Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Reintegration ❯ Part 5 ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: MikariStar 
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.22.2012 | Pages: 6 | Words: 8.9K | Visits: 287 | Status: Completed
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Comedy / Adventure | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.22.2012 | Pages: 6 | Words: 8.9K | Visits: 287 | Status: Completed
Reintegration
Sephiroth's Point of View
Step 30: Cheer Up
The Turks, Rufus and I are currently in the president's office at Shinra HQ. Rufus is going on about something or other while Blaze pecks his paperwork after Reno set him down on the desk, but I'm not really listening. Maybe it's sleep deprivation, for which I blame Reno, or maybe it's the feeling of being lied to, but I'm feeling very cranky and impatient today.
I turn away and walk, I can faintly distinguish the sound of Rufus' voice in the background, which pauses as I mutter, "not Lazard," reminding myself that the director's brother is not the director, he's not a trusted friend.
"Sephiroth," I think it was Tseng who called me, but I blocked out their voices and kept walking. I walked until I was out of headquarters; only faintly aware that I was being followed, yet knowing it to be true.
xoxox xox xoxox
I kept walking until I reached the Seventh Heaven and sat there. "Welcome, it's unusual to see all of you here at this time," Tifa greets; Tseng, Reno, Rude and Elena are with me.
Cloud seems to be out, a fact for which I'm thankful; I'm not in the mood to see him. "Have you ever felt like you can't trust anyone, that you're living a lie and you can't even trust yourself?"
Before Tifa can reply to my random angst, another voice does, "I have."
I turn slowly, I recognize the voice but do not wish to see him, "I thought you hated me," I glare at Cloud who had arrived just in time to hear me.
Cloud looks apologetic, much to my annoyance, "I don't, I just misunderstood something, thanks for helping Tifa that time. It would have been bad if she got hurt, I should have been there to protect her, if I haven't refused to go, then Tifa wouldn't have been in danger and you wouldn't have gotten injured helping her."
Great, it looks like Tifa and Cloud made up, worse yet, Cloud is sympathizing with me. Things just keep getting worse. I decide that it is best not to dignify him with a response.
He takes my silence as a plea for comfort and continues, "I get really depressed sometimes too and frustrated. But you just have to keep moving forward even if it's hard."
I can't take this anymore, but I manage to remain silent, fighting the urge to rip Cloud's head off with my own hands. "Oh no, not you too," it is Tifa who speaks next. "I don't want anyone moping around here; that goes for both of you, cheer up, you're healthy, you have a nice place to live, you have friends and the world is at peace, look on the bright side!"
I'm not healthy, my mind is haunted by delusions and my body is contaminated with mako, I don't have a nice place to live because Reno is my neighbor, my so called friends lie to me and if this keeps up, the world won't be at peace for much longer.
"I never noticed before, Seph," Tseng comments, breaking the Turk silence, "how much you and Cloud are alike."
I glare at Tseng so intensely, I almost expect him to burst into flames. "We are different."
"Nah, you're both emos," Reno joins in and I can't decide who I want to kill more, Cloud or Reno.
"I am not an emo and I have better hair," I glance at Cloud's sour expression, his hair is white from trying to fix his color so many times only to have Reno sabotage it over and over. It's dull, full of split ends, unlike my hair which is long, shiny and perfect.
Cloud growls at me, then directs his anger at Reno; it would be magnificent if they would kill each other, it would certainly save me a lot of trouble. "You're somehow behind my hair troubles, aren't you?"
"I didn't do anything!" Reno pleads innocence, as any guilty person would.
"Cloud, we went over this and you promised to stop blaming Reno for everything that goes wrong in your life," Tifa reminds. "You just have a hair condition, it's nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sure it can be treated."
"Yeah, listen to Tifa!" Reno grins victoriously, while Tseng shakes his head, Elena sighs and Rude remains silent. "Since I'm here, I might as well have a drink; give me the usual, extra strong!" Reno places a generous amount of gil on the counter, which no doubt includes a big tip.
"Later," Tseng takes Reno by the ear, just as Tifa sets his drink on the counter and drags him away, "we're going back to HQ. Elena, give Seph the needed information." He throws a meaningful glance at Rude as if telling him to watch her back, then leaves with a loudly complaining Reno in tow.
I can only imagine what kind of excuses Elena has for me, but even so, my mood has definitely lightened. I don't want to be like Cloud, I need to stay optimistic. Besides, even if the Turks are a bunch of back-stabbing liars, they still amuse me. Maybe one day, I'll truly be one of them, a Turk a mean, not a back-stabbing liar, and I'll have the link that they have with each other, like the bond I had with Genesis and Angeal. I miss that more than I'll admit, having someone to trust.
Perhaps that's why I'm still here, putting up with Shinra, it's the key to recovering what I lost and it's also the only place I know, it's as close to a home and family as I'll ever have. I take Reno's untouched drink and drain the glass, no one seems to mind. My throat feels like it's on fire, the drink is stronger than I imagined, but along with the burning sensation I detect the taste of "strawberry?"
"Yes, Reno likes his drinks super spiked and with a hint of strawberry. It's tricky, preserving the burn of the alcohol and getting that sweet strawberry aftertaste," Tifa smiles proudly, "it's a bartender's secret."
"It's good," I commend, while out of the corner of my eyes I see a pouting Cloud, though his eyes hold no true anger towards me, just a faint warning. "Can you make something that's just as strong as this and has an apple aftertaste?" I can't ask for a dumb apple drink, Bonara's apples are extinct, so regular apples will just have to do.
"Of course!" Tifa confidently assures, "do you want to try it now? Two of those might be too much if you're going back to work, they're really loaded."
I doubt I'll get drunk so easily, but a normal man would, not counting Reno because he's too much of an oddball to be normal. "You're right, I'll try it later, thanks," I leave a tip despite Reno having already paid, just to bother Cloud, though in a way I'm indirectly helping him since he has been freeloading in Tifa's property and everyone knows it. Even so, I don't care, I have decided to cheer up and if my will alone is enough to save me from becoming a mere memory, it shall be enough to prevent me from being an emo. "We should head back now."
"You're welcome," Tifa smiles, "see you later everyone."
"Bye!" Elena looks eager to leave, she's clearly looking forward to revealing the information Tseng spoke of and I'm ready to not believe a word of it. Rude is so quiet as he nods his farewell, it's a wonder I noticed he's still there.
As we walk back to HQ I feel I should be thankful for what I have after all. I may be a bit troubled, but I can still move around with agility and think straight, despite my stress sometimes getting to me. I suppose I could ask Tseng to let me borrow one of his houses, it's not like he can be in all of them at once, so I won't really be invading his privacy. That will do for now, everything else will have to come later.
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Step 31: Partial Truth
It was a meaningful occasion and it took place in an elevator. I wasn't expecting Elena's revelation to have such an effect one me, but somehow it did. It was as if something deep inside me was unlocked.
The elevator started going up then halted, Rude had stopped it; my reaction would decide when it would move again, how far and in which direction.
"We didn't want to tell you yet because we're still investigating and giving you only a little information might leave you feeling uneasy until you get more," Elena is putting it gently, that's for sure. "We also wanted to make sure we had our facts straight... Anyway, for now, this is all we can give you." She reached into her pocket and took out a plain small white envelope which she gave me.
Truthfully, I wasn't particularly in a hurry to open it. I even considered nonchalantly putting it in my pocket and moving on with my day, but Rude might have tried to prevent me from touching the elevator's controls until I saw the envelope's contents and admittedly I was curious.
The envelope had some weight to it, which I was surprised I could perceive. My sword is by the definition of most people very heavy, though to me it feels light, and the envelope was certainly light enough to be carried with ease by a normal person. However, considering how small and thin it was, it shouldn't weight at all.
A part of me was proud of the perception, but I quickly disregarded it and focused on finding the cause of the weight by shaking out the envelope's content out into my open palm. With a glimmer of gold, the weight was revealed to belong to a necklace, a golden chain with a heart attached to it. It appeared to be a locket, but it didn't open and I don't want to break it and look like a brute.
I looked at Elena with puzzlement, waiting for her to tell me what the connection was between the locket and my past. My guess was correct as she soon revealed, "it was your mother's. It looks like a locket but it doesn't open, the two pieces were soldered together on the sides, it's a false locket, the kind she must have spent hours trying to open only to find that it wasn't a locket at all, just a charm."
Perhaps Elena had a similar experience with an article of jewelry much like this one, but try as I did to picture the scene with my mother in place of Elena, I could not. I couldn't imagine mother doing anything, simply because I couldn't imagine her at all. If I tried too hard, I would get the picture of an alien fossil stuck in my head and it would all go downhill from there.
I pocketed the golden heart chain and noticed that there was something else in the envelope, one more thing, a picture. That's when the world felt like it came to a stop. I can't describe what it was, but somehow I knew that the woman in the picture was my mother. I could suddenly imagine her trying to open the heart charm thinking it was a locket and no alien fossils came to mind.
I don't know for how long I stared at the picture but when the reality finally sunk in I voiced a barely audible, "thank you," and inquired about her name. By then the elevator had started moving up again, though I didn't immediately notice, distracted as I was by my fascination with the picture.
