Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ My Happy Ending ❯ Because of You ( Chapter 24 )

Chapter 24: Because of You

“Because of you

I try my hardest just to forget everything

Because of you

I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you

I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty

Because of you

I am afraid.”

-Kelly Clarkson “Because of You”

Later that evening Raye was alone in the kitchen putting leftovers in Tupperware containers. She put the items in the refrigerator and turned to do the dishes. Brad normally helped her, but after overhearing the conversation between Shera and Cid, he'd gone off to console her. As she let the warm water run into the sink, she traced her finger through the building suds of the dish detergent allowing her mind to recall the day's events.

“Some Christmas this turned out to be…” she thought before shutting off the water.

As the time passed, as well as several plates later, Cid wandered into the kitchen to fetch a cup of tea. He'd enjoyed his stay at the Shields' house, but after everything that happened today, he was more than ready to go home. Unfortunately, Raye was his ticket back to Rocket Town, and really, he was surprised she didn't kick him out that very night.

The pilot reached up to open the cabinet for a mug, but he paused for a moment to look at Raye. From what he could tell, she was either lost in her own thoughts or she probably didn't want to speak with him. Still, he had to say something.

“You need help with those?”

“No, I've got it. Thanks.”

The lack of emotion in Raye's voice made Cid a little unnerved.

He turned back to the cabinet and took down a mug. He looked again at Raye. “You mind?”

“No.”

Cid shrugged and placed a teabag in the cup and a kettle full of water on the stove. He sat at the small table as Raye finished the last of the dishes, dried them, and put them away. The kettle soon began to whistle, and she poured the water into Cid's cup and handed it to him. Then, much to Cid's surprise, Raye made a cup of tea and sat down at the table.

The redhead had no idea that Shera and Cid knew one another. Both brother and sister were completely surprised by the fact that the `Captain' and Cid were one in the same. She should have added everything together when she first met Shera and started going to Rocket Town. Raye remembered the room she slept in and seeing the sewing chest. How could she be such an idiot? At least everything made more sense now.

Cid looked into his cup of hot cup of tea. The steam from the liquid rose and cooled on his face. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, and Cid really wasn't sure what to say, or if he should say anything at all.

“You know I really wanted to kick your ass for hurting Shera,” Raye finally broke, “but I figured I should let her be the one to handle you.”

Cid snorted. “What the hell do you care? It ain't yer affair.”

“It is if it's in my house!” Raye snapped. She sighed. “What a fucking holiday this turned out to be…”

“Tell me about it…” Cid mumbled. He looked up. “I'm…sorry for all the drama. If I woulda known that Shera was going to show up, I'da never come.”

Raye sighed again. “Well, what were the odds?” She paused for a long moment. “So what's your side of the story?”

Cid leaned back in the wooden chair thoughtfully. There really wasn't much to tell since his side and Shera's side were all in the same.

“Well…” Cid began. “When we did the rocket launch, I was on Shera's ass to get out of the engine room with the oxygen tanks. She was checking the Number 8 one, but she was going damned slow about it. I didn't want to wait for another six months to launch, and everyone was makin' a huge to-do about it. There was an air show, a band, speeches - you know the whole kit `n caboodle. When it came time to launch, she was still in there. Everyone was screaming at me to forget about her and just launch…I hit the emergency shut down to save her. I…I didn't want to be a murderer…She said…she said she didn't mind dying for the launch to happen…”

Raye looked at Cid who was now hanging his head. “So. You saved her life despite the fact that you sacrificed a lifelong dream, which actually happened five years later…”

“…and then I blamed her for everything,” Cid finished. “I knew where that was going before you even said it. Yeah…yeah, I did blame her. I was just so fuckin'…angry.”

“I've had my own dreams die due to certain circumstances, but I never once took it out on the people I cared about,” Raye told him. “I see this in two ways: first, she was doing her job. She was doing what I am almost sure you asked her to do in the first place. She wanted to be sure that everything was perfect so that you wouldn't be in danger and so that the mission wouldn't be in danger. Second, I have reason to believe that she wanted to sacrifice her life because…well…because she loved you. I always thought that when you love someone, that person's dreams become your dreams, too.”

The last sentence caught Cid's attention. “Guess I never really thought about that…”

“Her feelings toward you explain why she took the blame that you so easily placed on her. It's why she took your abuse for so long. She loved you, and, deep down, I think you knew it. That love, as one-sided as it was, gave her hope.” She sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time. “Shera has the patience of a saint. God knows I couldn't take it as long as she did.”

