Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Beginnings ❯ Chapter 15 ( Chapter 15 )

Disclaimer:

I don't own fruits basket.

Warning:

You guys, I was like in this whole mood from watching Voices from a Distant Star, so if this is massively sad, blame that movie. Oh and I've been listening to this song from cowboy bebop called Blue and that's all moodish and brooding like, so yeah, blame that too.

There is no happiness in this chapter, so if you want to smile again, go elsewhere.

*Hands out tissues* I made myself cry too!

Beginnings

Carpetfibers

Chapter 15

"How long have they been gone, Tohru-chan?" Nayoko pulled out a chair as Tohru stumbled up to the register. They could worry about the groceries later. The little nest of three that she had taken to looking after had been decreased by two, and their little mother hen was not looking good.

She peered closely at Tohru's pale face that should have been at least slightly tanned from the long walks to town and back. Instead a pallor had taken hold, and her normally bright brown eyes appeared subdued.

Yare, yare…what was going on with her Tohru-chan?

"Almost four weeks, Nayoko-san." Tohru sprawled into the chair gratefully. The normal supply of groceries had seemingly grown in weight.

"Have you heard anything from them?" Nayoko slipped into a chair of her own, completely ignoring the two men who waited for her to ring them up.

"No, I haven't. Not a letter, not a phone call- nothing. " She bit down on her lip. "I'm so worried, Nayoko-san! They weren't supposed to be gone this long!"

"Excuse me- Nayoko-san! We're waiting!" One of the tall man whined loudly, hitting the counter for emphasis. The plump short woman simply turned her head and shot one of her infamous glares. Quickly the man backed away, leaving his groceries behind. He grabbed his friend and the familiar chime of the front door's bell rang out, signaling their departure. She returned her attention to the girl who cradled her head in front of her, completely oblivious to all else.

"What should I do?" Tohru looked up plaintively.

"Tohru-chan, do you know where they went?"

She nodded slowly.

"Then go to them." Nayoko smiled as if she had solved all of Tohru's worries with that simple command.

"Ie- Nayoko-san, I promised though! I promised to stay here. They'd be angry if I left…"

"Tohru-chan, not all promises are supposed to be kept. Sometimes we make them as a means of convenience. In your case, I think you're justified in breaking this one. You're worried about them, and since they didn't even bother to send you any notice of their well being, I think you're entitled in following after them."

She stated all this with the plain satisfaction of one convinced of her rightness. Tohru blanched noticeably.

"It's a little more complicated then that, though…"

"Tohru-chan, you're worried. You know where they are. So go to them. I'm tired of seeing you droop around here all depressed. It ruins the atmosphere." Nayoko's kind smile showed that she didn't really mean it, though, and Tohru smiled weakly in return.

"I guess you're right…" But she was still a little doubtful. They would be so angry at her… It didn't matter though, right? Because she was unhappy staying here alone, and she wanted to be with them. She should worry about their feelings, but she should worry about her own as well.

Besides, the anniversary of her mother's death was only four days away. If anything, she wanted to return for that day. Maybe see Hana-chan and Uo-chan… Her smile grew in strength and she leapt up from the chair, wrapping her arms around Nayoko's shoulders.

"You're right! I'll go, then! Right away!" Tohru flopped back, beaming.

"You'll have to wait until Friday, Tohru-chan. The train doesn't leave until then." Nayoko joined in with Tohru's laughter. This was much better. When those two returned, she'd give them a tongue lashing alright. Making Tohru worry like this…

Harrumph. Yes, there certainly would be a little heart to heart.

* * * * * * * * * *

For the third day in a row, the meal tray was returned untouched. Although she wasn't allowed to talk to him, Kagura wanted nothing more than to simply hear his voice. Her poor Kyou-kun…locked behind those walls! She had grown up hearing rumors about this room- about how it was haunted by malign spirits. As a little girl, she had often been dared to enter it, and return with something from behind the walls.

Now as she gazed upon the plain wooden walls, bland in the light of day, she found it hard to imagine how such a simple room could have been the source of such stories. Of course though, it really was a living nightmare, because those unpretentious parapets made up a prison. A prison that held her Kyou-kun.

It had been almost three weeks since Akito's announcement of Yuki's return and of Kyou's containment.

