis to keep her attention focused away from her and Squall; Zell was occupied with flying the ship. Mostly.

"Okay, cool! I'm starved!" Zell replied, excitement clear in his voice. The martial artist raised one hand off the control stick and waved it back at them. "And, hey, you're right, Selph, this thing is easy to fly!" The ship rolled faintly from side to side as if in response to his boast. And while it was fun while you were in the pilot's seat, it did make walking and standing kind of a challenge. Selphie grinned and braced her free hand against the wall even as she clutched tighter onto Squall's belt. No wonder Irvine was holding on to those seats so firmly.

"Yeah, but still, don't fly us into any mountains, Zell!" she called back with a laugh as the elevator began to sink, Squall silent and tense at her side.

When they reached the main level, she was only mildly startled when Squall abruptly swept her into his arms. That look in his eyes had been some warning, at least. He was shivering faintly as he buried his face in her hair again. She wound her arms around him in return, sliding one under the heavy coat to feel the heat of him through his thin shirt. Also feeling the hitch in his breathing, the raw need in his grasp.

"Don't go…" he murmured, even though she'd made no move to escape his hold.

"Oh, Squall," she breathed back, a surge of worry making her throat ache. "I'm not going anywhere, sweet thing. Just tell me what's going on…"

"I don't… I…" he broke off with a choked sound, the shivers growing stronger as he held her almost painfully tight.

"Oh no, no… shhh… don't worry about it yet. Just take me somewhere," she whispered in his ear. He pulled back and stared down into her eyes with raw intensity. Then his mouth was on hers, hungry, seeking. She wound her arms around his neck, tangling her fingers in his silky-dark hair as she arched up to meet him.

He kissed her breath away, tongue searching her mouth relentlessly, lips hard. Her mind spun and her heart pounded. She let him control the kiss, let him bruise her lips until the pressure of teeth split tender skin and she tasted blood. But it didn't matter. She was just as hot and needy as he was. The embrace in the lounge hadn't been nearly enough. He was back and he was alive, but hurting in some way. She just wanted to make it better.

Finally he had to pull back, taking deep, shuddering breaths along with her. She wound her fingers firmly in his hair, stared up into his half-lidded, somehow wary eyes and grinned.

"Take me somewhere and fuck me," she demanded, her voice low. He shuddered, eyes closing briefly only to snap open again, fire in their depths. Without another word he swept her up into his arms, lifting her with ease. Lean muscle rippled in his chest. She wound her arms around his neck, holding him close.

He strode quickly across the small room and through the big double doors. They opened onto a larger space, one with a catwalk that led to the rear of the ship and a flight of stairs on the side. A cargo hold, maybe, or a hanger, she didn't know for sure but it was certainly a big echoing, empty space. Not private at all.

She had seen most of the interior of the ship on the monitors when she had searched for him earlier. She knew there were small cabins somewhere aboard. She had no idea where they were in relation to them, but Squall seemed to have a definite destination in mind.

She snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feel of being carried. It was just as nice as when Irvine did it - it made her feel so special and cherished. Like a story-book princess being swept off by her prince or something. Not that she was helpless or in need of rescue like one of those dippy girls - she preferred to slay her own dragons, thank you - but it was a nice fantasy. Besides, it was the prince in this story who was in dire need of rescue…

With a secretive smile she pressed her mouth to the pale skin under Squall's ear. He shot a hot glance down at her and walked faster, even as a frown turned down his lips.

Oh, he was so sweet, but dang, this boy thought too much! She could already see the hesitation, the sense of duty taking him over. She kissed him again, trailing her lips down his neck even as her hand stroked through his hair. That seemed to make up his mind.

Long legs carried them quickly down the stairs. At the back of the big hangar-like room was another small doorway. This door slid open to reveal a small round-ish room with five doors coming off of it. He walked straight to the closest one and opened it.

Beyond this final door was one of the cabins. A bed dominated the back wall of the tiny room, some kind of mesh web hung above it. Small lockers lined the walls. She kicked off her boots, listening to the dull thumps as they hit the floor on the way across the room. At least it was painted a warm rosy color rather than the full-on red of the rest of the ship… but then she didn't have time to notice anything else about the room as Squall knelt on the bed and laid her gently down on it. Moving with deliberate care. Making her feel precious.

