Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Long Way Home ❯ Paine ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

[A/N: Depending on reader response, I may continue this for a few more chapters yet. There’s still a few characters whose viewpoints I’d like to explore. I don’t own the characters or their homeworld, I just enjoy borrowing them. And now…]

The Long Way Home

Paine

I remember when I was a little girl. My mom and dad would tell me stories of the legendary metropolis called Zanarkand, how beautiful it was, the great war that brought it down. My big brother and me would listen to their stories of the rise of Sin, and the legacy of the Summoners who would defeat the beast and bring about successive Calms to Spira. Back then, I could only imagine the epic battles they would fight, or the sights they would see. I still remember the way Dad would fill our minds with incredible detail, and I remember wondering what it would be like to be alongside the Summoners.

Now, as I stand and look over the ruins of Zanarkand, all I can think of is… what a dump.

Maybe that’s a bit of a jaded attitude, but try and put yourself in my shoes. Try and live through some of the things I’ve seen, and see if you come through them still able to see the world through rose-tinted lenses. Fact is, I’m sometimes surprised there are people who can do that. Rikku’s one of them, no doubt. Of course, some of the things she’s gone through have had relatively happy results, so I suppose I can’t really fault her for that. At least she’s been able to win through on some scores.

At least she still has family.

I lost both my parents when Sin paid a visit to Luca twelve years ago, just before Lord Braska’s Calm. Dad was a Crusader, part of a company that patrolled Luca regularly. He was the best swordsman in the city- there weren’t many people who didn’t know of Dakar, the Black Knight. That was his style, a black cloak over silver armor. Some said he’d killed over fifty Sinspawn single-handedly, but even all that skill wasn’t enough when Sin’s children swarmed the city en masse. To his credit, he stayed on the streets as long as possible, trying to keep the Sinspawn from the citizens as long as he could. Then… then he fell. The line was overrun… and people began dying. Mom was one of the first; she shielded me and my brother Jaret with her own body. I remember screaming for the fiends to just leave us alone, then having to make a break for it. Jaret had to haul me to my feet and drag me out the door; I couldn’t believe Mom was dead.

Then Jaret and I got separated in the mass panic; it wasn’t until much later that I discovered he’d died from Sinspawn poison.

That day, I died a little inside. There wasn’t anything dynamic or exciting about that battle, there was just blood, destruction and death everywhere. For a long time after the chaos died down, I didn’t do anything but sit in a corner of a Luca orphanage, crying my eyes out and praying my family would make it safely to the Farplane.

That was the last time I cried.

I spent the next ten years of my life more or less on my own. First in a succession of foster homes, later as part of a community of others who lost their families to Sin. But wherever I went, I made a vow not to get close to anyone. If Sin taught me anything, it taught me that if you get close to someone, and then you lose them, it hurts a lot. I didn’t want to get hurt again. Ever. I’d be my own family from now on. Unfortunately… the drawback to that life is isolation. And that sometimes hurts even worse. I guess that’s why I began to adopt a style of dress that was reminiscent of my father, the whole black leather appearance and all. Sort of, ‘pay attention to me but don’t get to close’. It was a sort of gray area between having people to talk with and not having to tie myself down to others.

Of course, living on my own wouldn’t have been as easy if I hadn’t learned to fight along the way. Even without Sin, Spira’s a rough place to be on your own, especially if you’re a girl. That’s one more legacy from my dad I was able to keep alive- not only did I wear his signature colors, eventually I was able to track down a Crusader chapter and found out they’d kept his sword, the skull-motif blade he called Astaroth. The soldiers there almost immediately recognized me as Dakar’s kid, and fortunately they didn’t have too much of a problem with granting me possession of Astaroth- it was more or less my birthright as sole surviving heir, anyway. Some of them, however, were smirking as they handed it over to me; I guess they figured a little girl like me wouldn’t ever dare use such a heavy, sharp blade in real combat.

I still carry that sword to this day, and it’s always served me well.