Akito had allowed them to return to their homes and schools, he had even granted them permission to use the beach villa during the summer. But these platitudes had been quickly followed by instructions- a ten commandments parse, but rolled up into one main directive. No one was to come in direct contact with the thirteenth. Apparently, 'monster' and 'that thing' had lost their appeal, so Kyou had been dragged down to the androgynous thirteenth.

By direct contact, no one was to speak or show recognition of his existence.

Kagura knew better than to argue. Still though, just one quick little peak… After all, he hadn't been eating. Maybe he had passed out or something. Could she really be blamed for checking on him?

Nope, no way!

Cautiously, she crept around to the north side of the room, to the barred window that they had all been forbidden view of. Pushing away at the undergrowth, she peaked in through the bars. Laying flat on the floor was the object of her worries and often repulsed affections. Her Kyou-kun!

It was too sad. Someone of his nature shouldn't be locked up. Clearing her throat, Kagura tapped against the metal reinforced walls with a frequently bitten fingernail.

"Kyou-kun?" she whispered.

Immediately he sat up, his face showing only bewilderment. "Kagura?"

"Kyou-kun!" Her happiness resounded clearly.

"Kagura…tell me, what happened?" he whispered urgently.

"Nani? What do you mean what happened?" Kagura replied, confused.

"Tohru- has she been found? Has Akito done anything to her?" Again the urgency was evident in every word.

"No, Kyou-kun. Tohru-chan's still missing." A sigh of relief filled the barren room, empty but for a futon and a desk. A door in the corner hid a latrine, Kagura imagined. Her poor Kyou-kun…

"Ano, Kyou-kun, you should eat."

Kyou flipped a hand, as if batting away her concern. "I'm not hungry."

"But if you don't eat, you'll get sick!"

"Like I said, I'm not hung-" He would have continued but for a coughing fit. The harsh thick sounds shook his shoulders, and Kagura could see just how thin he really had become underneath his bulky sweatshirt.

"Please, Kyou-kun…just eat a little." He didn't answer, but turned farther from her view, as if avoiding the sunlight that patterned across the floor.

"Should you be talking to me?" he asked quietly.

"We've been forbidden."

"I think you should leave then."

"Kyou-kun!"

"If you get punished, it'll be my fault. So please, just go." He stood up stiffly and walked to the futon, stretching out on it. After a few seconds, Kagura, too, rose. She paused to glance at him one more time, and then stepped away from the window and back into the full light of the sun.

That was the first time he had used that word with her.

Please.

How much he had changed, her Kyou-kun.

* * * * * * * * * * *

She had opted on walking instead of taking a taxi. It simply felt right to follow the path by foot. Three years ago on this day, her mother's hands had turned cold beneath Tohru's own. Moments later, the rest of her body followed the path of her hands. She had never been able to dissociate that connection- the cold and death. Nor with the color white. It had been in that too white hospital room, surrounded by white sheets and pristine walls, that her mother had whispered her name in her last breath.

Tohru inhaled deeply, breathing in the familiar scents from the park. She had grown up across from the small square, playing with the neighborhood children, and climbing the aging camellia trees. The path had aged during the past 17 years, the stones beneath her feet having been worn and weathered down into the weeds. Dandelions pushed their way between the cracks; once again the plants had reclaimed their own.

The irony of her mother having been buried across from this park had never left her. And in a way though, it had felt only right that her mother should find her final resting place across from the very grounds that she had so loved. Her mother had marked her life among the camellia trees, their aging mirroring her own maturity. Once, Kyoko had taken her for lunch beside the small pond that centered the park. Beneath one of the blooming trees, she had told her daughter of her life as a gang member. She hadn't been ashamed of it- rather she was proud to tell her daughter of her struggles to become an individual, free from social pressures and dogmas. The gang had been her mother's first family, and at one time, her only real one. It had been when she had met Tohru's father, the kind, understanding Honda-sensei, that she finally realized that she no longer needed that kind of family.

So many years later, Tohru finally understood just what it was that her mother had meant by her story. A family wasn't made up of people who shared the same name or even blood, but a likeness of spirit, of heart. It was a tightly woven tapestry, each colorful strand threaded by love and understanding. The nightmares and mistakes of the past weren't meant to haunt the present, creating walls where there should only be open fields. It was within a family, her mother had said, that one finds the ability to break down those walls, and find peace from the nightmares.

It had also been beneath that very same tree, beside that very same pond, that Kyoko had told her daughter of her father's death.

