Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Even a Caged Bird Needs to Fly ❯ Even a Caged Bird Needs to Fly II ( Chapter 2 )

As per a request from someone who turned their puppy dog eyes against me I'm turning Even a Caged Bird Needs to Fly into a 3 parter. Yes I am still working on Broken. The next Chap is almost done...


Sometimes it seems that there are people who just don't play fair. Puppy dog eyes indeed ;P

I do not own Fruits Basket...

Even a Caged Bird Needs to Fly - Part 2

It's been said that the only thing that a Juunishi really knows is pain. We are unable to touch, unable to love, unable to really know what it means to be normal. That pain is especially sharp today. I sit here in the back of the room, watching as Momiji and Hiro light the candles in their sconces that have been placed around the room. Their faces are pale. Their entire postures are stiff.

Kagura is standing at the front of the room. I don't think she's stopped crying since she heard the news. Her hands drift lovingly across the casket. Akito refuses to open the lid, saying that the Cat deserves no viewing. He seems to be enjoying the pain of those around him, as he always has. Most likely, he always will.

The death of the Cat seems to have broken the younger Juunishi. They seem to have finally understood their fates. I think that maybe that's the saddest part of today. The past year has been one of sorrow after sorrow. I don't think any of them can ever recover.

The soccer field had been full of chairs. Youngsters in their caps and gowns filled the entire area as the adults sat in the spring heat in the bleachers across the way. Most of that field had been full of happy faces. All but three. Yuki, Kyo and Tohru had been off to one side of the field with our younger cousins. I'm sure they were trying to give each other strength.
I had moved Kyu and Yuki's things back to the compound the night before.

I had thought that maybe their closeness was abating. It seemed that Kyo had pulled away from everyone. Yuki and Haru seemed to spend an awfully lot of time together. Tohru, too, had been spending a lot of time away from Shigure's home. Shigure had said that she was looking for a place to go, trying to find a job for after graduation. I sat in the stands with sunglasses covering my eyes, joined by Ayame and Shigure. We should have known that she couldn't do it, break our curse. She, who lit our lives, was still only human.

I thought at that time that at least the younger ones had learned from her the basic truths to life: to be determined in the face of adversity, to give without thought to self, and to love as if it can never end. She had shown them in so many ways that the world was not a cold dark place in which we only peripherally resided. I had thought this was a good thing as I watched the light embraces and the tightly held hugs of the group before the ceremony started. Their closeness hadn't abated at all; they were all just trying to deal with it in their own way.

The music has started, signaling the beginning of the funeral. Yuki is guiding Kagura to her seat. Haru is standing with Momiji and Kisa on either side of him. He lifts a hand to touch the casket that Kyo lies within and leans over the casket, whispering something I can't hear. Then he turns, leaning heavily on his cane and his cousins as he and the others move away and to their seats.

Akito has arrived, his sneering face almost seeming to exult in the death of the Cat. I think he's always blamed Kyo for our Curse. No one seems to remember exactly why we were cursed. I do believe though that at some point in the past, one of clan heads did something so vile that his entire clan took on the curse. So if any blame should be laid, it should be on his own head.

This ceremony will be short. Cats do not get flowery funerals. It is only because of family honor that they are given at all, I believe. No announcements are made to the outside world when they die. In many ways, the funeral given the Cat is the only recognition that they lived and are a part of this family. There are only a few members of the family here, though all of the Juunishi are attending. As I watch the ox move to his seat, each movement painstakingly made, I can't believe it's been a year since all of their worlds fell apart.

Graduation ended. I took the boys back to the compound. Kyo went into his cage without protest. Yuki moved into his room at the main house, also, without protest. For all the struggle they had given up to that point, they seemed defeated as they took their places.

Tohru, of course, visited everyday. She'd moved from Shigure's to a modest little apartment and had taken a job in a high class restaurant as a cook. She seemed to be adjusting to her life as well. Momiji went to Germany for summer break. Haru would vanish for three or four days at a time. All seemed normal or as normal as it could be under the situation.
Akito watched it all, each day growing angrier and angrier that the Cat and the Rat did not seem to be suffering enough. Tohru was still there, giving them love and comfort as she always had. It was then that he made his fateful decision.

