Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Project: Dark Seed ❯ Zell´s POV ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: I own Rico and Modo. ^_^ .... and also captain Jack. -_-" Ok,.... that's not so great.

-_-"" Once more I don't own FF 8 *is only afraid of the hammer.* O_O"

Author's note: Ok, this is a fanfic. for everyone, who was so patient with my stories. I can't always update, even if I want to. I have also a life to live and manage. And it's really tiring! So, enough from me. Here is the next secret. From where has Zell his tattoo? Is he really stupid or is it maybe innocence? Or maybe it's all a big act? Who knows? Well, ....I do and I'm going to tell you. ^_~

Warning: Maybe a bit shonen ai in the last chapter.

Zell's POV

It's really hard being a Dark Seed, because ....there are always two sides to every story. You have to pay a price for the strength, the knowledge, the talent and the skills with weapons and magic. The price ....is absolute secrecy. You can't explain it to your friends not even to your family. You have to hide most of your talents, so the people around you won't get suspicious.

I would go insane, if I was the only Dark Seed. I'm glad that I can act normal around Rico and Modo. I always have to play the dumb and clumsy Zell around anybody else. So the only time I can show my skills is in a battle. I always asked myself why we had to keep this a secret. Soon, I realized why. The name *Dark Seed*, isn't just an idea for a cool name of a project. We operate at night, most of the time. We can hide in the shadows of a wall or in the woods without making a sound. The two main reasons (but there are many more) means that if we want to keep the people we care for safe, we had to leave them in the dark. It's better for them to know nothing at all, than to know something and get into trouble with us or even danger because of it.

People say I couldn't keep a secret for dear life.

Are you sure?

Don't you think my whole behavior could be a big act?

You should consider the possibility!

For me it's easier to play stupid than to have people around me who stick their noses into my life, because I can do so many things. It's enough for me to act normal around my bro's and on missions.

We have more than one thing in common, Everyone has a secret he hides from other people.

Rico's blindness.

Modo's unbelievable strength.

And me???

I hide many things. And if I can't hide them, ....I have to lie. I must be the biggest liar on this planet, since not even my bros lies as much like I do. I've lied to my friends and to my own mother. I told her I was a good boy in those five years when I was away from home. I told her that I behaved myself and I even told her that we didn't do anything dangerous when we trained.

Lies!

Nothing more and nothing less. And if I didn't know for sure that I'd protect her with my lies, I would've crawled into the next hole and died there out of shame.

She would've gotten a heart-attack already, if I'd told her what I've been through.

Especially the accident which caused a serious trauma in my soul. I don't remember much, because the explosion also caused a heavy concussion. I forgot many things, not only memories out of my childhood. Also some things which I've done every day. I remembered much but to my shame, not everything.

The blow must've hit me very hard. The doctors in the hospital had to put me into an artificial coma. When I woke up, three months were already over. My face felt strange. As if the skin was too tight for my skull. Like somebody would stretch it nonstop. A Doctor came in and told me the truth. My face was burned. Mostly my left side and they couldn't fix it. They could make a cosmetic operation, but he told me my face would probably end up in being worse than before. It couldn't be, could it.

My face? Disfigured? Forever?

Before the doctor left my room, he told me I should try to train my muscles. I had lay three months in bed and I should start walking again. And that captain Jack trained one of my friends. He would come for me in one and a half month. He ordered that I had that I had to make the physiotherapy as long as he was away.

The doctor left a small mirror on the nightstand, then he went out of the room. Many minutes went by. Of course, I was curious and wanted to see the damage that the accident had left on my face. But I couldn't, I was too afraid. The minutes turned into hours, and somehow, my curiosity got the better of me. I took the mirror in my hand and put it into my lap, at first with the back to me. Then I slowly flipped it over and looked down into my own reflection.

And I regretted my curiosity immediately.

The right side of my face was unharmed, but my left side was totally burned. Scars trailed along my cheek and my temple, like visible veins through my skin. I couldn't go around meeting people like that. They would avoid me, scared and disgusted by my face. I wouldn't really blame them. I was shocked and disgusted myself. What bothered me the most was, what my mother would say when she saw this. Would she pity me? Be angry with me? Maybe hate me? No. I couldn't believe that she'd hate me but surely pity me.

I can't take this!

I can't face other people or my mother like this. I can't go home. I'm not the same Zell anymore. The accident changed my life for the worse. I was just a disfigured creature now. Not worth anyone's gaze on me. I couldn't be a Dark Seed, not like that.

I realized that I had lost my self-respect and my confidence in me, but I couldn't care less. The only thing I knew, I had to following the captain's order.

So on the next day I started the therapy and I learned how to walk again. The six weeks, when the captain was away, went by very quickly. I still had no hope and I couldn't bear to look in the mirror. The psychologists informed him about my mental state and I know for sure, he wasn't pleased with the report. When he came back, I only had one question for him. Where Rico and Modo where! He assured me they were just fine in Galbadia Garden and that I would have been able to join them by now, if it wasn't for my low self-esteem. So we had to do something about that. I knew it would be suicide but I kept ranting about how I never could go back to my old normal self. That was when the captain finally lost his patience.