Tohru had been too young to fully understand or even remember how it was her father had died. And it had been too painful for her mother to explain it. She remembered the day ever so clearly. It had been one of those summer days when the heat dripped from the clouds, and clung to the trees. It had been too hot to do little else except lie in the grass, under the shade of the red blossoms and wait for the breeze. It had been in one of those moments of waiting that Kyoko had taken Tohru into her arms and cried into her hair.

Her father had died, she had said. He had gone away, far away, beyond even the clouds and stars.

But when would he be back, Tohru had asked.

Never, her mother had said.

And then the breeze had found its way down to the knoll of grass, pushing her matted brown hair from her forehead, whispering unutterable words into her ears. In that mixed moment of sadness, confusion, and the little emotions that flood the heart in times of loss, she had heard her father's voice.

When her mother had died, there had been no wind. There had been nothing. Only silence.

Absently, her hand caressed the rough bark that lined the tree's trunk in long shallow strips. The sun was barely overhead, but the hints of the incoming summer were tell tale in its rays. She slid to the ground, mindless of the damage she was doing to her skirt, or the pieces of bark caught in her hair. As much as she loved Chiyo, it was beneath these trees that she had first discovered how to love. How much she had missed them… and all that they brought. Caught between the leafy green troves, giant scarlet and golden blossoms spread out their petals, laughing upwards.

Somewhere up there, beyond those clouds, past the sun hidden stars, were her parents. Perhaps right now, they were looking down on her, watching her as she sat, pieces of rough grass poking at her legs, searching upwards for them. Perhaps they knew why she was here…that she had come to say good bye.

Wearily, Tohru pulled herself up from the grass and tapped the trunk affectionately. The wind torn bark clung to her hand, as if wishing her to stay. Smiling slightly, she shook her head, feeling that same weathering wind pull at her hair. No use stalling any longer.

And with that she continued to the path, following it as it exchanged stone for sidewalk, and sidewalk for brown earth. The stone heads lining her left and right each housed long silent souls of their own. As she closed her eyes, she wondered if she could sense which was the one housing her mother's. Her step slowed, drawing more hesitant as a habit that should never be made caught hold of her gait, pulling her in time to the waiting black face. With a steady surety, her brown orbs re-awakened, focusing in on the tomb that marked her mother's passing.

"Mother…" The wind had followed her from the park, chasing at her words. "I've missed you."

The urge to let go, to weaken, and fall at her mother's grave came strongly. The urge to pretend again, to pretend that if she closed her eyes long enough, and dreamt hard enough, her mother would appear beside her once more. How very easy it'd all be to bring those kind eyes and infectious laughter to life again- to feel that rock beneath her feet once more!

But she had done that once, and now she knew that easy did not equate with right.

Tohru knelt, her knees just barely grazing at the grainy dirt beneath her feet. She traced her mother's name across the name plate, each letter engraining itself to her skin.

"This will be the last time that I talk to you like this. I just wanted to tell you of all that's happened, of how I've changed, of how happy I've become. I think you'd be proud of me, Mother."

The words played in the persistent wind, each syllable lifting heaven wards.

"I graduated- I have my diploma." She smiled, her vision blurred by the tears gathering themselves. "And what's more, I understand now- I really do- I understand just what it was you tried to teach me. I have a family that loves me, and I them. We trust each other, Mother, but what's more is I can show them all my faces. My tears, my smiles, even my anger and sadness- Mother, they accept them all; these sides of me that you taught me to be true to, I can show it to them."

She rose slowly, her joints moving fluidly. She dropped the small bouquet of lilies that dangled from one hand into the vase that never left the grave's side.

"I'm going to try and be like you now, Mother. I want to protect them. I want to ensure their happiness. I want to wake each morning knowing that by simply doing what I do, I'm making their lives better. Its what I've decided to do with my life."

The smile grew in beauty, the simple truths passing its lips creating something altogether singular, transient.

"So that's why I've come today, like this. There's something I have to say, Mother. Something I should have said long before today. I never meant to be like that… to hide like that. I've been a coward since you left…"

She closed her eyes, the tears pushing at the closure. So steady, this wind that kept at her face, teasing at her lashes and tugging at her hair. So familiar, it was…just like that day.

"But I want to be brave. Like you."

And there came that touch, that memory from that scorching summer day. Unutterable words, whispered in the language of angels and the heavens, tossed by the wind.

"Good-bye, Mother."

