Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Snow Drift ❯ Come a little closer to me ( Chapter 20 )

Imari's eyes shot open to a bugged out state; breath held, body stiff, he's in the kiss for 10 seconds before instincts kicked in forcing his eyes to close and the rest of his functions to work. The wood-workers crafty hands place themselves onto the gunbladers lithe hips getting a firm hold, which pushed Squall to deepen the kiss; his hands, once down at his side on the couch, lift to round his lovers shoulders; his hips shift a bit so that he can get a better angel to maybe climb onto Irvine's lap. Squall hummed his appreciation when Imari willingly parted his lips to his tongues intrusion; the tip brushed just past the underside of his upper lip and teeth causing Imari to shudder. He's never been kissed before, not ever, so he hopes that its being done right because Squall can really kiss. Every brush of his tongue is carefully done yet without plan, his-... his-..!? Shoving away, Imari looks down at his lap with a blush.

Squall looks ready to kill someone but his features soon soften as he remembers that this man before him, though he is, he also isn't Irvine. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"Ask a question." Replies the man, with a laugh, to the apology. Imari remained silent for a moment then with a smile he laughs again faintly. "So, Irvine's gay- and he's with you!" He nods at Squall. "Can't say that I saw something like that coming. ...Were you... very close?"

"Yes." He wets his mouth.

"Then I guess I owe you the apology; I'm sorry for almost having your lover cheat on you." He says sincerely.

Squall nods his thank you, though, he's more relieved than he can say. Wanting to break the awkward air growing, he says. "We've known each other since we were kids; we grew up in the same orphanage on a beach in the south." Squall felt guilty for saying that since out of everyone he grew up with he doesn't remember Irvine being there; and now its Irvine who can't remember him, how's that for irony. "We were all separated at some point, though; you told me that you were adopted by a family living on the Galbadian Plains, a ranch," A small chuckle comes from him. "guess that's where his southern accent came from, living there rubbed off on him."

Imari smiled seeing how happy talking about his lover seemed to make the man. It must be nice to be loved like that; to bring emotions to surface at the mere mention of your special someone. "Is that why you made up stories to Kait calling him Cowboy Irvine?"

"Yeah, he loves the western lifestyle, Irvine does, but he's never once seen a western." With a shrug he goes on. "That's just the kind of way Irvine is; he's big on mannerism and local color. ...He wants to know it all so that he doesn't make so many mistakes, he asks so many questions from people. He's a firm believer in knowledge- righteousness too."

"I see."

Wetting his mouth again, Squall lowered gaze looks into his companies. "You kiss differently than Irvine; even that much about a person can be erased, I see." Taking the strangers hand, holding his lovers in his mind, Squall continues speaking. "We met up again over the war, we needed a sniper and it was Irvine. He knew us but we didn't know him... we were all victims of amnesia because of the G.F.s stealing our memories from us, but we soon remembered each other by his telling us."

"Wow... something like that is just weird to think about. All of you forgetting things about your past because of some monster." Blinking thoughtfully, he adds. "But you remembered, didn't you? So... there's a chance that I'll remember too."

"Yeah, that's why I think that coming home with me, being at Balamb will help you remember Irvine- yourself; the two years we've spent together as a couple and the time when we were not. Surrounding yourself by familiar things might work better for some people then just hearing about who they were. But Imari... you will try to remember won't you? You can't shut out the memories like I wanted to... you have to remember."

"I'll... I'll try." Rubbing his thumb over the gunbladers he stares at their hands joined. Its very much different than holding a woman's hand, its got calluses, rough patches, and width, but its also delicate and soft for the most part. In all his four years of memory he thought he was one for the ladies, but for a man? Which role does he play? Has he ever been... well, penetrated? That doesn't seem like something he wants to do. But then again, two years with Squall he may have actually loved it. "I'm scared... I'm scared of what it will be like to not exist anymore." Tears fill his eyes. "Will it be like dying? Or will I just stop being...?"

"I don't know. Part of me wants to comfort you and tell you that its gonna be ok, but honestly, I don't know. With us, we never forgot everything, just our past but we were always us. Its different with you, you're more like a... multiple personality." Imari scoffed hearing that. "I know its gonna be weird feeling the way you do and hearing the opposite but, if I can say anything towards that I'm glad that you're willing to try."

"Hn. Yeah, I wouldn't wanna mess up something as nice as what you have with Irvine."