"Lucrecia," Elena replied.
"Lucrecia..." I repeated it, not Jenova, Lucrecia; that was her name. "Lucrecia," I voiced the name again, committing it to memory, then the elevator doors opened and Reno received us on the top floor with his usual ramblings.
"Do you know what Blaze did just now? He jumped on the keyboard when Rufus was typing, it was so funny, it's like he wanted to help; he's such a good little chicobo. Rufus got mad because something was deleted, but he didn't get mad at Blaze, he got mad at me. Why do I always get blamed for everything? I mean sure Blaze is too cute to stay mad at, but why can't he just not be mad at anyone?" Reno continued rambling and the chicobo he carried chirped in unison, Reno is a bad influence on that bird.
We went into the president's office where Tseng casually asked, "is everything okay?"
To which Elena replied with a cheerful, "everything's fine."
"Sephiroth," Rufus spoke, calling my attention and receiving a discrete warning look from Tseng that would have escaped the untrained eye. "When you were leaving you said 'not Lazard', what did you mean?"
"I was just reminding myself that despite the physical similarities you're not him," there's an edge of bitterness in my voice that I didn't intentionally included.
"Good, because I don't want to be in anyone's shadow. I'm sick of always being Shinra, as if I'm the company and not a person, as if I'm nothing but my father's successor." It sounds like hit a sensitive spot.
"You're not..." you're not Lazard's shadow, not Lazard, not my trusted friend... But I don't want to say that, not now that I feel I might have misunderstood the earlier conversation. Not now that I have started to believe what I want to believe.
"I'm not trusted, I know that," Rufus finishes. "Maybe trying to say things gently isn't the way to earn your trust, I'm tired of this running around, either you forgive Shinra or you don't, but you can't stay in-between forever; running off and coming back, changing your mind."
"Then don't say things gently, don't sugarcoat it, I want to know. What do you think I'm expecting, a happy past that I somehow forgot? I know the details of the truth will be unpleasant. I was raised to be a weapon, that's what I am a weapon..." Something clicks into place, but it doesn't feel wrong, it feels as if I'm staring right at the truth without realizing that' it's the truth, but at the same time, I feel that I can face it if only I could understand it. My conclusion is that "I'm ready to know."
"Then I will tell you," Rufus sounds truthful and determined, I sense I can believe him. "I think I finally understand why I let you join the Turks, I thought it was due to Shinra's debt to the world, but that's not it. The reason is because I somehow felt identified with you. We both carry the burden of our fathers. Your father was a scientist at Shinra, the old Shinra..."
A scientist... could he be? "Why didn't he tell me?" I don't expect to hear an answer, "he had countless chances to tell me that he..." then the answer came to me, "of course, he couldn't tell me; it was the old Shinra full of blackmail and threats. He must have wanted to tell me, but he couldn't. It must have been difficult, but I won't hold it against him, I'm just glad to finally know who he was." Rufus and the Turks are staring at me as if I'm insane and the strangest thing is that they didn't even stare at me this badly when I was. "What?"
"You don't hate him?" Rufus manages to push the words past his shock.
"No," I assure firmly, I truly don't feel anything negative towards my father. "Even if I never knew he was my father, Gast was still a great man."
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 32: Information
The president's office remained silent for a long time. "What's wrong?" No one dared to answer. "What is it?"
"Gast..." Rufus began to speak but stopped, Tseng looked at the president, then at me, then back at the president and nodded. Rufus continued, slowly and gently, almost as if he was apologizing, "Gast wasn't your father."
"Oh..." I realize that I was jumping to conclusions, trying to believe what I wanted to be the truth. I wanted the brilliant scientist to be my father; I wanted a father figure I could look up to, perhaps to make up for the absence for all these years. "Then who was my father?" Again there is silence. "It's okay, I don't care if he was at the very bottom of the science department, I don't care if all his experiments turned out to be failures; I just want to know who he was." How bad can this piece of information be?
Rufus sighs, "this doesn't mean anything, you're nothing like him and we all know that."
Was he a tyrant, some kind of crazy, cruel mad scientist? If that's the case, how in the world did the gentle looking woman in the picture end up with him? My nose wrinkles in disgust, "it can't be, not him..." The solemn expressions on the Turks and Rufus' faces hint that if my guess is bad, it's probably right. "Hollander?"
"Not him," Rufus shakes his head.
I let out a breath of relief; it would be most unpleasant to think any trace of Hollander's DNA resides in me. "That's just about as bad as it gets, whatever the answer is, you can be direct, it can't be that terrible." I'm getting impatient.
"It's worse..." Tseng admits.
"Who could be worse than Hollander?" Maybe he was some no name scientist who did many terrible things while remaining anonymous. If that's the case, perhaps my lack of knowledge about him will make the situation easier to deal with, though I would want to know the full story eventually, no matter how many horrors it may carry.
Rufus gives me the worse response possible, the answer that I would never guess, the name I could never imagine, because it's just too terrible, "Hojo."
"You're lying..." There's no reply, no hint of untruthfulness, no hope. "The walking mass of complexes... Out of all the men in the world, why must it be the walking mass of complexes?" I massage my temples, feeling a headache coming on.
"It doesn't matter, let's just leave it in the past," Rufus is quick to insist.
I nod, "yeah, the past..." I grip the edge of his desk for support, an action that doesn't go unnoticed.
"Are you alright?" Rufus inquires as one does out of habit, despite knowing the obvious negative answer.
"I'm fine, just a bit light headed..." I'm lying, I'm wide awake, but I want to skip out on everything today, I want to take a sick day and it's working.
"Maybe you should rest," Tseng is quick to suggest, while Elena glances at me worriedly and Rude nods in agreement. I nod weakly, feeling ridiculous, and agree to let Reno walk me to the infirmary.
xoxox xox xoxox
Blaze is chirping cheerfully as usual and Reno is grinning from ear to ear, "man you're good, you deserve an Oscar!"
"Pardon?" Did Reno see through my act? Did everyone else?
"Your sick act was first class, I should know, I used to do that all the time in school," Reno commends.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I try to feign innocence.
And fail miserably, "sure you don't..."
I stop half way to the infirmary, "can I ask for a favor?"
"Shoot!"
"Can you keep it a secret if I sneak off to the archives? I want to know who Hojo was. I knew him as nothing more than," I search for the right words, "a very lame loser." My chosen vocabulary feels odd coming from me, but I think the term fits him perfectly. "Maybe he had better days."
"You don't know, no wonder you're not throwing a fit!" Reno has a big mouth.
"You mean it gets worse?" Now my curiosity is growing even more, inquisitiveness is cruel.
"Ah... well..." I think Reno has finally realized he succeeded in inserting his foot in his mouth, metaphorically speaking of course. "Tell you what, we'll go to the archives and take a look around, alright?" Reno makes his way to a vending machine and casually buys a chocolate bar, honey bread that's more honey than bread and a can of Pepsi, neither of which he opens.
I feel like I'm walking straight into a trap but I agree none the less, "let's go."
xoxox xox xoxox
In the deep basement, the gentle hum of multiple servers can be heard. The place is decked with technology, in racks reaching to the ceiling. The air conditioner is cold to prevent the equipment from overheating, but the machines generate heat, turning the atmosphere into a thermal contradiction, an antipode of hot and cold.
"Who dares to invade my territory?" An ominous voice is heard, the woman sounds commanding and firm, resembling a being from another plane of existence judging the mortals of this world and choosing who is worthy.
"It's just us," Reno responds in a very ambiguous way.
"Who are you?" I address the figure behind the glow of a computer screen, the light reflecting off her silver glasses, making it difficult to look at her in the eyes. Her messy dark hair makes her white skin look even paler.
"Information comes at a price," for a moment, the woman's resemblance to a reaper is too close for comfort.
"I got your payment right here," Reno deposits the food and drink he bought from the vending machine into her desk.
Her tone changes, "what? No fan service?"
"If you bring her back," Reno tilts his head towards a picture frame on the desk, but the image changes constantly, so I'm not sure what picture he's referring to, "and I'm drunk enough to forget your other identity."
"Too much effort," she shakes her head with an air of superiority and Reno pouts, while I find myself missing the essence of their exchange.
The picture on the frame automatically changes again and I see many happy faces, save for one, in a familiar background. It's the Seventh Heaven, Reno is there, obviously drunk, I'm sure he would be on the floor if not for the two women standing left and right from him. He has an arm around Tifa's shoulders and the other around an unknown woman wearing black and blue to match her hair, and that's what's keeping him on his feet. Cloud approaches from behind, as if to pull Reno away.
Tseng and Elena are in the picture too, next to the unknown woman, with Tseng looking only slightly drunk, but still sober enough to walk in a straight line and Elena appearing to be very drunk, her face resting against his chest, arms tightly wrapped around his midsection, face red. Rude stands quietly to the side, next to Tifa, I'm guessing he drank the most but is the least drunk. The picture changes once more before I can make any additional observations.
The unknown woman speaks, "what information do you seek?"
"Seph here wants to know about Hojo," Reno reveals.
"Sephiroth," she speaks in that portentous voice again, I do not think you will approve of what you find," I finally comprehend that this woman knows who I am, not just my real identity, but also my past.
