Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Even a Caged Bird Needs to Fly ❯ Even a Caged Bird Needs to Fly ( Chapter 1 )

Ok, I know I know, I'm supposed to be working on the next chapter of Broken...But Haru got into my head. It's all his fault. *KN points to Haru* "Did not, and don't make me go black on you. I can't believe you wrote such a snivelly story about me anyway." Whatever...by the way I don't own fruits basket etc etc....

Even a Caged Bird Needs to Fly

Nocturnem's Koneko

I watch her, my eyes hidden behind my Gargoyles, as she eats her lunch today, alone as has become the usual case. Kyou is most likely up on the roof. Yuki is doing some school government thing. Uo and Hana are nearby, but in a conversation all their own. Momiji is playing a game with some of his friends across the yard. I'm not sure when this happened. She used to always eat lunch within a group. Now, she sits there alone, her eyes look a million miles away, cloudy with thought and looking so sad. Maybe she can sense them trying to pull away slowly. Once this school year ends, Akito has already sealed their fates. Maybe, they are just trying to protect her. Maybe they are just being selfish and trying to protect themselves. Maybe and maybe… I don't think anyone else knows how sad those eyes can look. Well, maybe Kyou can, since I know he's seen them like this at least once, on the night of his transformation. There is a smile pasted on her face, which seems to deny everything that I believe I see in her eyes. I wonder if it's real. I don't see how it could be with her eyes denying everything the smile says. No one else seems to have noticed, so perhaps it is just me. I wish I could take some of that pain I see there away, real or imagined.

We, the Juunishi, have turned her world upside down. She's always helping us with our little problems; always caring for us when we need the caring she gives so freely. What do we give in return? Well, let's see. If guy outside of one of us, sometimes even one of us, even so much as looks at her Yuki and Kyou are there to make sure he goes away, even though they both act as if they want her as nothing more than a friend. We drop issue after issue in her lap and look to her to fix them all. She never goes anywhere, does anything, except work, eat and sleep. And with Yuki and Kyou being her ever-present watchdogs, err watch mouse and cat; she's never going to. We've locked her in a cage, bars of our making, lock created with her knowledge of our curse. Yet, she never rebels against it. She maintains that there is no place she'd rather be. But, every once in a while, even a caged bird needs to fly. There's the bell for the next class, I watch her as she gathers her things together that smile still there. She walks into the school. I can still see her through the glass of the windows as she raises her head as they join her in the hall to walk her to their next class. She looks up at them, giving both a look filled with undisguised love, along with a sweet smile that tells me the one that she was wearing during lunch today was completely unreal. I wonder what that would be like. I also wonder what that look would actually be for someone that was willing to stick out his neck and actually return all the emotion implicit in that look.

The school day creeps ever forward. I sit here taking notes diligently, well as diligently as a person whose mind keeps drifting to a certain girl, can take notes. When did this start, this daydreaming, imagining. I can't place a finger on the time or the date. Maybe, it started the first day I saw her. Though, at that time, my thoughts still all belonged to Rin. All I know is that she's come to mean more to me with the passage of time. I find myself making excuses; mostly doing with Yuki; to go to Shigure's to see her. I pick days when I know she'll be home and he'll be late. Sometimes being considered absent minded can be an advantage, no one suspects I'm really there to see her. I'll sit in the kitchen and talk to her as she cooks and I always insist on helping with the dishes to spend some time with her before leaving her to go talk to Yuki, using him as an excuse isn't effective unless I actually spend some time with him. Over the past couple of months I've gotten to know her quite well, I think.

Yes, I do it too. I look for reasons not to show her the emotion that I feel when I'm around her. I tell myself it's just some weird rebound effect that she's had on me. I know it to be a lie. But, even if I don't show the emotions, I don't interfere with others who might. I have no desire to trap her in our world, to hold her tightly to me and yet push her away. Unlike some others I could name, I want to see her happy, and I'm willing to allow her the chance to find that happiness. Of course, maybe they don't see that they are making her sad. Fools, both of them. They use the excuse of Akito to justify every action they take with her. While that does lend them a certain amount of justification, I've been through what Akito can do to us when displeased. I'd willingly go through it all again, just to see that smile lifted towards me. I can feel him, rising in me, as I think. I push him away. This is neither the time nor the place for him to be actively involving himself in my life. He'd just hurt her, my Black self, taking what I want freely given. I sigh, turning my thoughts back to the class, just in time for the bell to ring that signals the school day ending. Free. Finally.

