Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Beginnings ❯ Chapter 16 ( Chapter 16 )

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I do not own fruits basket.

Beginnings

Carpetfibers

Chapter 16

60; The weeks had passed in relative quiet. If he closed his eyes long enough, he could almost imagine himself away from the wood paneled room, away from the winding paths filled with overgrown weeds and crumbling stones, even away from the silence that had been imposed upon him. He was allowed no contact with anyone except for Akito. While Kyou had been physically locked up, Yuki had been blackguarded into another sort of prison. In exchange for Akito's exclusive claim upon him, he had been promised Tohru's freedom. She was to be left alone.

60; He really had no choice. A part of his mind screamed that Akito's promises only led to more lies, that Akito simply could not be trusted. But then again, the other side argued, if Yuki did disobey and rebel, and Tohru was hurt, then it would be his fault. It was a catch 22 in all manners of the phrase. At least, this way, he could hope that for the time being the brown eyed girl would be safe.

60; For now, he could keep that thought in mind, despite the pressing in of the walls, and the deafening silence that threatened to overwhelm him.

60; Surprisingly enough, his 'duty' toward Akito consisted mostly of sitting in the clan leader's room doing, well, basically nothing. His almost mirror image would stretch out in the sunlight or rest his head against the wall. On occasion he would talk for long lengths about the gardens or about their youth. The way Akito described some of their memories would have one believe that they were things of joy and happiness. A direct opposite from the way Yuki remembered them.

60; He kept on waiting for some kind of blow, some physical hurt followed by the mental barbs and emotional jabs, but - again, nothing came. It seemed a little too good to be true…after all, since when had Akito ever been happy with the things of a normal life like conversation and company? The man had only been destructive, wanting only to break a person's will and bend it to his own. Still though…Tohru's persistent good will to all must have rubbed off on him. Yuki had actually found himself thinking that perhaps she was onto something when she described him as a child.

60; But common sense prevailed. The daily reminders of his and Kyou's captivity, of Momiji's and who knows how many others' revised memories, and of the deeds of days past- these were more than enough to remove any doubt toward Akito's character.

60; The one window in his room took up almost an entire panel, from floor to ceiling. He had remembered it always being blocked off by shutters as a child, but now, sunlight poured in, its warmth dimmed by its travel through the glass. It was against this window that he rested his brow, his grey eyes closed and dreaming of a small house cradled in between rolling hills. His dream carried on the sensations of scent and sound: the tangy oceans spray that left its perfume all across the cliffs, and waves' constant rush against the shore, a lullaby of sorts.

60; In his mind's eye, he traced up from the whitewashed shore to the faint path that led to a weathered house. A small vegetable garden was tucked away behind its walls, sheltered from the often howling wind. A line of begonias and daisies had been planted there as well, but by a different set of hands. Between two firs, a clothes line stretched, the white sheets that clung to it billowing with each passing breeze. In between those white ghosts, tiny glimpses could be seen of a figure with long brown hair and busy hands. In the peak a boo frames, he could see her brush a stray piece from her face or shield her eyes from the glaring sun. He could even hear her whisper the words from a song she had heard on the radio.

60; He'd stretch out his hand to touch her shoulder but open his eyes to only be touching glass.

60; Dully, Yuki wondered how Kyou was fairing. Perhaps he was spending his hours much the same way. That place had a window as well.

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60; Despite having spent more than two years sleeping in the room, Tohru woke feeling herself in unfamiliar quarters. Nothing had been changed; Shigure had left everything as she had left it. The coverlet still had a small tear at its edge, something she had planned on fixing. The small bottle of perfume Hanajime had given her, along with her vanity brush set, all rested on her dresser, a light coat of dust frosting them. The math books she had been studying with laid out on the floor, open to the page that she had spent almost two hours agonizing over.

60; All had been left as she had left it. It made the room feel less like a livable place and more like a church, a sanctum even. A rush of sympathy filled her heart as she thought of Shigure spending his hours alone in this house, with rooms filled with possessions belonging to people no longer there. Then the guilt followed.