I survived on my own day to day, doing odd jobs and training myself in the warrior’s art whenever I could. I tried to join the Crusaders when I was fourteen, but they turned me away. Said I was too young. I didn’t believe them at first, until I saw several female Crusaders training outside the recruitment center; that sight took my theory of gender bias and blew it out of the water. So I left and continued my rag-tag existence up until I was sixteen, when I finally got my chance at the Crusaders…

And I found myself assigned as a Recorder to a division known as the Crimson Squad. In a way, almost a more dangerous assignment than being a front line soldier, because I had to make sure battle information got safely back to the networks and not get myself killed in the process. I started to learn a lot while I was settling into my new position. I didn’t get into real combat that often, but I still kept Astaroth’s blade polished and honed at all times. I learned about some of the things machina could do, and that in turn sparked some of my interest in the idea of airships. It hearkened back to a fantasy I’d had at six years of age, of being able to fly, free as a bird, with no worries about other people, fiends, or Sin.

After a while of being with the Squad, in particular the three-man team I’d been assigned to, I found myself breaking my own rule. I started making friends.

Nooj was someone I couldn’t pin down. They called him Deathseeker, and sometimes I could see why. It must’ve been hard, adapting to a sort of half-life with a body that was part metal. Yet there were times he would seem content about things, and I’d wonder what went on inside his brain.

Gippal surprised me. I’d heard a lot of bad rumors about the Al Bhed, but he was just a normal guy. Albeit his chipper attitude would often grate on my nerves, an attitude I never thought I’d see again until I met Rikku. Still, there were a few times I actually needed a good laugh, and he provided it. Even taught me how to speak the language when the squad had some downtime.

Then there was Baralai. Out of all the guys, he wasn’t too morbid nor was he an endless ball of energy. There was something almost… I don’t know, normal about him. At first I got really aggravated when he would try to draw me into the conversations they had; at the time I was still sticking hard and fast to my rule about ‘no friends, no risks’. As time went by, though, I began to see something in him. He was a lot like my late brother Jaret- understanding, always ready to lend a hand, never imposing. And damn if he couldn’t fight well; I didn’t much admire his taste in weaponry, but some of the things he could do with that battle staff amazed me.

Then the Den of Woe incident occurred, and everything started to fall apart. At the time, I wasn’t aware of the full truth, or that Shuyin’s ghost was playing the guys like puppets. All I knew was the squad had fallen apart, and it seemed like Nooj had betrayed us all.

Once again, I struck out on my own, hoping to survive long enough to find Nooj and pry an explanation out of him. Thankfully he hadn’t shot me in any place vital; some healing potion and rest and I was back on my feet again, but I’ve still got a scar on my left shoulder from what he did.

Then the word came down that the impossible had come true- Sin was gone for good. No one would ever have to hide in fear from Sinspawn again. Sure, there were still fiends all over, but now the risk of whole cities being wiped out was just a memory.

I wasn’t sure if I should rejoice, or sulk. I’d spent so much time waiting to fight the beast that killed my family, so NOW what was I supposed to do?

I didn’t find the answer until two years later, when I started to have nagging thoughts about all the things I’d seen and recorded as part of the Squad. Maybe there was a clue somewhere in those spheres, but I’d lost or traded them all away. I didn’t know where they were, or even how to start looking. That’s part of what pushed me to become a Sphere Hunter- that and a sense of adventure.

That’s also what brought me to where I am now. I never expected to fall into a race to save the world when I joined the Gullwings- a name I felt was stupid at first, but which actually feels right now that all the hoopla is over. I didn’t expect to make new friends, or even reclaim old ones. I was amazed that Gippal and Baralai were still alive, but after everything that happened back then I shied away from reconnecting at first. Guess I was still scared of being hurt. It didn’t help too much that Rikku was the most buttinsky teammate I’d ever worked with, but at least she could hold her own in a fight. Heck, every once in a while she actually did amuse me, and as time went by I grew to tolerate her. Nowadays, I actually consider her a good friend. I still can’t believe she really believed I tallied up ‘respect points’ for people; sure, I do respect people in varying degrees but I’m not so anal as to tally it up one point at a time.

