Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Giving In ❯ Chapter 1

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Dear Journal…

There’s something that happened last night that… I just can’t keep to myself. But all the different things I’m feeling are hard to put down in words. There are just too many emotions to get my thoughts out, but… I’m going to try anyway.

I don’t know what I was thinking, but he looked at me with such innocence, such yearning that I just couldn’t deny him. But the guilt I feel, for taking one so young, is almost unbearable. It pretty much started when he came to me late yesterday evening.

Usually, when he comes into my room, he likes to make his presence known. He’ll throw the door open hard, or yell something at me right when he enters. But this time, I almost didn’t even notice when he slipped through the door. Actually, I didn’t until he was standing right beside the bed as I read my book. I looked up, surprised that I hadn’t heard him. Then I noticed a book under his arm. “Oh, you’re reading t-?”

“Move over.” He cut me off, motioning me to make room for him. And, of course, I obeyed. His small frame situated itself next to me and he put the book he was holding facedown in his lap. I put my book off to the side and leaned down, trying to get a glance at him because he wouldn’t look up at me.
I gestured at the book in he held and tried to convey a smile though my words. “So, what are you reading, Akito?”

He said nothing, but instead snatched up his book and quickly flipped through it, finding a marked page. He lifted it up for me to see as he pointed at a paragraph. “I want you to show me how this works…” I looked down at the page, confused as to how this book could have made Akito act so… so unlike himself.
I had to take the book in my own hands in order to read it correctly. I read a few sentences, and was baffled. What was an 11-year old doing reading things like that?! My eyes must have been popping out of my sockets as I turned the book over to see the cover. Author: Sohma Shigure. That… that explained a lot. I sighed loudly, thinking about what a position my cousin had put me in. I closed the book, hanging my head. “Akito, where did you get this?”

“Hmph,” he responded as he turned up his nose, “What does that matter? I still want you to show me.”

I could only guess that Shigure gave it to Akito himself. “But Akito that’s very-”

“RIGHT NOW, KURENO!” he raged, jumping down off the bed, hands clenched and his ears red.

I tried my best to be firm; after all, I am one of the people responsible for spoiling him. “Akito,” I said decisively, “I’m not going to do this… I can’t. It’s wrong. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I gave in to what you’re suggesting!” I thought I did pretty well with that. This sudden determination made me feel confident. Unfortunately, it didn’t last long at all.

He brought his eyes up from the floor, and looked me at me straight. His eyes were soulful and teary, the look by itself cutting me deep. But, then he had to add, “Kureno, do you hate me that much that you’d regret it? I thought I could depend on you… But you hate me! Just like all the rest of them!!”

He turned to run out the door. I should’ve just let him go, even if he was angry with me. But something came over me, it was that look. It was fear, anguish, and disappointment in me. I couldn’t stand for him to look at me like that. I wanted him to understand. But it all just went downhill from there. I swung around on the bed and reached out, grabbing his arm. He tried to lash out at me, his nails latching onto my arm. But I just held on and pulled him close to me. “I don’t hate you. I don’t.” He didn’t say anything, and I just listened to his breathing by my ear. Now that he seemed to have calmed down, I wanted to make sure he understood the conditions. “It’s something that’s very special, you know? It’s supposed to be shared by people who are truly in love. Do you really want me to show you, Akito?” I asked as I soothingly petted his soft dark hair.

He dug deeper into my skin, and I hissed softly at the pain, still not letting him go. Then he spoke in a frustrated voice, “I already /told/ you what I wanted you to do. Are you that stupid that I have to tell you so many times? I knew you were an idiot, but you’ve outdone yourself this time Kure-”

And then I- I just pulled him away from me and kissed him. There were so many times I wanted to shut that smart mouth of his. Why did it have to end up like that though? It was just a short kiss. But I’d never done something like that before, he tasted so… cool and clean. It was an oddly refreshing feeling. I sat back to look at him, and he seemed unexpectedly unfazed except for the light blush creeping across his cheeks. And that’s what lured me in again and turned off all sense of conscience. I didn’t care what the moral value of the act was, I was just going to do what I always did, give in.