60; She pulled herself from beneath the softly scented blankets and their warmth. There was no time for self recrimination- she had to think ahead. A full night's worth of dreaming and thinking had been enough to awaken her suspicions and that frequently mentioned thing called intuition. Her friends were in trouble. Kyou and Yuki- and she had to do something to help them. First things first, right? One step at a time and then everything will move forward. Forward.

60; And so she did the same: move forward to the closet that held clothes not worn in over half a year's time. The skirt and sweater felt just as unfamiliar as the room did now. Both carried an air of having been forgotten, of having been left behind- both physically and figuratively. It was enough to make her hands lift themselves to her hair, searching out the usual strands to tie back with a ribbon. The movement came unconsciously, as did a thousand different memories, all from this house. The constant fights between Yuki and Kyou, Shigure's pointed teasing, late night talks on the roof, dirt stained fingers, fresh strawberries, dinners together- all those many nights spent laughing and talking together.

60; Slowly the room gained a warmth, brought on by her memories. The weight taken from her shoulders, Tohru left through the door and ran down the stairs, taken by the need to see her old friend. A delicious fragrance met her at the foot of the stairs. Following it, she stopped, surprised, at the kitchen entrance. Just inside it stood Shigure, his usual yukata covered by an apron, looking as if he spent his every moment in a kitchen. Three different dishes were bubbling away on the stove top, and he alternately stirred and flipped the items on each.

60; "Shigure-san!" Tohru said, surprised.

60; "Ah, Tohru-kun," he replied, a bright smile on his face, "You should have slept longer. I wanted to surprise you."

60; "I'm sorry...you still surprised me, though. I never knew you could cook," she said.

60; "And I never knew you snored," he teased.

60; "I don't snore!" Tohru cried, a blush stealing over her cheeks.

60; Shigure laughed, one hand turning off the burners, the other on the counter. How good it felt to hear that sound again, Tohru thought. How very good. Another kind of warmth filled her, making her wish that she wouldn't have to end this moment by bringing up worries of the present.

60; "Ano, Shigure-san, I need to know what's happened to Kyou and Yuki."

60; Shigure waved a hand, brushing the request off. "After breakfast, Tohru-kun. It's been a long time since I've spoken to my little flower. I want to hear all about your tryst up in the mountains."

60; She nodded, blushing again. He hadn't changed at all...still always joking, trying, in his own way, to comfort.

60; "Okay, Shigure-san. After breakfast then."

60; He shooed her on out, and she sat hesitantly at the small center table, pulling the heated blanket over her knees. The thin paper walls did little to keep out the late spring air. She stared blankly at the table's smooth wooden surface, focusing her energy on not thinking. Of course though, whenever you try to not think, you really end up thinking more about whatever it is you don't want to think about.

60; "Maa...Tohru-kun, I may have made a little bit too much," Shigure announced as he placed five different steaming plates on the table. He sat across from her and looked expectantly at her wide eyes.

60; "Shigure-san, this is too much!" she breathed, eyeing the enormous plates.

60; Once again, the dark haired novelist waved off her comment. "So there'll be left overs. I don't cook for everyone, you know. You should feel very special to have a meal cooked by one as talented and brilliant as myself."

60; Tohru laughed, "You sound like Ayame-san."

60; Her laughed died off as something foreign fluttered through Shigure's blue eyes.

60; "What's wrong?" she asked softly.

60; "Nothing, nothing at all! Come, come, Tohru-kun. Say the blessing so we can eat." His smile was back full force.

60; "Itadakimasu," Tohru said at last, the word falling somewhat dead from her lips.

60; Shigure, as usual, ignored this and started filling her plate. He mirrored the action for himself.

60; "So Tohru-kun, how went these past couple months?" he asked casually, almost as if inquiring about a passing vacation.

60; Tohru swallowed down the probably delicious but tasteless piece of fish. "Shigure-san, I don't know if I can-"

60; "Please, tell me all about it. How you decorated the house, how you kept those two from destroying everything- all of it!" he insisted, shoving a vegetable into his mouth.