I lean against my locker, eyes half closed, waiting for Momiji, so I can actually make it back to the main house without losing my way. I am such a baka. He comes up babbling about the dance the English club is sponsoring to help pay for a trip to Disney World in the US. It's tonight. He's got a date. I look at him, giving him a look that says, "Do you really think that's a good idea?" He just smiles and nods his head. His voice lowers and I lean my head a touch to catch the words. "I'll be careful, Haru, I promise." I nod. Far be it for me to keep our little rabbit home when he can be enjoying himself. I look down the hall to see Tohru and her watchdogs, err mouse and cat. She's nodding to them. The smile fades from her lips as they speak to her. Momiji catches the direction of my look. "They've been summoned to the main house for the weekend, Shigure too. Akito says that he is tired of them avoiding their "home." I mouth an "oh." I wonder what the bastard is up to this time. As we walk by, I hear her telling them that she'll be fine when they ask if she's sure about them not walking her home from school before they have to leave. She insists they go before they are late to their weekend, even she knows what Akito can do when displeased. She loves them anyway, her emotions etched across her face for all the world to see. I think she'd fight Akito tooth and nail for either of them, and with the love she feels for them both fueling her, she might just win.

I sigh. Why can't it be me? Momiji is looking at me oddly as we walk off of the grounds. "What?" I ask, my tone rougher than usual, when I'm White. He looks at me closely, looking for those tell tale signs that I've gone Black and he finds none. "You just seem out of sorts lately, everything ok with you?" I smile at the concern in his voice. "I'm fine." He gives me a "yeah, right." look. "Really, I'm fine. What time is this dance tonight anyway? Sounds like it could be fun." "Starts at 8:00, you going to go?" "Maybe," I answer him, noncommittally. I hate to make promises and then break them. The rabbit just nods. Silence descends upon us as we continue to walk. We part ways at the gates to the compound. Decisions, decisions, I hate trying to make a decision about pretty much anything. What to do? I open the door to my room. I wonder if she'll be there tonight. They won't be. They are trapped up here the entire weekend. She'll be home alone all weekend. That thought disturbs me. Shigure lives too far out of the way for her to be there alone. But maybe she needed private time, release from the cage of our making for a while. Only one way that I'll ever know, and this weekend may be my only chance. A smile creeps across my lips. Where did it come from? Mystery.

I arrive at the dance. It's 9:00. One wrong turn and one fight after I left the house; I managed to make it here. I'm checking my reflection in the mirrored glass of the door. I slap some dust from the leather pants encasing my legs and stomp my feet to bring the legs of the pants more fully down around the boots. I straighten my black silk shirt, making sure that the buttons that are actually buttoned are in the correct buttonholes. I leave it open to about halfway down my chest. The jewelry is all still in place. I give a smile to my reflection. Not a hint of what has transpired in the last hour and a half shows on the reflection that stares back at me. I open the door to the gym. I hand the girl at the door my entrance fee and walk across the intervening space to the inner gym entrance. My eyes wonder over the crowd looking for a particular individual. If she's here, she doesn't have a date. No one could have gotten close enough to her at school to ask. I shake my head at the thought. I've got to have a talk with my cousins. The poor girl deserves to have a life too. My wandering eyes stop as they find what they've been seeking, sitting in a corner. Her hair is up, wispy tendrils falling down around her face. The yellow dress she's wearing brings out the color of her eyes, the tones in her hair. Over it, she's wearing a short-sleeved sweater, lavender, with small yellow flower designs woven into it. It has a single button at the throat and hangs loose and open otherwise. It clings to her outlining her shape. The sandals at her feet consist of small strips of yellow leather woven into an intricate design around her feet. She looks beautiful, and somewhat distressed. Some of the guys from her class are standing above her and from the look on her face, she's not happy about it at all. I thread my way through the crowd, careful not to run into anyone. The chant in my head begins as I get closer to her. Can't go black, can't go black over and over and over. I'm standing behind the guys who are harassing her, listening to their words to her. I realize who they are as they speak, some guys that have some bone to pick with Kyou. I hate this sort of thing. If they've got a problem with Kyou they need to take it up with him, not the girl they see as his. Cowards.

"Well, well if it isn't Kyou's little pet," the guy grabbed her arm. I start the little mental chant over a little louder in my head. The two that were with the guy who spoke are grinning behind the first. One of them speaks up. "I think Kyou's little pet should come out and play." The first starts to drag her to her feet. I clear my throat, Black Haru hammering in my head for release. I am fighting that for all I am worth. I cross my arms and widen my stance, just in case this does come to blows. Can't go black, can't go black. "Honda-san, are these guys bothering you?" The guys all turn to see who has had the nerve to interrupt their little gathering. Their eyes widen as they realize just who is standing behind them. I have to admit that I've developed quite a reputation since I started attending this school. An expression of relief floods her face, followed quickly by one of worry. "No, they were just saying hello, Hatsuharu-san." She looks at the guys that had been bothering her. They take the opening she gave them. "Uh, yeah, we were just saying hello." The look I give them tells them that I don't believe them, but don't want to start any trouble at the moment. "Well, if you've finished saying hello, I think you should go." I smile, wickedly. They move away from her and take off out of the gym to the refreshment stand outside. I watch them go impassively.