Then it hits me, of course she's aware, she's the keeper of Shinra's databases, she knows more than anyone. All the locked records, she has access to them. "I want to know the truth, please unlock the database for me. I don't care how bad it is, I want to know."
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Step 33: Control
I try to ignore the fact that the keeper of the database keeps playing with my hair; she won't stop even when I tell her to. I try to focus on reading from the computer screen, one of them anyway, there are ten and the other nine are displaying complex codes that give me a headache just looking at them. This is probably more dangerous to my sanity than locking myself in a basement to read from books for days without food or sleep and that's saying a lot.
Hojo is far worse than I thought. He wasn't just a nerdy mass of complexes, he was bad, evil, rotten, low, disgusting, traitorous, cruel, horrible, creepy, disrespectful, lying, repulsive, deceitful, malevolent, awful, malicious, atrocious and... and... and he probably smelled bad too. "Why did I have to read this?" I lift my first in frustration, but stop when I feel a firm tug on my hair.
"Hit the computer and you're dead," I'm not in the mood to have some girl sink her claws into my face or sabotage my hair.
Instead I get up and glare at Reno, "why did you let me read that?"
"Isn't that what you wanted?" Reno inquired with genuine confusion.
I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it again like a fish. Finally I let out a breath, "you're right," saying that to Reno felt terribly wrong. None the less, the point is I shouldn't ask for the truth and complain when I get it. I didn't want to be protected from the truth like an ignorant fool who can't handle it, but now that I got the information I wanted, I think they were right to think I couldn't handle it. I would much rather be the child of a fossil than that man.
"Seph?" I feel terrible and I deduce my appearance must be bad, because Reno is staring at me as if he were looking at an agonizing man on the brink of death.
"Maybe you should take him to the infirmary," the keeper of the databases suggests.
"Yeah, c'mon Seph, let's go," I follow Reno mindlessly.
xoxox xox xoxox
I'm tired of looking at the white ceiling as I lie in bed at the Shinra HQ infirmary. At some point someone checked my vitals signs, but I wasn't paying attention. I don't think they found anything physically wrong with me that they didn't already know. Just when I thought I couldn't get anymore mentally scarred.
Blaze chirps at me and I could have sworn I sensed concern in him, but he's just a chicobo. "Blaze..." I look at the little red bird, ignoring the irritating redhead holding him. "You're not afraid of me, are you?"
Blaze chirps and I decide to interpret it as no, extending my hand to take him. Reno pauses and reluctantly deposits the little bird into my open palm. Blaze looks at me curiously without a hint of worry.
"Congrats!" Reno finally speaks, and I don't quite understand what he means.
"Who are you congratulating?" I inquire in puzzlement.
"You."
I look at him as if he's more insane than I was, or am. "Why?"
"Because you didn't go berserk, so I won't get into trouble," Reno explains.
I pause and think about his words, it's true, I'm not going crazy. I'm utterly disgusted with myself, I'm nauseous and I have the chills, but I'm not going on a killing spree. I can even hold Blaze without worrying, which I'll admit I was a little afraid of doing before since he's such a tiny fragile creature. "I feel sick, I mean really sick."
"Not just an act? Wow, I guess karma does exist, I'm glad it hasn't caught up to me," if it ever does, no doubt Reno will die a very painful death.
"I need to do something," but I don't know what. What I do know is that if I don't let out my immense frustration right now, it will push me to insanity all over again and I'll burn down the whole city of Edge. It's either that, or I'll turn into a bigger emo than Cloud, both of which, specially the second, are absolutely unacceptable.
"What do you mean?"
"About all of this, I can't keep it bottled up."
"You could yell at the top of your lungs!" Reno is quick to suggest.
I shake my head in disapproval, "I would feel ridiculous."
"I'll yell with you," he takes a deep breath.
"No! I don't need a bigger headache!"
Reno makes a face as if swallowing the scream he build up. "Cry like an idiot?"
"I don't feel like it," frankly I can't imagine it and I'm glad I can't.
"I know; you should drink yourself silly!" Reno grins at the idea.
I shake my head, "that won't solve anything," besides, it would take too long for me to get drunk, if I'm even capable of getting drunk.
"I'm out of ideas..."
After a moment of silence, I finally come up with something, "I'm going to train."
xoxox xox xoxox
A normal man would have been crushed hours ago, but I've been training in high gravity for a long time now. The machine is set much higher than the Turks usually set it, up to full capacity at 999 times normal gravity. I've been smashing training equipment with Cloud's face on it the entire time and though it helped a little, I know I need to find another way to deal with my past. I think I'm so shocked it just hasn't sunk in yet and I dread to think of what may happen when it does.
When I finally come out of the gravity room, after the machine overheats and automatically shuts down to prevent further damage, I look at my audience, now consisting of all four Turks, Rufus and Blaze, instead of just Reno and Blaze as it was when I started. "Why do we wear these suits?"
"They make you look professional," Rufus replies automatically, at least no one appears to be upset about my outburst in the training room, though I did hear Reno getting a scolding in the background when Tseng first arrived.
"Sorry about the training room..."
"It's alright, it's good that you trained instead of," Rufus searches for the right words so as to not sound offensive, "letting things get to you," and burning down Edge I'm sure he would mentally add.
I nod, not knowing what else I can say and see myself reflected on the bulletproof glass around the gravity and holographic training chamber. "My hair is flat," I observe, feeling rather dumb. Am I that desperate for a distraction? Never the less, my hair really is flat.
"You can go home and fix it, it's late anyway," I appreciate the calm in Rufus' tone, as if he's been reassured that things will be alright. It makes me wonder why I lost control before if I can handle the shock I received today, at least for now, maybe I became stronger.
It's the evening and now that my stomachache has subsided, I feel hunger catching up to me, "I'll see everyone tomorrow." I head to my apartment, blocking the identity of a certain loud mouth neighbor out of my mind. As I left Shinra that day, flat hair and terrible traumatic origins aside, I felt remarkably normal.
xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox xox xoxox
Step 34: Cars
I wonder what the Turks talked about after I left. Tseng, Reno and I live in the same building, but they didn't head for the building after work. Tseng hasn't been in his apartment lately, which is understandable with a noisy neighbor like Reno, then there's that secret mission he's been working on, which I have certainly not forgotten about.
I'm sure Reno isn't home yet, I can tell because it's quiet. I'll enjoy the peace while it lasts. I took a shower, changed and fixed my hair, blow-drying it and brushing it with more patience than an average man would have and it recovered its previous splendor.
"You're such a narcissist," I nearly jump out of my skin at the sudden voice. I don't know if what made me miss the presence was the fact that I was so focused on my hair, or that I've tuned out my senses in an effort to relax, maybe it was both.
"Reno," my voice carries an understandable amount of irritation, "I didn't hear you come in." Furthermore, I thought the door was locked. Something doesn't feel right.
"I just came to visit, don't mind me, just keep doing when you were doing," he hangs around in the background suspiciously.
I turn towards the mirror again and brush my hair, watching Reno's reflection stand perfectly still for a long moment, observing my suspicious look reflected in the mirror; then he walked out of the room. I decide it's best to follow him. He makes his way to the kitchen and opens my refrigerator, which is something that Reno would do, except he's just too quiet, "where's Blaze?"
Reno pauses, as if thinking about his answer, "at home."
"Who are you?"
He stops the pretend search in the refrigerator and looks at me, "I'm Reno, do you have amnesia?"
"Liar, you're too quiet to be Reno. The door was locked, how did you get in? Who are you? Why are you here?"
He grins evilly, this is not the look of mischief Reno gets when he's plotting to play a prank on Cloud; this expression is much more sinister. Before I know what's going on, he punches me, which sends me flying through the kitchen wall, causing me to land in the hall, stamped into the opposite wall, leaving an indentation in the shape of my body. That was definitely not Reno, but he was amazingly strong.
I recover as fast as I can and rush back to my apartment through the same hole I was thrown out. I searched the place inside out but found no signs of the false Reno. I concluded it was best to alert the Turks of the recent happenings immediately.
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We haven't been able to find any clues about the false Reno, but the damage to my apartment shows that this wasn't my imagination and I'm glad the Turks didn't think I did that myself, though they were reluctant to believe I could get thrown around like that. I don't want to believe it either, what kind of enemy is this who can disguise himself as someone else so physically accurate, though the lack of acting skills gave him away. Whoever this enemy is, he's strong and dangerous; we're on full alert.
The weekend arrived and though I feel terribly uneasy and have been plagued by nightmares lately, the Turks insist that I must try to relax and they said they were taking me shopping to help accomplish that. I really don't see how that could possibly help, it might make things worse.
xoxox xox xoxox
It's the afternoon and we're at a Shinra vehicle dealer, which sells a variety of land transportation devices. We're going car shopping, apparently the Turks thought it would help me relax if I got a new car to drive around, and obsess over. I had tried to tell Tseng that "there's a dangerous being on the loose and this is no time to go car shopping. The world could be inches away from destruction!" I went on to insist we took security measures in the city, but Tseng disagreed.