60; She looked up from the plate and met his eyes- so very different from his tone! Whatever lightness came through in his voice was obviously false. His eyes were so serious, worried, and drawn. He was doing this for her benefit, trying to ease her discomfort and worries.

60; Tohru dropped her hands to her lap. "It was very pretty, Shigure-san- a small house, but we all worked hard to make it home. Yuki made a garden out back and let me grow some flowers as well. Kyou replaced the glass and helped me make some curtains. They both worked so hard to make me comfortable."

60; She lifted her eyes again to his own. "I worked at the library and continued studying. Kyou worked as a tutor for the grade school while Yuki worked with the local high school's grounds keeper. We all worked hard, but- Shigure-san, we were so happy!"

60; "Were, Tohru-kun?" Shigure asked gently. "Why not are?"

60; She didn't answer at first, her meal growing cooler with the passing minutes. "Please, Shigure-san, please tell me: what's happened to Yuki and Kyou?"

60; He rose abruptly, a few trace crumbs falling to the floor. His smile matched his eyes this time. "I wish you didn't insist on that, little flower. Akito wants to see you. He wants to tell you himself."

60; "Akito-san?" she repeated, a slight quiver of fear in her voice.

60; "I had wanted to stretch this breakfast a little longer, but I see that you're worried. We'll go immediately, alright Tohru-kun?" The kindness in his voice was almost painful, and Tohru was too afraid to press further, too afraid to ask what the great unknown here was. Because if Shigure didn't want to say, or at least wouldn't say, then this great unknown had to be truly horrible.

60; Nightmares fade away in with the coming of morning, Tohru- remember that.

Right.

60; Just look for morning.

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60; He sat facing the northern gardens, the steady breeze that habited there striking his face in constant beats of threes. One, two, three- so cool. One, two, three- is that honeysuckle? One, two, three- and now foot steps. One, two, three- they've finally arrived. He could smell her, sense her, even picture the shadow she must be casting behind him. It was only natural to have such an intimate knowledge of one who had been an enemy so long.

60; That girl- she was exactly that, an enemy. She strove to take away the bits of life he had left, take away the bits of recourse he had for his lot in life. Not that he felt bad for himself. He didn't. Self pity was for the weak willed, the weak minded. And to be weak minded was to seek an early death. So why call for something already predestined and draw the straws even shorter?

60; The thought almost made Akito laugh out loud. Behind him, he could hear her unsteady shuffle, her feet moving from side to side. She was probably wondering what to do, worrying, and fearing. Fear was such a trip sometimes. Really, if people would just realize how dehabilitating fear is, then they'd learn to conquer it far earlier in life. Gods, the number of times all he had had to do was give a gentle push in the fear department, and one of his cousins would simply crumble.

60; Conquer all your fears, boy! There can be no fear, only control. Understood?

60; Understood. The elders had got it right when they had instructed him on his future position as clan head. He could think of a few more maxims to toss into the basket, but honestly, who wanted to dwell in the past? Weaklings, regretters, and a number of other sorts of losers. Losers is right. That cat, he was a loser in all sense. And the other one, that brilliant one, that talented one, that one whom all the parents had lauded and praised- so strong, so clever, what a prince! Now he was a loser as well, because he had yet to set aside his ties to others. If he thought only of himself, he would never be in the situation he was in now.

60; But then again, who really was the source of Yuki's weakness? Why none other than that sniveling girl behind him. That slip of a girl with stupid childish ribbons tied in her hair. God, how he hated seeing those things. They made her seem like a child, innocent, when she wasn't. She wasn't! Damn it, she wasn't. She was the enemy.

60; And so he repeated that to himself, as he finally turned away from the honeysuckle scented wind and faced this enemy of his, an enemy looking so very different from the girl he had beaten those many weeks ago. She looked no longer the girl or the child, but a woman. Her eyes were the same earthen brown, but their expression had matured, had gained some sense of the world, a knowledge. And now they held not pity as before or sadness as before, but- fuck it all- understanding!

