Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Something About Sephy ❯ Special Delivery ( Chapter 1 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: Riley Maxwell 
Poor delivery guy...
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.13.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.3K | Visits: 360 | Status: Work In Progress
Poor delivery guy...
Non Anime: Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy / Adventure | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 07.13.2005 | Pages: 3 | Words: 1.3K | Visits: 360 | Status: Work In Progress
One-Special Delivery
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *snore*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *shuffle* Five more minutes...*snore*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *groan* I don't wanna go to school today...the other kids fear me...*snore*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *louder groan* Grr...dammit...
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *rolls over with pillow covering head* Kill me now...
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *twitching eye* Grrrr...
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *searching for the Masamune*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *finds Masamune and clears throat as evil fire appears from behind him* Death will come to the one who awakens the Great Sephiroth! *evil laugh*
(Authoress: Uh...your backround is still on fire...)
Sephiroth: *turns around* Aw shit! *holds up burned bedsheets* I spent a hundred dollars on these!
(Authoress: You spent a hundred on bedsheets?)
Sephiroth: *sticks out tounge* They were a QVC special. And they're 800 threat count.
(Authoress: -_-; Whatever that means...)
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *grumbling* Bastards, it's probably Rufus, immature brat. I'll kill him.
Masamune: Oh yeah, well what if I don't wanna kill this morning?!
Sephiroth: *stops* I'm your Master and you'll do as I say!
Masamune: Always with what you feel! Well what about me! I have feelings too! I wanted to be a chefs knife, but no, I was too big and heavy! Discrimination against swords is what it is!
Sephiroth: Well, stop and think about it, how many people truly use big ass katana blades as chef knives?
Masamune: Bastards.
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *opens door with twitchy eye of death* WHAT?!
Delivery Man: Good morning sir. *overly cheerful smile*
Sephiroth: *holds Masamune to the guys throat* You have precisely ten seconds to tell me what the (censored) you want, before my blade impales-
(Authoress: HAHA! Impales...god I'm so immature.)
Sephiroth: *raised eyebrow* As I was saying...before my blade impales upon your throat.
Delivery Man: *shoves small box and letter into Sephiroths hands* Special delivery for Mr. Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: I am the GREAT GENERAL SEPHIROTH to you foolish mortal! Tremble beneath my feet!
Delivery Man: *trembling and bows* Yessir!
Sephiroth: *opens letter* Hm...Dear Sephiroth, we are sorry for the inconvienence and trying times that the death of your Uncle Hue has caused...*pulls out reading glasses* Uncle Hue? I don't have an Uncle (censored) Hue!
Delivery Man: Well, according to the letter you do.
Sephiroth: Did I say stop bowing!?
Delivery Man: No sir! *bows faster*
Sephiroth: Better. Now, lets see *grumble grumble*...matters of the Estate have been resolved. Good because I ain't payin' no bills. *grumble grumble*...you have hereby inherited his vast billion dollar fortune and his residence, Black Death Manor...I like the name of that...only upon the conditions that you stay there for two whole nights.
Delivery Man: Uh, Great General Sephiroth, may I go now?
Sephiroth: Oh yeah. *puts fingers between teeth and whistles and out pops two viscously snarling doggies* My dogs haven't been fed this morning. *evil grin*
Delivery Man: OH (MAJOR CENSOR-TIVITY)!!!
Sephiroth: Now thems some good doggies. Hm...a mansion sounds nice. Now, what time is it? Ah...6:34 am. Time for bed. *walks upstairs and goes back to bed where visions of sugarplums danced in his head*
Sephiroths eyes shoot wide open and he breaths heavilly as if he had a nightmare.
Sephiroth: The sugarplums...they were *gulp* HAPPY! AAAHHHH!!!
(Authoress: The Great Sephy-chan fears sugarplums!)
Sephiroth: Shove it.
(Authoress: *sticks out tounge* Watch it, General.)
Sephiroth: What are you going to do about it?!
Sephiroth gets struck by lightning.
Sephiroth: *coughs out smoke* Bitch.
(Authoress: Shit, I forgot to censor that! Where the hell is my censor button?!)
Kadaj: *whistles innocently* So...Seph, you inherited a mansion huh?
Sephiroth: How do you pop out of nowhere? And why can't I do it?!
Kadaj: *shrugs* Dunno.
Sephiroth: Yeah, I inherited a mansion.
Kadaj: Says here you gotta stay in it for two nights before you get anything.
Sephiroth: I know.
Kadaj: Did you even open the box?
Sephiroth: No.
Kadaj: It's the house keys.
Sephiroth: Oh.
Kadaj: This conversation is very boring.
Sephiroth: I'll say.
Yazoo: BREAKFAST!
Kadaj and Sephiroth look at eachother before scrambling out of the room.
Yazoo: *sets table* Ahh..and now for me...*sneaky eyes as he walks over to cupboard and goes to search for his box of Trix cereal* What the-? Where the hell are my Trix?
Yazoo spots the white rabbit, sneaking off slowly.