That actually turned out to be a good weapon when I wanted her to stop bugging me.

Yuna… I was kind of surprised when I met up with her. I expected that the High Summoner would be… I don’t know, more refined, maybe on the serious side? Sure, she had her serious moments, but there was a playfulness about her that was hard to nail down. And a touch of social awkwardness, too. I didn’t learn until later what her story was like, and after I heard it I could sympathize somewhat. Her parents were gone, like mine, as well as a certain young man she apparently held deep feelings for. Unlike me, though, she had made connections with others. It seemed like she could make friends with just about anybody, be it Bevelle monk, Besaid islander or a Ronso warrior.

I suppose I envied her slightly for that. I didn’t dare show it, though.

The three of us went through a hell of a lot together, even with the Three Stooges that ran our airship breathing down our necks. They were okay at times, but there were moments when they really got on my nerves. Whether it was Buddy’s far-too-mellow attitude, Shinra with his claims that ‘I know everything’ even when it was obvious that he didn’t, or Brother being… well, Brother. Man, that guy freaks me out, especially after Rikku mentioned him being Yuna’s cousin as well. Talk about an unhealthy obsession- or is lust a more appropriate word? He seriously needs to have his head examined, or better yet, caved in. I’d be happy to use the pommel of Astaroth for that…

And now, here we are. Poking around the ruins of Zanarkand once again. We solved the big mystery, saved the world in the process, and Yuna got her man back.

I was walking back towards the campfire clearing near the hill, when I saw Rikku hiding out behind a clump of rocks. At first I couldn’t tell what she was doing, until I noticed the Sphere Camera in her hands and a silly grin on her face. I looked up, and realized she was recording a movie of Yuna and her boyfriend- Tidus, if I remember his name correctly- standing at the top of the hill, looking out at the sunset. I personally am no fan of eavesdropping and started towards Rikku quietly, calculating how I could get that camera out of her hands and not make a bunch of noise in the process. Then I started picking up some of what the lovebirds were saying.

“Cherish me, Yuna… and I’ll cherish you…”

Okay, I had to double-take when I heard that. That sounded like the bar none, cheesiest thing to say when you’re watching a sunset, and to make it all the more crazy, Yuna seemed to like it. A lot. I didn’t really catch some of the other things they said, as I was finally next to Rikku and was trying to get the camera out of her hands.

“C’mon, Paine, it’s just so sweet!”

“It’s also invading their privacy.”

“Awww… spoilsport!” she whined in a playful whisper, which caused me to actually smile a bit. She really was a kid at heard, and I suppose I couldn’t really blame her all that much. It was her cousin, after all, and from what I heard Rikku was always looking out for her, even back on her Pilgrimage. Then I heard the splash, followed by laughter and some more light-hearted ‘lovebird’ patter.

I don’t really know why Yuna decided to push Tidus into the water right then, but it’s not really any of my business. She more or less respected my privacy while we were adventuring, so I might as well respect hers.

Respect in general, however, dwindled just a tiny bit when she jumped into the water right after him. Hardly a befitting image for someone who’s saved the world twice. That actually spurred me to glance around the hill in spite of myself, just to see what was going on. I wasn’t trying to peep, mind you, but fiends are everywhere in Zanarkand, and you never know. I was just looking out for a friend.

At least, that’s what I told myself as I stood just out of sight and watched the two of them making out in the shallows.

So now I stand here, and I wonder if maybe I’m changing from who I’ve always been. Do I want to be alone? Not really. I’ve been alone for far too long. I guess I need to start breaking my rules a bit more often. Maybe I should open up, maybe tell Rikku and Yuna more about my past. Maybe it’s time I made some more friends, even though it scares me a bit.

Maybe while we’re on this sightseeing trip of Yuna’s, I’ll find a part of me that used to be able to cry.

Maybe even find someone to love.




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