Squall nods. "Little can ...he and I... we got each other, you know, we knew that we had our limits and we never tried to test them. We always made it very clear how much of something we can and can't stand and with that we were near perfect. He never made me want anything, never made me have that cold feeling I get when someone leaves me come to pass; and I never made him feel alone. Irvine hates that feeling, that feeling of complete abandonment; it scares him."

Imari watches the reflecting change the male's facial expressions as he remembers the man that for four years he thought was dead. He doesn't blame him at all for kissing him and possibly wanting more, sitting here with a stranger with your lovers face cannot be easy.

"He always let you know how he was feeling, not just the words but with everything. He let people know what made him weak so that he's never hurt. Honestly, if you used his pain to hurt him he would never want anything to do with you again. That's his limit. With me, if I walk out that's it for me. My father, he... was never around, my mother dead, all I had in life was my sister Ellone and even she was taken from me at one point."

"But you have them back now, right?"

"Yeah, and because of Irvine being gone, I'm getting a nice relationship going with my father."

"Yeah?"

"He helped me know what to do when I had only planned to just sit around and rot. He saved me in a way and I owe him for allowing me to look at Kait and give him the love that in the beginning I was afraid to." He shrugs. "I just hate the idea of anyone depending on me, wanting things, when back then I had no one."

"I can understand that."

"Do you wanna see pictures?"

"Sure! I don't have many to show myself," He watches Squall remove his wallet from his back pocket. "but I take a lot of pictures."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I took all the ones around here up on the walls." He looks over his shoulder, also pointing upstairs.

"Irvine is usually into being in the pictures rather than taking them; he likes recording video's, though. He says that its good to help Selphie with her diaries of us. We're all big on being together forever and yet he's a loner by accident."

"That sounds nice. I like being together with the people that I know." He takes the wallet filled with pictures. "The shumi's Mrs. Manaji."

"Who's that?"

"She's an elderly woman that taught me how to cook when I first moved here. I was terrible at it." He smiles at a picture of Squall and some people he doesn't know. "Seifer's the tall blond, huh? Kait told me that." He remembered what Kait said about Seifer being tall like he is.

"Yeah, that's Seifer." Pointing as he names them he says. "This is Selphie- she's like my younger sister- Ellone is older than me, Rinoa- we met her during a mission to help her cause, this is Quistis, she's like a big sister to all of us and used to be one of the instructors at school until they fired her... or maybe she quit? I kinda tuned her out because she had a crush on me and I thought that she would try to make a move."

They two of them laugh.

"This is your best friend, Zell, he's the reason I'm not mental right now having to deal with Irvine's peppy attitude towards life."

"Ahaha." Turning the picture over he sees two people standing next to each other.

"That's my dad, Laguna Loire and my sister Ellone."

"You know Laguna? The shumi's are completely in love with him. I admire the heck out of the guy too; he's done some amazing stuff from what they told me. Hard to believe he'd abandone his child."

"The world was at war and honestly, it seemed his only concern in life was finding my sister nevermind me, he didn't even know that I was alive- because my mother never told him. She dropped me off with this other woman to be raised and she died ...so I was then left in the care of Edea Kramer, we call her Matron." He turns to the next picture to point out the woman.

Imari looked at the photo hard an image flashes through his mind. "She was... stuck behind bars, like a prison... wasn't she?"

"...We trapped her beneath the clock tower during the parade- Imari, are you remembering?! Irvine!" He shakes the man's arm. He doesn't want to shove his love back inside the man's subconscious from calling him the wrong name. "Irvine?"

Shaking his head, Imari turns the picture to the next one. "I'm sorry, that's all I could see."

Fist balled in frustration, Squall calms himself down. 'I have to be patient and let it come naturally. He won't remember if its forced.' Looking at the exposed picture, he says. "That's Kait when he was one and a half. I got him a rocking Chocobo for Christmas and he loved it. That's Irvine's- your hat he's wearing."

"He really did love the cowboy thing."

"Yeah." Closing his wallet after showing the man a few more pictures of Kait he stuffs it back into his pocket. "You named him, you know. Something about finding him in the trees being the reason, because kites get stuck in trees."

Laughing he comments. "That is so lame."

"That's what I thought, but everyone else thought otherwise. ...I do like the name though. Its really cute on him, it fits." Sadly his says. "We could have been one busted up family. He loved Kait and me and would have pushed to keep him instead of putting him up for adoption like I'd wanted to."

"If this is making you upset, we can talk about something else."

"Yeah, we better. I don't wanna end up crying or something."

"I wouldn't mind."

Shaking his head, Squall leans his head on the male's bare shoulder. "Tell me about what you did in Shumi, how'd you get the name Imari Karver?"