I turn to look at her. "Are you ok?" I ask her quietly. "Hai, gomen, Hatsuharu-san, and arigato. "What are you sorry for? They were the one's being jerks." "I lied to you because I didn't want to see you in a fight." How often does she do this, lying to protect us for our own good? "It's ok, I knew you were lying, I'd been watching for a while." She blushes charmingly as she looks up at me, smiling. It takes my breath away. "Would you like to dance?" I ask, nervously, as the music on the speakers slows down. She simply nods, the blush heightening in her cheeks. I lead her out onto the dance floor clasping my hands around her neck, allowing my thumb to gently caress up and down her spine. She places her hands on my hips, just slightly to the front, her thumbs looped through the loops of my pants. To the casual observer, it's a fairly intimate pose, but I know that it's just to keep herself from embracing me. We dance silently, our bodies swaying to the music. If I close my eyes forever, will it all remain the same? I pull her closer, carefully gauging a safe distance, just letting my hips graze against hers, and holding my chest back away from hers. The danger of the moment added to my enjoyment of it. I look down to see her looking up at me. I smile at her, and breath in, smelling her intoxicating scent all around me. Does she make my cousins feel like this just being in her presence? Like there's nothing that they cannot not do, nothing that they cannot have. I lean forward, bringing my head down next to her ear. "You look beautiful tonight." She blushes prettily; giving me one of the smiles I've dreamt of receiving. "Arigato, Hatsuharu-san. Hatsuharu-san is too kind." "Only honest," I reply. I get another of those smiles for my trouble. Cloud-nine.

The song ends, and a fast one comes on, I wait to follow her lead, stay on the dance floor or go find a seat. She moves toward the edge of the floor, I follow her. She sits back in the place where she was when I first approached her. "Can I join you?" I ask, hoping she'll say yes, but ready to give her some space without "us" if she says no. "Hai," is all the reply I get, but the blush on her cheeks tells me that there is more there than just a simple yes. I take the seat next to her, and watch the crowd. Momiji and his girl are on the dance floor, right in the midst of the crowd. He walks on the brink of danger, more than I ever have, but seems to enjoy it as much as I. The exuberance of his love for life is infectious. He looks up from the girl and just happens to see me watching him. He looks from me to the lady at my side. He smiles and nods in a way I don't quite get, then returns his attention to its rightful place, catching his young ladies hands, not a moment to soon.

I turn my attention back to the lady at my side. Turning my head, I catch her watching me. I smile at her and reach across the space that separates us, my hand palm up. She takes it tentatively, her foot still tapping to the music. "Are you sure you didn't want to dance?" She looks at me with an indefinable look in her eyes. "Hai." "If you're afraid something will happen and I'll transform, I can stay here. You need to go and have a little fun." She has turned her head and is watching Momiji with his lady, so I can't see her face as she replies. "One Juunishi on the dance floor at a time is enough, and I'd rather be here with you." I crack a smile at the comment and my entire being floats as I hear those words. Maybe, it's too much for to hope for, that she would have said those words only for me, but I will believe.

As the song ends, I watch Momiji be dragged off the floor and to the refreshment stand. The change in song comes soon after, Guns n Roses, "Welcome to the Jungle" comes blazing over the speakers. I look at her, to find her already looking at me. I give a nod toward the dance floor; she smiles and gets to her feet quickly. In most circles, Tohru is known as a klutz. There are a few places where that isn't the case however, and I've just found another. She stands still for a few moments letting her body feel the beat, and begins to dance, bringing her body as close to mine as she can, one hand lightly touching my shoulder. I watch as the music consumes her. Her eyes are closed. I wonder to myself, if she even realizes that I'm here, my hands lightly resting at her waist as we move together as if we've been doing this for years. When the song ends, I'm reluctant to leave the floor, she seems to sense this and remains waiting for the next disc to slide into place and take its turn around. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Momiji and a whole gaggle of girls come bouncing onto the dance floor, must be his date's friends. I grin a little as the pounding beat of another song comes across the dance floor like a tsunami. The dance begins again.

We stay on the dance floor through another two songs, and when another slow song comes around, Tohru looks up at me a question in her eyes. I answer by slowly pulling her towards me, bringing her as close to me as I dare. Her eyes widen and she smiles at me as she brings her own hands to rest at my hips again. I get lost in the lyrics, as we sway to the beat, her touch burning me, yet bringing me peace.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

The song ends. She's looking up at me, her head tilted to one side, as if trying to figure out what's running through my head. The words in that song, so truthful, for ones in our situation, the ever present threat of her being taken from us, her memories erased forever. The song changes as she leads me from the dance floor to the refreshment stand, her hand still in mine as she moves ahead, carefully moving through the crowd, playing breaker for me. Is she like this with the others? Always trying to protect them from those who don't even know that we need the protection. When we get to the table, she ladles out a glass of punch handing it to me, and then ladles one out for herself. I take a sip, and nearly cough. Apparently the school's staff hasn't actually tasted the punch in a while, or this whole batch would have been down the drain. Tohru sips hers as well, not even a reaction to the alcohol as she swallows. Then she takes another drink, and smiles, as if thankful for the liquor lacing the punch. I make a careful note to self to try to discover why it is that Tohru seems blissfully unaware of what exactly this punch contains.

