Fire Emblem Fan Fiction ❯ Why Sain? ❯ Why Sain? - Part 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Fire Emblem: Why Sain?!

Part 3

 

Jaffar: *sigh*

 

Nils: *sigh*

 

Sain: *sigh*

 

Serra: And then I was like omg wtf bbq are you crazy I hate bbq I hate it more than that whorebag Lyn trying to steal my man I know she is I see her trying to seduce my mageypoo with her seductive hips and her long slender legs and her lovely pretty eyes it makes me sick almost as sick as that time I got food poisoning in Ostia I was eating clams I remember and then I started feeling a little bit queasy but I always get like that when I'm eating clams so I kept eating but then I threw up all over Erk it was so nasty I would hate for that to happen to me but Erk always is so kind he didn't say anything in fact he didn't say anything for the whole night he's so nice and kind and sweet and pretty and freakin awesome I love him so much and hey speaking of love I heard from a guard that Sonia and Nergal are apparently going out or I dunno it's more like a sex slave kind of thing apparently I know I'm being blunt but that's what it sounded like when that guard told me I was like omg what Nergal and Sonia eeeeewww that's not something I would picture when I would picture relationships is the BF that's what I'm calling you guys now BF isn't that cool it's like a cool nickname like Erk did you know Erk's real name is Erkmonious well not really I just like to say it is because he enjoys it when I do he just fills up with happiness he starts shaking and he sometimes gets all red because his happy juices are flowing to his face and omg are you guys sighing at me wtf I am so—

 

Jaffar: Can I see you for a second? Over here?

 

Serra: OMG YES *follows him* I've been waiting for this moment ever since I laid eyes on you…*fades out as they walk away*

 

Sain: …..so….how long has it been?

 

Nils: Since you got in here?

 

Sain: Naw…since we became such great friends?

 

Nils: ……..it feels like no time has passed at all.

 

Sain: Maybe I can tell by how long it took to poop your arm.

 

Jaffar: *comes back strewn with blood*

 

Sain: Hey BUDDY! Where's Serra?

 

Jaffar: She's sleeping. Forever.

 

Nils: Oh, thank GOD.

 

Sain: *turns on him* WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?!?! *feasts*

 

Jaffar: O.o *leaves*

~-~-~

Sonia: Hey, Jaffar! Come here.

 

Jaffar: HELL NO! *runs*

~-~-~

Jaffar: Oh...hey Nino.

 

Nino: Hey Jaf***!

 

Jaffar: T_T My life sucks SO MUCH.

 

Linus: *pops out of Nino* That's what SHE said.

 

Jaffar: OM—wait what?

 

Linus: I'm trying out this new retort. Ephidel said it was good for use anywhere.

 

Ephidel: i'M ePhIdEl!!

 

Jaffar: *kills*

 

Linus: That's what she said.

 

Jaffar: What, “I'm Ephidel”?

 

Linus: You're Ephidel? Damn, I always thought you were Jaffar. Respect equals zero. *walks away*

 

Jaffar: -_- Bitch. *walks off*

~-~-~

Sonia: *pops up*

 

Jaffar: O_o *tries to run*

 

Limstella: *pops up*

 

Jaffar: WTF DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?!?

 

Sonia: We just want to wish you a happy birthday!

 

Jaffar: ….it's…not my birthday.

 

Sonia: It's not?

 

Lloyd: *walking past* It's Jaffar's birthday? Many happy returns of the day, dude! And I totally didn't forget about it, I just have to run out and get a present for another Jaffar. If he were exactly like you, hypothetically, what would he want?

 

Jaffar: It's not my birthday.

 

Lloyd: I know, dumbass, it's the OTHER Jaffar's birthday! I've gotta jam. See ya! *runs off*

 

Sonia and Limstella: *have mysteriously vanished*

 

Jaffar: …..I have a feeling this won't turn out well. *walks off*

~-~-~

Sain: Hi Jaffar! Hey, so I've heard people calling you Jaf***…and I think that's really mean.

 

Jaffar: ….thanks?