The leader of the Turks calmly replied, "the world is always in the brink of chaos and the only way the people of Edge can lead peaceful lives is if they don't know." I received a flood of information after that; the Edge mafia world is very active and if we make an obvious move, it would cause unnecessary tension that could bring a lot of casualties. That's why it's so important for the Turks to keep the balance, move in silence and walk in shadow.
Rude is quietly looking at the cars while Tseng is taking notes on a clip bored. Rufus is busy going over the specifics of a show that will take place soon; life goes on even if we know there's a dangerous enemy out there. I suppose there really is always some kind of danger out there. If people lived thinking of the risks, they would spend their entire lives in constant fear.
Elena was standing to the side looking bored and grumbling about men being slow shoppers a while ago, but she found a rather elegant little shop selling rearview mirror jeweled ornaments and appears to be entertained by it. She and a brunette woman are discussing which decorations are the best, I've never seen her before, albeit I get the impression Elena has. Judging by their conversation, of which I caught a few bits and pieces, they must not see each other often and are catching up on the regular occurrences of their daily lives.
Reno is talking to someone else, a blond man with goggles, they seem to be focused in their conversation using engine related technical terms I have seldom heard before. I never knew Reno could voice such big words. As for me, I'm left to baby-sit my little godchild, Blaze, and look around, seeking to find the ideal car, despite still not having a driver's license.
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Time passed and I finally found some cars I liked; I was torn between two different models, one black and the other silver. Rude's input was, "both," but I didn't even need one car, let alone two, yet the Turks insisted that I would feel better if I got myself a treat and reminded me that my Turk salary had not been suspended regardless of my temporary leave of absence, to put it nicely, so I could afford it. Feeling somewhat guilty, I purchased both cars and arranged for them to be delivered to the apartment building's ten story parking lot, reserving two spaces for them.
As we regrouped to leave, I learned that Reno had added a new car to his collection of vehicles, this time a red sports car and it was while he made the announcement that the blond man with goggles noticed my presence. "No #$%& way! That's Sephiroth!" I became paralyzed on the spot, realizing that I had seen him before; he was with Cloud's group long ago.
"Don't freak out Cid," Reno laughs it off, "this is Seph; he only looks like Sephiroth."
"So he does, had me worried for a second there. I'm Cid Highwind, best pilot ever."
"I'm Seph, nice to meet you," it amazes me how easily I can get away with this false identity, but I suppose the facts that I don't have my sword with me and I'm not destroying things are proof enough.
"Best pilot my foot," Reno argues, "that's my title!"
"You have a long way to go Turk," Cid argues. The exchange continues between them until we are joined by Elena and the brunette woman who I find out is Cid's wife, Shera.
xoxox xox xoxox
The afternoon went by, giving way to the evening and Rufus and the Turks, myself included, plus Blaze went out to have some dinner. Nobody was worried about getting Blaze into the restaurant, because we knew no one would dare say no to Rufus Shinra. Dinner was delicious and thankfully peaceful.
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Step 35: Transportation
Learning to drive was... chaotic. Reno, the self proclaimed all purpose pilot of the Turks, offered to teach me how to drive. How in the world he get licenses for such a variety of vehicles? I'll never know, but he does have quite the collection. He's certified to drive everything from cars and motorcycles to jets, helicopters, ships and submarines.
I wasn't the only one having driving lessons that Sunday; there was a boy, just barely old enough to drive, very eager to get his license. For a split second I imagined Reno being the same way as a teenager, then I concluded that the image was wrong, because he wouldn't wait until he had a license to start driving all sorts of vehicles. Maybe they gave him all those licenses because they knew he would drive and pilot anyway.
The boy is familiar with Blaze and seems to get along with him quite well, referring to himself as the chicobo's uncle. He does seem to have a sibling-like relationship with Reno and if they didn't look so different I would have assumed they were brothers.
This boy, who introduced himself as Chika Akatsuki has ivory hair with black highlights and golden eyes. He's just as talkative and energetic as Reno and has been getting driving lessons from him because "bro doesn't freak out like the ferryman and my old man." By listening to Chika's chatter during the driving lessons I found out that he is a student, holding several part time jobs, one at a convenience store and the other at a loan office, he lives in another city but sometimes comes to visit Edge.
The old man he mentioned is in fact his father from what I could gather, and the ferryman is his boss at the loan office. He didn't say why they called him ferryman and I didn't pry, people get the strangest nicknames for the most random reasons sometimes. Besides, between Chika and Reno's headache inducing incessant chatter, I couldn't get a single word in.
Reno drives like a maniac, though he is surprisingly capable of driving like a human being while explaining how to drive during the driver's test, as opposed to how to drive in real life. I have no doubts the styles are indeed different, one must be ready to get creative with maneuvers to survive the highway, but I don't think it's really necessary to take things to the extreme.
Headache aside, driving can be harder than it looks. It took a moment to get the hang of getting the car to do what I wanted it to. If the car is an extension of myself, it lacks the reflexes of the rest of me, but I adapted remembering the principals of video games. In games, you must adapt yourself to the responsiveness of the controls, it's not the same as being there in person; you need to work with what possible movement you have, just like in driving, except it's not as easy to see when it's not a in a top view camera angle.
Overall, after a lot of stress and plenty of annoying teasing from Reno and his monochrome haired mini-me, I finally felt that I knew how to drive well enough to pass the test, until we went off to practice the specific things needed to pass. It wasn't as simple as going from point A to point B, a lot of twists, turns and technicalities stood in way and every tiny detail had to be performed in the right order even if the outcome wouldn't be affected and you no one would ever need any of that in real life. I decided it was best not to schedule my test for a while.
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When Monday came, Rufus merrily informed me that I would be required to get my license soon, as all the Turks are supposed to be able to drive various vehicles should the need arise. I take it Reno shared the story of my driving lessons and for once the president found his antics amusing.
Rude was assigned as my instructor and I would be allowed to count the lessons as Turk training. On the bright side, Rude is a skilled driver, the down side being his perpetual silence. I had to keep guessing if I was doing things right and often remind him that I'm not a mind reader. None the less, I think my driving skills improved.
xoxox xox xoxox
My nightmares worsened, it got so bad I actually welcomed the noise coming from the floor below because I didn't want to sleep. Then, one night, it was miraculously quiet and I wondered if Reno and Blaze were even there. For a moment I feared they were murdered by the shape shifter.
I imagined the fiend disguising himself as someone else, a pizza delivery boy who randomly came uncalled in the middle of the night, Reno would take the pizza without explanations and become distracted enough to be killed. Albeit such a strong enemy wouldn't require a distraction, maybe he disguised himself as me and snapped Reno's neck before the Turk could even say "hey Seph!" and he would die thinking I went insane ran off to burn down Edge.
I panicked and rushed to the floor below. "Reno! If you're alive open the door!"
A very sleepy Reno opened the door, he was wearing red pajama pants and his goggles, why he would wear his goggles to sleep is beyond me. Blaze was cuddled in his arms, quickly falling asleep again. His hair was an even bigger mess than usual; something I didn't think was possible, yet somehow confirmed his identity, because he's a box of surprises, most of them chaotic. "Hey Seph," he yawned, "what's up?"
"Nothing, it was quiet and I thought..." you were dead. I know Tseng has been rarely staying in his apartment in this building lately, going off on secret missions, staying in one of his other houses, or going to Elena's place. Tseng can come and go quietly, leaving behind the feeling that everything is okay, but Reno always announces his plans even if no one asks him about it and wouldn't leave without saying anything.
Reno doesn't reply; he's no longer listening to me, having fallen asleep leaning on the doorframe. Somehow, he managed to hold on to Blaze in his sleep and the chicobo remained in slumber land.
"Reno!"
He jumps awake, "What? Where? Who?"
"You fell asleep standing, you should go back to bed."
"Oh yeah... good idea..." He yawns again, "didn't you have something to say?"
I shake my head but throw out the truth anyway, "just making sure you're alive."
He laughs, sounding much more awake now, "I'm a Turk! Don't worry so much and get some sleep. Staying up late has caught up with Blaze and me, I thought you would be really tired too, you sure look it."
"Yes, I'll get some rest, sorry to wake you..." I was lying; I didn't get any rest at all.
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Due to some urgent business concerning the mafia, I had no time to take my official driver's test for a few days, instead spending my time sneaking around and participating on several stake outs like a mix between a secret spy and a renegade police officer. The platinum haired yakuza lady was on the move and the balance of power in the mafia had shifted drastically. This information was gained from an individual, old enough to be a man but small enough to be a boy, who I caught when I was partnered with Reno and Rude.
He ran away and we cornered him, taking our separate ways and blocking all his possible escape routes in the alleys of the least friendly parts of Edge. He must have recognized Reno and Rude, yelling insults directed at Turks in general, accusing us of siding with 'her', except we didn't know who this 'her' was at the time.
The boy chouse to face me in favor of Reno or Rude, he must have recognized them and thought he could get past the new Turk. Needless to say the most challenging part was definitely not the fight; the hard part was restraining him without killing the fragile brat.
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII, Pepsi or Zombie Loan. Step 31 has a reference to Axel from Kingdom Hearts. Step 32 has references to Chrono Trigger and Valkyrie Profile. Sephiroth's comment about the uniforms in Step 33 was based on a review from PhinalPhantasy. In Step 34 Sephiroth getting his own transport was suggested by Dragon Reverb, there is also a reference to Men in Black there. Chika Akatsuki, who appears in Step 35, is from Zombie Loan.