"THAT'S IT, NITWIT!!! I'M TAKING YOU TO A PLACE, WHERE YOU NEED YOU SELF-CONFIDENCE MORE THAN AIR OR FOOD. WHERE YOU CAN TRUST ONLY YOURSELF AND NOBODY ELSE, IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE!!! I'LL TAKE YOU TO MY *INSTRUCTOR*." He smirked.

I was startled and afraid and I would of cried then, if I hadn't been frozen in the place, thinking about what place he meant. The captain wasn't very tall with his 4.8 feet, but still taller than me at that time. He was intimidating then and he still is. So I closed my mouth and followed him in silence. If I'd provoked him some more he would have strangled me for sure.

We took a car and drove off to some place he called *the Dark Sanctuary*. I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew was that we stopped and the captain got out of the car. We were in a town, but it didn't look familiar to me. I looked at the dilapidated houses and the dirty streets. Must be some kind of ghetto here. But why should I live in a ghetto and what did the captain have to do with it?

The captain went inside one house but gave me a signal to wait outside. I was all alone now and the all too familiar feeling of fear crept down my spine. Suddenly there was a sound in the background. I spun around to see two kids older than me on a floating T-board. One was very tall with black pants, white and red sweatshirt, white sneakers and long, red dreadlocks. The other had long, brown, messy hair, a white T-shirt, a blue Jeans Jacket, dark blue jeans and red sneakers.

I stared in awe, because it was always my dream to learn how to ride a T-board. The two spotted me and I felt terrified all of sudden. What would they say if the saw me? Unfortunately, there was no place to hide and I couldn't run away before they'd seen me. I turned my back on them, hoping they'd go away.

No such luck.

"Hey kid, what are you doing here? This isn't a playground for babies, you know?" The one with the blue jeans jacket told me.

"Hey TJ. C'mon leave him alone."

But he didn't listen to his red haired friend. Instead he jumped down from his board and tried to turn me around.

"Yo, are you deaf? I'm talki....." That was the moment when he spun me around and saw my ugly face.

"OH MY GOD!!!" Yeah, ....thought that too, the first time I've looked in the mirror.

The other boy was polite enough to say nothing at all. But this guy ....TK or what his name was, got quite annoying. He grinned stupidly and tried to make fun of me.

"Hey man, what's a mean scar-face like you doing in our pretty, little town, huh?"

I didn't bother to answer him for awhile, but even my patience doesn't last forever.

"Oh is the little scar-face to scared to say a word. Awwww such a chickenwuss."

Stupid or not, THAT DID IT. I didn't want to put up with his shit any longer. My temper, which I never realized I possessed (Maybe because I've never needed it.), took over. He was slightly taller than me, but the fact didn't stop me from sending him flying into the next corner of the streets with a good aimed kick. The other boy, which I didn't happen to hear the name, could only stare at his friend. Suddenly there was a clapping in the background. We turned around to see the captain and another man in the doorway of the old building. They'd both applaud for something. The captain was the first to speak.

"It was about time. I thought you would put up with him some more, only showing me, that you've lost your backbone completely. But after what I've saw, I'd say there is still hope for you."

The other man turned his gaze to the captain now. This man was really ....fat. He had short, thin, gray hair and he was dressed in an old blue shirt and worn-out brown pants.

"So, ...that's your problem??? Well I don't see the problem in here, but I'll help you, though."

"Thanks Faarooq. I come back in one month and then I want to see results. Ok?"

"Count on me."

The captain came my way and stopped by me.

"Listen Zell. My friend there, will look for you now. Follow his advises, ....as crazy as they might sound, he has his reasons."

That didn't sound reassuring for me, but I nodded anyways. The captain gave me a pat on my back and I walked to this guy, called *Faarooq*. The captain left and Faarooq looked at me with amusement in his eyes.

"You're really strong. I've never seen TJ fly so far." Faarooq chuckled at that.

I didn't think he had so much humor. My thoughts where interrupted when the red-haired boy asked him something.

"Hey chief, who's the little one?"

"That's Zell a student of my old friend Jack. He'll stay in the Dark Sanctuary for awhile. Get TJ up while I show him around."

"Why showing him around??? There isn't much to see in the Timber Ghettos." He joked.

So, I was in Timber. Well more likely in the unpleasant parts of it. Faarooq led me inside the building and led me through several rooms. At the end of the tour we came to a small room with a bed and a desk.

"And that's your room. Leave your bag here, nobody will steal anything."

I do as he said and left the room again, to follow him to another one. This room looked more like a throne room, with much space and a strange looking chair in the middle. And many other, smaller chairs around it. He went to the chair in the middle and sat down. Obviously the chair for the big boss. I stood where I was, not daring to move.

"Have a seat, Zell." He said politely.

I took the nearest seat in front of him and sat down.

"Ok, let's play the question and answer game. You know the rules?"

I nodded. Who didn't know this game? The rules were so simple. He asked me a question and I answer honestly and then it was my turn and he had to be honest as well. It was his turn with the first question. Of course he asked me why I've lost my trust in myself. I answered him truthfully, had no need to hide it. Everyone should know that I wasn't worthy of anything. I was ugly, my face disfigured and nobody could look at me without being disgusted. Must've sound childish. Faarooq shook his head and had a serious expression on his face.

