Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Reintegration ❯ Part 4 ( Chapter 4 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: MikariStar 
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.22.2012 | Pages: 6 | Words: 8.7K | Visits: 254 | Status: Completed
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.22.2012 | Pages: 6 | Words: 8.7K | Visits: 254 | Status: Completed
Reintegration
Sephiroth's Point of View
Step 24: Monster
Cloud's hair is white; it's a very dull and boring white. He tried to bleach off the pink, which he stills believes was Reno's fault alone, and failed to recover his blond. I think he plans to dye his hair again, I wish him he worse of luck.
That voice I heard in my head hasn't come back, maybe I just imagined it. Things are relatively calm at Shinra, which is a welcomed change. Then again, maybe nothing changed at headquarters, maybe I was the one who changed, becoming more tolerant of Rufus being spoiled, Tseng being a workaholic, Elena being too talkative, Reno being more insane than I ever was and Rude being... well... rude.
"Seph, look what I have!" I should say that Reno can be very rude at times, but it sounds like an ironic contradiction given the sharp contrast between Reno and Rude.
"Reno, do not shove things in people's faces," I scold as firmly, but at the same time, as gently as I can, I don't want him to throw a tantrum.
"Things?!" Great, he's throwing a tantrum anyway. "My baby is not a thing."
This catches my attention, though I'm certain the blur of red I saw was not a human child, perhaps a sort of pet. Summoning all my patience I take a deep breath, maybe I'm not used to Reno's insanity after all. "I apologize to your... baby."
"He forgives you," Reno merrily declares.
I identify the creature he's holding as a little red bird, "is that a chicobo?"
"The best chicobo in the world, he's the same color as my hair," though I'm certain Reno knows nothing about chocobos and chicobos, he sounds very much convinced that this little one is the best. "Isn't he cute?"
I stare at the little red blob, tiny enough to fit in the palm of Reno's hand. This one is quite puny, even for a new born. It stares back at me and chirps in a high pitched voice. It's very loud for such a miniature creature. "Yes, cute..." I have little knowledge of what cute is, but in general terms, I think a brightly colored, microscopic, squeaky, baby animal should fit the profile.
"I need to name him, I've been asking around for ideas, but no one has come up with a name I like and I have name block right now," Reno rambles, he does that often. "I want to name him soon; I wouldn't want the little guy to have an identity crisis."
I freeze; an identity crisis? It's not like the chicobo will grow up to be a very strange, mutant chocobo who thinks he's a monster. It's not like he'll question his existence wondering if he was created in a laboratory and mutated by mako. It's not like he'll believe he's the child of a fossil, it's not like he'll try to take over the world, it's not like he'll summon meteor. That chicobo is not a monster, but what am I? Who am I?
There's fire, there's fire everywhere, in the town and even in the reactor. There isn't supposed to be fire there. There are capsules with monsters, they're breaking out, is this truly a memory from Nibelheim? Those monsters, they look like me, they're coming towards me, but there's fire, they're catching aflame, but they keep walking towards me. No, don't come any closer, don't come, they're burning, I'm burning! "Fire! Flames! Blaze!"
These images, why now? I was fine a second ago. There's something wrong, there's something here, in this building. I can feel it, something bad is here. The president is in danger, I'm a Turk; I need to protect the president. I'm Sephiroth of the Turks, that's all I need to know, I'll focus on that. I grip my sword and run.
"Seph, come back!"
I need to get to the president, why is Reno trying to stop me? He's a Turk too; he's my ally, isn't he? Unless he's someone else in disguise; I raise my sword and the little chicobo chirps curiously, there's not a single hint of fright in his tiny feathery face. I can't hurt him.
My head hurts, I run again, I need to get to the last floor. Reno is yelling something, "emergency!" Yes, that's right, there's an emergency, a big emergency; tell the others that the Turks are needed. We have a mission, we have to protect Shinra, we have to protect Rufus, protect him from danger; protect him from the monster.
The monster, where's the monster? I made it to the last floor and kicked the door open, I'm in the president's office; he's in danger. Where's the monster? Is that it, straight ahead? I raise my sword, my eyes glowing with fury, "die!"
"Stop!" Their voices echo, Rufus, Reno, Tseng, Elena and even Rude.
Then there's another voice, a woman's voice, "please don't kill me..." She has brown hair and green eyes, watery green eyes, she's crying. "Please, don't..." She's wearing pink. "Monster, don't kill me, you terrible monster!"
I must exterminate the monster, if I don't kill him, he'll kill her; the monster will kill Aeris. I'm trembling, why? I can't hesitate, I need to kill the monster, but I'm the monster. I feel pain, a sharp stab. I look at myself, there's blood and a sword, a long sword, my sword, my Masamune. Why did I do this to myself? Is it because I'm a monster? Everything is turning dark...
xoxox xox xoxox
When I open my eyes I still feel pain, "don't move," Reno is the first to speak, they're all here. He picks up that same little chicobo from before and holds him protectively, "he made a nest with your hair while you were sleeping; I hope you don't mind."
I don't reply, my eyes go from one person to another, Reno, the chicobo, Tseng, Elena, Rude, Rufus, "Aeris?" My eyelids feel heavy, is this anesthesia? Am I tied up?
The woman retreats, "Miss Talic, please wait outside," Rufus suppressed his evident stress, trying to sound as calm as possible.
"Sir, I... Is it safe? Is it really alright to have him here?" The woman questions. She's not Aeris, not Aeris at all, but she has brown hair and green eyes and she's wearing a pink dress shirt and she has a choker with a pink rhinestone covered letter A, is that her name's initial too?
"We'll handle this," Tseng assures in Rufus' place before the president loses his cool. "Please miss, wait outside; Elena, go with her." They probably want to bribe her into silence, she's lucky this isn't the old Shinra.
Elena nods; "yes..." she gives me one last glance of sympathy before leading the other woman out of the infirmary.
My head hurts; I don't know what came over me. I almost killed that woman and I don't even know who she is, probably an innocent secretary delivering some documents to Rufus. My head really hurts.
Rufus takes a deep breath like a father scolding his child for his own good, except I don't know this from experience, because my childhood was anything but normal. I just imagine that it might be this way. "As of now, you are suspended from the Turks till further notice." I remained quiet, my eyes focused on Rufus, I'm not going to argue with his decision. "You are required to complete a special training and if your performance is satisfactory, I'll consider reinstating you to the Turks." I don't think it's a good idea for me to be around people, or to be a Turk, but I don't argue.
"I understand..." My voice is barely audible and it's a lie, I don't understand anything. Things were going well and I was finally relaxing; I was actually enjoying my life. What came over me? There was danger, I sensed it, there was definitely something wrong. Was it all just me? Is the only real problem in my head? I closed my eyes and drifted back into a nightmare infested uneasy sleep.
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Step 25: Human
My luggage is packed, though it's not much, just some clothes to wear while I'm away. I put the suitcase in the chopper and take one last look at Edge from the roof of the new Shinra Headquarters. Tseng will be coming with me to train. I look at the Turks quietly, Elena is trying to look supportive, Rude nods as if to reassure me, Reno is late, but even Rufus is here. The president's stress seems to have gone away, his expression much more serene now; somehow, he's not angry at me anymore. I'm guessing the business with the secretary went well.
"I'm here!" Reno always makes his arrival known, unless it's a secret mission, but if it's not, he assumes the world wants to know when he gets there. "Oh good, I didn't miss you two leaving. Blaze wants to say goodbye," Reno holds up the little red chicobo, its blue eyes focused curiously on the helicopter. "Seph, you're he's godfather now, because you named him."
I stare at the tiny chicobo for a long moment, "I named him..." Reno called him Blaze, but I wasn't saying those things to suggest names. I suppose the name matches the chicobo's color.
"You really need to get your work done, don't play with your pet all day," despite saying this, Tseng gently pets the little chicobo. He kisses Elena then goes in the helicopter; everyone knows they're together so there's no need to hide it.
Feeling completely silly I raise my hand and very gently pet the little bird's head. "You don't have chicobo phobia, do you?" Reno curiously asks; the question is completely serious.
"Of course not," I just don't want to hurt the little guy. I suppose this is what it's like for something to be cute, no one can bear to hurt it and everyone adores it instantly. "Goodbye..."
"See ya later Seph, I'll send pictures if anything cool happens," which means that Reno will try to play pranks while I'm gone, though he might not get too far since everyone expects it from him.
"Have a nice trip!" Elena calls out as if we're heading out on vacation. Rude watches silent and unreadable.
Rufus smiles slightly, I don't know if the president is happy to be rid of me or convinced that this training will be a success and expecting the good news soon. It's probably the second because for a fleeting moment I see Lazard reflected in Rufus, his expression confident, knowing the mission will be accomplished.
xoxox xox xoxox
As the helicopter flies I find myself staring at the ruins of old Midgar as they become more distant. "You don't have to be so gloomy," Tseng breaks the silence, "this training isn't so hard and we can take breaks if need be, there's no time limit."