"I didn't look like anyone else, Elder thought that I was a bundle of color so Imari was given to me. But I was Karver first, because out of all the task given to me I stunk at them, but when it came to carving wood, I was the best."

Yawning, Squall says quietly. "Living there must have really been nice."

Imari can feel wet droplets hitting his chest, tickling as they slide down his torso; so Squall is crying and trying his best not to. That's alright, he'll give him a distraction if that's what he wants. "Living there was nice, and peaceful... but after a while you kind of want something beyond that wall they have up."

"I wouldn't... I like shelter... Its relaxing and... comforting." His words are becoming more spaced apart due to drowsiness. "When did you buy a bird?"

"He was just sort of with me when I woke up in the village and... You're not interested in a word I'm saying are you?" He smiles down at the near sleeping figure.

"No... but keep talking anyway."

Cocking a brow at how rude that might have been to some people; Imari shakes Squall a little. "Can I have a look at your wallet again?"

Squall lifts his hips a bit removing the wallet, handing it over he then lays himself down on the couch. It was as if all the relief he had from finding Irvine alive was catching up with him and putting down in a blissful sleep- a much needed blissful sleep.

"Good night, Squall."

He was already gone.

Imari flips through the booklet of pictures smiling at the silly ones: Christmas party with Santa hats on everyone's head- that girl Selphie must have taken most of the pictures because someone she wouldn't be in them or she'd be on the side as if she'd set the timer then dashed into place. Pictures of them at the beach, or just sitting somewhere waiting- looks like the train station. Flipping a few more times, sure enough, there he was or at least there's a picture of him only in this picture his name is Irvine. Amnesia is such a weird thing when it happens like this. Squall may be on to something when he said its like a split personality because most people remember nothing, he remembers everything but this other self. Irvine looks happy a genuine smile on his face; he honestly doesn't believe that he smiles that way. In another picture he's making a pig-nose and sticking his tongue out while a ticked off Squall tries not to smile while clutched at his lovers side. He wondered what went on when this picture was taken. The nicest one is of the two of them holding hands, Irvine leaned over, Squall leaned up and they're giving each other a kiss. To think that his happy existance has ruined someone elses- a lot of someone elses. This was the final nail in the coffin for Imari; he will mail his letters then head to Balamb, saying goodbye personally would only keep him from doing anything to get his memory back.

...

"Are we really going back without Irvine?" Selphie asks as they take their seats upon the Ragnarok; her at the pilot. "I didn't even get to see him for myself, I wanna say hello too."

"Selphie, he said that he would come to Balamb and he meant it." Squall settles into his chair. "Let's give him his time for now. He swore that he would allow us to help him get his memory back and I believe him."

"I still wanna see him." She pouts; starting the engines the others are seated and buckled as the ship lifts into the air.

...

"Daddy!"

"Kaity!" He scoops the charging boy into his arms lifting him into the air.

The two cheep cheep at each other making Seifer roll his eyes.

"Nothing more nausiating than father and son, oh but wait here comes the grandfather bringing up the rear."

"Shut it, Seifer." Squall and Laguna say simultaniously to Seifer, through smiles at the young child.

The male only shrugged.

"Guess what daddy, Grampa said that I have a loose tooth and the tooth fairy will leave me one whole gil for it if I stick it under my pillow when it comes out. What does she want with little kid teeth, doesn't she have any of her own?"

"She does," He takes him from his father placing him on the floor, kneeling down to eye level so they can talk man to man. "but she likes to take the teeth so that babies can have teeth when they start to grow up."

Scrunching his face the boy says dramatically "Eeeuuuww!" before laughing.

"Laguna, don't fill Kait's head with that non-sense." Squall reprimands. It was cute, though, he'd give him that.

"So did you confirm what you wanted to confirm?" Laguna asks; one hand resting heavily on his bad knee in order to give him assistance to get up. He may have a youthful soul but his body is steadily trying to quit on him, damn it all.

"Yeah, its Irvine alright."

"Wow. ...So, what happened?" He takes Squall by the bicep leading him into the hall to talk privately. "Where is he, what's he been doing?"

"Irvine's not himself and... Laguna, something happened to him- he popped his head or maybe just got effected from being passed out for so long but he doesn't know who he is. Irvine thinks he's a human Shumi named Imari Karver."

"Whaat? You mean like amnesia?"

"If it were only that simple. He's known himself as Imari for so long that he believes if Irvine is going to live that he'll die and he's scared of his memories because of it. I could see it in his eyes when he was remembering Matron, one minute a glimmer of light was there and just as fast it was gone."