"Zell? Do I look disgusted? Do you think I would talk to you if you weren't worth my attention?"

I looked at him with wide eyes. He was right! He was the one, who the other boy called chief. But there was something that disturbed me.

"You've asked three questions, now it's my turn to ask you three as well, ....if you don't mind of course."

"Go ahead. I'll answer as good as I can."

"First, where are we here?"

He gave me a short laugh.

"Don't you know that already? We here in the Dark Sanctuary."

"No I mean, are we really in Timber?"

"Yes, we are. The less pleasant parts of Timber, of course. Not every Tourist gets to see them."

I smiled, for the first time in weeks.

"Second, why did the boy called you *chief*? Or are you not?"

"Yeah I am the chief here. I'm the leader of the *Timber Road Doggs*. And we're a street gang.

"A street gang?! Like real criminals?"

"Not really, we live off the things we've stolen from wealthy people. And that, ....was your third question."

"That doesn't count. It was only to reassure me."

"Ok, ok. I make an exception."

"Thanks. My third question is, ...How does capt'n Jack fit in here?"

"Oh, that's a long story and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to tell you this. ....Naaah he won't rip my head off ...I hope." He sweatdropped.

"Well, Jack is my best friend, although I'm six years older then he is. We didn't have a home, or parents so we both lived on the streets like most kids at that time. We had to be pickpockets to survive in this town. But on your own; you're not too successful. So we gathered many children together and we established our own gang. After many fights and arguments they made me the leader and Jack was my right hand. We lived many years like that and one day, Jack came to me and said; he wanted to do something with his life. So he left. After eleven or twelve years, when I thought he was already dead or he had forgotten me, he showed up. I didn't recognize him at first. He was still the shorty I knew, but how are you supposed to recognize someone in a soldier uniform? Who would've thought? Jack Willis, the best pickpocket and burglar I ever met, is now a honest soldier. And the best is, I showed him every criminal thing he knew. I was his best friend but also his mentor."

Something came into my mind. That was what captain Jack meant with *his instructor*. Faarooq was his mentor in the past and now he should be mine as well? That didn't quite make sense, but I felt better than before and, as strange as it was, I felt welcome here as well.

After one hour of that game, everything was cleared out. I was suppose to learn how to use my natural speed, which didn't only mean running. But with my hands too. I would become a pickpocket. Though, I felt bad about that already. But Faarooq gave me his word that it was only a training. I wasn't supposed to go outside and steal something from others.

When we got up, someone knocked on the door.

"Come in!"

The boy, with the red dreadlocks, came in and gave some kind of greeting. He laid his right fist over heart and bowed shortly.

"Chief, group C is back. You want to see them now?"

"Hmmm. That's inconvenient at the moment. Except, ....Knux?"

"Yes, Chief?"

"Would you take care of Zell, while I'll look for the group?"

"No prob', chief."

"Thanks."

And with that, Faarooq went out of his room, leaving me and this boy, *Knux* alone. I felt uncomfortable. What if he was like his friend this, ...how was his name again, TK??? I looked to the floor, not daring to gaze into his eyes. I was surprised when he acted more on friendly terms.

"Hi, I'm Knuxter." He held his hand out to me.

I looked up at him and I couldn't see anything hateful in his eyes. Not even anything mean. He was friendly and polite like the first impression made. I shook his hand, tried to hide my astonishment behind a smile.

"Hi, I'm Zell, ...Zell Dincht."

"Call me Knux or Red. Whatever you prefer."

It wasn't hard to notice why he'd chosen the name Red. One look on his long, crimson dreadlocks was enough for me. They weren't a natural color of red. They were really bloody red. Dyed, I guessed.

His pale skin was a sharp contrast to his red hair and for the first time I noticed the color of his eyes. Seems like Modo wasn't the only one with violet eyes. But his eyes were darker than Modo's, more plum colored.

That one word he said....*whatever*, it sounded very familiar to me. The problem was, I couldn't tell where I've heard it before or from whom.

Damn accident!

I was so deep in my thoughts that I almost forgot about Knux.

"Hey Zell? You still alive? C'mon I show you something. The chief likes to forget this room."

"What are you talking about?" I asked puzzled.

"You'll see."

We went down the many stairs of the building and into the cellar. Knux went into one room and searched for the light switch. He found it and what I saw almost took my breath away. There was a obstacle course especially made for T-boards. I starred perplex at Knux and he grinned from one ear to the other.

"Ever surfed on a T-board?"

He gave me a T-board which stood against the wall.

"I've never learned how to surf with a T-board."

"I could teach you."

"Hey Red, ...why are you doing this for me? I mean, we barely know each other."

"Hey you gave TJ a boot and that ....was pretty cool. I like people who don't take the shit from others. Especially not from jerks like TJ."

"But, ...isn't he your friend???"