Sephiroth's Point of View
Step 30: Cheer Up
The Turks, Rufus and I are currently in the president's office at Shinra HQ. Rufus is going on about something or other while Blaze pecks his paperwork after Reno set him down on the desk, but I'm not really listening. Maybe it's sleep deprivation, for which I blame Reno, or maybe it's the feeling of being lied to, but I'm feeling very cranky and impatient today.
I turn away and walk, I can faintly distinguish the sound of Rufus' voice in the background, which pauses as I mutter, "not Lazard," reminding myself that the director's brother is not the director, he's not a trusted friend.
"Sephiroth," I think it was Tseng who called me, but I blocked out their voices and kept walking. I walked until I was out of headquarters; only faintly aware that I was being followed, yet knowing it to be true.
xoxox xox xoxox
I kept walking until I reached the Seventh Heaven and sat there. "Welcome, it's unusual to see all of you here at this time," Tifa greets; Tseng, Reno, Rude and Elena are with me.
Cloud seems to be out, a fact for which I'm thankful; I'm not in the mood to see him. "Have you ever felt like you can't trust anyone, that you're living a lie and you can't even trust yourself?"
Before Tifa can reply to my random angst, another voice does, "I have."
I turn slowly, I recognize the voice but do not wish to see him, "I thought you hated me," I glare at Cloud who had arrived just in time to hear me.
Cloud looks apologetic, much to my annoyance, "I don't, I just misunderstood something, thanks for helping Tifa that time. It would have been bad if she got hurt, I should have been there to protect her, if I haven't refused to go, then Tifa wouldn't have been in danger and you wouldn't have gotten injured helping her."
Great, it looks like Tifa and Cloud made up, worse yet, Cloud is sympathizing with me. Things just keep getting worse. I decide that it is best not to dignify him with a response.
He takes my silence as a plea for comfort and continues, "I get really depressed sometimes too and frustrated. But you just have to keep moving forward even if it's hard."
I can't take this anymore, but I manage to remain silent, fighting the urge to rip Cloud's head off with my own hands. "Oh no, not you too," it is Tifa who speaks next. "I don't want anyone moping around here; that goes for both of you, cheer up, you're healthy, you have a nice place to live, you have friends and the world is at peace, look on the bright side!"
I'm not healthy, my mind is haunted by delusions and my body is contaminated with mako, I don't have a nice place to live because Reno is my neighbor, my so called friends lie to me and if this keeps up, the world won't be at peace for much longer.
"I never noticed before, Seph," Tseng comments, breaking the Turk silence, "how much you and Cloud are alike."
I glare at Tseng so intensely, I almost expect him to burst into flames. "We are different."
"Nah, you're both emos," Reno joins in and I can't decide who I want to kill more, Cloud or Reno.
"I am not an emo and I have better hair," I glance at Cloud's sour expression, his hair is white from trying to fix his color so many times only to have Reno sabotage it over and over. It's dull, full of split ends, unlike my hair which is long, shiny and perfect.
Cloud growls at me, then directs his anger at Reno; it would be magnificent if they would kill each other, it would certainly save me a lot of trouble. "You're somehow behind my hair troubles, aren't you?"
"I didn't do anything!" Reno pleads innocence, as any guilty person would.
"Cloud, we went over this and you promised to stop blaming Reno for everything that goes wrong in your life," Tifa reminds. "You just have a hair condition, it's nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sure it can be treated."
"Yeah, listen to Tifa!" Reno grins victoriously, while Tseng shakes his head, Elena sighs and Rude remains silent. "Since I'm here, I might as well have a drink; give me the usual, extra strong!" Reno places a generous amount of gil on the counter, which no doubt includes a big tip.
"Later," Tseng takes Reno by the ear, just as Tifa sets his drink on the counter and drags him away, "we're going back to HQ. Elena, give Seph the needed information." He throws a meaningful glance at Rude as if telling him to watch her back, then leaves with a loudly complaining Reno in tow.
I can only imagine what kind of excuses Elena has for me, but even so, my mood has definitely lightened. I don't want to be like Cloud, I need to stay optimistic. Besides, even if the Turks are a bunch of back-stabbing liars, they still amuse me. Maybe one day, I'll truly be one of them, a Turk a mean, not a back-stabbing liar, and I'll have the link that they have with each other, like the bond I had with Genesis and Angeal. I miss that more than I'll admit, having someone to trust.
Perhaps that's why I'm still here, putting up with Shinra, it's the key to recovering what I lost and it's also the only place I know, it's as close to a home and family as I'll ever have. I take Reno's untouched drink and drain the glass, no one seems to mind. My throat feels like it's on fire, the drink is stronger than I imagined, but along with the burning sensation I detect the taste of "strawberry?"
"Yes, Reno likes his drinks super spiked and with a hint of strawberry. It's tricky, preserving the burn of the alcohol and getting that sweet strawberry aftertaste," Tifa smiles proudly, "it's a bartender's secret."
"It's good," I commend, while out of the corner of my eyes I see a pouting Cloud, though his eyes hold no true anger towards me, just a faint warning. "Can you make something that's just as strong as this and has an apple aftertaste?" I can't ask for a dumb apple drink, Bonara's apples are extinct, so regular apples will just have to do.
"Of course!" Tifa confidently assures, "do you want to try it now? Two of those might be too much if you're going back to work, they're really loaded."
I doubt I'll get drunk so easily, but a normal man would, not counting Reno because he's too much of an oddball to be normal. "You're right, I'll try it later, thanks," I leave a tip despite Reno having already paid, just to bother Cloud, though in a way I'm indirectly helping him since he has been freeloading in Tifa's property and everyone knows it. Even so, I don't care, I have decided to cheer up and if my will alone is enough to save me from becoming a mere memory, it shall be enough to prevent me from being an emo. "We should head back now."
"You're welcome," Tifa smiles, "see you later everyone."
"Bye!" Elena looks eager to leave, she's clearly looking forward to revealing the information Tseng spoke of and I'm ready to not believe a word of it. Rude is so quiet as he nods his farewell, it's a wonder I noticed he's still there.
As we walk back to HQ I feel I should be thankful for what I have after all. I may be a bit troubled, but I can still move around with agility and think straight, despite my stress sometimes getting to me. I suppose I could ask Tseng to let me borrow one of his houses, it's not like he can be in all of them at once, so I won't really be invading his privacy. That will do for now, everything else will have to come later.
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Step 31: Partial Truth
It was a meaningful occasion and it took place in an elevator. I wasn't expecting Elena's revelation to have such an effect one me, but somehow it did. It was as if something deep inside me was unlocked.
The elevator started going up then halted, Rude had stopped it; my reaction would decide when it would move again, how far and in which direction.
"We didn't want to tell you yet because we're still investigating and giving you only a little information might leave you feeling uneasy until you get more," Elena is putting it gently, that's for sure. "We also wanted to make sure we had our facts straight... Anyway, for now, this is all we can give you." She reached into her pocket and took out a plain small white envelope which she gave me.
Truthfully, I wasn't particularly in a hurry to open it. I even considered nonchalantly putting it in my pocket and moving on with my day, but Rude might have tried to prevent me from touching the elevator's controls until I saw the envelope's contents and admittedly I was curious.
The envelope had some weight to it, which I was surprised I could perceive. My sword is by the definition of most people very heavy, though to me it feels light, and the envelope was certainly light enough to be carried with ease by a normal person. However, considering how small and thin it was, it shouldn't weight at all.
A part of me was proud of the perception, but I quickly disregarded it and focused on finding the cause of the weight by shaking out the envelope's content out into my open palm. With a glimmer of gold, the weight was revealed to belong to a necklace, a golden chain with a heart attached to it. It appeared to be a locket, but it didn't open and I don't want to break it and look like a brute.
I looked at Elena with puzzlement, waiting for her to tell me what the connection was between the locket and my past. My guess was correct as she soon revealed, "it was your mother's. It looks like a locket but it doesn't open, the two pieces were soldered together on the sides, it's a false locket, the kind she must have spent hours trying to open only to find that it wasn't a locket at all, just a charm."
Perhaps Elena had a similar experience with an article of jewelry much like this one, but try as I did to picture the scene with my mother in place of Elena, I could not. I couldn't imagine mother doing anything, simply because I couldn't imagine her at all. If I tried too hard, I would get the picture of an alien fossil stuck in my head and it would all go downhill from there.
I pocketed the golden heart chain and noticed that there was something else in the envelope, one more thing, a picture. That's when the world felt like it came to a stop. I can't describe what it was, but somehow I knew that the woman in the picture was my mother. I could suddenly imagine her trying to open the heart charm thinking it was a locket and no alien fossils came to mind.
I don't know for how long I stared at the picture but when the reality finally sunk in I voiced a barely audible, "thank you," and inquired about her name. By then the elevator had started moving up again, though I didn't immediately notice, distracted as I was by my fascination with the picture.
"Lucrecia," Elena replied.