I leaned in and kissed him again, softly, but just a little more demanding. I wanted to taste more of him… more. His small lips pressed against mine as I took my arms and placed them behind his knees, picking him up and laying him next to me, his head on the pillow. His body was twisted, his legs still hanging off the edge of the bed, as I leaned over his frail, slender, youthful body. I had to just sit there a minute and take the sight of him in. His child-sized yukata came loose around his shoulders exposing his sun-deprived beautiful white skin as his chest fluttered with his already irregular breathing. My head swam and my eyes lost focus as I started to think of all these things I wanted to do to him. I’m ashamed now that I rethink through them…

A touch from his hand on my arm brought me back from the hideously impure thoughts I was having, or most of them at least. I smiled, what I hope was gently, and not lecherously, at him before I lowered back down and brought my lips back to his. He answered back with little skill (not that I’d much myself) but that just made it feel like I was experiencing an Akito I never knew was there. I slipped my tongue out a little and licked lightly at his mouth. He seemed startled a bit at this and unsure, so I pushed it further out and parted his lips until I could feel the wetness of his tongue in his mouth. I felt one of his hands go to my shoulder and travel timidly across to my neck. I brought my right hand up to feel through his soft black hair as I deepened the kiss. I dipped my tongue in further to feel the ivory of his teeth and his sweet palate.

I pulled back and I could feel my face was flushed. My breath was short as I lingered a short distance above his partially opened mouth. He flicked his little pink tongue over his lips and I let out a small groan as I could feel my need aching beneath me. But I wanted to take it slow and to not rush this if I could help it. My concern was Akito, not myself. I kissed the crease at the corner of his mouth and my mind started to wander again as I suddenly found myself at his neck, his heartbeat pounding rapidly through the vein. He squirmed and made a little discontented whine. It scared me, thinking I had finally gone beyond my limit. I would've been glad to have it stop there.

I sat up and leaned back on my hand, taking a deep breath, thinking it was finished. It was through. Or so I thought, until I realized one of his hands still clung to the fabric of my clothes. Akito made a disapproving sound as I kept my distance. I became concerned as I heard his voice break through into words. "Kureno... the kissing...th-"

I wanted to interrupt, but I kept my silence. I wasn't sure what to say, or how to defend myself, if that's what was called for. "There wasn't... just kissing." He pulled on my clothes and yanked me down a few inches. My eyes darted over to his other hand which had groped for Shigure's novel across the bedsheets and he thrust the book into my chest. I had to catch it as it fell. "Show me Kureno..." He ordered, "I want to know the rest!! NO! I NEED to know! Kureno~!" The way he said my name expressed with such desire and emotion made me just hurl the book to the side. I felt this dominance charge into me as I took him in my arms and we fell onto the tangled sheets.

"Fine, Akito," was my reply sharply uttered into his ear before I nipped at it. The rosy curvatures of skin and cartilage were hot and fragile. I started caressing and touching him like I never had before. My hands were roving where they shouldn't have been. They dipped into his yukata on their own accord, smoothing and pinching lightly, leaving marks and red streaks down his sides and chest. His small mewls as I ran my tongue over his taut nipples brought out this ravenous quality I never knew existed inside. I clawed at his obi as I teased his stomach with its little muscles that convulsed and twitched. It was the last piece of fabric that kept me from viewing this little, panting, whining creature beneath me as a whole, in a most defenseless state.

I tugged and unraveled, until it came out from underneath him easily, disheveling and twisting the light cotton material that surrounded him, damp with sweat. I came out of my animalistic state at that point, his long, deep, violet-blue obi clenched in my fist. It matched his eyes that glittered and shone under the light of my room. I swallowed hard and bit my lip. The sight was mind-blowingly beautiful. This aesthetic little boy sprawled across my twisted sheets, panting with a dazed look in his eyes, his little fingers twitching. His chest and abdomen quivered in time with his breathing. His -- oh God. It was beautiful. So small and flushed over pink. The tip glimmered with little drops of fluid.

I couldn't move. I was just overtaken by this picture in front of me. It wasn't until I heard him crying out as his hand reached down that I snapped out of it. "Kureno... it hurts..." Akito whimpered as he lightly touched at the hard flesh, wincing back as if it was painful to do so. I took his hand gently in mine and helped to stroke him once before I bent over and kissed the head that peeked between our fists and the bit of foreskin. He cried out and shifted downward on the bed. The liquid was thick against my lips. It was salty, but clean and smooth unlike anything else I could compare it to. I kept my hand over his, squeezing lightly, as I gently suckled the silky flesh, the milky fluid dripping into my hot mouth.

It reminded me of my own need. I suddenly remembered it as if it had just appeared, even though it had been there, aching, for quite sometime. I was able to attend to it with my free hand, kneading it gently as if apologizing for neglecting it this whole time. I moved Akito's hand away from his member and pinned it close to his waist. I was able to take him wholly in easily, his adolescent penis sleek and full in my mouth, hitting against my palate as I started to suck on him harder, massaging the flesh with my tongue.