The family priest had risen to say a few words, but before he can close the funeral Yuki stands. In this family, now, Yuki is second only to Akito himself. He glares at the priest and the man moves aside. Akito's face tightens, but he doesn't utter a word. He can be quite powerful one on one when no one is around to interfere with his actions, but today there are too many for him to deal with.

Yuki moves to behind the podium, pulling out a few sheets of paper. I cannot help but be surprised at his show of defiance. The younger set had seemed to be so resigned to their places. But perhaps there is something that I had missed. Perhaps they've been putting their energies into things that work around Akito. I can't help but smile at that thought. They are all smarter than I gave credit for, and have learned their lessons quickly.
Yuki's voice is low as he speaks, but his voice is steady.

"Today we say farewell to Sohma Kyo. He was my long time enemy. He became my friend..."

"I spent long hours with Kyo in his cage. We talked about might have beens and maybes. We reminisced about the days when we were still free and not bound by this family's iron fist. We shared loving memories of our times at Shigure's, of Tohru and of a better time."

"We often played chess as we talked. He always wanted to know more about our cousins and their lives. But mostly, he wanted to know if I had found her yet. Losing Tohru pained us all, but Kyo I think may have been the most profoundly affected. He lost his hope. He lost his will. He stopped eating and smiling. He lost all reason to continue. And every time I said, no, he died a little more."

"We all watched as he spiraled down, longing only for release. We watched as he lost pound after pound, as he wasted away. We watched his crimson eyes become hollow, his steady hands shake."

Are those tears standing in Yuki's eyes? I turn my head to look at Akito. Somehow, even he seems affected. Is that a trace of guilt I see riding upon those features? And then Yuki speaks again.

"We have lost much in this past year. We have been beaten down and we have been lower than we ever thought possible. I know that if Tohru knew about this, she would be horrified that it happened and that it was allowed by us to happen. It is time, more than time, that we try to live the lives that both of them would have wanted us to lead." His eyes turn slowly to face Akito, "We will never again be lost in darkness despair or fear. We deserve to live. And live we shall."

Tohru knew why I was there before I could bring myself to tell her. She had answered her door and taken one look at my face, then bowed her head as she invited me inside. It had been a little over three months since the trio had graduated. The punishments that Akito had meted out hadn't seemed to have much impact on either of the boys. He was angry, more than angry, that for all his conniving and plotting he hadn't been able to break the cat and the mouse. It was, he said, obvious that Honda Tohru had too much hold over "his" Juunishi. So, as I knew he would do from the moment Tohru entered our lives, he told me to erase her memory. I hadn't expected the next set of orders. "Send her away; give her a life that has nothing to do with ours." All I could really do was nod, he is our master. Like all good servants, I could only obey.

As she handed me my tea, she spoke, "Hatori-san, do not blame yourself for what you have to do. I know you would not if you were given any choice. I can only ask that you say goodbye for me." She had smiled at me, tears welling in her eyes that she would not shed. "Tell them, each one, I love them."

I only nodded, sipping my tea to calm myself. I knew I could not do what she asked, but I couldn't tell her that, it would hurt her too much. While it would be known, that I had taken her memory and sent her away, it would never be discussed. I wouldn't tell what happened here, and none of the others would ever ask. They would know why I did it. They would know that I had no choice.

I pushed those thoughts away and tried to clear my mind. I had to be able to concentrate to do the hypnosis the memory erasure required. I watched as she stood and walked over to her desk. She pulled out a sheet of paper and a pen and quickly wrote something before folding the paper and placing it into an envelope. Then she left me sitting alone as she went into the apartment's only other room. She returned without the envelope a scant few seconds later. I'd get that later, no evidence could be left of anything other than she simply decided to leave.

She lowered herself to the floor, sitting cross-legged at her table. She smiled at me sadly as I brought together the last of my composure. It had not been this hard to take Kana's memories from her. I caught Tohru's eyes with mine. We stared at one another for what seemed to be an eternity.

"Fight me, Tohru, fight the compulsion I lay. If you fight, you will someday remember."

