Final Fantasy - All Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Long Way Home ❯ Lulu ( Chapter 9 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

[A/N: Insert standard disclaimer and away we go.]

The Long Way Home

Lulu

It’s been almost two weeks since he came back, and eight days since the lot of them went rushing off again. I talked with Yuna over the Commsphere just a short while ago; apparently she and the others were having the time of their lives in the Calm Lands. From what I saw, it looked like Rikku had just introduced Tidus to that pet monkey of hers; I couldn’t tell if he was amused or annoyed when the monkey started yanking his hair. Of course, that little squabble didn’t last long and it looked like they were able to laugh it off.

I’m glad Yuna has another reason to laugh again. Having him back seems to do her a world of good each day. I’m still not completely sure how it happened myself, but knowing the secrets of magic the way I do, I’ve learned that many things are possible even if they don’t seem to be at first. Certainly much of what happened on the Pilgrimage proved that. I’ll admit it, at first I didn’t trust him, with his talk of Zanarkand and the eerie way he resembled Chappu. He seemed far too upbeat for my taste, as well. I just… I don’t know, it didn’t feel right when I first met him, he didn’t seem to fit in. And I could tell straight away he thought I was too serious about things.

I guess for me, life was too serious for too long before that day.

Most of my early memories are gone, washed away by Sin’s toxin. The monster attacked Besaid many years ago, probably when I was about five or six. Many village elders died that day, including my parents. Wakka’s and Chappu’s, too. In a way, I suppose it’s almost a relief that I don’t remember the exact details of the attack, because if I did, it might be too painful to bear. I don’t have any spheres of my parents, just some old diaries and journals my father kept. From what I’ve been able to piece together, he was an aspiring combat mage, but never fully mastered the art of Black Magic. In his letters he described his efforts to unlock the secrets of the elements, despite a lack of formal training. Some of the letters I found were replies from a relative, a younger brother who was apparently a soldier in Luca at the time. I can only guess my father and his brother were close, but diametrically opposed people. Father’s letters called his brother ‘too gloomy’, while this man, this uncle whom I have never known, retorted that Father was far too cheery to understand Black Magic.

I don’t know what kind of person I would be today if Father were still alive. All I do know is a childhood of learning self-sufficiency after Sin’s attack. Having to pick up the pieces and try not to be a burden on anybody. There wasn’t much left of our home, that much I can recall from the attack. There was a fur-lined black leather jacket that belonged to Father… a massive collection of belts, all shapes and sizes. I guess Father must have had a penchant for different styles, with a belt for every occasion. There were also several articles of Mother’s clothing, at least I presumed they were hers. Several necklaces, some beautiful hair pins which I still wear to this day. In fact, most of what was left over in the wreckage, over time would somehow incorporate itself into my attire. I suppose it was the only way I could be close to my parents from then on…

That, and the dolls my mother made when I was a baby. Once in a while I do have moments when I can almost remember what it was like as a child, but the moment always slips away. Many of them involve me, and a stuffed moogle doll.

Who would’ve ever thought a child’s toy could be a focal point for Black Magic?

Maybe that’s why I’ve been able to reach areas in Black Magic my father couldn’t. The doll was representative of what I had lost. My family, our home, and most importantly my memories. In order to use combat magic, one must tap something that evokes sadness or anger- at least, that’s what was written in the letters from my unknown uncle. Sometimes I wish I’d met that man, this ‘Dakar’. I wonder what he would’ve been able to teach me… probably not much, though. From what I can surmise, Dakar was a swordsman, not a mage… a self-professed Black Knight, according to one letter.

Thankfully, not all the memories I do have are bad ones. Oh, there are still times I think back and muse upon my first Pilgrimage, when I was young and headstrong, just barely an accomplished mage. I felt I was ready to face down the monster that took my memories, my family… and then it all came back and bit me. I try hard not to think about that experience, especially in light of the far more successful Pilgrimage a few years later.

One memory I have mixed emotions about is the infatuation Chappu and I once shared. Actually, I’m not even sure what it was we had anymore. We’d been playmates for years- him, Wakka, myself, and later Yuna. They were the ones who were full of energy, I was the quiet one. Well, one of the quiet ones. With Yuna, it was a case of being ‘new home shy’. For me, it was a side effect of trying to think for the future too much. I had to grow up too fast, and so did they. I actually envied Wakka for his ability to balance out the serious side of things with his easy-going nature, but wasn’t sure what to make of Chappu and his attitude of taking it one day at a time. I still remember how it caught me off guard when he asked me to go steady with him- I was just fourteen, I didn’t have the slightest clue what love was all about. Sure, I cared about him as a friend, but I didn’t know if I was ready for more than that.

In the end, I decided to ease up on my fears and see what might happen. We began visiting with each other more often, we would talk about what the future might hold- and there were even a few times he made me laugh. As time went by, though, I began to feel uncomfortable. The island felt so small, and I was feeling a need to go out and face the world, and in the process face some of my own demons. Chappu began to change, too. He became obsessed with being around me all the time, and at some point he became fixated on my body. It was hard because deep down I cared for him a lot, but this was something I didn’t want to happen. There was too much going on in the world, what with Sin on the loose and everything we all needed to do to survive. I think I was so fixated on survival and carrying on my father’s legacy, that pleasures of the flesh took a back seat for a long time. It’s ironic, though; the way I dressed most of the time, in remnants of both my parents’ wardrobes, must have suggested I was more interested than I let on. Maybe I was, I don’t know. But at the time, I didn’t want it. Not yet, anyway.