"AHH! KURENO!!" Akito cried out loudly, his voice harsh and raspy. I closed my eyes concentrating on the sound of his voice as I tried to work myself to completion. His fingers started to entwine in my hair and pull, rather painfully, making me really hear what he was screaming instead of just listening. "KURENO~ IYAA~ S-stop!!" I picked my head up at the sound and he slid out, wet and dripping with saliva. I didn't want to stop at that point. He had pushed me to the point of no return, I couldn't go back from there.

"What is it Akito?" I asked, finally hearing the way my own voice sounded. It was hoarse and thick sounding, almost muted. I had paused my other ministrations as well to listen to him, but I could feel the pre-cum slowly dripping into my fist.

"I-Inside... Kureno.. I want you-- inside me Kureno... please... please do it..." Akito was pleading with me. Begging with that childlike voice... All I could think was that he had read that line in the book. Or else, how would he know what he was asking of me? A flash of morality hit again, running through everything wrong that I was doing. But it was gone as soon as it came, overwhelmed with the passion I felt for Akito. A feeling like I hadn't felt for anyone before. I knew I loved Akito, but maybe at that point lust was factoring in too much. And then, my mind blocked out anything considered negative and I acted on pure emotion.

I bowed over him, bringing our faces to meet and I kissed him deeply, his lips swollen and pouting against mine. He had been biting his lip, too; I could taste the sharp metallic tinge of blood that lingered there. His hard shaft pressed against my stomach as I spread him, pressuring weight on one of his legs, pushing upwards. My other hand, slick with what I had milked from myself found its way to Akito's tight orifice and I spread what I could from my fingers around the entrance. He moaned into my mouth, breaking our kiss as I slowly inched my middle finger past the contracted muscles, stretching him little-by-little. I could see his eyes starting to glitter with tears. That should've invoked a pang of guilt, but had no effect. I added another finger, and those shining drops started to fall down his cheeks. I lent over and kissed them away, the saline beads thin compared to the other fluid. I removed my fingers as gradually as I inserted them.

Taking my ready cock in hand, I steadied it against Akito's entrance. Whispering into his ear, "Akito... are you ready?" A small but definite nod was his response, and I took his small hand in mine before breaking through the pressure that still existed despite preparation. His eyes shot open along with his mouth in a voiceless cry. I groaned at the tight walls that squeezed against my member. "A-are you alright? Akito??" I started to worry again. I even had no idea what he was going though, and I was so much bigger than his little body would allow. He cried out, with sound that time, but I didn't know how to take it. "I'm going to pull out," I told him, but he shook his head 'no.'

I wasn't going to last much longer anyway, my head was dizzy with the pleasure, never having experienced anything other than masturbation. I thrust into him once, and I shouted out his name. He arched his back and came in a white flash and I heard "KURENO~!!" in reply, I wanted to hear it over and over. My name never sounded so wonderful in my life. It echoed through my ears as I thrust again, then three times. I couldn't hold on, I had been trying to contain it too long. With one last push into his tight space, I climaxed, spilling my seed into his tiny figure. My head spun and I reeled forward, barely catching myself before I fell onto Akito. I could see blurry drops of sweat dripping from my brow and hair. I caught my breath before I pulled out and collapsed beside Akito.

He immediately clung to my chest and curled up. I could hear him sniffling into his hands. Then was when it hit me... The deed was done, and there was nothing I could do about it at that point. I felt like a horrible, horrible person. I still do. All I could think to do was put my arm around him and hold him close to me. And I loved the feeling of having him so close after such an intimate moment, which makes me despise myself even more. I think I wanted to beat myself up for it some more (and I think I succeeded for a while), but then I noticed that Akito had fallen asleep. I decided it would be best to take him to his own room. I laid him down in his futon carefully and covered him with a light blanket. I sat there for a minute watching him sleep before kissing his forehead and creeping to my solitary room. I couldn’t sleep on my bed. I crumpled up the bedding and threw it to the side of my western-style bed then pulled my own futon out of the closet and put it on the floor. I tossed and turned. The whole room smelled of sex. I debated going back to Akito, but I couldn't. So instead I stayed in my room... unable to sleep. Which is why I'm here writing this now. I don't know how I'm going to face tomorrow...

Something's wrong with me... I'm in love with an eleven-year old. I'm sick. I know it.

~Sohma Kureno