He ended up leaning over her with his hands braced on either side of her head. Then he just hovered there above her, gray eyes hooded, mouth grim. Seemingly frozen.

She reached up and wound her hands behind his head, tugging him closer.

"You think way too much, do you know that Squall Leonhart?" she said with mock severity. And as she'd anticipated, his mouth opened to respond - so she kissed him. After a long, wet, deep embrace, she pulled away and breathed against his lips, "Sometimes, you just need to feel."

His gray eyes went silver. She pressed a hand against the inside bend of his right elbow, encouraging him to let it collapse, to drop down onto the bed beside her. He did so, draping a leather-clad leg over her thighs. Eyes glittered at her from under dark bangs. The scar was a deeper shadow against his skin, tinged faintly with red. Gods, he was beautiful.

"Aren't you going to ask about Rinoa?" he said softly. She smiled and shook her head at him, reveling in the mild confusion that raised in his gray eyes.

"Right now all I need is to feel your cock inside me," she said. "Afterwards I'll grill the snot out of you." His eyes darkened, the pupils widening with desire.

"Gods, the way you talk…" he groaned, raising a shaking hand to stroke loose strands of hair back from her face. But he didn't seem alarmed or offended, just vaguely confused, and the softened look on his face was incredibly sexy. Almost vulnerable. She wanted to hug him close and never let him go.

"Is there something wrong with the way I talk?" she asked instead, knowing he wouldn't take well to that. The question all innocence as she arched herself against him. He was hard and she was hot. And they were finally lying down… she moaned softly and bit at her lower lip.

"No," he said, the shadow of a grin tugging faintly at the very corner of his mouth. She sucked in a surprised breath at the sight, which unfortunately seemed to frighten that tentative smile away. His mouth straightened and even turned down a little bit. A far more common Squall expression, unfortunately.

"Oh gods, don't stop. Smile for me, sweet thing," she said breathlessly, raising a hand to brush her fingers over his lips. He didn't answer her, nor did he almost-smile again. He just watched her stonily, desire hidden. But not gone. She could still feel his rock-hard erection pressing into her hip. So with a sigh of regret, she smiled for him, curving her hand around his neck.

Her thumb brushed across his ear, teased the single golden stud in the lobe. "Why are you still dressed?" she asked softly, and let her smile turn wicked.

"Because you haven't taken my clothes off yet," he answered in all seriousness.

She laughed. "Maybe I don't want to take your clothes off. Maybe I want you to fuck me hard while wearing all that leather, right through the fly with your belts pressing into my skin until I come screaming your name. How does that sound, hmm?" she purred, watching him closely. He flushed, and his eyes went briefly wide. She let her smile deepen with smug satisfaction. His breathing was getting distinctly ragged, and she could see his pulse throbbing in his throat. It looked so delicious that she leaned up and pressed her lips to it. Sucking lightly on his skin. He groaned softly.

"Somehow I expected Irvine to be the crude one…" he said, his voice harsh, but his hand was gentle on her, stroking her waist, rubbing her jumper against her already sensitive skin. She made a low sound of satisfaction, lifting herself toward him, stroking the back of his neck.

"Oh, don't let him fool you. He can get downright raunchy at times," she assured him blithely. "He just pours on the honey at first. Once he's hooked you he's a regular sailor in the language department." His hand drifted higher, tracing the curve of her breast through her jumper. She stifled a gasp as her nipples peaked.

"Why do I have a hard time believing that?" he said, deadpan. Oooh, was he teasing her? There was the faintest gleam in his eye as he looked at her. Squall Leonhart was actually teasing her! Selphie wanted to crow in triumph. Instead she kissed him, drawing him down to her to do it. There was heat in those gray eyes now. Enough heat to singe her if she wasn't careful. But when was she ever careful?

When he pulled away to let them both breath, she mock-pouted, "You don't believe me? Humph!"

"No, Selphie, I don't believe you. But I do want to be inside you," Squall said huskily, gloved fingers finding the tab of her jumper and slowly sliding it down. Her breasts were so swollen already they practically popped free as he inched the zipper past them. She whimpered, biting at her lip. "And I want to kiss you… and I want to taste you…"

Then he suited action to at least some of his words, his lips finding the nearest breast with unerring accuracy. She gasped and arched closer to him, closing her arms desperately tight around his back as he suckled her. Oh, she'd lied. She hated that his coat was between her and his skin. She wanted to see that creamy pale flesh again. Wanted to rake her fingernails over it and raise welts on it to prove that she could. That he was hers to mark.