"We're partners on the streets and that's all. I would've have hit some sense into him, but he's my partner so it's forbidden. We're like a family in the gang and you know what they say. Every family has a black sheep. And that's TJ. Hey, I'll tell you something. I'll show you how to surf and you'll show me a few moves in return. How does that sound?"

I flashed my wide trademark grin.

"Sounds like a deal."

He showed me everything I had to know. How to hold my balance, how to move forward or backward and a few tricks. I needed a few hours but at the end of the day I could handle it. I couldn't perform any tricks but what do you expect of one day? This guy TJ, now I've got it right, showed up once and left in the same second he saw me. I guess, he had enough from me for awhile.

The next day, I just walked around the house. I'd asked about the training but Faarooq seemed too busy at the moment so he postponed it for late afternoon. Everyone I'd met so far was friendly to me, except TJ of course. I realized that I'd been acting childish, almost foolish.

Knuxter was right!

I should fight against those who thought, that they could do what they wanted with me.

I turned around a corner, hearing a typing sound from somewhere. Well I didn't met everyone of the gang and with my newfound courage, I was eager to meet this person. I followed the typing sound and came to a stop at a wooden door, which was half open.

I peeked inside, not knowing what to expect. But certainly not this. There was a guy, in front of a laptop, typing on the keyboard. I never saw any other computers than the ones in Garden and I barely remembered them. He must've heard me, because he quickly glanced at me and then continued with his work.

"Hi, you must be the new one, am I right?"

"Yes, I'm Zell."

"I´m Andrew, just call me Doc like everyone else here."

"Doc???" I asked.

"Yes, I'm the computer guy here. I'm more of a burglar, you know? I open electronic doors the ones with a code. I also know much about medical things. Guess that's why they gave me that nickname."

"May I ask what you're doing?"

"Oh no need to be so polite. Well, I'm updating my system. I got a new software, which I'll need, to open the new types of the electronic doors."

I don't know why, but in a strange way, I was interested. I wanted to know more about this program and how it worked. Or how a computer worked in general.

"Can you show or tell me a few things about this?"

He looked at me confused, didn't seemed like anybody here was interested in his work. He nodded and beckoned me to his side. I took the chair, which stood near his desk, sat on it and looked up at him and his laptop. Hey, I was as short as the captain, ok? He told me everything about the basic stuff and how to use basic programs. I didn't noticed how the time passed. Suddenly there was a soft knock and Knuxter stood there leaning against the doorway.

"Yo, Zell. The chief wants to see you he isn't busy now.

I nodded, said bye to Andrew and left the room to follow Knux. It was my second day here and I still didn't know where the trainings-room was. While we were walking towards it, Knux nudged me with his elbow.

"Working on becoming the new Doc?"

I blushed out of embarrassment. I was just curious. Was that, too, a crime?

"I was interested in his work, that's all. But I wonder from where he got the laptop."

Knux shrugged and then smirked at me.

"What do think? Stolen, of course! Like everything else here. That's how we're living."

Ok, that answered my question very clearly. I couldn't live like that. I can steal when I don't see a problem in it. Like the items of an opponent in battle. (Which is also the purpose of my training.) But from normal people who I see everyday on the streets? Sooner or later I would swim in guilt. that I had to make the physiotherapy

We reached the trainings room and Knux left me. Faarooq stood inside in front of a dummy, which was dressed like a noble man. There was something odd about the dummy. The clothes! They had many pockets and on each pocket was a small bell attached. Whoever tried to steal something out of the pockets, would ring at least one bell.

"Ah, Zell. We can start with the training now."

"Yes, sir." Old force of habit.

After three years with the captain the sentence comes automatically. Faarooq only laughed and told me he wasn't the captain so I could act normal. He didn't need to explain what I had to do, it was quite obvious. I was suppose to empty the pockets of the dummy without ringing a bell. He told me that I should start slowly than faster with each try.

To be a martial artist also meant to be concentrated on every move you're doing. My first try was successful by the second and third time I'd rung the bells. I practiced 'til evening. Faarooq was pleased with my progress, though.

"You really have talent boy. I'm sure by the end of the month, you can also empty my pockets without me noticing it."

The training went for a two weeks and I made my own training program. I woke up at seven and made my sit and pull ups for three hours. Then after a quick breakfast I joined Doc with his work and at the afternoon I practiced on the dummy 'til dawn or even late at night. Sometimes Doc was out breaking into some noble man's house. Then I'd spent more time with practice. And there was always one hour free to have fun with Knux and the T-boards.

Sure TJ was always a bully and a pain in the ass, but I had Knux with me. We were two against one, then he wasn't so tough anymore.

One day I walked to Doc's room, he was out the last night, but something was in the air. No happy chatting, no running around by other members, ...no barking from the chief. There was something wrong. I went into his room to check if he was there. I saw the whole gang standing in the room. Faarooq slumped in his big chair and the rest of the gang was either sitting or stand in there. I also noticed that some of the female members were crying.

What the hell was wrong here?

Knux saw me and he had the same sad look on his face like everyone else.

"Zell? Did your heard what happened?"

I shook my head, too confused to form a sentence.

"Then you better sit down!"

