Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Reintegration ❯ Part 2 ( Chapter 2 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: MikariStar 
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.22.2012 | Pages: 6 | Words: 10.0K | Visits: 274 | Status: Completed
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.22.2012 | Pages: 6 | Words: 10.0K | Visits: 274 | Status: Completed
Reintegration
Sephiroth's Point of View
Step 09: Bang your Head
I find myself having trouble fighting the irresistible need to bang my head against the dashboard as Elena speeds away, driving like a maniac. From what I've heard, Reno's driving is worse and though I find that hard to believe, I will make a mental note never to get on a car if Reno is driving. If his driving truly is worse than this, it could even kill a Soldier.
I survived the tedious task of measuring myself, it was very annoying, but I took it like a Soldier, or I should say Turk. Fortunately, Elena assured that the uniform would be the standard design for the Turks, so that puts me at ease in terms of the possibility of it being influenced by Darla's taste in her personal attire. Rufus really needs to get a new tailor.
"It was a really good thing that I was assigned this mission," Elena rambles on endlessly. "Because I don't even want to think about poor Tseng being near that woman. Rude would have the best chance of survival from the three of them, but I could almost see him twitch last time he had to deal with her, I'm sure he nearly had a nervous breakdown and that's saying a lot for Rude. I bet Reno would get distracted by some random thing or only try to save himself and he wouldn't have protected you properly. But don't worry, you're safe with me."
That dashboard is looking more and more tempting by the second, attracting my head like a magnet. I force myself to look away from the dash and to Elena, then mutter a barely audible, "thank you." Apparently I'm a fragile creature who needs to be protected because I haven't been through Turk training.
"I heard you were moving out of the basement, good for you. Tseng is helping you pick a place and I volunteer to help you pick the furniture. We should all go shopping together; it'll be so much fun!" The desire to bang my head continues to increase.
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After we arrived at headquarters we went to see Rufus, who was working on some accounting. I took the opportunity to mention my concerns. "Sir, if I may ask, is there a reason to withhold the funds Shinra has been providing?" I've always been told I should cut the small talk and be direct.
Rufus barely looks up from his desk, "I thought you might notice something. It's being done how it needs to be done, there's no need for you to worry about it."
"But the people need this help and it's not fair that you are living in riches while others are..."
"Shut up!" I fall silent; it seems I hit a sensitive spot. Rufus glares, "listen carefully, I'm trying to do the right thing and make it so people are not dependant on Shinra, history will repeat itself if they are. I can't save them, they have to save themselves and the only way they'll learn to be independent is if they need to be independent. The economy won't prosper if everyone sits down to wait for the next paycheck from good old Shinra to arrive. They have to learn not to count on us so that they can count on themselves."
I'm starting to see the logic behind this, don't give me a fish, instead, teach me how to fish; as the old saying goes. Maybe accusing Rufus was my own cheap excuse to find faults in someone else and by comparison reduce the gravity of my own flaws.
Rufus takes a deep breath, "don't do that! Don't give me that sad look, it's annoying. Go away, you look pitiful!"
Did I truly look that sad just now? I suppose the realization that I am in a league of my own in terms of vast need for unattainable redemption does feel quite harsh. "Excuse me, sir."
I exit the office, walk down the hall and proceed to bang my head against the wall. I continue the motion until I feel a hand pull my head back and do not resist. I turn to see Rude, the only one tall enough to reach the top of my head if he stretched his arm. He shakes his head in disapproval then speaks a firm, "no," as if he were scolding a puppy.
I step back from the wall and study Rude's expression; it's as unreadable as ever, though I'm fairly certain he must think I'm insane. I hate to think I gave him a good enough reason to come to that conclusion. For a second I snapped and the truth is I'm worried it will happen again with worse consequences. "I..."
Rude nods, then gives me a supportive pat on the shoulder. Does he understand? He is Reno's partner after all; he must know what it's like to be driven to the edge of his sanity. I can't tell if Rude is only pretending to be supportive because that's part of his job and he truly believes I'm a lost cause, or if he actually understands where I'm coming from.
"Coffee," I mutter, then walk past him and head towards the coffee machines. Rude doesn't try to stop me.
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I find my anxiety subsiding when my mind is occupied in the simple task of making coffee. The scent becomes more noticeable and I find it calming. I remember drinking coffee with Angeal and Genesis after training in the winter. I close my eyes and take in the scent, tuning out all senses except that one and basking in the memory of my last winter with my two best friends.
That was a mistake. I'm harshly thrown back into reality when the coffee machine blows up, soaking me and the surrounding area with scorching hot coffee which actually makes me yell, more so in surprise and frustration than in pain.
Albeit it has no number on it, I realize that this must be coffee machine number eight, the one Reno tinkered with, the one Elena warned me about. I lowered my guard and it led to disaster. If not because Rude came and guided me to the locker room, I would have started banging my head against a wall again.
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Step 10: Trapped
I feel claustrophobic. Ironically, the sensation isn't due to the enclosed space of the small shower, or the icy cold water raining upon my head. I feel trapped in my own body; I'm a prisoner of being me.
I don't know how long I've been in here, I lost track of time. Nobody has come to occupy the neighboring showers. I can picture Rude standing at the door, shaking his head at anyone who approached the locker room. I'm thankful to be alone, but at the same time, I feel guilty to be considered dangerous. I'll just try to tell myself that I'm not being avoided, I'll delude myself into thinking that coincidentally, no one needs to take a shower or get anything from the locker room right now.
I hear footsteps, followed by the sound of a locker door. There are two distinct sounds, a pair of shoes being thrown aside. There is silence, though I catch the faint sound of fabric, which normal people would miss; more footsteps, softer than before, barefoot. Another shower comes to life and I don't know who is in it, but I'm relived to know I'm not considered dangerous enough for the showers to be closed off.
I take a deep breath and decide to leave. I shut off the shower, take my towel and dry off, wrapping the towel around my waist. Thankfully, though the showers are still quite small, the door opens towards the outside. When I was in Soldier the shower doors opened towards the inside, making it difficult to close them and even harder to get out.
I dress and I'm ready to leave before the unknown man is even out of the shower. I hold no curiosity for his identity, thus I head out and find that, unlike I had expected, Rude is not guarding the door. For a moment I wonder if that was Rude back there in the shower or if he has truly left me unguarded. I pace around unsure of what to do next.
"Yo Seph, have you seen Rude?" Reno emerges from the locker room.
"He was here before..." I should be glad he didn't feel I needed constant surveillance from a Turk, but at the same time I feel uneasy. Maybe I do need to be constantly watched.
"He always hears about stuff first. He's quiet but he has all the information," Reno sounds as if I should already know what he is referring to. He takes my silence as a lack of knowledge about whatever he is alluding to and elaborates, "did you see it? That hole in the wall? I thought it was weird and since Rude always knows what's going on, I was going to ask him. Unless you know what that's about."
"A hole in the wall," I repeat incredulously, this can't be happening. "At the end of the hall from the president's office?"
"Yeah! What happened?" Reno is full of curiosity and I don't feel like sharing the earlier occurrences.
"I'm not sure," this isn't entirely a lie.
"Maybe it's just some small renovations," I'm relived Reno actually managed to come up with a reasonable theory.
This will hopefully signify the end of the topic concerning the hole I made on the wall with my head, without even realizing it. I don't even want to think about whoever might have been at the other side of that wall witnessing the event.
Just as Reno is walking off somewhere and I'm thinking about hanging out in the training room for the rest of the day, I notice something odd. "What is that on the floor?" I cannot stop myself from asking.
"Huh?" Reno looks back at me, then at the floor. "It's cookie dough." He is completely casual when saying this, yet the cookie dough footprints are anything but normal.
"Cookie dough?"
"Yeah, Shinra sends someone to help make cookies every week and it was my turn. I tripped and fell into this huge tub of cookie dough."
I'm starting to realize that maybe the Turks are not so normal after all. If Elena's violent episodes and Rude's absolute silence didn't give it away, Reno's odd ability to be amused by troublesome things should. I wonder if Tseng has some normalcy in him.
I shake my head hopelessly, "one more thing... Do not tinker with the coffee machines or I might have to kill you."
"This I have to see!" Reno has the audacity to laugh, then bolts towards the data room, seemingly determined to obtain the security video depicting my unfortunate catastrophe.
"Reno, if you don't delete it I really will kill you!" He's not listening to me and I wonder if it's good or bad that my threat isn't taken seriously. As much as I want to change my ways, there are certain limits that shouldn't be crossed. I decide not to chase after him, let him seal his own fate.
I see Tseng walking in my general direction. He glances at the cookie dough footprints disapprovingly. "Why couldn't he take a shower before giving his report?" I assume he is muttering about Reno. Then he looks at me and searches for signs of something, I'm not sure what. "Good to see you made it back safely," if he recognizes the danger of Darla he insane tailor and Elena's crazy driving, then maybe Tseng is the normal one of the group. Then he gives me the news, "we will be having a group training session in fifteen minutes. All Turks are to report to the training room."
"Yes, sir," it comes out automatic, but brings along a strange sensation. I'm a Turk now; it's just barely starting to truly sink in.
Tseng could have just sent me a message with this information, so I can deduce that delivering the message in person had other purposes. I wonder if he really wanted to know if I am in good health after my trip, or if he was wondering if I am sane enough to train with the other Turks without causing any accidents. I suppose I should get used to people being cautious, perhaps they should be.
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Step 11: Training
I childishly place my hands over my ears and hum loudly to myself. I do not wish to hear Reno's voice in his one way gossip with Rude, if the redhead is talking about me and my coffee machine incident, I might kill him.
Tseng taps me on the shoulder and gives me a look that says he suspects I'm insane all over again and in all honesty, I can't blame him. I rub my temples with my fingers and mutter, "headache," as a feeble excuse for my strange behavior.
"If you're not feeling up to it, you don't need to participate in the training," Tseng assures.
"It's alright, I think it'll make me feel better," despite my situation, I refuse to run away from a challenge. The challenge here isn't the training itself, but the possibility of having a training battle and being paired up against Reno, he would be especially hard not to kill.