And then, a flash of light and Tohru lay crumpled on the floor. The tears she had refused to shed, glistening on her cheeks. I reached into a pocket and pulled out the syringe and carefully injected the medicine to keep her asleep into her veins. When she woke again, she'd be far away, safe from harm. Only I would know where she had gone, and unless it became essential, I would be the only one to ever know that secret.

~~~~

We are standing by Kyo's graveside in this empty seeming field where only the tiniest markers tell you there are, in fact, people interred here. This is but a small corner of the Sohma family cemetery. Today has been the hardest day I've been through in a long time. We've watched the whole day pass, with funeral, cremation and burial, grief filling our every thought and flooding our embittered souls. But, though I miss Kyo, my mind moves to the missing part of me. Gods, has it really been a year since she vanished without a trace? The Blossom Trio is standing across from me on the other side of the grave. I meet their eyes with mine. They look away. They've never suspected the truth. They only thought that I was the one that fought Akito; because I was the last one free to do so.

Hatori took her away from me, took her away from us. I didn't get a chance to protect her. I didn't get a chance to fight to keep her. She was gone before I had even known she was missing. Does he, do they, know where she is now? Is she safe? Is she happy? It's been almost a year and I still can't let her go. She was my heart, my soul. In four brief months, she gave me the happiness of a lifetime. I can't let her go... I can't let her go.

Kisa's soft voice is saying a prayer at the head of the grave, even as Kagura pours the freshly cremated ashes from the urn to the grave, many of them catching on the breeze. Free in death as he never was in life. Hopefully, you have suffered enough this lifetime, my friend. May your next be full and happy.

I turn away from the graveyard as Kisa ends her prayer. I have to walk slowly these days. I look like the old man that Tohru took me for on the day of our meeting. No one is moving to keep me from leaving, just as we've all come together, we'll now all break apart. I can't remember the last time we all saw one another for enjoyment of one another's company. No, I can. It was just over a year ago. Tohru's birthday, right before graduation. I smile even as I take a deep breath concentrating on my steps. And then as ever, that day comes to me as if it were only yesterday.

"Tohru, I'm home." And damn glad to be too. One more day at the Main house and I would have hurt someone. When she doesn't answer, I don't become instantly concerned. She was probably still visiting the main house. She had a few hours yet before work. She'd come home and change before she went in. I settle into "my" chair and pull out the book I'd been reading.

We'd made her apartment our haven. From the night of the dance til the end of the school year, we managed to keep our relationship secret from everyone. I still visited Yuki. We'd talk while she fixed dinner. She stole time away at "her" place in those woods around Shigure's with me, telling Shigure she was out looking for work. She hadn't precisely lied. She was looking for a job as well. Sometimes we'd just spend time going through the classifieds for jobs or apartments. She was still working at her part time job and stashing away money from it as well. But, many days, we'd just sit and enjoy one another's company, making love as the day became night.

I helped her move from Shigure's to her place on the day of their graduation. Between me, Kagura and Momiji, we got her settled into her new home before sunset. They left as soon as the last load was brought up. I lingered to help her unpack. She asked me to stay. I did for four days. And then I went back to the main house. My absence had been blamed on my abysmal sense of direction. I stayed for about a week at the main house. Seeing her only in passing at Kyo's cage or walking across the grounds. We only said hello. At the end of that week, I vanished for another 4 days, back to her and her love. It was hard, but losing her would be harder. I had to make it one more year. Once I graduated, we could run as far as we wanted to and never look back.

And so the game began, and looked like it was thoroughly working. Akito thought I was simply proving how stupid I was. Hatori thought I was rebelling. They were both wrong. I was simply holding the angel who saved me, living a life entwined with hers, as it would be forever.

It was when the time for her to be at work came and went that I started getting worried.

I found her note lying atop her bed. I knew even without opening it that something had happened.

'Beloved,

Hatori-san is here. I have to make this short. Remember for me, since I won't be able to, that I love you.

Tohru'

I am now sitting behind the wheel of my graduation present. Just getting into it, takes an extraordinary amount of effort. As always, I wonder if I'll ever be able to move normally again. I slide my cane over to the passenger seat.

It would appear that someone, at least, feels some remorse for the amount of pain I've been through over the course of this year. This slick little Mitsubishi Eclipse is payment for all I've gone through over the past year, months of physical therapy, class work done from the confines of my room. I was wheelchair bound at graduation. Today is my first day fully free of that horrible contraption.