Laguna whistled. "Damn that's bad, worse than bad- he's like a split personality."

"I thought so. ...Laguna, you had an accident when you were younger and you hit your head ...you were alright when you woke up, though, weren't you?"

"I was a broken man living off the together that I found around myself, but yeah, I had a touch of amnesia but it passed. I remembered everything just about anyway, all but my beloved Julia and then I heard this song and it all came back to me but by then any thing between us was gone; she'd married another man lived a life and died."

"Well that's not going to happen with me and Irvine; Imari said that he'd had a crush on someone but thankfully it was only one person and she's married."

"That is lucky. Love is a hard thing to give up; if Imari had found someone I don't think becoming Irvine would be top priority on his list."

"I know that!" He snaps but Laguna isn't most people and didn't shrink back by the lion's outburst. "Which is why he's coming home to Balamb to live with Kait and me; the more he's around us the better of he'll be. He asked me for a week to say goodbye, hopefully it won't be a drawn out tearful one or I'll drag him there if I have to."

"I know you will, son. That's one thing we have deeply in commen, we're both impossible to be around when we want something." He pats his son on the shoulder.

Squall scoffed, but smiled knowing that its true. He's seen the man's devotion to his sister and he's very much the same towards the people he cares about.

"What will you do now?"

"What can I do?" Squall shrugs. "I'm gonna take Kait home and clean the place up before he comes. I want everything to look nice and be nice so that he'll want to stay."

"He'll stay, if he's willing to come at all then he'll stay. Anyone else would have turned you away regardless of what proof you have that they're someone else, but Imari wants to try so don't push him too much."

Squall wasn't sure how he would act with the man around him so he said nothing choosing to return to the living room with the others. "Do you have all your stuff together, we have to get home and clean up."

"Its already clean." Protest the boy grabbing Jojo from the couch where she was set down.

"It needs to be really clean, we're gonna have company staying with us and we want them to like our house."

"Okay." He's bouncing on the couch on his knees. "Daddy, grampa sings the goodnight song really fast and it has a drum solo."

"A drum solo?"

"Uh huh, its funny because the bed shakes and he makes silly noises."

Squall cocks his head to the man who shrugs. "He got to sleep... eventually."

"Are we going home?" Kait gets off the couch walking over to Selphie taking her hand.

"Yeah, you can go out to the ship while I get your things."

Seifer was speaking with Ellone but quickly dropped the conversation when he saw Selphie exiting the room. Zell and Quistis were seated on the loveseat minding their own business.

"I'll help you with that stuff." Zell offers following the brunet into the bedroom down the hall.

Quistis says farewell before leaving the room as well.

"So I've got some idea's on how to make Irvine remember quicker."

"What do you mean?" Squall grabs the boys overnight bag, pointing out the potty seat to Zell. 'Laguna's so weird, why would he put the potty seat in the bedroom?' He shakes his head in dismay.

"Well, Irvine thinks he's this other guy so why let him continue to sit on it? I think the minute he shows up we should have a home movies night, or take him to his favorite places... maybe we should even stop at the place where he disappeared- the area might jog his memory."

"I agree, the sooner he remembers the better. I've gone long enough without him, but, everyone thinks we should keep it low key with what he needs to know and things he used to do."

"That's bullshit, if it were you wouldn't you wanna know?" He looks at the male who only raised a brow. "Right, well if it were me I'd wanna know right away." Walking down the hall he continues his protest to his best friends doubt. "Past isn't past all the time; its what built who you are, its basically your memories and if Imari wants to deny those then we need to make him remember, because he has no right stealing Irvine's life."

"I agree with that, but we also have no right to steal his." Opening the front door he squints in the sunshine. "We should just wait and see what all he's ready to handle and introduce him to things little by little."

"Daily?"

"Yeah."

"That's the Squall I know." He grins before darting away to the ship.

'Screw Irvine's memories, I'm the only concern for him right now. The rest will come in doses once he's back to remembering me.' Reaching the rented car, he stuffs the bag into the trunk. 'I've got to find the right way to ease Kait into, though. He may not take it as well as I hope.'

"We're home! I remember this and this!" Kait points at things in the room.

'Its funny how a once nothing word like 'remember' can become so heavy.' Squall looks down at the child with a small frown. "Kait, do you have to use the bathroom?"

"No, I went on the ship."

"Come sit with me then, I have to talk to you about something."