"Alright, everyone inside the training chamber," Tseng commands and Reno's chatter ceases as he, Rude and Elena follow after Tseng and me into the training chamber.
There is no artificial landscape or display of advanced holographic technology, all we see is the chamber as it is in reality, then I feel it, the pull of gravity. It's strange and at first I assume I'm imagining it, until Reno's goggles slip off his forehead and on top of his nose, triggering the start of a story about how one time he dropped his goggles while training and accidentally stepped on them, so he will wear them this way now, since there is less of a possibility of dropping them.
With the broken silence a torrent of comments is unleashed as Elena speaks of how gravity makes her hair flat and proceeds to finger it. Tseng fished around for an item in his pockets, which is revealed to be something to hold back his hair with, when he finds it he ties his hair in a low ponytail.
The gravity really is stronger here. "Okay, let's do the usual warm up exercises." Though it looks like they're not paying attention, as soon as Tseng makes the announcement, the other Turks are stretching their limbs to the limit and bending at impossible angles.
I watch what Tseng is doing; he is the leader after all, and try to mimic the movements, only to find I lack the mobility to do so in this small suit. With an indignant ripping sound, my pants give up and I fall in a sitting position, feeling the full effects of the enhanced gravity. Needless to say, this is terribly embarrassing and the Turks are making an inhuman effort not to laugh their heads off at my predicament, all save for Reno who is just about choking with laughter and if he doesn't, I might choke him myself.
Tseng clears his throat and Reno clasps both hands over his mouth in a futile effort to silence his amusement. "Maybe you should wear your Soldier clothes until your new suit is ready."
I nod in silence, eyes fixed on the floor. When I peek up wondering if the right moment will arise when I can get up with minimal humiliation, I catch a glimpse of Tseng making a circular motion with his finger in the air. Then all the Turks obediently turn around with their backs to me and I make my swift escape, hastily dashing to the locker room.
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Though I would much rather go hide, having lost a considerable amount of the pride I used to have in the old days, as if the shame of having threatened to destroy the planet while crying for my mother wasn't enough to obliterate it completely, I returned to the training room with my Soldier clothes.
The warms up was resumed, apparently they waited for me, aware that I am not familiar with the routine, thus wouldn't know what exercises I'm required to do. I find this to be quite a challenge and though I don't feel weaker, I start to fear that I am.
Perhaps it's not that I've lost my strength, but rather I am used to using strength for the most part, with skill handling the masamune and a good amount of speed. Flexibility and the agility to swiftly crawl through anywhere unnoticed was not part of my Soldier training.
Soldiers make their presence known; they were in the past the destructive force of Shinra, though I didn't see it that way at the time. Turks are sneaky and secretive, quiet and lethal, instead of noisy and threatening. The arrival of a soldier, once the battle starts, becomes obvious and the enemy may retaliate but would be overpowered.
The trick to being a Turk, I think, is that their arrival and departure is never known and the enemy, even one capable of overpowering the Turks in physical combat, wouldn't acknowledge their presence until their mission has already ended.
Somehow I'm fascinated at the prospect of gaining new abilities and skills. Though I tell myself not to be tempted, because I do not trust myself to be capable of prudently handling too much power. I once heard someone say, I think it was Angeal, 'with great power comes great responsibility.'
Then I hear a loud crack and though I feel no pain, the noise makes me wince. My clothes are not torn this time, but my bones are noisier than they should be, as if they're not used to being twisted and stretched this way, and they're not. I stand up straight ignoring the sound, despite a few giggles escaping Elena; she had been fighting with her laugher since the unfortunate incident with my pants, unable to eradicate it completely. Reno lets out a loud laugh, but I'm not surprised so I manage to ignore it.
"That's a good warm up everyone," Tseng concludes, "now let's turn the gravity up and-"
"Play?" Reno inquires, in a tone similar to that of a child who has been promised a trip to the park.
"Yes, we'll do that exercise," Tseng goes to the controls and turns the gravity up, while Reno runs off, returning after fetching a volleyball.
I feel the pull of gravity increase considerably. I had no idea the Turks' training was this rigorous and it sinks in that despite my strength, I barely have the flexibility to keep up. This is a challenge, I have room to improve, something to focus on. Perhaps despite all the difficulties, I will enjoy being a Turk after all.
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Step 12: Memories
Even if it's a simple game of volleyball, it feels productive; the required fast movements combined with the increased gravity, will no doubt have a beneficial effect. I'm actually having fun with this training.
After the game, it was time for some serious training, as Tseng informed. "The president wants to know if you have maintained your previous Soldier level, so if you're feeling ready, all of us will fight you at once. If you want to stop, just say so."
"Alright..." Is Tseng trying to tell me, 'stop before you kill us'? It's not like me, but I'm worried and nervous. Then again, I suppose I do have my reasons to worry, though there will be no weapons involved in this combat exercise.
We all take battle stances and the Turks suddenly go on the attack, wasting no time. Reno runs towards me as if to punch me, but he misses terribly and my eyes automatically follow his false attack, only to turn around too late to avoid Tseng and Rude's dual kicks. I step back, Elena trips me as I do, and I fall flat on my back. This was all part of their plan and each of them played their part. Good team work, trustworthy comrades... I feel odd.
All four Turks continue on the attack, beating me like a punching bag, it's annoying. I push them away as I feel the anger rising. They get up and run towards me again. I see fire that isn't truly there, it's burning all around me, I see Nibelheim reduced to ashes and I freeze up.
I feel pain, I don't know if it's physical or not. I hear voices, false voices of terrors of the past and real voices of the Turks, but I can't tell them apart. Suddenly my vision blurs and I no longer see the fire, just darkness and cold silence.
"Stop it!" A voice rings out crystal clear and I open my eyes. A blur pushes the other four blurs away. "You call this training? The poor guy probably can't even stand up in this gravity. Just because he looks like Sephiroth doesn't mean he's as strong as Sephiroth!"
"Why are you here?" Tseng's voice remains collected.
"To deliver this disk, it's a report from the WRO. I heard something and was curious; it's a good thing I came," is that Strife?
"Reeve could just email this stuff; he just wants to give you work." No one confirms nor denies Reno's comment.
"We may regret granting you access to this floor, though our training sessions have been mutually beneficial in the past; you are not to interrupt Turk business."
"Don't give me that, Tseng," I think that is Strife, it sounds like him. "I never thought you would allow everyone to pick on the new guy at Shinra and especially not participate yourself. If you're planning to train this guy to be a Turk, you have to keep him alive and in one peace."
Just as everything comes into focus, Cloud pulls me to my feet, throwing my arm over his shoulder as one would help a person who cannot walk on their own, and gets me out of the training chamber. I'm so shocked I remain limp. That idiot, if I were a normal man, he could have just about killed my spine. Even I know not to move a person who has been supposedly injured.
"Are you okay? C'mon say something!"
I've been placed on a chair outside the training chamber, my numbness fades away and I clench my fists and glare at Cloud, fighting a losing inner battle against the need to kill him.
Tseng quickly jumps into action. "Elena, take care of Cloud, Rude, we'll handle him," by him I take it Tseng means me. "Reno, just stay out of the way."
"Wha... hey!" Reno's complaint is ignored as Tseng and Rude drag me away. Reno follows against Tseng's wise order.
"We're taking him to the infirmary," Tseng lies.
"I'm going too," Cloud is feeling suicidal.
"Wait, you can't!" Elena frets, unsure of what to do.
"I'm going!" Cloud steps around her.
"No!" Elena rushes in front of Cloud and the last thing I see, she's launching a surprise attack with her ice materia at the unsuspecting Cloud. The Turks probably all had their materia just in case. Of course they wouldn't take the risk of being completely unarmed with me around.
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"Kill Strife..." I break free from Tseng and Rude's hold and punch a wall, leaving a hole in it.
"Kill! Kill! Kill!" I can't control my words or my actions. Why am I even trying so hard? It's not like I can clear my name anyway, this is all useless.
"Seph, calm down! You don't have to throw such a tantrum!" Reno interferes. I grip his forearm, as if to lift him and throw him, but then I stop when someone else arrives in the hall where we stand.
"Sephiroth!" A loud scolding voice, there stands the president, no doubt lured over by the commotion I'm making. "Stop that, this is no way to deal with your frustrations!"
There he is, Rufus Shinra, but he looks like someone else. Those words trigger something in my memory. I wasn't destroying walls back then, but Director Lazard scolded me in the same way. Genesis was ill and I didn't understand what was happening, I didn't know why I couldn't help him. Even before the incident in Nibelheim, I questioned my existence.
The happenings at the Nibelheim reactor alone couldn't have pushed me over the edge. I suspected I was different; I was just waiting for the confirmation. I was waiting for the proof that would make it impossible for my denial to continue.
Back then, Lazard told me that blaming myself wouldn't do any good. I couldn't take it anymore and told him how frustrated I was that I couldn't help Genesis, that I was treated differently, that I didn't fully understand what I was. But he told me to stop it, because blaming myself wasn't going to help me deal with life's trials.
Then his voice softened, he said I should see him as a friend too and that it was alright to speak of what I thought and felt; that I shouldn't keep it bottled up. I suspected that Lazard had his own set of problems, questions and mysteries, I should have asked, but I was too absorbed in my own thoughts. In the end I couldn't help him either.
Even with his own burden to bear, Lazard smiled reassuringly and said, "it'll be alright."
"Lazard?" I woke up from my daze and realized that this was not Lazard standing in front of me. It was Rufus echoing his words. I shook my head. Lazard is dead, just like Genesis and Angeal. "Rufus Shinra," I had to say the name to convince myself of his identity. "I..." my head hurts, "I'm sorry about this."
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Step 13: Stressful Envy
Tseng, Reno and Rude let out a collective sigh, while Rufus massages his aching temples. I wonder if he was bothered by me calling him Lazard, there is a resemblance and I have heard the rumors of Lazard being an illegitimate Shinra. Either way, it seems Rufus has decided to ignore my little slip off in terms of the name, though my behavior I'm sure is inexcusable.
"Get off me!" Cloud's cry makes us all look towards me. His sword is absent and Elena is riding on him piggyback, covering his eyes with one hand and pulling his hair with the other. "Get off!" He hops around like a wild rodeo horse, trying to throw Elena off, but her legs are firmly wrapped around him and she doesn't fall.