She clawed at his covered back, arching up desperately against him, moaning softly. His leather-clad thigh slid between her legs. Her jumper had somehow come completely unzipped and so she was bare to him, save for her panties and the straps still hanging around her shoulders.

He released her breast with a soft pop, lifting his head just enough to get a gloved finger in his teeth. He tugged the glove off impatiently, tossing it aside as soon as it was free. Then he cupped her breast in his bare hand, his breath hissing in at the contact, his eyes closing briefly. She moaned, watching him. There was wonder and desire and something else on his face… something strong… something needy…

"Oh, baby, so sweet… You're so sweet," she said, biting at her lower lip desperately. "Touch me. Please… touch me…"

His hand moved over her, lightly at first, then more firmly as his confidence grew. Every time it was as if they had to seduce him all over again. As if they had to show him it was okay. Someday he would feel free enough to just grab and take… someday… She shivered in anticipation, then in pure desire as he rolled a taut nipple between his fingers.

"Oh yes, like that…" she moaned. His hand released her nipple only to make way for his clever mouth again. Lips and tongue working to make her gasp and squirm under him. His hand slid down her ribs and across her stomach to find her panties and slip unerringly under them. He tugged at them impatiently. She rolled her hips to help him slide them down; rising up against him, lifting her knee over his. Her panties vanished and his hand cupped her heat. She pressed herself into his hand with a strangled cry, arching up into his touch.

His head lifted, silky-dark hair falling over his flushed face, eyes heavy-lidded as he leaned close. He seemed lost in a kind of sensual haze, mouth seeking hers blindly. She moaned into his mouth as his fingers slid through her slick heat. Driving her up. Gods… gods… yes… there… Her hips flexed rhythmically, inner muscles clenching as callused fingers moved over her with uncanny skill. Damn, how had he picked that up so quickly? He was good… But any other thoughts scattered as he rose up over her, moving his hand away to fumble urgently at his pants.

Mouths still moving on each other, tongues stroking and dancing, she heard the button go, then the zipper and then he was catching at her leg, lifting it even as he slid his legs between hers. So smoothly that she barely noticed the roughness of the belts that still hung around his hips. He lifted up to better position himself, breaking the contact with her mouth, dragging his lips away from hers reluctantly. She clawed at him in response, moaning deep in her throat as she wound one hand in the heavy pelt around his collar to keep him close. The other hand dropped down to clutch at his waist, finding sleek skin at the edge of his pants, beneath his shirt. She pushed the shirt aside greedily, stroking his back, pressing him forward.

"Yes, yes… inside me… hurry… oh, sweetie… yes…"

She was moving against him, writhing and aching and wanting so badly now. Practically out of her mind with need. He'd been gone and she'd been worried and then she'd watched Irvine go down on him and wanted them both so badly… He braced her for an instant, holding her still with a hand splayed over her hip. She opened closed eyes to plead, to protest and met his blazing gaze. He was watching her, eyes purest silver with heated desire. Her breath caught, her heart thundered in her chest and she felt a brief stab of panic. So intent, so focused, so….

"Squall…"

Then he pushed himself inside her. Filled her completely with one hard stroke. She cried out, arching wildly against him, so slick that it didn't hurt at all, was bliss in fact, but the suddenness of his entry was still a shock. He held himself still for an instant and his eyes squeezed closed and she knew he was trying to keep from coming on the spot. She held him close, gasping at the feel of him, trying to help him by not clamping down on him, but it was tough. Because he felt so good inside her.

He held still for what seemed forever, just trembling faintly above her, his sharp breaths hot against her shoulder. Concerned, she opened her mouth to ask him if he was okay, but the words vanished in a sharp gasp as he started to move.

There was no finesse. Just raw heat and liquid motion. She clutched at him almost desperately as he pounded into her. Filling her. Over and over again, one slick glide after another. Squall. Lean and panting in her arms. His face was buried against her neck, his hot breath scorching her skin. So delicious, so wonderful. Her hand made its way under his loosened pants again, felt the flex of muscle in his lower back, his butt as he pressed into her over and over again. Hot and hard and driving her insane, pleasure spiraling up.