I close the door and rev the engine as I see the rest of the family coming toward me in my right hand mirror. I let off the brake and clutch and slam the gas. Gravel sprays as I take off, moving through the gears as quickly as the terrain will allow. Maybe this was a gift given in the hopes that there'll be another funeral in a couple weeks. I grin to myself cynically. As I come to the end of the gravel, I slow before turning onto the highway. I have no idea where I'm going. I simply know I have to get away.

I woke up in a hospital room. Then smell of disinfectant and blood being the first thing I noticed. The second was that I couldn't feel my legs. I tried to sit up, but couldn't. How had I gotten here? I opened my eyes slowly to the sight of both my legs and my torso in some kind of traction device and Shigure hovering at my bedside.

"Haru?" He said softly. "Hai. "What happened 'Gure?" A look of relief seemed to cross his face. "Thank God, they were afraid you'd have no memory at all."

"Why am I here?" I asked, trying to work my way through murky memories.
Shigure had looked at me shocked for a moment. "You don't remember?" I shook my head carefully. My whole body hurt from the waist up. From the waist down, I felt nothing.

"You went black, Haru. You confronted Akito." Little snippets of memory started to trickle down. I could remember being black... I could vaguely remember slamming open the doors to Akito's chamber where he had been blessedly alone.

"You fought him and actually managed to hurt him, pretty badly." I looked up at him with uncomprehending eyes.

"I walked in just in time to see him pass out on top of you. He shattered your pelvis and one of your legs, Haru. When I came in he had an old mace in his hands. He had been beating you with it.. I'm sorry Haru. The doctors say... you'll never walk again."

I could only look at him for a long while, my brain trying to register what he said. 'Paralyzed... I can't be paralyzed... I have to be able to leave.' Shigure's eyes had been so full of pity, so puppy doggish. He had simply held me when I cried, without really understanding why. 'Kami Sama, how would I find her now?'

I'm weaving my way through Tokyo traffic. The edge of the city isn't that far away and then once I'm free of all these other people crowding around me, I'll find out exactly how fast this car will go.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm finally free. The sunroof is open; I've got both windows down. I press harder on the pedal. Freedom is as close as four wheels on asphalt, if only for a little while. Hatori won't let me start college in the fall. He says the physical therapy has to take priority. But maybe, maybe come spring semester I can go. I can leave the compound, the Sohmas, their cages and their barriers and find some peace. I might even find her.

When I left the hospital, I'd been depressed, depressed enough that for a few months I wasn't permitted to be alone. I hadn't cared if I died. I had lost everything. In the span of a day, my entire life had fallen apart. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't sleep.

The worst part about being paralyzed is the dependency it creates. You have to have someone there to help you do the most basic things in life, at least until you get strong enough to take care of yourself. I got sick of the pitying looks and the carefully chosen words. I got sick of falling flat on my face every time I tried to do something alone.

Eventually, they all left. Once I could get in and out of the bathroom alone without hurting myself and could dress myself, they fled. Of course, I'm sure that the fact that my temper was on a hair trigger setting had helped greatly. Taking care of a person who is wheel chair bound is a pain, taking care of Black Haru when he's stuck in a chair is far worse.

I started trying to piece together where she'd gone, once all those helpful people stopped being so helpful. I spent hours online, doing people searches. No one ever actually asked Hatori what he had done with her; I think there was a fear that Akito could easily have Hatori wipe all of us as well. I picked myself up, driven only by the thought that in order to find her I had to be free of the compound and the keepers there. I became totally focused on myself. I hadn't even seen Kyo's descent. Somehow I wonder if I could have helped him. But, I know the truth. No one could have taken Tohru's place in his life. She was, as I heard him say a couple of times, the one good thing he knew. She was that only person that had ever loved him unconditionally. She was, in a sense, the only family he had.

I was told once that this highway will take you all the way to the ocean. I've got a full gas tank and a credit card in my wallet that my stipend pays. I think that tonight I'll find out. I've got a GPS to get me home tomorrow.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


Today, has been a rather eventful day. I attended the first birth of a child to our family since the death of the Cat. Akito seemed almost overjoyed that he'd have a new Juunishi to torment. The child's mother, however, hadn't been overjoyed. She was one of the few even in family that knew the whole story of the curse, since her uncle had been Haru's predecessor. It wasn't that she wasn't happy to be bearing the child. No, I think she'd have made a good parent for the Cat. It was Akito stalking outside the door that kept pissing her off.