"It's more complicated than that," I admit. "I don't know who I am; I thought I was okay with that but apparently not. It was as if something was controlling me through my doubts."
"You're Sephiroth of the Turks, you're a human being with Jenova cells and mako, but a human being none the less," Tseng assures.
"Can you be sure?" I further inquired; I wish I could simply accept his words.
"Yes, we have been investigating, we know your past, your origin, you're not a monster, though you were modified while still in your mother's womb, you are still human, she was human," Tseng reveals.
I pale, my eyes losing their focus on the miniature ruins lost in the distant horizon. I stare at the distance, at nothing, then I close my eyes and time passes, I don't know how much time. "My mother," I whisper after a while, "was not called Jenova."
"That was not her name," Tseng admits. "Your past was unclear, but I understand it now, all the pieces. It's not easy though, we wanted to tell you later, you have the right to know, but you shouldn't stress about it now."
"I'm human," I repeat it as if to convince myself, "mother was not called Jenova; that was a lie, I was born of a human, I was experimented on, but I was originally a human..."
"You still are," Tseng emphasizes.
I want to know more, I want to hear the whole story, to know the truth, "tell me more."
"Later..."
"Tell me!"
"Sephiroth!" I stare at Tseng; my full attention on him, his voice went from relaxed to firm; then took on a friendly reassuring tone. "You will know, you won't be lied to, but I can't tell you now, I won't give you a false excuse. The truth is the situation was difficult and there's nothing that can be done about that past now."
I take in Tseng's words. I once went very far to get revenge in the name of the one I thought was my mother. For Jenova I wanted to take over the planet and use it as a vessel to travel the cosmos after crashing a meteor into it. A crazy plan indeed, a plan of vengeance, for my mother, for my rights, for what I thought was stolen from me. Perhaps Shinra did take something away from me, the old Shinra that is. Maybe I would seek revenge again, in my real mother's name this time, but that won't lead anywhere, just to more destruction, more mistakes, more things to make up for, more regrets.
"I understand," I may long to know, yet I might not be ready to know. "I want to hear the story one day, but for now, if you can be certain that I'm human and that who ever my mother was, she was also human; that's enough."
"I assure you," Tseng's relaxed tone returned, he seems both pleased and relieved to have been able to reason with me.
"What of my father? He was human too, right?"
My question brings an unconscious frown to Tseng's face and his features harden, "yes." He seems uncomfortable with the subject, perhaps bitter. "He was a human too," he almost sounds as if he has his doubts.
"Are you sure?" I further inquire.
"I'm certain that both your parents were of the humans species, their biology was originally no different from that of a normal human," Tseng seems very uncomfortable with the subject now; he wants to end this conversation, that much is clear.
I want to ask more questions but I don't want to complicate things, just knowing I'm not a monster is enough, "is a human who has been modified truly still human?"
"Biology isn't important, it is rational thought that counts, hold on to that," Tseng replied.
Rational thought, I wonder if I can hold on to it, "I'll try." I see Cosmo Canyon in the horizon, or at least I think that's it, "Cosmo Canyon?"
Tseng seems pleased with the change in subject, "yes, we'll be there for a while, to relax, meditate and get away from everything."
"How did we get here so fast?"
"We've been flying all day, we even stopped to refuel; the sun is setting now, see? You fell asleep, remember?" Tseng spoke slowly, as if not to startle me with the information that I should have been able to gather on my own.
When I felt time pass, I didn't realize it was this much, when I closed my eyes, I didn't notice that I fell asleep. When I woke up, without realizing I was waking up, I asked about my mother as if only seconds have passed, continuing the same conversation from before. "Right," I yawn, just for show, as if to convince Tseng I'm disoriented because I'm drowsy not insane. I don't think it worked, "that was a good nap," I'm such a bad liar. I've never really been drowsy unless it's chemically induced, as for insane...
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 26: Vacation
I feel like I'm in a weekend camping trip, except it's a weekday. Tseng and I had dinner with a red wolf-like creature called Nanaki, who also used to be known as Red XIII. I only vaguely remember him traveling with the former Avalanche and their allies.
Nanaki, number XIII, is not a human, though he is very much sane and his speech is better than that of some humans I've met. Though he has a number, he seems to be doing quite well. The extent of the experiments performed on him are unknown to me, and possibly to him as well, though it's not something I would inquire about.
He's a remarkable being, supposedly the last of his kind, or at least the last that he and Shinra know of. It's easy to see he's been through many battles, but he doesn't let it get to him, so calm, so relaxed. I wonder if I was brought here to follow his example.
This doesn't feel like training at all, we sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows while Nanaki proudly told stories of his parents' bravery, mentioning that his father had fought to the end until he was turned to stone. I wish I had a heroic story to tell...
The view from Cosmo Canyon is very nice, the skies are clear and the stars shine brightly. It's a very quiet place at night when the archeologists have turned in and few people remain awake.
We stayed at Cosmo Canyon for two days. I didn't black out or go crazy during that time and I didn't hear any strange voices in my head. During our stay, we went out during the day to hunt monsters. I hesitated at first, wondering how much in common I had with those beings, but then I realized I was being paranoid. Monsters are not capable of thought like I am. Rational thought is what makes people, people, Nanaki included despite not being human.
After the light training at Cosmo Canyon, which was more mental than physical, was done, we headed out to Nibelheim. I stood at the entrance to the rebuilt ghost town, that somehow doesn't entirely feel like a ghost town and waited for something to happen, for my past to catch up to me, but there was nothing.
"How do you feel?" Tseng asked. "We can do this later."
I have to face my past sometime, I should have known this was coming, "surprisingly," I can't deny it is unexpected, "I'm aright. I mean, I have regrets, but I'm not about to go insane over it."
"Good, you may explore as you wish, the others are here, you'll run into them if you go into town," Tseng encourages, though I'm certain that they'll be watching each other's backs.
"Alright..." I walk into town and look at the water tank, then walk around it, observing the surrounding buildings. I go to the inn and find Rufus reading in the lobby. I'm surprised to see him there. He looks up from his book a little, still hiding behind it, as if he wants to pretend he's not watching. I nod reassuringly and move on, exploring upstairs.
It's amazing with how much detail the town was restored. I can almost hear Zack's footsteps running energetically up the stairs. I enter the guest room where I had stayed; everything was the same, even the color of the sheets. Deciding that I've seen enough of the inn, and thankfully none of it alarmed me beyond the understandable feeling of deja vu, I headed out again.
Tseng has gone somewhere; he's not standing guard at the entrance anymore, though I see the helicopter is still there. I examine the surrounding area again and notice another helicopter I haven't seen before, hidden behind some houses. I then choose a random house to explore.
I feel like I'm in a video game, for only there is the protagonist allowed to walk into people's private property without permission and take things, albeit only the things conveniently hidden in treasure chests can be claimed.
This house holds the scent of cookies and I follow it to the kitchen were Elena is taking a fresh batch out of the oven. She sets the new tray on the kitchen counter to cool and gets to work decorating her previous batch with frosting. "Want to try them?"
Elena had been so absorbed in her task that I thought she didn't notice my presence, "yes..." I could hardly find my voice, this situation, being in Nibelheim, a Nibelheim populated by Rufus and the Turks, is odd, yet not as alarming as I would imagine and that is the most shocking part. I take a perfectly round cookie, covered in bright yellow frosting with chocolate chip eyes and a chocolate smile; I take a bite off the top, leaving it with one eye. "Thanks..." it almost looks as if I'm talking to the cookie, thanking it for being so delicious.
"You're welcome, is it yummy?" Elena smiles; completely carefree.
"Yes, very," I truthfully reply and finish the cookie, "I'm going to look around some more..."
"Okay, have fun," Elena returns to her task of decorating the cookies with colorful frosting. I feel like a child who was given permission to play, though I'm certainly not as enthusiastic as one.
I leave the house and look around, Shinra Mansion looms as if beckoning me to approach it, challenging me to go in. I turn away from it and look towards the mountains; I don't want to go there either. Yet this is about facing my past, not hiding from it.
I approach the mansion and taking a deep breath I cross the gates and walk to the door, it's unlocked, not that it surprises me. The loud chirping from inside gives away the identity and position of the Turk in the mansion, who brought his little chicobo along. Unfortunately I can't go around Reno, since he is in my path to the secret passage leading to the basement.
"Yo!" Reno greets me casually; I expected it from him. My godchild, the chicobo named Blaze, chirps as if he recognizes me.
"Hi..." I stand there for a moment, then glance at the passage leading to the spiraling stairs.
"Going exploring? Don't read too much, books are evil," Reno is being Reno, the carefree role suits him in any situation, so it doesn't look like he's acting at all. Then again, Rufus didn't look stressed, just curious and Elena was relaxed enough.
"I'll remember that," scientific books written in such confusing ways, full of outdated information, mistaken conclusions and recordings so complex that they can be easily misinterpreted, are a danger indeed.