“Wait…wait…” Cid stammered. “I didn't abuse her. I never laid a hand on her. Besides…I…I did care about her, and…I…still do.”

Raye looked at Cid with deep concern, yet slightly pained by his confession. “If…if you cared so much about her, then why did you take advantage of her?”

The pilot started to open his mouth to protest, but he knew it wasn't any use. The girl had a point, and as much as he hated to admit, he did take advantage of Shera because he wanted a scapegoat. How could he have known ShinRa was going to shut down the space project? The pilot finally realized what it had been to make him blame Shera all this time. He was bitter after they shut down the space program. He had been forced to choose between doing the right thing and his dream, and when he chose to do the right thing, it got him nothing. And that bitterness was what made him target Shera. Still, Cid knew he had no right to hurt her as much as he did all those years.

Cid's blue eyes dropped back down to his cup. “I…I…er, I didn't mean to let things go so far. I may have…said things, but…at least…I at least deserve a break for not touching her...”

“You don't have to hit someone to hurt them, Cid,” Raye said her voice dropping unusually low. Her eyes suddenly lost their shine. “I take personal offense to these things because…well…I've been through it, but in my case, it was every bit as verbal and emotional as it was physical.

Raye was tired, sore and hungry when she reached her apartment. She had just worked a 14-hour day at the shop, and there was still work to be done. The redhead had taken home her toolbox of heavy wrenches and a car part to work on later, and as she closed the door behind her, she placed these items on the floor.

A man, roughly the same age as Raye who was then 24 looked up from his armchair at Raye. Her boyfriend was rather tall with dark hair and dark eyes, and he was slightly built, much like Cid.

“What took you so long?” he asked.

“I was working and then I had to deliver some parts,” she replied tiredly.

“Oh. So what are you doing for our dinner tonight?”

Raye frowned. “Alan, I just worked a 14 hour day. I'm too tired to cook. Why don't you do it for once?”

Alan stood up. “Hey, don't get a fucking attitude with me.”

“What?!” Raye exclaimed. “Where the fuck did that come from? I wasn't getting `attitude' with you. Besides, don't you think it's a little fucking rude to ask me what's for dinner when I just got home after putting in such a long day? Fuck…”

“I didn't ask you what was for dinner.”

“Not directly,” Raye said exasperated. “You know what? I don't feel like fucking arguing tonight. I'm taking a shower and going to bed.” She started up the stiars.

“What about dinner?”

“What about it, Alan?! I told you, why don't you cook it for once? It's not that hard…”

She took a few steps up the stairs when she was suddenly jerked back down so hard that she stumbled over the bottom stair.

“Well, maybe I don't want to fucking cook. That's your job.”

Raye glared up at him. “That's my job? MY job? Excuse me, but here's a reality check for ya. Nothing is either mine or your job - it's both our jobs. You have to give and take, Alan. I go to work every morning, cook, clean, do our laundry, and what do you do? You go to work, but you never fucking help me with anything.”

The next thing Raye knew she was jerked to her feet, and she felt a sting across her face. She touched her burning cheek and realized she had been slapped. Nonetheless, Raye did not react, but she instead stood where she was.

“You forget you're living in my apartment and I'm paying the bills.”

“So am I! And how dare you fucking slap me.”

“Sorry…”

“Sorry my ass…you know what, let's forget about that and just order take-out.”

“We need to save our money. Besides, I haven't had a home cooked meal in days.”

“I've been busy, Alan!

“Just get in there and fix something to eat! That's all I'm asking!”

“More like demanding!”

He grabbed her by the arm and shoved her hard into the kitchen. Raye was shaking, but for the sake of not wanting to argue or for things to escalate, she finally caved. She didn't want any more confrontation for the night.

The girl went into the kitchen and began to pull out a few pans. She didn't have anything thawed out because she knew she would be home late. She hurriedly began to fix the supper as he sat at the table and read the paper. Alan had hit her and pushed her before, but he never meant it.

He looked up at her. “Are you done, yet, woman? I am fucking starving!”

“I can't cook it any faster without burning it,” Raye protested.

“Well son of a bitch,” he said.

“Well, maybe if you'd learn to do it yourself…” Raye muttered.

He glared at her ominously. “What was that? I don't NEED to learn to do it myself because that's what I have YOU for!”

Raye stirred the food she was cooking - she couldn't remember what exactly it was. Her cheek still stung from the slap to her face. That was not the only incident she had been hit, but sadly, it was probably one of the better ones. Normally, she received a fist instead of an open palm strike, causing her to have to create an alibi to explain the bruises on her face and other parts of her body. Raye figured that Brad suspected what was going on, but he hadn't come out and said anything.