"Lucrecia..." I repeated it, not Jenova, Lucrecia; that was her name. "Lucrecia," I voiced the name again, committing it to memory, then the elevator doors opened and Reno received us on the top floor with his usual ramblings.
"Do you know what Blaze did just now? He jumped on the keyboard when Rufus was typing, it was so funny, it's like he wanted to help; he's such a good little chicobo. Rufus got mad because something was deleted, but he didn't get mad at Blaze, he got mad at me. Why do I always get blamed for everything? I mean sure Blaze is too cute to stay mad at, but why can't he just not be mad at anyone?" Reno continued rambling and the chicobo he carried chirped in unison, Reno is a bad influence on that bird.
We went into the president's office where Tseng casually asked, "is everything okay?"
To which Elena replied with a cheerful, "everything's fine."
"Sephiroth," Rufus spoke, calling my attention and receiving a discrete warning look from Tseng that would have escaped the untrained eye. "When you were leaving you said 'not Lazard', what did you mean?"
"I was just reminding myself that despite the physical similarities you're not him," there's an edge of bitterness in my voice that I didn't intentionally included.
"Good, because I don't want to be in anyone's shadow. I'm sick of always being Shinra, as if I'm the company and not a person, as if I'm nothing but my father's successor." It sounds like hit a sensitive spot.
"You're not..." you're not Lazard's shadow, not Lazard, not my trusted friend... But I don't want to say that, not now that I feel I might have misunderstood the earlier conversation. Not now that I have started to believe what I want to believe.
"I'm not trusted, I know that," Rufus finishes. "Maybe trying to say things gently isn't the way to earn your trust, I'm tired of this running around, either you forgive Shinra or you don't, but you can't stay in-between forever; running off and coming back, changing your mind."
"Then don't say things gently, don't sugarcoat it, I want to know. What do you think I'm expecting, a happy past that I somehow forgot? I know the details of the truth will be unpleasant. I was raised to be a weapon, that's what I am a weapon..." Something clicks into place, but it doesn't feel wrong, it feels as if I'm staring right at the truth without realizing that' it's the truth, but at the same time, I feel that I can face it if only I could understand it. My conclusion is that "I'm ready to know."
"Then I will tell you," Rufus sounds truthful and determined, I sense I can believe him. "I think I finally understand why I let you join the Turks, I thought it was due to Shinra's debt to the world, but that's not it. The reason is because I somehow felt identified with you. We both carry the burden of our fathers. Your father was a scientist at Shinra, the old Shinra..."
A scientist... could he be? "Why didn't he tell me?" I don't expect to hear an answer, "he had countless chances to tell me that he..." then the answer came to me, "of course, he couldn't tell me; it was the old Shinra full of blackmail and threats. He must have wanted to tell me, but he couldn't. It must have been difficult, but I won't hold it against him, I'm just glad to finally know who he was." Rufus and the Turks are staring at me as if I'm insane and the strangest thing is that they didn't even stare at me this badly when I was. "What?"
"You don't hate him?" Rufus manages to push the words past his shock.
"No," I assure firmly, I truly don't feel anything negative towards my father. "Even if I never knew he was my father, Gast was still a great man."
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Step 32: Information
The president's office remained silent for a long time. "What's wrong?" No one dared to answer. "What is it?"
"Gast..." Rufus began to speak but stopped, Tseng looked at the president, then at me, then back at the president and nodded. Rufus continued, slowly and gently, almost as if he was apologizing, "Gast wasn't your father."
"Oh..." I realize that I was jumping to conclusions, trying to believe what I wanted to be the truth. I wanted the brilliant scientist to be my father; I wanted a father figure I could look up to, perhaps to make up for the absence for all these years. "Then who was my father?" Again there is silence. "It's okay, I don't care if he was at the very bottom of the science department, I don't care if all his experiments turned out to be failures; I just want to know who he was." How bad can this piece of information be?
Rufus sighs, "this doesn't mean anything, you're nothing like him and we all know that."
Was he a tyrant, some kind of crazy, cruel mad scientist? If that's the case, how in the world did the gentle looking woman in the picture end up with him? My nose wrinkles in disgust, "it can't be, not him..." The solemn expressions on the Turks and Rufus' faces hint that if my guess is bad, it's probably right. "Hollander?"
"Not him," Rufus shakes his head.
I let out a breath of relief; it would be most unpleasant to think any trace of Hollander's DNA resides in me. "That's just about as bad as it gets, whatever the answer is, you can be direct, it can't be that terrible." I'm getting impatient.
"It's worse..." Tseng admits.
"Who could be worse than Hollander?" Maybe he was some no name scientist who did many terrible things while remaining anonymous. If that's the case, perhaps my lack of knowledge about him will make the situation easier to deal with, though I would want to know the full story eventually, no matter how many horrors it may carry.
Rufus gives me the worse response possible, the answer that I would never guess, the name I could never imagine, because it's just too terrible, "Hojo."
"You're lying..." There's no reply, no hint of untruthfulness, no hope. "The walking mass of complexes... Out of all the men in the world, why must it be the walking mass of complexes?" I massage my temples, feeling a headache coming on.
"It doesn't matter, let's just leave it in the past," Rufus is quick to insist.
I nod, "yeah, the past..." I grip the edge of his desk for support, an action that doesn't go unnoticed.
"Are you alright?" Rufus inquires as one does out of habit, despite knowing the obvious negative answer.
"I'm fine, just a bit light headed..." I'm lying, I'm wide awake, but I want to skip out on everything today, I want to take a sick day and it's working.
"Maybe you should rest," Tseng is quick to suggest, while Elena glances at me worriedly and Rude nods in agreement. I nod weakly, feeling ridiculous, and agree to let Reno walk me to the infirmary.
xoxox xox xoxox
Blaze is chirping cheerfully as usual and Reno is grinning from ear to ear, "man you're good, you deserve an Oscar!"
"Pardon?" Did Reno see through my act? Did everyone else?
"Your sick act was first class, I should know, I used to do that all the time in school," Reno commends.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I try to feign innocence.
And fail miserably, "sure you don't..."
I stop half way to the infirmary, "can I ask for a favor?"
"Shoot!"
"Can you keep it a secret if I sneak off to the archives? I want to know who Hojo was. I knew him as nothing more than," I search for the right words, "a very lame loser." My chosen vocabulary feels odd coming from me, but I think the term fits him perfectly. "Maybe he had better days."
"You don't know, no wonder you're not throwing a fit!" Reno has a big mouth.
"You mean it gets worse?" Now my curiosity is growing even more, inquisitiveness is cruel.
"Ah... well..." I think Reno has finally realized he succeeded in inserting his foot in his mouth, metaphorically speaking of course. "Tell you what, we'll go to the archives and take a look around, alright?" Reno makes his way to a vending machine and casually buys a chocolate bar, honey bread that's more honey than bread and a can of Pepsi, neither of which he opens.
I feel like I'm walking straight into a trap but I agree none the less, "let's go."
xoxox xox xoxox
In the deep basement, the gentle hum of multiple servers can be heard. The place is decked with technology, in racks reaching to the ceiling. The air conditioner is cold to prevent the equipment from overheating, but the machines generate heat, turning the atmosphere into a thermal contradiction, an antipode of hot and cold.
"Who dares to invade my territory?" An ominous voice is heard, the woman sounds commanding and firm, resembling a being from another plane of existence judging the mortals of this world and choosing who is worthy.
"It's just us," Reno responds in a very ambiguous way.
"Who are you?" I address the figure behind the glow of a computer screen, the light reflecting off her silver glasses, making it difficult to look at her in the eyes. Her messy dark hair makes her white skin look even paler.
"Information comes at a price," for a moment, the woman's resemblance to a reaper is too close for comfort.
"I got your payment right here," Reno deposits the food and drink he bought from the vending machine into her desk.
Her tone changes, "what? No fan service?"
"If you bring her back," Reno tilts his head towards a picture frame on the desk, but the image changes constantly, so I'm not sure what picture he's referring to, "and I'm drunk enough to forget your other identity."
"Too much effort," she shakes her head with an air of superiority and Reno pouts, while I find myself missing the essence of their exchange.
The picture on the frame automatically changes again and I see many happy faces, save for one, in a familiar background. It's the Seventh Heaven, Reno is there, obviously drunk, I'm sure he would be on the floor if not for the two women standing left and right from him. He has an arm around Tifa's shoulders and the other around an unknown woman wearing black and blue to match her hair, and that's what's keeping him on his feet. Cloud approaches from behind, as if to pull Reno away.
Tseng and Elena are in the picture too, next to the unknown woman, with Tseng looking only slightly drunk, but still sober enough to walk in a straight line and Elena appearing to be very drunk, her face resting against his chest, arms tightly wrapped around his midsection, face red. Rude stands quietly to the side, next to Tifa, I'm guessing he drank the most but is the least drunk. The picture changes once more before I can make any additional observations.
The unknown woman speaks, "what information do you seek?"
"Seph here wants to know about Hojo," Reno reveals.
"Sephiroth," she speaks in that portentous voice again, I do not think you will approve of what you find," I finally comprehend that this woman knows who I am, not just my real identity, but also my past.