I head down to the basement and walk around the library, but I'm not interested in reading, I'll wait until the answers come to me, those books are just confusing anyway. I spend a few more minutes in the library, then head up again. The entire time I heard the echo of Blaze's distant chirping becoming closer as I moved back up. I wonder if it was set up on purpose to keep me in the present.
"The reactor..." I voice uncertain.
"Did you forget how to get there? It's not hard to find," Reno's reply makes me conclude that I am meant to explore the reactor after all and I need to go there alone, perhaps so that I have to rely on myself to willingly get there and so I don't feel pressured to walk at anyone else's pace.
"I'm going for a walk..." It's pretty obvious where I'm going, I don't need to say it. Reno nods and watches me go. I exit the Shinra Mansion and head to the mountains.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 27: Deception
As a get closer to the reactor my heart starts to pound. I have a bad feeling, there's something wrong. Is Rude there? I haven't seen him yet; maybe he's waiting in the reactor. He's in danger, I can feel it. Not again, I got this feeling before when I went crazy at Shinra. I also remember it from another time, from that occasion wit the yakuza, but I attributed it to the situation then and managed to control it somehow, plus it wasn't as strong, as if this force was only testing the waters.
It's strange, that time with the yakuza was being near danger but only being subconsciously aware of it. At Shinra the instinctive alert was screaming in my head and now it's different again, I'm alarmed, but I feel as if it's too late. I also know I'm being followed, but that one following me is an ally. "Tseng, are you there? Come out!"
Tseng must have read the urgency in my almost pleading voice because he wasted no time in coming out of hiding. "What's wrong?"
"Danger, in the reactor... I need to... I have to..." I feel an irresistible need to run into the reactor, but I fight against it. This isn't good, why now? Is it the place? I was fine in town.
"You don't have to do this, calm down, we can leave," Tseng tries to reason with me again.
"Go... the reactor, go!" I insist, but Tseng doesn't leave, "please go..." I focus on staying awake, staying in control, staying still.
Tseng nods, "I'll go check," he hurries in and doesn't come out.
"Tseng!"
"Rude is injured!" Tseng yells back, "stay there, I'm calling the others."
Am I too incompetent to be trusted in helping an ally? It is because I might become a threat rather than help. I involuntarily make my way to the reactor and see Tseng tending to the unconscious Rude. "Who did this?" My head hurts, it hurts so much.
Reno and Elena rush past me and I watch the scene helplessly, gripping my sword, the sword I shouldn't have been trusted with. Tseng returned it to me when we went monster hunting during our stay in Cosmo Canyon and let me keep it since then.
I throw the sword out the door, suppressing the need to go pick it up and stab someone. "Stop it... stop it! I won't let you, you can't control me!" Once again, it all went dark, but I didn't pass out despite losing my senses, I could feel my body moving, running away. I needed to get myself away from the Turks; I don't want to hurt them.
xoxox xox xoxox
Something is wet and something is shiny. I'm in a puddle near materia in its natural state. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere in the mountains near the reactor. I couldn't see before, or hear anything, I couldn't even feel anything. I'm bruised and sore, maybe I ran into some rocks, maybe I fell or maybe I started banging my head against the cave walls. I don't know, but my senses are back now at least.
"Sephiroth?" Who's talking? She's out of my view, or is the voice in my head? "My son..."
"Mother?" That can't be, I don't even know who my mother is, but why would she be talking to me in my head?
"Poor boy, you're so confused."
"Mother!" No, she's not, she can't be. "What's happening?"
"They're trying to trick you, they're brainwashing you, to use you for their purposes. Don't let them turn you into a weapon." I remember my days as a soldier, I remember the old Shinra. "It wouldn't be the first time, right?"
"It's different," I want to believe it is.
"Have you forgotten me, forgotten what they've done, what they took away? Avenge me, son!"
"I don't want to, I don't want to take revenge on the planet anymore, ask me for something else..."
"I ask you to save yourself, save yourself from Shinra..."
"Yes, mother," I closed my eyes, there's nothing interesting to look at in this cave anyway, and I dozed off.
xoxox xox xoxox
I wake up to find a ceiling that I've seen before long ago. I would wake up to this ceiling every morning when I was in Nibelheim, before I locked myself in the basement of Shinra Mansion. Except it's not really that same ceiling, because the original was burned down. My sword is propped against the wall opposite to me, but I have no temptation to reach for it at the moment. The chirping of a chicobo tells me Blaze, and most likely Reno, are near by and I turn my head to look at them. "How long was I out?"
"Oh, hey, you're awake! Everyone, Seph's awake! You were asleep for a whole day!" I watch Rude cringe at Reno's loud voice. He looks like he has a headache, but he's going to be alright, I somehow know. Rude's currently resting on the bed next to mine, with Reno sitting on a chair in between.
"Reno, you shouldn't yell so loud," Rufus entered the room accompanied by Tseng and scolded the redhead, then turned his attention towards me. "How do you feel?"
"Confused," I admitted, "I don't want to be used by Shinra and you are keeping a lot of secrets from me."
Rufus sighs exasperated, "there's no avoiding it; you're our responsibility."
"I'm not your child," I don't know whose child I am, but certainly not Rufus'.
"Of course not, but that's not the point!" Rufus is clearly frustrated. "Do you know what it's like when everyone starts seeing you as the villain even if you were the hero before? You must know what it's like and I do too. Shinra used to be good, Shinra used to be admired, Shinra used to be seen as the hero back when it wasn't. Now that we're trying to set things right, that past is all people see, even if it's over. Whatever you do, it will be blamed on me, that's why I should call Cloud Strife right now and make you his problem, but that's also why I won't. Because I know what it's like to go from hero to villain and to have the past shoved in your face. I will offer you Shinra's protection and information from your past. If you choose to believe it that is up to you. If you leave Shinra, you'll have to deal with the world on your own because we won't cover for you, there's too much at risk."
"So I'm just a mistake to clean up?" I argue back.
"How many times have you been unconscious? If I was like my father," Rufus is full of bitterness with that one word, "I would have ordered the Turks to take those opportunities, it would have worked and you know it. That's all the proof I can offer you of my sincerity."
"And if I leave?" I inquire, not losing the fire in my voice.
"Seph of the Turks will be declared dead and we will deny ever knowing anything about Sephiroth's latest return, I won't add more blame to the mountain I already have for covering for you," Rufus admits. "We'll ignore you if you don't cause trouble, but we'll have to interfere if you do. Shinra owes you, it's not completely my debt, but part of it is and I've inherited the rest, yet I also inherited a debt to the world, which I need to take care of too. If you turn into a mad man, I'll just have to stop you from staining the name of the old Sephiroth."
"What do you know about me?" I retort bitterly, though in contrast Rufus seems to have calmed down, as if he's getting all the pressure out of his system after keeping it bottled up for a long time.
He hands me the book he had been reading earlier, I didn't really pay close attention to it before. It's a medium sized dark blue book with a plain title-less cover. The pages are handwritten in black ink; it's a journal of some sort. "A tragic memento from the brother I never really knew."
I recognize the handwriting instantly; I've seen this before in notes and reports, "Lazard..."
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Step 28: Mystery
Lazard was more aware of certain things than I imagined, and more confused about others than anyone noticed. Albeit he was uncertain of what he needed to do, he had a lot of fate in us, Genesis, Angeal, Zack and I. He kept that faith even after all the things that happened with Genesis and Angeal, though he was unsure of what part he should be playing, which led to certain actions, that ultimately brought forth his end.
Back then I was the hero, I was admired and respected, but so many things were happening. I remember I didn't know what it was but I felt frustration and perhaps fear. Fear of not being able to help, fear to face the hidden truth, fear for their well being. Maybe my state was more fragile than I cared to realize and that's why I fell apart at Nibelheim back then.
I close the journal, which was left unfinished, but everyone knows the general way the story ended, though the specifics are lost. Lazard held on to one thing when everything was lost, hope for the future, even if he didn't expect to live to see it.
One would think he would be bitter towards Rufus, but though they were never close, Lazard was hopeful of the day Rufus would become president. He was hopeful that despite everything, I would remain a hero in everyone's eyes, until I found the path to become a true hero.
I hand the book back to Rufus who had been patiently waiting for me to finish reading it. He holds it like a precious treasure; something to be cherished, Lazard's wishes, his legacy, proof that he existed. "What happened?" I inquire.
"We're not sure," Tseng replies, then looks at Rude.
The usually quiet man finally speaks, "a fake," though he doesn't say much.
"Rude was attacked by a copy of you," Tseng elaborates.
"A copy?" This is alarming news, but I try not to show it, "a remnant?"
"Possibly," Tseng admits.
"How could I lose control of my own body of thoughts? I don't feel them, those parts of me, I should sense them." This is too complicated, it doesn't make sense.
"Right now we know very little, it could be someone else entirely, a Sephiroth clone, we don't know who. One thing is certain; they were trying to frame you. If you had gone ahead to the reactor, the scene would have been incriminating," Tseng revealed.
I nodded, still confused and lost in thought, "what now?"
