Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ Something About Sephy ❯ Need A Car ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Two: Need A Car

Sephiroth: I hate mornings...*large yawn*

Loz: *pours vodka over cocoa puffs* I hear that.

Yazoo: *shoves spoonful of Trix in his mouth* Hmmm...

Sephiroth: So as I see it, if we leave right now, we can make it there by tommorrow night. *large yawn*

Yazoo: *yawns*

Loz: *loud yawn*

Kadaj: *yawn*

Sephiroth: *yawns again*

Loz: *teary yawn*

(Authoress: *yawn*)

Kadaj: *yawn* God dammit! Stop yawning!

Loz: *yawns* Can't help it.

Yazoo: *soft yawn* It's a virus I say.

Kadaj: *rolls eyes* Anyways, there seems to be a little flaw in your plan, Seph.

Sephiroth: And that would be?

Kadaj: We don't have a car.

Sephiroth: Shit, you're right...dammit.

Yazoo: *raises hand* You could ask the Authoress for one of hers.

Sephiroth: *looks at Yazoo like he's the Devil* Are you kidding me?!

Yazoo: Why?

Sephiroth: Never.

Loz: Why Seph?

(Authoress: *evil grin* Yeah, why Seph?)

Sephiroth: She'll want me to beg.

Kadaj: And that's a problem because...?

Sephiroth: The GREAT Sephiroth does NOT beg.

Yazoo: Aw c'mon Seph. What's a little beggins anyways to a billion dollar fortune?

Sephiroth: I never beg.

(Authoress: *whistles innocently and places blackmail pictures behind her back* I'll just tuck these away for later...*)

Loz: Just do it.

Sephiroth: No.

Yazoo: Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: No!

Kadaj: Please Seph!

Sephiroth: Over my dead sexy body will I beg that woman!

(Authoress: *drools* Ah not again...*wipes drool*)

Kadaj: It's only a little bit!

Yazoo: And there's no guarentee that she'll want you to beg her anyways!

Sephiroth: No, no, no, no, NO, NOOO!!!!

Loz: I'll give ya twenty bucks if you ask her.

Sephiroth: *rolls eyes* Still a no.

Yazoo: All you have to do is say, 'Riley-sama, will you give us a car so we can get to Black Death Manor?'

Sephiroth: The word 'No' doesn't consist in your vocabularies does it?

Kadaj: ...that's besides the point...

Yazoo: What's wrong with a little begging anyways?

Sephiroth: She gets some sort of sick pleasure out of seeing me beg.

(Authoress: Who me? *innocent look*)

Loz: It can't be that bad.

Sephiroth: No, it's worse.

Yazoo: Fine, I'll ask her.

Kadaj: He's the closest thing to Seph we'll get to begging...

*Yazoo dissapears and reappears in a matter of five seconds*

Sephiroth: Well?

Yazoo: She says she wants Sephiroth to ask.

Sephiroth: Goddammit, I refuse to beg! I am not a begger! And no maliciously evil girl is going to get me to beg! I am the GREAT SEPHIROTH! GENERAL OF SHINRA, MASTER OF THE MORTALS! *backround gets set on fire again but Yazoo puts it out* I do not beg!

(Authoress: *cracks neck* We'll see about that..)

FIVE MINUTES LATER

Sephiroth: Please oh grand mighty *mumbles evil, and spawn of satan* adorably cute ruler of the universe! May I have a car?

Riley: Eh, why not. *pulls out camera and takes picture of Sephiroth begging* One for the books. *evil grin*

Sephiroth: *gets returned* O_O

Yazoo: So?

Kadaj: Do we get the car?

Sephiroth: I feel so dirty.

Loz: Hey man, you okay?

Sephiroth: *lies on floor in fetal position and rocks back and forth* Lalalala...

Kadaj: He really hates begging.

Yazoo: *holds up screen to block audience from mentally scarred Sephiroth* Nothing to see here.

(Authoress: Aw, c'mon it wasn't that bad!)

Kadaj: Sephiroth, would you feel better terrorizing a mere mortal?

Sephiroth: *nods*

Kadaj: BRING IN THE MORTAL!

Random Dude: *confused* Where am I?

Sephiroth: BOW TO ME MORTAL OR FEEL THE WRATH OF THE MASAMUNE!!

Random Dude: *bowing like his life depended on it* YES SIR!

Kadaj: There's the Seph we all know and love.

Yazoo: Alright then, lets pack up and Seph you can drive us there.

Sephiroth: *pauses* Um...see there's another problem.

Loz: *rolls eyes* What now?

Sephiroth: I never really got my liscense...

Everyone: ...

Sephiroth: I only have my permit...

Random Dude: *bursts out laughing*

Sephiroth: *glares and sets Random Dude on fire* Bastard.

Random Dude: *coughs charcol and faints*

Yazoo: How is it that the Great General Sephiroth, feared warrior on the battlefield, doesn't have his liscense.

Sephiroth: Well...they banned me from the DMV.

Kadaj: How may I ask do you get banned from the DMV?

Sephiroth: Well to keep a long story short, the driving instructor kept forgetting my name so I parallel parked my car on the tracks of a train set the car on fire and well, the rest is history.

Everyone: ...

Loz: Hell yeah! Did he remember your name after that?

Sephiroth: Yeah, I signed his full body cast and his life support machiene.

Kadaj: Well now I can see why you got kicked out.

Yazoo: So who's gonna drive?

Kadaj: I guess you'll have to.

Yazoo: Why me?

Kadaj: Because I also only have my permit, and Loz is under the influence of alcohol.

Yazoo: Point taken.

Sephiroth: That damn authoress better have given us a good car.

Kadaj: Careful what you say about the authoress Seph.

Sephiroth: Oh, what's she gonna do about it? The spoiled, immature, childish-

*Bolt of lightning strikes Sephiroth*

Yazoo: He may be the Great Sephiroth...

Kadaj: ...but she's the Great Riley.

Sephiroth: *coughs* Mother (censored) Authoress.

Kadaj: Wait a second, I thought I (censored) destroyed that (censored) censoring machiene?

Yazoo: Apparently she had a spare.

***

Riley: *bound to a chair* Lemme go!
Sephiroth: *fake ponders* Nah.
Hojo: *sharpens tools*
Riley: HELP ME!...and REVIEW!