When did things get like this, and how? She remembered when he used to be so caring and charming toward her. They would often have fun out on a date or just cuddling up. She knew he had a quick and explosive temper, but until recently, he never acted out toward her. They weren't married or anything, but it seemed that once Raye moved in with him, he began to show his true colors.

Still, this wasn't right. Raye knew this wasn't healthy for her, but for some reason, she stayed. The redhead lived on the false hope that he would change. He still bought flowers for her or some other gift, but it was more to make up for a night of arguing and for hitting her.

She could hear his impatient sigh. “Is it fucking done yet?”

This wasn't right, and she knew it deep down in her heart. Was this what love was supposed to be like? Full of bruises, snide remarks, constant bickering, and making up alibis to whitewash it all? If this was love, then Raye wanted no part of it. In an angry outburst, she took the hot pan and threw it across the room letting the contents splatter on the wall and slide down.

“IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO BETTER THEN GO AHEAD! I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE, AND I REFUSE TO CONTINUE THIS!”

Raye started to walk out, but he blocked her. “You clean that up!”

“NO! I'm done! I said I was tired, and I am leaving so I can get some peace!” She pushed him aside and started toward the door, but was harshly pulled back. He had grabbed her wrist and held it fast.

“Clean it up,” he ominously said.

Raye struggled against his grasp, but he held firm. “You clean it up!”

He rose up his fist and hit Raye in the face a few times. He then flung her by the wrist, twisting it in the process, and she slammed hard into the wall face first. She felt the coppery taste of blood fill her mouth, and without hesitation and no time to fear, Raye ran toward the door, but he was faster than she anticipated. He tackled her, knocking over the table in the hall sending a vase flying onto the carpet. Raye rolled around with him on the floor until she somehow managed to work her way on top and hold him down. In a rage of both anger and self-defense, she began to pummel him with her fists and scream at him. This was the last time he was ever going to hit her, and Raye would make damn certain that he would not soon attack her again.

As Raye beat on him, he began to reach around for something, anything, to immobilize her with. His hand came across the vase, and picking it up, he smashed it hard against the redhead's skull. Raye fell over holding her head, yelping in pain, literally seeing stars. The girl felt faint, and she tried to get up and go for the door, but he pushed her down, and she felt a hard kick in her side followed by several more. Her head was spinning from the blow he delivered her, and she crawled around helplessly on the floor looking for a way to escape.

The boyfriend noticed her toolbox and walked over to it. Opening it up, he grabbed the largest crescent wrench he could find and walked back over to the helpless girl on the floor. Grabbing her by the hair, he lowered his face to hers.

“You are too stubborn for your own good…”

He threw her down, and Raye turned dazedly to see him raise the wrench above his head. Raye screamed, and as he came down on her, she saw a flash that knocked him down just before he delivered the blow.

“GET THE FUCK OFF MY SISTER!”

Raye looked over to find Brad tackling the boyfriend and began beating him. Brad was normally the laid back one, but he was filled with fire. Brad's eyes were wild and untamed, and he yelled and screamed at Raye's boyfriend as much as he beat him. Alan, of course, defended himself, and the two scuffled about ramming one another into furniture and into the walls knocking pictures down. Brad finally took a frame and bashed Alan upside the head, glass side first, and the man went down like a sack of potatoes. He rolled around on the floor holding his head.

Brad came to his sister's side and held her up. She noticed that his arm was cut badly, shards of glass glimmering in the abrasions, and he was bleeding profusely from the wounds. She looked up to the front door and discovered that he had broken the glass with his fist to unlock it so he could get to her.

“Brad…” Raye faintly said. “You're…you're bleeding…”

“Hey. Don't worry about me…” he replied softly.

Apparently, the neighbors heard the commotion and called the authorities who were now entering and investigating the scene. They took the boyfriend into custody, asked Brad a few questions, and tried to question Raye, but she was so dazed that she couldn't answer.

“Oh, my god, you are a mess,” Brad said.

Raye was suddenly aware of something dripping down her face. She reached up and touched her head to find that what she was feeling was blood - her blood, and there was a lot of it.

Brad helped her stand up and carefully walked her out the door.

“Looks like you're going to the hospital tonight, Sis.”

He loaded her into the truck and drove her to the emergency room where they were greeted by the gasps of the nurses and doctors. Raye's nose was bleeding and so was a deep gash in her head that the vase had made when it broke on her skull. Her sides hurt to be touched, and a black eye was forming from one of the punches to her face. To make matters worse, she couldn't move her wrist - the same wrist he had held onto and flung her with.