"Squall… gods…"

"Come for me…" he groaned, mouth against her jaw, lean body working against her.

"Yes… oh, Squall… oh yes…" She hooked her thigh around his hip, feeling the bite of leather and metal into her skin only as another spike of pleasure. He shifted slightly above her, the angle of his thrusts changing and she shattered, falling over the edge into bliss, sobbing out his name as she dug her fingers into the curve of his upper thighs, holding him deep.

And with a groan that seemed to come from far within, he followed her.

On the sun-washed bridge, Irvine's thoughts wandered in pleasant daydreams about what his sunshine was doing with their Commander right then. He stifled the small twinge of envy over not being able to join in. But he'd had a turn with Squall already… even if he'd been the one doing and not getting… and there was always the night to come. Stifling a groan of anticipation, he silently vowed to make sure the three of them found a suitably private place to spend the night. And then he'd make sure to get his reward for being so heroically patient… doubled.

His pulse sped up in anticipation and a grin touched his lips. He was lost in fantasy again until Quistis shot him a dark look over her shoulder, jarring him back to awareness of where he was.

They were passing over the ocean now, the southern continent of Esthar falling away behind them. They had roughly another hour of flight left, maybe, if they'd figured the location of the Sealing Center correctly. Inside the Sorceress Memorial, ironically enough. Then, if the Esthar resisted Squall's request to release Rinoa, there'd likely be a fight.

Like now. He didn't care for that look Quistis was giving him.

"Just how long has this been going on?" she asked him sharply. Irvine casually pushed his hat up a fraction with his thumb, trying to stifle the spurt of panic her words had sent through him. His easy charm had abandoned him and guilt was probably showing on him somewhere. And it was all because he was still unsettled from the confusing and alarming memories Squall had dredged up earlier; he wasn't quite prepared yet to deal with a nosy Quistis.

"What are you talking about Quisty?" he answered with as much cool aplomb as he could muster. Beside him, Zell choked. Irvine wanted to elbow him into silence, but didn't dare. That kind of gesture Quistis couldn't help but interpret correctly.

"You and Selphie and… Squall. I'm not blind, Irvine. Nor am I completely stupid, though the rest of you seem to think so," she said bitterly, scowling out at the cloud-laced sky beyond the nose of the ship. Were those tears shimmering in her eyes? Damn it. No more dodges then, feelings were getting hurt here.

"Since just before he took his hike down the train bridge with Rinoa," Irvine admitted quietly. Zell gulped audibly but thankfully managed to keep his mouth shut. Quistis' chin lifted sharply but she didn't say anything for a long while. Irvine stayed silent, granting her some time to absorb the information. As she'd said, she certainly wasn't stupid. There was no sense making her feel any worse now, because while she might have dealt with her 'crush' on Squall in Trabia, she still had some kind of feelings for him, sisterly or otherwise. Besides, Irvine was tired of hiding things from her. It just didn't feel right.

"How long has Zell known?" Her tone was icy cold and Zell flinched beside him but somehow managed to keep from flapping his gums. Good boy, Zell, Irvine thought earnestly, pay attention to flying the ship. But that did leave him on his own to face Quistis' wrath.

He sighed softly, but tried to keep his voice matter-of-fact. "He kinda figured it out when we caught up to Squall on the Esthar coast and Selphie parked herself on his chest. You were off helping Matron with Rinoa then."

"Yes, I remember." She drew a sharp breath and then shot him a sharper glance. "So, is it… serious?" She reached out to fine-tune a sensor setting that didn't really need adjusting. And her question startled Irvine more than that she'd finally figured it out. Just what had she noticed going on between the three of them, anyway?

He kept it simple and honest. "Yes."

"For all of you?" The sleek blonde head turned and her blue gaze pinned him again. What? A few idle comments about loving the ladies and suddenly you weren't trustworthy at all when the Commander's heart was involved? He bit back a defensive reply, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. She was just concerned. He understood that. The whole thing was kind of unbelievable after all - but he knew how he felt.

"I can't quite speak for Squall, but Selphie and I are dead serious about him," Irvine said, watching her profile intently. Her face was a cool, professional mask - completely controlled. "But I can promise you we aren't playing games with his heart, Quistis."