Yazoo: Bastard! *pulls out Velvet Nightmare* Die!
Trix Rabbit: GAH! *attempts to evade bullets but gets shot down and faced by Yazoos death glare* Give mercy!
Yazoo: *evil grin* Silly rabbit...*shoots rabbit*
(Authoress: NNNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!)
Yazoo: *hmphs* Hmph. He'll be back. He always comes back.
Sephiroth and Kadaj scramble downstairs and find their seats at the table. Yazoo innocently whistles and closes the basement door after a loud object falls down the stairs.
Kadaj: I heard gunshots. *gobbles bacon*
Yazoo: You must've been dreaming little brother.
Sephiroth: Then why is there blood all over the floor and on that box of Trix cereal?
Yazoo: *changes subject* So who was at the door this morning? *suavely tries to clean up blood*
Sephiroth: You mean you heard the damn doorbell and you didn't answer it?
Yazoo: I was preoccupyied.
Sephiroth: Whatever. Anyways, I inherited a billion dollar fortune and a mansion.
Yazoo: That's great. So when do we leave?
Sephiorth: We?
Yazoo: Huh-duh! You can't leave us hangin' bro.
Kadaj: Yeah, we're like the future Sephs in the making. *strikes evil pose*
Sephiroth: *sniffles* That was so beautiful.
Yazoo: *hears shuffling in the basement* Uh, excuse me for just a second. *more gunshots and Yazoo comes up wearing a white smock covered in blood* Anyone for some 'steaks' tonight?
Kadaj: I don't like the way he said steaks.
Sephiroth: Neither do I, but I'm too hungry to complain.
Yazoo smiles innocently.
***
Riley: WAH! FIRST CHAPTER!
Sephiroth: You're crazy, why am I here?
Riley: *glomps Sephy* Cuz I wuv you! ^_^
Sephiroth: O_O Help me!
Yazoo: Sorry bro, this ain't my battle.
Riley: *high squeals* YAZOO! *glomps Yazoo*
Sephiroth: *evil grin* Not your battle, eh?
Riley: *_* Share the love.
Yazoo: I think she needs professional help, like a doctor or someone...
*Sephiroth and Yazoo pause turn to face eachother, and grin very evilly*
Riley: *backs away slowly* Uh..I don't like the look on your faces.
Sephiroth: I know this great doctor...*wicked smile*
Riley: EEP!
Yazoo: Luckilly I got Hojo on speed dial...*flips open phone*
Riley: Ah hell no! I'm gone! *rushes off*
Sephiroth: *snatches wrist* Tee hee...I'm gonna love this.
Hojo: Where's my new guinea pig?
Riley: EEP!
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *snore*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *shuffle* Five more minutes...*snore*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *groan* I don't wanna go to school today...the other kids fear me...*snore*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *louder groan* Grr...dammit...
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *rolls over with pillow covering head* Kill me now...
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *twitching eye* Grrrr...
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *searching for the Masamune*
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *finds Masamune and clears throat as evil fire appears from behind him* Death will come to the one who awakens the Great Sephiroth! *evil laugh*
(Authoress: Uh...your backround is still on fire...)
Sephiroth: *turns around* Aw shit! *holds up burned bedsheets* I spent a hundred dollars on these!
(Authoress: You spent a hundred on bedsheets?)
Sephiroth: *sticks out tounge* They were a QVC special. And they're 800 threat count.
(Authoress: -_-; Whatever that means...)
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *grumbling* Bastards, it's probably Rufus, immature brat. I'll kill him.
Masamune: Oh yeah, well what if I don't wanna kill this morning?!
Sephiroth: *stops* I'm your Master and you'll do as I say!
Masamune: Always with what you feel! Well what about me! I have feelings too! I wanted to be a chefs knife, but no, I was too big and heavy! Discrimination against swords is what it is!
Sephiroth: Well, stop and think about it, how many people truly use big ass katana blades as chef knives?
Masamune: Bastards.
DING DONG
Sephiroth: *opens door with twitchy eye of death* WHAT?!
Delivery Man: Good morning sir. *overly cheerful smile*
Sephiroth: *holds Masamune to the guys throat* You have precisely ten seconds to tell me what the (censored) you want, before my blade impales-
(Authoress: HAHA! Impales...god I'm so immature.)
Sephiroth: *raised eyebrow* As I was saying...before my blade impales upon your throat.
Delivery Man: *shoves small box and letter into Sephiroths hands* Special delivery for Mr. Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: I am the GREAT GENERAL SEPHIROTH to you foolish mortal! Tremble beneath my feet!
Delivery Man: *trembling and bows* Yessir!
Sephiroth: *opens letter* Hm...Dear Sephiroth, we are sorry for the inconvienence and trying times that the death of your Uncle Hue has caused...*pulls out reading glasses* Uncle Hue? I don't have an Uncle (censored) Hue!
Delivery Man: Well, according to the letter you do.
Sephiroth: Did I say stop bowing!?
