Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Beginnings ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer:

I don't own Fruits Basket. I don't own anything at all except for this torn piece of cloth that, despite denial by the Japanese government's department of bishy affairs, came from Shigure's yukata. He lost it while slipping out of my house one night. But then again, I'm not allowed to confirm this rumor or the DBA will hunt me down and tear out my tongue, staple open my eyes, and make me watch Pokemon for the rest of my life.

Sigh.

Warning: This is what I would describe as a filler chapter. I plan on picking up some speed, but I really needed to get my character's personalities in order. Ie: I needed to give Tohru some backbone. So sue me; I get sick of her being such a wimp half the time. I love Tohru, but the girl has to grow up sometime.

On with the show.

Oh, and it goes without saying- Read and Review, please.

Beginnings

BY: CARPETFIBERS

Chapter 5

Tohru stood in the doorway, hesitant. After that initial moment of surprise and, yes, shock, the looks of relief in her friends' eyes had passed and were now replaced with something else, something indefinable. She continued standing there, her one shoe in hand, her pale face taunt in the moonlight, and her lips tightly drawn. Normally, she would have smiled or apologized or done something that bespoke a 'tohru-ism,' yet she simply didn't feel like it. She was both mentally and physically exhausted, and the last thing she wanted to do was push herself into the effort. She was the new Tohru now, and in all honesty, it was a relief. It felt as if a huge burden had been taken from her shoulders.

Still though, there was Yuki and Kyou. Neither had risen from their bedrolls. Kyou just stared and stared, his face still somewhat unbelieving. Across from him, Yuki was half standing, half kneeling, frozen mid-rise. The expression flowing through his eyes made her heart beat madly, the blood pumping behind her ears. How was it that she had never noticed that look before? How could she have missed it?

And Kyou- were those actually tears? The moment felt infinite, but as with all things long lasting, the time too quickly ended. With a tightening of his jaw, Kyou rushed up to her, pulling her by the arm in the room harshly. He slammed the door behind her, the strength of it making the windows vibrate.

"Are you crazy? What kind of idiot takes off without word or explanation?" Kyou shouted, his fists clenched. Tohru stared at the ground; it was true, what she had done was foolish, and her reasons held no party here.

"Kyou-kun, I-"

"Don't you apologize! Don't even think about apologizing! How could you just leave? You idiot! You stupid, stupid girl! Didn't you realize that, that- and I found your shoe! I had thought…" Kyou's words died off, the sound caught in his throat. Tohru felt her chin gripped roughly between his fingers, her face twisted to meet his eyes. Fear…fear stood out in their amber hues. He had been afraid; afraid because she had left.

"Kyou-kun…" Tohru whispered, "You're hurting me."

Kyou dropped his hands, his pupils dilating furiously. He glanced back at Yuki who still stood with that indescribable emotion on his pallid face, and then back at Tohru. Something was different, she had changed; he could tell. But- and all the emotions returned, and he knew that if he stayed one moment more he'd do something he'd regret.

"I need to go," Kyou stated abruptly, his hand closing over the door and opening it in one smooth gesture. He didn't look back as he disappeared into the gloom. Tohru closed the door behind him silently, a small sigh escaping her lips. She hadn't been expecting that response at all. What had he meant about finding her shoe? She had guessed that they had been worried, but nothing like Kyou had acted. He had acted as if he had thought she was dead or something.

"We thought you were dead," Yuki said quietly, a slight tremor in his light tenor as he continued. "Kyou found your shoe by a cliff side, and I found your ribbons caught in branch off its side. I thought you were dead."

Yuki still stood by his bed roll, one sock clad foot tucked behind the other, half of his face hidden in the shadows. His words struck Tohru like a whirlwind. They had thought she was dead! Dear god- and all because she had been so blind, because she hadn't wanted to get hurt.