She turned around, her skirt swept against her bare legs; her cheeks drawn cold by the damp cascades spilling from beneath her shut eyes. Tohru inhaled sharply, and took the first step forward- the first step in so many ways. The second came more easily, the third even more so, and by the fourth, she could step without stumbling. Retracing the path taken just a half hour earlier, the habit rewound, she opened her eyes and let the tears fall freely.

"Oi!" A strong feminine voice called out from behind. Tohru stopped immediately- that voice! It was so familiar… Almost disbelieving, but still hoping it to be true, she turned around. The cry that filled her throat rose, and she rubbed unabashedly at her eyes. There, but steps behind her at her mother's grave, stood her friends. Uo-chan, her arms filled with food for a picnic, and beside her, Hana-chan, her black dress wisped by the breeze.

"Uo-chan! Hana-chan!" Tohru dropped her purse and ran forward, the happiness in her heart at seeing her friends after so long, almost overflowing.

She wrapped her arms around Arisa's slender waist, burrowing her face into her shirt. Her words were muffled, but her tears were certainly felt through the thin fabric. The tears stopped abruptly as strong arms pulled her from her grip. A little confused, Tohru stumbled backwards, questions written across her face.

"Uo-chan? What's wrong?" she asked worriedly. Maybe they were angry at her? Had they not received her letter?

Arisa stared at her, an unreadable expression on her face. Saki had yet to say anything, but her blank stare was enough to worry Tohru even further. What had happened?

"Who are you?" Arisa asked bluntly, her arms crossing themselves defensively.

"What?" The meaning behind Uo-chan's question drew her to step back once more.

"I asked, who are you? And what are you doing at Kyoko-san's grave? You were the one who brought the lilies, right?" Again, Arisa pressed, her questions obviously meant sincerely.

"But Uo-chan- don't you recognize me? Hana-chan?" She looked back and forth between the two, bewilderment filling her eyes.

"Your waves seem familiar, but I don't see how." Saki continued in her monotone, scrutinizing Tohru's still damp face. "No, I don't know you."

"But- but…its me- Tohru! Kyoko-san was my mother! How could you have forgotten me?" A slow horror was beginning to dawn in the back of Tohru's mind, her suspicions growing, even as she fought off the truth of them.

"Kyoko-san had no daughter! How dare you say that?" Arisa's voice was full of anger, and it was only at Saki's touch on her shoulder that she drew back from her menacing stance.

"No…" she could only whisper at the onslaught of words- hateful words coming from her friends.

"I don't know who you are, or why you claim to be Kyoko-san's daughter, but you shouldn't come on the anniversary of her death and lie to her grave." Saki's stern stare stung even more than Arisa's angry words.

They had forgotten her…and the realization pushed itself fully. No- their memories had been erased- she had been erased. All memory of her having ever been their friend, having laughed with them, cried with them- all of that, every little moment, every little second, every shared happiness- all of it had been erased, taken away.

"No!" An anger struck out from her, almost blinding out the sorrow that had taken hold. To have done this…to have been this malicious. Why would anyone do this? Why would anyone go so far as to do this? It was too much…

She stepped back once more and turned, wanting only to run away from this grave yard and the two people who no longer recognized her. She ran on past her purse, beyond the gate, beyond the park from her childhood, wanting nothing more than escape. No tears fell; her eyes had never been dryer. This new emotion that filled her heart, it was an ugly thing, utterly foreign and completely unknown. The wrongness of it tore away at her thoughts guiltily, while another voice cried out its rightness.

Without realizing it, her feet had drawn her into a familiar forest, the trees lining the path having been passed countless times. The house that rose to fill the view had long been emptied of its louder occupants, leaving behind only the one. It was to this that she ran, and to this house's door that she flung herself through. Still blinded by all that she felt, she pushed herself inwards, past the kitchen that had long since stopped being filled with savory aromas, or bickering voices; past the den that had gathered in dust; past the stairs that had once been climbed daily, touched morning, noon, and night; and into a study that had long to feel her familiar hands clean its shelves.

She crumbled at the feet of a stunned man, his glasses bridged at the tip of his nose. Ignoring the rough feel of the yukata against her cheek, the sobs that only came as rushes of breath, flooded free. The injustice of it- the cruelty of it! Was there no warmth in that man's heart? Was there no kindness? Has she truly been so wrong? Had her blind faith in the goodness hidden in his heart been something made of whims and fancies? And had this been her punishment…

Just barely, above this crowded cloud of questions and self accusations, came a voice she hadn't heard in over six months. Shigure-san…

"…happened?" She only caught the last word, but it was enough to draw her back from her mind and into the present. Wiping at her eyes, she blinked upwards blearily. Shigure's worried face met her blurry vision. He hadn't changed at all…still the same youthful face and mature eyes.