“What happened?” a doctor asked.

“Her boyfriend beat her up tonight,” Brad explained angrily.

The doctor examined Raye's head. “You're gonna need stitches for this cut, and from the dilation of your eyes, I'd say you had a slight concussion.”

Soon Rick rushed in. “Raye?” he looked at his disheveled daughter. “Oh, my fucking God…”

Soon a police officer came into the room and began to ask if Raye wanted to press charges. She was coming back around now, so she was able to talk a little more coherently.

“Hell yeah,” she said.

The officer got her statement and left leaving Raye, Rick, and Brad alone.

“How long has this been going on, Raye?” Rick asked.

Raye shrugged. “Since we moved in, I guess.”

“That was over 8 months ago! Why didn't you tell us?” Brad asked.

“I…I don't know, but I do know one thing: I will never let this happen to me again!”

Raye began to sob, and right then and there she vowed she would no longer take a chance at getting hurt. After her physical wounds healed, she began to take kickboxing and self-defense classes. Raye moved back home where she could be close to her family in a secure environment and she got a restraining order against her now ex boyfriend who wound up going to jail for what he did.

Even though the physical wounds healed, the emotional ones would always be there, and the scar on her head was her reminder of those emotional scars and the reason why she couldn't bring herself to trust anyone. She trusted and loved, only to be hurt, and that wouldn't happen again.

Raye constructed a wall around herself since then, an impenetrable fortress where she would let no one in, and she wouldn't allow herself to come out. Sure, she went on a few dates and hung out with some friends, but her life remained empty. There were still times when she was alone in her room, the walls would come down, and she would cry. All she wanted was just to forget everything.

Deep inside, she was still human. She so desperately wanted someone to love her, for someone to accept her just the way she was, imperfect as she was. She didn't want to build walls and keep people away, but she did it out of necessity. The events had left her scarred and angry, and that anger robbed her of any ability to trust, especially those of the opposite gender.

Raye looked into her almost empty cup. The remainder of the liquid was now cold, but she finished it off silently and stood up. Cid, on the other hand, was completely unprepared for what she told him. He now began to understand why Raye had such an aggressive nature: she was angry.

She was angry with the man in her past for what he did to her, not just the physical aspect, but also the emotional repercussions he left on her. Raye relied on her anger to protect her, and it showed when she fought and in other aspects of her life. She purposely was a bitch because it kept people away, people who had the potential to hurt her. So, if Raye was angry even after so long, was Shera angry, too?

Cid felt a hand on his shoulder. He followed the hand that turned into an arm and finally settled upon Raye's face. Her countenance was rigid, and she fixed her eyes, which were now drained of any emotion, very forward, never wavering to look at him.

“I know you apologized to her, Cid,” she said quietly. “And I know you meant it. That's more than I ever got, but whether Shera chooses to forgive you is up to her.”

Raye disappeared out the kitchen door and went straight to her room. Cid finished off his tea at the table and thought for a while. Raye was suppressing her emotion from all that and had been for years. The emotionless visage Raye held when she left the kitchen bothered the pilot, and he was afraid that she was not okay.

Cid stood up to go and check on her. Leaving the kitchen, he climbed the steps to the second floor and walked down the hall to Raye's closed door at the end. Cid raised his hand to knock, but paused for a moment. Was that a sniffle he heard? He quietly pressed his ear to the door, and could hear the girl's muffled sobs from inside.

Cid's hand fell to his side as a revelation hit him like an oncoming locomotive. He was an asshole. Cid really and truly was an asshole, a jerk. He'd realized it before during he and Shera's earlier conversation, but Raye's story is what made it really sink in. He was no better than that Alan guy she talked about even if he didn't hit Shera.

He turned and walked away from the door, deciding that Raye probably wanted to be alone. So, this was how Shera was able to handle him for so long. She held in her emotions in through the day, and when she went to sleep at night she fell apart, just as Raye was doing now. His assistant really had been miserable, but he was so blinded by his anger that he wasn't able to see it. His rocket became his obsession, and after he returned from the Northern Crater, the Tiny Bronco took the rocket's place, and he was still unable to see how unhappy she was. He made her live on false hope and broken dreams - her broken dreams - just so she could keep him happy. He took her for granted indeed, and when she was no longer able to take it, she left and he realized how important she was to him. Now that realization was even stronger than before. When she left, he lived on the false hope that she would come back to him. The situation became ironic to him, and he had to almost laugh at his stupidity.

