Flame Of Recca Fan Fiction ❯ What Matters Most ❯ Ranting ( Chapter 3 )

What Matters Most

Chapter 3: Ranting

School. Children learning for the sake of their futures, making friends, making their parents proud, having fun. Making fun with people that is. And I've hated school for that. School would've been better if people minded their own business. School would've been better if it wasn't me they're making fun of. Or my friends at that.

No, I'm not talking about Recca.

Believe me, they're better off than myself. Or anyone else for that matter.

What I'm talking about are my own friends. Always called stupid, even if it's not true, literally. They're more of nerds than stupid. I would know that since I've been with them for more than a year.

The only reason why I ended up with them is because there was no one else.

No one liked me. I guess it's because I wasn't too handsome, or I wasn't too cute or smart, maybe because I wasn't that great. But then again, I was never special. I guess that's the reason why.

I've never told anyone about this. I owed them too much to add to their own problems. So I kept it to myself. I'd always tell Recca that school is fine and that everything is cool. But sometimes, I desperately want to tell him, to take it all out, all the bullying, all the criticisms, all the shouting…

I never liked it when people shout at me. It makes me remember. Of father. Of how he would yell at me. I remember the times when he'd reach for my arm, pulling it as if it were going to tear away from my body. I'd remember the time when he'd drag me down to darkness. Where I'd feel lonely and helpless. Where I'd feel nothing more than fear. And I hate it. And I keep on remembering every time someone would yell at me…

I always seem to get a lot of yelling. I've never understood why they do it. They just do. Sometimes it would be for a reasonable cause, but most of the time they just do it for the sake of yelling. At me, that is.

I guess from the outside I look like trouble. My unruly brown hair, my clothes, my eyes… Everything about me spells trouble, heck, even the way I speak tells people that I am trouble. So they misunderstand me. Talk about don't judge a book by its cover. They do it without even realizing.

Most of the people at school do that. Especially the 'popular' ones.

Bull.

This year my classmates were the worst. They were the most notorious in our batch.

Tough luck.

Even though I was 'respectable' in some sort of way, you'd still be a bit apprehensive around them, especially when one of them is your seatmate. They'd act nicely around you, tell you stuff about you they like, help you with fixing stuff, but through it all and underneath they think of you lower than, well, a person whose not a popular like them. Something like that. They act caring, at times, in public, but they talk something bad about you afterwards.

Don't get me wrong though. Not every popular student is like that. I've got a few friends who are and they're all right.

The problem is, most of the 'bad popular' students are in my class.

Poor me. From now on, I dwell in self-pity.

I sit here, in the classroom, thinking about the 'what if's'

What if I was popular, too? Would they treat me like this?

What if I were smart, really handsome or had a cute sister, would I be like this?

I decided that most of the people who are popular either had cute little sisters or handsome big brothers, were smart, funny or just plain trouble. Maybe some of them, I decided, had family's that they didn't like. So they poured all their anxiety or anger on other people.

I wonder why I was never that much of a troublemaker. Although I have trouble letting my own feelings out, it hasn't bothered anyone.

So why, I ask myself. Why does teachers bother themselves with people like them and yet never bothered me?

I sigh, oh well…

Ranting with my thoughts really need some effort. Ms. Sasaki already called my attention twice. I wonder if I'll get detention like this.

Probably. Teachers always find faults in me I never knew I had. There goes down yet another notch of self-confidence.

Concentrating on algebra and ranting isn't a good combination.

Gosh. I must stop this now.

Damn! This dizziness really bothers me a lot. I wonder when it'll stop. I hope it will soon enough, can't concentrate hard enough to understand this stuff about a's and b's!

a + a = 2a, easy enough.

A + B = A + B? What!? Enough! This is making me insane. Algebra. Sigh.

Wait a minute. A + B. Oh, I get it. How could I be so stupid? I guess I am. Sigh.

"Will you stop sighing!"

"Wha-what?"

"I said, 'stop sighing'. This algebra stuff really gets my head going round and round, so stop doing that will you?"

"Alright", I chuckle a bit. I think everyone's having a blast, too. Even The Most Notorious is talking to me. That's for the list.

Hmm… That's it. I'm concentrating on this algebra thing.

* * * * *

I walk around school, yet again, as another day has passed. Recca won't be home until late so I take my time idly walking around this place. No one notices me. That's good. Never liked that much attention.

But then again…

Some attention wouldn't be too bad. Right?

"Hey Kaoru, what's up?"

Shigeta. What's he doing here?

"Nothing. Walking around, I guess."

He laughs, "I can see that. Why aren't you home yet?"

"No one's home. So I'm waiting for them to arrive. I guess you could call this, 'killing time'?"

He pauses, "Oh."

"How about you? Why are you still here?"

"Nothing. Just like you, I guess. Killing time. My family's got this habit of coming home late. I think I'm getting that habit, too. But don't get me wrong, we're tightly bonded," he makes a fist, tightly curling it until his hand turns red, "unlike most family's out there."

"Right."

"You're staying with Recca, right? How's he doing? Still practices with those ninja techniques?"

"Yeah." Then it hit me, "How'd you know I was staying with Recca?"

He gives me a puzzled stare, "I live near your house. Don't you know?" He looks at me, "I guess not. But I do hear you everyday, all those running around and yelling. Seems you're giving Recca a pretty hard time every morning, huh?" He chuckles, "Fun having him around, Recca I mean, right? You're always having a laughing fit every morning and evening. But then, if you're staying with Recca, then…"

Don't ask. Please don't ask.

"Then how about, I mean, where…"

No, please, not that question. I've come all the way here to stop it. Please don't ask me that question.

"Where's your family?"

Funny how a simple question can return so many memories from the past. I shudder a bit, thinking all the things they'd done to me.

"Kaoru? You okay?"

I snap back, "Um… Yeah."

"So, what about your family."

I faced him and he stared at my eyes. Cold and distant they were, but he didn't back off, "They're dead."