At least I'm not the only one being humiliated today and despite Cloud's good intentions I still think he deserves worse. Just who does he think he is playing Mr. Hero, going around helping people, I don't need help and I could do more to help those who do need help. I frown and glare, clenching my teeth and fists, but before my anger breaks lose, Tseng and Rude are at my sides, prompting me to walk with them.
We must look silly walking side by side, arm in arm, with me literally shaking with the rage that's so hard to control and the Turks struggling to keep me walking in the right direction, pulling me along. We look like three drunken buddies, leaning on each other for support, but the reality is quite different.
I vaguely hear Reno say something about a green eyed monster, my eyes are green indeed and I know I became a monster after I was convinced that's what I was, but I try to ignore him. I close my eyes and let the Turks guide me, trying to make my body pose no resistance, though I don't feel I can make it completely listen right now.
The next thing I know I'm being pushed down and I open my eyes. Regardless of my past, I'm not ready to be strapped into a bed in an infirmary, or hospital, or mental facility. I growl and throw Tseng and Rude off. Then I notice where I am, this isn't the infirmary, nor is it a detention facility. This is the relaxation area, and they were trying to push me down on a massage table.
I raise my hand as a signal for them to stop, then take a deep breath and count to ten. My head is pounding, my eyes are irritated, my mouth is dry, my ears are ringing, and though I do not have a mirror to see my face, I assume my expression must be frightening. The massage therapist stares at me for a long moment before she bursts into tears, as if she's seen a nightmare come to life before her eyes, and runs away.
My harsh breaths even out, my face turns serious, my eyes no longer sting and my ears stop ringing. Mmy mouth is still dry and my throat aches, my voice coming out rough, "sorry."
Tseng shakes his head, "she's gone."
"She's not coming back, is she?" Reno inquires the obvious. "Aw man, I could have used a massage."
Rude stares at Tseng, as if communicating a message I cannot perceive. Tseng understands and shakes his head, but Rude nods, then Tseng sighs, "alright."
"Coat," Rude requests and I take off my coat and hand it to him. Are they getting another massage therapist, one that's not terrified of me? "Lay down."
I do as Rude says without question, laying on the massage table. I think I heard Tseng grumble, "I can't believe I'm doing this," then a pair of hands are on my stressed shoulders. I stiffen at first, then force myself to go limp until I relax.
I've never had a massage before, I never liked letting people touch me. Even now it's odd, very odd, but I guess Tseng is just trying to help. I wonder if he does this for all the other Turks or maybe just Elena. I wonder how far their trust goes and how deep their friendships are. Are the Turks that much closer to each other than Angel, Genesis and I were? Probably...
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There is a crunching sound that brings me back to the world of the conscious. I must have dozed off or at least I think I did, unless Tseng pushed a pressure point on the back of my neck and knocked me out. No, that can't be, it only works on movies and I would have noticed if he tried, even if I was distracted.
It's dark and when I sit up and the coat over my head falls, I realize that someone had put my coat over me, blocking the bright lights. I put the coat back on and stare at the source of the crunching sound with curiosity. I'm still tired, mentally exhausted, even if I'm physically rested. "Reno, why in the world are you eating burnt rice?"
"It's not burnt, it's just crunchy." There is a pot on the floor next to him, an electric pot, its long cord plugged to the wall. A bowl and spoon are sitting atop the lid. "Do you want some? It's an exotic tropical dish called pegao." Reno puts down his bowl and starts filling mine before I can refuse. "It's supposed to mean sticky, or something like that."
I look at the crunchy rice in the bowl Reno handed me, "this is not sticky." All the opposite, it's dry and crunchy, yet it has a singular taste to it that is, "good..."
"Isn't it? Do you want to put ketchup in it?" Reno picks up the bottle that had been behind the pot and offers it to me.
"I suppose," I should be open to try new things and if I focus on experimenting with my food, I might push away the stress that's still eating me.
"That's cool, Elena always complains because I put ketchup on everything. Like it's any of her business, I'm the one eating it and I never say anything about her mustard obsession."
Hearing Elena's name reminds me of the scene with Cloud and I have to ask. "Is Strife gone?"
"Yeah, he's gone. He came in here and made a fuss, but you were passed out at the time. We told him you were just relaxing and he believed it. Elena ripped out some of his hair though, it was priceless! I caught it on video, do you want to watch?"
"No," even if he's being humiliated on the video, I simply do not wish to look at Cloud's face right now. I don't know how I managed to control myself before or what's come over me now. "What do you mean I was passed out?"
"Unconscious, Leader freaked out because he was giving you a massage and you suddenly went limp and cold, but your pulse and breathing were normal, so we figured you were okay, just stressed."
I nod, but I am not okay and for someone like me, being stressed is far too dangerous.
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Step 14: Regret
It's a new day and though I was informed I could take the day off if I was feeling indisposed, by that I'm sure Tseng meant to say mentally unstable, even if he's far too polite to word it so directly, I decided that I will report to work after all.
I am greeted by Rude when I enter the Turks' office, who instead of saying hello, simply nods quietly and hands me a box. The box contains my new Turk uniform; that was fast. I thank Rude and give a polite greeting to the other Turks, who answer with a variety of replies ranging from "good morning" to "yo", then excuse myself to go try on my new uniform.
Fortunately, the suit fits perfectly and I find it surprisingly easy to move around in it. I still feel a bit odd without the weight of my armor, but it's alright, I can get used to this. I am no longer a soldier who stands firm and breaks down walls, I'm a Turk who moves fast and jumps over walls. It's like going from samurai to ninja in a way, though I'm not sure the comparison fully fits, given Shinra's history with Wutai, which reminds me of my days as a Soldier and... I'm not going down this path of thoughts again.
I focus on the present, Tseng is explaining something about community service and I am assigned to help Reno. At first I am in disbelief, though I do not protest, as I believe it's not my place, I thought Tseng had more sense than that. Then I realize the arrangement is inevitable. Reno got the easiest job with the least media coverage because he's such a clumsy troublemaker and I was given the same assignment because I'm... well... not fully myself sometimes. It can't be helped; I'm stuck going with Reno to paint a building at Kalm.
While I'm contemplating my terrible fate, though I still dare not complain, I finally realize Elena had been talking to me, I had been too focused on imagining the bad day that awaits me to notice before. I'm not sure what she was saying, but I nod and she smiles, directing me towards a chair where I sit, wondering what in the world did I agree to do.
My worries ease when I realize that I didn't agree to anything too terrible. Elena simply wanted to brush my hair, which I suppose I could endure, though I do not particularly enjoy it. She ties it into a high pony tail and smiles proudly. "Your hair is so pretty, now it won't get in the way when you're painting."
I mutter a "thanks," and leave it at that.
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The sun is shining in the town of Kalm, my work has barely started and I'm already having trouble putting up with it, not because of the work itself but because of my assigned teammate. I wonder if Tseng was secretly trying to test my patience, I also wonder why Rufus allows me to continue being with the Turks, why Tseng agrees to it and why Reno can't be less sloppy. He talked non-stop on the way here by helicopter, then continued talking when we unloaded the equipment and started painting, he is still talking now.
No one in Kalm recognizes me as anything more than a Turk, at least that's one less problem to worry about, but Reno is problem enough. We're painting his building, of a purpose unknown to me, red, a very bright and irritating red which matches his hair as well as the drops of paint that are all over my new suit and my previously clean face and hair, thanks to Reno's sloppy painting next to me. "Why don't you paint the wall on the other side?"
"Cause then you'll have no one to talk to on this side," Reno acts as if he firmly believes his presence is a good thing, yet he is far from pleasant. He's a nuisance that I wish the ground would swallow up, though I'm sure Aeris will kick him right out of the life stream pretty soon.
I take a deep breath and count to ten, then take off my jacket and roll up my sleeves as I would have done from the start if I knew Reno was this clumsy with paint.
"Good idea," Reno decides to copy me, though I'm sure his jacket already needs a miracle to be saved with the amount of red paint stuck to it.
Then I notice something when he rolls up his sleeves, there's a bandage on his forearm and a flashback invades my mind. x x x "Seph, calm down! You don't have to throw such a tantrum!" Reno interferes. I grip his forearm, as if to lift him and throw him, but then I stop when someone else arrives in the hall where we stand. x x x Rufus arrived just on time, I would have thrown Reno and hurt him if Rufus hasn't calmed me down, but it seems I already hurt him. My grip must have been stronger than I realized, did I fracture his bone? "I'm sorry..."
"What for?" I feel cruel now for criticizing Reno. It's true that he is an annoyance, but he's very forgiving.
"For that," I point at the bandages.
"Oh this, you don't have to apologize, it's not your fault," though Reno assures me that I am not to blame, the possibility of his injury having taken place at a different time, in an event that does not involve me, is something I am not considering.
It has to be my fault, because it seems that every catastrophe in the world is my fault. Though I have come to dread Reno's frustrating presence, I should be thankful that he's not running away from me after what I've done and I should do something to properly apologize. I came back to the world to repay my debt, to make up for what I've done, to clean my name, to find redemption, yet so far I've only caused trouble for the Turks and Shinra. It's time for me to earn my second chance.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 15: Painting Kalm Red
"What are you doing there, boy?" While I paint, I listen to the old man from Kalm talking to Reno.
"Nothing," it's the first time I've heard Reno give such a short and precise answer, I wish he would do that more often.
"I can see that, son, and let me tell you I don't like it, you should be painting with your friend over there. Isn't that what you Shinra people came here to do? Instead I find you sitting there not doing anything, that's no way to get things done, boy."
"Sir," I intervene as politely as possible, "Reno is injured."
"Reno is his name, eh? And what's your name, boy?"
"Seph-" I pale and fall silent, I can't believe my near mistake.
"Listen here Seph, your friend looks perfectly healthy to me, son. I think he's just taking advantage of your kindness to skip out on his chores. Reno is lazy."
I shake my head, "Reno is injured."
"Reno is taking advantage of you."
"Reno is very kind and forgiving," I argue, as if it was my sworn duty and it is; I was revived to atone.
"Reno is tricky."