Elena comes in with a tray of food, which she sets quietly on the nightstand. "Rest," Tseng insists, but I shake my head. "Eat," I shake my head again, "Sephiroth, if you're not strong, the enemy will take control of you again; that is what we believe will happen."
"Alright, I'll eat something, but I can't sleep like this," albeit Elena wasn't here during the latest portion of the conversation, having left to prepare some food, she seems well informed, without a single hint in her expression of wondering what we're talking about.
Maybe it was my impatient glances, or the need to seek more information, but as I ate the chicken soup Elena had made, Tseng spoke again, after receiving a nod from Rufus, a silent approval. "Why do you think you came back to this world?"
The question caught me off guard, "for redemption?"
"How did you gather the strength to appear as you are, rather than as a body of thoughts?" Tseng continued.
"I don't know," I have to admit; the specifics are still a mystery to me. "I thought that somehow Aeris brought me back."
"If Aeris has such a power, why didn't she stop you from coming back the first time? Why isn't she bringing back anyone else? Why doesn't she come back herself?" Rufus continues with the questions.
"I don't know..." Could it be that Aeris didn't bring me back? "If not her, then who? Somehow, I feel that this is not something I did by myself."
"That's what we need to know," Tseng continues, "if we gain that piece of information, we could find a lot of answers."
"The voice," I almost regret mentioning it, but I can't take it back, everyone is looking at me expectantly.
"If you have any clues..." Elena gently encourages.
"It's just that I heard a voice, telling me to take revenge and to not let Shinra turn me into a weapon. The voice was, it was pretending to be Jenova, or maybe I just imagined it," I feel foolish for mentioning it, but it seems the Turks and Rufus see it as valuable information.
"It's possible that someone may be communicating with you, trying to control you," Tseng theorizes, but it's more than just a theory, someone or something did control me. "Stay strong, you were able to fight it, you ran so that you wouldn't be a danger, right?" I nod and Tseng looks reassuring, "that means you can fight it, don't let your guard down."
A moment of silence passes, Blaze must have been bored with our conversation because he fell asleep in Reno's arms, leaving it up to the redhead to break the silence, "so gloomy."
"I don't think you've been quiet for this long ever before," I had almost forgotten Reno was in the room.
"I don't like it when things are gloomy, let's cheer up!" Reno's energetic loudness wakes Blaze, who starts chirping contently, blissfully unaware of the current situation.
Rufus massages his temples in exasperation, Blaze's constant chirps must be adding to his stress. "Tseng, you may proceed with your investigation."
"Yes, sir," Tseng exits the room with determination; it makes me wonder what his mission really is.
Rude gets up, "are you well enough?" Rufus asks when he sees this.
"Yes," Rude's response is short and to the point, as usual, I'm surprised he didn't just nod.
"Alright, you're on guard duty; make sure no one suspicious approaches the inn, alert us if you see anything," Rufus assigns Rude's mission then looks at Reno with impatience, "you are on patrol duty, go out for a walk, now."
"Yessir!" Reno bounces away along with his pet, silence taking over the room once they're gone. I'm not going to say anything, but I kind of miss Blaze, his incessant chirping was annoying, but it was better than this choking silence and Rude isn't one for conversation as he stands looking out the window like a statue.
"We'll be downstairs, reading," Elena nods, not too eager with his mission, though Rufus himself doesn't look very enthusiastic about joining the investigation.
"Too much reading is bad for you," I speak before I can stop myself; I'm the living example of that.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 29: Visions
Things have calmed down lately. Rufus and the Turks investigated all the records in the old Shinra Mansion, finding many contradictions, but no new clues. Rufus had a look in his eyes, as if wondering about something, but he must have been uncertain because he didn't say anything.
Tseng was away for some time, I never heard about what he was doing and I didn't see him again until we returned to Shinra. Rufus decided it was best to reinstate me to the Turks so that I would have something to focus on and though he didn't say it, it must have been more so to make it easier for the Turks to keep an eye on me.
We trained as we always did and it effectively kept me occupied. Once on my way to Rufus' office, I saw that secretary again, the one whose name starts with an A, the one who likes to wear pink and reminds me of Aeris. At least I didn't scare her badly enough to make her quit, but when I walked past her in the opposite direction I got a really bad feeling. I suppose I must have been worried I would snap again and traumatize her further, though she didn't look scared, she appeared to be angry, albeit I understand it's natural to hate your almost murderer.
Reno has been being himself, dragging me into playing pranks on Reeve whenever he is send to help at the WRO, though I don't think he's very helpful. I'm not supposed to be in the WRO missions, but I've been tagging along anyway, trying to help out, seeking redemption. Reeve saw me and I gave him a scare, until Reno started saying that I was the real Sephiroth back to destroy the world, which convinced Reeve that I had to be a look alike playing a prank on him.
However, the WRO practical joke season was short, since Rufus caught on thanks to complaints from Reeve and Reno was scolded for it. I tried to take the blame for him, feeling responsible because I didn't stop him, but I was seen as an innocent scapegoat being used.
It was then that Reno came to a conclusion, "I thought it was a good thing that you could get away with anything, but it's not good if it gets blamed on me!" I had thought it was the end of the pranks, but my incorrect conclusion only lasted a few seconds, "let's stick to picking on Cloud from now on!" It was as expected from Reno after all.
xoxox xox xoxox
One night, I was enjoying the peace and quiet of my apartment, telling myself not to worry as I fell asleep, when the familiar chirping of Blaze woke me. I grudgingly got up and opened the door, but there was no one there.
I thought for sure the sound meant Reno was coming over to invite me to another practical joke ninja mission, which involved vandalizing Cloud's property, or sabotaging his personal hygiene products. Reno has been frequenting the Seventh Heaven again after Tifa forbade Cloud from killing him; that would really bring down her profits, it has made him become overconfident playing pranks.
I stood there, listening to the sound, I know that's Blaze, maybe Reno is visiting Tseng, but that can't be, the sound isn't coming from above... No, not that... Fearing the worse, I make my way to the apartment below and knock on the door.
It doesn't take long for Reno to open it, "yo, Seph, what's up?"
I twitch, "Reno, wasn't this apartment your video game vault?"
"Yeah, but everyone kept complaining about the noise where I used to live, they were getting annoying so I moved here... and left some goodbye gifts," I have a feeling he means explosives, but even if it sounds careless, that doesn't concern me now, I am too worried about my own predicament.
As politely as I can, I hint that I want silence, "isn't it time for Blaze to go to sleep?"
"He's not sleepy, he has a lot of energy; he's going to be super fast when he grows up!" Reno is completely missing the point.
I try to spell it out for him, "I can't sleep."
"You have insomnia? Me too! We'll stay up all night playing video games, it'll be awesome!"
I don't know how I get dragged into these things, though the games will be fun if I pretend the enemy I'm beating up is Cloud... "Fine, until Blaze falls asleep, then I'll got back home and finally get some sleep," the sun came up and that didn't happen.
xoxox xox xoxox
The next day I headed to my apartment to shower and change after being awake all night, but I didn't leave for Shinra right away, it was still too early.
Later, at Shinra HQ, I wondered why Tseng hasn't complained about all the noise, it was certainly loud enough to reach the apartment above mine, but my question was answered when I found out that Tseng wasn't there the previous night. This is not the only home he owns so it should come as no surprise, besides, everyone knows he and Elena stay over at each other's places now and then, but it seems Tseng was out working last night.
I only caught pieces of the conversation as I headed to Rufus' office for today's briefing and stopped at the door. The other Turks were already there, though I was certain I was on time. Curious about why they were called in earlier than me, I continued listening.
"He does know about the past, but he's being cautious, he doesn't trust us. He was acting suspicious so I followed him and that's when I found her," that was Tseng's voice.
"We'll have to proceed carefully, this is a delicate matter. Try to talk to him again, convince him by any means necessary, this is an important step in the process if we're going to make this work," Rufus spoke.
"Yes, I have thought of a way," Tseng assured.
"Good, I'll entrust this matter to you," Rufus replied. "As for everyone, this is to remain a secret, we can't allow Sephiroth to find her before everything is ready."
I back away from the door, I don't want too hear any more of this, I don't want to stop trusting the new Shinra. Shinra made me a hero in the past, even if I was nothing more than a war general. They are trying to fix their past mistakes now, we have that in common, the way to being a hero, a real hero this time, to find redemption, is with Shinra, or so I like to believe. But they haven't told me anything and they're hiding things, plotting behind my back.
"Sephiroth," I turn around and stare in shock, there's a woman there, with silvery hair, rosy skin and glowing golden eyes.
I blink and she's gone, "mother? Jenova?" My head hurts and I rush into Rufus' office, all eyes turning towards me. I pause compose myself and try to act natural, "sorry I'm late."
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII. Credits go to Cherri, who role plays Sephiroth in the Shinra Database RPG, the scene in the beginning of Step 25 with Blaze was loosely based on the RP. Thanks to Soyna who suggested that Sephiroth be sent on vacation to hunt monsters in step 26. Also in 26, when Sephiroth mentions thanking the cookie for being delicious, it's a reference to Heroic Age, where at the beginning Age thanks the octopus creature he feeds on.
