Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ A Gift of Fruit ❯ Why Ayame and Shigure don't teach... ( Chapter 1 )

Why Ayame and Shigure don't teach Sex Ed…

#19 `The Talk'

LJ-Frubachallenge

Sari_15

1175 words

 

I wasn't sure what was worse—the fact that I was forced to stay here and listen to this load of crap with that damned rat—or that it was fucking Shigure and Ayame that took it upon themselves to do this. Hell, I'd rather have Ritsu draw me a fucking diagram than sit here and listen to these moronic imbeciles go on with the stupidity they were spewing forth. It was days like today I wished there was a rule that Shigure and Ayame were not allowed to be in the same room together without Hatori—for some reason the Dragon could control the two of them at once.

 

I still couldn't figure out how the hell they had cornered us with no way of escape—together.

 

I wasn't even listening to what the two morons were saying—and Yuki was staring at the door in a way that I could tell he sure as hell wasn't listening either. Once the phrase `Juunishi Sex 101' was issued—that's when my brain shut off. Who the hell wants to learn about sex from a fucking porn author and perverted `fantasy' costume designer? I don't care if they are the most knowledgeable people on the planet about sex—they can't take anything seriously.

 

If they attempt to demonstrate anything, I'll knock them both out.

 

“Wake up Kyonkichi!” Ayame yelled in a way too cheerful voice, tossing something at my chest.

 

“Who the fuck thought it was a good idea for the two of you to do this?” I demanded, clenching the item in my fist as I prepared to throw it back at the damned snake.

 

 

“Now, now…you need to be more careful with that, Kyou,” Shigure replied. “We'd hate for your rough handling of it to put our little flower in bloom.”

 

“What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded.

 

“Leave Miss Honda out of the conversation, please,” Yuki sighed, bringing his hands to his temples as if he had a headache. “Those are images I really don't want to think about.”

 

“Why the hell are you dragging Tohru into this?” I growled at the rat.

 

“I didn't, stupid cat,” he muttered. “You're the one who rose to their bait—or are you so dumb you don't know what that is?”

 

I looked in my hand—and promptly dropped the condom like it was on fire.

 

“Now Kyou, you can't just discard that. Tohru is precious to us all. I know you would love to have her all swelled with Kyou babies, but I know she would want to finish school first. Pick that up and put it in your pocket—you never know when you'll need it.”

 

I still wasn't tempted to pick up the damned thing—like I would ever get to do that with Tohru. Are they fucking nuts?

 

“Oh! Oh! `Gure, you should know that as the best brother in the entire world, I have made sure that my brother's primal needs are taken care of without fear!” Ayame dug around in his bag, before placing two giant boxes on the table. “I even thought to take care of Kyonkichi—just incase he does get the nerve to deflower our little Tohru. I feel it's my duty to protect her from his perverse behaviors.”

 

“You don't need to buy us condoms!” Yuki screamed, standing up from his chair as his face flamed red.

 

“How the hell many condoms do you think someone needs?” I growled, oddly intrigued by the enormous blue boxes—I was almost tempted to ask how many were in them. I don't think I could use that many in a lifetime—even if I wasn't locked up and had a willing Tohru in my bed twenty-four hours a day.

 

“Well you would never buy them if your face got that red, Yuki,” Shigure laughed, before turning to me. “From the way you look at Tohru-kun and taking your stamina into account…your passion for life…and how possessive you are…I don't think those two hundred and forty condoms would last you a week Kyou. You'd probably lock her in your room with you and never let her out.”

 

“I—I—what the fuck? How the hell do I look at Tohru?”

 

“Like you are undressing her with your eyes and hate yourself for it,” Yuki replied bluntly.

 

I hate to admit he was dead on with that one…

 

“Oh look, `Gure! I don't think I've ever seen him get that embarrassed,” Ayame squealed. “Wow, his cheeks are even darker than his hair!”

 

“Shut up!” I growled, leaping to my feet and heading for the door.

 

“Ah, but we aren't done yet,” Shigure laughed, blocking my exit.

 

I just glared at him in disgust. “I don't care, I'm leaving! Gimme the fucking key!”

 

“But you still need to learn how to be sexual without transforming!” Shigure announced.

 

“Let us out!” Yuki growled, glaring at Ayame as the snake continuously showed the rat the `variety' of condoms he had purchased for him.

 

“But we haven't gotten to show you how to put them on correctly!” Ayame cried, tearing into one of the packages. “Only the greatest brother in the world would show you how to properly administer a condom—and make sure you have flavored—Yuki? Where are you going?”

 

“Took you long enough, damned rat,” I said, shoving Shigure out of the way as Yuki caught up with me. The two of us quickly slammed our shoulders into the door of the shed, breaking it off the hinges before landing on the ground.

 

“Ah, I wondered what had happened to everyone…”

 

Slowly getting to my feet, I glared at Hatori. “Where the fuck have you been? I swear—those two like to torture us if you leave them alone!”

 

He quietly lifted a brow as he assessed the dog and snake as they emerged from the shed.

 

“Tori! We were teaching them the importance of safe sex!”

 

“I hope neither of you listened to a word they said,” he replied, walking over to the pair and taking the boxes of condoms from Ayame.

 

“Of course not, Hatori,” Yuki answered, still glaring at his brother.

 

“Very well, make sure you trust and love each other,” Hatori commented, handing one of the boxes to Yuki. “Make sure you are both comfortable and ready to move the relationship in that direction. Make sure you are protected--” he added, handing me the other box. “Tohru has enough to worry about without adding little Kyou's running around.”

 

“What?” I screamed, storming away from them all as I headed for the house. “You're as bad as the rest of them, Hatori! Where the hell is `loves Tohru' written on my face? You guys are just jerks!”

 

Slamming the door open, I ran upstairs to my room. `Acting like I'd force myself on her like that—they don't know shit about me. Damn it, am I that transparent?' I opened the top drawer of my dresser, hiding the box in the far back—just in case.

 

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A/N: Yeah…just had to be done when I saw the list of themes—giggled the whole way through. Short and sweet.

 

 

I do not own Fruits Basket or the characters affiliated with the Manga and Anime. They are the property of Natsuki Takaya…I am just `borrowing' them for my own nefarious deeds. I own nothing, suing me won't help anyone.

Sari-15