"Reno is nice."
"Reno is irresponsible."
"Reno is a good friend."
"Reno is careless."
"Reno is considerate."
"Reno is thirsty," that last one, was not spoken by the old man or myself.
"Just a moment, I'll be right back," I'm the one who hurt Reno, so I'm the one who has to make it up to him. Just like this, one by one, I'll earn everyone's forgiveness. "Mister, please don't bother Reno, he needs time and rest to recover."
The old man shakes his head and leaves, then I leave as well, retuning with a cold drink. "Is this alright?"
Reno nods, accepting the can of Pepsi, "Thanks Seph!"
"If you need anything else, let me know," then I resume my painting.
xoxox xox xoxox
The sun is setting and I'm exhausted, having spent the day painting Kalm red. I can proudly declare I managed to finish all my and Reno's work. I didn't take time to rest or eat, pausing only when Reno requested another cold drink, lunch or a snack.
It was at that time when Elena arrived to see how we were doing, after having finished her own work for the day. "Wow, I see you finished the job, well done."
"It wasn't too hard," who am I kidding? Doing chores is more exhausting than taking down an army.
"Seph's my new best friend," Reno happily declares, "he offered to do my work and brought me snacks all day."
"So I heard," Elena shook her head in disapproval, "the rumor reached me as soon as I arrived in town, that the red haired Turk has enslaved the silver haired one. Stop picking on him!"
"Elena, it's fine, I don't mind. I injured Reno and it's my duty to make his life easier until he heals," I try to explain what I think is the truth.
"When did that happen?" Elena looks at Reno, but doesn't appear to find what she's looking for, though the bandages on his forearm are in plain view.
"I don't know what Seph's going on about, he keep blaming himself for this," Reno points at the bandages, "even if I told him it's not his fault."
"Of course it's not!" Elena is upset, "it's your own stupid fault. Tseng, Rude and I are always telling you not to lay on your balcony's veranda like that, but you never listen."
"There was such a nice breeze!" Reno argues, and I analyze their argument.
"Oh yes, it must have been really nice and relaxing if you fell asleep and fell off!" Elena's revelation makes my blood boil.
"All this time, your injury was not my fault." Is this karma, a punishment from the planet itself, in the shape of an annoying red head?"
"I told you so," Reno smiles and I want to knock his teeth out.
I make chocking motions in the air, imagining Reno's neck breaking between my fingers, but I suppose if I murder him and use his blood to paint the rest of Kalm red, I'll have something to feel really guilty about later. "Reno, get away from me before I kill you," I warn.
"But I thought we were best friends!"
"Now!"
Reno wisely scurries along to the helicopter, I guess this means I'll be getting a ride back to Edge on Elena's car. Can this day get any worse?
xoxox xox xoxox
Ah, the weekend, why did it take so long for it to get here? Today, on this glorious Saturday, I slept in, which is something I never do, but I thought it would be good for me if I am to survive keeping whatever shred of sanity I might have left. I had some microwave lunch and sat around in the tub full of warm water in my little apartment in the basement of the Shinra Headquarters.
Then there was knocking on my door, followed by Tseng's voice calling my name. Surely the leader of the Turks would not disturb me unless there was an emergency. "Coming!" I dry myself as fast as possible, thrown on my extra uniform, which I found in a box at my door yesterday, and rush to open the door, while still hastily towel drying my hair. "What's the emergency, sir?"
"Emergency?" Tseng laughs, "there is no emergency, did you forget? We were supposed to go look at houses today." This must have been arranged by Reno after my comment about leaving the basement. I stood frozen, the damp towel slipping out of my hands. A minute passed, neither of us moving, until Tseng picked up the towel, "you dropped this."
"Thank you," I managed to mutter. I am not in the mood to go out, but I did say I wanted to move out of Shinra's basement, and I do, so without further ado, I follow Tseng out of Shinra HQ and to his car.
xoxox xox xoxox
I feel uneasy getting into a car after my experiences with Elena, however, I remind myself that this is Tseng and fortunately I really didn't have anything to worry about. The drive is so smooth that I don't even feel like I'm moving, despite the speedometer steadily remaining in the triple digits. If not for the rapidly passing scenery, I would guess it's wrong.
We come to a smooth stop in front of a tall wall and Tseng reaches out to scan a card through an electronic reader, then the tall gates open and we drive in. "We'll start with the economical options and work our way up until you find something you like. Don't worry, I have some experience in buying houses, I can tell when the architecture is good."
This is a private neighborhood in the richest part of Edge, but I don't want an expensive house. If this is the most economical option, this is going to be a long day.
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Step 16: Living Space
Tseng and I have gone from one large house to another, to tall elegant buildings and mansions of all sizes, making me conclude that Shinra once controlled the economy of the entire world and possibly still does. Their goal in the past had not been taking over the world, but rather slowly and as smoothly as possible, showing the world that the take over had already happened and making them accept it.
That has changed to slowly letting go of the world. Setting it down gently to walk on it's own like an inexperienced toddler, without letting go of its hand abruptly, because that would cause a inevitable fall. I surprise myself with the metaphor, maybe it came from the fact that I feel like a child being dragged around town accompanying his father on boring errands.
"I want to go home," I express simply and calmly, sharp but not harsh. Then it occurs to me that I do not know for sure where home is for me, if it even exists. The Shinra basement is the closes thing, but that's not exactly how most would define a home.
"One more place, all of them have been good, I can tell you for sure, but if you didn't like them..." Tseng paused, then continued reassuring me, "Rufus owns houses-"
"Mansions," I interrupt.
"Mansions," Tseng concedes, "in all those neighborhoods, and in the smaller ones that actually have houses, either he or I own a place. Let's visit one more building; I have a small apartment there, not as spacious as the other places, but it's nice. I'm sure you'll like the apartments in this building."
"What I really want is..." I pause, all thoughts of my ideal little house exiting my mind to make room for thoughts of my needed residence. I should have known this isn't about what I want, but about what I need. The Turks or Rufus, and consequently the Turks, have connections with all the places we have visited. They can be there, keeping an eye on me, stopping me from setting the place on fire if I lose my mind, they can guard me.
"Yes?" Tseng encourages me to continue, looking a bit concerned with my sudden silence, the look on my face, I imagine, must be blank, and anything other than a calm and focused look can be taken as a bad sign.
"Of the places that you are familiar with, is this apartment you speak of the smallest? Is it close to Shinra Headquarters?" I inquire with growing interest. For a moment, I think it might be easier on the Turks if I stay at Shinra, but then I dismiss the thought, if someone must be on stand by, guarding me, they might as well do it from the comfort of a nice apartment, instead of staying at Headquarters.
"Yes, you'll have no trouble walking to work and it's a very quiet and calm place. There is this apartment that's unoccupied, the second to last floor in the building. I own the apartment on the last floor and the one below is owned by Reno," I frown at Tseng's words, "but don't worry, he's never there. He lives somewhere else and only uses this apartment as storage space for his collection of video games. He comes and goes to leave games he finished and take games he wants to replay, but he doesn't stay long enough to be noisy or annoying."
"In that case, I want to see that apartment."
xoxox xox xoxox
I am now the owner of a portion of empty space in between spaces owned by Tseng and Reno, though if the first had not assured me that the latter would not be my neighbor I wouldn't have agreed to it. Furthermore, Tseng proved his point by making use of the spare key Reno left with him incase he lost or forgot his own key, to show me the inside the Reno's apartment.
The place was full of boxes stacked on top of each other. Some were tossed aside, the contents spilled on the floor, a multitude of disks. I imagine Reno must have been trying to find a specific disk and his lack of organization made it difficult. In short, there was simply no space left to live in, despite the apartment being larger than a regular house. Reno would have to find another place to store future additions to his collection of video games soon.
The fact still stands that my new apartment has no furniture, thus I cannot move into it right away. I have been using borrowed furniture at Shinra, some of it small and uncomfortable, other spacious but old and worn.
My little apartment in the basement of headquarters was thrown together quickly with the things they found in the storage room. Let's just say they were put away for a reason, not in bad enough conditions to be thrown away without Shinra being called wasteful and not good enough to keep around, yet also not flashy and attention-catching enough to donate.
xoxox xox xoxox
After a long day, Tseng gave me a ride back to Shinra Headquarters. I thanked him for the help and tried to take some time to relax. I was sitting in my room at the basement, reading the Shinra newspaper, when I heard someone at the door. At least this time I didn't need to run out of the bathroom, with dripping wet hair, so I simply set the paper aside and hurried to open the door.
"Hi!" Elena greeted me cheerfully.
"Hello," I wondered what she was doing here.
"Tseng told me about the apartment; I'm here to help you pick some furniture, decorate it and all that fun stuff. Let's go, let's go!" Elena tugs on my arm and absorbed in dismay filled shock, I go along with her.
"You don't have to," I try to get out of this. I am not looking forward to Elena's driving and I dread to imagine going shopping with her. I haven't known her for long, but I've known her long enough to know how talkative she is. I have a feeling that this furniture shopping trip will traumatize me.
"It's okay; I want to help and guess what? Cloud and Tifa are coming!" Elena didn't actually give me the opportunity to guess, not that I would have guessed something like that anyway.
"Cloud?" Tifa isn't a problem as long as she doesn't find out who I really am, as I clearly remember burning down her home town and vaguely remember injuring her. However, Strife and I have a certain history that is not easily forgotten and I'm still frustrated about what happened the last time I saw him.
"Yeah, Barret is visiting and the kids are staying with him. Tifa said she really needed a new dresser because hers is old and falling apart. She's bringing Cloud along to help her pick, but if you ask me, I think she's just using it as an excuse to spend more time with him because everyone knows she has a crush on him. When she heard I offered to help you pick your furniture, she suggested that we all go together, I called her after Tseng called me to share the news of your new apartment."
What can I say? Gossip travels fast and it seems Elena and Tifa are the main information links when it comes to news traveling back and forth between Shinra and the former Avalanche, though I have no doubts that Reno has a big mouth as well. I also have no doubts a disaster is rapidly approaching.
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Pepsi. The power and responsibility quote in Step 11 is from Spiderman and the gravity room was inspired by Dragon Ball Z. The idea of painting Kalm red was inspired by the Shinra blogs where I play Reno. Special thanks to Cherri, who plays Sephiroth.