"Hatsuharu-san?" Her voice interrupts my thoughts. I look down at her expectantly as she drains the glass. "Hai," I answer. "I'm going to go freshen up a bit, if you don't mind?" I grin at her. "You don't need to ask permission, I'll be here when you get back." She just nods and moves away, moving through the crowd and out the door. I watch her go; it's a nice view from behind. I'm still watching when I hear a voice beside me. "Good thing I called her and asked her to come here tonight, so she could get out of the house for a while, hmm?" As I look over to the owner of the voice, I can almost feel the "cat that ate the canary grin" that has spread across his face. Now, at least, I understand the look and the nod earlier. "Really?" is all I say in response. "She needed some 'fun time.' I just nod in agreement, part of me wanting to punch him for all but setting me up like this, and another part of me wanting to hug him for all but setting me up like this. As he turns to go back to his waiting date, he smiles. "Just make sure she gets home ok tonight?" "I will," is my only reply. I watch her as she slips out the door to the main part of the school to use the restroom. I'm still watching when those three that had been bothering her when I came in follow her out the door. Damn it, I want this to be a White night. I sigh, and begin moving the direction of the door at as fast a pace as I can manage through the crowd, hoping that what I think is going on, isn't actually going on, because I really don't think Tohru will like it if I kill someone at a school dance.

What I thought was going on, is actually going on. Can't go black, I start the chant again as I watch the jerks from the doorway. I see her enter the restroom. They pause for a few seconds, waiting outside the door. A girl from my class comes out the door. They stop her; she shakes her head no and says something to them. The leader nods his head. Once she has turned to leave and is walking away he grins to his friends and nods his head toward the door. A growl erupts from my throat as they enter the restroom. Fine, I tried to be nice, but if Black Haru is what they want, I'm not standing in the way any longer.

I move around to the ladies room entrance and listen at the door before entering. It's too quiet in there, no running water, no conversation, and then suddenly a muffled yelp. "Now where were we, bitch? Oh, yeah, you were going to come and play with us." I walk through the door, my eyes wide and an evil grin spread across my face. "Not in this lifetime and she isn't a bitch." The leader has Tohru in wrapped up in one arm, the other hand covering her mouth. At my entrance, he backhands her across the room. "That wasn't very smart." The words ground out in a growl. I run forward grabbing the first of the three as soon as I reach him. I grab him by the hair and ram him face first into the sink. I watch him slide to the floor, enjoying the sight of his blood clashing with the white of the sink. The second one backs away at this point, but not fast enough. I grab the front of his jacket and toss him into an empty stall, through the door, hearing a pleasant crack as he hits the wall. Now, I have my desired target in my sights. He pulls a knife. Baka doesn't even know how to hold the damn thing right. I whirl, leaping up with both feet off the floor, throwing a roundhouse kick, and the knife skitters away. I pounce forward, my momentum taking him to the floor and I climb onto him and start punching. A hand grabs my arm from behind. "Haru, please, no more, he's already unconscious, Haru!" I hear her voice through the red that's been clouding my sight and hearing. The crimson overlay begins to fade as I straighten, my rage ebbing. I suddenly feel drained. I look up at her still trembling from the adrenaline running through my system. I know that she's been told before not to interfere with my fights. What if I had not realized who she was, what if I had hurt her? Kyou, Yuki and all the others have repeated it to her over and over again. "Tohru," I whisper her name as if it's a lifeline, dragging me back into sanity.

She's taken my hand in hers, though I can't remember just when, and I can feel her trying to pull me off of the floor. "Come on, let's go before someone else comes in and you get suspended." I let her drag me along, following as she pulls me out of the building. Once outside I hear her breathe an audible sigh of relief. I take in a breath holding it, and then releasing it slowly. Kami-sama, she's gonna hate me, ruining the night like this. I feel a physical pain as she releases my hand, not realizing that she's moved closer to me. I look down only to find her worried eyes looking up into my face. "Are you ok?" she says to me, her eyes filled with worry, her fingers pushing my bangs back so that she can see my eyes. "Hai." I say simply. "Good." She looks back toward the gym door and then down at her watch. "I think I should be getting home now." I nod, understanding that she probably wants to get as far away from me as possible at the moment, but I also remember that I made a promise to Momiji. I look down at the ground, staring steadfastly at my shoes. "May I escort you home, Honda-san?" "Hai," is all that she responds with, but she takes my hand in hers. "Arigato, Hatsuharu-san."