 

Sain: Yeah. So, I told a group of them to stop…and THEY TOOK MY NILS!!!!

 

Jaffar: Aww…

 

Sain: I'M NOTHING WITHOUT HIM!!!

 

Jaffar: And now I suppose you want me to get him back.

 

Sain: You will? Thanks so much buddy. I love you. Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou!

 

Jaffar: -_- My heart is going to stop soon.

 

Sain: That's not good. You should see a doctor.

 

Jaffar: Gee, thanks. I'll do that. *walks away*

 

Sain: See ya Jaf***!

~-~-~

Nino: HI!

 

Jaffar: Eff-off Linus.

 

Nino: …..*sniff*

 

Jaffar: Oh, God, you're Nino. I'm sorry.

 

Nino: YOU'RE A BASTARD!!

 

Jaffar: That's a bad word.

 

Nino: YOU'RE A BAD WORD!

 

Jaffar: What?

 

Nino: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!! *runs off crying*

 

Jaffar: …-_-#

~-~-~

Jaffar: LINUS! *bursts into his room*

 

Linus: Woah WOAH! Don't you knock?!

 

Jaffar: What the hell are you doing?!

 

Linus: Nothing.

 

Jaffar: Who is that?!?

 

Linus: …..your grandma.

 

Jaffar: ***OHKO!!!***

 

Linus: *dead*

 

Jaffar: Auf Wiedersehen, biotch. *leaves*

 

Linus' voice: Hee hee heeeeeee…….

~-~-~

Nergal: And then police came and busted our asses. More gin?

 

Jaffar: Yes plz…..

 

Nergal: I'm glad we're getting to know each other better Jaffar.

 

Jaffar: *urp*

 

Nergal: That's exactly what she said when the sirens came.

 

Jaffar: *passes out*

 

Nergal: Jaffar? Buddy? Hmmm……*pulls out a Sharpieâ„¢*

~-~-~

Jaffar: *wakes up* Oh, GOD. I've got such a hango…my…GOD.

 

Sain: *is naked* What? OH! You're awake!

 

Jaffar: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?!

 

Sain: Getting dressed. You should, too.

 

Jaffar: *looks down* Shit.

 

Sain: Yeah. I love the tattoos. They're so bad ass.

 

Jaffar: Yeah…they're….excellent.

 

Sain: I want an elephant on my tummy, too!

 

Jaffar: I guarantee its trunk is going to get cut off if you don't tell me where my clothes are.

 

Sain: On the other side of the bars. Look!

 

Jaffar: *looks* WTF?!? WHAT AM I DOING IN HERE!?!

 

Sain: I dunno. Where's Nils?

 

Jaffar: Nils? I don't know. Hey, you! *motions to a generic soldier*

 

Generic Soldier: Yessir?

 

Jaffar: Toss me my clothes.

 

Generic Soldier: I was ordered not to, sir.

Jaffar: By who?!

 

Voice: MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

Jaffar: …….-_-#

 

Linus: *rises from the pits of hell* You didn't think this was over, did you Jaf***?

 

Sain: Where's….Nils??

 

Linus: Nils? That little kid? I threw him down a well.

 

Sain: YOU BASTARD!! ROOOAARRRR!!! *rips through the bars and violently attacks Linus*

 

Linus: OMGWTF?!

 

Sain: WHERE…IS HE?!?!

 

Linus: Out…out back! CALL HIM OFF JAF***!

 

Jaffar: *grabs his clothes*

 

Sain: ROOOOAAARRR!!! *rip tear*

 

Linus: PAIN! PAIN!!

 

Jaffar: *pulls on his pants*

 

Sain: *GOUGE*

 

Jaffar: *puts on his hood*

 

Linus: NOO!!! NOT MY DING DONG!!!

 

Jaffar: *picks up his weapons*

 

Sain: *bite* *snarl*

 

Linus: OH THE HUMANITY!!!

 

Jaffar: I'll…just go get Nils.

 

Sain: Thank you! ^_^ ROOAAR! *kill kill*

 

Linus: AUUGGHH!!!

 

Jaffar: *sets off*

~-~-~