"Yuki-kun, I'm so sorry!" The words escaped her mouth, and immediately she felt how flatly they had fallen. Yuki withdrew deeper into the shadows. "Yuki-kun…"

"Why did you leave, Honda-san?" he asked softly. Tohru felt a dull throbbing begin in the back of her head. She didn't want to have to tell him now, she didn't want to have to deal with this! But- she cared about Yuki; she needed to tell him.

"I was afraid."

Yuki looked up startled. "Afraid? Afraid of what, Honda-san?"

Tohru didn't answer immediately. How to word her revelation…she couldn't just say 'Yuki, all this time I've been hiding behind a shell- all this time- for fear of getting hurt and holding you all at an arm's distance despite your kindness and trust. I've been lying through my teeth and not allowing any of you to get close. I've been sneaky and hypocritical, quoting my mother's wisdom and yet never following it myself. I allowed myself to focus on only one thing thinking it would be enough to sustain myself.' Yeah right.

"Honda-san, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Yuki began, moving closer to her, worried by her silence.

"No, you deserve to know," Tohru interrupted. She continued on softly, almost as if speaking to herself. "That is, you should know because you're my friend. I told myself that I was doing you and Kyou-kun a favor by leaving, that I was only a burden, that all I was doing was causing problems-"

"No, Honda-san, that isn't true!" Yuki cut her off. Gently, Tohru pressed two fingers against his lips. Her confession was growing in difficulty each second she waited to explain.

"Please, let me finish." Yuki nodded and Tohru dropped her hand, suddenly exhausted. "I told myself that, but I was lying. I didn't leave because I was worried about you, I left because I'm selfish. You and Kyou-kun have done so much for me, and I'm not talking about material things. You've trusted me, taken me in, and more than that given me a family. You've trusted me with your most guarded secret, taking the chance that I would reject you. But I never once gave you that same chance."

Yuki took another step closer, his body heat mingling in with Tohru's warmth. He didn't fully understand what Tohru was saying, but he had never seen her look so serious or so sad. Even now, silent tears were tracing trails down her pale cheeks. What he wanted more than anything was to comfort her- take her into his arms and let her cry away whatever pains were ailing her. How he wished he could that!

Taking a deep breath, Tohru gathered together her thoughts, and continued. "Yuki-kun, I left because I was afraid that being around you and Kyou-kun so intimately, spending all our time together like this, that I wouldn't be able to keep together my act. I was afraid that if I stopped smiling, or if I snapped, or if I started to say the wrong things, then you'd see, and you wouldn't like me anymore, and I don't think I could stand my family leaving me. So that's why I left…"

The small room held stagnant, the air practically choking down Tohru, her breaths caught in her throat. Why didn't he say something? Why didn't he say anything, yell at her, tell her its ok, just something! Why wasn't Yuki saying something? I told him the truth, Mother, I did as you asked. Please, though, I don't want to loose my family! She rubbed furiously at her cheeks, the motion jerking Yuki into action.

"You thought I wouldn't want you here anymore?" he asked slowly, the words falling from his lips like rain. Careful to keep her eyes anywhere but on his face, Tohru nodded.

"You thought I would be angry, and not like you?" Tohru nodded again, this time clenching her eyes, the tears falling freely. Yuki took yet another step closer so that her arm almost rested against his chest.

"Look at me," he cradled her face between his thin hands, turning her gently so that she could see into his face. Keeping her eyes firmly closed, she allowed her face to be turned. "Open your eyes."

Terrified now by his indiscernible tone, Tohru just shook her head, the movement stalled by his fingers still holding her cheeks. She didn't want to see his face and see the betrayal that she was sure would be there. She didn't want to see the rejection behind the hurt. She didn't want to be weak, but, no she simply couldn't do it. She couldn't!