She sighed, letting her lids fall to blunt that sharp glare a bit as her glance flickered back to him. At least she wasn't getting on a moral high-horse about them being perverts. Yet. But Quistis' opinion mattered - to him, Selphie and probably even Squall. That's why they'd tried to hide it from her in the first place. Now that it was finally out in the open, she seemed fine about it, but he knew Quistis. There would most likely be fallout. But at a time when it wouldn't affect missions. That was the way she worked. At least the air had been cleared. And perhaps being able to be open about it at least with their own people would help convince Squall it was okay too. It was a hope, anyway.

The silence stretched. Brittle and uncertain. "He almost smiled, earlier," she said, so softly that he thought he'd heard her wrong, particularly since she followed it with a brisk, "He's not easy to reach, you know."

"No," he said cautiously. "That he isn't."

Yet all it had taken was actually reaching out to the taciturn boy… and some outrageous daring. But if Selphie hadn't pushed him to take steps in that direction, where would Squall be now after Rinoa's betrayal? The boy's desperately whispered confession still echoed in his heart. During all that Squall had been afraid to lose them… But… smiling?

"It was so hard, up in space," she said, drawing his attention back from his musings, her voice low and husky with concern. "He didn't say what he'd seen in Rinoa's memories, but I could tell something was very very wrong. He just looked so… devastated. And Ellone… she cried all the way down."

Irvine cleared his throat of a suspicious tightness even as Quistis turned her face away, looking determinedly out the window. Damn. Had it really been that bad up there? But he'd seen Squall for himself after landing. It had.

"I'm glad he had something to hold on to during that discovery… otherwise," Quistis turned abruptly back and pinned him with another intense look. "Otherwise, I'm not sure he would have even tried to survive. Thank you."

Irvine blinked at her in surprise. It took him a moment to recover his poise, then he swept her as much of a bow as he could there between the seats, reaching out to catch her gloved hand in his. He brought it to his lips with a flourish and kissed her knuckles gallantly. Zell made a strangled noise beside him.

"I'm sorry, Quisty, for trying to keep you in the dark," he said, his steady gaze reinforcing his sincerity. "Events have been scootin' along so danged fast we haven't had much time to figure it all out for ourselves… and Squall's a closed-mouth bastard at the best of times… the hell, he'll probably kill me for this, but I'm just glad it's all out in the open now. Hated keepin' things from my teammates." He shrugged and grinned wickedly. "Oh well, if I get my hands on him first I can probably distract him from murder…"

Quistis paled a bit as the full realization sank in of just exactly what kind of relationship that meant he and Squall had; her hand went stiff in his hold. Suspecting and knowing were two entirely different things, after all. He kept his smile in place and held her gaze firmly. For a fleeting moment he thought she might lose it - there was an edge of hysteria there - but she gathered herself, shook her head and laughed ruefully. It was almost as if she was laughing at herself. She squeezed his hand once before pulling hers away, a calmer look in her eyes.

"You know, Irvine, there is such a thing as too much information about your personal life…" Relief swept through him. She really was a class act, Quistis.

"Well, a gentleman never brags, but…" he grinned at her, unrepentant. She just shook her head again in amused exasperation.

Zell elbowed him in the side and made silly gagging noises at him. Apparently feeling brave enough to contribute now that it was obvious that Quistis wasn't going to Ultra Wave him into next week.

"Oh, man! Spare the rest of us single types, wouldja?" Zell said with a long-suffering sigh. "As if you weren't smug enough when you first started up with Selphie… now you've bagged Squall too… brown-noser!"

"Zell!" Quistis said, shooting him a repressive glare.

"Hey! We're all ranked SeeD here… we can handle this grown-up shit," Zell said, meeting her look with a wide-eyed and falsely innocent one of his own, before grinning up at Irvine as well. He even gave him an expansive wink. There was definite relief and a measure of commiseration in the martial artist's expression too. He hadn't liked the subterfuge either.

"That's no excuse for being needlessly vulgar," Quistis said primly, but there was a wicked gleam in her eyes. Irvine smiled. Zell snorted.

"I guess that means I can't ask what's taking Selphie and Squall so long to dig us up some food then, huh? I'm starving!"

"Zell!" Irvine and Quistis said in unison, rolling their eyes at each other in amused exasperation. And for the first time in a long while, all three of them burst into laughter.

It felt good, Irvine thought.

- - to be continued - -