There wasn't a chair left so I sat down on the table. I could guess what had happened already but my mind didn't want to believe it. So I sat there, waiting for an explanation. He put his hand on my shoulder in a brotherly manner.

"Zell, ....last night didn't go too well. We all knew how dangerous this was but we tried it anyway and nobody was forced to come with us."

He took a deep breath and gave me a nervous glance. He was near tears when he spoke again.

"....God, ...I'm so bad at these things. What I want to say is, ....the Doc, .....I mean Andrew. .....He won't come back. The police from Timber showed up and those bastards, ....shot him down, ...without warning."

Knuxter said all of this surprisingly calm, but still with a few cracks in his voice.

I couldn't believe it. No. Didn't want to believe it! He was dead! He always took time to show me something new on his laptop. And now? Now he would never do it again.

Tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't bother to hold them back. I cried, I had been so happy in those few weeks, because despite my scarred face, I was welcome. Andrew didn't mention a thing about it, he just accepted it. Knux embraced me and I cried on his shoulder while he rocked me gently.

I don't know for how long I had cried, but soon there weren't any tears left. Slowly I stopped and looked up at Knux probably with puffy red eyes.

"Listen Zell, I guess he knew somehow that it was his last day. He said something weird before we left the Sanctuary. He said: if anything happens to me, then someone has to look after my room. C'mon let's go into his room and look what he meant."

I shook my head wildly and then buried myself in his chest. It didn't feel right to go roaming around a friends room after he died not even twenty-four hours ago. I didn't want to go, not right now. Knux understood me but said it had to be done, because it was his last wish. So I got up and we went through the hallways to Andrew´s room. Knux opened the door. Everything was so, ...tidy. The laptop stood where Andrew left it on his desk. Knuxter went to it and opened the laptop slowly, revealing a neatly folded piece of paper. He took it and read through the first sentences.

"Zell, I think this letter, ....is for you."

What? A letter? For me? Couldn't be, could it? I took the letter from him with shaking hands. And read the first lines of it.

"Since you've found the letter I guess I died, ....or I wasn't careful enough to hide it in time. However I want you to give this letter to Zell and only to him. It's important and personal, so don't read any further please.

Zell, I know how hard this must be for you. I experienced it myself often enough. I hope you don't think, I attempted suicide, by Hyne, no! I wrote this letter awhile ago, hoping you would get it, if anything happens to me. Well the reason why I wrote it was to thank you."

I blinked a few times not knowing what he was talking about, but also to blink my fresh tears away.

"Yeah, you heard right! I wanted to thank you for your company. You have no idea, how boring it could get here, in the Dark Sanctuary sometimes. I was always typing inside my small chamber and always alone. Nobody was interested in my work and nobody wanted to keep me company. I was just Doc, who could open any door, no matter how secure it was. Then one day you showed up, telling me how you were interested and if I could show you some things. The last few weeks were some of the rare happy moments in my life.

You made me really happy and I hope you forgive me, if I ask you for one last favor. And please, don't say no. I left everything behind that was mine and most of those things weren't so important for me. Since I don't have any relatives, it doesn't matter to me what the gang is doing with them. But there is one thing which is important. My laptop. Please, Zell take care of it. All the data you need are stored and you know how to use it. The gang won't need them anyways. And I think they can soon place someone else in my position. I'm not saying it should be you. I just want you to take care of my greatest treasure. My life's work. You're the only one I trust enough to take care of it.

I'd never leave it to Knux, as good as he is on the streets, he has no idea about computer-systems. So that leaves you. I hope you don't dare to deny me my last will. (Or I come haunting your dreams as a ghost, ....booooh. Nahhh, just kidding. I would never do that.)

Take care of you boy and of my treasure.

Farewell says your friend,

Andrew"

I started to cry again. Damn it. I really am a crybaby, ....where did I get that from?

Doesn't matter.

I was so touched by this letter, I couldn't help myself. Andrew trusted me with his greatest treasure, something that had meant more than anything to him. I couldn't deny his last will even if I wanted to. I know it's personal but I have to show this letter to the chief. The moment I tried to move I'd lost my balance and was about to fall, but luckily for me Knux caught me in time. The whole situation was too much for me. I felt weak and exhausted. I stood up with Knuxter's help, he made sure I could stand on my own. Then we made our way back to Faarooq's room.

Much later, when everyone was gone, I showed him the letter. He read through it, then nodded to me.

"Well if it's his last will, you'll have to do it. Even though I'd prefer that the information would stay here."

"I could copy them for the next, ....Doc."

"No, Zell. Andrew wanted it. You shall take the laptop and look out for it."

"Ok."

There was nothing more to say about this. I wanted to learn everything that Andrew knew, but now he wasn't here to show me. I just had to learn on my own. Study more. He had all the information I ever need, stored. So I have to learn how to use them. And I will, cost what it may. What did the captain say? Afterwards we would study in the Deling City library? Great, exactly what I need. A crash course for basic computer-programs.

Time went by and the six weeks were over. I learned how to steal things quickly and how to open a normal door with a normal lock. Faarooq was right when he said that I could empty his pockets without him noticing it. Well, ...he didn't, did he? The captain came back and had his typical captain-Jack-the-merciless-drill-instructor-smirk on his face.