Sephiroth's Point of View
Step 24: Monster
Cloud's hair is white; it's a very dull and boring white. He tried to bleach off the pink, which he stills believes was Reno's fault alone, and failed to recover his blond. I think he plans to dye his hair again, I wish him he worse of luck.
That voice I heard in my head hasn't come back, maybe I just imagined it. Things are relatively calm at Shinra, which is a welcomed change. Then again, maybe nothing changed at headquarters, maybe I was the one who changed, becoming more tolerant of Rufus being spoiled, Tseng being a workaholic, Elena being too talkative, Reno being more insane than I ever was and Rude being... well... rude.
"Seph, look what I have!" I should say that Reno can be very rude at times, but it sounds like an ironic contradiction given the sharp contrast between Reno and Rude.
"Reno, do not shove things in people's faces," I scold as firmly, but at the same time, as gently as I can, I don't want him to throw a tantrum.
"Things?!" Great, he's throwing a tantrum anyway. "My baby is not a thing."
This catches my attention, though I'm certain the blur of red I saw was not a human child, perhaps a sort of pet. Summoning all my patience I take a deep breath, maybe I'm not used to Reno's insanity after all. "I apologize to your... baby."
"He forgives you," Reno merrily declares.
I identify the creature he's holding as a little red bird, "is that a chicobo?"
"The best chicobo in the world, he's the same color as my hair," though I'm certain Reno knows nothing about chocobos and chicobos, he sounds very much convinced that this little one is the best. "Isn't he cute?"
I stare at the little red blob, tiny enough to fit in the palm of Reno's hand. This one is quite puny, even for a new born. It stares back at me and chirps in a high pitched voice. It's very loud for such a miniature creature. "Yes, cute..." I have little knowledge of what cute is, but in general terms, I think a brightly colored, microscopic, squeaky, baby animal should fit the profile.
"I need to name him, I've been asking around for ideas, but no one has come up with a name I like and I have name block right now," Reno rambles, he does that often. "I want to name him soon; I wouldn't want the little guy to have an identity crisis."
I freeze; an identity crisis? It's not like the chicobo will grow up to be a very strange, mutant chocobo who thinks he's a monster. It's not like he'll question his existence wondering if he was created in a laboratory and mutated by mako. It's not like he'll believe he's the child of a fossil, it's not like he'll try to take over the world, it's not like he'll summon meteor. That chicobo is not a monster, but what am I? Who am I?
There's fire, there's fire everywhere, in the town and even in the reactor. There isn't supposed to be fire there. There are capsules with monsters, they're breaking out, is this truly a memory from Nibelheim? Those monsters, they look like me, they're coming towards me, but there's fire, they're catching aflame, but they keep walking towards me. No, don't come any closer, don't come, they're burning, I'm burning! "Fire! Flames! Blaze!"
These images, why now? I was fine a second ago. There's something wrong, there's something here, in this building. I can feel it, something bad is here. The president is in danger, I'm a Turk; I need to protect the president. I'm Sephiroth of the Turks, that's all I need to know, I'll focus on that. I grip my sword and run.
"Seph, come back!"
I need to get to the president, why is Reno trying to stop me? He's a Turk too; he's my ally, isn't he? Unless he's someone else in disguise; I raise my sword and the little chicobo chirps curiously, there's not a single hint of fright in his tiny feathery face. I can't hurt him.
My head hurts, I run again, I need to get to the last floor. Reno is yelling something, "emergency!" Yes, that's right, there's an emergency, a big emergency; tell the others that the Turks are needed. We have a mission, we have to protect Shinra, we have to protect Rufus, protect him from danger; protect him from the monster.
The monster, where's the monster? I made it to the last floor and kicked the door open, I'm in the president's office; he's in danger. Where's the monster? Is that it, straight ahead? I raise my sword, my eyes glowing with fury, "die!"
"Stop!" Their voices echo, Rufus, Reno, Tseng, Elena and even Rude.
Then there's another voice, a woman's voice, "please don't kill me..." She has brown hair and green eyes, watery green eyes, she's crying. "Please, don't..." She's wearing pink. "Monster, don't kill me, you terrible monster!"
I must exterminate the monster, if I don't kill him, he'll kill her; the monster will kill Aeris. I'm trembling, why? I can't hesitate, I need to kill the monster, but I'm the monster. I feel pain, a sharp stab. I look at myself, there's blood and a sword, a long sword, my sword, my Masamune. Why did I do this to myself? Is it because I'm a monster? Everything is turning dark...
xoxox xox xoxox
When I open my eyes I still feel pain, "don't move," Reno is the first to speak, they're all here. He picks up that same little chicobo from before and holds him protectively, "he made a nest with your hair while you were sleeping; I hope you don't mind."
I don't reply, my eyes go from one person to another, Reno, the chicobo, Tseng, Elena, Rude, Rufus, "Aeris?" My eyelids feel heavy, is this anesthesia? Am I tied up?
The woman retreats, "Miss Talic, please wait outside," Rufus suppressed his evident stress, trying to sound as calm as possible.
"Sir, I... Is it safe? Is it really alright to have him here?" The woman questions. She's not Aeris, not Aeris at all, but she has brown hair and green eyes and she's wearing a pink dress shirt and she has a choker with a pink rhinestone covered letter A, is that her name's initial too?
"We'll handle this," Tseng assures in Rufus' place before the president loses his cool. "Please miss, wait outside; Elena, go with her." They probably want to bribe her into silence, she's lucky this isn't the old Shinra.
Elena nods; "yes..." she gives me one last glance of sympathy before leading the other woman out of the infirmary.
My head hurts; I don't know what came over me. I almost killed that woman and I don't even know who she is, probably an innocent secretary delivering some documents to Rufus. My head really hurts.
Rufus takes a deep breath like a father scolding his child for his own good, except I don't know this from experience, because my childhood was anything but normal. I just imagine that it might be this way. "As of now, you are suspended from the Turks till further notice." I remained quiet, my eyes focused on Rufus, I'm not going to argue with his decision. "You are required to complete a special training and if your performance is satisfactory, I'll consider reinstating you to the Turks." I don't think it's a good idea for me to be around people, or to be a Turk, but I don't argue.
"I understand..." My voice is barely audible and it's a lie, I don't understand anything. Things were going well and I was finally relaxing; I was actually enjoying my life. What came over me? There was danger, I sensed it, there was definitely something wrong. Was it all just me? Is the only real problem in my head? I closed my eyes and drifted back into a nightmare infested uneasy sleep.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 25: Human
My luggage is packed, though it's not much, just some clothes to wear while I'm away. I put the suitcase in the chopper and take one last look at Edge from the roof of the new Shinra Headquarters. Tseng will be coming with me to train. I look at the Turks quietly, Elena is trying to look supportive, Rude nods as if to reassure me, Reno is late, but even Rufus is here. The president's stress seems to have gone away, his expression much more serene now; somehow, he's not angry at me anymore. I'm guessing the business with the secretary went well.
"I'm here!" Reno always makes his arrival known, unless it's a secret mission, but if it's not, he assumes the world wants to know when he gets there. "Oh good, I didn't miss you two leaving. Blaze wants to say goodbye," Reno holds up the little red chicobo, its blue eyes focused curiously on the helicopter. "Seph, you're he's godfather now, because you named him."
I stare at the tiny chicobo for a long moment, "I named him..." Reno called him Blaze, but I wasn't saying those things to suggest names. I suppose the name matches the chicobo's color.
"You really need to get your work done, don't play with your pet all day," despite saying this, Tseng gently pets the little chicobo. He kisses Elena then goes in the helicopter; everyone knows they're together so there's no need to hide it.
Feeling completely silly I raise my hand and very gently pet the little bird's head. "You don't have chicobo phobia, do you?" Reno curiously asks; the question is completely serious.
"Of course not," I just don't want to hurt the little guy. I suppose this is what it's like for something to be cute, no one can bear to hurt it and everyone adores it instantly. "Goodbye..."
"See ya later Seph, I'll send pictures if anything cool happens," which means that Reno will try to play pranks while I'm gone, though he might not get too far since everyone expects it from him.
"Have a nice trip!" Elena calls out as if we're heading out on vacation. Rude watches silent and unreadable.
Rufus smiles slightly, I don't know if the president is happy to be rid of me or convinced that this training will be a success and expecting the good news soon. It's probably the second because for a fleeting moment I see Lazard reflected in Rufus, his expression confident, knowing the mission will be accomplished.
xoxox xox xoxox
As the helicopter flies I find myself staring at the ruins of old Midgar as they become more distant. "You don't have to be so gloomy," Tseng breaks the silence, "this training isn't so hard and we can take breaks if need be, there's no time limit."
"It's more complicated than that," I admit. "I don't know who I am; I thought I was okay with that but apparently not. It was as if something was controlling me through my doubts."