Sephiroth's Point of View
Step 09: Bang your Head
I find myself having trouble fighting the irresistible need to bang my head against the dashboard as Elena speeds away, driving like a maniac. From what I've heard, Reno's driving is worse and though I find that hard to believe, I will make a mental note never to get on a car if Reno is driving. If his driving truly is worse than this, it could even kill a Soldier.
I survived the tedious task of measuring myself, it was very annoying, but I took it like a Soldier, or I should say Turk. Fortunately, Elena assured that the uniform would be the standard design for the Turks, so that puts me at ease in terms of the possibility of it being influenced by Darla's taste in her personal attire. Rufus really needs to get a new tailor.
"It was a really good thing that I was assigned this mission," Elena rambles on endlessly. "Because I don't even want to think about poor Tseng being near that woman. Rude would have the best chance of survival from the three of them, but I could almost see him twitch last time he had to deal with her, I'm sure he nearly had a nervous breakdown and that's saying a lot for Rude. I bet Reno would get distracted by some random thing or only try to save himself and he wouldn't have protected you properly. But don't worry, you're safe with me."
That dashboard is looking more and more tempting by the second, attracting my head like a magnet. I force myself to look away from the dash and to Elena, then mutter a barely audible, "thank you." Apparently I'm a fragile creature who needs to be protected because I haven't been through Turk training.
"I heard you were moving out of the basement, good for you. Tseng is helping you pick a place and I volunteer to help you pick the furniture. We should all go shopping together; it'll be so much fun!" The desire to bang my head continues to increase.
xoxox xox xoxox
After we arrived at headquarters we went to see Rufus, who was working on some accounting. I took the opportunity to mention my concerns. "Sir, if I may ask, is there a reason to withhold the funds Shinra has been providing?" I've always been told I should cut the small talk and be direct.
Rufus barely looks up from his desk, "I thought you might notice something. It's being done how it needs to be done, there's no need for you to worry about it."
"But the people need this help and it's not fair that you are living in riches while others are..."
"Shut up!" I fall silent; it seems I hit a sensitive spot. Rufus glares, "listen carefully, I'm trying to do the right thing and make it so people are not dependant on Shinra, history will repeat itself if they are. I can't save them, they have to save themselves and the only way they'll learn to be independent is if they need to be independent. The economy won't prosper if everyone sits down to wait for the next paycheck from good old Shinra to arrive. They have to learn not to count on us so that they can count on themselves."
I'm starting to see the logic behind this, don't give me a fish, instead, teach me how to fish; as the old saying goes. Maybe accusing Rufus was my own cheap excuse to find faults in someone else and by comparison reduce the gravity of my own flaws.
Rufus takes a deep breath, "don't do that! Don't give me that sad look, it's annoying. Go away, you look pitiful!"
Did I truly look that sad just now? I suppose the realization that I am in a league of my own in terms of vast need for unattainable redemption does feel quite harsh. "Excuse me, sir."
I exit the office, walk down the hall and proceed to bang my head against the wall. I continue the motion until I feel a hand pull my head back and do not resist. I turn to see Rude, the only one tall enough to reach the top of my head if he stretched his arm. He shakes his head in disapproval then speaks a firm, "no," as if he were scolding a puppy.
I step back from the wall and study Rude's expression; it's as unreadable as ever, though I'm fairly certain he must think I'm insane. I hate to think I gave him a good enough reason to come to that conclusion. For a second I snapped and the truth is I'm worried it will happen again with worse consequences. "I..."
Rude nods, then gives me a supportive pat on the shoulder. Does he understand? He is Reno's partner after all; he must know what it's like to be driven to the edge of his sanity. I can't tell if Rude is only pretending to be supportive because that's part of his job and he truly believes I'm a lost cause, or if he actually understands where I'm coming from.
"Coffee," I mutter, then walk past him and head towards the coffee machines. Rude doesn't try to stop me.
xoxox xox xoxox
I find my anxiety subsiding when my mind is occupied in the simple task of making coffee. The scent becomes more noticeable and I find it calming. I remember drinking coffee with Angeal and Genesis after training in the winter. I close my eyes and take in the scent, tuning out all senses except that one and basking in the memory of my last winter with my two best friends.
That was a mistake. I'm harshly thrown back into reality when the coffee machine blows up, soaking me and the surrounding area with scorching hot coffee which actually makes me yell, more so in surprise and frustration than in pain.
Albeit it has no number on it, I realize that this must be coffee machine number eight, the one Reno tinkered with, the one Elena warned me about. I lowered my guard and it led to disaster. If not because Rude came and guided me to the locker room, I would have started banging my head against a wall again.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 10: Trapped
I feel claustrophobic. Ironically, the sensation isn't due to the enclosed space of the small shower, or the icy cold water raining upon my head. I feel trapped in my own body; I'm a prisoner of being me.
I don't know how long I've been in here, I lost track of time. Nobody has come to occupy the neighboring showers. I can picture Rude standing at the door, shaking his head at anyone who approached the locker room. I'm thankful to be alone, but at the same time, I feel guilty to be considered dangerous. I'll just try to tell myself that I'm not being avoided, I'll delude myself into thinking that coincidentally, no one needs to take a shower or get anything from the locker room right now.
I hear footsteps, followed by the sound of a locker door. There are two distinct sounds, a pair of shoes being thrown aside. There is silence, though I catch the faint sound of fabric, which normal people would miss; more footsteps, softer than before, barefoot. Another shower comes to life and I don't know who is in it, but I'm relived to know I'm not considered dangerous enough for the showers to be closed off.
I take a deep breath and decide to leave. I shut off the shower, take my towel and dry off, wrapping the towel around my waist. Thankfully, though the showers are still quite small, the door opens towards the outside. When I was in Soldier the shower doors opened towards the inside, making it difficult to close them and even harder to get out.
I dress and I'm ready to leave before the unknown man is even out of the shower. I hold no curiosity for his identity, thus I head out and find that, unlike I had expected, Rude is not guarding the door. For a moment I wonder if that was Rude back there in the shower or if he has truly left me unguarded. I pace around unsure of what to do next.
"Yo Seph, have you seen Rude?" Reno emerges from the locker room.
"He was here before..." I should be glad he didn't feel I needed constant surveillance from a Turk, but at the same time I feel uneasy. Maybe I do need to be constantly watched.
"He always hears about stuff first. He's quiet but he has all the information," Reno sounds as if I should already know what he is referring to. He takes my silence as a lack of knowledge about whatever he is alluding to and elaborates, "did you see it? That hole in the wall? I thought it was weird and since Rude always knows what's going on, I was going to ask him. Unless you know what that's about."
"A hole in the wall," I repeat incredulously, this can't be happening. "At the end of the hall from the president's office?"
"Yeah! What happened?" Reno is full of curiosity and I don't feel like sharing the earlier occurrences.
"I'm not sure," this isn't entirely a lie.
"Maybe it's just some small renovations," I'm relived Reno actually managed to come up with a reasonable theory.
This will hopefully signify the end of the topic concerning the hole I made on the wall with my head, without even realizing it. I don't even want to think about whoever might have been at the other side of that wall witnessing the event.
Just as Reno is walking off somewhere and I'm thinking about hanging out in the training room for the rest of the day, I notice something odd. "What is that on the floor?" I cannot stop myself from asking.
"Huh?" Reno looks back at me, then at the floor. "It's cookie dough." He is completely casual when saying this, yet the cookie dough footprints are anything but normal.
"Cookie dough?"
"Yeah, Shinra sends someone to help make cookies every week and it was my turn. I tripped and fell into this huge tub of cookie dough."
I'm starting to realize that maybe the Turks are not so normal after all. If Elena's violent episodes and Rude's absolute silence didn't give it away, Reno's odd ability to be amused by troublesome things should. I wonder if Tseng has some normalcy in him.
I shake my head hopelessly, "one more thing... Do not tinker with the coffee machines or I might have to kill you."
"This I have to see!" Reno has the audacity to laugh, then bolts towards the data room, seemingly determined to obtain the security video depicting my unfortunate catastrophe.
"Reno, if you don't delete it I really will kill you!" He's not listening to me and I wonder if it's good or bad that my threat isn't taken seriously. As much as I want to change my ways, there are certain limits that shouldn't be crossed. I decide not to chase after him, let him seal his own fate.
I see Tseng walking in my general direction. He glances at the cookie dough footprints disapprovingly. "Why couldn't he take a shower before giving his report?" I assume he is muttering about Reno. Then he looks at me and searches for signs of something, I'm not sure what. "Good to see you made it back safely," if he recognizes the danger of Darla he insane tailor and Elena's crazy driving, then maybe Tseng is the normal one of the group. Then he gives me the news, "we will be having a group training session in fifteen minutes. All Turks are to report to the training room."
"Yes, sir," it comes out automatic, but brings along a strange sensation. I'm a Turk now; it's just barely starting to truly sink in.
Tseng could have just sent me a message with this information, so I can deduce that delivering the message in person had other purposes. I wonder if he really wanted to know if I am in good health after my trip, or if he was wondering if I am sane enough to train with the other Turks without causing any accidents. I suppose I should get used to people being cautious, perhaps they should be.
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Step 11: Training
I childishly place my hands over my ears and hum loudly to myself. I do not wish to hear Reno's voice in his one way gossip with Rude, if the redhead is talking about me and my coffee machine incident, I might kill him.
Tseng taps me on the shoulder and gives me a look that says he suspects I'm insane all over again and in all honesty, I can't blame him. I rub my temples with my fingers and mutter, "headache," as a feeble excuse for my strange behavior.
"If you're not feeling up to it, you don't need to participate in the training," Tseng assures.
"It's alright, I think it'll make me feel better," despite my situation, I refuse to run away from a challenge. The challenge here isn't the training itself, but the possibility of having a training battle and being paired up against Reno, he would be especially hard not to kill.
"Alright, everyone inside the training chamber," Tseng commands and Reno's chatter ceases as he, Rude and Elena follow after Tseng and me into the training chamber.