Ceasing his recalling celebration he looks at his fathers broken expression so he joins him on the couch without trouble. "What's matter?"

"Its about your friend Imari and Cowboy Irvine."

"Did you see him?! He looks like Cowboy Irvine, doesn't he?" The boy nods hoping for his father to mimic him to confirm it.

"Kait, Imari is Irvine. He got a bump on the head and can't remember who he is, so he had to make someone up instead."

Face twisting with confusion Kait asks. "Is this a story?"

"No, its real."

"But I don't understand."

"You remember how in January you asked me to tell you about when you were a baby? And I told you about all the silly things that you did as a baby like sucking on your foot, and spilling your food?" The child nods. "Well that was a story about a real person, and that person was you."

"...Hmmm..." Is all he can say.

Squall smiled dryly wondering how to dumb it down to make Kait understand. "I told you stories to put you to sleep and while some of them I did make up, other stories really happened, and they were all staring a real person."

"Irvine?"

"Yes."

"But how come he's pretending to be someone else? Because he's famous like grampa and has to wear a bisguise?" He rocks his clown back and forth making the head cock to the side. "Or maybe because he doesn't like him?"

"That's disguise and he likes himself- very much to be exact," Squall snickered at that fact. Irvine thinks very highly of himself or at least he likes to pretend he does. "Its just that Irvine can't help it; think about it this way, you know how when you spin around you're very dizzy afterwards?"

"Uh huh."

"Well Irvine spun around so many times he can see the whole world flipping back and forth passed his eyes and he can't get it to stand still, so he doesn't know which way to walk to avoid bumping into something."

"Oooohhhh. He's all mixed up?"

"Yeah."

"Can we help him?"

"I hope we can."

"Me too. He's nice and he gives me nice things even though I was scared of him."

"Irvine is very nice."

"I mean Imari."

"Kait, remember what I told you; Imari is Irvine, he's just mixed up."

The boy nods staring down at his clown sorrowfully.

"Kait," He wraps his arms around the child, nuzzling his cheek into the boys hair. "Imari is like Jojo, the toy. It isn't alive but when you play with it, its alive to you. Irvine is playing as Imari, like make-believe. You're not a little bird are you?"

"No, I'm a little boy."

"Exactly. And Irvine isn't Imari, he's Irvine."

Sucking in a breath the boy says. "Oooohhhhhhhh. Why didn't you say that before?" He asks in a mock know-it-all tone.

Playing back Squall groans like a child. "I was tryiiiing." Tickling the childs tummy, he gives him one more hug before setting him down beside him. "What's for dinner?"

"Ummm can we have pizza?"

"Sure. You want to eat out or order in?"

"Can we eat at the pizza place; I like to watch them throw the pizza."

"Alright, take a bathroom trip then get your sneakers on."

"Okay." He dashes off to the bathroom.

'Shit, I forgot to tell him that Irvine's going to be staying with us.' He grabs his boots sticking his feet into them. 'One thing at a time. I'll tell him when the week is at an end.'

In Winhill.

Imari is finishing up his letters to all the Shumi, making sure to put Squall Leonhart's address inside so when they reply he'll get them. He has to wonder how long he'll be with those people. A month, months, a year? Will he really remember being Irvine Kinneas? A flash of Squall ran through his mind; he's such an odd person, but handsome he'd give him that. It'd be weird if he wanted to make-out or something, he may know his past life but he doesn't know him. He said it it his self that it was like kissing a stranger- or something along those lines.

Walking from the home he slips the letters into the mail box.

He locked the place up, giving it a look over before walking to the single stable beside his home to climb upon his Chocobo. He'd have to give it up as well. Mrs. Manaji agreed to keep it, she said it would help her when she goes to the market. He's sure going to miss the old gal and her husband. The two of them are card buddies. What a weird turn of events this all is; and all do to a child Irvine found in a forest. He wonders if Kait knows? Will he freak out and want him to go? Steering the large bird up the hill he starts for the elderly couples home. A three day trip to get to Balamb should be long enough to give him steady nerves and an open mind.

'A cowboy. A sniper. Irvine is a strange guy alright; how can you love people yet be a loner? How can you want something but project the other. He sounds like he's just as confused about certain things as I am.' Looking up at the moon he remembers when he was out on the field with Scout; he had raised his arms like he were holding a gun. 'Maybe he's not as gone as I think he is.'

Pal voices his opinion about Imari's mental matters, the bird would rather he remain the same person that he is now. Why change it? Why change anything? If the large bird weren't on Imari's head he might have seen the creatures eyes begin to glow.