Yuki looked down at the girl who was almost in his arms. All he would have to do is move one arm around and she'd be in his embrace. His little Tohru, how much she must have agonized over her confession. Like he'd actually ever turn her away. True he was a little hurt that she hadn't admitted this earlier, but mostly, he felt guilty. He had rarely questioned her constant cheerfulness despite the few times he had seen her cry, or break down and finally say an angry word. On that first New Year's, she had been so good at presenting a happy face that he had been half way to the Sohma house before realizing she'd be alone for the first time since her mother had died. And then he had run in panting, finding her alone and crying. Alone and crying. It had broken his heart. The one time he had seen her in anger was when Akito had shown up at school. Yuki hadn't realized how much power Akito still held over him, and had frozen, all the fears and insecurities from his childhood resurfacing. But tiny, naïve, Tohru had pushed Akito out the way both physically and mentally. With Tohru, Akito was nothing but a bad memory. With Tohru... And now he could share all those emotions she kept hidden. He could be in the place of comforter, protector, and champion. How could she think he'd ever send her away or leave her…how much he loved her.

And now she stood but a finger's length from him, tears scoring down her cheeks, the dull bruises from a week ago still lingering. He traced the lines with one finger, noting how fine her damp eyelashes contrasted with her pale skin. How much he wanted to- but instead he tilted his face down and pressed his lips against one wet eye lid, soothing away the tears. He felt her stiffen beneath his hands, but he ignored it and placed another small kiss. His eyes still trained on her face, he whispered gently.

"I would never leave you…" her eyes flew open, the pupils wide, almost luminescent in the flickering shadows. "I couldn't ever leave you, Tohru."

There, he had said it. He had said her name. He knew of no other way to reassure her of his feelings, of the emotions that plagued him with her every glimpse, with the way she bit down on her lower lip, with the way she hummed in her sleep, with the way she always left the cap off of the toothpaste, and especially when she blushed, her cheeks coloring in a way that only made her more precious in his eyes. Gods, to think that she almost left…

Without thinking of the consequences, Yuki did what he had wanted to do ever since she had walked into their house with her dirty shoe dangling from her fingers. He took her into his arms and surrounded her with his warmth for that brief moment before they were both enveloped in a violet cloud.

Still crying heavily, but no longer looking so desperately sad, Tohru wiped away at her eyes with her sleeve, a small laugh escaping her lips in relief. She slipped to her knees, cupped her hands, and tucked Yuki against her breast, her breathing soon matching his. He didn't say anything more, nor did she. Instead, she was content to simply hold him in the only way she could, hoping, praying that he would understand. And finally, when her silent sobs had subsided, and her breathing had become even, Yuki stepped out from her hands.

Sitting back on his haunches, Yuki sent another silent prayer of thanks to the heavens. Another cloud fogged the room but for a second and then he was back in his clothes, human once again. Lifting her from the floor, he held her away from his chest, his heart constricting even at this motion. If only the curse was gone…but wishing went no where. Instead, he tenderly eased her into the blankets of his discarded bedroll. Pulling her dirty wet jacket from her arms, he wrapped yet another blanket around her, careful during his ministrations not to wake her. Not really paying attention to anything except for the girl sleeping beside him, Yuki absently slipped on a sweatshirt and dug into his own burrow of blankets, and then curled into a ball by her side. His last thoughts fell to the cat as his mind rolled into black shores of sleep; how would the stupid cat react once he learned the truth?

*********************************************************

Why did he always have to react that way? When he had seen her face- when he had opened his eyes and seen her standing the doorway- all he had wanted to do was scoop her up into his arms and make sure she was real, not just some illusion his dreams had conjured up. But instead, he had yelled at her, hurt her as always. He just didn't know what to do with these strange emotions that welled up whenever she was near. He wasn't like that damn rat, always ready with the right words. He might know what he wanted to say, but the words always came out wrong. No matter how hard he tried to be at ease, and say the soothing thing, the calming sentence or phrase that would set her heart at peace- he would always screw up.

Its disgusting!

