Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Project: Dark Seed ❯ Seifer´s POV ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I own Rico and Modo. ^_^ .... and also captain Jack. -_-" Ok,.... that's not so great. -_-"" Once more I don't own FF 8 *is only afraid of the hammer.* O_O"

Author's note: *shouts* I'm baaaaack. ^_^ *All readers are hiding* Great. now I've scared them away. -_-" I only wanted to say, that I will update my stories, don't worry, but I need time. I have to work much more now, in school and at work. So please, once more, be patient with me.

Warning: Is this the last chapter already??? Maybe because I'm thinking of an epilogue. And a little shounen ai. I think that was the understatement of the year. This chapter is almost dripping with it. Oh almost forgot something. Everyone who've read my fanfics knows of my famous: Rinoa-bashing. ^_^ So beware.

Seifer's POV

He hates me, I know he does. And I really can't blame him, because he's right. Sometimes I hate myself for being such a jerk.

I can't help it.

All I wanted was his attention. And ....I got it. But not the kind of attention I'd like to see. It started as a joke and it got out of control.

As children we were friends, that was before he left me. It was a long time. Five years to be exactly. I didn't know what this strange guy did to him. This bald dwarf, who is an instructor now. What was his name again? .....Jack? Oh yes, how could I forgot the greatest bastard, besides me, in Garden?

Instructor Jack Willis.

I think, he brainwashed Zell, so he doesn't remember me at all. That's the only explanation I have. Or is there something true about the rumor of GF's taking your memory? I never found out. I was to afraid of loosing my memory, that I tried to be unjunctioned most of the time. In some cases I had to junction a GF and then only if it was unavoidable. I lost a few memories, yes. But I could have forgotten it over time. I don't remember the time before Garden, for example.

Anyways, I didn't forgot the five years, when Zell was away. And neither the feeling of loneliness. I was alone in Garden then. With only Raijin and Fuujin by my side and they were more like fans or groupies. I couldn't talk with them about everything that was bothers me. I couldn't tell them that I felt lonely, because Zell was missing. Or the feeling of hurt and betrayal, because he left without saying why or when. As silly as it is, when I noticed he'd left, I thought I did something wrong. I was eleven years old, for Hynes sake. When he returned, I was sixteen, almost seventeen and one week earlier, I had broken up with my girlfriend. Rinoa was her name, I think. Why bother? I didn't care anyways. She was more of a test, than a real girlfriend.

Yeah, sue me. I wanted to know, if I was straight or not. And, ....if most of the female population is only half annoying as she is, then I'm glad that I'm gay. It's not only that. I also noticed the fact that my dear rival, Squall Leonhart, is pretty attractive. Maybe I don't like to admit it, but it's true and I think I'm not the only one who noticed it.

However, back to my problems. The real problem was, that I was sixteen and at this age still immature and stupid.

Good self description.

Zell came back to Garden and I was more than happy. I could've hugged the world. The instructor told us the news and as soon as he finished Zell and his friends arrived. Many of my classmates didn't remember those three either. I wasn't surprised half of the class was new and had never met them, the other half didn't care or simply forgot them. When I saw Zell I fell almost out of my chair. That wasn't Zell, was it? His bangs stood up in the air and he had a tattoo on the left side of his face. Oh, Hyne. The tattoo looked odd, but somehow, I found it cool too. It suited him. Later, my classmates talked to them. I waited patiently but nothing happened. The class left with the three old/new students and I was left behind in the class room.

He didn't notice me!

He didn't even bother to notice me. Oh well, I could forgive him for that, because after all, I had changed too and not a little at that. I hoped he didn't have the wrong impression of me because of what my class mates thought of me. The biggest jerk in Garden, the mean, rude bastard, and so on. He was in the cafeteria, sitting alone at a table, while eating a few Hotdogs. Some things never change.

I approached him and tried to talk to him.

"Hey, Zell. Good to see you again."

I was really happy at that moment, but the next thing he said shocked me to the core.

"Sorry, but have we met before?"

He said it with a look of utter confusion. It wasn't a joke! And he wasn't lying either. It only took him five years to forget me? I couldn't believe it.

"Oh, c'mon chickenwuss."

I called him by his old nickname, hoping he would recognize it. As children, I often called him by the nickname and he knew I never meant it. But now .....? It was only a joke, but I could tell, out of his reaction, he didn't see it as one.

"What did you call me???"