"Shigure-san!" And again she threw herself at him, this time wrapping her arms around him in an embrace, knowing full well the change that would follow. Despite the sudden feel of fur beneath her cheek, she continued to hug him, her hand smoothing down his matted hair.

"Shigure-san…why? Why were their memories erased? Why? I don't understand…" Beneath her touch, she felt him shift his weight. Slowly he answered.

"Akito… he was angry when you left. He blamed you for Yuki and Kyou's leaving as well."

"I still don't understand though- why did he take them away? Why did he erase their memories of me, and only me?"

"Tohru- " He withdrew from her embrace, and Tohru turned around, giving him his privacy. The change followed and he shrugged back into his clothes, his thoughts a little scattered. Why was Tohru back? Of all the times to come here, now was the worst. If Akito found out…

"He wanted to hurt you, Tohru. That's why," he answered simply.

"I see…" Her voice came out flat, the words dying as they left her lips. Her eyes widened as she continued.

"Shigure-san, please tell me, did something happen to Kyou-kun and Yuki-kun? They haven't called or written, and I was worried…" She stared at her hands; in her eyes they seemed so small, so useless.

"He was, and is angry. Very angry. He tried to find you for a long time, but not too long ago, he stopped the searching. He seemed to know that they would return. And four weeks ago, they did." Shigure stopped speaking. How much should he tell her? She might do something foolish if she knew the situation they were in now.

"Then, they're at the Honke now?" she asked.

"Yes…" he replied hesitantly. Careful now…

"Can I see them?" Her voice had yet to regain any of the life that Shigure had been used to hearing in it. His little flower had changed during the past months. She not only looked older, but something in her demeanor, in her eyes had changed as well. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but, nevertheless, she was different.

"I don't think that would be wise. As I said, he- Akito- is angry still. He's been looking for you." He pulled himself up from the floor, stretching his knees as he rose. Changing tones, he ruffled her hair and offered a hand to help her up. Pointedly ignoring her frown, he smiled childishly and batted at her shoulder.

"But I'm so glad to have my little flower back! I almost starved while you were off in a tryst with my younger cousins. Maa, maa, it was so unfair, them taking you away and leaving me with this empty house and no one to make this old man laugh." Shigure increased his smile and tugged at her arm. Tohru didn't respond at first, but as he continued prodding and poking, she uplifted her eyes to his face.

A sad smile made its way across her lips, its entrance halting Shigure in his tracks.

"Tohru…" She certainly had changed. He dropped the act altogether and sighed. "I'm sorry, but I can't answer all of your questions. I think it would be best if you had a good night's rest and in the morning, we can talk."

She nodded, the slight gesture tossing hair across her face. In one graceful gesture, she swept it from her vision and stepped past Shigure to the stair. On the second step, she turned around and fixed her unsteady brown eyes on his.

"Shigure-san…" she said, "I missed you."

He only smiled and nodded in return, waving her up. Wearily, she obeyed, still shell shocked by the day's revelations. He watched as she made her way up and disappeared down the hall. Once out of sight, he dropped his hand to his forehead, rubbing tiredly at his brow. This had not been the reunion he had quite been anticipating. He had imagined a slightly happier affair, not Tohru arriving in tears and the potential of a even bigger tragedy making its way into creation.

Silently, he continued to stare at the step Tohru had just taken to the second floor. Pulling away from them, he padded back into his study, closing the door behind him.

"I missed you, too, my little flower. We all missed you."

* * * * * * * * * *

Author's notes:

Well, you guys, I finished this rather quickly if I do say so myself, and since I do, then I do! Yeah. So. I finished my very last day at Claire's Accessories (no tears shed there) so for two weeks, I'm completely free of any duties whatsoever. I can sleep in until 3 in the afternoon, walk around in grungy gym clothes, or sit outside in the sun and fry myself silly. However, one thing I will definitely be doing is writing the last, and I believe it maybe be only three more, chapters of this story.

And just so you've been warned, if you think something happy is going to happen, it won't. Even you think I'm hinting at it, its not coming. Oh and this ending has been alluded to time and time again, so if you're all like, "where'd that come from?" go back and reread.

You've been warned.