60; Yes, she was the enemy. The enemy.

60; "Are you hungry?" he began abruptly, more than a little surprised by the nervous line of sweat that filled his palms.

60; "No, Akito-san, I'm not hungry," she answered quietly, her eyes not leaving his face. He fought off the impulse to look away. Again, he repeated, the enemy, the enemy.

60; "Thirsty?" he asked. Again she replied with a negative, those knowing eyes of hers still on his face. Damn it, that she should be so audacious!

60; "Then sit down and know your place. Your eyes should be on the floor; remember it is you who comes wanting information, not the other way around." He was only further enraged when she nodded and did exactly as he asked. She should rebel, refuse, act out! Something other than how she was now...

60; "You're here because you want to know what's happened to your little family, correct?" he asked rhetorically, a sarcastic lilt on the family part. Again she nodded, her eyes still clear and focused. Where was the fear?

60; "They're here. And they'll stay here where they belong, with me." This brought a rise out of her. She visibly shuddered, and Akito felt a spark of satisfaction at the action.

60; "Is there something you wish to say?" He sat back on his legs, resting his chin on his hand lazily. He wanted to provoke her into saying something, anything that would give him the slightest call to strike out at her- wipe off that god awful expression.

60; "What do you want Akito-san?" Her voice rang out as clear as her eyes, not the smallest trace of a tremor. Again, Akito felt the chill of sweat coat his hands.

60; "What do you mean, what do I want?" he asked slowly, carefully enunciating each word.

60; "Akito-san, please, tell me what I must do to help my friends?" This time she dropped her eyes, and again, that swell of satisfaction washed over him. That's it exactly. Cower, fear, cry! "I will do whatever it is you want."

60; He wanted her to be afraid, that's what he wanted. And he wanted to see that expression, that validation of his power in her eyes. "Look up, and I'll tell you."

60; Slowly, Tohru rose her eyes, her heart pounding beneath her chest. The fear from breakfast had passed with a settling of a conviction. She had decided: whatever must be done to help those who had been so kind and so generous with their trust and love- she would do it. Without regret, without a second thought. And it was that decision, that conviction that gave her the strength to look at Akito without anger, and mostly, without fear.

60; He hated it. If he had less self control he would have struck out at her eyes, clawed the damned things out. Instead though, he used his mind. He calculated, he weighed pros and cons. What could be gained- and finally he struck upon it. If she really meant what she said, well then, all would be fine. He would win either way. Get rid of her and at the same time drive her from the minds of his clan. Dirty her, sully her, make her a thing of hurt and pain.

60; And he'd be the one left to comfort them, prove to them that family was all that could be trusted. Family would never desert them, never leave them, never hurt them. He would never desert them; he would never leave them; he would never hurt them.

60; But before all this, he was curious. No, more than curious, it was like a need. He had to know what it was that she did that drew them all in. Pride aside, he had to know. Why was it that they could all so easily fall under her spell, but for him- there came only fear and obedience.

60; "Tell me, Tohru Honda, tell me first. Why is it?" his words came slowly, hesitantly, in a tone so sincere and yet bitterly sad that Tohru's generous heart broke at its sound. "Why is that they love you and not me?"

60; And again, Tohru's mind wrestled with the fact that this tragic figure in front of her was the same man who caused so much hurt in his brief life. It tore and clutched and ripped away at her heart, wanting to crush it with hurtful memory after hurtful memory, but as always, her heart proved a tougher thing.

60; "They love you, Akito-san! They do! But when you love someone, you shouldn't fear them. You love them simply because your heart tells you to, and for no other reason. But when you love someone, you give them freedom- you want that the desires of their heart be filled. Love can be selfish, but love in its truest form is selfless. Akito-san, don't you see? Don't you see? If you really love them, if you really love Yuki and Kyou and Shigure and Kisa and Haru- if you really love them, you'd let them go. And you'll see, they'll come back, too. Love will bring them back."