And I certainly didn't like it!

He had something in mind and it wasn't good, ...at least not for me. The smirk is a promise of a: I-know-something-you-don't-and-it-will-be-painful-for-you-torture. I saw this smirk often enough in the first two years of our training.

I saluted in front of the captain like I've learned it.

"I've heard good news Zell. It seems like you made a progress. You believe in yourself again. And you don't let others tell you otherwise?"

"No, sir!"

"Good. Now listen, ....brat." Oh no. That smirk again.

"I have good news for you. Since you've done well in the training and since you've found yourself again, we'll go to Galbadia Garden to pick up Rico and Modo and head straight to Deling City. But first, ...."

I knew there were strings attached. It sounded too good to be true.

"....there is one final test." He finished.

"A test, capt'n Jack, sir?"

"Yes. And the test isn't easy. Are you ready?"

Uhmmm. Well not, ...really. But I nodded anyway.

"Yes, sir."

"Ok. The rules may sound strange now. You will go through hell. Feeling pain, like you never felt before. And the only condition is, You're not allowed to cry. No whimper, no tear, nothing!!! That's very important. If you cry, you'll make the whole test a lot worse, ....for yourself. To make the pain bearable, you have to believe in yourself and in your abilities. Understand?"

".....Yes, sir."

"Just sit and close your eyes!"

I did what he said. At first nothing happened, but then I felt something vibrating. A to me unknown sort of magic. It was very strong and I heard incoherent chanting in the background. Suddenly there was slight pain, I didn't know from where, I only knew the pain was there. The pain increased with every passing minute. It was like the captain said. I wanted to cry, but I held myself back.

No! I wouldn't allow it. Not this time, not ever again!!! What good did crying ever do?

The pain was unbearable now and it was centered in my brain. My head felt like it was on fire, literally. I tried to ignore it, but it was futile. I could've tried to ignore a strong earthquake.

In the next moment I saw different colors in front of, although I had my eyes still closed. And I heard voices. I heard Rico and Modo. They were cheering at me. I remember, ...they cheered for me when we trained in the first two years. And I cheered for them in return.

They believed in me!

I hear captain Jacks voice, too. He shouted at me.

*I'M TAKING YOU TO A PLACE, WHERE YOU NEED YOU SELF-CONFIDENCE MORE THAN AIR OR FOOD.*

Self-confidence!?

Now I heard Knuxter's voice.

*I like people who don't take the shit from others.*

Faarooq's voice mixed in and said something too. An advice, which I heard often in the last six weeks.

*If you want to win the fight, say: I believe!*

I wanted to believe. Believe in my friends, believe in my talent, in my abilities. Believe in myself!

I remembered Andrew's letter.

*You´re the only one I trust enough to take care of it.*

And all of sudden, there was another voice. One I knew I should've remembered, but there was a veil of mist, which made it impossible to remember.

*Don't be such a crybaby, Zell!*

And there was more. There was electricity in the air and a familiar presence. Quezacotl!? I always thought the accident was the reason why I forgot many things from my past, but now I saw that there was also another factor to blame for. But why should he block my memory? Was my past that bad?

The pain increased again. Daggers of pain shot like arrows through my brain and now my whole body, too. I doubted myself! I'd let my guard down and now the pain got me again. I couldn't let this happen. Couldn't let the pain control me. There was no way in hell I would fail the test!

I had to win over it!

To regain my self-control again. For all those, who believed in me, who trusted me, ....who loved me. Not only for them, most of all, for my own sake.

I can and I will win!

Because, ....I believe I can!!!!

The pain slowly diminished and I could feel it. Something had changed. Something with my body but mostly my soul. I'd found something.

Me!

I'd found my true self.

I was complete before the accident. I always felt secure and normal. I could've faced any challenge and I wouldn't ever think of backing down, except if I'd risk the life of others.

And after the accident??? I had doubts! In myself, in my abilities and the worst, in other people. I doubted my friends and my mother. I'd lost my trust in others and myself, because of fear. I was afraid of rejection. That people didn't want me with such a disfigurement in my face, which I couldn't hide.

It took me six weeks with the Timber Road Doggs and this painful test, to realize what a great fool I was. I could do so much more with my life than hiding in a closet as long as I live. I'm thankful to the captain, for sending me here.

I opened my eyes and there was still a throbbing in my skull. But that was nothing, compared to the pain I'd been through. My vision was blurry at first but soon became clearer. I saw the captain was standing besides Faarooq's chair. The chief himself was missing.

"Glad you made it back in one piece, Zell. I thought you'd gone lost in your own mind."

I'm still asking myself what the captain had done, exactly. I mean, I could feel magic, but not the kind I'm familiar with. For me it felt ...forbidden. I could´ve asked anything at the moment. Questions like, 'What kind of magic was that? What have you done? Why do I feel so strange?' But, noooo! The first question was:

"How long was I out?"

Sometimes my mouth is quicker than my mind. It's a really bad habit and someday it will bring me into trouble. I know it.

"Thirty-five minutes and twenty-three seconds, exactly."