But no, she hadn't said that when she had seen him. No, she had followed him, chased him down alone in that forest, and then held on to him, all while being honest. She had been frightened, but she wanted him to come home. It wasn't that she didn't care about his true form that touched him so, it was that she did care, she cared enough to still call after him. She had seen his full ugliness up close and personal and yet, still she had come. He wasn't able to say the right words then either, so he simply tried holding her. He had wanted to tell her everything, all his worries, his pains, his past, his demons- everything!

But the damn words got in the way, and the shining prince was always there to say exactly what he felt, so like a third wheel, he would mutter or grunt. How could she stand him? How could she possibly care about him when all he did was treat her like dirt? And those few times when he'd work up the nerve to try and compliment her, and she'd smile back with those genuine rays of sunshine, he'd then insult her. No wonder he had a psycho like Kagura after him…only a psycho would love him.

Let's see, the only people who've said they've loved me were my mother and Kagura. My mother killed herself and Kagura's bipolar.

Thank god he had a sense of the ironic, otherwise his life would be one giant hellhole, not that it already wasn't. That is, it would be if she wasn't there. Thank god, thank god, she was alright.

Kyou kicked at the path angrily. An unusually warm breeze had pushed the fog out from the coast leaving the path illuminated brightly by the full moon overhead. He stopped his musings to turn and stare. How very close it seemed…if he just stretched out his fingers he could touch it… He dropped his fingers and broke into a light jog, maybe that lady was working late or something in her store. She seemed harmless enough, maybe she'd have some advice. At the very least she'd have some milk, which he was craving.

All of main street as Kyou had dubbed it, was blanketed in the night air, not even streetlights breaking through to offer some light. The only source of light on the entire street came from the small convenience store that occasionally flickered as someone moved by it. Letting out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, Kyou hurried over to the door and let himself in, not bothering to knock. Nayoko looked up just briefly surprised by his entrance, but then returned to scribbling away on what looked like finance accounts.

"Oi, Nayoko-san, I need some milk," Kyou finally choked out after the silence had carried on for too long. Still not saying anything, she gestured with her free hand towards the back of the store. He cursed lightly under his breath once back by the milk; she had been so talkative earlier, why couldn't she be now? Not paying attention, he finally grabbed a random carton and headed back towards the front where the middle aged woman now leaned heavily over squinting at a paper.

He dropped the carton unceremoniously in front of her, waiting for some response, but Nayoko was either too caught up in her work or was simply ignoring him. His patience run out, Kyou slapped a hand down on the counter. Nayoko looked up, blinking owlishly.

"I need to know something," he said abruptly. Nayoko pulled off her glasses and nodded, gesturing for him to go on. Kyou shifted his feet uncomfortably, why the hell was she being so quiet all of the sudden? Was he going to have to say it right out?

"I need to get this person I know a present," he chopped out.

"Is this person a girl perchance?" Nayoko asked, humor glinting in her dark eyes.

"Yes, what of it?"

"Nothing at all…what does she like?"

Well, there was a question. Rather what didn't she like? That would be an easier one to answer. He supposed she liked cooking a lot, but didn't she have some hobby aside from cleaning and cooking? But what else did she do?

"Don't you know?" Nayoko interrupted.

"Yes, I know! Just give me a second…" Damn, this was hard. What else did she like, what else did she like…the only thing she did more than cleaning and stuff was sing.

"Where are your radios?" Kyou demanded, inwardly pleased to have thought of it. She'd probably make that big stupid smile of hers when she saw it.

"Second row, about half way down on the left. There's batteries there as well," Nayoko replied pleasantly, picking up one of her deposit slips and refocusing her energies.

Kyou grabbed one of the short wave radio sets and some batteries and then hurried back up the register, digging out some money from his pocket. Nayoko just waved him on.

"I'll just mark it down on your register. When you come back for some more groceries you can pay then." Nayoko dropped the paper, a grin full of teeth crossing her face. "I'm sure your girl friend will love the radio."

"She's not my girlfriend!" Kyou blushed angrily, shoving his way through the front doors.

"Have a good night, and tell Tohru, I said hi!" she called out from behind him, a hearty chuckle escaping her lips. These kids…she was going to see a lot of them, she was sure.