There is no artificial landscape or display of advanced holographic technology, all we see is the chamber as it is in reality, then I feel it, the pull of gravity. It's strange and at first I assume I'm imagining it, until Reno's goggles slip off his forehead and on top of his nose, triggering the start of a story about how one time he dropped his goggles while training and accidentally stepped on them, so he will wear them this way now, since there is less of a possibility of dropping them.
With the broken silence a torrent of comments is unleashed as Elena speaks of how gravity makes her hair flat and proceeds to finger it. Tseng fished around for an item in his pockets, which is revealed to be something to hold back his hair with, when he finds it he ties his hair in a low ponytail.
The gravity really is stronger here. "Okay, let's do the usual warm up exercises." Though it looks like they're not paying attention, as soon as Tseng makes the announcement, the other Turks are stretching their limbs to the limit and bending at impossible angles.
I watch what Tseng is doing; he is the leader after all, and try to mimic the movements, only to find I lack the mobility to do so in this small suit. With an indignant ripping sound, my pants give up and I fall in a sitting position, feeling the full effects of the enhanced gravity. Needless to say, this is terribly embarrassing and the Turks are making an inhuman effort not to laugh their heads off at my predicament, all save for Reno who is just about choking with laughter and if he doesn't, I might choke him myself.
Tseng clears his throat and Reno clasps both hands over his mouth in a futile effort to silence his amusement. "Maybe you should wear your Soldier clothes until your new suit is ready."
I nod in silence, eyes fixed on the floor. When I peek up wondering if the right moment will arise when I can get up with minimal humiliation, I catch a glimpse of Tseng making a circular motion with his finger in the air. Then all the Turks obediently turn around with their backs to me and I make my swift escape, hastily dashing to the locker room.
xoxox xox xoxox
Though I would much rather go hide, having lost a considerable amount of the pride I used to have in the old days, as if the shame of having threatened to destroy the planet while crying for my mother wasn't enough to obliterate it completely, I returned to the training room with my Soldier clothes.
The warms up was resumed, apparently they waited for me, aware that I am not familiar with the routine, thus wouldn't know what exercises I'm required to do. I find this to be quite a challenge and though I don't feel weaker, I start to fear that I am.
Perhaps it's not that I've lost my strength, but rather I am used to using strength for the most part, with skill handling the masamune and a good amount of speed. Flexibility and the agility to swiftly crawl through anywhere unnoticed was not part of my Soldier training.
Soldiers make their presence known; they were in the past the destructive force of Shinra, though I didn't see it that way at the time. Turks are sneaky and secretive, quiet and lethal, instead of noisy and threatening. The arrival of a soldier, once the battle starts, becomes obvious and the enemy may retaliate but would be overpowered.
The trick to being a Turk, I think, is that their arrival and departure is never known and the enemy, even one capable of overpowering the Turks in physical combat, wouldn't acknowledge their presence until their mission has already ended.
Somehow I'm fascinated at the prospect of gaining new abilities and skills. Though I tell myself not to be tempted, because I do not trust myself to be capable of prudently handling too much power. I once heard someone say, I think it was Angeal, 'with great power comes great responsibility.'
Then I hear a loud crack and though I feel no pain, the noise makes me wince. My clothes are not torn this time, but my bones are noisier than they should be, as if they're not used to being twisted and stretched this way, and they're not. I stand up straight ignoring the sound, despite a few giggles escaping Elena; she had been fighting with her laugher since the unfortunate incident with my pants, unable to eradicate it completely. Reno lets out a loud laugh, but I'm not surprised so I manage to ignore it.
"That's a good warm up everyone," Tseng concludes, "now let's turn the gravity up and-"
"Play?" Reno inquires, in a tone similar to that of a child who has been promised a trip to the park.
"Yes, we'll do that exercise," Tseng goes to the controls and turns the gravity up, while Reno runs off, returning after fetching a volleyball.
I feel the pull of gravity increase considerably. I had no idea the Turks' training was this rigorous and it sinks in that despite my strength, I barely have the flexibility to keep up. This is a challenge, I have room to improve, something to focus on. Perhaps despite all the difficulties, I will enjoy being a Turk after all.
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Step 12: Memories
Even if it's a simple game of volleyball, it feels productive; the required fast movements combined with the increased gravity, will no doubt have a beneficial effect. I'm actually having fun with this training.
After the game, it was time for some serious training, as Tseng informed. "The president wants to know if you have maintained your previous Soldier level, so if you're feeling ready, all of us will fight you at once. If you want to stop, just say so."
"Alright..." Is Tseng trying to tell me, 'stop before you kill us'? It's not like me, but I'm worried and nervous. Then again, I suppose I do have my reasons to worry, though there will be no weapons involved in this combat exercise.
We all take battle stances and the Turks suddenly go on the attack, wasting no time. Reno runs towards me as if to punch me, but he misses terribly and my eyes automatically follow his false attack, only to turn around too late to avoid Tseng and Rude's dual kicks. I step back, Elena trips me as I do, and I fall flat on my back. This was all part of their plan and each of them played their part. Good team work, trustworthy comrades... I feel odd.
All four Turks continue on the attack, beating me like a punching bag, it's annoying. I push them away as I feel the anger rising. They get up and run towards me again. I see fire that isn't truly there, it's burning all around me, I see Nibelheim reduced to ashes and I freeze up.
I feel pain, I don't know if it's physical or not. I hear voices, false voices of terrors of the past and real voices of the Turks, but I can't tell them apart. Suddenly my vision blurs and I no longer see the fire, just darkness and cold silence.
"Stop it!" A voice rings out crystal clear and I open my eyes. A blur pushes the other four blurs away. "You call this training? The poor guy probably can't even stand up in this gravity. Just because he looks like Sephiroth doesn't mean he's as strong as Sephiroth!"
"Why are you here?" Tseng's voice remains collected.
"To deliver this disk, it's a report from the WRO. I heard something and was curious; it's a good thing I came," is that Strife?
"Reeve could just email this stuff; he just wants to give you work." No one confirms nor denies Reno's comment.
"We may regret granting you access to this floor, though our training sessions have been mutually beneficial in the past; you are not to interrupt Turk business."
"Don't give me that, Tseng," I think that is Strife, it sounds like him. "I never thought you would allow everyone to pick on the new guy at Shinra and especially not participate yourself. If you're planning to train this guy to be a Turk, you have to keep him alive and in one peace."
Just as everything comes into focus, Cloud pulls me to my feet, throwing my arm over his shoulder as one would help a person who cannot walk on their own, and gets me out of the training chamber. I'm so shocked I remain limp. That idiot, if I were a normal man, he could have just about killed my spine. Even I know not to move a person who has been supposedly injured.
"Are you okay? C'mon say something!"
I've been placed on a chair outside the training chamber, my numbness fades away and I clench my fists and glare at Cloud, fighting a losing inner battle against the need to kill him.
Tseng quickly jumps into action. "Elena, take care of Cloud, Rude, we'll handle him," by him I take it Tseng means me. "Reno, just stay out of the way."
"Wha... hey!" Reno's complaint is ignored as Tseng and Rude drag me away. Reno follows against Tseng's wise order.
"We're taking him to the infirmary," Tseng lies.
"I'm going too," Cloud is feeling suicidal.
"Wait, you can't!" Elena frets, unsure of what to do.
"I'm going!" Cloud steps around her.
"No!" Elena rushes in front of Cloud and the last thing I see, she's launching a surprise attack with her ice materia at the unsuspecting Cloud. The Turks probably all had their materia just in case. Of course they wouldn't take the risk of being completely unarmed with me around.
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"Kill Strife..." I break free from Tseng and Rude's hold and punch a wall, leaving a hole in it.
"Kill! Kill! Kill!" I can't control my words or my actions. Why am I even trying so hard? It's not like I can clear my name anyway, this is all useless.
"Seph, calm down! You don't have to throw such a tantrum!" Reno interferes. I grip his forearm, as if to lift him and throw him, but then I stop when someone else arrives in the hall where we stand.
"Sephiroth!" A loud scolding voice, there stands the president, no doubt lured over by the commotion I'm making. "Stop that, this is no way to deal with your frustrations!"
There he is, Rufus Shinra, but he looks like someone else. Those words trigger something in my memory. I wasn't destroying walls back then, but Director Lazard scolded me in the same way. Genesis was ill and I didn't understand what was happening, I didn't know why I couldn't help him. Even before the incident in Nibelheim, I questioned my existence.
The happenings at the Nibelheim reactor alone couldn't have pushed me over the edge. I suspected I was different; I was just waiting for the confirmation. I was waiting for the proof that would make it impossible for my denial to continue.
Back then, Lazard told me that blaming myself wouldn't do any good. I couldn't take it anymore and told him how frustrated I was that I couldn't help Genesis, that I was treated differently, that I didn't fully understand what I was. But he told me to stop it, because blaming myself wasn't going to help me deal with life's trials.
Then his voice softened, he said I should see him as a friend too and that it was alright to speak of what I thought and felt; that I shouldn't keep it bottled up. I suspected that Lazard had his own set of problems, questions and mysteries, I should have asked, but I was too absorbed in my own thoughts. In the end I couldn't help him either.
Even with his own burden to bear, Lazard smiled reassuringly and said, "it'll be alright."
"Lazard?" I woke up from my daze and realized that this was not Lazard standing in front of me. It was Rufus echoing his words. I shook my head. Lazard is dead, just like Genesis and Angeal. "Rufus Shinra," I had to say the name to convince myself of his identity. "I..." my head hurts, "I'm sorry about this."
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Step 13: Stressful Envy
Tseng, Reno and Rude let out a collective sigh, while Rufus massages his aching temples. I wonder if he was bothered by me calling him Lazard, there is a resemblance and I have heard the rumors of Lazard being an illegitimate Shinra. Either way, it seems Rufus has decided to ignore my little slip off in terms of the name, though my behavior I'm sure is inexcusable.
"Get off me!" Cloud's cry makes us all look towards me. His sword is absent and Elena is riding on him piggyback, covering his eyes with one hand and pulling his hair with the other. "Get off!" He hops around like a wild rodeo horse, trying to throw Elena off, but her legs are firmly wrapped around him and she doesn't fall.