That was typical for captain Jack. Always precise and correct. I shook my head slightly to get rid of the throbbing in my head and lay two fingers of my left hand on my temple to massage it. Something felt odd, when I touched the skin. Something was missing. But what? I traced with my fingers over the left half of my face. I realized what was wrong and the captain started smiling at my attempt to figure it out. Not his usual instructor-smirk. It was a real smile. I touched my face some more to be sure and after what seemed like forever, I was sure!

My skin was ...smooth!

The captain didn't say a word. He just pointed to his right side. When I turned my head into the pointed direction, I saw a tall mirror standing there. I looked at my reflection but the face wasn't mine. Or so I thought. I saw my blond hair, with my long bangs reaching into my face, and my blue eyes. So far so good, only one thing was odd. Black flames marked my face instead of the scars. It looked like a tough tattoo. And it was a lot better then the scars.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked back at the captain, trying to form a question but nothing came out. I must've looked like a fish struggling for air. The captain chuckled at my attempt to speak and held his hand up.

"I guess, I should explain a few things for you. First: It wasn't really a test, but it had to be done and I know just too well how painful this ordeal can be. Second: It was magic and I'm sure you've noticed, it wasn't normal magic. You're right, it was black magic. I assume you wanted to ask me these question, am I right?"

I nodded. Phhh, lucky guess, that's all!

"Do you have more questions?"

"Only two. How and why."

"The 'How' is hard to explain. I hope you have a great imagination. Well, ...as you might know, I fought in the sorceress war. And to survive it I learned a few things about black magic. An old man, which I met in the war, showed me a few tricks in the art of black magic. And one of these tricks was the spell I casted on you. The forming spell. This special spell gives certain things a new form. You can cast it on an object or on humans. An object will turn into something else. To what the magic decides itself, not you. It's much more difficult to cast the spell on humans. Only a human with a strong character can stand it.

Weak humans get crushed by the spell. The spell is powerful enough to crush your mind. And in the worst cases it can cost your life. If the person is strong enough the magic will turn disfigurements into something else. A birthmark, a bruise or a tattoo. Depends on the injury. In your case it turned into a tattoo. I think that's much more appealing than a burned face. In every case, humans or objects, the magic decides the form, not the spellcaster.

This is the difference between black and white magic. White magic is controllable by everyone. Black magic is untamable. It's *wild* magic and also the reason why it's forbidden. There is only one kind of creature who could tame it. A sorceress! And to your next question, 'why'. I wanted to cast this spell earlier on you. You're just to young to hide in shadows, ...you can do that later. And what will your mother or the headmaster say, if the see you with a scarred face??? But I couldn't perform it until you were in mental stable condition. The spell would have killed you. I admit, I wasn't so sure if you could stand it with your thirteen years, but your were stable enough to give it a try."

I was stunned. All the effort, ...for me??? Nobody had ever done something like that for me. The captain wasn't so bad. Only strict. I'd formed a wrong opinion about him. I really could face the world now. I smiled widely and admired the tattoo in the mirror once more. Ok, my mother would yell at me and a few people would give me odd looks, but it was much better than the scars.

I'd learned many things here, which I could use in missions or just for fun. Hmmm, I wonder how Modo would react if his wallet was missing. But not only that, the familiar living with the gang was good for my soul. As much as I missed my bros, but they wouldn't have been such a great help. I know, they accept me like I am and I wouldn't have bothered to try and live with other people. I would've always cling to them. Depend on them. They wouldn't have a private life, because of me and I really didn't want that. The captain probably knew this and came up with the idea to leave me with his best friend, which he trusted as much, as I trusted Rico and Modo.

We got ready to leave, I packed Andrew's laptop in my bag with all the merchandise and went out to say farewell to everyone. They were perplexed when they saw my new tattoo, but liked it anyway. Knuxter was the last to whom I said farewell. I saw the tears in his eyes, which he tried to blink back. I guess for him, I was something like a little brother. He bent down and kissed my forehead slightly.

"Not farewell, ....but goodbye, ...for now." He whispered.

I was pretty stunned by his action but accepted it as a friendly gesture. A promise of meeting again, sometime. I got into the car and waved at them while they where still in sight.

The captain kept his promise and we drove to Galbadia Garden to pick up Rico and Modo. They had surprised expressions on their faces when they saw me. Well, I'd get use to it. We traveled to Deling City, where the captain rent an apartment. The following days we spent almost every day in the library, studying ourselves silly. But it was quite fun, because we could pick our subjects. Besides my usual subjects which I had in Garden or which I was interested in, I took also the subject: Computer science. I didn't want to open or to use Andrew's laptop and information until I was sure I could handle them.

We always started the day with three or four hours of training. The usual drill. I had almost missed it in those six weeks, ....almost. We also had our day offs, like Sunday, but we spent most of the time with studying or talking about the experience we've made in those six months. I was very interested with Modo's discovery. We were able to control an element!? He, on his part, could control water. You could only control an element, which you felt close to.

With Modo's help, I found my element. Thunder. No wonder Quezacotl likes me. Rico has one too, I think, but he refuses to tell us which one it is. I'm worried about him, it seems he's ashamed of it. Or maybe he really doesn't have one and is embarrassed, because we have. I respect his attitude, though. He is my friend and I would never force him to tell me anything. When he wants to tell us he'll do.