Then it hits me, of course she's aware, she's the keeper of Shinra's databases, she knows more than anyone. All the locked records, she has access to them. "I want to know the truth, please unlock the database for me. I don't care how bad it is, I want to know."
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Step 33: Control
I try to ignore the fact that the keeper of the database keeps playing with my hair; she won't stop even when I tell her to. I try to focus on reading from the computer screen, one of them anyway, there are ten and the other nine are displaying complex codes that give me a headache just looking at them. This is probably more dangerous to my sanity than locking myself in a basement to read from books for days without food or sleep and that's saying a lot.
Hojo is far worse than I thought. He wasn't just a nerdy mass of complexes, he was bad, evil, rotten, low, disgusting, traitorous, cruel, horrible, creepy, disrespectful, lying, repulsive, deceitful, malevolent, awful, malicious, atrocious and... and... and he probably smelled bad too. "Why did I have to read this?" I lift my first in frustration, but stop when I feel a firm tug on my hair.
"Hit the computer and you're dead," I'm not in the mood to have some girl sink her claws into my face or sabotage my hair.
Instead I get up and glare at Reno, "why did you let me read that?"
"Isn't that what you wanted?" Reno inquired with genuine confusion.
I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it again like a fish. Finally I let out a breath, "you're right," saying that to Reno felt terribly wrong. None the less, the point is I shouldn't ask for the truth and complain when I get it. I didn't want to be protected from the truth like an ignorant fool who can't handle it, but now that I got the information I wanted, I think they were right to think I couldn't handle it. I would much rather be the child of a fossil than that man.
"Seph?" I feel terrible and I deduce my appearance must be bad, because Reno is staring at me as if he were looking at an agonizing man on the brink of death.
"Maybe you should take him to the infirmary," the keeper of the databases suggests.
"Yeah, c'mon Seph, let's go," I follow Reno mindlessly.
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I'm tired of looking at the white ceiling as I lie in bed at the Shinra HQ infirmary. At some point someone checked my vitals signs, but I wasn't paying attention. I don't think they found anything physically wrong with me that they didn't already know. Just when I thought I couldn't get anymore mentally scarred.
Blaze chirps at me and I could have sworn I sensed concern in him, but he's just a chicobo. "Blaze..." I look at the little red bird, ignoring the irritating redhead holding him. "You're not afraid of me, are you?"
Blaze chirps and I decide to interpret it as no, extending my hand to take him. Reno pauses and reluctantly deposits the little bird into my open palm. Blaze looks at me curiously without a hint of worry.
"Congrats!" Reno finally speaks, and I don't quite understand what he means.
"Who are you congratulating?" I inquire in puzzlement.
"You."
I look at him as if he's more insane than I was, or am. "Why?"
"Because you didn't go berserk, so I won't get into trouble," Reno explains.
I pause and think about his words, it's true, I'm not going crazy. I'm utterly disgusted with myself, I'm nauseous and I have the chills, but I'm not going on a killing spree. I can even hold Blaze without worrying, which I'll admit I was a little afraid of doing before since he's such a tiny fragile creature. "I feel sick, I mean really sick."
"Not just an act? Wow, I guess karma does exist, I'm glad it hasn't caught up to me," if it ever does, no doubt Reno will die a very painful death.
"I need to do something," but I don't know what. What I do know is that if I don't let out my immense frustration right now, it will push me to insanity all over again and I'll burn down the whole city of Edge. It's either that, or I'll turn into a bigger emo than Cloud, both of which, specially the second, are absolutely unacceptable.
"What do you mean?"
"About all of this, I can't keep it bottled up."
"You could yell at the top of your lungs!" Reno is quick to suggest.
I shake my head in disapproval, "I would feel ridiculous."
"I'll yell with you," he takes a deep breath.
"No! I don't need a bigger headache!"
Reno makes a face as if swallowing the scream he build up. "Cry like an idiot?"
"I don't feel like it," frankly I can't imagine it and I'm glad I can't.
"I know; you should drink yourself silly!" Reno grins at the idea.
I shake my head, "that won't solve anything," besides, it would take too long for me to get drunk, if I'm even capable of getting drunk.
"I'm out of ideas..."
After a moment of silence, I finally come up with something, "I'm going to train."
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A normal man would have been crushed hours ago, but I've been training in high gravity for a long time now. The machine is set much higher than the Turks usually set it, up to full capacity at 999 times normal gravity. I've been smashing training equipment with Cloud's face on it the entire time and though it helped a little, I know I need to find another way to deal with my past. I think I'm so shocked it just hasn't sunk in yet and I dread to think of what may happen when it does.
When I finally come out of the gravity room, after the machine overheats and automatically shuts down to prevent further damage, I look at my audience, now consisting of all four Turks, Rufus and Blaze, instead of just Reno and Blaze as it was when I started. "Why do we wear these suits?"
"They make you look professional," Rufus replies automatically, at least no one appears to be upset about my outburst in the training room, though I did hear Reno getting a scolding in the background when Tseng first arrived.
"Sorry about the training room..."
"It's alright, it's good that you trained instead of," Rufus searches for the right words so as to not sound offensive, "letting things get to you," and burning down Edge I'm sure he would mentally add.
I nod, not knowing what else I can say and see myself reflected on the bulletproof glass around the gravity and holographic training chamber. "My hair is flat," I observe, feeling rather dumb. Am I that desperate for a distraction? Never the less, my hair really is flat.
"You can go home and fix it, it's late anyway," I appreciate the calm in Rufus' tone, as if he's been reassured that things will be alright. It makes me wonder why I lost control before if I can handle the shock I received today, at least for now, maybe I became stronger.
It's the evening and now that my stomachache has subsided, I feel hunger catching up to me, "I'll see everyone tomorrow." I head to my apartment, blocking the identity of a certain loud mouth neighbor out of my mind. As I left Shinra that day, flat hair and terrible traumatic origins aside, I felt remarkably normal.
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Step 34: Cars
I wonder what the Turks talked about after I left. Tseng, Reno and I live in the same building, but they didn't head for the building after work. Tseng hasn't been in his apartment lately, which is understandable with a noisy neighbor like Reno, then there's that secret mission he's been working on, which I have certainly not forgotten about.
I'm sure Reno isn't home yet, I can tell because it's quiet. I'll enjoy the peace while it lasts. I took a shower, changed and fixed my hair, blow-drying it and brushing it with more patience than an average man would have and it recovered its previous splendor.
"You're such a narcissist," I nearly jump out of my skin at the sudden voice. I don't know if what made me miss the presence was the fact that I was so focused on my hair, or that I've tuned out my senses in an effort to relax, maybe it was both.
"Reno," my voice carries an understandable amount of irritation, "I didn't hear you come in." Furthermore, I thought the door was locked. Something doesn't feel right.
"I just came to visit, don't mind me, just keep doing when you were doing," he hangs around in the background suspiciously.
I turn towards the mirror again and brush my hair, watching Reno's reflection stand perfectly still for a long moment, observing my suspicious look reflected in the mirror; then he walked out of the room. I decide it's best to follow him. He makes his way to the kitchen and opens my refrigerator, which is something that Reno would do, except he's just too quiet, "where's Blaze?"
Reno pauses, as if thinking about his answer, "at home."
"Who are you?"
He stops the pretend search in the refrigerator and looks at me, "I'm Reno, do you have amnesia?"
"Liar, you're too quiet to be Reno. The door was locked, how did you get in? Who are you? Why are you here?"
He grins evilly, this is not the look of mischief Reno gets when he's plotting to play a prank on Cloud; this expression is much more sinister. Before I know what's going on, he punches me, which sends me flying through the kitchen wall, causing me to land in the hall, stamped into the opposite wall, leaving an indentation in the shape of my body. That was definitely not Reno, but he was amazingly strong.
I recover as fast as I can and rush back to my apartment through the same hole I was thrown out. I searched the place inside out but found no signs of the false Reno. I concluded it was best to alert the Turks of the recent happenings immediately.
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We haven't been able to find any clues about the false Reno, but the damage to my apartment shows that this wasn't my imagination and I'm glad the Turks didn't think I did that myself, though they were reluctant to believe I could get thrown around like that. I don't want to believe it either, what kind of enemy is this who can disguise himself as someone else so physically accurate, though the lack of acting skills gave him away. Whoever this enemy is, he's strong and dangerous; we're on full alert.
The weekend arrived and though I feel terribly uneasy and have been plagued by nightmares lately, the Turks insist that I must try to relax and they said they were taking me shopping to help accomplish that. I really don't see how that could possibly help, it might make things worse.
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It's the afternoon and we're at a Shinra vehicle dealer, which sells a variety of land transportation devices. We're going car shopping, apparently the Turks thought it would help me relax if I got a new car to drive around, and obsess over. I had tried to tell Tseng that "there's a dangerous being on the loose and this is no time to go car shopping. The world could be inches away from destruction!" I went on to insist we took security measures in the city, but Tseng disagreed.
The leader of the Turks calmly replied, "the world is always in the brink of chaos and the only way the people of Edge can lead peaceful lives is if they don't know." I received a flood of information after that; the Edge mafia world is very active and if we make an obvious move, it would cause unnecessary tension that could bring a lot of casualties. That's why it's so important for the Turks to keep the balance, move in silence and walk in shadow.