"You're Sephiroth of the Turks, you're a human being with Jenova cells and mako, but a human being none the less," Tseng assures.
"Can you be sure?" I further inquired; I wish I could simply accept his words.
"Yes, we have been investigating, we know your past, your origin, you're not a monster, though you were modified while still in your mother's womb, you are still human, she was human," Tseng reveals.
I pale, my eyes losing their focus on the miniature ruins lost in the distant horizon. I stare at the distance, at nothing, then I close my eyes and time passes, I don't know how much time. "My mother," I whisper after a while, "was not called Jenova."
"That was not her name," Tseng admits. "Your past was unclear, but I understand it now, all the pieces. It's not easy though, we wanted to tell you later, you have the right to know, but you shouldn't stress about it now."
"I'm human," I repeat it as if to convince myself, "mother was not called Jenova; that was a lie, I was born of a human, I was experimented on, but I was originally a human..."
"You still are," Tseng emphasizes.
I want to know more, I want to hear the whole story, to know the truth, "tell me more."
"Later..."
"Tell me!"
"Sephiroth!" I stare at Tseng; my full attention on him, his voice went from relaxed to firm; then took on a friendly reassuring tone. "You will know, you won't be lied to, but I can't tell you now, I won't give you a false excuse. The truth is the situation was difficult and there's nothing that can be done about that past now."
I take in Tseng's words. I once went very far to get revenge in the name of the one I thought was my mother. For Jenova I wanted to take over the planet and use it as a vessel to travel the cosmos after crashing a meteor into it. A crazy plan indeed, a plan of vengeance, for my mother, for my rights, for what I thought was stolen from me. Perhaps Shinra did take something away from me, the old Shinra that is. Maybe I would seek revenge again, in my real mother's name this time, but that won't lead anywhere, just to more destruction, more mistakes, more things to make up for, more regrets.
"I understand," I may long to know, yet I might not be ready to know. "I want to hear the story one day, but for now, if you can be certain that I'm human and that who ever my mother was, she was also human; that's enough."
"I assure you," Tseng's relaxed tone returned, he seems both pleased and relieved to have been able to reason with me.
"What of my father? He was human too, right?"
My question brings an unconscious frown to Tseng's face and his features harden, "yes." He seems uncomfortable with the subject, perhaps bitter. "He was a human too," he almost sounds as if he has his doubts.
"Are you sure?" I further inquire.
"I'm certain that both your parents were of the humans species, their biology was originally no different from that of a normal human," Tseng seems very uncomfortable with the subject now; he wants to end this conversation, that much is clear.
I want to ask more questions but I don't want to complicate things, just knowing I'm not a monster is enough, "is a human who has been modified truly still human?"
"Biology isn't important, it is rational thought that counts, hold on to that," Tseng replied.
Rational thought, I wonder if I can hold on to it, "I'll try." I see Cosmo Canyon in the horizon, or at least I think that's it, "Cosmo Canyon?"
Tseng seems pleased with the change in subject, "yes, we'll be there for a while, to relax, meditate and get away from everything."
"How did we get here so fast?"
"We've been flying all day, we even stopped to refuel; the sun is setting now, see? You fell asleep, remember?" Tseng spoke slowly, as if not to startle me with the information that I should have been able to gather on my own.
When I felt time pass, I didn't realize it was this much, when I closed my eyes, I didn't notice that I fell asleep. When I woke up, without realizing I was waking up, I asked about my mother as if only seconds have passed, continuing the same conversation from before. "Right," I yawn, just for show, as if to convince Tseng I'm disoriented because I'm drowsy not insane. I don't think it worked, "that was a good nap," I'm such a bad liar. I've never really been drowsy unless it's chemically induced, as for insane...
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 26: Vacation
I feel like I'm in a weekend camping trip, except it's a weekday. Tseng and I had dinner with a red wolf-like creature called Nanaki, who also used to be known as Red XIII. I only vaguely remember him traveling with the former Avalanche and their allies.
Nanaki, number XIII, is not a human, though he is very much sane and his speech is better than that of some humans I've met. Though he has a number, he seems to be doing quite well. The extent of the experiments performed on him are unknown to me, and possibly to him as well, though it's not something I would inquire about.
He's a remarkable being, supposedly the last of his kind, or at least the last that he and Shinra know of. It's easy to see he's been through many battles, but he doesn't let it get to him, so calm, so relaxed. I wonder if I was brought here to follow his example.
This doesn't feel like training at all, we sat around a fire and roasted marshmallows while Nanaki proudly told stories of his parents' bravery, mentioning that his father had fought to the end until he was turned to stone. I wish I had a heroic story to tell...
The view from Cosmo Canyon is very nice, the skies are clear and the stars shine brightly. It's a very quiet place at night when the archeologists have turned in and few people remain awake.
We stayed at Cosmo Canyon for two days. I didn't black out or go crazy during that time and I didn't hear any strange voices in my head. During our stay, we went out during the day to hunt monsters. I hesitated at first, wondering how much in common I had with those beings, but then I realized I was being paranoid. Monsters are not capable of thought like I am. Rational thought is what makes people, people, Nanaki included despite not being human.
After the light training at Cosmo Canyon, which was more mental than physical, was done, we headed out to Nibelheim. I stood at the entrance to the rebuilt ghost town, that somehow doesn't entirely feel like a ghost town and waited for something to happen, for my past to catch up to me, but there was nothing.
"How do you feel?" Tseng asked. "We can do this later."
I have to face my past sometime, I should have known this was coming, "surprisingly," I can't deny it is unexpected, "I'm aright. I mean, I have regrets, but I'm not about to go insane over it."
"Good, you may explore as you wish, the others are here, you'll run into them if you go into town," Tseng encourages, though I'm certain that they'll be watching each other's backs.
"Alright..." I walk into town and look at the water tank, then walk around it, observing the surrounding buildings. I go to the inn and find Rufus reading in the lobby. I'm surprised to see him there. He looks up from his book a little, still hiding behind it, as if he wants to pretend he's not watching. I nod reassuringly and move on, exploring upstairs.
It's amazing with how much detail the town was restored. I can almost hear Zack's footsteps running energetically up the stairs. I enter the guest room where I had stayed; everything was the same, even the color of the sheets. Deciding that I've seen enough of the inn, and thankfully none of it alarmed me beyond the understandable feeling of deja vu, I headed out again.
Tseng has gone somewhere; he's not standing guard at the entrance anymore, though I see the helicopter is still there. I examine the surrounding area again and notice another helicopter I haven't seen before, hidden behind some houses. I then choose a random house to explore.
I feel like I'm in a video game, for only there is the protagonist allowed to walk into people's private property without permission and take things, albeit only the things conveniently hidden in treasure chests can be claimed.
This house holds the scent of cookies and I follow it to the kitchen were Elena is taking a fresh batch out of the oven. She sets the new tray on the kitchen counter to cool and gets to work decorating her previous batch with frosting. "Want to try them?"
Elena had been so absorbed in her task that I thought she didn't notice my presence, "yes..." I could hardly find my voice, this situation, being in Nibelheim, a Nibelheim populated by Rufus and the Turks, is odd, yet not as alarming as I would imagine and that is the most shocking part. I take a perfectly round cookie, covered in bright yellow frosting with chocolate chip eyes and a chocolate smile; I take a bite off the top, leaving it with one eye. "Thanks..." it almost looks as if I'm talking to the cookie, thanking it for being so delicious.
"You're welcome, is it yummy?" Elena smiles; completely carefree.
"Yes, very," I truthfully reply and finish the cookie, "I'm going to look around some more..."
"Okay, have fun," Elena returns to her task of decorating the cookies with colorful frosting. I feel like a child who was given permission to play, though I'm certainly not as enthusiastic as one.
I leave the house and look around, Shinra Mansion looms as if beckoning me to approach it, challenging me to go in. I turn away from it and look towards the mountains; I don't want to go there either. Yet this is about facing my past, not hiding from it.
I approach the mansion and taking a deep breath I cross the gates and walk to the door, it's unlocked, not that it surprises me. The loud chirping from inside gives away the identity and position of the Turk in the mansion, who brought his little chicobo along. Unfortunately I can't go around Reno, since he is in my path to the secret passage leading to the basement.
"Yo!" Reno greets me casually; I expected it from him. My godchild, the chicobo named Blaze, chirps as if he recognizes me.
"Hi..." I stand there for a moment, then glance at the passage leading to the spiraling stairs.
"Going exploring? Don't read too much, books are evil," Reno is being Reno, the carefree role suits him in any situation, so it doesn't look like he's acting at all. Then again, Rufus didn't look stressed, just curious and Elena was relaxed enough.
"I'll remember that," scientific books written in such confusing ways, full of outdated information, mistaken conclusions and recordings so complex that they can be easily misinterpreted, are a danger indeed.
I head down to the basement and walk around the library, but I'm not interested in reading, I'll wait until the answers come to me, those books are just confusing anyway. I spend a few more minutes in the library, then head up again. The entire time I heard the echo of Blaze's distant chirping becoming closer as I moved back up. I wonder if it was set up on purpose to keep me in the present.