Needless to say, it was quite a shock when her baby boy was born and nothing happened the moment that she took the child into her arms. No transformation, no vengeful kitten baby. The child was normal, completely normal. When I left the room to inform Akito, he'd almost flown into a rage. He demanded to see the child himself. I let him into the room only to hear his howl of dismay as he himself saw the proof.

He came out of the room demanding that I go back through the medical records. Someone in this family had to have born the child cursed of the Cat. I was not to rest until I went through the whole damned family tree. I supposed that it was possible that we might have missed one of the more distant cousins. They had never been held as close to the family. They live outside and sometimes in different countries. I had resigned myself to a rather late night at the computer, looking through family record after family record.

And now, I'm sitting here reading and re-reading the letter that an old and dear friend sent me. I've found the answer and didn't even have to look. But who was the father?

Hatori-san,

One hopes that this letter finds you well.

I am sorry that I have not written earlier. It's been a busy few weeks here in San Francisco. The hospital emergency room is short staffed and I have been working double shifts.

I am hoping to be able to come home for vacation in a few weeks, do you suppose you could give an old friend a place to crash? Hotels in Tokyo are too expensive, even for doctors like us.

Oh, the young lady you sent to me is doing well. She gave birth a few months ago to a beautiful baby girl. I hadn't anticipated the red hair with a Japanese girl's child. Perhaps the man that attacked her was European? She is still seeing a psychologist about the memory loss, but seems to have adapted well to motherhood. We only hope that given all the poor girl has been through she doesn't decide to reject the child later on when she remembers how she became pregnant in the first place. I've included the medical records for mother and child, as well as a picture of the lovely pair.

Let me know about the vacation…

Tai

To say I'm confused, would be an understatement. I hadn't realized that Tohru had been dating before I sent her away to America, let alone that she had been with one of the Juunishi. The child looks a great deal like most of the Sohma do when we are babies. We've got a look, or most of us do. Long jaw lines, small noses, we tend to be tall and thin. There's a certain facial structure we all seem to bear. Her eyes aren't quite the same color as Kyo's were. They're lighter with a silvery cast. But that's normal for us too.

Kyo being the father makes the most sense. I'll have to pull the medical records tomorrow and check the blood type for the child. It doesn't match hers here on here record Tai sent me. No, this really can't wait.
It shouldn't take long. Go over to the office; verify the information, figure out what to tell Akito.


~*~*~*~*~


I'm even more confused now. Kyo's blood type doesn't match either. We've only got two of the Sohma that I am aware she knew that share that child's blood type. Kisa is a bit young and is definitely the wrong sex to have given her a child and the other…Haru. But, Haru paid little if any attention to the girl. He spent all his time with Yuki before she left.

But, he'd been angry when Tohru'd vanished. I would never have believed that even when black, Haru could have hospitalized Akito. We had thought that maybe he was doing what his cousins couldn't, since one was locked up and one was in no position to rock the boat, or at that point emotionally caring enough to actually do something that required he feel anything. And before she left, he had been staying away from the compound a lot. We'd all just assumed he was lost. I'd called her several times when he went missing to see if he was there. She'd always said no.

Had Haru known before she vanished that she was pregnant? No, if he had, he'd have been much more demanding of me to know where she was. Haru stayed perpetually depressed or Black these days. If he'd known she was with child, he'd have killed me by now. Now though, I understand how he knew that she was gone so soon. I knew I'd made a mistake when I left her apartment having forgotten that note. But I'd locked the place up and taken her keys, thinking I'd have time to go back and clean up. Haru must have had a key to that apartment as well. He'd found it and exploded. So, although for years I've denied it, I am responsible for what happened to him, if only indirectly. I'd barely gotten her on the private jet to the States when the call came to get to the Main House.

I still can't believe they didn't just call 911. It's a wonder both Akito and Haru didn't bleed to death on the floor of Akito's reception room. I really believed that Haru wouldn't make it. There are many days when I know he wished he hadn't.

But now, I've got to figure out how to deal with this. One thing I do know is that I won't bring her back here. I won't force her back here into a life that took everything from her out of petty spite. And, really, it's always possible that some member of the family got some hooker knocked up. Akito need never know a thing.