Rude is quietly looking at the cars while Tseng is taking notes on a clip bored. Rufus is busy going over the specifics of a show that will take place soon; life goes on even if we know there's a dangerous enemy out there. I suppose there really is always some kind of danger out there. If people lived thinking of the risks, they would spend their entire lives in constant fear.
Elena was standing to the side looking bored and grumbling about men being slow shoppers a while ago, but she found a rather elegant little shop selling rearview mirror jeweled ornaments and appears to be entertained by it. She and a brunette woman are discussing which decorations are the best, I've never seen her before, albeit I get the impression Elena has. Judging by their conversation, of which I caught a few bits and pieces, they must not see each other often and are catching up on the regular occurrences of their daily lives.
Reno is talking to someone else, a blond man with goggles, they seem to be focused in their conversation using engine related technical terms I have seldom heard before. I never knew Reno could voice such big words. As for me, I'm left to baby-sit my little godchild, Blaze, and look around, seeking to find the ideal car, despite still not having a driver's license.
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Time passed and I finally found some cars I liked; I was torn between two different models, one black and the other silver. Rude's input was, "both," but I didn't even need one car, let alone two, yet the Turks insisted that I would feel better if I got myself a treat and reminded me that my Turk salary had not been suspended regardless of my temporary leave of absence, to put it nicely, so I could afford it. Feeling somewhat guilty, I purchased both cars and arranged for them to be delivered to the apartment building's ten story parking lot, reserving two spaces for them.
As we regrouped to leave, I learned that Reno had added a new car to his collection of vehicles, this time a red sports car and it was while he made the announcement that the blond man with goggles noticed my presence. "No #$%& way! That's Sephiroth!" I became paralyzed on the spot, realizing that I had seen him before; he was with Cloud's group long ago.
"Don't freak out Cid," Reno laughs it off, "this is Seph; he only looks like Sephiroth."
"So he does, had me worried for a second there. I'm Cid Highwind, best pilot ever."
"I'm Seph, nice to meet you," it amazes me how easily I can get away with this false identity, but I suppose the facts that I don't have my sword with me and I'm not destroying things are proof enough.
"Best pilot my foot," Reno argues, "that's my title!"
"You have a long way to go Turk," Cid argues. The exchange continues between them until we are joined by Elena and the brunette woman who I find out is Cid's wife, Shera.
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The afternoon went by, giving way to the evening and Rufus and the Turks, myself included, plus Blaze went out to have some dinner. Nobody was worried about getting Blaze into the restaurant, because we knew no one would dare say no to Rufus Shinra. Dinner was delicious and thankfully peaceful.
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Step 35: Transportation
Learning to drive was... chaotic. Reno, the self proclaimed all purpose pilot of the Turks, offered to teach me how to drive. How in the world he get licenses for such a variety of vehicles? I'll never know, but he does have quite the collection. He's certified to drive everything from cars and motorcycles to jets, helicopters, ships and submarines.
I wasn't the only one having driving lessons that Sunday; there was a boy, just barely old enough to drive, very eager to get his license. For a split second I imagined Reno being the same way as a teenager, then I concluded that the image was wrong, because he wouldn't wait until he had a license to start driving all sorts of vehicles. Maybe they gave him all those licenses because they knew he would drive and pilot anyway.
The boy is familiar with Blaze and seems to get along with him quite well, referring to himself as the chicobo's uncle. He does seem to have a sibling-like relationship with Reno and if they didn't look so different I would have assumed they were brothers.
This boy, who introduced himself as Chika Akatsuki has ivory hair with black highlights and golden eyes. He's just as talkative and energetic as Reno and has been getting driving lessons from him because "bro doesn't freak out like the ferryman and my old man." By listening to Chika's chatter during the driving lessons I found out that he is a student, holding several part time jobs, one at a convenience store and the other at a loan office, he lives in another city but sometimes comes to visit Edge.
The old man he mentioned is in fact his father from what I could gather, and the ferryman is his boss at the loan office. He didn't say why they called him ferryman and I didn't pry, people get the strangest nicknames for the most random reasons sometimes. Besides, between Chika and Reno's headache inducing incessant chatter, I couldn't get a single word in.
Reno drives like a maniac, though he is surprisingly capable of driving like a human being while explaining how to drive during the driver's test, as opposed to how to drive in real life. I have no doubts the styles are indeed different, one must be ready to get creative with maneuvers to survive the highway, but I don't think it's really necessary to take things to the extreme.
Headache aside, driving can be harder than it looks. It took a moment to get the hang of getting the car to do what I wanted it to. If the car is an extension of myself, it lacks the reflexes of the rest of me, but I adapted remembering the principals of video games. In games, you must adapt yourself to the responsiveness of the controls, it's not the same as being there in person; you need to work with what possible movement you have, just like in driving, except it's not as easy to see when it's not a in a top view camera angle.
Overall, after a lot of stress and plenty of annoying teasing from Reno and his monochrome haired mini-me, I finally felt that I knew how to drive well enough to pass the test, until we went off to practice the specific things needed to pass. It wasn't as simple as going from point A to point B, a lot of twists, turns and technicalities stood in way and every tiny detail had to be performed in the right order even if the outcome wouldn't be affected and you no one would ever need any of that in real life. I decided it was best not to schedule my test for a while.
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When Monday came, Rufus merrily informed me that I would be required to get my license soon, as all the Turks are supposed to be able to drive various vehicles should the need arise. I take it Reno shared the story of my driving lessons and for once the president found his antics amusing.
Rude was assigned as my instructor and I would be allowed to count the lessons as Turk training. On the bright side, Rude is a skilled driver, the down side being his perpetual silence. I had to keep guessing if I was doing things right and often remind him that I'm not a mind reader. None the less, I think my driving skills improved.
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My nightmares worsened, it got so bad I actually welcomed the noise coming from the floor below because I didn't want to sleep. Then, one night, it was miraculously quiet and I wondered if Reno and Blaze were even there. For a moment I feared they were murdered by the shape shifter.
I imagined the fiend disguising himself as someone else, a pizza delivery boy who randomly came uncalled in the middle of the night, Reno would take the pizza without explanations and become distracted enough to be killed. Albeit such a strong enemy wouldn't require a distraction, maybe he disguised himself as me and snapped Reno's neck before the Turk could even say "hey Seph!" and he would die thinking I went insane ran off to burn down Edge.
I panicked and rushed to the floor below. "Reno! If you're alive open the door!"
A very sleepy Reno opened the door, he was wearing red pajama pants and his goggles, why he would wear his goggles to sleep is beyond me. Blaze was cuddled in his arms, quickly falling asleep again. His hair was an even bigger mess than usual; something I didn't think was possible, yet somehow confirmed his identity, because he's a box of surprises, most of them chaotic. "Hey Seph," he yawned, "what's up?"
"Nothing, it was quiet and I thought..." you were dead. I know Tseng has been rarely staying in his apartment in this building lately, going off on secret missions, staying in one of his other houses, or going to Elena's place. Tseng can come and go quietly, leaving behind the feeling that everything is okay, but Reno always announces his plans even if no one asks him about it and wouldn't leave without saying anything.
Reno doesn't reply; he's no longer listening to me, having fallen asleep leaning on the doorframe. Somehow, he managed to hold on to Blaze in his sleep and the chicobo remained in slumber land.
"Reno!"
He jumps awake, "What? Where? Who?"
"You fell asleep standing, you should go back to bed."
"Oh yeah... good idea..." He yawns again, "didn't you have something to say?"
I shake my head but throw out the truth anyway, "just making sure you're alive."
He laughs, sounding much more awake now, "I'm a Turk! Don't worry so much and get some sleep. Staying up late has caught up with Blaze and me, I thought you would be really tired too, you sure look it."
"Yes, I'll get some rest, sorry to wake you..." I was lying; I didn't get any rest at all.
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Due to some urgent business concerning the mafia, I had no time to take my official driver's test for a few days, instead spending my time sneaking around and participating on several stake outs like a mix between a secret spy and a renegade police officer. The platinum haired yakuza lady was on the move and the balance of power in the mafia had shifted drastically. This information was gained from an individual, old enough to be a man but small enough to be a boy, who I caught when I was partnered with Reno and Rude.
He ran away and we cornered him, taking our separate ways and blocking all his possible escape routes in the alleys of the least friendly parts of Edge. He must have recognized Reno and Rude, yelling insults directed at Turks in general, accusing us of siding with 'her', except we didn't know who this 'her' was at the time.
The boy chouse to face me in favor of Reno or Rude, he must have recognized them and thought he could get past the new Turk. Needless to say the most challenging part was definitely not the fight; the hard part was restraining him without killing the fragile brat.
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I don't own Final Fantasy VII, Pepsi or Zombie Loan. Step 31 has a reference to Axel from Kingdom Hearts. Step 32 has references to Chrono Trigger and Valkyrie Profile. Sephiroth's comment about the uniforms in Step 33 was based on a review from PhinalPhantasy. In Step 34 Sephiroth getting his own transport was suggested by Dragon Reverb, there is also a reference to Men in Black there. Chika Akatsuki, who appears in Step 35, is from Zombie Loan.