The walk to Shigure's house is a quiet one, yet the silence isn't uncomfortable. Quite the opposite, in fact. I dread seeing the porch light shining through the woods; I know that once we reached its origin, this magical night will be over. But, time stops for no man, and all too soon I am standing on the porch with her, trying to think of a polite way to ask if I can stay until the other occupants of the house return, just so I'll know she was safe. I break the silence. "Gomen, Honda-san, for ruining your night out. " I look down at her face, only to see the purpling bruise where that thug had back handed her. I can feel him raging inside me but I push him back down. He's done enough damage tonight. I bring up my fingers to brush them across the damaged skin. "No, Hatsuharu-san, arigato for everything tonight. I enjoyed myself greatly. Would you like to come in for some tea?" I simply nod, too shocked by her acceptance of my actions earlier to speak. She smiles at me and opens the door, letting us both in. She removes her sandals at the entrance and moves to the kitchen, not bothering with the light switch, the nightlights she had left burning enough to see by. I sit down in the doorway and remove my boots then, move to the table in the center of the room. I can hear her humming in the kitchen. I am so lost in my thoughts that she startles me as she sets down a tray holding a teapot, cups and some rice balls. She kneels down, not precisely beside me, but not all the way across the table either. She pours a cup of tea and holds it out to me. I reach for the cup. She emits a yelp. I freeze my motions trying to figure out what I've done to frighten her. She sits the cup onto the table and reaches for my hand, pulling it to her. I see what's bothering her now; my knuckles are bloody, broken open from the fight. She stands and goes up the stairs.

I'm starting to panic here. I know that she hates violence. Maybe I've truly disgusted her. Maybe I should just leave before she gets back. I don't get a chance to continue that line of thought. Just as suddenly as she left, she's back. She's kneeling in front of me, first aid box in her hands. She opens it, and begins rummaging through it, removing some of its contents as she finds what she's looking for. She looks up at me as she takes my abused hand into hers. "This might sting," she says to me as she begins to clean my fingers. It does sting, but the stinging is not the part of the treatment that's causing me to bite my lip. It's that tickling sensation caused by her gently blowing across the joints of my fingers trying to help prevent the pain. She wraps each of my fingers gently, between sips of tea, her head lowered with concentration as she tries to wrap the knuckles tight enough for the bandage to hold, yet loose enough for me to have some mobility in my fingers. She looks up at me and smiles. "I did not thank Hatsuharu-san for saving me. Arigato." A small blush creeps into her cheeks. I can feel the blush rising in my own face and I take a sip of tea to cover the fact that I am not quite sure what to say. "It was nothing. But Honda-san," I needed to broach this subject and she'd given me the chance, "you should not have interfered with the fight. When I'm Black, I'm too dangerous. I don't want to hurt you. Please, don't do it again." A strange light enters her eyes and they drop quickly to the floor. I can barely hear her mumbled response. "I know that Black or White, Haru would never hurt me." A shock floods through my body, not only at the use of my nickname with no honorific, but at the conviction that I am hearing color her words. I remove the hand that she has been tending from hers and bring it up to her chin, gently forcing her to look up at me. There are tears glazing her eyes. She tries to blink them away, but one escapes and begins to slide slowly down across the bruise on her face. I brush the tear away, catching her eyes with my own and lower my head to hers. I graze her lips softly with my own.

I feel her stiffen beneath me and then relax as she returns the kiss. I pull back from her. Her eyes are wide and filled with confusion. No doubt that confusion is centered on me. I look at my watch. One am. If I am going to leave I need to get going. But, I don't want to leave her alone, especially after what happened tonight at the dance. How exactly does one ask a girl if it's ok to spend the weekend with her without sound like a hentai? She solves the problem for me, at least for tonight. "I don't think you should try going back to the Main House tonight," she says softly. A grin crosses her face, but the look in her eyes is soft and warm, lets me know that she isn't trying to hurt me with the words that are going to follow. "I'm afraid that if you try to find your way in the dark, we might lose you for three or four days." I smile at the joke made at my expense. I couldn't deny the truth of that statement. After all, when she'd first met me, I'd been lost for three days trying to find this house. If my handicap gives me the chance to stay here with her, who am I to complain? She's closing the first aid box. Holding it, she stands up and turns from me as she walks to the stairs. "Why don't you find a movie for us to watch? I'll be back down in a few minutes." Is it my imagination or is she trying to find a reason to not end our night just yet?

I move to the television, opening the doors of the cabinet beneath it and begin to sort through Shigure's collection. I hate making decisions. Romance or action adventure? Comedy or horror? I need something that's not fawningly romantic, but doesn't have a lot of graphic violence. Something more fun than anything. My eyes light on the perfect thing. The Princess Bride.

I hear her behind me as I slide the disk into the DVD player and begin to set up the subtitling options. I turn my head to greet her. While she was upstairs, she'd changed clothes. She stands in front of me looking much more relaxed in a powder blue oversized button down shirt that hangs nearly to her knees and a pair of baggy cargo pants. Her feet are bare. She's scrubbed the makeup from her face and her hair is hanging freely to her shoulders. "Did you find a movie?" she asks as she crosses the room and takes a seat on the futon. I nod slowly, backing from the TV to the futon, as I select the DVD settings by remote. Finally, I hit play and sit down on the futon beside her. She shyly offers a hand to me and I take it without hesitation. The movie begins and her attention moves from me to the screen. The thing I hate most about a subtitled movie, you have to give it all your attention. As the movie plays, I move almost involuntarily closer to her. I can sense she is doing the same. With each shift of position, she moves closer to me, until finally I feel her head come to rest on my arm, her fingers still entwined in mine resting on my leg. I can feel the rhythm of her breathing slowing down. She's fallen asleep. I don't want to wake her. In fact, I don't want to move at all. This feels so nice, so right. I shift around so that I can pull her up across my lap and I pick up a pillow at the end of the futon and place it on my chest, then gently move her so that her head is nestled on my shoulder, her torso rests against the pillow, preventing her from touching me so I don't transform (A little trick I learned from listening to Ayame's stories.), and her legs are folded over my own. I place one arm around her back to support her there and lay the other on the futon itself. Satisfied that she is comfortable, I rest my head on hers and follow her to dreamland.