"The reactor..." I voice uncertain.
"Did you forget how to get there? It's not hard to find," Reno's reply makes me conclude that I am meant to explore the reactor after all and I need to go there alone, perhaps so that I have to rely on myself to willingly get there and so I don't feel pressured to walk at anyone else's pace.
"I'm going for a walk..." It's pretty obvious where I'm going, I don't need to say it. Reno nods and watches me go. I exit the Shinra Mansion and head to the mountains.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 27: Deception
As a get closer to the reactor my heart starts to pound. I have a bad feeling, there's something wrong. Is Rude there? I haven't seen him yet; maybe he's waiting in the reactor. He's in danger, I can feel it. Not again, I got this feeling before when I went crazy at Shinra. I also remember it from another time, from that occasion wit the yakuza, but I attributed it to the situation then and managed to control it somehow, plus it wasn't as strong, as if this force was only testing the waters.
It's strange, that time with the yakuza was being near danger but only being subconsciously aware of it. At Shinra the instinctive alert was screaming in my head and now it's different again, I'm alarmed, but I feel as if it's too late. I also know I'm being followed, but that one following me is an ally. "Tseng, are you there? Come out!"
Tseng must have read the urgency in my almost pleading voice because he wasted no time in coming out of hiding. "What's wrong?"
"Danger, in the reactor... I need to... I have to..." I feel an irresistible need to run into the reactor, but I fight against it. This isn't good, why now? Is it the place? I was fine in town.
"You don't have to do this, calm down, we can leave," Tseng tries to reason with me again.
"Go... the reactor, go!" I insist, but Tseng doesn't leave, "please go..." I focus on staying awake, staying in control, staying still.
Tseng nods, "I'll go check," he hurries in and doesn't come out.
"Tseng!"
"Rude is injured!" Tseng yells back, "stay there, I'm calling the others."
Am I too incompetent to be trusted in helping an ally? It is because I might become a threat rather than help. I involuntarily make my way to the reactor and see Tseng tending to the unconscious Rude. "Who did this?" My head hurts, it hurts so much.
Reno and Elena rush past me and I watch the scene helplessly, gripping my sword, the sword I shouldn't have been trusted with. Tseng returned it to me when we went monster hunting during our stay in Cosmo Canyon and let me keep it since then.
I throw the sword out the door, suppressing the need to go pick it up and stab someone. "Stop it... stop it! I won't let you, you can't control me!" Once again, it all went dark, but I didn't pass out despite losing my senses, I could feel my body moving, running away. I needed to get myself away from the Turks; I don't want to hurt them.
xoxox xox xoxox
Something is wet and something is shiny. I'm in a puddle near materia in its natural state. I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere in the mountains near the reactor. I couldn't see before, or hear anything, I couldn't even feel anything. I'm bruised and sore, maybe I ran into some rocks, maybe I fell or maybe I started banging my head against the cave walls. I don't know, but my senses are back now at least.
"Sephiroth?" Who's talking? She's out of my view, or is the voice in my head? "My son..."
"Mother?" That can't be, I don't even know who my mother is, but why would she be talking to me in my head?
"Poor boy, you're so confused."
"Mother!" No, she's not, she can't be. "What's happening?"
"They're trying to trick you, they're brainwashing you, to use you for their purposes. Don't let them turn you into a weapon." I remember my days as a soldier, I remember the old Shinra. "It wouldn't be the first time, right?"
"It's different," I want to believe it is.
"Have you forgotten me, forgotten what they've done, what they took away? Avenge me, son!"
"I don't want to, I don't want to take revenge on the planet anymore, ask me for something else..."
"I ask you to save yourself, save yourself from Shinra..."
"Yes, mother," I closed my eyes, there's nothing interesting to look at in this cave anyway, and I dozed off.
xoxox xox xoxox
I wake up to find a ceiling that I've seen before long ago. I would wake up to this ceiling every morning when I was in Nibelheim, before I locked myself in the basement of Shinra Mansion. Except it's not really that same ceiling, because the original was burned down. My sword is propped against the wall opposite to me, but I have no temptation to reach for it at the moment. The chirping of a chicobo tells me Blaze, and most likely Reno, are near by and I turn my head to look at them. "How long was I out?"
"Oh, hey, you're awake! Everyone, Seph's awake! You were asleep for a whole day!" I watch Rude cringe at Reno's loud voice. He looks like he has a headache, but he's going to be alright, I somehow know. Rude's currently resting on the bed next to mine, with Reno sitting on a chair in between.
"Reno, you shouldn't yell so loud," Rufus entered the room accompanied by Tseng and scolded the redhead, then turned his attention towards me. "How do you feel?"
"Confused," I admitted, "I don't want to be used by Shinra and you are keeping a lot of secrets from me."
Rufus sighs exasperated, "there's no avoiding it; you're our responsibility."
"I'm not your child," I don't know whose child I am, but certainly not Rufus'.
"Of course not, but that's not the point!" Rufus is clearly frustrated. "Do you know what it's like when everyone starts seeing you as the villain even if you were the hero before? You must know what it's like and I do too. Shinra used to be good, Shinra used to be admired, Shinra used to be seen as the hero back when it wasn't. Now that we're trying to set things right, that past is all people see, even if it's over. Whatever you do, it will be blamed on me, that's why I should call Cloud Strife right now and make you his problem, but that's also why I won't. Because I know what it's like to go from hero to villain and to have the past shoved in your face. I will offer you Shinra's protection and information from your past. If you choose to believe it that is up to you. If you leave Shinra, you'll have to deal with the world on your own because we won't cover for you, there's too much at risk."
"So I'm just a mistake to clean up?" I argue back.
"How many times have you been unconscious? If I was like my father," Rufus is full of bitterness with that one word, "I would have ordered the Turks to take those opportunities, it would have worked and you know it. That's all the proof I can offer you of my sincerity."
"And if I leave?" I inquire, not losing the fire in my voice.
"Seph of the Turks will be declared dead and we will deny ever knowing anything about Sephiroth's latest return, I won't add more blame to the mountain I already have for covering for you," Rufus admits. "We'll ignore you if you don't cause trouble, but we'll have to interfere if you do. Shinra owes you, it's not completely my debt, but part of it is and I've inherited the rest, yet I also inherited a debt to the world, which I need to take care of too. If you turn into a mad man, I'll just have to stop you from staining the name of the old Sephiroth."
"What do you know about me?" I retort bitterly, though in contrast Rufus seems to have calmed down, as if he's getting all the pressure out of his system after keeping it bottled up for a long time.
He hands me the book he had been reading earlier, I didn't really pay close attention to it before. It's a medium sized dark blue book with a plain title-less cover. The pages are handwritten in black ink; it's a journal of some sort. "A tragic memento from the brother I never really knew."
I recognize the handwriting instantly; I've seen this before in notes and reports, "Lazard..."
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 28: Mystery
Lazard was more aware of certain things than I imagined, and more confused about others than anyone noticed. Albeit he was uncertain of what he needed to do, he had a lot of fate in us, Genesis, Angeal, Zack and I. He kept that faith even after all the things that happened with Genesis and Angeal, though he was unsure of what part he should be playing, which led to certain actions, that ultimately brought forth his end.
Back then I was the hero, I was admired and respected, but so many things were happening. I remember I didn't know what it was but I felt frustration and perhaps fear. Fear of not being able to help, fear to face the hidden truth, fear for their well being. Maybe my state was more fragile than I cared to realize and that's why I fell apart at Nibelheim back then.
I close the journal, which was left unfinished, but everyone knows the general way the story ended, though the specifics are lost. Lazard held on to one thing when everything was lost, hope for the future, even if he didn't expect to live to see it.
One would think he would be bitter towards Rufus, but though they were never close, Lazard was hopeful of the day Rufus would become president. He was hopeful that despite everything, I would remain a hero in everyone's eyes, until I found the path to become a true hero.
I hand the book back to Rufus who had been patiently waiting for me to finish reading it. He holds it like a precious treasure; something to be cherished, Lazard's wishes, his legacy, proof that he existed. "What happened?" I inquire.
"We're not sure," Tseng replies, then looks at Rude.
The usually quiet man finally speaks, "a fake," though he doesn't say much.
"Rude was attacked by a copy of you," Tseng elaborates.
"A copy?" This is alarming news, but I try not to show it, "a remnant?"
"Possibly," Tseng admits.
"How could I lose control of my own body of thoughts? I don't feel them, those parts of me, I should sense them." This is too complicated, it doesn't make sense.
"Right now we know very little, it could be someone else entirely, a Sephiroth clone, we don't know who. One thing is certain; they were trying to frame you. If you had gone ahead to the reactor, the scene would have been incriminating," Tseng revealed.
I nodded, still confused and lost in thought, "what now?"
Elena comes in with a tray of food, which she sets quietly on the nightstand. "Rest," Tseng insists, but I shake my head. "Eat," I shake my head again, "Sephiroth, if you're not strong, the enemy will take control of you again; that is what we believe will happen."