What the hell! How did that lady know Tohru? Kyou tried to think of how they could have met, and finally the source came to him. She must have been the lady who found Tohru and brought her back. He'd have to remember to thank her or something next time he came into town. Maybe he could get Tohru to make some of her rice balls…not that he cared or anything.

He broke out into a steady run, the bag tucked up against his chest. Since he couldn't say the words that he wanted to say, he'd just have to trust that she'd understand. She always seemed to…understand that is.

**************************************************************

Already the moon had begun its descent into the early morning. The air seemed to stretch, a static energy rumbling through it, as if everything and everyone was held in hiatus. Kyou felt a dull ache begin to throb through his joints. Rain was in the forecast he was sure. A clearing appeared through a clump of trees, the unusually calm sea caught in a perfect vista. With the moon dangling at its edges, and the small cape cutting across like fingers stretching, the site was truly beautiful. He'd have to take her here sometime when that damn rat wasn't around.

He memorized the surroundings, implanting the slightly hidden path that had taken him there into his mind. Kyou quickened his pace, and within minutes stood outside of the weather beaten house. Carefully, he opened the door, mindful not to make any noise that might wake up Tohru. With all that had happened in the past week, she would have to be exhausted. Her body had yet to even really start healing. Another wave of guilt flowed over him. Why did he have to yell at her?

Kyou shut the door behind him, and tugged off his shoes, placing his packages next to the stove. Letting his eyes adjust to the dark, he made out the remnants of his bed beside Tohru's sleeping body. Stepping softly, he crossed the room and dug into his blankets. A night spent in the chill of the sea air hadn't helped his aching bones, but it had cleared his mind. One thing was certain: whatever reason Tohru had left, he was glad she had come back.

"Kyou-kun?"

Kyou stiffened, his back tensing up. Had he wakened her? He felt a light touch on his back.

"Kyou-kun, is that you?" she asked again, her voice slightly broken from sleep.

"Hai." He turned around to face her, propping himself up on one elbow. Immediately, a heavy blush coated his cheeks when he found himself just inches from her dry lips. Apparently, she had had the same idea.

"Ah…Kyou-kun, if you can stay up just a little bit longer, I need to tell you something," Tohru whispered softly.

"Wait!" Tohru winced in the shadows and Kyou lowered his voice as he continued. "Wait, I need to say something too."

"Kyou-kun, you don't need to say any-"

"I'm sorry that I yelled at you." There; he had said it. For once the words had come out easily. "I'm sorry that I was so angry. I'm not angry at you. I was just confused."

"Kyou-kun…" his name fell from her lips like a sigh. The tone made him look straight into her face. She had sounded so, so…tender, like when she would talk about her mother. "I'm sorry I worried you. I left because of very stupid reasons, but I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to try and do like you said."

"Like I said?" Kyou asked, confused.

"Hai. When you told me that it was ok to get angry or complain. I'm going to try to show you and Yuki-kun all my sides, and not just one of them."

"You…I just don't understand you at all." Hesitantly, he raised a hand and ran it gently down her hair. He twisted a silky strand around his finger, marveling at its softness. "I don't understand you at all."

"Kyou-kun…" Tohru was sure he could hear her heart, it was beating so loudly. "Kyou-kun, I think-" and she twisted her head so that her hair came free, "I think we should go to sleep."

Kyou nodded, afraid to say anything, not able to trust just what might come from his lips. He listened to her sigh as once again she sunk into her blankets, her pale arm twisting to hold the pillow as a brace against her chest. She held it like she would a shield, as if she was afraid of what her dreams would show her. She held it like she knew the kind of fears he himself had.

Sliding down into his own bedroll, Kyou let his eyes rest on her back, watching as it rose and fell in rhythm to her breathing. When finally, his eyelids began their descent, he allowed himself to fall into her scent. It reminded him of so many things, of his life with his mother, of the dojo, and of course of her. Her perfume was like the emotions he felt when she said his name. It was bittersweet.