When I left on my first Pilgrimage, I started to soften a bit. Maybe some time apart was all we really needed, then I would come back and we could start over. I was naïve then, barely versed in what the Final Summoning would entail for both Summoner and Guardian.

The Summoner in my charge failed and fell.

I learned Chappu had left Besaid to join the Crusaders, choosing machina over the blue crystal sword Wakka had toiled to get him.

I learned he had perished fighting Sinspawn… and for a long time after that, my heart grew cold. I wasn’t sure what it was the two of us had, but it was something, and because of Sin I lost someone else special to me. I dove back into my training, determined to make a full mage of myself. I hid my emotions behind closed doors, only exposing them to someone that I trusted unconditionally, such as Yuna or Wakka. I abandoned the idea of finding love again, because in my heart I feared I would lose someone else I cared for dearly.

I very nearly did lose someone dear to me after that… in fact, two someones. When I learned Yuna wanted to become a Summoner herself and follow her father’s path, it hurt inside. She was like a younger sister I had never had, caring, sensitive… a little on the naïve side, but always one to see the good in people. I didn’t want to lose the only sister I ever knew, but I also didn’t want to hurt her feelings by appearing indifferent or negative. I learned long ago that Yuna cannot be steered away from something once she set her mind to it, and I wanted to respect that. If she wanted to make the ultimate sacrifice for Spira, the least I could do was help her along the path. Then Wakka learned of her decision, and decided to become her Guardian as well…

It was impossible to say what was on my mind when he did that. Wakka was my best friend, someone I could talk to without reservation, and here he was, signing up for what he knew could be a suicide mission. Something inside me yelled, don’t let him do it. Make him stay at home; you lost one friend, don’t let him die as well. But for reasons I still don’t know, I didn’t say a thing.

Maybe it felt right that three childhood friends all throw in together. Maybe I didn’t want to miss his laid-back attitude which sometimes offered welcome relief.

Maybe I was falling for him back then, and I didn’t even know it.

All I do know is, many things I would never have expected to happen, did happen. We discovered things about Yevon I never would have dreamed possible. I learned that the Al Bhed were never as wicked as the teachings made out, and I actually grew to like Rikku in some small way. And I learned that sometimes the key to a problem is in the least likely of places… and in this case, the key was a Blitzball player named Tidus. Even with my initial mistrust, and my warnings that he should not fall for Yuna- I’d seen the looks he’d given her, and a few of the glances she’d made towards him- even with all that, he ignited something within us that made us see beyond the Final Summoning. He gave us another chance.

Even with his disappearance, he managed to do something for us. He showed us our own inner strengths.

At first it was hard, especially on Yuna- I had no idea how deeply she felt for him until after we returned to the islands. I can still remember the nightmares she had, the tears she shed for him. At first, I wanted to blame him for her sadness, but then I pondered how he probably hadn’t known about it himself until it was too late. He didn’t make the decision to leave, someone else made it for him. Looking back on it, I don’t think he would have left if the choice was his, not after everything he did for her. I still remember the look on his face when he learned of Lord Seymour’s proposal; it matched an identical rage I was hiding in my heart. I wasn’t sure I wanted her to accept his proposal either, but I’d built such an image of the person I had to be that I refused to voice it. I knew better than to try and make a decision like that for her, but it hurt all the same.

That’s why I didn’t balk when the chance to interrupt the ceremony came, even though it meant going against the Maesters. I suppose inside, I wanted her to be happy- just like he did. But I digress.

There were a lot of sad times after he left, a lot of sleepless nights where she and I would talk about the kind of man he had been. Sometimes it brought back painful memories of Chappu… but as time went on, those memories began to fade away. Gradually we both became stronger. I began to see that what Chappu and I had was little more than an infatuation, while Yuna slowly began to stand on her own two feet again. And it was about that time I realized the one man I truly loved had been there all along. He had fought by my side, he had listened to my own fears, and often relieved underlying tension with little more than a smile.

I never would have realized how much Wakka meant to me if the Pilgrimage hadn’t turned out the way it had. And now… now everything seems to be falling into place. I may never know what the family I lost was like, but the family I have gained makes up for that every day. He may not realize it often enough, but Wakka is my strength. It’s his jovial nature that kept me from turning away from emotion altogether, and as time goes by he helps me express it a bit more. With him, and now our beautiful Vidina, things really do look brighter each day.

Yuna told me their next stop on the tour will be in Bevelle. I think she’s looking forward to showing Tidus the shops and boulevards he never got a chance to see two years before. Hopefully, they won’t have to relive too many bad memories of what Yevon put them through. I’m not sure where they’ll go from there, but it doesn’t matter too much. What matters is that the two of them are safe and happy.

I asked Yuna before the Commsphere cut out, whether she was worried about losing him again. She shook her head, telling me he was here to stay; there wasn’t a hint of doubt in her voice.

That surprised me, so I asked her how she could be so sure. She replied:

“I just know. As long as he keeps me in his heart and I keep him in mine, everything will be okay.” She turned away from the sphere just as he was approaching; the last image I saw as the screen went blank was the two of them, arms around each other, laughing.

I couldn’t help but smirk. Her reasoning was a little simplistic, maybe a tad optimistic. But I didn’t see a problem with it. After all, stranger things have happened in Spira.

I hope their story together will be a good one.




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