Cid had to get out for a while. He went out the front door, zipped up his jacket in the cold winter air, and started down the street. The pilot knew that there was a park in the neighborhood, so he decided to take a short walk there to think. Taking out a cigarette, he lit it and began to puff away as he walked.

Raye did have a valid point when she said it was up to Shera to forgive him. He hoped she would, but after everything he put her through, he really didn't see any hope for it. When he returned from his adventure with Avalanche, he never talked that much about everything with her then. He honestly tried to treat her better, but he found himself reverting into old habits, and as everyone knows, old habits are hard to kick. This time, it had to be different. They had to get things out on the table or nothing would ever be done.

Cid approached the park and looked around. There were swings, slides, and monkey bars everywhere, all covered in snow. A couple of basketball goals rose from the deep white snow, but the court itself were covered until spring. Cid walked toward the swings to have a seat, but he noticed that he wasn't alone. As the pilot approached, he found it was Brad in one of the seats, idly rocking and deep in thought.

Cid cleared his throat causing Brad to look up.

“What do you want?” Brad asked him with a slight edge in his voice. He was obviously still miffed at Cid.

“Same thing you want - to think,” Cid replied. He looked around for Shera. “Where's Shera?”

“What do you care?”

Cid nodded. “Alright, I may have deserved that, but…uh…is she gonna be okay?”

“I hope so,” Brad said. “She was really upset, but I got her calmed down.”

“She, ah, gonna stay?”

“Yeah, she said she would.”

Brad looked at Cid. “A talk? You mean she actually didn't beat your ass?”

Cid nodded. “Yeah…we did. I, uh, didn't know your sister had been through so much. She…she really gave me a lot of perspective…”

Brad looked at Cid questioningly. “What…exactly did she tell you?”

“Well…she told me about her past…situation…”

Brad knew immediately what Cid was referring to, and he raised his eyebrows. “Wow.”

“What?”

“I'm surprised she told you that.”

“Eh?”

“That's something really personal that she doesn't share with hardly anyone. It's…it's something she isn't really proud of telling, and it upsets her a lot.”

Cid finished his cigarette, took out another, and lit it. “I know. She ran off to her room, and when I went to check on her, she was…”

“…crying?” Brad finished. “Yeah, even after all this time, she still gets upset about it. That whole thing changed her. She never used to be so aggressive.”

“She's angry,” Cid said.

“Well, wouldn't you be, too, if you had to live with that baggage for the rest of your life?”

Cid sighed. “Which is why her story gave me a lot of perspective. I…I know how Shera must have felt.”

“She said you apologized to her. I hope you meant it.”

“I did.”

“You two have some issues you need to work out so you both can move on. Neither of you will ever be able to do that if you can't be here now.”

“Be here now?”

“Yes, be here now. Settle everything in your past already! It's obvious there are a lot of things that was left unsaid. As long as you let things that happened in the past hold you back, you'll never be able to move forward in the future.”

Cid looked thoughtful. “You're quite the philosopher, ya know that? Believe me, I plan to take care of this. I dun want to put her through anything else. I fucked her up enough as it is, and I…I want to fix it.”

“You may not be able to fix it all in one day, though,” Brad pointed. “I have a feeling this will take some time - if she even wants to forgive you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Brad and Cid sat in silence together. The younger man got angry with Cid as soon as he figured out that he was Shera's `Captain.' Cid was impressed by the boy's tenacity and his desire to protect Shera in any way he could. The pilot believed that Brad would have honestly taken a beating if it were for her sake. He noticed the way he would look at her - there was no question he loved her, and Cid knew Brad could do far better for Shera than he ever could.

Shera, on the other hand, was harder to read. She seemed to have feelings for Brad, strong at that, but he sensed that she was having a hard time admitting to herself how she felt about him. She restrained herself, and it was possibly because of Cid's presence there. Maybe she needed to hear that she really was free.

Cid shivered and stood up. The temperature was rapidly dropping, and he wanted to get back where it was warm.

“Leaving?” Brad asked.

“Yeah, it's fucking cold out here.”

Brad stood up. “I'll join you. I'm pretty chilled, too.”

The two men walked back mostly in silence. Cid decided he was going to give Shera her space and let her come to him. This had gone on long enough, and he hoped that he could repair at least some of the damage he'd done. He hoped will all of his heart that Shera would find it somewhere in her heart to forgive him so he could at least part on better terms with her. Then maybe they could move on…