Ever wondered how I came to my hairstyle? Well that was a *shocking* experience. A trainings-incident when I tried to control my element. I ended up with my hair standing up, despite all the rules of gravitation. Modo laughed his ass off and when he regained his composure, he told me that the style went really well with my tattoo. All I needed were the right clothes and nobody would ask any questions. I'd fix that when I was home again. The five years would be over soon and we would all return to Balamb Garden. I couldn't wait to see my mother again. I missed her so much. Wondered if she'd recognize me when she saw me. I had grown much since I left Garden. Now, with my five feet in height I was taller than the captain himself.

Oh man, how time flies. One moment you're learning and then comes the day when you have to leave again. Soon we were finished with our training. The five years were officially over.

Before we went back to Garden we had to announce our arrival to the headmaster. So that was the first thing we'd done. We went to the third floor and luckily for us there weren't many students in the hallways. It was a Saturday, Everyone was probably in Balamb. Shopping or just enjoying their day off. We knew the captain had lost his job because of us. Rico told me and Modo about it. He said, he'd overheard a phone-call where the captain mentioned something like that and Rico figured the rest out. It was our fault and we felt guilty for it. We convinced the captain to ask for a job as instructor. I know his attitude towards the job, but he didn't have a choice, so he followed us and asked for it.

Headmaster Cid had his doubts, but we stood up for captain Jack. And ....he got the job! He is an instructor now, at Balamb Garden. And we are still his *favorite* class. Which means the three of us will get a much harder training than others and they are already complaining. Ok, we asked for it and we got what we deserved.

When I visited my home my mother didn't recognize me in the first five seconds. Then her eyes got wide and she embraced me with a bearhug saying the whole time, *My baby is back*. Hey, do I look like one? I'm a Dark Seed now, for Hyne's sake. I know what she meant by it, but since I met this bully in my class, I react a bit allergic to the word *baby*.

His name???

Seifer Almasy!

He also has the reputation of being a bully in Garden so I'm not really surprised. The guy has the nerve to call me crybaby and chickenwuss. Ok, his voice didn't sound mean, but it was an insult nonetheless.

It was cool how Rico and Modo stood up for me then. They still do that when I have problems with the guy, even after two years, since we've returned.

I feel somehow, ...like I should know him, but I really can't remember. But when he's acting like a complete jerk towards me, then I don't have to remember, do I? The only one of us who isn't so happy about the return to Garden is Rico. He was happy, until he found out that his childhood friend, Vialla, left Garden. I guess she was his first love and she still is, even after all those years. He's searching for her now, but he doesn't want our help. Not that he didn't appreciate it but he wants to do this on his own. It's a private matter, which only concerns him and nobody else. That's what he said. Ok, why not? Modo and I also do things on our own and he respects it as well. Except in missions, then the survival of the group is more important than anything else.

Ok Rico is a bit of a guy who likes to live on his own, but only because he doesn't want to bother us. He cares too much, so he thinks his problems are a burden to us. They're not, of course. Rico is a very kind person, but he doesn't show it to everyone only to people who had gained his trust. In two years he showed me how to play the E guitar. Modo, our brilliant bro, learned to play the drums by himself. Sometimes we meet by my mother's house for a session, she doesn't mind.

After two weeks in garden, Modo had a great suggestion. He'd enjoyed the training with the motorbikes the most. So he suggested to build our own bikes. I think his fingers were itching to try it. We agreed and soon we were looking out in the scrap yard for old motorbikes, a few functioning spare parts and also new wheels. And when we had found everything, we brought it to my mother's house. Rico and I let Modo handle the planning. For him, it was nothing more than a great puzzle which he'd put together piece by piece. Of course we helped him as good as we could, but unfortunately we aren't as skilled with machines as he is. After a week of hard work, the three of us had three modified, almost new bikes. It's great to ride with them. Modo has a black bike, Rico a blue and mine is red. The bikes are really perfect for some missions since they're modified.

We still get missions as Dark Seeds but only the captain knows of them. The headmaster hasn't the slightest idea about our second identity. I don't know from where the captain get the missions, but if he says to the headmaster, that we have to go, he'll let us go. I think the captain has his own connections and that's how we get still missions. He is our captain so we won't ask from where or how he got the missions. Besides he would rip our heads off if we do. Ever heard of: midnight training??? It's simple! You train the whole night in the training center and get no sleep at all. If you think that's hard and merciless, then try it three nights in a row. A Dark Seed can take much, but after that we need at least eight hours of deep sleep. It's hard and a mission can be hard, too. So it's necessary.

I use Andrew's laptop if the mission is really complicated, like cracking into a system, open many doors at once, turning the alert off and so on. Andrew had a purpose in life. The information in his laptop were his life's work and I just continued it. Somehow, ....I envy him. Andrew had lived his life with a destination. He had his life's work and he lived for it. He was practically born for it.

....And a Dark Seed is only born to die!

~~~

Don´t worry there is more to come. ^^