"Alright, I'll eat something, but I can't sleep like this," albeit Elena wasn't here during the latest portion of the conversation, having left to prepare some food, she seems well informed, without a single hint in her expression of wondering what we're talking about.
Maybe it was my impatient glances, or the need to seek more information, but as I ate the chicken soup Elena had made, Tseng spoke again, after receiving a nod from Rufus, a silent approval. "Why do you think you came back to this world?"
The question caught me off guard, "for redemption?"
"How did you gather the strength to appear as you are, rather than as a body of thoughts?" Tseng continued.
"I don't know," I have to admit; the specifics are still a mystery to me. "I thought that somehow Aeris brought me back."
"If Aeris has such a power, why didn't she stop you from coming back the first time? Why isn't she bringing back anyone else? Why doesn't she come back herself?" Rufus continues with the questions.
"I don't know..." Could it be that Aeris didn't bring me back? "If not her, then who? Somehow, I feel that this is not something I did by myself."
"That's what we need to know," Tseng continues, "if we gain that piece of information, we could find a lot of answers."
"The voice," I almost regret mentioning it, but I can't take it back, everyone is looking at me expectantly.
"If you have any clues..." Elena gently encourages.
"It's just that I heard a voice, telling me to take revenge and to not let Shinra turn me into a weapon. The voice was, it was pretending to be Jenova, or maybe I just imagined it," I feel foolish for mentioning it, but it seems the Turks and Rufus see it as valuable information.
"It's possible that someone may be communicating with you, trying to control you," Tseng theorizes, but it's more than just a theory, someone or something did control me. "Stay strong, you were able to fight it, you ran so that you wouldn't be a danger, right?" I nod and Tseng looks reassuring, "that means you can fight it, don't let your guard down."
A moment of silence passes, Blaze must have been bored with our conversation because he fell asleep in Reno's arms, leaving it up to the redhead to break the silence, "so gloomy."
"I don't think you've been quiet for this long ever before," I had almost forgotten Reno was in the room.
"I don't like it when things are gloomy, let's cheer up!" Reno's energetic loudness wakes Blaze, who starts chirping contently, blissfully unaware of the current situation.
Rufus massages his temples in exasperation, Blaze's constant chirps must be adding to his stress. "Tseng, you may proceed with your investigation."
"Yes, sir," Tseng exits the room with determination; it makes me wonder what his mission really is.
Rude gets up, "are you well enough?" Rufus asks when he sees this.
"Yes," Rude's response is short and to the point, as usual, I'm surprised he didn't just nod.
"Alright, you're on guard duty; make sure no one suspicious approaches the inn, alert us if you see anything," Rufus assigns Rude's mission then looks at Reno with impatience, "you are on patrol duty, go out for a walk, now."
"Yessir!" Reno bounces away along with his pet, silence taking over the room once they're gone. I'm not going to say anything, but I kind of miss Blaze, his incessant chirping was annoying, but it was better than this choking silence and Rude isn't one for conversation as he stands looking out the window like a statue.
"We'll be downstairs, reading," Elena nods, not too eager with his mission, though Rufus himself doesn't look very enthusiastic about joining the investigation.
"Too much reading is bad for you," I speak before I can stop myself; I'm the living example of that.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 29: Visions
Things have calmed down lately. Rufus and the Turks investigated all the records in the old Shinra Mansion, finding many contradictions, but no new clues. Rufus had a look in his eyes, as if wondering about something, but he must have been uncertain because he didn't say anything.
Tseng was away for some time, I never heard about what he was doing and I didn't see him again until we returned to Shinra. Rufus decided it was best to reinstate me to the Turks so that I would have something to focus on and though he didn't say it, it must have been more so to make it easier for the Turks to keep an eye on me.
We trained as we always did and it effectively kept me occupied. Once on my way to Rufus' office, I saw that secretary again, the one whose name starts with an A, the one who likes to wear pink and reminds me of Aeris. At least I didn't scare her badly enough to make her quit, but when I walked past her in the opposite direction I got a really bad feeling. I suppose I must have been worried I would snap again and traumatize her further, though she didn't look scared, she appeared to be angry, albeit I understand it's natural to hate your almost murderer.
Reno has been being himself, dragging me into playing pranks on Reeve whenever he is send to help at the WRO, though I don't think he's very helpful. I'm not supposed to be in the WRO missions, but I've been tagging along anyway, trying to help out, seeking redemption. Reeve saw me and I gave him a scare, until Reno started saying that I was the real Sephiroth back to destroy the world, which convinced Reeve that I had to be a look alike playing a prank on him.
However, the WRO practical joke season was short, since Rufus caught on thanks to complaints from Reeve and Reno was scolded for it. I tried to take the blame for him, feeling responsible because I didn't stop him, but I was seen as an innocent scapegoat being used.
It was then that Reno came to a conclusion, "I thought it was a good thing that you could get away with anything, but it's not good if it gets blamed on me!" I had thought it was the end of the pranks, but my incorrect conclusion only lasted a few seconds, "let's stick to picking on Cloud from now on!" It was as expected from Reno after all.
xoxox xox xoxox
One night, I was enjoying the peace and quiet of my apartment, telling myself not to worry as I fell asleep, when the familiar chirping of Blaze woke me. I grudgingly got up and opened the door, but there was no one there.
I thought for sure the sound meant Reno was coming over to invite me to another practical joke ninja mission, which involved vandalizing Cloud's property, or sabotaging his personal hygiene products. Reno has been frequenting the Seventh Heaven again after Tifa forbade Cloud from killing him; that would really bring down her profits, it has made him become overconfident playing pranks.
I stood there, listening to the sound, I know that's Blaze, maybe Reno is visiting Tseng, but that can't be, the sound isn't coming from above... No, not that... Fearing the worse, I make my way to the apartment below and knock on the door.
It doesn't take long for Reno to open it, "yo, Seph, what's up?"
I twitch, "Reno, wasn't this apartment your video game vault?"
"Yeah, but everyone kept complaining about the noise where I used to live, they were getting annoying so I moved here... and left some goodbye gifts," I have a feeling he means explosives, but even if it sounds careless, that doesn't concern me now, I am too worried about my own predicament.
As politely as I can, I hint that I want silence, "isn't it time for Blaze to go to sleep?"
"He's not sleepy, he has a lot of energy; he's going to be super fast when he grows up!" Reno is completely missing the point.
I try to spell it out for him, "I can't sleep."
"You have insomnia? Me too! We'll stay up all night playing video games, it'll be awesome!"
I don't know how I get dragged into these things, though the games will be fun if I pretend the enemy I'm beating up is Cloud... "Fine, until Blaze falls asleep, then I'll got back home and finally get some sleep," the sun came up and that didn't happen.
xoxox xox xoxox
The next day I headed to my apartment to shower and change after being awake all night, but I didn't leave for Shinra right away, it was still too early.
Later, at Shinra HQ, I wondered why Tseng hasn't complained about all the noise, it was certainly loud enough to reach the apartment above mine, but my question was answered when I found out that Tseng wasn't there the previous night. This is not the only home he owns so it should come as no surprise, besides, everyone knows he and Elena stay over at each other's places now and then, but it seems Tseng was out working last night.
I only caught pieces of the conversation as I headed to Rufus' office for today's briefing and stopped at the door. The other Turks were already there, though I was certain I was on time. Curious about why they were called in earlier than me, I continued listening.
"He does know about the past, but he's being cautious, he doesn't trust us. He was acting suspicious so I followed him and that's when I found her," that was Tseng's voice.
"We'll have to proceed carefully, this is a delicate matter. Try to talk to him again, convince him by any means necessary, this is an important step in the process if we're going to make this work," Rufus spoke.
"Yes, I have thought of a way," Tseng assured.
"Good, I'll entrust this matter to you," Rufus replied. "As for everyone, this is to remain a secret, we can't allow Sephiroth to find her before everything is ready."
I back away from the door, I don't want too hear any more of this, I don't want to stop trusting the new Shinra. Shinra made me a hero in the past, even if I was nothing more than a war general. They are trying to fix their past mistakes now, we have that in common, the way to being a hero, a real hero this time, to find redemption, is with Shinra, or so I like to believe. But they haven't told me anything and they're hiding things, plotting behind my back.
"Sephiroth," I turn around and stare in shock, there's a woman there, with silvery hair, rosy skin and glowing golden eyes.
I blink and she's gone, "mother? Jenova?" My head hurts and I rush into Rufus' office, all eyes turning towards me. I pause compose myself and try to act natural, "sorry I'm late."
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII. Credits go to Cherri, who role plays Sephiroth in the Shinra Database RPG, the scene in the beginning of Step 25 with Blaze was loosely based on the RP. Thanks to Soyna who suggested that Sephiroth be sent on vacation to hunt monsters in step 26. Also in 26, when Sephiroth mentions thanking the cookie for being delicious, it's a reference to Heroic Age, where at the beginning Age thanks the octopus creature he feeds on.