******************************************************

For once, he was awake before either one of the early birds. Obviously, Tohru was still worn out from earlier, and Kyou must have come back late. Either way, Yuki was glad at first to have the first few moments of the day to himself and not bother worrying about the cat's watchful eyes, or Tohru's guarded glances. But that quickly changed to embarrassment, as his eyes came into focus and an unfamiliar blush covered his face, turning his ears a particularly bright shade of red.

During the night, Tohru shifted in her sleep, causing her shirt to slide off, baring her shoulder. Just her shoulder wouldn't have been so bad if not that the shirt trailed down, down, down…to a point that Yuki knew Tohru wouldn't want seen. Still though. But no, that was just wrong. He forced his eyes to lock onto her face, drinking in the details of what a sleeping Tohru looked like. Not that he hadn't ever seen her asleep before. He had- it was just that he had never seen Tohru asleep in such a manner. Her face didn't look pained or troubled, just at peace. How could he have not ever noticed the constant strain that tainted her features. How could he have possibly missed the stress that made already white cheeks too pale, and saddened eyes sorrowful.

Tohru moaned softly, her hand stretching out to bat away some dream phantom. Yuki's blush increased as the motion drove her to practically fall into his lap. She would be so embarrassed if she woke up now. He could picture her face…she always looked so cute when she was blushing. But- and he pushed away the temptation- it was better to let her sleep a little longer. Carefully, he dragged one of his discarded blankets over to cover her. Tohru moaned again, this time her lips curving into a smile, and she leaned into the newly laid covers.

When he finally raised his eyes, Yuki almost fell. Kyou was awake as well and now had his red eyes fixed steadily on his own. How long had the cat been watching him? Reaching back into himself, Yuki let the cool exterior that served as his shield take command and merely glared back. He noted how Kyou clenched his jaw and then finally looked away. It was too easy to push his buttons. Plus, he was so predictable. If the cat honestly thought he'd ever be able to beat him, he'd have to learn to not be so readable. Although, to be perfectly honest, Yuki had to admit that he was now sore in more than one place from their fight yesterday. And that was definitely a first. The cat had never been able to lay even a single finger on him before.

He closed his eyes. Why waste time thinking about that stupid cat? He still had hours left to sleep.

On the other side of Tohru the same thoughts were followed, of course though, along a slightly different side of the road. Who needed to waste time thinking about that damn rat? After all, Kyou still had hours left to sleep.

And between them: a girl oblivious to it all. But that's the wonder of sleep, or so her mother used to say.

I'm proud of you, Tohru!

And so she slept on.

Author'sNotes:

Next Chapter: uh-oh! Akito's mad!

Teasers:

- "It's a festival! And there's a giant dance where everyone in Chiyo dresses in costume, like a masque."

- "Erase his memories of her, Hatori. Erase them all. I want him to remember nothing of her when you're finished. I want her to realize how dead she really is."

- "We have to go back!"

Or, I could just be giving you teasers to five chapters away! Haaahahahaaahahahaaaahahahaaaa! Be amazed by my genius; bask in my beauty; stand in awe of my glory! Oh glorious readers, that you should worship me; tears come in flowing rivers!

Yuki: Carpet, you sound like Ayame.

Carpet: Uh, well, I guess I kind of got caught up in things…

Ayame: Oh my brother! Little brother that holds my heart!

Yuki: *blinks* How come I can't move my arms?

Carpet: That's for kissing Tohru; you dirty cheating bastard.

Yuki: Carpet! Its not what you think! Please…just let me hit him or he'll never shut up!

Carpet: Keep on talking Aya.

Ayame: HAAAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAA!

Yuki: *pulls out katana; commits harikari*

Kyou: Oi, the rat killed himself? Before I could beat him! That bastard!

Carpet: *sweatdrops* That's all folks. My bed beckons.

Shigure: And so do I.

*heeheehee*