I come to consciousness rapidly, opening my eyes slowly. I find myself stretched out on a futon covered with a blanket, the pillow I'd been using to prevent us from touching tucked beneath my head. Had it all been a dream? I smell bacon and coffee. My stomach growls as I close my eyes again and stretch my body trying to wake up. I hear the sound of footsteps approaching the room. I open my eyes. She smiles as she sees I'm awake. "Would Hatsuharu-san like some breakfast?" I return her smile and nod. It wasn't a dream!!! Kami-sama, I'm not sure what I did to deserve this, but arigato, arigato! I stand and follow her to the dining room where she's placed a plate of eggs and bacon, along with some coffee and toast. It's an American breakfast, but one that she knows I like, me being over as often as I am. "Arigato, Tohru." What did I just say? Her eyes widen at the use of her given name, and she smiles broadly almost as if she's won something. Then she blushes a deep crimson red. "It's nothing, Haru." She turns away rapidly, going back to the kitchen to get her own breakfast. I smile as I take the first bite of my breakfast. Today is going to be a good day.

She returns with her own breakfast a few minutes later. She sits her plate on the end of the table and kneels in front of it. The flush in her cheeks is gone. "Will you be returning to the main house after breakfast?" she asks me in a quiet voice, her head lowered as she takes a bite of her breakfast. She's come straight to the point quicker than I thought she would. She looks up from her plate, something in her eyes that I once again cannot quite distinguish. "I had hoped to spend the day with you." She smiles at my response. "Any ideas on what you wanted to do today?" I shake my head, I hadn't really thought of that yet, but then I hadn't really even started to think at all yet. Just knowing that I can be in her presence for an entire day, away from all the others, is enough for me. "Would you like to go for a picnic? I know of a place that I'd like for you to see." I nod. A picnic sounded wonderful. She fell silent and started eating her breakfast.

I help her take the dishes into the kitchen, intending to help her do the dishes. "I don't need any help and after last night I'm sure you can use a shower. There are some of your clothes on the dryer from the last time you were here." I take the hint and go to the laundry room and look at the dryer. There are 4 small plastic totes with names on them stacked one atop the other. Momiji, Kisa, Haru, Hiro. I smile; at least I'm not the only person that tends to leave things behind. I pull the tote with my name out of the stack and open the lid. I see a pair of black jeans, a white t-shirt with a black dragon motif on the front, a pair of underwear and some socks inside. A second outfit is stacked below this one, but I'm not even gonna bother to check what it is, this will do fine. There is also a baggie lying in the bottom of the tote. I pull it out and look at what it contains: two earrings, the studded collar I've been looking for for a week, some pocket change, a ring and the case to the Gargoyles that I thought I had lost. Smiling at her thoughtfulness, I pull out the collar and the earrings and the pocket change, leaving the rest in the bag. I gather up the clothes and head up the stairs to the bathroom. I can hear her voice singing softly in the kitchen as the dishes clink together.

And I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I shower quickly trying to make sure that I leave some hot water for her. I dry off and pull on the fresh clothes, change out my earrings and collar. I drop the change into a pocket. She must have hung these clothes out to dry; they smell so fresh and clean. Our clothes at the Main House all go out to the cleaners. They never have a scent other than that of the dry cleaning chemical they use. Useful for those of us that wear a lot of clothes that require special treatment though. I walk back down the stairs still towel drying my hair. She's wiping the last of the dishes as I enter the kitchen behind her. "Tohru." She jumps at my use of her given name, but I've started this now and I refuse to go back to the formality that had lain between us before. The feel of her name on my tongue is much nicer than the formal honorifics that we had been using. "Shower's free." She puts the last dish away and then turns greeting me with a smile. "Arigato, Haru, I won't be too long." She walks past me and on up the steps. I could sooooo get used to this.