It was loud enough for a few people to hear. For them, it was nothing new. Seifer Almasy pissed somebody off. Big deal. For Zell's friends it was something new.

The one with the sunglasses, Mr-too-cool Rico came and behind him was Modo. Both with a tray in their hands. Zell was probably waiting for them. .....Not for me. Suddenly I felt a knot in my stomach, something I'd never felt before or on rare occasions.

Was it jealousy?

I think so. I was jealous! Zell had replaced me with them. I wasn't his friend anymore. I was just a face in the big crowd, nothing more. I looked back at Zell, his sapphire blue eyes now blazing with anger. And something hit me when I looked into them. I didn't have the time to figure out what it was then, because Rico interfered.

"What the matter here? ....Zell?"

"I don't know, Rico. He just came over here and called me a chickenwuss."

Now it was Modo's turn.

"Ok, bro. What have you done this time?"

Zell looked annoyed at him, but not angry.

"Nothing, I swear."

Rico looked at Zell, then at me, before he settled his tray on the table and turned around to talk to me.

" Listen pal! I don't know what problems you have with Zell, but you're better not starting a fight here. Because if you do, you'll have not one, but three against you. Ok? Now I suggest, you get lost."

I couldn't let them get away with that. He had talked to me like I was a little child. That was when my pride kicked in. And I curse that day and my own stupidity till eternity. Rico was right when he talked to me like that, I really was immature.

I shrugged like I didn't care, gave them a smirk and a snide remark.

"I think you're right, it's no use to fight with a chicken, but if you prefer to hang out with him, why not?"

I turned around and left the cafeteria. Much later, I realized my mistake, but I couldn't go to him and apologize, not after that. If anybody is a chickenwuss, it's probably me. I need time to apologize. Yeah, I need time to say: I'm sorry. Any problems with it? It's not easy for me to say it, ok? But I guess in Zell's case, I needed too much time. When I was ready to apologize, two weeks had gone by.

Late, I know! ....Too late, to be honest.

When I approached him again, I tried to say the right words but it was more the opposite. And I pissed him off, ...again.

Sad, isn't it?

To my big luck, his friends interfered too. And I made the same mistake twice. What a fool I was! They say you should learn out of mistakes, not doing them twice. From there on, everything went downhill and I lost control.

I don't know, but there was an urge to do it. To piss him off, I mean. When he glared at me with all his anger. I felt something again, like the last time. It felt, like a warm rush through my chest. Don't know what it was, but I wanted to feel it again. So I annoyed him, until he looked at me in this way, then I was satisfied for the day.

I realized, five months before the Seed test, why I felt the urge to do it. That was the worst morning ever, when I woke up all sweaty and panting. For those, who have to know. No! I don't think it's a nightmare when you wake up with your pj's not only drenched in sweat but also sticky. And I also remembered my dream. Every little detail, but the thing, which haunted me the most, was the memory of sapphire blue eyes. Not glaring at me, but full with passion.

I was in love!!!

In love with a person, who definitely hated me! I made his life a living hell, so why should he love me in return???

Oh great Hyne, in five months, I am supposed to make the Seed test, ....again. And he will be there too. Please, I never prayed to you Hyne, but please don't let him be in my team. I don't know how I'd react.

The worst is, I have to keep it a secret. I don't have anybody, who I can trust with that. Now you're think of Raijin and Fuujin, right? Raijin would probably freak out. And Fuujin? She wouldn't understand. She really isn't a person to talk to.

I wish, I could be with Zell alone, only for a minute. Maybe I could gather some information or maybe I could talk to him normal for once. But he is never alone!

There is always someone with him. Either class mates or his two best friends. I never get the chance to talk to him like normal, if somebody is around. Hey, I have also a reputation and I don't want to loose it. Not at the moment. I've built walls of arrogance and pride around me in those five years, when Zell was away. To keep me together, to keep me sane and most of all, ....to cover my pain. I didn't want anybody to notice that I missed him. I wanted to be strong.

And the result?

Nobody approaches me to ask annoying questions about my private life or bothers me. But nobody wants to be friends with me either. Well every coin has two sides. And I never thought that the other side of the coin could be so painful. To love and not to be loved. That's a high price to pay.

Lady Love is really a bitch!!!

Well I should go out now, see if I can find him and annoy the hell out of him, to get what I want. Time for me to put my mask of the cocky bastard, back on place. I think, in the end, ...I deserve his hatred. I really do and I won't complain. Hopefully, one day it will change, though.

~~~

Almost finished. ^_~