At least I'm not the only one being humiliated today and despite Cloud's good intentions I still think he deserves worse. Just who does he think he is playing Mr. Hero, going around helping people, I don't need help and I could do more to help those who do need help. I frown and glare, clenching my teeth and fists, but before my anger breaks lose, Tseng and Rude are at my sides, prompting me to walk with them.
We must look silly walking side by side, arm in arm, with me literally shaking with the rage that's so hard to control and the Turks struggling to keep me walking in the right direction, pulling me along. We look like three drunken buddies, leaning on each other for support, but the reality is quite different.
I vaguely hear Reno say something about a green eyed monster, my eyes are green indeed and I know I became a monster after I was convinced that's what I was, but I try to ignore him. I close my eyes and let the Turks guide me, trying to make my body pose no resistance, though I don't feel I can make it completely listen right now.
The next thing I know I'm being pushed down and I open my eyes. Regardless of my past, I'm not ready to be strapped into a bed in an infirmary, or hospital, or mental facility. I growl and throw Tseng and Rude off. Then I notice where I am, this isn't the infirmary, nor is it a detention facility. This is the relaxation area, and they were trying to push me down on a massage table.
I raise my hand as a signal for them to stop, then take a deep breath and count to ten. My head is pounding, my eyes are irritated, my mouth is dry, my ears are ringing, and though I do not have a mirror to see my face, I assume my expression must be frightening. The massage therapist stares at me for a long moment before she bursts into tears, as if she's seen a nightmare come to life before her eyes, and runs away.
My harsh breaths even out, my face turns serious, my eyes no longer sting and my ears stop ringing. Mmy mouth is still dry and my throat aches, my voice coming out rough, "sorry."
Tseng shakes his head, "she's gone."
"She's not coming back, is she?" Reno inquires the obvious. "Aw man, I could have used a massage."
Rude stares at Tseng, as if communicating a message I cannot perceive. Tseng understands and shakes his head, but Rude nods, then Tseng sighs, "alright."
"Coat," Rude requests and I take off my coat and hand it to him. Are they getting another massage therapist, one that's not terrified of me? "Lay down."
I do as Rude says without question, laying on the massage table. I think I heard Tseng grumble, "I can't believe I'm doing this," then a pair of hands are on my stressed shoulders. I stiffen at first, then force myself to go limp until I relax.
I've never had a massage before, I never liked letting people touch me. Even now it's odd, very odd, but I guess Tseng is just trying to help. I wonder if he does this for all the other Turks or maybe just Elena. I wonder how far their trust goes and how deep their friendships are. Are the Turks that much closer to each other than Angel, Genesis and I were? Probably...
xoxox xox xoxox
There is a crunching sound that brings me back to the world of the conscious. I must have dozed off or at least I think I did, unless Tseng pushed a pressure point on the back of my neck and knocked me out. No, that can't be, it only works on movies and I would have noticed if he tried, even if I was distracted.
It's dark and when I sit up and the coat over my head falls, I realize that someone had put my coat over me, blocking the bright lights. I put the coat back on and stare at the source of the crunching sound with curiosity. I'm still tired, mentally exhausted, even if I'm physically rested. "Reno, why in the world are you eating burnt rice?"
"It's not burnt, it's just crunchy." There is a pot on the floor next to him, an electric pot, its long cord plugged to the wall. A bowl and spoon are sitting atop the lid. "Do you want some? It's an exotic tropical dish called pegao." Reno puts down his bowl and starts filling mine before I can refuse. "It's supposed to mean sticky, or something like that."
I look at the crunchy rice in the bowl Reno handed me, "this is not sticky." All the opposite, it's dry and crunchy, yet it has a singular taste to it that is, "good..."
"Isn't it? Do you want to put ketchup in it?" Reno picks up the bottle that had been behind the pot and offers it to me.
"I suppose," I should be open to try new things and if I focus on experimenting with my food, I might push away the stress that's still eating me.
"That's cool, Elena always complains because I put ketchup on everything. Like it's any of her business, I'm the one eating it and I never say anything about her mustard obsession."
Hearing Elena's name reminds me of the scene with Cloud and I have to ask. "Is Strife gone?"
"Yeah, he's gone. He came in here and made a fuss, but you were passed out at the time. We told him you were just relaxing and he believed it. Elena ripped out some of his hair though, it was priceless! I caught it on video, do you want to watch?"
"No," even if he's being humiliated on the video, I simply do not wish to look at Cloud's face right now. I don't know how I managed to control myself before or what's come over me now. "What do you mean I was passed out?"
"Unconscious, Leader freaked out because he was giving you a massage and you suddenly went limp and cold, but your pulse and breathing were normal, so we figured you were okay, just stressed."
I nod, but I am not okay and for someone like me, being stressed is far too dangerous.
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Step 14: Regret
It's a new day and though I was informed I could take the day off if I was feeling indisposed, by that I'm sure Tseng meant to say mentally unstable, even if he's far too polite to word it so directly, I decided that I will report to work after all.
I am greeted by Rude when I enter the Turks' office, who instead of saying hello, simply nods quietly and hands me a box. The box contains my new Turk uniform; that was fast. I thank Rude and give a polite greeting to the other Turks, who answer with a variety of replies ranging from "good morning" to "yo", then excuse myself to go try on my new uniform.
Fortunately, the suit fits perfectly and I find it surprisingly easy to move around in it. I still feel a bit odd without the weight of my armor, but it's alright, I can get used to this. I am no longer a soldier who stands firm and breaks down walls, I'm a Turk who moves fast and jumps over walls. It's like going from samurai to ninja in a way, though I'm not sure the comparison fully fits, given Shinra's history with Wutai, which reminds me of my days as a Soldier and... I'm not going down this path of thoughts again.
I focus on the present, Tseng is explaining something about community service and I am assigned to help Reno. At first I am in disbelief, though I do not protest, as I believe it's not my place, I thought Tseng had more sense than that. Then I realize the arrangement is inevitable. Reno got the easiest job with the least media coverage because he's such a clumsy troublemaker and I was given the same assignment because I'm... well... not fully myself sometimes. It can't be helped; I'm stuck going with Reno to paint a building at Kalm.
While I'm contemplating my terrible fate, though I still dare not complain, I finally realize Elena had been talking to me, I had been too focused on imagining the bad day that awaits me to notice before. I'm not sure what she was saying, but I nod and she smiles, directing me towards a chair where I sit, wondering what in the world did I agree to do.
My worries ease when I realize that I didn't agree to anything too terrible. Elena simply wanted to brush my hair, which I suppose I could endure, though I do not particularly enjoy it. She ties it into a high pony tail and smiles proudly. "Your hair is so pretty, now it won't get in the way when you're painting."
I mutter a "thanks," and leave it at that.
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The sun is shining in the town of Kalm, my work has barely started and I'm already having trouble putting up with it, not because of the work itself but because of my assigned teammate. I wonder if Tseng was secretly trying to test my patience, I also wonder why Rufus allows me to continue being with the Turks, why Tseng agrees to it and why Reno can't be less sloppy. He talked non-stop on the way here by helicopter, then continued talking when we unloaded the equipment and started painting, he is still talking now.
No one in Kalm recognizes me as anything more than a Turk, at least that's one less problem to worry about, but Reno is problem enough. We're painting his building, of a purpose unknown to me, red, a very bright and irritating red which matches his hair as well as the drops of paint that are all over my new suit and my previously clean face and hair, thanks to Reno's sloppy painting next to me. "Why don't you paint the wall on the other side?"
"Cause then you'll have no one to talk to on this side," Reno acts as if he firmly believes his presence is a good thing, yet he is far from pleasant. He's a nuisance that I wish the ground would swallow up, though I'm sure Aeris will kick him right out of the life stream pretty soon.
I take a deep breath and count to ten, then take off my jacket and roll up my sleeves as I would have done from the start if I knew Reno was this clumsy with paint.
"Good idea," Reno decides to copy me, though I'm sure his jacket already needs a miracle to be saved with the amount of red paint stuck to it.
Then I notice something when he rolls up his sleeves, there's a bandage on his forearm and a flashback invades my mind. x x x "Seph, calm down! You don't have to throw such a tantrum!" Reno interferes. I grip his forearm, as if to lift him and throw him, but then I stop when someone else arrives in the hall where we stand. x x x Rufus arrived just on time, I would have thrown Reno and hurt him if Rufus hasn't calmed me down, but it seems I already hurt him. My grip must have been stronger than I realized, did I fracture his bone? "I'm sorry..."
"What for?" I feel cruel now for criticizing Reno. It's true that he is an annoyance, but he's very forgiving.
"For that," I point at the bandages.
"Oh this, you don't have to apologize, it's not your fault," though Reno assures me that I am not to blame, the possibility of his injury having taken place at a different time, in an event that does not involve me, is something I am not considering.
It has to be my fault, because it seems that every catastrophe in the world is my fault. Though I have come to dread Reno's frustrating presence, I should be thankful that he's not running away from me after what I've done and I should do something to properly apologize. I came back to the world to repay my debt, to make up for what I've done, to clean my name, to find redemption, yet so far I've only caused trouble for the Turks and Shinra. It's time for me to earn my second chance.
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Step 15: Painting Kalm Red
"What are you doing there, boy?" While I paint, I listen to the old man from Kalm talking to Reno.
"Nothing," it's the first time I've heard Reno give such a short and precise answer, I wish he would do that more often.
"I can see that, son, and let me tell you I don't like it, you should be painting with your friend over there. Isn't that what you Shinra people came here to do? Instead I find you sitting there not doing anything, that's no way to get things done, boy."
"Sir," I intervene as politely as possible, "Reno is injured."
"Reno is his name, eh? And what's your name, boy?"
"Seph-" I pale and fall silent, I can't believe my near mistake.
"Listen here Seph, your friend looks perfectly healthy to me, son. I think he's just taking advantage of your kindness to skip out on his chores. Reno is lazy."
I shake my head, "Reno is injured."
"Reno is taking advantage of you."
"Reno is very kind and forgiving," I argue, as if it was my sworn duty and it is; I was revived to atone.
"Reno is tricky."
"Reno is nice."
"Reno is irresponsible."
"Reno is a good friend."