It's started to rain, no picnic for us until this stops at least. It looks like we'll be stuck inside all day. When she comes back down, I'm sitting out on the porch staring out into the woods with my socks in one hand. She manages to come up behind me without me knowing that she's there, until I feel her hands on my shoulders. Using me to brace herself, she crouches down behind me; her knees just touching my back. I can feel her breath on my neck as she leans forward to speak into my ear. "Are you ok, Haru?" She's so close, so close. I can feel my heart pounding at her proximity, at the chills that she's sending down my spine as she breathes. The socks slip through my grasp. There's only one thing to do in a situation like this one. I lift the hands on my shoulders and gently pull her around to the front of me, her face scant inches from mine. I brush a gentle kiss to her lips and pull back a little, in case she wants to move away. She's not moving, if fact, she seems kind of stunned. She looks at me, a question in her eyes that I'm not sure how to answer and opens her mouth to take breath. It's all the opening I need. I lower my head taking her lips with mine and sliding my tongue into her mouth. Her tongue meets mine, hesitantly at first and then begins to move with mine, entwining searching. She tastes sweet and minty. I need more. I press my lips harder to hers, the passion of the kiss rising. My hands are reaching out to grasp hers holding them on my legs as she shifts her own position and leans forward on her knees to respond. I break the kiss only when the need to breathe overcomes me. I stare at her. She stares back, the question in her eyes replaced by desire. Is the desire in her eyes simply a reflection of my own? I stand carefully, my hands still holding hers, my legs shaking slightly. I pull her up with me, and swallow forcefully, trying to hold back the hormones that are urging me to do such wicked things with her. I lower my head once she's standing, capturing her lips again, kissing her as move her back into the house step by careful step. Once inside I stop, deepening the kiss, even as I close the door with one hand. She breaks the kiss this time, gasping for air.

I widen my stance, throwing caution to the wind, I swiftly lift her off her feet careful not to allow her to touch my chest and stride across the room and up the stairs to her room. I lay her down gently on her bed, and sit down next to her gently grasping both of her hands in one of mine and moving them above her head. I lean over her my free hand sliding beneath the t-shirt that she is wearing to caress the soft flesh of her stomach even as I kiss her again. I break the kiss and my hold on her hands long enough to slide the shirt over her head, and throw it to the floor. Locking her hands above her again, I take her lips with mine, building the kiss to a crescendo and moving my lips down along her jaw line and to her neck. I stop to pay special attention to that place where her neck meets her shoulders. Her body writhes beneath me, a moan escaping her lips. "Haru." I look up to see her looking at me that look of desire in her eyes once again, her voice is husky with emotion. "Let go of my hands Haru, I promise I won't hug." I release her hands. She brings them to me, sliding them beneath my shirt and pushing it up toward my head. I help her taking it all the way off before she has to move forward. She runs her fingertips down my chest and back up. I can feel the chills running down my spine, leaving a heat throughout my body. I move onto the bed more fully, gazing into her eyes even as I run my fingers beneath the bra she wears, realizing belatedly that it's a front clasp. I pull up on the clasp and slide the fabric to the side, sliding my hands across her breasts. I lean down capturing one breast in my mouth, suckling it gently, feeling its tip hardening under my tongue. "Tohru, you are so beautiful," I breathe. She arches into my attentions, her hands caught now in my hair. I move my attentions to her other breast and slowly work my way down her stomach until I reach the clasp to her jeans. I pause, debating on what to do now. Have I said before that I hate making decisions? Its one thing to neck a little, but another completely to take the next step. I look up at her to see her looking down at me, her hands extended now above her head and entwined in the comforter of the bed. A little talk is in order before we take the next step. The questions are back in her eyes, though the desire is there too. I don't want to wreck this. All these questions between us need to be answered. It's been my experience that questions lead to problems and lack of trust. I want to know without a doubt that I'm really who she wants. She needs to know the truth about all those visits to see Yuki. On top of all of this, I suddenly realize that I have nothing with me to prevent a pregnancy and I doubt that Tohru's had to think about birth control. I take a deep breath, and try to pull my renegade hormones back under control. I look toward the window, the rain's stopped.

She's picked up on the change of mood, well the dampening of it. She smiles at me. The smile telling me that it's all good. I breathe a sigh of relief as I reach up and re-clasp her bra. I lean over the side of the bed and pick up our shirts. She takes hers and slides it over her head. She moves to the side of the bed and off of it. "Rain's stopped. I'll go pack that picnic now." I grasp her hand before she leaves. I don't want her to think I stopped because I didn't want her. She turns around looking down into my eyes. She leans down, brushing a kiss across my lips. "I know, the times not right," she whispers softly against my lips. "It's ok, really." Another one of those feather light kisses and she's gone. I'm still sitting here, shirt in my hand, staring at the place where she had stood, my breathing still settling down to its normal rhythm. She really is one hell of a lady.

I stand up and bring the shirt up over my head. I try to figure out exactly how to say everything that needs to be said. It's definitely not going to be the easiest conversation that I've ever held. We Sohma's are experts at avoiding our feelings. We deflect and run from; we don't confront them head on. When we do, Akito is usually there to rip them to pieces anyway. I know that what I feel for her is worth me suffering Akito's wrath, but will she feel the same?