60; Tohru stopped finally, a little breathless. Unconsciously, she had dug her nails into her legs while speaking and now thin red lines were growing across her knees. For what felt like hours, yet was more like minutes, the silence drew. Akito hid his face from her, showing only his shallow back. Each sound from the birthing summer outside seemed to gain volume: the sweet concerto played by the crickets, their silken legs tugging out the highest of notes; the dull buzz of dragon flies dipping across the rich pond, their wings laden with gold hued pollen; the gentle sweep of the leaves admist their branches, each tiny tendril pushing out towards the sun.

60; "You are a liar." Tohru drew back, her face as stung as if she had been slapped. "You are a filthy liar." Akito stood up slowly, keeping his face hidden. "But it is no matter. I asked, and this was how you chose to answer. You made your decision."

60; The conviction that had been holding her emotions at bay shook beneath her skin. The strength it had loaned her seemed to crumble away with each step Akito took towards her. There was no anger left in his face, no sadness, nothing- it was void of all emotion. He had pushed his heart away and left behind was a dead husk, and it was with that that he faced her.

60; "Tohru Honda, I will keep it simple. You will be taking money in exchange for leaving. You will want to take this money in exchange for leaving because suddenly you realize that as long as you're with us, with the Sohma, you're tied down. You want your freedom; you want your future. So, when I offer you this bargain- money and a new beginning in exchange for having your memory erased- you're going to jump on it. And not only that, but you get to explain why you're doing this to your dear friends. You get to explain it to them all."

60; Tohru sucked in her breath noisily, a great pain knifing through her heart. But Akito wasn't finished.

60; "If, and only if, you manage to convince the others that you make this decision of your own volition, then I will give both Kyou and Yuki their freedom. But only if you convince them of it. There must be no hint of the reality, you must play the part of an actress Tohru Honda, a part I'm sure you'll find yourself well suited to given the circumstances."

60; He knelt down beside her, pulling her chin upwards until their noses were but threads apart. He stared into her eyes as they began to fill with tears, as all the strength that had been in them faded away. Finally, he smiled, a thing of both infinite sadness and happiness.

60; "So now you cry. Does this mean that you won't do your part? You'll leave those you claim to love in captivity, in my evil clutches?" he spat out sarcastically, each word as cutting as any physical wound. "Makes no difference to me. If you'd prefer to have them spend their days like this-"

60; "No! I'll do it, just as you ask. I'll make them believe me. But- but, do you promise? Do you absolutely promise that you'll let them go?" His face was close enough for her to feel his breath on her cheek, and she felt it quicken at her words. Was he going to strike her?

60; "You dare ask that?" he whispered, a mixture of anger and something unreadable in his voice. She nodded, but barely. He leaned in closer, his pale lips touching her cheek as he formed his words.

60; "I swear it. I swear it- if you will leave us, if you will do this. If you will just vanish and take all that you are away with you, I will give all of them their freedom. If you will just go." He could taste her tears as they fell from her eyes, and an unique emotion took hold of his heart. It wasn't quite remorse, but more like regret. A regret of the could haves and should haves and maybes. Choices, forks in the road, and all the thousands of other idioms that marked the makings of life- he tried to leave none as regrets, but now in this instance, he wavered.

60; But that selfish childish need that ordered his life took hold and the regret passed. She was his enemy. Even if she could love him, and love him as she loved all others, it didn't matter. Enemies were to be destroyed, removed.

60; "Get away from me. Tomorrow you will tell them. You have until then to prepare yourself. There's a room to your left prepared. Go now."

60; He pushed her away from him, wincing slightly at the loud smack her knees made against the wood paneled floor. Akito didn't turn around as she wiped her cheeks and pulled herself up from the floor. He didn't move a muscle as she shut the papered door behind her, the slight wind of it rustling his hair. Instead, he closed his eyes and counted the rhythm of the wind. Still the steady cadence of threes.

60; One, two, three- the honeysuckle really had bloomed wonderfully this year.

60; One, two, three- remember, she is the enemy.

60; One, two, three- spring is almost over.

60; One, two, three- how time does fly.

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