"Reno is careless."
"Reno is considerate."
"Reno is thirsty," that last one, was not spoken by the old man or myself.
"Just a moment, I'll be right back," I'm the one who hurt Reno, so I'm the one who has to make it up to him. Just like this, one by one, I'll earn everyone's forgiveness. "Mister, please don't bother Reno, he needs time and rest to recover."
The old man shakes his head and leaves, then I leave as well, retuning with a cold drink. "Is this alright?"
Reno nods, accepting the can of Pepsi, "Thanks Seph!"
"If you need anything else, let me know," then I resume my painting.
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The sun is setting and I'm exhausted, having spent the day painting Kalm red. I can proudly declare I managed to finish all my and Reno's work. I didn't take time to rest or eat, pausing only when Reno requested another cold drink, lunch or a snack.
It was at that time when Elena arrived to see how we were doing, after having finished her own work for the day. "Wow, I see you finished the job, well done."
"It wasn't too hard," who am I kidding? Doing chores is more exhausting than taking down an army.
"Seph's my new best friend," Reno happily declares, "he offered to do my work and brought me snacks all day."
"So I heard," Elena shook her head in disapproval, "the rumor reached me as soon as I arrived in town, that the red haired Turk has enslaved the silver haired one. Stop picking on him!"
"Elena, it's fine, I don't mind. I injured Reno and it's my duty to make his life easier until he heals," I try to explain what I think is the truth.
"When did that happen?" Elena looks at Reno, but doesn't appear to find what she's looking for, though the bandages on his forearm are in plain view.
"I don't know what Seph's going on about, he keep blaming himself for this," Reno points at the bandages, "even if I told him it's not his fault."
"Of course it's not!" Elena is upset, "it's your own stupid fault. Tseng, Rude and I are always telling you not to lay on your balcony's veranda like that, but you never listen."
"There was such a nice breeze!" Reno argues, and I analyze their argument.
"Oh yes, it must have been really nice and relaxing if you fell asleep and fell off!" Elena's revelation makes my blood boil.
"All this time, your injury was not my fault." Is this karma, a punishment from the planet itself, in the shape of an annoying red head?"
"I told you so," Reno smiles and I want to knock his teeth out.
I make chocking motions in the air, imagining Reno's neck breaking between my fingers, but I suppose if I murder him and use his blood to paint the rest of Kalm red, I'll have something to feel really guilty about later. "Reno, get away from me before I kill you," I warn.
"But I thought we were best friends!"
"Now!"
Reno wisely scurries along to the helicopter, I guess this means I'll be getting a ride back to Edge on Elena's car. Can this day get any worse?
xoxox xox xoxox
Ah, the weekend, why did it take so long for it to get here? Today, on this glorious Saturday, I slept in, which is something I never do, but I thought it would be good for me if I am to survive keeping whatever shred of sanity I might have left. I had some microwave lunch and sat around in the tub full of warm water in my little apartment in the basement of the Shinra Headquarters.
Then there was knocking on my door, followed by Tseng's voice calling my name. Surely the leader of the Turks would not disturb me unless there was an emergency. "Coming!" I dry myself as fast as possible, thrown on my extra uniform, which I found in a box at my door yesterday, and rush to open the door, while still hastily towel drying my hair. "What's the emergency, sir?"
"Emergency?" Tseng laughs, "there is no emergency, did you forget? We were supposed to go look at houses today." This must have been arranged by Reno after my comment about leaving the basement. I stood frozen, the damp towel slipping out of my hands. A minute passed, neither of us moving, until Tseng picked up the towel, "you dropped this."
"Thank you," I managed to mutter. I am not in the mood to go out, but I did say I wanted to move out of Shinra's basement, and I do, so without further ado, I follow Tseng out of Shinra HQ and to his car.
xoxox xox xoxox
I feel uneasy getting into a car after my experiences with Elena, however, I remind myself that this is Tseng and fortunately I really didn't have anything to worry about. The drive is so smooth that I don't even feel like I'm moving, despite the speedometer steadily remaining in the triple digits. If not for the rapidly passing scenery, I would guess it's wrong.
We come to a smooth stop in front of a tall wall and Tseng reaches out to scan a card through an electronic reader, then the tall gates open and we drive in. "We'll start with the economical options and work our way up until you find something you like. Don't worry, I have some experience in buying houses, I can tell when the architecture is good."
This is a private neighborhood in the richest part of Edge, but I don't want an expensive house. If this is the most economical option, this is going to be a long day.
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Step 16: Living Space
Tseng and I have gone from one large house to another, to tall elegant buildings and mansions of all sizes, making me conclude that Shinra once controlled the economy of the entire world and possibly still does. Their goal in the past had not been taking over the world, but rather slowly and as smoothly as possible, showing the world that the take over had already happened and making them accept it.
That has changed to slowly letting go of the world. Setting it down gently to walk on it's own like an inexperienced toddler, without letting go of its hand abruptly, because that would cause a inevitable fall. I surprise myself with the metaphor, maybe it came from the fact that I feel like a child being dragged around town accompanying his father on boring errands.
"I want to go home," I express simply and calmly, sharp but not harsh. Then it occurs to me that I do not know for sure where home is for me, if it even exists. The Shinra basement is the closes thing, but that's not exactly how most would define a home.
"One more place, all of them have been good, I can tell you for sure, but if you didn't like them..." Tseng paused, then continued reassuring me, "Rufus owns houses-"
"Mansions," I interrupt.
"Mansions," Tseng concedes, "in all those neighborhoods, and in the smaller ones that actually have houses, either he or I own a place. Let's visit one more building; I have a small apartment there, not as spacious as the other places, but it's nice. I'm sure you'll like the apartments in this building."
"What I really want is..." I pause, all thoughts of my ideal little house exiting my mind to make room for thoughts of my needed residence. I should have known this isn't about what I want, but about what I need. The Turks or Rufus, and consequently the Turks, have connections with all the places we have visited. They can be there, keeping an eye on me, stopping me from setting the place on fire if I lose my mind, they can guard me.
"Yes?" Tseng encourages me to continue, looking a bit concerned with my sudden silence, the look on my face, I imagine, must be blank, and anything other than a calm and focused look can be taken as a bad sign.
"Of the places that you are familiar with, is this apartment you speak of the smallest? Is it close to Shinra Headquarters?" I inquire with growing interest. For a moment, I think it might be easier on the Turks if I stay at Shinra, but then I dismiss the thought, if someone must be on stand by, guarding me, they might as well do it from the comfort of a nice apartment, instead of staying at Headquarters.
"Yes, you'll have no trouble walking to work and it's a very quiet and calm place. There is this apartment that's unoccupied, the second to last floor in the building. I own the apartment on the last floor and the one below is owned by Reno," I frown at Tseng's words, "but don't worry, he's never there. He lives somewhere else and only uses this apartment as storage space for his collection of video games. He comes and goes to leave games he finished and take games he wants to replay, but he doesn't stay long enough to be noisy or annoying."
"In that case, I want to see that apartment."
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I am now the owner of a portion of empty space in between spaces owned by Tseng and Reno, though if the first had not assured me that the latter would not be my neighbor I wouldn't have agreed to it. Furthermore, Tseng proved his point by making use of the spare key Reno left with him incase he lost or forgot his own key, to show me the inside the Reno's apartment.
The place was full of boxes stacked on top of each other. Some were tossed aside, the contents spilled on the floor, a multitude of disks. I imagine Reno must have been trying to find a specific disk and his lack of organization made it difficult. In short, there was simply no space left to live in, despite the apartment being larger than a regular house. Reno would have to find another place to store future additions to his collection of video games soon.
The fact still stands that my new apartment has no furniture, thus I cannot move into it right away. I have been using borrowed furniture at Shinra, some of it small and uncomfortable, other spacious but old and worn.
My little apartment in the basement of headquarters was thrown together quickly with the things they found in the storage room. Let's just say they were put away for a reason, not in bad enough conditions to be thrown away without Shinra being called wasteful and not good enough to keep around, yet also not flashy and attention-catching enough to donate.
xoxox xox xoxox
After a long day, Tseng gave me a ride back to Shinra Headquarters. I thanked him for the help and tried to take some time to relax. I was sitting in my room at the basement, reading the Shinra newspaper, when I heard someone at the door. At least this time I didn't need to run out of the bathroom, with dripping wet hair, so I simply set the paper aside and hurried to open the door.
"Hi!" Elena greeted me cheerfully.
"Hello," I wondered what she was doing here.
"Tseng told me about the apartment; I'm here to help you pick some furniture, decorate it and all that fun stuff. Let's go, let's go!" Elena tugs on my arm and absorbed in dismay filled shock, I go along with her.
"You don't have to," I try to get out of this. I am not looking forward to Elena's driving and I dread to imagine going shopping with her. I haven't known her for long, but I've known her long enough to know how talkative she is. I have a feeling that this furniture shopping trip will traumatize me.
"It's okay; I want to help and guess what? Cloud and Tifa are coming!" Elena didn't actually give me the opportunity to guess, not that I would have guessed something like that anyway.
"Cloud?" Tifa isn't a problem as long as she doesn't find out who I really am, as I clearly remember burning down her home town and vaguely remember injuring her. However, Strife and I have a certain history that is not easily forgotten and I'm still frustrated about what happened the last time I saw him.
"Yeah, Barret is visiting and the kids are staying with him. Tifa said she really needed a new dresser because hers is old and falling apart. She's bringing Cloud along to help her pick, but if you ask me, I think she's just using it as an excuse to spend more time with him because everyone knows she has a crush on him. When she heard I offered to help you pick your furniture, she suggested that we all go together, I called her after Tseng called me to share the news of your new apartment."
What can I say? Gossip travels fast and it seems Elena and Tifa are the main information links when it comes to news traveling back and forth between Shinra and the former Avalanche, though I have no doubts that Reno has a big mouth as well. I also have no doubts a disaster is rapidly approaching.
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Pepsi. The power and responsibility quote in Step 11 is from Spiderman and the gravity room was inspired by Dragon Ball Z. The idea of painting Kalm red was inspired by the Shinra blogs where I play Reno. Special thanks to Cherri, who plays Sephiroth.