We've been walking for an hour, I lost where we were about 50 minutes ago. This forest around Shigure's, I hadn't realized it could be so dense or deep. I shrug the backpack carrying our lunch on my shoulders. Suddenly, we've gone from deep forest to a clearing . There's a small fire pit and a hut that looks like it's been here forever. Flowers line the front of the hut and to the right side of the hut there's a large flower garden of nothing but wild flowers. A small path leads to the center where there were some flat stones and what looks like a small pond. "This is my place," she whispers, her voice coming to me clearly in the silence that surrounds us. "Kyou goes to the lake when he wants to get away for a while, Yuki to his secret base. I come here." She turns to me slowly, "You are the first person I've ever brought here." I suddenly understand the honor I'm being paid. "Why?" I ask dumbly, shrugging the back pack off my back and settling it on the ground. "Because they would feel that for my own good, they have the right come here whenever they wish. Because despite everything I feel for both of them, I wanted a place that could just be mine, even if it is technically Sohma's. We all need a place where we can find peace, where we won't be bothered, where we can try to clear our thoughts and think through the things that come at us. No matter how close to someone you may be, you don't always want them to be with you 24/7, or you can't bear to be with them 24/7. We all need our space. Shigure knows about this place, though he doesn't know where it's at. He helped me buy the flowers and the pond. I come here when I can't take the stress anymore or the pain. This family is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, but sometimes the costs are high. You could say I have this place for when I need to scream. Its only getting worse, the closer we get to the school year ending." She looks at me, the look that I've been seeing in her eyes back. "I know what's happening, to both of them when this year ends, Akito told me." I look at her. I'm sure that my facial expression is quite funny with my jaw sitting on the ground. "I feel them both pushing me away. I feel their pain in doing so. One can only live in such a pain filled world for so long, with nothing to make up for it, without going crazy unless there is an outlet. This place has become mine. It gives me the strength to be at their sides 'til the day they have to leave me. I will never regret knowing either of them, but its going to be hard when they leave. Kyou won't be long for this world once it happens, he's too free spirited to live in that cage and being in a cage will kill him quickly or he'll simply kill himself. And Yuki, he's going to close up on himself and never feel anything again. Death might be better."

I sink to the ground. I've never heard her so negative. This is what I've been seeing in her eyes at school, or Shigure's in the kitchen when she doesn't know that I'm standing in the doorway watching her. "I brought you here because I wanted you to know all of me, Haru. There's more to me than the happy bubbly teenager that I show the world. I go through the same things everyone else does. I'm not always happy, I just tend to recover faster most people." She gives me genuinely sweet smile and walks over to where I am, sitting down in front of me, no more than an arms length away, pulling her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around her legs. She gives me a look that tells me that she's measuring something, then she takes a deep breath. "You know, I will always love them, always and always." I'm holding my breath, "But it's you that I've been falling in love with." "What?" I sound so stupid. She reaches out a hand to caress my cheek gently. "I love you, Haru, Black and White. It's been happening for awhile now, as I got to know you better, when you'd come to see Yuki. The dance last night finally brought all these feelings to the forefront. I know that your heart belongs to Yuki. But, I had to tell you. With all that's getting ready to happen when this year ends, I needed you to know, mostly because I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. Akito could decide to have my memory wiped. I want to believe that no matter what I'll remember you, but in case I don't, I want you to be able to remember for me, to bring me back to you." I feel the chains holding my spirit suddenly burst free. I reach for her, pulling her to me, bracing her with the strength of my arms and holding hers in place. I take her lips swiftly, my tongue begging for entrance as it caresses her lips. She opens her mouth gasping at the suddenness of this move and I take full advantage of her open mouth sliding my tongue into her mouth. With each passing second I lose myself to the kiss, until it's all that there is. There's no sight no sound, no smell. Just the feel of her lips, of her tongue dancing with mine, the taste of her mouth and her lips. I pull away from her gasping for breath. I have to tell her. Now. "Yuki was never the reason I've been at Shigure's, Tohru. I needed to be where you were, but I couldn't tell anyone about the feelings that have been growing inside of me. I was there to see you, only you. I do love Yuki, but not the way that you are thinking. You are the only person I am in love with. I will fight Akito with everything I've got to keep you with me and keep you safe. I will walk through whatever Hell he chooses for me, to be at your side." The look on her face makes anything that Akito could ever do to me worthwhile. Her eyes are filled with so much love, her smile taking me to heaven. I have been saved. I lay her back onto the ground gently, resuming the kiss I started, my world narrowing to just the two of us.

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Two hours later, we lay contentedly on an old mat in the hut, her head and shoulders cushioned on a pillow on my chest, my hand lazily trailing up and down her ribs. She's fallen asleep. I lay a soft kiss on the top of her head. "I love you, Tohru." I love you, Tohru… forever.

~~~~~~~

I Will Remember You belongs to Sarah McLachlan, ; Close My eyes forever, belongs to Lita Ford and Ozzy Osborne. By the by, if anyone wants to fill in that two hour gap for me I'd be happy to give co author credit. I can't write a lemon worth a damn! At least for these guys. Somehow I feel like I'm betraying Kyou lol!