Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ A Gift of Fruit ❯ Neko Musings ( Chapter 5 )

Not Everyone Likes Spoilers!!!

Ooo Spoilers Chapter 119 and beyond of Manga ooO

 

FurbaChallenge

Sari_15

#17 Choices

Word Count: 1,104

 

Is there nothing I can do to make you accept that I love you?

 

Kyou Sohma had made many bad choices in his life. They ranged from the minor stupid comment slipping out in front of the wrong person to complete and utter emotional devastation. Finally slowing from his run, he clenched his hands into his hair as he thought about what he had just done.

 

He'd run away again—as he apologized for always running away.

 

“This wasn't supposed to happen like this…,” he growled, dragging his hands down his face as he crouched down on the ground.

 

He couldn't do it though, couldn't stand there and listen to her tell him about her feelings. Kyou knew if he stayed, Tohru would gladly give him the world, everything he'd ever wanted, her. He couldn't accept that though, her love was something he didn't deserve—didn't know if he wanted.

 

She was his unattainable dream; he had nightmares of how this day would play out that woke him up in a cold sweat in the past three years. He had been so selfish; wanting to keep the truth from her so she wouldn't leave his side and her upset and anger with him over it came out loud and clear in his dreams.

 

“She never yelled at me in my dreams though,” Kyou grumbled. Getting to his feet, he looked back from where he'd came from, still not sure what to think about how everything had worked out this morning. “I've never heard her raise her voice like that before...”

 

Reality was something he hadn't prepared himself for. The signs had been there, but he ignored them all. If Kyou suspected Tohru had feelings for him, he talked himself out of it because that would mean he had to tell her the truth. If he had to tell her the truth, he would lose her forever. Kyou couldn't lose Tohru; therefore, Tohru couldn't ever fall in love with him.

 

“My rational sucks,” he growled, slamming a fist into the trunk of a nearby tree.

 

Sure, the clues had been there all along and if he'd just opened his eyes and noticed them, he wouldn't be in this situation. Not that he ever expected to be in this situation to begin with, he'd been happily oblivious to her feelings until Momiji had to open his big mouth.

 

No, he couldn't blame this on anyone else. It didn't have anything to do with Momiji; it was his own stupidity that landed him in this situation. His refusal to tell her the truth from the moment he figured out who she was, Tohru had been a weakness of his before he even met her in person.

 

Then he'd stupidly fallen in love with her, as if everything else he'd done wasn't bad enough. He'd been content to remain by her side until he had to go away; he didn't need anything from her in return. He didn't want anything; he'd already taken enough.

 

Kyou had expected that Tohru wouldn't be able to handle the truth and couldn't ever forgive him. He'd expected to lose her friendship and those feelings she'd had toward him that he'd been avoiding would be gone forever. That's what he had been preparing himself for …hardening his heart against these last few weeks.

 

All of his fears and planning hadn't helped him at all when her reaction to his confession had been to scream in his face that she loved him and he just needed to accept that. Naturally, he did what any guy would do when placed in the same situation—he told her that she was wrong and ran away from her as fast as he could.

 

“I just need time…” He said breathlessly, pacing from tree to tree. “I need to talk to someone who will understand. Someone I trust…that will listen. Will tell me everything will be okay…I need…I need…” Kyou sunk to the ground as he buried his hands in his hair. “I need her…I need Tohru.”

 

Every major event in his life came from his choice of running away, some had turned out for the best some had taken away thing from him he'd never be able to get back, no matter how much he wanted them. Could he forgive himself for running away this time? For refusing to listen? For hurting her?

 

“I never wanted to hurt her, I didn't want this. Why couldn't I see it? Why didn't I want to see?”

 

He knew the answer to that…it was the same as always. If he couldn't see it, he couldn't be blamed for anything. Her falling in love with him, Kyou `hadn't seen it' so he couldn't put blame on himself when everything blew up in his face. It was her fault, not his. He hadn't wanted her to fall in love with him.

 

That was the biggest lie of all…

 

He had…

 

More than anything he'd wanted her love, wanted her to be with him…choose him. He'd done everything he could so he could be someone she would love. He'd listened to her worries, let her cry, supported her when she was upset, made her laugh, made her smile…he'd given her his love everyday hoping that she'd accept it and return those feelings.

 

Slowly, he got to his feet realizing that he couldn't blame anyone but himself. Keeping the truth to himself, he'd gotten what he'd wanted all along but the results hadn't been what he'd expected.

 

He hadn't expected her to choose him in the end. Honestly, he hadn't…and if that was really the case he'd just deliberately broken the heart of the girl he'd fallen in love with because she'd dared to love him back—something he'd wanted to happen, but hadn't believed could.

 

“Do I deserve it?” he asked himself, trying to figure out what set him apart from the rest of the people in her life that warranted him a higher standing than her mother. Memories flooded him of their time together, telling her it was all right to cry when they took her from her relatives, making her soup and listening to her concerns when she was sick, letting her cry about…Kyou paused as the memories continued to crash onto one another. The truth left him breathless; he'd never realized it before.

 

She needed him.

 

He couldn't run anymore.

 

Determined to return to her side, a commotion stilled his heart, as a voice broke through the early morning quiet. A frantic cry for help…

 

 

 

 

 

 

I do not own Fruits Basket or the characters affiliated with the Manga and Anime. They are the property of Natsuki Takaya…I am just `borrowing' them for my own nefarious deeds. I own nothing, suing me won't help anyone.

Sari-15