Delivery Man: No sir! *bows faster*
Sephiroth: Better. Now, lets see *grumble grumble*...matters of the Estate have been resolved. Good because I ain't payin' no bills. *grumble grumble*...you have hereby inherited his vast billion dollar fortune and his residence, Black Death Manor...I like the name of that...only upon the conditions that you stay there for two whole nights.
Delivery Man: Uh, Great General Sephiroth, may I go now?
Sephiroth: Oh yeah. *puts fingers between teeth and whistles and out pops two viscously snarling doggies* My dogs haven't been fed this morning. *evil grin*
Delivery Man: OH (MAJOR CENSOR-TIVITY)!!!
Sephiroth: Now thems some good doggies. Hm...a mansion sounds nice. Now, what time is it? Ah...6:34 am. Time for bed. *walks upstairs and goes back to bed where visions of sugarplums danced in his head*
Sephiroths eyes shoot wide open and he breaths heavilly as if he had a nightmare.
Sephiroth: The sugarplums...they were *gulp* HAPPY! AAAHHHH!!!
(Authoress: The Great Sephy-chan fears sugarplums!)
Sephiroth: Shove it.
(Authoress: *sticks out tounge* Watch it, General.)
Sephiroth: What are you going to do about it?!
Sephiroth gets struck by lightning.
Sephiroth: *coughs out smoke* Bitch.
(Authoress: Shit, I forgot to censor that! Where the hell is my censor button?!)
Kadaj: *whistles innocently* So...Seph, you inherited a mansion huh?
Sephiroth: How do you pop out of nowhere? And why can't I do it?!
Kadaj: *shrugs* Dunno.
Sephiroth: Yeah, I inherited a mansion.
Kadaj: Says here you gotta stay in it for two nights before you get anything.
Sephiroth: I know.
Kadaj: Did you even open the box?
Sephiroth: No.
Kadaj: It's the house keys.
Sephiroth: Oh.
Kadaj: This conversation is very boring.
Sephiroth: I'll say.
Yazoo: BREAKFAST!
Kadaj and Sephiroth look at eachother before scrambling out of the room.
Yazoo: *sets table* Ahh..and now for me...*sneaky eyes as he walks over to cupboard and goes to search for his box of Trix cereal* What the-? Where the hell are my Trix?
Yazoo spots the white rabbit, sneaking off slowly.
Yazoo: Bastard! *pulls out Velvet Nightmare* Die!
Trix Rabbit: GAH! *attempts to evade bullets but gets shot down and faced by Yazoos death glare* Give mercy!
Yazoo: *evil grin* Silly rabbit...*shoots rabbit*
(Authoress: NNNNNNNOOOOOO!!!!)
Yazoo: *hmphs* Hmph. He'll be back. He always comes back.
Sephiroth and Kadaj scramble downstairs and find their seats at the table. Yazoo innocently whistles and closes the basement door after a loud object falls down the stairs.
Kadaj: I heard gunshots. *gobbles bacon*
Yazoo: You must've been dreaming little brother.
Sephiroth: Then why is there blood all over the floor and on that box of Trix cereal?
Yazoo: *changes subject* So who was at the door this morning? *suavely tries to clean up blood*
Sephiroth: You mean you heard the damn doorbell and you didn't answer it?
Yazoo: I was preoccupyied.
Sephiroth: Whatever. Anyways, I inherited a billion dollar fortune and a mansion.
Yazoo: That's great. So when do we leave?
Sephiorth: We?
Yazoo: Huh-duh! You can't leave us hangin' bro.
Kadaj: Yeah, we're like the future Sephs in the making. *strikes evil pose*
Sephiroth: *sniffles* That was so beautiful.
Yazoo: *hears shuffling in the basement* Uh, excuse me for just a second. *more gunshots and Yazoo comes up wearing a white smock covered in blood* Anyone for some 'steaks' tonight?
Kadaj: I don't like the way he said steaks.
Sephiroth: Neither do I, but I'm too hungry to complain.
Yazoo smiles innocently.
***
Riley: WAH! FIRST CHAPTER!
Sephiroth: You're crazy, why am I here?
Riley: *glomps Sephy* Cuz I wuv you! ^_^
Sephiroth: O_O Help me!
Yazoo: Sorry bro, this ain't my battle.
Riley: *high squeals* YAZOO! *glomps Yazoo*
Sephiroth: *evil grin* Not your battle, eh?
Riley: *_* Share the love.
Yazoo: I think she needs professional help, like a doctor or someone...
*Sephiroth and Yazoo pause turn to face eachother, and grin very evilly*
Riley: *backs away slowly* Uh..I don't like the look on your faces.
Sephiroth: I know this great doctor...*wicked smile*
Riley: EEP!
Yazoo: Luckilly I got Hojo on speed dial...*flips open phone*
Riley: Ah hell no! I'm gone! *rushes off*
Sephiroth: *snatches wrist* Tee hee...I'm gonna love this.
Hojo: Where's my new guinea pig?
Riley: EEP!